the opium habit by day, horace b

8/14/2019 The Opium Habit by Day, Horace B.

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TheProjectGutenbergEBookofTheOpiumHabit,byHoraceB.Day

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Title:TheOpiumHabit

Author:HoraceB.Day

ReleaseDate:January,2005[EBook#7293][Yes,wearemorethanoneyearaheadofschedule][ThisfilewasfirstpostedonApril8,2003]

Edition:10

Language:English

Charactersetencoding:ISO-Latin-1

***STARTOFTHEPROJECTGUTENBERGEBOOKTHEOPIUMHABIT***

ProducedbyDavidMaddock,CharlesFranksandtheOnlineDistributedProofreadingTeam

THEOPIUMHABIT,

WITH

SUGGESTIONSASTOTHEREMEDY.

"Aftermydeath,Iearnestlyentreatthatafullandunqualifiednarrativeofmywretchedness,andofitsguiltycause,maybemadepublic,thatatleastsomelittlegoodmaybeeffectedbythedireful


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example."--COLERIDGE.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

ASUCCESSFULATTEMPTTOABANDONOPIUM

DEQUINCEY'S"CONFESSIONSOFANENGLISHOPIUM-EATER"

OPIUMREMINISCENCESOFCOLERIDGE

WILLIAMBLAIR

OPIUMANDALCOHOLCOMPARED

INSANITYANDSUICIDEFROMANATTEMPTTOABANDONMORPHINE

AMORPHINEHABITOVERCOME

ROBERTHALL--JOHNRANDOLPH--WILLIAMWILBERFORCE

WHATSHALLTHEYDOTOBESAVED?

OUTLINESOFTHEOPIUM-CURE

INTRODUCTION.

Thisvolumehasbeencompiledchieflyforthebenefitofopium-eaters.Itssubjectisoneindeedwhichmightbemadealike

attractivetomedicalmenwhohaveafancyforbooksthatareprofessionalonlyinanaccidentalway;togeneralreaderswhowouldliketoseegatheredintoasinglevolumethescatteredrecordsoftheconsequencesattendantupontheindulgenceofapernicioushabit;andtomoralistsandphilanthropiststowhomitssadstoriesofinfirmityandsufferingmightbesuggestiveofnewthemesandnewobjectsuponwhichtobestowtheirreflectionsortheirsympathies.Butfornoneoftheseclassesofreadershasthebookbeenprepared.Instrictnessoflanguagelittlemedicalinformationiscommunicatedbyit.Incidentally,indeed,factsarestatedwhichathoughtfulphysicianmayeasilyturntoprofessionalaccount.Theliterarymanwillnaturallyfeelhowmuchmoreattractivethebookmighthavebeenmadehadtheseseparateandsometimesdisjoinedthreadsofmournful

personalhistoriesbeenwovenintoamorecoherentwhole;butthebookhasnotbeenmadeforliterarymen.Thephilanthropist,whetheratheoreticalorapracticalone,willfindinitspageslittlepreachingafterhisparticularvein,eitherupontheviceorthedangerofopium-eating.Possibly,asheperusesthesevariousrecords,hemaydomuchpreachingforhimself,buthewillnotfindagreatdealfurnishedtohishand,alwaysexceptingtheratherinopportunereflectionsofMr.JosephCottleoverthecaseofhisunhappyfriendColeridge.Thebookhasbeencompiledforopium-eaters,andtotheirnoticeitisurgentlycommended.Sufferersfromprotractedand


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apparentlyhopelessdisordersprofitlittlebyscientificinformationastothenatureoftheircomplaints,yettheylistenwithprofoundinteresttotheexperienceoffellow-sufferers,evenwhenthisexperienceisunprofessionallyandunconnectedlytold.Medicalempiricsunderstandthisandprofitbyit.Inplaceofthegeneralstatementsoftheeducatedpractitionerofmedicine,theempiricencouragesthedroopinghopesofhispatientbynarratingindetailtheminuteparticularsofanalagouscasesinwhichhisskillhasbroughtrelief.

Beforethevictimofopium-eatingispreparedfortheservicesofanintelligentphysicianherequiressomestimulustorousehimtothepossibilityofrecovery.Itisnotthe_dicta_ofthemedicalman,buttheexperienceoftherelievedpatient,thattheopium-eater,desiring--nobodybutheknowshowardently--toenteragainintotheworldofhope,needs,toquickenhisparalyzedwillinthedirectionofonetremendouseffortforescapefromthethicknightthatblackensaroundhim.Theconfirmedopium-eaterishabituallyhopeless.Hisattemptsatreformationhavebeenrepeatedagainandagain;hisfailureshavebeenasfrequentashisattempts.Heseesnothingbeforehimbutirremediableruin.Undersuchcircumstancesofhelplessdepression,thefollowingnarrativesfromfellow-sufferersandfellow-victimswillappealtowhateverremainsofhishopefulnature,withtheassurancethatotherswhohavesufferedevenashehas

suffered,andwhohavestruggledashehasstruggled,andhavefailedagainandagainashehasfailed,haveatlengthescapedthedestructionwhichinhisowncasehehasregardedasinevitable.

Thenumberofconfirmedopium-eatersintheUnitedStatesislarge,notless,judgingfromthetestimonyofdruggistsinallpartsofthecountryaswellasfromothersources,thaneightytoahundredthousand.Thereadermayaskwhomakeupthisunfortunateclass,andunderwhatcircumstancesdidtheybecomeenthralledbysuchahabit?Neitherthebusinessnorthelaboringclassesofthecountrycontributeverylargelytothenumber.Professionalandliterarymen,personssufferingfromprotractednervousdisorders,womenobligedbytheirnecessitiestoworkbeyondtheirstrength,prostitutes,and,in

brief,allclasseswhosebusinessorwhosevicesmakespecialdemandsuponthenervoussystem,arethosewhoforthemostpartcomposethefraternityofopium-eaters.Theeventsofthelastfewyearshaveunquestionablyaddedgreatlytotheirnumber.Maimedandshatteredsurvivorsfromahundredbattle-fields,diseasedanddisabledsoldiersreleasedfromhostileprisons,anguishedandhopelesswivesandmothers,madesobytheslaughterofthosewhoweredearesttothem,havefound,manyofthem,temporaryrelieffromtheirsufferingsinopium.

Therearetwotemperamentsinrespecttothisdrug.Withpersonswhomopiumviolentlyconstricts,orinwhomitexcitesnausea,thereislittledangerthatitsusewilldegenerateintoahabit.Those,

however,overwhosenervesitspreadsonlyadelightfulcalm,whosefeelingsittranquillizes,andinwhomitproducesanhabitualstateofreverie,arethosewhoshouldbeupontheirguardlestthedrugtowhichinsufferingtheyowesomuchshouldbecomeintimethedirestofcurses.Personsofthefirstdescriptionneedlittlecaution,fortheyarerarelyinjuredbyopium.Thoseofthelatterclass,whohavealreadybecomeenslavedbythehabit,willfindmanythingsinthesepagesthatareinharmonywiththeirownexperience;otherthingstheywilldoubtlessfindofwhichtheyhavehadnoexperience.Manyoftheparticulareffectsofopiumdifferaccordingtothedifferent


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constitutionsofthosewhouseit.InDeQuinceyitexhibiteditspoweringorgeousdreamsinconsequenceofsomespecialtendencyinthatdirectioninDeQuincey'stemperament,andnotbecausedreamingisbyanymeansaninvariableattendantuponopium-eating.Differentracesalsoseemtobedifferentlyaffectedbyitsuse.Itseldom,perhapsnever,intoxicatestheEuropean;itseemshabituallytointoxicatetheOriental.ItdoesnotgenerallydistortthepersonoftheEnglishorAmericanopium-eater;intheEastitisrepresentedasfrequentlyproducingthiseffect.

Itisdoubtfulwhetherasufficientnumberofcasesofexcessinopium-eatingorofrecoveryfromthehabithaveyetbeenrecorded,orwhethersuchashavebeenrecordedhavebeensocollatedastowarrantapositivestatementastoallthephenomenaattendantuponitsuseoritsabandonment.Acompetentmedicalman,unitingathoroughknowledgeofhisprofessionwitheducatedhabitsofgeneralizingspecificfactsundersuchlaws--affectingthenervous,digestive,orsecretorysystem--asarerecognizedbymedicalscience,mightrendergoodservicetohumanitybyteachingusproperlytodiscriminateinsuchcasesbetweenwhatisuniformandwhatisaccidental.Intheabsence,however,ofsuchinstruction,theseimperfect,andinsomecasesfragmentary,recordsoftheexperienceofopium-eatersaregiven,chieflyinthelanguageofthesufferersthemselves,thattheopium-eatingreadermaycomparecasewithcase,anddeducefromsuch

comparisonthelessonoftheentirepracticabilityofhisownreleasefromwhathasbeentheburdenandthecurseofhisexistence.Theentireobjectofthecompilationwillhavebeenattained,ifthenarrativesgiveninthesepagesshallbefoundtoservethedoublepurposeofindicatingtothebeginnerinopium-eatingthehazardouspathheistreading,andofawakeningintheconfirmedvictimofthehabitthehopethathemaybereleasedfromthefrightfulthraldomwhichhassolongheldhim,infirminbody,imbecileinwill,despairinginthepresent,andfullofdirefulforebodingforthefuture.

Ingivingthesubjoinednarrativesoftheexperienceofopium-eaters,thecompilerhasbeensorelytemptedtoweavethemintoamore

coherentandconnectedstory;buthehasbeenrestrainedbytheconvictionthatthethousandsofopium-eaters,whosereliefhasbeenhismainobjectinpreparingthevolume,willbemorebenefitedbyallowingeachsufferertotellhisownstorythanbyanyattemptonhisparttogeneralizethemultifariousandoftendiscordantphenomenaattendantuponthedisuseofopium.Asyetthemedicalprofessionarebynomeansagreedastothecharacterorpropertreatmentoftheopiumdisease.Whilemedicalscienceremainsinthisstate,itwouldbeimpertinentinanybutaprofessionalpersontoattemptmuchmorethanastatementofhisowncase,withsuchgeneraladviceaswouldnaturallyoccurtoanyintelligentsufferer.Veryrecentlyindeed,somesuggestionsforthemoresuccessfultreatmentofthehabithavebeendiscussedbothbyeminentmedicalmenandbydistinguished

philanthropists.CouldanInstitutionforthispurposebeestablished,thechiefdifficultyinthewayoftheredemptionofunhappythousandswouldbeobviated.Thegeneraloutlineofsuchaplanwillbefoundatthecloseofthevolume.Itseemseminentlydeservingtheprofoundconsiderationofallwhodevotethemselvestothepromotionofpublicmoralsorthealleviationofindividualsuffering.


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THEOPIUMHABIT.

ASUCCESSFULATTEMPTTOABANDONOPIUM.

Inthepersonalhistoryofmany,perhapsofmost,men,someparticulareventorseriesofevents,somespecialconcurrenceofcircumstances,orsomepeculiarityofhabitorthought,hasbeensounmistakablyinterwovenandidentifiedwiththeirgeneralexperienceoflifeastoleavenodoubtinthemindofanyoneofthedecisiveinfluencewhichsuchcauseshaveexerted.Unexaggeratednarrationsofmarkedcasesofthiskind,whileaddingsomethingtoourknowledgeofthemarvellousdiversitiesoftemptationandtrial,ofsuccessanddisappointmentwhichmakeupthestoryofhumanlife,arenotwithoutadirectvalue,asfurnishingsuggestionsorcautionstothosewhomaybeplacedinlikecircumstancesorassailedbyliketemptations.

Theonlyapologywhichseemstobeneededforcallingtheattentionofthereadertothedetailswhichfollowofaviolentbutsuccessfulstrugglewiththemostinveterateofallhabits,istobefoundinthehopewhichthewriterindulges,thatwhilecontributingsomethingtothecurrentamountofknowledgeastothehorrorsattendingthe

habitualuseofopium,thestorymaynotfailtoencouragesomewhonowregardthemselvesashopelessvictimsofitspowertoastrenuousandevendesperateeffortforrecovery.Possiblythenarrativemayalsonotbewithoutusetothosewhoarenowmerelyindangerofbecomingenslavedbyopium,butwhomaybewiseenoughtoprofitintimebytheexperienceofanother.

Amanwhohaseatenmuchmorethanhalfahundredweightofopium,equivalenttomorethanahogsheadoflaudanum,whohastakenenoughofthispoisontodestroymanythousandhumanlives,andwhoseuninterrupteduseofitcontinuedfornearlyfifteenyears,oughttobeabletosaysomethingastothegoodandtheevilthereisinthehabit.Itforms,however,nopartofmypurposetodothis,norto

enterintoanydetailedstatementofthecircumstancesunderwhichthehabitwasformed.Ineitherwishtodiminishmyownsenseoftheevilofsuchwantoffirmnessascharacterizesallwhoallowthemselvestobebetrayedintotheuseofadrugwhichpossessessuchpoweroftyrannizingoverthemostresolutewill,nortowithdrawtheattentionofthereaderfromthedirectlessonthisrecordisdesignedtoconvey,bysayinganythingthatshallseemtochallengehissympathyorforestallhiscensures.Itmay,however,beofservicetootheropium-eatersformetoStatebriefly,thatwhileendowedinmostrespectswithuncommonvigorofanytendencytodespondencyorhypochondria,anunusualnervoussensibilitv,togetherwithaconstitutionaltendencytoadisorderedconditionofthedigestiveorgans,stronglypredisposedmetoacceptthefascinationoftheopium

habit.Thedifficulty,earlyinlife,ofretainingfoodofanykinduponthestomachwassoonfollowedbyvagrantshootingpainsoverthebody,whichatalaterdayassumedapermanantchronicform.

