The most dull stories about

Shafi and Silvio

By Oded

SSF, Sept 2013

PRELIMINARIES

Paraphrasing Leonid Levin:I wish to congratulate the 2012 Turing Award committee for an excellent choice.

Why only dull stories?Less dull stories tend to be inappropriatefor public occasions: E.g., may insult some people (mostly ones not present).

A QUIZ

1. What are the boxes under Shafi’s Table?

Stuff moved from Tech Square in early 2000s.Stuff moved from the 8th floor to 3rd floor in mid 1980s.

2. Who can twist Silvio’s arm?Laci Babai [a legend initiated by Silvio, early 1990s].

Nobody! Not even Shafi (cf. “Force of Nature”).

STRATEGIESBackground: In mid 1980s a new network of workstations was installed at the theory group. Each faculty member had to select a bird name for his/her station.

Shafi’s strategy: Select the name Eagle. Optimal (i.e., checkmate) move!

Silvio’s strategy: Change the rules of the game so that he can still win.

Eagle is Silvio’s favorite bird, so by seizing it Shafi is at an ultimate bargaining position.

Silvio picks another favorite, the lion, and claims to the system admin that Winged Lion (of Venice) is a bird.

SILVIO THE HACKERSilvio enters the room proclaiming:

I can solve all Latex problems!

He elaborates: You just hit return enough times (and it prints).

! Something's wrong--perhaps a missing \item.l.126 \end{abstract}?[0]! Undefined control sequence.l.135 \Eagle?! Undefined control sequence.l.138 \WingedLion?LaTeX Warning: Empty `thebibliography' environment on input line 139.[1] (main.aux) )Output written on main.dvi (2 pages, 1076 bytes).Transcript written on main.log.

SHAFI IS FULL OF NOTIONS

Shafi in a diner on the way to Providence: Do you have the notion of a refill?

The attendant: Yes, we have refills, but what is a notion?

SILVIO TEACHES A LESSON

We took a taxi in Paris, and the driver took the longest path (well, not literally…) between two points. I call Silvio’s attention, and he answers “Leave it to me’’.

He stays in the taxi after I get out, and then gets out proclaiming “I taught him a lesson”.

“I gave him a 5 dollar tip so that he knows that he needs not cheat.”

Optional: The architect story.

SHAFI IS A FORCE OF NATURE

Kicking the windshield,

She actually breaks it.

SILVIO EATS Gulab Jamun

We had dinner at Vijai & Umesh’s parents. I passed on the dessert (as usual for me), but Silvio feared that the hosts will take offense.

So he makes up this fantastic speech on sweets, Western vs Eastern cultures, international traffic, God and the redemption. (All, in order to make up…)

Then, the mother says “Oh, you like Gullab Jamon, have another one” and then “one more”.

Silvio (once we are in the street): I will kill you!

The Flight Trilogy, Part I: Shafi

Problem: Promised to give a talk in the morning of day D in some far-away university.

Step 1: Make reservations to all (6-8) flights going out from Logan in day D-1.

Step 2 (@ MIT): Realize it is < 2 hour to the last flight. Take the slides (i.e., all slides). Step 3: Dinner at Bertucci’s. (Ends 1 hour to the flight)

Step 4: Drive home, take clothes (i.e., all, almost).

Step 5: Get to Logan, on time for the flight.

The Flight Trilogy, Part II: Silvio

Some time (in late 1980s), in a café, at the east coast of the Mediterranean (i.e., in Tel-Aviv).

11:30: I meet Silvio and ask at what time is his flight. He answers “In the afternoon.”

13:00: I ask again, and get the same answer.

14:00: I ask again, get the same answer again, but demand to see his flight ticket.

14:03: His flight is at 15:00… It is 45 min drive to airport.

14:35: Inspired by Silvio, we are at the airport. A security guy volunteers to rush Silvio to the gate.

The Flight Trilogy, Part III: AviIn mid 1980s, Avi visited MIT for a week. On the last day:

11:30: I arrive at my office. Avi asks if I can bring him to Logan. I asked at what time is his flight. He says it is at 4pm, but he wants to be there at 2pm. I say it will take me 15 minutes to get to Logan.

11:40: Avi asks how long will it take us to get to Logan. I tell him again that 15 minutes will do.

11:45: He asks again, and I answer again.11:50, 11:55, 12:00, 12:05, 12:10: Ditto.

12:15: Avi cannot be contained. I drive him to the airport.

12:30: at the airport – a final exchange.

Avi confesses that he was lying: His flight is at 7pm.

Some Good Answers

Silvio: “I am a Scientist, I do not have time for such things.”

When being stopped by a police officer and asked why he does not have a valid registration.

Shafi: ``Maybe when I’m old and my mind does not function any more.”

When asked by a journalist if she would like to be the president of Weizmann Institute.

CONCLUSIONS• Shafi and Silvio are visionaries

• They are different:

Silvio is fully aware of being a visionary,

• They are both extremely kind, but

being visionaries they often refer to their vision of other persons, which may differ from the actual persons…

while Shafi is quite unsure of it

End (to be cont)

(at Weizmann, in Dec’13)

The slides of this talk are available at http://www.wisdom.weizmann.ac.il/~oded/T/ssf.ppt