the north carolina 4 th grade writing test: focus lesson the mall of america-
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The North Carolina 4 th Grade Writing Test: FOCUS LESSON The Mall of America- You Can’t Tell It All Kathy Bumgardner [email protected]. The Mall of America…You Can’t Tell It ALL…. - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
The North Carolina
4th Grade Writing Test:
FOCUS LESSON
The Mall of America-
You Can’t Tell It All
Kathy Bumgardner
It is the morning of the North Carolina Fourth Grade Writing Test. A 4th grade student opens up her writing test to find the following prompt that she will need to respond to:
Tell about a time that you had fun with a
friend or a relative. Write a story about a fun time with a friend
or a relative.
NC 4th Grade Writing Prompt
The 4th Grade girl began to think:
•I have had many fun times.
•What should I write about?
•I think maybe my trip to see my friend Lauren last year.
•But we did SO MANY fun things that weekend!
• My teacher has told us we have to write about ONE MAIN EVENT.
• I think I will write about the MALL of AMERICA….but that is TOO BIG to focus on as one WOW Moment!
• What are the things we did at the Mall of America?
We walked around and saw many wonderful stores and lots of people….I could write about one of those…OR…
We even saw a live show with real singers and a band. It was cool. I could write about that….OR….
There was even an amusement park that was IN the mall! It was called Camp Snoopy and we spent almost 2 hours just in the park!
In Camp Snoopy we saw a ferris wheel, some swings, the log flumes.
We even went shopping in the SNOOPSHOP and bought some hats.
But when we went up on this bridge in the park we could see all around. That's when we saw the roller coaster that went all the way around the park and way up into the air. WOW! We ran straight to get a ride on that coaster!
The Mall of America:
Things we did that were fun:•Went shopping in stores•Saw lots of people•Watched a real band on stage•Went into an amusement
park inside of the mall called Camp Snoopy
I liked Camp Snoopy…the amusement
park… the best:•Shopped for hats in the Snoop Shop
•Rode some great rides
That is it! I remembered the ROLLER
COASTER RIDE. Wow….!
That is something I
could write my story about!!
Roller Coaster
I am going to write about the ride that Lauren and I took on that ROLLER COASTER at the Mall of America. That will make a great WOW Moment!
I can put the ride into SLOW MOTION REPLAY and show my readers why it was so much fun!
MY FOCUS STATEMENT:
My story is going to be about….
…the time that I had fun with my friend Lauren when we rode the roller coaster at the Mall of America…
•What did I see?
•What did I hear?
•What did I think?
•What did I feel?
•What was my body doing?
•What was I saying?
SLO
W M
OTIO
N
REP
LA
Y
MY PLAN:
Who: Lauren and me
What: a fun time on the roller coaster at Mall of America
When: Cold February
Where: Minnesota- Mall of America
Rising Actions:
•Arrive at mall
•Head to amusement park
•Describe- huge, lots of rides
•See roller coaster- goes around whole park
MAIN EVENT: The Roller Coaster Ride
•Getting on
•Jerking forward
•Zooming and screaming
•Dark tunnel- see statues
•Going up and down hills- tipping in-ward
•Scared of falling out
•Everyone frozen with fear
•Lights blinking high up
CLOSING ACTIONS:
•Pull back in
•We hop out
CONCLUSION:
•We tell each other that we had fun
•We go to next ride
A time I had fun with a friend was when I went to Minneapolis, Minnesota on a chilly February morning to visit the great Mall of America. I was 10 years old and had come to visit one of my best friends Lauren. Lauren had moved with her family to Minnesota from Greensboro, and I was happy to get to visit her again. That morning we decided to go to the huge Mall of America. We had quite a time!
Introduction
At about 11:00 we were out the door and almost there. When we arrived, we jumped out of the car and headed for the door. We went in and ran straight to the giant amusement park. It was a huge place, with huge rides! There was a ferris wheel, a roller coaster, a log flume, giant swings and much, much more! Of course we ran straight for the roller coaster. It was a huge roller coaster with steel green tracks that went swiftly around the whole amusement park.
Rising Actions
When it was finally our turn to get on, Lauren and I hopped into the first seat. My mom and Lauren’s mom were right behind us. My heart was pounding as we awaited the ride. Then, all of a sudden the ride jerked us forward and off we were! We were zooming across the place with our arms in the air and screaming our head off! Boy were we speeding! We were going as fast as a speeding bullet! Suddenly, we were in a dark tunnel, with Paul Bunyan moving statues spinning all around us.
