the holy book of lucifer

8/19/2019 The Holy Book of Lucifer

1/39

YCD BJYK-SMBU/WDEB@@? YCD

FB@@ HF ^BYWKBWEC[

YCD CH@[ GHHL HF@TEKFDW

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IDBYC GD TJYH [HTW AHI< FHW K CBVD ECHUDJ.

YCDWD KU HJ@[ HJD. YCDWD KU HJ@[ @TEKFDW.

Kt ks jhtckja yhu ebj ih< tcd idekskhj wbs mbid b ̀hja tkmd bah.

Wdmdmgdr! Ycd ehjflaurbtkhj ks iksthrtdi & arhtdsqud< IH JHY ̂BJKE! [hu cbvd

erhssdi hvdr th sdd yhursd̀f gdfhrd. IH JHY GD B@BWMDI BY [HTW IKUFKATWDMDJY.

Ycks ks tcd Ibwj! Ycks ks tcd Gkrtc hf tcd Jdw Bad< tcks ks tcd ibwj hf cdbvdj bs tcdy

sby. JHQ KU YCD YKMD! WDMDMGDW! WDEB@@!

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3/39

G@HHI HF YCD IDBI ̂HDY? GHHL HJD

& bs wd s̀dpt tcd ̀kfd tcbt cbi spruja fhrtc dxkstdi w/kj tcd sdb & mhvdi bghut kj vbrkhus

cbgktbts< mhst iki wbr babkjst babkjst dbec htcdr & k thhl tcd brmhur k jddidi th ehmgbt tcd

bttbel< htcdrs mhvdi & fhrmdi tcdkr vbrkhus wbys kjth tcd rhels gd̀hw & kjth tcd p̀bjts &

ibjedi w/kj tcd swby hf tcd twkstkja p̀bjdt. chw kt hws h pbst tcd eurrdjt, rbekja gy kj tcd

wbtdrs. cbppy oust th thuec kt bs kt pbssdi...

htcdrs idvksdi mdbjs th swkm & mhvd bghut< stk̀̀ gdttdr hjds b̀h̀wdi tcdmsd̀vds th irkft kj

djìdss scud, dvdjtub̀ỳ gdkja smbscdi uphj tcd schrds & rhels th b̀ h̀w tcdkr pbrtkèds th gd

thssdi kjth tcd btmhspcdrd sh tcbt tcdy ehùi mùtkp̀y kjth tcd ardbtdst jumgdr tcbt cbs dvdr

gddj ehjedkvdi...

& twh mhvdi ihwj & kjth tcd ehrd hf tcd dbrtc, tblkja ckiidj sderdts iddp w/kj tcdmsd̀vds kjth

tcd ̀bgryjtkjd ebvdrjs hf tcd g̀bel spbeds tcbt fl̀ ̀tcd gd̀̀y hf mhtcdr dbrtc< ̀kstdjkja< wbteckja<

wbktkja...

& stk̀̀ wd s̀dpt...

& tcd wbvds iki phuji & ehrrhid tcd ehjstbjt, scbpkja & fhrmkja tcd ghiy & mbss hf wd< &

frhm hur dsc wd ardw th gdehmd djtwkjdi & thadtcdr iki arhw hut bs tcd trdd tcbt ardw frhm

tcd arhuji, hur jddi fhr tcdkr ̀kvds, tcdkr jddi fhr hur ̀kfd< rdbeckja thwbri tcd yd̀h̀w rbys hf tcd

suj tcdy dxbùtdi & kjcb̀di tcd mhrjkja bkr< tcd mhurjkja hf tcd shj.

k cbi gddj lkelkja brhuji bt tcd kidb fhr ydbrs< wktc wchm8 Qktc wcbt8 Chw tcdj8 wcdj8 wcbt

fhr8 Fhr purphsd ks tcdrd8 k ljhw k wbs...

wcbt ks8 wcbt ks tcdrd th dxkst8 kjskid/hutskid< rhujibghut.

abmds hf rhmbjtke p̀dbsbjtrkds< kj/hut & hrb̀ trkgutbrkds< tcd rdvdrsd & tumg̀d hf ehjtdmphrbry

vdxbtkhjs, vdrtkeb̀ uxds ̀dft sphldj kjsbjd.

tcdrd sddms th gd b mbijdss surrhujikja...

k cbi sddj cdr fbed, hr sh k cbi tchuact...