Afterotherremedieshadfailed,theeminentphysicianunderwhoseadviceIwasactingrecommendedopium.Ihavenodoubtheactedbothwiselyandprofessionallyintheprescriptionheordered,butwhereisthepatientwhohaslearnedthesecretofsubstitutingluxuriousenjoymentinplaceofacutepainbydayandrestlesshoursbynight,thatcanbetrustedtotakeacorrectmeasureofhisownnecessities?


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Theresultwasasmighthavebeenanticipated:opiumafterafewmonths'usebecameindispensable.Withthefullconsciousnessthatsuchwasthecase,cametheresolutiontobreakoffthehabitThiswasaccomplishedafteraneffortnomoreearnestthaniswithinthepowerofalmostanyonetomake.Arecurrenceofsufferingmorethanusuallysevereledtoarecoursetothesameremedy,butinlargelyincreasedquantities.Afterayearortwo'susethehabitwasasecondtimebrokenbyanothereffortmuchmoreprotractedandobstinatethanthefirst.Nightsmadewearyanddaysuncomfortablebypainoncemoresuggestedthesameunhappyrefuge,andafterastruggleagainstthesupposednecessity,whichInowregardashalf-heartedandcowardly,thehabitwasresumed,andowingtothepeculiarlyunfavorablestateoftheweatheratthetime,thequantityofopiumnecessarytoalleviatepainandsecuresleepwasgreaterthanever.Thehabitofrelyinguponlargedosesiseasilyestablished;and,onceformed,thedailyquantityisnoteasilyreduced.AllpersonswhohavelongbeenaccustomedtoOpiumareawarethatthereisa_maximum_beyondwhichnoincreaseinquantitydoesmuchinthefurtheralleviationofpainorinpromotingincreasedpleasurableexcitement.Thismaximuminmyowncasewaseightygrains,ortwothousanddropsoflaudanum,whichwassoonattained,andwascontinued,withoccasionalexceptions,sometimesdroppingbelowandsometimeslargelyrisingabovethisamount,downtotheperiodwhenthehabitwasfinallyabandoned.Iwillnotspeakoftherepeatedeffortsthatweremade

duringtheselongyearstorelinquishthedrug.Theyallfailed,eitherthroughthewantofsufficientfirmnessofpurpose,orfromtheabsenceofsufficientbodilyhealthtoundergothesufferingincidenttotheeffort,orfromunfavorablecircumstancesofoccupationorsituationwhichgavemenoadequateleisuretoinsuretheirsuccess.Atlengthresolveuponafinalefforttoemancipatemyselffromthehabit.

Fortwoorthreeyearsprevioustothistimemygeneralhealthhadbeengraduallyimproving.Neuralgicdisturbancewasoflessfrequentoccurrenceandwaslessintense,thestomachretaineditsfood,and,whatwasofmoreconsequence,thedifficultyofsecuringareasonableamountofsleephadforthemostpartpassedaway.Insteadofa

successionofwakefulnightsanyserioiousinterruptionofhabitualrestoccurredatinfrequentintervals,andwasusuallylimitedtoasinglenight.

Inadditiontothesehopefulindicationsinencouragementofavigorousefforttoabandonthehabit,therewereontheotherhandcertainwarningswhichcouldnotsafelybeneglected.Thestomachbegantocomplain,--aswellitmightaftersomanyyearsunnaturalservice,--thatthedailytaskofdisposingofalargemassofnoxiousmatterconstantlycumulatingitsdeadlyassaultsuponthenaturalprocessesoflifewasgettingtobebeyonditspowers.Thepulsehadbecomeincreasinglylanguid,whiletheaversiontolaborofanykindseemedtobesettlingdownintoachronicandhopelessinfirmity.Some

circumstancesconnectedwithmyownsituationpointedalsototheappropriatenessofthepresenttimeforaneffortwhichIknewbytheexperienceofotherswouldmakeaheavydemanduponallone'sfortitude,evenwhenthesecircumstancesweremostpropitious.Atthisperiodmytimewaswhollyatmyowndisposal.Myfamilywasasmallone,andIwassureofeveryaccessorysupportImightneedfromthemtotidemeoverwhatIhopedwouldproveonlyatemporary,thoughitmightbeasevere,struggle.ThehouseIoccupiedwasfortunatelysosituatedthatnooutcryofpain,noranyextortedeccentricityofconduct,consequentupontheeffortIproposedtomake,couldbe


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observedbyneighborsorby-passers.

Afewdaysbeforethetaskwascommenced,andwhileonavisittothecapitalofaneighboringStateincompanywithapartyofgentlemenfromBaltimore,Ihadventureduponreducingbyone-quarterthecustomarydailyallowanceofeightygrains.UndertheexcitementofsuchanoccasionIcontinuedtheexperimentforaseconddaywithnootherperceptibleeffectthanarestlessindispositiontoremainlonginthesameposition.This,however,wasamereexperiment,apreludetothedeterminedstruggleIwasresolveduponmaking,andtowhichIhadbeenincitedchieflythroughtheencouragementsuggestedbythesuccessofDeQuincey.Thereisapageinthe"Confessions"ofthisauthorwhichIhavenodoubthas,beenperusedwithintenseinterestbyhundredsofopium-eaters.Itisthepagewhichgivesinatabularformthegradualprogresshemadeindiminishingthedailyquantityoflaudanumtowhichhehadlongbeenaccustomed.Ihadreadandre-readwithgreatcareallthathehadseenfittorecordrespectinghisowntriumphoverthehabit.Iknewthathehadmadeuseofopiumirregularlyandatconsiderableintervalsfromtheyear1804to1812,andthatduringthistimeopiumhadnotbecomeadailynecessity;thatintheyear1813hehadbecomeaconfirmedopium-eater,"ofwhomtoaskwhetheronanyparticulardayhehadorhadnottakenopium,wouldbetoaskwhetherhislungshadperformedrespiration,ortheheartfulfilleditsfunctions;"thatintheyear1821hehadpublishedhis

"Confessions,"inwhich,whileleadingtheunobservantreadertothinkthathehadmasteredthehabit,hehadintruthonlysofarsucceededastoreducehisdailyallowancefromaquantityvaryingfromfiftyorsixtytoonehundredandfiftygrains,downtoonevaryingfromseventotwelvegrains;thatintheyear1822anappendixwasaddedtothe"Confessions"whichcontainedatabularstatementofhisfurtherprogresstowardanabsoluteabandonmentofthedrug,andindicatinghisgradualdescent,daybyday,forthirty-fivedays,whenthereaderisnaturallyledtosupposethattheexperimentwastriumphantlyclosedbyhisentiredisuseofopium.

Ihadfailed,however,toobservethatafewpagesprecedingthisdetailedstatementthewriterhadgivenafaintintimationthatthe

experimenthadbeenamoreprotractedonethanwasindicatedbythetable.Ihadalsofailedtonoticethefactthatnorealprogresshadbeenmadeduringthefirstfourweeksoftheattempt:theaveragequantityoflaudanumdailyconsumedforthefirstweekbeingonehundredandthreedrops;ofthesecond,eighty-fourdrops;ofthethird,onehundredandforty-twodrops;andofthefourth,onehundredandthirty-eightdrops;andthatinthefifthweektheself-denialofmorethanthreedayshadbeenrewardedwiththeindulgenceofthreehundreddropsonthefourth.Acarefulcomparisonofthiskind,showingthatinanentiremonththeaverageofthefirstweekhadbeenbutonehundredandthreedrops,whiletheaverageofthelasthadbeenonehundredandthirty-eightdrops,andthatinthefifthweekafranticefforttoabstainwhollyforthreedayshadobligedhimtouse

onthefourthmorethandoublethequantitytowhichoflatehehadbeenaccustomed,wouldhavepreventedtheincautiousconclusion,suggestedbyhistable,thatDeQuinceymadeuseoflaudanumbutontwooccasionsaftertheexpirationofthefourthweek.

WhatevermayhavebeenthelengthoftimetakenbyDeQuincey"inunwindingtoitslastlinkthechainwhichbound"him,itiscertainwehavenomeansofknowingitfromanythinghehasrecorded.Beitshorterorlonger,hisfailuretostatedefinitelytheentiretimeemployedinhisexperimentoccasionedmemuchandneedless


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suffering.Ithoughtthatifanothercoulddescend,withouttheexperienceofgreatermiserythanDeQuinceyrecords,fromonehundredandthirtydropsoflaudanum,equivalenttoaboutfivegrainsofopium,tonothing,inthirty-fourorfivedays,andinthisbriefperiodabandonahabitofmorethannineyears'growth,amoreresolvedwillmightachievethesameresultinthesamenumberofdays,thoughthestarting-pointinrespecttoaggregatequantityandtolengthofusewasmuchgreater.Theobject,therefore,tobeaccomplishedinmyowncasewastopartcompanyforeverwithopiuminthirty-fivedays,costwhatsufferingitmight.Onthe26thofNovember,inahalf-desperate,half-despondenttemperofmind,Icommencedthelong-descending_gradus_whichIhadrapidlyascendedsomanyyearsbefore.DuringthisentireperiodthequantityconsumedhadbeenprettyuniformlyeightygrainsofbestTurkeyopiumdaily.Occasionalattemptstodiminishthequantity,butofnolongcontinuance,andoccasionaloverindulgenceduringprotractedbadweather,furnishedtheonlyexceptionstothegeneraluniformityofthehabit.

Theexperimentwascommencedbyareductionthefirstdayfromeightygrainstosixty,withnoverymarkedchangeofsensations;theseconddaytheallowancewasfiftygrains,withanobservabletendencytowardrestlessness,andageneraluneasiness;thethirddayafurtherreductionoftengrainshaddiminishedtheusualallowanceby

one-half,butwithaperceptibleincreaseinthesenseofphysicaldiscomfort.Thementalemotions,however,wereentirelyjubilantTheprevailingfeelingwasoneofhopefulexultation.Thenecessityforeightygrainsdailyhadbeenreducedtoanecessityforonlyforty,and,therefore,one-halfofthedreadedtaskseemedaccomplished.Itwasagreattriumph,andtheremainingfortygrainswereamere_bagatelle_,tobedisposedofwiththesamesereneself-controlthatthefirsthadbeen.Aweightofbroodingmelancholywasliftedfromthespirits:theworldworeahappierlook.Theonlydrawbacktothisbeatificstateofmindwasamarkedindispositiontoremainquiet,andarestlessaversiontogivingattentiontothemostnecessaryduties.

TwodaysmoreandIhadcomedowntotwenty-fivegrains.Mattersnowbegantolookagooddealmoreserious.Onlyfifteenofthelastfortygrainshadbeendispensedwith;butthisgainhadcostafuriousconflict.Astrangecompressionandconstrictionofthestomach,sharppainslikethestabofaknifebeneaththeshoulder-blades,perpetualrestlessness,anapparentprolongationoftime,somuchsothatitseemedthedaywouldnevercometoaclose,anincapacityoffixingtheattentionuponanysubjectwhatever,wanderingpainsoverthewholebody,thejaw,whenevermoved,makingaloudnoise,constantiritabilityofmindandincreasedsensibilitytocold,withalternationsofhotflushes,weresomeofthephenomenawhichmanifestedthemselvesatthisstageoftheprocess.Thementalelationsofthefirstthreedayshadbecomechangedbythefifthinto

astateofhighnervousexcitement;sothatwhileonthewholetherewasaprevailinghopefulnessoftemper,andevensomeremainingbuoyancyofspirits,arisingchieflyfromthecertaintythatalreadythequantityconsumedhadbeenreducedbymorethantwo-thirds,theconvictionhad,nevertheless,greatlydeepened,thatthetaskwasliketoproveamuchmoreseriousonethanIhadanticipated.Whetheritwaspossibleatpresenttocarrythedescentmuchfurtherhadbecomeagravequestion.Thenextday,however,areductionoffivegrainswassomehowattained;butitwasahardfighttoholdmyownwithinthislimitoftwentygrains.Fromthisstagecommencedthereally


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intolerablepartoftheexperienceofanopium-eaterretiringfromservice.Duringasingleweek,three-quartersofthedailyallowancehadbeenrelinquished,andinthisfact,atleast,therewassomegroundforexultation.Ifwhathadbeengainedcouldonlybesecuredbeyondanyperadventureofrelapse,sofarapositivesuccesswouldbeachieved.

Hadtheexperimentstoppedhereforatimeuntilthesystemhadbecomeinsomemeasureaccustomedtoitsnewhabits,possiblythemiseryIsubsequentlyunderwentmightsomeofithavebeensparedme.Howeverthismaybe,Ihadnotthepatienceofmindnecessaryforaprotractedexperiment.WhatIdidmustbedoneatonce;ifIwouldwinImustfightforit,andmustfindtheincentivetocourageintheconsciousdesperationofthecontest.