Main Event
The roller coaster was going up a hill-like thing and then it started speeding downward again. Wow!I felt like I would fall off because the roller coaster was tipping in-ward pulling my body foward. I’m going to fall out I thought while terror gripped my stomach. My hands were clenching the slippery bar with excitement. Suddenly I felt wild and free as we raced down the gigantic tracks.
“This is so much fun!” I screamed. No one else answered. I think they were frozen with fear.
Main Event (continued….)
In the blink of an eye we were on the other side of the amusement park passing by a store. Lights shone in our eyes as we squinted because they were as bright as the afternoon sun. We were above everything there and high in the air.
Main Event (continued….)
When we pulled back into the place where you get on, we all hopped out. Lauren and I almost fell over as we stumbled together dizzily.
Closing Actions
“That was so fun!” we both screamed with excitement as we hugged each other. Giggling, we skipped merrily over to the next ride. That was a time I had fun with a friend.
Conclusion
•Was this story focused?
•Was there a beginning, a middle, and an end? Was the story complete?
•Did most of the details and elaboration fit the story and help the reader “see” the story?
•Did she choose interesting words that fit and use a variety of sentences?
•Did she use mostly correct spelling, capitalization, punctuation, and complete sentences in this story?
Parts of a narrative:
•AN INTRODUCTION
•RISING ACTIONS
•MAIN EVENT•CLOSING ACTIONS
•CONCLUSION
Did her Mall of America story have all of these?
FEATURES of
GOOD WRITING
•Focus
•Organization
•Support & Elaboration
•Style
•Conventions
•Remember that when planning a narrative that you must be able to choose a topic that you can manage in that “Moment in time”.
•It must be “narrow” enough to be able to focus on in one story. It should be focused on one “Moment in Time”…one WOW Moment….one MAIN EVENT.
What is a MAIN EVENT? *This is what a story is building up
to. *The main event is what the story is really all about. *It is unfolded as the story is told. *It is the CENTRAL PROBLEM, CONFLICT, DILEMMA, or MAJOR PART OF THE ADVENTURE. *It may even be the STRUGGLE.
The MAIN EVENT changes the main character in some
way:
*They will never forget it.*They have learned a lesson.*They have had a change of heart.*They have gained something new.
The MAIN EVENT carries significance.
*It is something worth writing about.*It is the major scene in a play.*It is the major part of a chapter.*It is that one vacation or field trip picture that highlights the best part of the whole trip.*It is that WOW moment in time frame by frame.*It is the “slow motion replay”….
A Main Event
Should Contain Some or
All of the Following:
•ACTION-What are you doing? What is going on around you? Show your reader.
•DESCRIPTION-What does it look like? What do you see? What do you smell? How does it feel to your skin?
THOUGHTS / FEELINGS-What are you thinking? How are you feeling?
DIALOGUE-What are you saying? What are others saying? (Caution: Do not list… “he said…I said…he said…” )
Use conversation strategically!
See Hear Think Feel SayingTo
Others
What do you see around you at this moment?
What do you hear around you at this moment?
What are you thinking?
How are you feeling at this moment?
What are you saying to others around you?
Stretching It Out
Spicing Up My Writing StyleHow it’s said… Substitute
Words
In a happy way….. laughed, joked, rejoiced, giggled, lilted, sang out…
In a sad way….. Cried, agonized, sobbed, groaned, sniveled, wept, lamented, mourned…
In an angry way…. Raged, miffed, fumed, seethed, thundered, retorted, blurted….
What’s the MAIN EVENT?
• Trip to Disney World or The Scary Roller Coaster Ride?
• Fun at the Beach or Finding a Special Shell?
• The Best Field Day Ever or Winning the Tug of War Event with My Class
• My Favorite Christmas or a Surprise Bike for Christmas
Remember….that when planning to write to a prompt that you should choose a topic and plan your story so that you can:
•FOCUS on a whole story
•ORGANIZE with a beginning, middle, and end
•SUPPORT and ELABORATE with details that help your reader SEE your story….bring your story to life!
•Add STYLE- wise word choice/variety
•Use correct CONVENTIONS