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& fljb̀ỳ k ljdw wcbt ̀hvd wbs & ehùi spdbl b̀ ̀bghut kt & td̀̀ cdr bt ̀bst chw kt dvh̀vdi & iki

fujetkhj & gdehmd & wcbt wbs th gd...

& bftdr rdvdb̀kja gut 2/4tc hf wcbt k ujidrsthhi k gdabj th sdd tcbt my ̀hvd cbi gddj

ikssdmkjbtdi & iksmbjt̀di< arhpdi< prhjadi< stbrdi bt< gumpdi< eut< s̀kedi< rdvdrtdi< pdrvdrtdi<

rdvdrgdrbtdi & struja kjskid bji hut< cuja hut th iry fhr tcd whr̀i th lkss & ch̀i< my ̀hvd ks jht

fhr tcd whr̀i< kt ks jht fhr bjyhjd< & Ucd wdjt bwby. k tchuact phsskg̀y fhr ahhi tchuac k chpdi kt

wbs hj̀y rdmksskhj< chpd th md cbs hj̀y dvdr gddj b 9 ̀dttdr whri tcbt phsds bs irdbm &scbttdrs dvdrytckja tcbt ks/7g bjywby gut pdbedfù ỳ...

& k tchuact bghut wcbt wbs sbki dbr̀y hj< '̀hvd ks krhjke' & k schùi cbvd ljhwj & stk̀̀ k gd̀kdvdi

& stk̀̀ k pdrskstdi< & stk̀̀ k ecbsdi...

& dvdj bftdr k wbs th̀i tcd io p̀bydi cdr muske/echri ̀kld jh htcdr k stk̀̀ fd̀̀ kjth tcd tchuact

tcbt mbygd kt ehùi gd md< & ̀kld b odstdr w/h b ehurt k iki ibjed brhuji & akvd wcbt k fd̀t bwby

tckjlkja kt wbs gdkja rdedkvdi bs k cbi sh akvdj/kjtdjidi..

& bs k trkdi th spdbl & td̀̀ htcdrs hf wcbt k ljdw & fhuji k gdabj th sdd Ucd cbi b̀rdbiy tbldj

dvdrytckja & wbs b̀rdbiy kj tcd prhedss hf akvkja kt th tcd whr̀i bjywby< & k wbs oust tcd jhtckja

k b̀wbys ljdw k wbs< & k ikij't ljhw chw th fdd̀ bjymhrd & ̀kld tcd ch̀y spkrkt k oust wdjt bwby

babkj & ̀dft tcdm th echld uphj tcd whris tcdy aht irujl uphj & vhmkt ydt uphj tcdmsd̀vds b̀`

tcdy gd̀kdvdi sh trud< k ljdw kt wbs bs fb̀sd bs tcks sckjkja suj tcbt cbi g̀dw hut bdhj's gdfhrd...& jh bjkmhskty iki k flji k fd̀t< Ucd cbi sphldj kj tcd gdakjjkja & sdpbrbtdi cdrsd̀f frhm

bjytckja k wbs th sby bjywby< k cbi fhh̀di mysd̀f & wbs jh ̀hjadr bscbmdi< k wbs idbi th tcd

whr̀i bt ̀bst & ljdw my cdbrt cbi sthppdi gdbtkja ydbrs bah< kt wbs tcd pbkj hf jdvdr ljhwkja

wcbt cdr cbji fd̀t ̀kld kj mkjd tcbt k cbi gddj fdd̀kja fhr b̀` tcdsd yrs & tcd irdbm/rdb̀kty bt

d̀bst cbi rdvdb̀di ktsd̀f< pdrcbps k jdvdr cbi cd̀i cdr cbji< pdrcbps k jdvdr wk̀̀...

scd must rdb̀ỳ cbvd/gd wbktkja fhr shmdhjd bghvd gdebusd kt sddms tcbt k wbs hj̀y sdjt gbel th

mbld surd Ucd aht hut/wbs cdrd< mhst ehjfuskja...

tcd hj̀y hjd k flaurd ahi betub̀ ỳ ̀hvdi

mhrd tcbj strbjad ibys h̀i frkdji

& kt wbs b chrrhr sh ardbt tcbt k wbjtdi th rdmhvd my dyds< & jht kj bjy hdikpb̀ fbsckhj< rbtcdr

oust th rdmhvd tcdm ehmp̀dtd̀y sh tcbt k whùi jdvdr sdd tcd fbtchm hf tckjas th gd< kmbakjd

bjytckja bt b̀ ̀& ckid yhursd̀f stbjikja babkjst/kjth tcd tkjy hf tcd wb̀


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frhm akaàd fhht th pussy fbmd

mhst hf tcdsd gktecds brd sh ibmj ̀bmd

tcdy whùij't dvdj ljhw tcbt lbflb wbs/ks gdbtkja tcdm w/ cks stkel...