FromthepointIhadnowreacheduntilopiumwaswhollyabandoned,thatis,foramonthormore,myconditionmaybedescribedbythesinglephrase,intolerableandalmostunalleviatedwretchedness.Notforawakingmomentduringthistimewasthebodyfreefromacutepain;eveninsleep,ifthatmaybecalledsleepwhichmuchofitwaslittleelsethanastateofdiminishedconsciousness,thesenseofsufferingunderwentlittleremission.Whataddedtotheaggravationofthecase,wastheprofoundconvictionthatnofurthereffortofresolutionwaspossible,andthateverycounteractinginfluenceof

thiskindhadbeenalreadywounduptoitshighesttension.Imightholdmyown;todoanythingmoreIthoughtimpossible.Beforethemonthhadcometoanend,however,Ihadagooddealenlargedmyconceptionsofthepossibleresourcesofthewillwhendrivenintoatightcorner.

TheonlypersonoutsideofmyfamilytowhomIhadconfidedthepurposeinwhichIwasengagedwasagentlemanwithwhomIhadsomeslightbusinessrelations,andwhoIknewwouldhonoranydemandsImightmakeinthewayofmoney.IhadassuredhimthatbyNewYear'sDayIshouldhavetakenopiumforthelasttime,andthatanyextravaganceofexpenditurewouldnotprobablylastbeyondthatdate.Uponthisassurance,butconfessedlyhavinglittleornofaith

init,heaskedmetodinewithhimontheauspiciousoccasion.

Souncomfortablehadmyconditionandfeelingsbecomeintherapiddescentfromeightygrainstotwentyinlessthanaweek,thatIdeterminedforthefuturetodiminishthequantitybyonlyasinglegraindaily,untilthehabitwasfinallymastered.Inthetwenty-ninedayswhichnowremainedtothefirstofJanuary,theninedaysmorethanwereneeded,attheproposedrateofdiminution,would,Ithought,besufficienttomeetanyemergencywhichmightarisefromoccasionallapsesoffirmnessinadheringtomyself-imposedtask,andmoreespeciallyforthedifficultiesofthefinalstruggle--difficultiesIbelievetobealmostinvariablyincidenttoanystrifewhichhumannatureiscalledupontomakeinovercomingnotmerelyanobstinatehabit

butthefascinationofalong-entrancedimagination.UptothistimeIhadtakentheopiumasIhadalwaysbeenaccustomedtodo,inasingledoseonawakinginthemorning.Inow,however,dividedthedailyallowanceintotwoportions,andafteradayortwointofour,andthenintosinglegrains.Thechiefadvantagewhichfollowedthissubdivisionofthedosewasacertainrelieftothemind,whichforafewdayshadbecomefullyawareofthepowerwhichmiserypossessesoflengtheningoutthetimeinterveningbetweenonealleviationandanother,andwhichshrankfromthewearycontinuanceofanentireday'spainfulandunrelievedabstinencefromtheaccustomedindulgence.Thefirstthreedaysfromthecommencement


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ofthisgrainbygraindescentwasmarkedbyobviouslyincreasedimpatiencewithanythinglikecontradictionoropposition,byanabsoluteaversiontoreading,andbyaveryhumiliatingsenseofthefactthatthe_visvitae_hadsomehowbecomeprettythoroughlyeliminatedfrombothmindandbody.Still,whennightcame,aswithlong-drawnstepsitdidcome,therewastheconsciousnessthatsomethinghadbeengained,andthatthisdailygain,smallasitwas,wasworthallithadcost.Thetenthdayoftheexperimenthadreducedmyallowancetosixteengrains.Theeffectofthisrapiddiminutionofquantitywasnowmadeapparentbyadditionalsymptoms.Thefirsttearsextortedbypainsincechildhoodwereforcedoutasbysomeglandularweakness.Restlessness,bothofbodyandmind,hadbecomeextreme,andwasaccompaniedwithahideousandalmostmaniacalirritability,oftensoplainlywithoutcauseassometimestoprovokeasmilefromthosewhowereaboutme.

Forafewdaysapartialalleviationfromtoominuteattentiontothepainsoftheexperimentwerefoundinvigoroushorsebackexercise.ThefriendtowhoseserviceablenessinpecuniarymattersIhavealreadyalluded,offeredmetheuseofasaddle-horse.ThelargerofthetwoanimalswhichIfoundinhisStablewasmuchtooheroicinappearanceformeinmystateofexhaustiontoventureupon.Besidesthis,hisRomannoseandseveregravityofaspectsomehowremindedme,wheneverIenteredhisstall,ofthelateJudge----,towhoseLecturesonthe

ConstitutionIhadlistenedinmyyouth,andinmythenconditionofmoralhumiliationIfelttheimproprietyofputtingthesaddleonananimalconnectedwithsuchrespectableassociations.Nosuchscruplesinterferedwiththeuseoftheotheranimal,whichwaskeptchiefly,Ibelieve,forservilepurposes.Hewassmallandmean-looking--hisforetopandmaneinahopelesstangle,withhay-seedonhiseyelids,anddampstrawsscatteredpromiscuouslyaroundhisbody.

Inconsiderableasthisanimalwas,bothinsizeandaction,hewasalmosttoomuchforme,intheweakstatetowhichIwasnowreduced.Thismuch,however,Iowehim;disreputable-lookingashewas,hewasstillasomethinguponwhidimymindcouldrestasapointofdiversionfrommyself--asomethingoutsideofmyownmiseries.At

thistimethesenseofphysicalexhaustionhadbecomesogreatthatitrequiredanefforttoperformthemostcommonact.Thebusinessofdressingwasaserioustaxupontheenergies.Toputonacoat,ordrawonaboot,wasnolightlabor,andwassucceededbysuchafeelingofprostrationasrequiredthemorningbeforeIcouldmastersufficientenergytoventureupontheneededexercise.Thedistancetomyfriend'sstablewastrifling.SometimesIwouldfindtherethenegromantowhosecarethehorseswereentrusted,butmorefrequentlyhewasabsent.Afeelingofhumiliationatbeingseenbyanyoneatalosshowtomountahorseofsodiminutiveproportions,wouldtriumphoverthesenseofbodilyweaknesswheneverhewaspresenttobridleandsaddlehim.Wheneverhewasnotathandthetaskofgettingthesaddleonthepony'sbackwasalongandarduousone.Asforlifting

itfromitshookandthrowingittoitsplace,Icouldaseasilyhavethrownthehorseitselfoverthestable.Theonlywayinwhichitcouldbeeffectedwasbyfirstpushingthesaddlefromitshook,checkingitsfalltothefloorbythehand,andthenrestingtilltheviolentactionofthehearthadsomewhatabated;next,withoccasionalfailures,tothrowitovertheedgeofthelowmanger;thenanintervalofpantingrest.Shorteningthehaltersofarastobringthepony'sheadclosetothemanger,nextenabledmeeasilytopushhimintoalinenearlyparallelwithit,leavingmebarelyspaceenoughtopassbetween.BylengtheningthestirrupstrapIwasenabledtogetit


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acrosshisneck,andbymuchpulling,finallyhaulthesaddletoitsproperplace.ByakindofdesperationofwillIcommonlysucceeded,thoughbynomeansalways.Sometimesthemortificationandrageatafailuresocontemptibleassuredsuccessonasecondtrial,withapparentlylessexpenditureofexertionthanatfirst.Occasionally,however,Iwasforcedtocallforassistancefromsheerexhaustion.Thebridlingwascomparativelyaneasymatter;withhisheadsocloselytiedtothemangerlittlescopewasleftfordodging.IntheirritableconditionIwasnowin,themosttriflingoppositionmademeangry,andangergavemestrength;andinthissuddenvigorofmindtheissueofourdailystrugglewas,Ibelieve,withasingleexception,onmyside.

WhenIledhimintotheyard,theinsignificanceofhisappearance,incontrastwiththelaborithadcostmetogethimthere,wasenoughtomakeanyonelaugh,exceptingperhapsapersonsufferingthepunishmentIwasthenundergoing.Mountingtheanimalcalledforafinalstruggleofdeterminationwithweakness.Astonenextthefencewasthechiefrelianceinthisemergency.Itplacedmenearlyonalevelwiththestirrup,whilethefenceenabledmetosteadymyselfwithmyhandandcounteractthetremulousnessoftheknees,whichmademountingsodifficult.Ononeoccasion,however,mydreadofbeingobservedinducedmetomaketoogreataneffort.Hearingsomeoneapproach,Iattemptedtoraisemyselfinthestirrupwithouttheaid

ofstoneorfence,butitwasmorethanIcouldmanage.HardlyhadIsucceededinraisingmyselffromthegroundwhenmyextremefeeblenesswasmanifest,andIfellprostrateuponmyback.Withthehelpofthecoloredwoman,theastonishedwitnessofmyfall,Ifinallysucceededingettinguponthehorse.Onceseated,however,Ifeltlikeanotherperson.Thevigorousapplicationofawhip,heartilyrepeatedforafewstrokes,wouldarousetheponyintoasullencanter,outofwhichhewoulddropwithademonstrativesuddennessthatmadeitdifficulttokeepmyseat.Inthiswayconsiderablereliefwasobtainedforseveraldaysfromtheexasperationsproducedbythelongcontinuanceofpain.Afteraboutafortnight'suseoftheanimal,andwhenIhadlearnedtobecontentwithhalfadozengrainsofopiumdaily,Ifoundmyselftooweakandhelplesstoventureonhisback,andthusour

acquaintanceterminated.Asthisisthefirst,andprobablythelastappearanceofmyequinefriendinprint,ImayaswellsaythathewassoldashorttimeafterwardintheFifthStreetHorseMarket,forthesumofforty-threedollars.Thisisbutameagreprice,butthehorsehadnotthenbecomehistorical.

FortheweekIwasdroppingfromsixteengrainstoninetheadditionofnewsymptomswasslight,buttheaggravationofthepainpreviouslyenduredwasmarked.Thefeelingofbodilyandmentalwretchednesswasperpetual,whilethetediumoflifeandoccasionalvaguewishesthatitmightsomehowcometoanendwerenotinfrequent.Thechiefdifficultywastowhileawaythehoursofday-light.Myrestatnighthadindeedbecomeimperfectandbroken,butstillitwasakindof

sleepforseveralhours,thoughneitherveryrefreshingnorverysound.ThosewhowereaboutmesaythatIwasinconstantmotion,butofthisIwasunconscious.Ionlyrecollectthatwakeningwasawelcomerelieffromthetroubledactivityofmythoughts.Aftermymorning'srideIusuallywalkedslowlyandhesitatinglytothecity,butasthisoccupiedonlyanhourtheremainingtimehungwearilyuponmyhands.Icouldnotread--Icouldhardlysitforfiveconsecutiveminutes.ManysufferinghoursIpasseddailyeitherinalargepubliclibraryorinthebook-storesofthecity,listlesslyturningovertheleavesofabookandoccasionallyreadingafewlines,buttoo


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impatienttofinish,apage,andrarelyapprehendingwhatIwasreading.Theentirementalenergiesseemedtobeexhaustedintheoneconsideration--hownottogiveintothetumultofpainfromwhichIwassuffering.UptothistimeIhadfromboyhoodmadeafreeuseoftobacco.ThestrugglewithopiuminwhichIwasnowsoseriouslyengagedhadrepeatedlysuggestedtheproprietyofincludingtheformeralsointhecontest.Whiletheseverityofthestrugglewould,Isupposed,beenhanced,theself-respectandself-reliance,theoppositionandevenobduracyofthewillwould,Ihoped,beenoughincreasedasnotseriouslytohazardtheonegreatobjectofleavingoffopiumforevcr.StillIdreadedtheexperimentofaddingafeather'sweighttothesufferingsIwasthenenduring.Anaccidentalcircumstance,however,determinedmeuponmakingthetrial;buttomysurprise,noinconveniencecertainly,andscarceaconsciousnessofthedeprivationaccompaniedit.Theopiumsufferingwassooverwhelmingthatanyminorwantwasaimostinappreciable.ThenextdaybroughtmedowntoninegrainsofOpium.ItwasnowthesixteenthdayofDecember,andIhadstillfifteendaysremainingbeforetheNewYearwould,asIhadresolved,bringmetothecompleterelinquishmentofthedrug.ThethreedayswhichsucceededthedisuseoftobaccocausednoapparentintensificationofthesufferingIhadbeenexperiencing.Onthefourthday,however,andforthefortnightwhichsucceeded,theagonyofpainwasinexpressiblydreadful,exceptforthetransientintervalswhentheeffectsoftheopiumwerefelt.

ForafewdaysIhadbeendriventothealternativeofusingbrandyorincreasingthedoseofopium.Iresortedtotheformerastheleastofthetwoevils.IntheconditionIwasnowinitcausednoperceptibleexhilaration.Itdidhoweverdeadenpain,andmadeendurancepossible.Especiallyithelpedthewearynightstopassaway.Atthistimeanentirelynewseriesofphenomenapresentedthemselves.Thealleviationcausedbybrandywasofshortcontinuance.Afterafewdays'use,sleepforanyduration,withorwithoutstimulants,wasanimpossibility.Thesenseofexhaustingpainwasunremitteddayandnight.Theirritabilitybothofmindandbodywasfrightful.Aperpetualstretchingofthejointsfollowed,asthoughthebodyhadbeenupontherack,whileacutepainsshotthroughthelimbs,only

sufficientlyintermittingtogiveplacetoasensationofnervelesshelplessness.Impatienceofastateofrestseemednowtohavebecomechronic,andtheonlyreliefIfoundwasinconstantthoughaveryuncertainkindofwalkingwhichdailythreatenedtocometoanendfromgeneraldebility.EachmorningIwouldloungearoundthehouseaslongasIcouldmakeanypretextfordoingso,andthenridetothecity,foratthistimethemudwastoodeeptothinkofwalking.Onceonthepavements,Iwouldwanderaroundthestreetsinawearywayfortwoorthreehours,frequentlyrestinginsomeshoporstorewhereverIcouldfindaseat,andonlyanxioustogetthroughanotherlong,never-endingday.

Thedisuseoftobacco,togetherwiththeconsequencesofthe

diminisheduseofopium,hadnowinducedafuriousappetite.Diningearlyatarestaurantofratherasuperiorcharacter,wherebread,crackers,pickles,etc.,werekeptonthetableinmuchlargerquantitiesthanitwassupposedpossibleforoneindividualtoneed,myhungerhadbecomesoextremethatIconsumednotonlyallforwhichIhadspeciallycalled,butusuallyeverythingelseuponthetable,leavinglittleforthewaitertoremoveexceptemptydishesandhisownveryapparentastonishment.This,itshouldbeunderstood,wasasurreptitiousmeal,asmyowndinner-hourwasfouro'clock,atwhichtimeIwasasreadytodoitjusticeasthoughinnocentofallfood


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sinceaheavybreakfast.Thehoursinterveningbetweenthisfirstandseconddinneritwasdifficulttopassaway.Theabilitytoreadevenanewspaperparagraphhadceasedforanumberofdays.Fromhabit,indeed,Icontinueddailytowanderintoseveralofthecitybook-storesandintothepubliclibrary,buttheonlyuseIwasabletomakeoftheirfacilitiesconsistedinsitting,butwithfrequentchangeofchairs,andlookinglistlesslyaroundme.Theoneprevailingfeelingnowwastogetthrough,somehoworanyhow,theexperimentIwassufferingunder.

Earlyinthetrialmymisgivingsastotheresulthadbeenfrequent;butafterthestrugglehadbecomethoroughlyanearnestone,akindofcast-irondeterminationmademesureofafinaltriumph.Themoretheagonyofpainseemedintolerable,themoreseemedtodeepenthecertaintyofmyconvictionthatIshouldconquer.IthoughtattimesthatIcouldnotsurvivesuchwretchedness,butnootheralternativeformanydayspresenteditselftomymindbutthatofleavingoffopiumordying.Irecall,indeed,amomentaryexception,buttherelaxedresolutionlastedonlyasthelightning-flashlasts,thoughlikethelightningitirradiatedforabrilliantinstantthetumultthatwasragingwithinme.Forseveraldaysprevioustothistransientweaknesstheweatherhadbeenheavyandlowering,rainfallingirregularly,alternatingwithaheavyScottishmist.Duringoneofthelastdaysofthisprotractedstormmyoldnervousdifficultyreturned

inredoubledstrength.Commencingintheshoulder,withitshotneedlesitcreptovertheneckandspeedilyspreaditsmyriadfingersoffireoverthenervesthatgirdtheear,nowdrawingtheirburningthreadsandnowvibratingthetenseagonyofthesefilamentsofsensation.Byaleapitnextmasteredthenervesthatsurroundtheeye,drivingitsforkedlightningthrougheachdelicateavenueintothebrainitself,andconfusingandconfoundingeverypowerofthoughtandofwill.Thisisneuralgia--suchneuralgiaassometimesdrivessobermenintheagonyoftheirdistressintodrunkenness,andgoodmenintoblasphemy.

Whilesufferingunderaparoxysmofthiskind,renderedallthemoredifficulttoendurefromtheexhaustedstateofthebody--indoubt

even,atintervals,whethermymindwasstillundermyowncontrol--animpulseofalmostsuicidaldespairsuggestedthethought,"Gobacktoopium;youcannotstandthis."Thetemptationenduredbutforamoment,"No,Ihavesufferedtoomuch,andIcannotgoback.Ihadratherdie;"andfromthatmomentthepossibilityofresumingthehabitpassedfrommymindforever.

Itwasatnight,however,thatthesufferingfromthischangeofhabitbecamemostunendurable.Whiletheday-lightlasteditwaspossibletogoout-of-doors,tositinthesunlight,towalk,todosomethingtodivertattentionfromtheexhaustedandshatteredbody;butwhendarknessfell,andtheseresourcesfailed,nothingremainedexceptapatientendurancewithwhichtocombatthestrangetorment.Theonly

dispositiontowardsleepwasnowlimitedtotheearlyevening.Doubledinners,togetherwiththedisuseoftobacco,beganatthistimetoinduceafullnessofhabitinspiteofbodilypain.Inadditiontothis,theliverwasseriouslyaffected--whichseemstobeaconcomitantoftherapiddisuseofopium--andatendencytoheavydrowsinessresulted,asusuallyhappenswhenthisorganisdisordered.Asearlyassixorseveno'clockanunnaturalheavinesswouldoppressthesenses,shuttingoutthematerialworld,butnotservingwhollytoextinguishtheconsciousnessofpain,andwhichcommonlylastedforanhourortwo.Fornolongerperiodcouldsleep


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beinduceduponanyterms.Duringthesewretchedweeksthemomentsseemedtoprolongthemselvesintohours,andthehoursintoalmostendlessdurationsoftime.Themonotonoussoundofthetickingclockoftenbecameunendurable.Thecalmnessofitsendlessly-repeatedbeatswasinjarringdiscordwithmyowntumultuoussensations.Attimesitseemedtoutterarticulatesounds."Ret-ri-bu-tion"Irecollectasbeinganotuncommonburdenofitssong.Astherackedbody,andthemind,possiblybeginningtobediseased,becameintolerantoftheodioussound,themotionoftheclockwassometimesstopped,butthesilencewhichsucceededwasevenworsetothedisorderedimaginationthanthevoiceswhichhadprecededit.Withtheeyesclosedinharmonywiththedeadlystillness,allcreatednatureseemedannihilated,exceptmysingle,sufferingself,lyinginthemidstofaboundlessvoid.Iftheeyeswereopened,thevisibleworldwouldreturn,butpeopledwithsightsandsoundsthatmadethemistyvastnesslessintolerable.Thereappearedtobenothinginthesesensationsatallapproachingthephenomenaexhibitedindeliriumtremens.Onthecontrary,themindwasalwaysandperfectlyaware,exceptfortheinstant,oftheunrealnatureofthesedeceptionsandillusions.

Asinglecasewillsufficientlyillustratethenatureofsomeoftheseapparitions.Intheabsenceofsleep,andwhileengagedaswasnotunusualatthisperiodintheperpetrationofdoggerelverse,theirritationofthestomachbecameintolerable.Thesensationseemed

similartowhat.Ihadreadofthefinalgnawingsofhungerinpersonsdyingofstarvation;anewvitalityappearedtobeimpartedtotheorgan,revealingtotheconsciousnessacapacityforsufferingpreviouslyunsuspected.Intheearlierstages,thisfeeling,whichdidnotexhibititselftillsomewhatlateintheprocessofleavingoffopium,wasmarkedbyaninsatiablecravingforstimulusofsomesort,andacravingwhichwouldhardlytakedenial.Whilesufferinginthiswayintolerablyononeoccasion,andafterhavingattemptedinvaintofindsomepossiblealleviationsuggestedinthepagesofDeQuincey,whichlaynearme,Ithrewmyselfbackonthebedwiththeoldresolutiontofightitout.Almostimmediatelyananimallikeaweaselinshape,butwiththeneckofacraneandcoveredwithbrilliantplumage,appearedtospringfrommybreasttothefloor.Avenerable

Dutchmarket-woman,ofwhomIhadbeeninthehabitofpurchasingcelery,seemedtointervenebetweenmeandtheanimal,beggingmenottolookatit,andcoveringitwithherapron.JustasIwasabouttoremonstrateagainstherinterference,somethingseemedtogivewayinthechestandtheviolenceofthepainsuddenlyabated.

Itmayaidthereadertoformsomeadequatenotionofthedrearylengthtowhichthesenightsdrewthemselvesalong,tomentionthatononeoccasion,weariedoutanddisgustedwithsuchillusions,Iresolvedneithertolookattheclocknoropenmyeyesforthenexttwohours.Itthenwantedtenminutestoone;attenminutestothreemycompactwithmyselfwouldclose.ForwhatseemedthousandsuponthousandsoftimesIlistenedtotheclock'ssteadyticking.Iheard

itrepeatwithmurderousiteration,"Ret-ri-bu-tion,"variedoccasionally,undersomenewaccessofpain,withotherutterances.Thoughordinarilysolittleendowedwiththepoeticgiftasnevertohaveattemptedtowritealineofverse,yetatthistime,andforafewdaysprevious,Ihadexperiencedastrangedevelopmentoftherhythmicalfaculty,andonthisparticularoccasionImadeverses,suchastheywere,withincredibleeaseandrapidity.Irememberbeinggreatlytroubledbythenecessityforapopularnationalhymn,andmanufacturedseveralwithextemporerapidity.Hadtheirmeritatallcorrespondedwiththefrightfulfacilitywithwhich


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theywerecomposed,theywouldhavewonuniversalpopularity.Unfortunately,theeffusionswereneverwrittendown,andcannot,therefore,beaddedtothatimmensemassoftrashwhichdemonstratesthestillpossibleadventofatrueAmerican_Marseillaise_.

Withthesetasksaccomplished,andwithasuspicionthattheallottedhoursmusthavelongexpired,IwouldyetremindmyselfthatIwasinaconditiontoexaggeratethelapseoftime;andthen,togivemyselfeveryassuranceoffidelitytomypurpose,Iwouldstartoffonanewtermofendurance.Iseemedtomyselftohavebornethepenanceforhours,tohavemademyselfashiningexampleofwhataresolutewillcandoundercircumstancesthemostinauspicious.Atlength,whencertainthatthetimemusthavemuchmorethanexpired,andwithnolittleelationoverthehappyresultoftheexperiment,Ilookeduptotheclockandfoundittobejustthreeminutespastone!Littleasthemindhadreallyaccomplished,thesenseofitsactivityinthesefewminuteshadbeentremendous.Measuringtimebytheconscioussuccessionofideasmay,ifImaysayitparenthetically,benomorethanthesameinfirmityofourlimitedhumanfacultieswhichjustnowisleadingsomanymenofscience,consciouslyorunconsciously,torecognizeinNatureco-ordinategods,self-subsistingandindependentoftheever-livingandall-presentGod.

DuringthefivedaysinwhichIwasdescendingfromtheuseofsixgrainsofopiumtotwo,theindicationsofthechangesgoingoninthesystemwerethese:Thegnawingsensationinthestomachcontinuedandincreased;theplethoricfeelingwasunabated,thepulseslowandheavy,usuallybeatingaboutforty-sevenorforty-eightpulsationstotheminute;thebloodofthewholesystemseemedtobedriventotheextremitiesofthebody;myfacehadbecomegreatlyflushed;thefingersweregrowntothesizeofthumbs,whilethey,togetherwiththepalmsofthehandsandthebreast,partedwiththeircuticleinlongstrips.Thelowerextremitieshadbecomehard,asthroughtheagencyofsomecompressedfluid.Apricklingsensationoverthebody,asifsurchargedwithelectricity,andaccompaniedwithanapparentflowofsomehotliquiddownthemusclesofthearmsandlegs,

exhibiteditselfatthistime.Aconstantperspirationoficycoldnessalongthespinehadalsobecomeaconspicuouselementinthisstrangeaggregationofsuffering.Thenailsofthefingerswereyellowanddead-looking,likethoseofacorpse;akindofglisteningleprousscalesformedoverthehands;aconstanttremulousncsspervadedthewholesystem,whileseparatesmallvibrationsofthefibresonthebackofthehandwereplainlyvisibletotheeye.Tothesesymptomsshouldbeaddedadimnessofsightoftensoconsiderableastopreventtherecognitionofobjectsevenatashortdistance.

Withanexperienceofwhichthisisonlyabriefoutline,ChristmasDayfoundmeusingbuttwograinsofopium.SevendaysstillremainedtomebeforeIwastobebroughtbymypledgetomyselftothelast

useofthedrug.ForseveraldaysprevioustothisIhadabandonedmybed,throughapprehensionoffallingwheneverpartialsleepleftthetumblingandtossingbodyexemptfromthecontrolofthewill,andhadbetakenmyselftoalowcouchmadeupbeforethefire,withasecondbedonthefloorbyitsside.Thenecessityforsuchprecautionwasrepeatedlyindicated,butthroughthekindestcareofthosewhosesolicitudeneverceased,andwhoaddedinexpressiblytothiskindnessbycontrollingasfaraspossibleeveryappearanceofsolicitude,noinjuryresulted.