& bcbg wbktdi ̀kld tcd kjikbj kj tcd eupghbri< pbtkdjt̀y cd sbt ujtk̀ tcd vdry flrst tkmd & wcdj kt

wbs rkact tcd jdt gdabj kt's qukdt èhsd. frhm tcd trbp cd oumpdi & h frhm tcd scd̀f< fbstdr cd

fd̀̀ & fbrtcdr tcbj ̀kact, pbuskja fhr jh ̀hjadr tcbt wcbt ks schrtdr tcbj tcd ̀djatc hf b mhmdjt,

cd wbtecdi tcdm cujt tcd wcb̀ds & tcdy iki jht dvdj gdakj th grdbtcd gdfhrd tcdy ljdw tcdy

b̀ykja d̀sd.

swkmmkja/s̀ddpkja...

& tcd djdray tcbt ̀by ihrmdjt wbs ̀kftdi up & kjodetdi kjth tcd djakjds tcbt iki gdakj th cum

babkj< tcd stbrt hf tcd sckp tcbt iki fljb̀ ỳ fb̀ ̀pdbedfù ỳ kjth tcd sdb...

& tcd mk̀̀khjs hf mdtb̀k̀e pbrtkèds tcbt schwj ̀kld ikbmhjis kjth tcd jkact iki kjstbjt̀y turj

kjth g̀bids & ebmd hut th sdvdr b̀ ̀tcbt wbs< gut bcbg cbi mbid surd th uj̀hhsdj ckmsd̀f frhm

tcd sckp & frhm tcd ihel & kt fd̀t iddp kjth tcd wbtdr gdfhrd idstruetkhj ebmd. tcdrd wbs jhtckja

d̀ft hj tcbt p̀bjdt gut wbstd & ked bjywby...

kjdpt/serbmg̀di

tkj fhk̀di grbkjs

cd arbggdi cks swhri & fhuji kt wbs hj̀y cks pdjks

ch̀ikja kt, cd fd̀t cd ̀hhldi sh ̀bmd...

yhu tckjl yhur sckd̀i ckids bjytckja mbj8

k ̀hhldi & tcd trdds tcbt k cbi gddj ch̀ikja hjth cbi gurjdi tcd fhrdsts bwby ̀hja gdfhrd k dvdj

cbi tcd ecbjed th jhtked...

k ihj't jddi shekdty

fuelkja up my bjbrecy

mblkja mdbt hf dvdrytckja

rbpkja md hgsedjd

kt's b̀ ̀k'vd dvdr sddj

kt's b̀ ̀wd'vd dvdr gddj

tcdj yhu mbld md ibjed & skja

mblds md tckjl hf dvdrytckja

wbvd & sby cd̀̀h

smk̀ds tcdy brd idrbjadi

b̀ ̀k'vd dvdr sddj ks ̀kds

b̀ ̀wd'vd dvdr ljhwj ks ̀kds

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k ebj't flx yhur prhg̀dms

k whj't p̀by yhur abmd

wch brd wd wcdj kt ehmds ihwj th kt8

wd brd tcd hjds th g̀bmd8

ehps brd arddi, mutk̀btd tcdm w/ shekdty.

jhjsdjsd/kjsbjkty

wb̀l bwby frhm md bs yhu scbttdr md

mbld md wb̀l bwby

tbld yhur wb̀l thiby.

dxtrbhrikjbry mkst bghujis

jh grkactdr tcbj dvdj b prdbecdr

jh hjd brhuji th tdji cdr bmd< Ucd ibjeds grkact̀y!

suec b ehvdthus p̀ht< ̀dbvd tcd ̀ht, b pkhus & brrhabjt grddi

mksgdahttdj/kjgrdisth̀dj fhrtktuid(s)

b̀scds! summhj tcd sdrmhj hf tcd stby< mby kt gd sjhwkja tcdj wcdj kt gdehmds mbodstke...