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UndertheaccumulatedagonyofthispartofthetrialIbegantofearthatmymindmightgiveway.Iwasconsciousofoccasionalfuryoftemperunderveryslightprovocation.Anexpressmanhadchargedmewhatwasreallyanextortionatesumforbringingoutacarriagefromthecity.IcanlaughnowovertheabsurdwayinwhichIattackedhim,notsomuchIamsuretosavetheoverchargeastogetridonsolegitimateanobjectofmyaccumulatedirritability.Afternearlyanhour'sangrydispute,inwhichIwatchedsuccessfullyandwithamaliciousingenuityforanyopeningthroughwhichIcouldenragehim,andfordoingwhichIamcertainhewouldforgivemeifhehadknownhowmuchIwassuffering,heatlastgaveupthecontestbyexclaiming,"Forheaven'ssakegivemeanythingyouplease--onlyletmego!"Ihadnotonlysavedmymoney,butfeltmyselfgreatlyrefreshedatfindingtherewassomuchlifeleftinme.

Itshouldhavebeenstatedbefore,thatwhenthedailyallowancehadbeenreducedtosixgrainsthatquantitywasdividedintotwelvepills,andthatasthiswasdiminishedthesizeofthepillsbecamegraduallysmallertilleachofthemonlyrepresentedaneighthofagrain.Asthedailyamountofopiumbecamesmaller,althoughitsgeneraleffectonthesystemwasnecessarilydiminished,theconsciousreliefobtainedfromeachofitsfractionalpartswasforafewminutesmoreapparentthanwhenthesesub-divisionswerefirstmade.Inthiswayitwaspossiblesototimetheeffectastothrowtheir

briefanodynereliefuponthedinner-houroranyothertimewhenitmightbeconvenienttohavetheagonyofthestrugglealittlealleviated.

WhileIamnotdesirousofgoingintoneedlessdetailrespectingalltheparticularphenomenaoftheprocessthroughwhichIwasnowpassing,itmayyetgivethereaderamoredefiniteideaoftheextremelynervousstatetowhichIwasreduced,ifImentionthatsonearlyincapablehadmyhandbecomeofholdingapen,thatwheneveritwasabsolutelynecessaryformetowriteafewlinesIcouldonlymanageitbytakingthepeninonequiveringhand,thengraspitwiththeothertogiveitalittlesteadiness,watchingforanintervalinthenervoustwitchingofthearmandhand,andthen,makingan

uncertaindashatthepaper,scrawlawordortwoatlongintervals.InthiswayIcontinuedforseveralweekstopreparethefewbriefnotesIwasobligedtowrite.MysignatureatthisperiodIregardwithsomecuriosityandmorepride.ItiscertainlybetterthanthatofGuidoFaux,affixedtohisexaminationaftertorture,thoughitishardlyequaltothesignatureofStephenHopkinstotheDeclarationofIndependence.

ChristmasDayfoundmeinadeplorablecondition.Nosymptomofdissolvingnatureseemedalleviated;indeedtheaggravationofthepreviousones,especiallyofthealreadyunendurableirritationofthestomach,wasveryobvious.Inadditiontothis,theprotractedwakefulnessatnightbegantotelluponthebrain,andIresolvedto

makemycaseknowntoaphysician.Ishouldhavedonethislongbefore,butIhadbeendeterredbytwothings--along-settledconvictionthatallrecoveryfromsuchhabitsmustbeessentiallythepatient'sownresoluteact,andmymisfortuneinneverhavingfoundamongmymedicalfriendsanyonewhohadmadetheopiumdiseaseaspecialstudy,orwhoknewverymuchaboutit.Theweatherwasexcessivelydisagreeable,theheavens,aboutfortyfeetoff,distillingthefinestandmostpenetratingkindofmoisture,whilethelimestonesoilundertheinfluenceofthelongrainhadmadewalkingalmostimpossible.WithfranticimpatienceIwaiteduntilanomnibus


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madeitsappearancelongafteritwasdue,butcrowdedoutsideandin.Theonlyunoccupiedspotwasthestepofthecarriage.HowinmyenfeebledconditionIcouldholdontothisjoltingstanding-placeforhalfanhourwasamysteryIcouldnotdivine.WithmanymisgivingsImountedthestep,andbyrousingallmyenergiescontrivedforafewminutestoretainmyfoot-hold.Mykneesseemedrepeatedlyreadytogivewaybeneathme,mysightbecamedim,andmybrainwasinawhirl;butIstillheldon.Iwouldgladlyhavelefttheomnibus,butIwascertainthatIshouldfallifIremovedmyhandsfromtheframe-workofthedoorbywhichIwasholdingon.Atlength,amiddle-agedIrishwomanwhohadbeenobservingmesaid,"Youlookverypale,Sir;Iamafraidyouaresick.Youmusttakemyseat."Ithankedher,buttoldherIfearedIhadnotstrengthenoughtostepinside.Twomenhelpedmein,andafewminutesafterwardanhumblewomanwaskneelinginherwetclothingintheChurchofSt.----,notthelesspenetrated,Itrust,withthedivinespiritofthatcommemorativedaybyherself-denyingkindnesstoastrangerinhisextremity.WhenthepavedsidewalkwasatlastreachedIstarted,afterafewminutes'rest,insearchofaphysician.Purposelyselectingtheleast-frequentedstreets,indreadoffallingifobligedtoturnfromadirectcourse,asmightbenecessaryinacrowdedthoroughfare,IwalkeddowntotheofficeofthemedicalmanwhomIwishedtoconsult;butwhenIarriveditseemedtomethatmycasewasbeyondhumanaid,andIwalkedon.Ican,perhaps,findnobetterplacethanthisinwhichtocallthe

distinctattentionofopium-eaterswhomaybeinducedtostartoutontheirownreformation,totheall-importantfactthatnopartofthebodywillbefoundsolittleaffectedbytherapiddisuseofopiumasthemusclesusedinwalking.Iamnophysiologist,anddonotpretendtoexplainit,butitisamostfortunatecircumstancethatinthegeneralchaosanddisorderoftherestofthesystem,theabilitytowalk,onwhichsomuchofthepossibilityofrecoveryrests,isbyfartheleastaffectedofallthephysicalpowers.

Duringthemorning,however,mywretchednessdrovemeagaintotheofficeofthesamephysician.Helistenedcourteouslytomystatement;saiditwasaveryseriouscase,butoutsideofanyreliableobservationofhisown,andrecommendedmetoconsultaphysicianof

eminenceresidinginquiteadifferentpartofthecity.Healsoexpressedthehope,thoughIthoughtinnoveryconfidenttone,thatImightbesuccessful,andpretendingtoshutthedoor,watchedmyrecedingfootstepstillIturnedadistantcorner.InowpassthehouseoftheotherphysiciantowhomIwasrecommendedtoapply,severaltimeseveryweek,andIoftenmoralizeovertheapprehensionandanxietieswithwhichIthenviewedthetwoorthreestepswhichledtohisdwelling.WhenIarrivedoppositehishouseIstoppedandcalculatedthechancesofmountingthesestepswithoutfalling.Ifirstrestedmyhanduponthewallandthenendeavoredtoliftmyfeetuponthesecondstep,butIhadnotthestrengthforsuchanexertion.Ithoughtofcrawlingtothedoor,butthiswashardlyadecorousexhibitionforthemostfashionablestreetofthecity,

filledjustthenwithgayly-dressedladies.WhyIdidnotasksomegentlemantoaidmeIcannotnowrecall.Ionlyrecollectwaitingforseveralminutesinblankdismayovertheseemingimpossibilityofeverenteringthedoorbeforeme.FinallyIwenttothecurbstoneandwalkedasrapidlyandsteadilyaspossibletothelowerstep,andsummoningallmyenergiesmadeaplungeupwardandfortunatelycaughtthedoor-knob.Thephysicianwasatdinner,whichgavemesometimetorecovermyselffromtheagitationintowhichIhadbeenthrown.AfterIhadnarratedmycasewithspecialreferencetothesuspicionofinternalinflammationanditspossibleeffectuponthebrain,he


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assuredmethatnodangerofthekindneedstobeanticipated.HehopedImightsucceedinmypurpose,butthoughtitdoubtful.Anuncleofhisown,aclergymanofsomereputation,haddiedinmakingtheeffort.However,ifIwouldtakecareofmyownresolution,hewouldanswerformycontinuedsanity.Heprescribedsomepreparationofvalerianandredpepper,Ithink,whichIusedforaweekwithlittleappreciablebenefit.Findingnogreatrelieffromthisprescription,orfromthoseofothermedicalmenwhomforafewdaysaboutthistimeIconsulted,andfeelingaconstantcravingforsomethingbitter,Iatlastprescribedformyself.Passingastorewhereliquorwassold,myeyeaccidentallyresteduponaplacardinthewindowwhichread"Stoughton'sBitters."Thispreparationgavememomentaryrelief,andtheonlyappreciablereliefIfoundinmedicineduringtheexperiment.

Thenightsnowbegantobringnewapprehensions.Aconstantdreadhauntedmymind,inspiteofthephysician'sassurances,thatmybrainmightgivewayfromtheexcitementunderwhichIlabored.Iwasespeciallyafraidofsomesuddenparoxysmofmania,undertheinfluenceofwhichImightdomyselfunpremeditatedinjury.Ineverfearedanysettledpurposeofself-injury,butIhadbecomenervouslyapprehensiveofpossiblewaywardandmaniacalimpulseswhichmightresultinactsofviolence.

Mypreviousbusinesshadfrequentlydetainedmeinthecitytilla

latehour,sometimesaslateasmidnight.Apartoftheroadthatledtomyhousewasquitesolitary,withhereandthereadwellingorstoreofthelowestkind.Arailroadinprocessofconstructionhaddrawntoparticularpointsontheroadsmallcollectionsofhovels,manyofwhichwerewhisky-shops,andpastthesenoisydrinking-placesitwasconsideredhazardoustowalkaloneatalatehour.InconsequenceofthebadreputationofthisneighborhoodIhadpurchasedalargepistolwhichIkeptreadyforanemergency.Now,however,thispistolbegantorestheavilyuponmymind.Thesituationofmyhousewaspeculiarlyfavorableforthedesignsofanymarauder.Directlybackofitasolitaryravineextendedforhalfamileormoreuntilitopeneduponapopuloussuburbofthecity.Thissuburbwaslargelyoccupiedbypersonsengagedinnavigation,orconnectedwith

boat-building,orbyday-laborers,representingamongthemmanynationalities.ThewinterofwhichIamwritingwasoneofunusualstagnationinbusinessandahardoneforthepoortogetover.Inthenervouslysusceptiblestateofmymindatthistime,thisravinebecameaseriousdiscomfort.Whenthestillnessofnightsettledwithinandaroundthehouse,therustlingofleavesandthedistantfoot-fallsintheravinebecamedistinctlyaudible.BysomefancyofJudge----,whobuiltit,thehousehadnolessthansevenoutsideentrances.AtintervalsIwouldhearburglarsatoneofthedoors,thenatanother,nearerormoreremote:thepryingoflevers,thesoundofboring,thestealthyfootsteps,thecarefully-raisedwindow,theheavybreathingofanintruder.Thencametheappallingsenseofsomestrangepresence,wherenooutwardindicationofsuchpresence

couldbeperceived,followedbyglidingshaddosrevealedbytheoccasionalflickerofthewaningfire.

Illusionsofthisnatureservedtokeepthebloodatfeverheatduringthehoursofdarkness.Nightafternightthepistolwasplacedbeneaththepillowinreadinessfortheseghostlyintruders.Afewdays,however,broughtotherapprehensionsworsethanthoseofthievesandburglars.Theuncontrollableexasperationofthetemperobligedmeatlengthtodrawthechargefromthepistol,throughfearofyieldingtosomesuddenimpulseofdespair.Ihadalsoputoutofreachmyrazors,


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ahammer,andwhateverelsemightserveasanimpromptumeansofviolence.IrememberthegrimsatisfactionwithwhichIlookeduponthebrassornamentsofthebedroomfire-place,andreflectedthat,ifworsecametoworst,Iwasnotwhollywithoutaresourcewithwhichtoendmysufferings.FornearlyafortnightpreviouslyIhadrefrainedfromshaving,dreadingIscarceknewwhat.

ThedaysucceedingChristmasIrodetothecityandwalkedthelengthofinnumerableby-streetsasmyweaknesswouldallow.Whentooexhaustedtowalkfurther,andlookingforsomeplaceofrest,Iobservedabarber'ssignsuspendedoverabasementroom.Fortunatelythebarberstoodinthedoor-wayandhelpedmetodescendthehalf-dozenstonestepswhichledtohisshop.Itoldthemantocutmyhair,shaveme,andshampoomyhead.Ashebeganhismanipulationsitseemedasthougheveryseparatehairwasendowedwithanintensevitality.ItwasimpossibletorefrainfrommingledscreamsandgroansasIrepeatedlycaughthisarmandobligedhimtodesist.Luckilythebarherwasamanofsense,andbyhisextremegentlenesscontrivedinthecourseofanhourtocalmdownmyexcitement.

Whenhehadfinishedhisworkthesenseofreliefandrefreshmentwasastonishing.Inthisbarber-shopIlearnedforthefirsttimeinwhattheperfectionofearthlyhappinessconsists.Thesuddencessationofprotractedandseverepainbringswithitsoexquisiteasenseof

enjoymentthatIdonotbelievethatsuccessfulambition,orrequitedlove,orthegratificationofthewildestwishesforwealth,hasahappinesstobestowatallcomparabletothecalm,contented,all-satisfyinghappinessthatcomesfromaremissionofintolerablepain.ForthefirsttimeinamonthIfeltanemotionthatcouldbecalledpositivelypleasant.AsIlefttheshopIneedednoassistanceinreachingthesidewalk,andwaikedthestreetsforanhourortwowithsomethingofanassuredstep.

Amongotherindicationsofthechangetakingplaceatthistimeinthesystemwastheincreasedfreezingperspirationperpetuallygoingon,especiallydownthespine.Thissenseofdampnessandicycoldnesshasnowcontinuedformanymonths,andfornearlyayearwasaccompanied

withaheavycold.Duringtheopium-eatingyearsIdonotremembertohavebeenaffectedatallinthislatterway;butaseverecoldatthistimesettleduponthelungs,oneindicationofwhichwasfrequentsternutation,consequentapparentlyupontheinflammationofthemucousmembrane.

IntheentireweekfromChristmastoNewYear'stheprogressinabandonmentofopiumwasbutasinglegrain.Iamsuretherewasnowantofresolutionatthistryingtime.DaybydayIexhaustedallmyresourcesinthevainendeavortogetonwithhalf,three-quarters,evenseven-eighthsofagrain;butmoansandgroans,andbitingthetonguetillthebloodcame,asitrepeatedlydid,wouldnotcarrymeoverthetwenty-fourhourswithoutthefullgrain.Itseemedasif

torturednaturewouldcollapseunderanyfurtherefforttobringthemattertoafinalissue.

Brandyandbittersafterafewday'susehadbeenabandoned,undertheapprehensionthattheywereconnectedwiththetendencytointernalinflammationwhichIhavenoticedaspossiblyaffectingthebrain.ForadayortwoIresortedtoale,butadisagreeablesweetnessaboutitinducedthesubstitutionofSchenckbeer,aweakkindof_lager_.ThisIfoundsatisfiedthecravingforabitterliquid,anditbecamefortwoorthreeweeksmychiefdrink.Ishouldhave


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mentionedthatthedaysubsequenttothedisuseoftobaccoIhadalsogivenupteaandcoffee,partlyfromadispositiontotestthestrengthofmyresolution,andpartlyfromthebeliefthattheymighthavesomeconnectionwithaconstantsensationinthemouthasifsalivatedwithmercury.Isoonlearnedthattherealdifficultylayintheliver,andthatthisorganispowerfullyaffectedinpersonsabandoningthelong-continueduseofopium.HadIknownthisfactatanearlierdayitwouldhavebeenofserviceinteachingmetocontrolthediseasedlongingforrichandhighly-seasonedfoodwhichhadnowbecomeapassion.EatasmuchasIwould,however,thesenseofhungerneverleftme;andthisdiseasedcraving,inignoranceofitsinjuriouseffects,wasgratifiedinawaythatmighthavetaxedunimpairedpowersofdigestion.

Atlengththelong-anticipatedNewYear'sDay,onwhichIwastobeemancipatedforeverfromthetyrannyofopium,arrived.Forfiveweeksofsuchsteadysufferingasthewealthofalltheworldwouldnotinducemetoencounterasecondtime,Ihadkeptmyeyesteadilyfixeduponthisdayasthebeginningofanewlife.ThiswasalsothedayonwhichIwastodinewithmyfriend.Asthedinner-hourapproacheditbecameevidentthatnoopiummeantnodinner,andalittlelater,thatdinnerornodinnertheopiumwasstillanecessity.AhalfgrainIthoughtmightcarrymethroughtheday,butinthisIwasmistaken.AsIlayuponmyfriend'ssofa,sufferingfromastrangemedleyof

hunger,pain,andweakness,itseemedthatyearsmustelapsebeforethesystemcouldregainitstoneorthebodilysensationsbecomeatallendurable.SoonafterdinnerIfeltobligedtotakeanotherhalf-grain.MyhumiliationinfailingtotriumphwhenandhowIhadresolvedtodo,wasexcessive.Inspiteofthestrongestresolutions,Iwasstillanopium-eater.IsomehowfeltthatafterallIhadgonethroughIought,tohavesucceeded.Iwasinnomoodtospeculateaboutthecausesofthefailure;itwasenoughtoknowthatIhadfailed,andwhatwasworse,thatapparentlynothingwhateverhadbeengainedinthelastfourdays.WhileIcertainlyfeltnotemptationtogivein,Ithoughtitpossiblethatsomeofthefunctionsofthebody,fromthelonguseofopium,mighthavecompletelylosttheirpowersofnormalaction,andthatIshouldbeobligedtocontinueavery

moderateuseofthedrugduringtheremainderofmylife.Isaw,indismalperspective,thatsmallfractionalpartoftheopiumofyearswhichwasnowrepresentedbyasinglegrain,loomingupinendlessdistance,notunlikethatpuzzlingmetaphysicalnecessityintheperpetualsubdivisionofaunit,which,carriedasfarasitmaybe,alwaysleavesafinalhalfundisposedof.ButinthisIdidmyselfinjustice.Ihadreallygainedmuchinthesefewdays,andtheproofofitlayintheuseofbuthalfagrainonthedaywhichsucceededNewYear's.ThethirddayofJanuary,greatlytomysurprise,aquarter-grainIfoundcarriedmethroughthetwenty-fourhourswithapparentlysomeslightremissionofsuffering.

AsInowlookbackuponit,theworstoftheexperimentlayinthe

threeweeksinterveningbetweenthe10thandthe31stofDecember.Sofarasmerepainofbodywasconcerned,therewaslittletochoosebetweentheagonyofonedayandanother;buttheapprehensionthatinsanitymightsetin,certainlyaggravatedthedistressofthelaterstagesofthetrial.Whenamanknowsthatheispracticingself-controltotheveryutmost,andholdinghimselfupsteadilytohisworkinspiteofthegravestdiscouragements,theconsciousnessthatalargevacuumisbeinggraduallyformedinhisbrainisnotexhilarating.


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Thenextday--tomeaverymemorableone--thefourthofJanuary,Isatformostofthedayrockingbackwardandforwardonasofaorachair,speakingoccasionallyafewwordsinalowsepulchralvoice,butwiththeonebitterfeeling,penetratingmywholenature,thatcomewhatwould,onthatday_Iwouldnot_.

Whentheclockstrucktwelveatmidnight,andIknewthatforthefirsttimeinmanyyearsIhadlivedforanentiredaywithoutopium,itexcitednosurpriseorexultation.Thecapacityforanemotionofanykindwasexhausted.Iseemedaslittlecapableofasentimentasamanwellcouldbe,thissideofhiswinding-sheet.Iknew,ofcourse,thatinthesefortydayssaveone,Ihadworkedouttheproblem,Howtoleaveoffopium,andthatIhadapparentlyattainedafinaldeliverance:butitwasseveralweeksbeforeIappreciatedwithanyconfidencethecompletionofthetaskIhadundertaken.

Althoughtheopiumhabitwasbroken,itwasonlytoleavemeinaconditionofmuchfeeblenessandsuffering.Icouldnotsleep,Icouldnotsitquietly,Icouldnotlieinanyonepostureformanyminutestogether.Thenervoussystemwasthoroughlyderanged.WeakasIhadbecome,Ifeltacontinualdesiretowalk.Theweatherwasunfavorable,butImanagedtogetseveralmilesofexercisealmostdaily.Butthisreliefwaslimitedtofourorfivehoursatmost,andlefttheremainderofthedayawearyweightuponmyhands.The

aversiontoreadinghadbecomesuchthatsomemonthselapsedbeforeItookupabookwithanypleasure.EventhedailypapersweremorethanIcouldwellfixmyattentionupon,exceptinthebriefestandmostcursoryway.Withinaweek,however,thesenseofacutepainrapidlydiminished,buttheirritability,impatience,andincapacitytodoanythinglongremainedunrelieved.Thedisorderedliverbecameapparentlymoredisorderedwiththeprogressoftime,producingsucheffectsuponthebowelsasmaywithmorefitnessbetoldaphysicianthanrecordedhere.Thetonsilsofthethroatwereswollen,thethroatitselfinflamed,whilethechestwaspenetratedwithwhatseemedlikepulsationsofpricklyheat.Therewasalsoasenseoffullnessinthemusclesofthearmsandlegswhichseemedtobepermeated,ifImaysoexpressit,withheatedelectricity.Thegeneralconditionofthe

nervoussystemwillbesufficientlyindicatedbythestatementthatitwasbetweenthreeorfourmonthsbeforeIcouldholdapenwithanydegreeofsteadiness.Meantime,singularasitmayseem,theappearanceofhealthandvigorhadastonishinglyincreased.Ihadgainedmorethantwentypoundsinweight,partly,Isuppose,theresultofleavingoffopiumandtobacco,andpartlytheconsequenceoftheinsatiableappetitewithwhichIwasconstantlyfollowed.Withinamonthafterthecloseoftheopiumstrife,Iwasrepeatedlycongratulateduponmyhealthy,vigorouscondition.Fewmenintheentirecityboreaboutthemmoreoftheappearanceofperfecthealth,andfewerstillwereprobablyinsuchastateofexhaustedvitality.

DuringthetimeIwasleavingoffopiumIhadlaboredunderthe

impressionthatthehabitoncemastered,aspeedyrestorationtohealthwouldfollow.Iwasbynomeansprepared,therefore,forthealmostinappreciablegainintheweekswhichsucceeded,andinsomeanxietyconsultedanumberofphysicians,whoeachsuggestedinatimidwaythetrial,someofstrychnine,someofvalerian,someoflupuline,hyoscyamus,ignatia,belladonna,andwhatnot.IdonotknowthatIderivedtheslightestbenefitfromanyoftheseprescriptions,orfromanyothertherapeuticagency,unlessIexceptthegoodeffectsforafewdaysofbitters,andofcoldshower-bathsfromatankinwhichicewasfloating.


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ThemostjudiciousofthemedicalgentlemenwhoseaidIinvoked,was,Ithink,theonewhorepliedtomyinquiryforhisbill,"Whatfor?Ihavedoneyounogood,andhavelearnedmorefromyouthanyouhavefromme."

Thisconstitutestheentirehistoryofmymedicalexperience,andismentionedasbeingtheonly,andaverysmalladjuncttothegreatremedy--patient,persistent,obstinateendurance.Soexceedingslowhasbeentheprocesstowardtherestorationofanaturalconditionofthesystem,thatwritingnow,attheexpirationofmorethanayearsinceopiumwasfinallyabandoned,itseemstomeveryuncertainwhen,ifever,thisresultwillbereached.BetweenfourandfivemonthselapsedbeforeIwasatallcapableofcommandingmyattentionorcontrollingthenervousimpatienceofmindandbody.Ithenassentedtoaproposalwhichinvolvedthenecessityofagooddealofsteadywork,inthehopethatconstantoccupationwoulddiverttheattentionfromthenervousnessunderwhichIsufferedandwouldrestoretheself-reliancewhichhadsolongfailedme.Itwasafoolishexperiment,andmighthaveprovedafatalone.ThebusinessIhadundertakenrequiredaclearheadandaveragehealth,andIhadneither.Thesleepwasshortandimperfect,rarelyexceedingtwoorthreehours.Thechestwasinaconstantheatandverysore,whilethepreviousbiliousdifficultiesseemedinnowayovercome.Themouthwas

parched,thetongueswollen,andalowfeverseemedtohavetakenentirepossessionofthesystem,withspecialandpeculiarexasperationsinthemusclesofthearmsandlegs.

ThedifficultyofthinkingtoanypurposewasonlyequalledbythereluctancewithwhichIcouldbringmyselftothetaskofholdingapen.Forafewweeks,however,thenecessityofnotwhollydisgracingmyselfforcedmeonafterapoorfashion;butattheendoftwomonthsIwasaused-upman.Iwouldsitforhourslookinglistlesslyuponasheetofpaper,helplessoforiginatinganideauponthecommonestofsubjects,andwithaprevailingsensationofowningalargeemptinessinthebrain,whichseemedchieflyfilledwithastupidwonderwhenallthiswouldend.

Morethananentireyearhasnowpassed,inwhichIhavedonelittleelsethantoputtheprecedingdetailsintoshapefrombriefmemorandamadeatthetimeoftheexperiment.Whilethephysicalagonyceasedalmostimmediatelyaftertheopiumwasabandoned,theirritationofthesystemstillcontinues.Idonotknowhowbettertodescribemypresentstatethanbytheuseoflanguagewhichprofessionalmenmayregardasneitherscientificnoraccurate,butwhichwillexpress,Ihope,tounprofessionalreaderstheideaIwishtoconvey,whenIsaythattheentiresystemseemstomenotmerelytohavebeenpoisoned,butsaturatedwithpoison.Hadsomevirusbeentransfusedintotheblood,whichcarriedwithittoeverynerveofsensationasenseofpainful,exasperatingunnaturalness,thefeelingwouldnot,Iimagine,

beunlikewhatIamendeavoringtoindicate.