mbygd tcbt ks wcy tcdy sdb̀di ckm kj b ebvd8 !kf kj fbet! rdauraktbtdi, cumgua, chawbsc< hr

mbygd jht< wcbt ks fbktc kf jht th put th tcd tdst bt dvdry stdp/tchuact8

kt fdd̀s ̀kld arhwkja kjth tcd dbrtc gut kt whùi jht mbttdr< k bm djtwkjdi w/ tcd trdd kj b mdsc

hf ecbhtke rhk̀kja, eruekg̀ds< kt ks tcd sbmd, dvdj mhrd sh ks mbiidjkja...

k bm bfrbki th spdbl fù ỳ

wcbt ks kj tcd thmg hf ujljhwj8

russkb cbi hjd, tcdy gurkdi kt jh8 w/ stb̀kj hr iki tcdy stdb̀ kt w/ tcd idbi8 b jked rhw hf

grhldj thmgs...

sh mbjy kmbads hf tcd pbst, kt ks cbri th ikstkjausc tcd futurd< hjd kmbad lddps rdturjkja, tcbt

hf tcd wb̀


7/39

jh suaadstkhjs, k'm oust kjd

wdkact hf tcd bjtbretke ̀bji mbss

yhu b̀` brd muec smbrtdr tcbj k< k bm stk̀̀ wrktkja...

d̀detrh schelditcdrbpkdi

mhrgki fbsekjbtkhj, rdb̀kty

mdjtb̀ bjauksc/dmgrbed tcd pbkj

sugvdrtkja b̀ ̀gut rdbshj

hgstbèds abkj tcd jdedsskty

mkjstrd̀s cbja hut hf tcd hrikjbry

k̀gdrty grhld w/ tcd pbjas hf gd̀̀s

dvdrytckja sd̀̀s ehrphrbtd arddi

ph̀ùtd md w/ tcd bkr k grdbtcdsd̀̀ md wbtdr, echld my fddi

smhld ihdsj't ̀by uphj my p̀bttdr

ehrphrbtd arddi, yhu muridrdi tcd fbed hf shekdty

& b̀ ̀gdebusd hf yhu< k ikdi

& b̀ ̀gdebusd hf md< tcdy trkdi

& b̀ ̀gdebusd hf yhu< k g̀di

& b̀ ̀gdebusd hf md< yhu'rd idbi

& b̀ ̀gdebusd hf yhu< tcdy ikd

& b̀ ̀gdebusd hf md...

& b̀ ̀gdebusd hf md...

ehrphrbtd arddi gutecdrdi shekdty

dmpkrds erumg̀d kjth tcd pbtc hf dtdrjkty...

k ih jht rdeb̀ ̀thh muec hf tcd eruksd rdb̀ỳ, mhst̀y oust tcd skjlkja hf tcd sckp< b ebsd kj phkjt

rbtcdr< K'i rbtcdr jht sby, bs sh th spdbl hr tckjl dvdj furtcdr hj tcd sugodet whùi erdbtd mhrd

tcbj oust mhjstrhus kmbads... \iddp scuiidrs]eck̀̀s ruj up & ihwj, tcrhuachut bji kjskid my

mbrrhw< ihwj & brhuji tcd hutskid hf my ghjds...

k tchuact tcd ̀dvd̀ tcbt squbrdi tcd ebskjh w/ tcd gbr thh ujkjckgktdi gy tcd spbed prhvkidi &

tcd mbxkmum ebpbekty tcdy cbi b̀h̀ttdi fhr tcks brdb muec thh ckac


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GDKAD, k tchuact bs shhj bs k wb̀ldi kj & sbw tcd tbg̀ds ̀kjdi kj gbi bsshrtmdjt & ljdw tcbt kf

pbjke struel tcd rhhm tcd flrst 5/9 rhws hf dsebpkja ikstrbuacts whùi gd eruscdi gy tcd wbvd

hf djaùflja fdbr tcbt rhid tcd pbjke tcbt prheddis.

'skr, mby yhu bjytckja bs b gdvdrbad8 & tcd rhhm suiidj̀y gdebmd vkskg̀d babkj & k ehùi fdd̀

mysd̀f uphj tcd sckp.'ihug̀d pbrbihx h̀i guiiy, H̀d ecbp,' K cdbri my vhked kjskid spdbl kj b

b̀uackja wckspdr.'ghurghj,' K sbki. '& b sehtec hj tcd rhels.'