ADDENDA.--AtthetimeofwritingtheprecedingnarrativeIhadsupposedthattheentirestorywastold,andthattheintelligentreader,shouldthisrecordeverseethelight,wouldnaturallyinfer,asImyselfimaginedwouldbethecase,thattheunnaturalconditionofthebodywouldsoonbecomechangedintoastateofaveragehealth.InthisIwasmistaken.Sotenaciousandobstinateinitsholduponitsvictimistheopiumdisease,thatevenafterthelapseoftenyearsitspoisonousagencyisstillfelt.Withoutsomereferenceto


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theseremoterconsequencesofthehastyabandonmentofconfirmedhabitsofopium-eating,thechiefobjectofthisnarrativeasaguidetoothers(whowillcertainlyneedalltheinformationonthesubjectthatcanbegiventhem)wouldfailofbeingsecured.Whileunquestionablytheheaviestpartofthesufferingresultingfromsuchachangeofhabitbelongstothefewweeksinwhichthepatientisabandoningopium,itoughtnottobeconcealedthatthisbriefperiodbynomeanscomprisesthelimitwithinwhichhewillfindhimselfobligedtomaintainthemostrigidwatchoverhimself,lestthefeelingofdesperationwhichattimesassaultshimfromthehopeofimmediatephysicalrestorationdisappointedandindefinitelypostponed,shoulddrivehimbacktohisoldhabits.Indeed,withsometemperaments,thegreatestdangerofarelapsecomesin,notduringtheprocessofabandonment,butafterthehabithasbeenbroken.Greatbodilypainservesonlytorouseupsomenaturestoamoreearneststrife,and,astheirsufferingsbecomemoreintense,thedeterminationnottoyieldgainsanunnaturalstrength.Themindisvindicatingitselfasthemasterofthebody.Whileinthisstate,torturesandthefagotarepowerlesstoextortgroansorconfessionsfromtherackedorhalf-consumedmartyr.Manyasuffererhasbornetheagonyofthebootsorthethumb-screwwithoutflinching,whosecouragehasgivenwayunderthelesspainfulbutmoreunendurablepunishmentofprolongedimprisonment.Intheonecaseallaman'spowersofresistanceareroused;hefeelsthathismanhoodisatstake,andhe

enduresasmenwillendurewhentheyseethatthequestionhowfartheyaretheirownmasters,isatissue.Thereare,Ithink,agreatnumberofmenandwomenwhowouldgounflinchinglytothestakeinvindicationofaprinciple,whoseresolution,somewhereinthecourseofalong,solitary,andindefiniteimprisonment,wouldbreakdownintoadiscreditablecompromiseofopinionsforwhichtheywereunquestionablywillingtodie.

Inthesamewayamanwillforatimeendureevenfrightfulsufferinginrelinquishingapernicioushabit,whilehemayfailtoholduphisdeterminationagainsttheassaultsoftheapparentlynever-endingirritation,discomfort,pain,andsleeplessnesswhichmaybecountedonasbeing,sometimesatleast,amongtheremoterconsequencesofthe

struggleinwhichhehasengaged.Iwishit,however,distinctlyunderstoodthatIdonotsupposethattheexperienceofotherswhoseuseofopiumhadbeensimilartomyown,wouldnecessarilycorrespondtomineinalloreveninmanyrespects.OpiumistheProteusofmedicine,andsciencehasnotyetsucceededintearingawaythemanymasksitwears,norintracingthemarvellouslydiversifiedaspectsitiscapableofassuming.AmongmanycasesoftherelinquishmentofopiumwithwhichIhavebeenmadeacquainted,nothingismoreperplexingthanthedifferenceofthespecificconsequences,astheyareexhibitedinpersonsofdifferenttemperamentsandhabits.ForsuchdifferencesIdonotpretendtoaccount.Thatisthebusinessofthethoroughlyeducatedphysician,andnounprofessionalman,howeverwidehispersonalexperience,hastherighttodogmatizeorevento

expresswithmuchconfidencesettledopinionsuponthesubject.MyobjectwillbefullyattainedifIsucceedingivingajustandtruthfulimpressionofthemoremarkedfinalconsequencesofthehastydisuseofopiuminthissinglecase,leavingittomedicalmentoexplainthecomplicatedrelationsofanopium-saturatedconstitutiontothefreeandhealthyfunctionsoflife.

Inmyowncase,themostmarkedamongthelaterconsequencesofthediseaseofopium,someofwhichremaintothepresenttimeandseemtobepermanentlyengraftedupontheconstitution,havebeenthese:


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1.Pressureuponthemusclesofthelimbsandintheextremities,sometimesasofelectricityapparentlyaccumulatedthereunderastrongmechanicalforce.

2.Adisorderedconditionoftheliver,exhibitingitselfinthevarietyofuncomfortablemodesinwhichthatorgan,whenactingirregularly,isaccustomedtoassertitsgrievances.

3.Asensitiveconditionofthestomach,rejectingmanykindsoffoodwhichareregardedbymedicalmenassimpleandeasyofdigestion.

4.Acuteshootingpains,confinedtonoonepartofthebody.

5.Anunnaturalsensitivenesstocold.

6.Frequentcoldperspirationinpartsofthebody.

7.Atendencytoimpatienceandirritabilityoftemper,withparoxysmsofexcitementwhollyforeigntothenaturaldisposition.

8.Deficiencyandirregularityofsleep.

9.Occasionalprostrationofstrength.

10.Inaptitudeforsteadyexertion.

Imentionwithouthesitancytheseconsequencesoftheabandonmentofopium,fromthebeliefthatanypersonreallyinearnestinhisdesiretorelinquishthehabitwillbemorelikelytoperseverebyknowingatthestartexactlywhatobstacleshemaymeetinhisprogresstowardperfectrecovery,thanbyhavingitgraduallyrevealedtohim,andthatattimeswhenhisbodyandmindarebothenfeebledbywhathehaspassedthrough.Withasingleexception,thedismostseriousoneIhavebeenobligedtoencounter.Whetheritisoneofthespecificeffectsofthedisuseofopium,oronlyoneofthemanygeneralresultsofadisorderedconstitution,Idonotknow.

Icanonlysayinmyowncase,thatafterthelapseofyears,thisparticulardifficultyisnotwhollyovercome.Thiselectriccondition,sotocallit,stillcontinuesaseriousannoyance.Butwhenitoccurs,thepainisoflessduration,andgradually,butveryslowly,isofdiminishedfrequency.Violentexercisewillsometimesrelieveit;alongwalkhasoftenthesameeffect.Theuseofstimulantsbringsalleviationforatime,butthereseemstobenopermanentremedyexceptintheperfectrestorationofthesystembytimefromthiseffectofthewearandtearofopiumuponthenerves.Irregularityintheactionoftheliver,whilesingularlymarkedintheearlierstagesoftheexperiment,andcontinuingforyearstomakeitsagencymanifestlyfelt,isinaconsiderabledegree

checkedandcontrolledbyajudicioususeofcalomel.

TheconditionofthedigestiveorgansislessimpairedthanIshouldhavesupposedpossible,judgingfromtheexperienceofothers.Amoderatedegreeofattentiontothequalityofwhatiseaten,withpropercaretoavoidwhatisnoteasilydigested,withtheexerciseofhabitualself-controlinrespecttoquantity,sufficestoprevent,forthemostpart,allunendurablefeelingsofdiscomfortinthispartofthesystem.Whetherthehabituallyfebrileconditionofthemouth,andtheswollenstateofthetongue,isreferabletoadisturbed


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actionofthestomachoroftheliverIcannotsay.Itiscertainthatnoneoftheeffectsofopium-eatingaremoremarkedormoreobstinatelytenaciousintheirholduponthesystemthanthese.Ibarelyadverttothefrequentimpossibilityofretainingsomekindsoffooduponthestomach,whichhasbeenoneunpleasantpartofmyexperience,becauseIdoubtwhetherthisreturnofadifficultywhichbeganinchildhoodhasanynecessaryconnectionwiththeuseofopium.FormanyyearsbeforeIknewanythingofthedrugIhadbeenadailysuffererfromthiscause.Indeedtheuseofopiumseemedtocontrolthistendency,anditwasonlywhentheremedywasabandonedthattheoldannoyancereturned.Forafewmonthsthestomachrejectedeverykindoffood;butinlessthanayear,andsubsequentlytothepresenttime,thishasbeenofonlyoccasionalocurrence.

IamalsoatalosshowfartoconnectthedisuseofopiumwiththelancinatingpainswhichhavetroubledmesincethetimetowhichIrefer.ThesepainsbeganlongbeforeIhadrecoursetoopium,theydidnotceasetheirfrequentattackswhileopiumwasused,norhavetheyfailedtomaketheirpotencyfeltsinceopiumwasabandoned.Whileitisnotimprobablethattheneuralgicdifficultiesofmychildhoodmighthaveremainedtothepresenttime,evenifIhadnevermadeuseofopium,Ithinkthattheexperienceofallwhohaveundergonethetrialshowsthatsimilarpainsareinvariablyattendantuponthedisuseofopium.Howlongtheirpresencemightbeprotractedwith

personsnotantecedentlytroubledinthisway,isaquestionIcannotanswer.Iinferfromwhatlittlehasbeenrecorded,andfromwhatIhavelearnedinotherways,thatthereformingopium-eatermustmakeuphismindtoaprotractedencounterwiththisgreatenemytohispeace.ThatthestruggleofotherswiththisdifficultywillbeprolongedasminehasbeenIdonotbelieve,unlesstheyhavebeensubjectedforalifetimetopainsconnectedwithdisorderinthenervoussystem.

TheunnaturalsensitivenesstocoldtowhichIhavealludedisratheradiscomfortthananythingelse.Itmerelymakesahighertemperaturenecessaryforenjoyment,butinnootherrespectcanitberegardedasdeservingspecialmention.Withthethermometerstandingat80to

85thesensationofagreeablewarmthisperfect;withthemercuryat70orevenhigher,thereisagooddealofthefeelingthatthebonesareinadequatelyprotectedbytheflesh,thattheclothingistoolimitedinquantity,andinwinterthatthecoal-dealerishardlydoingyoujustice.

Thecoldperspirationdownthespine,whichwassomarkedasensationduringtheworstofthetrial,hasnotyetwhollyleftthesystem,butisgreatlylimitedintheextentofsurfaceitaffectsandinthefrequencyofitsreturn.

ThetendencytoimpatienceandirritabilityoftempertowhichIhaveadvertedisbyfarthemosthumiliatingoftheeffectsresultingfrom

theabandonmentofopium.Mendifferverywidelybothintheirliabilitytotheseexcessesoftemperaswellasintheirpowertocontrolthem;butundertheaggravationswhichnecessarilyattendanentirechangeofhabit,thisnaturaltendency,whetheritbesmallorgreat,tohastinessofmindisgreatlyincreased.Solongasthedisturbingcausesremain,whetherthesebethestateoftheliverorthestomach,orawantofsufficientsleep,ortheexcitedconditionofthenervoussystem,thepatientwillfindhimselfcalleduponfortheexerciseofallhisself-controltokeepincheckhisexaggeratedsensibilitytothedailyannoyancesoflife.


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sometimescomeswithgreatfrequency,andsometimesweekswillelapsewithoutareturn.Neitherthestateoftheweather,noranyparticularconditionofthebody,appearstocallitout.Itsometimesisrelievedbyaglassofwater,bytheentranceofastranger,bytheveryslightestexcitement,anditsometimesresiststhestrongeststimulantsandeveryotherattempttocombatit.Icanrecordnothingelserespectingthisvisitantexceptthatitspresenceisalwaysaccompaniedwithasingularsensationinthestomach,andthattheentirenervoussystemisaffectedbyitsattack.

Theinaptitudeforsteadyexertionisnotmerelytheconsequenceofthisoccasionalfeelingofexhaustion,butisforatimetheinevitableresultoftheaccumulatedpainandweaknesstowhichhissystem,notyetrestoredtohealth,isstillsubject.Thisimpatienceofcontinuedapplicationtowork,whichiscommontoallopium-eaters,andwhichdoesnotceasewiththeabandonmentofthehabit,seemstoresultinthefirstcasefromsomespecificrelationbetweenthedrugandthemeditativefaculties,promotingastateofhabitualreverieandday-dreaming,utterlyindisposingtheopium-userforanyoccupationwhichwilldisturbthecalmcurrentofhisthoughts,andintheother,proceedingfromthedirectdisorderofthenervousorganizationitself.Strangeasitmayseem,theverythoughtofexertionwilloftenwakeninthereformingopium-eateracutenervouspains,whichceaseonlyasthepurposeisabandoned.Inothercases,

wherethereisnospecialnervoussufferingatthetime,workiseasyandpleasantevenbeyondwhatisnatural.

Oneeffectofopiumuponthe_mind_deservestobementioned;itsinfluenceuponthefacultyofmemory.Thelogicalmemory,DeQuinceysays,seemsinnowaytobeweakenedbyitsuse,butratherthecontrary.Hisowndevotiontotheabstractprinciplesofpoliticaleconomy;thecharacterofColeridge'sliterarylaborsbetweentheyears1804-16,whenhisuseofopiumwasmostinordinate;togetherwiththecastofmindofmanyotherwell-knownopium-eaters,confirmsthissuggestionofDeQuincey.Hisfurtherstatementthatthememoryofdates,isolatedevents,andparticularfacts,isgreatlyweakenedbyopium,isconfirmedbymyownexperience.Howeverphysiologistsmay

explainthisfact,aknowledgeofitmaynotbewithoutitsusetothosewhodesiretobemadethoroughlyacquaintedwithalltheconsequencesoftheopiumhabit.

Iftothesediscomfortsbeaddedaprevailingtendencytoafebrileconditionofbody,togetherwithpermanentdisorderinportionsofthesecretorysystem,thecatalogueofannoyanceswithwhichthelong-reformedopium-eatermayhavetocontendiscompleted.Thisstatementisnotmadetoexaggeratethesufferingconsequentuponthedisuseofopium,butismadeonthegroundthatafullapprehensionofwhatthepatientmaybecalledupontogothroughwillbestenablehimtomakeuphismindtooneresolute,unflinchingeffortfortheredemptionofhimselffromhisbadhabits.

Sofarasthebodyisconcerned,thereismuchinmyexperiencewhichinducesmetogiveageneralassenttotheopinionexpressedbyamedicalmanofgreatreputationwhomIrepeatedlyconsultedinreferencetothediscouragingslownessofmyownrestorationtoperfecthealth."Icannotsee,"hesaid,"thatyourconstitutionhasbeenpermanentlyinjured;butyouwereagreatmanyyearsgettingintothisstate,andIthinkitwilltakenearlyasmanytogetyououtofit."


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Itmaynotbeamisstoaddthatthoseopium-eaterswhosecircumstancesexemptthemfromharassingcares,whomeetonlywithkindnessandsympathyfromfriends,andwhohaveresourcesforenjoymentwithinthemselves,haveinrespecttothesesubsequentinconveniencesgreatlytheadvantageofthosewhosepositionandcircumstancesarelessfortunate.

Thesefreeandalmostconfidentialpersonalstatementshavebeenmade,notwithoutdoingsomeviolencetothatinstinctivesenseofproprietywhichpromptsmentoshrinkfromgivingpublicitytotheirweaknessesandfromthevanityofseemingtoimplythattheirindividualexperienceoflifeisofspecialvaluetoothers.Leavingundecidedthequestionwhetherunderanycircumstancesadeparturefromthegeneralruleofgoodsenseandgoodtasteinsuchmattersisjustifiable,Ihave,nevertheless,donewhatIcouldtogivetoopium-eatersatruthfulstatementoftheconsequencesthatmayensuefromtheirabandonmentofthehabit.Thepathtowardperfectrecoveryiscertainlyawearyonetotravel;butinalltheselongyears,withnervoussensibilitiesunnaturallyactive,inmuchpainofbody,throughinnumerablesleeplessnights,withhopedeferredandtheexpectationofcompleterestorationindefinitelyprolonged,Ihaveneverlostfaithinthefinaltriumphofapatientandpersistentresolution.Manymenseemtoknowlittleofthewonderfulpowerwhichsimpleendurancehas,indeterminingeveryconflictbetweengoodand

evil.Thetriumphwhichisachievedinasingledayisatriumphhardlyworththehaving;butwhenallimpatience,unreasonableness,weaknessesandvanitieshavebeenburnedoutofournaturesbytheheatofsuffering;whentheresolutionneverfalterstoendurepatientlywhatevermaycomeintheendeavortomeasureone'sowncasejustly,andexactlyasitis;andwhentimehasbeenallowedtoexertitslegitimateinfluenceincalmingwhateverhasbeendisturbedandcorrectingwhateverhasbeenprejudiced,aconsciousstrengthisdevelopedfarbeyondwhatisnaturaltomenpossessedonlyofordinarypowersofendurance.Itischieflythroughpatientwaitingthattheconfirmedvictimofopiumcanlookforrelief.Allwhohavemadeheroiceffortstothisend,andyethavefailedintheirattempt,havedonesothroughtheabsenceofadequateconfidenceintheefficacyof

timetobringthemrelief.The_one_lesson,however,whichthereformingopium-eatermustlearnis,nevertorelinquishanygain,howeverslight,whichhemaymakeuponhisbadhabit.Patiencewillbringhimreliefatlast,andthoughhemayandwillfindhisprogresscontinuallythwartedandhimselfoftentemptedtogiveoverthecontestindespair,hemaybesurethatyearbyyearheissteadilyadvancingtotheperfectrecoveryofallthathehaslost.

Theopium-eaterwillnotregardasamisssomefewsuggestionsastothemodeinwhichhishabitmaymosteasilybeabandoned.Thebestadvicethatcanbegiven--the_only_advicethatwilleverbegivenbyanopium-eater--is,nevertobeginthehabit.Theobjectionatonceoccurs,bothtothemedicalmanandtothepatientsuffering

fromextremenervousdisorder,Whatremedythenshallbegiveninthosenumerouscasesinwhichtheprotracteduseofopium,laudanum,ormorphineisfoundnecessary?Theobviousansweris,thatnomedicalmaneverintendstogivethisdruginsuchquantitiesorforsolongatimeastoestablishinthepatientaconfirmedhabit.Thefrequent,ifnottheusualhistoryofconfirmedopium-eatersisthis:Aphysicianprescribesopiumasananodyne,andthepatientfindsfromitsusethereliefwhichwasanticipated.Veryfrequentlyhefindsnotmerelythathispainhasbeenrelieved,butthatwiththisreliefhasbeenassociatedafeelingofpositive,perhapsofextremeenjoyment.A


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recurrenceofthesamepaininfalliblysuggestsarecurrencetothesameremedy.Theadviceofthemedicalmanisnotinvoked,becausethepatientknowsthatmorphineorlaudanumwasthesimpleremedythatprovedsoefficaciousbefore,andthishecanprocureaswellwithoutaswiththedirectionofhisphysician.Hebecomeshisowndoctor,prescribesthesameremedythemedicalmanhasprescribed,andchargesnothingforhisadvice.Theresorttothispleasantmedicationafternolongtimebecomeshabitual,andthepatientfindsthattheremedy,whoseusehehadsupposedwassanctionedbyhisphysician,hasbecomehistyrant.Ifpatientsexhibitedthesamereluctancetotheadministrationofopiumthattheydotodrugsthatarenauseous,ifthecollateraleffectsoftheformerwerenomorepleasurablethanlobeliaorcastoroil,nothingmorecouldbesaidagainstself-medicationinonecasethantheother.Opium-eatersaremadesuch,notbythephysician'sprescriptionofopiumtopatientsinwhosecasesitsuseisindispensable,butbytheirnotgivingtogetherwithsuchprescriptionsemphaticandearnestcautionthattheremedyisnottobetakenexceptwhenspeciallyordered,inconsequenceofthehazardthatahabitmaybeformedwhichitwillbedifficulttobreak.Patientstowhomitisregularlyadministeredarenotatfirstgenerallyawarehoweasilythishabitisacquired,norwithwhatdifficultyitisrelinquished,especiallybypersonsofnervoustemperamentandenfeebledhealth.Thenumberofcases,Isuspect,issmallinwhichtheuseofopiumhasbecomeanecessity,wherethe

directionofaphysicianmaynotbepleadedasjustifyingitsoriginalemployment.

TheobjectIhaveinviewisnot,however,somuchtomakesuggestionstomedicalmenasitistoawakeninthevictimsofopiumthefeelingthattheycanmasterthetyrantbysuchactsofresolution,patience,andself-controlasmostmenarefullycapableofexhibiting.Certainconditions,however,seemtobethealmostindispensablepreliminariestosuccessinrelinquishingopiumbythosewhohavebeen_long_habituatedtoitsuse.Thefirstandmostimportantoftheseisafirmconvictiononthepartofthepatientthatthetaskcanbeaccomplished.Withoutthishecandonothing.Thenarrativesgiveninthisvolumeshowitsentirepracticability.Inadditiontothis,it

shouldberememberedthattheseexperimentsweremostofthemmadeintheabsenceofanysufficientguidance,fromtheexperienceofothers,astothemethodandalleviationswithwhichthetaskcanbeaccomplished.Asecondconditionnecessarytosuccess,issufficientphysicalhealth,withsufficientfirmnessofcharactertoundergo,asamatterofcourse,theinevitablesufferingofthebody,andtoresisttheequallyinevitabletemptationtothemindtogiveupthestrifeundersomeparoxysmofimpatience,orinsomemomentofdarkdespondency.Withaverymoderateshareofvigorofconstitution,andwithawill,capableunderothercircumstancesofstrenuousandsustainedexertion,thereisnooccasiontoanticipateafailurehere.Evenincasesofimpairedhealth,andwithadiminishedcapacityforresoluteendeavor,successis,Ibelieve,attainable,provided

sufficienttimebetakenforthetrial.

Afurtherconditionliesintheattemptbeingmadeunderthemostfavorablecircumstancesinrespecttoabsoluteleisurefrombusinessofeverykind.Thatnothingcanbeaccomplishedbypersonswhosetimeisnotattheirowncommand,byagraduatedeffortprotractedthroughmanymonths,Idonotsay,forIdonotbelieveit;butanyspeedyrelinquishmentofopium--thatis,withinamonthortwo--seemstometobewhollyimpossible,excepttothosewhoaresosituatedthattheycangiveuptheirwholetimeandattentiontotheeffort.


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Thiseffortshouldbemadewiththeadviceandundertheeyeofanintelligentphysician.SofarasIhavehadopportunitytoknow,theprofessiongenerallyisnotwellinformedonthesubject.InmyowncaseIcertainlyfoundnoonewhoseemedfamiliarwiththephenomenapertainingtotherelinquishmentofopium,orwhosesuggestionsindicatedevenincaseswherethephysicianhashadnoexperiencewhateverinthisclassofdisorders,hecan,ifawell-educatedman,bringhismedicalknowledgeandmedicalreasoningtobearuponthevariousstates,bothofbodyandmind,whichthevaryingsufferingsofthepatientmaymakeknowntohim.Werethere,indeed,noprofessionalhelpstobesecuredbysuchconsultation,itisstillofinfiniteservicetothepatienttoknowsomeonetowhomhecanfrequentlyimpartthehistoryofhisstruggleandtheprogressheismaking.Suchconfidencemaydomuchtoencouragethepatient,andnooneissoproperapersoninwhomtoreposethisconfidenceasanintelligentphysician.

Theamountoftimewhichshouldbedevotedtotheexperimentmustdependverygreatlyupontheseconsiderations--theconstitutionofthepatient,thelengthoftimewhichhaselapsedsincethehabitwasformed,andthequantityhabituallytaken.Whenthehabitisofrecentdate,andthedailydosehasnotbeenlarge--saynotmorethantenortwelvegrains--ifthepatienthasaveragehealth,hisemancipation

fromtheevilmaybeattainedinacomparativelyshortperiod,thoughnotwithoutmanysharppangsandmanywakefulnightswhichwillcallfortheexerciseofallhisresolution.

Thequestionwillnaturallysuggestitselftoothers,asithasoftendonetomyself,whetheralesssuddenrelinquishmentofopiumwouldnotbepreferableasbeingattendedwithlesspresentandlesssubsequentsuffering.Numerouscaseshavecomeundermynoticewhereaverygradualreductionwasattempted,butwhichresultedinfailure.Onlytwoexceptionsareknowntome:inoneofthesethepatient,himselfaphysician,effectedhisreleasebyagraduatedreductionextendingthroughfivemonths.TheotheristhecaseofDr.S.,aphysicianofeminenceinConnecticutmanyyearsago.This

gentlemanhadmadesofreeuseofopiumtocounteractatendencytoconsumptionthatthehabitbecameestablished.Afterseveralyears,andatthesuggestionofhiswife,hemadearesolutiontoabandonit,engagingtotakenoopiumexceptasitpassedthroughherhands,butwiththeunderstandingthattheprocessofrelinquishmentwastobeslowandgradual.Hisallowanceatthistimewasunderstoodtobefromtwentytothirtygrainsofcrudeopiumdaily.Attheendoftwoyearsthehabitwasabandoned,withnoveryserioussufferingduringthetime,andsofarashisdaughterwasinformed,withnosubsequentinconveniencetohimself.Helivedmanyyearsafterhisdisuseofopium,intheactivedischargeofthedutiesofhisprofession,anddiedatlastintheninetiethyearofhisage.Thehazardofthiscourse,however,consistsinthepossibility,nottosaywithsome

temperamentstheprobability,thatsomewhereinthecourseofsoverygradualadescentthesameinfluenceswhichledoriginallytotheuseofopiummayrecur,withnocounteractinginfluencederivedfromtheexcitementofthemindproducedbytheearnestnessofthestruggle.WithsomeconstitutionsIhavenodoubtthataprocessevensoslowasthatofDr.S.'smightbesuccessful,butIsuspect,withmostmen,thatsomemoodofexcitedfeeling,andsomeconscioussenseofconflict,willbefoundnecessary,inordertobringthemupresolutelytotheworkofself-emancipation.Ontheotherhand,Iamsatisfiedthatmyowndescentwastoorapid.Hadtheexperimentof


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the opium habit by day, horace b

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