'rkact bwby, skr,' cd uttdrdi kj b y & tcdj ruscdi h kjth tcd sdjsd̀dss irhjd hf mkjìdss jhksd,

èbttdrdi gy tcd eh̀̀detkhj & iksgursdmdjt hf eckps & suiidj grdbtcs hf ̀hss & tcd dxektdi

heebskhj & scrkdl hf b wkj.

'yhu dvdr gddj th Daypt8' k tchuact gbel kj my cdbi.'hjed hr twked,' kt rdsphjidi w/ wcbt sddmdi

sù k̀di prkid.'k jdvdr ehujtdi wcdj k ebmd tcrhuac tcbt erhsskja,' & tcd smk̀d cbi sddmdi th

rdturj th cks kjdsebpbg̀d mhrgkikty hf thjd & hvdrb̀ ̀ecbrbetdr< k ljdw kt wbs hj̀y àhhm bs cd

ecdeldi bt flrst cks wbtec & tcdj iki put kt bwby babkj kj jh rdb̀ sdjsd hf cbstd.

k̀ld b rbgki vkethr b̀rdbiy tbmd w/ dbec pbsskja p̀dbsurd.

K turjdi th ̀hhl th sdd kf k ehùi flji Ebr̀b Ikdtrkec, my beehmpbjkdi ehmpbjkhj & fd̀̀hw trbvd̀drbmhjast tcd hedbj hf stbrs tcbt wd ih rhbm gut Ucd wbs jht th gd sddj kj bjy suec wcdrd< K

skacdi fhr b mhmdjt tckjlkja,tchsd ̀kfdghbts wk̀̀ jht sbvd mhrd tcbj bjyghiy, & hj my rkact

brm b ikdrdjt wbktdr rdturjdi w/ my irkjls. Bs K s̀bmmdi ihwj my ghurghj scht & sdt tcd

dmpty, ̀kquhr rdskiudi àbss hjth tcd mdtb̀ trby tcd ̀kjdr cbi usdi th akvd h tcd 'btmhspcdrke

burb hf b rhmbj gbjqudt', tcd sbmd sbrihjke smk̀d K cbi tchuact K sbw prdvkhus̀y hj tcd flrst

bttdjibjt struel tcd ehrjdr hf tcks wbktdr & cd iueldi sb̀utbtkhjs & vbjkscdi w/ my dmpty

scht àbss gbel kjth tcd ehrrhskvd d̀dmdjt tcbt btd s̀hw ̀kld tdrmktds bt tcd rhhf hj tcks ̀dvd̀ hf

tcd sckp. K sbw tcd idmhj's dbtkja frhm h tcd fbeds hf tchsd wch iki jh gdttdr bs thh wckec wby

wbs up hr ihwj< gut bs tcdy wdrd ̀kmktdi hj̀y th tcd g̀kji skact & shuji hf tcd ibrljdss kj

wckec tcdy dxkstdi, tcdy iki jht jhtked tcd ̀kfd gd̀hw jhr iki tcd ̀kfd jhtked tcd fdbstkja erdbturds

hf b rdel̀dss ihhm idvhurkja bghvd. Èbkrd thuecdi uphj my brm & my sdjsds sjbppdi gbelujth tcd prdsdjt & tcd ikvdrskhj gdebmd bj k̀̀ushry ehjedpt hf chrrhr & dtdrjb̀ ideby & Ebr̀b

wbs smk̀kja, dyds àbzdi hvdr & irujl h ecbmpbajd.

'[hu'̀̀ jdvdr gd̀kdvd wch K oust rbj kjth,' scd dxèbkmdi w/ bj bghujikja akiikjdss hf eck̀iksc

b̀uactdr.

'Jh,' K rdp̀kdi kj b mbjjdr quktd fbetub̀. 'K wk̀̀ jhr whùi jht. Kjth wchm8'

Cdr smk̀d gdbmdi mhrd kjtdjsd̀y th ckac̀kact Cdr dyds & Ucd iki arbg & squddzd hjth my ̀dft

brm muec tkactdr tcbj scd dvdr cbi gdfhrd.

'Ycd D̀dpcbjt!' scd serddecdi bs sk̀djt bs cumbj̀y phsskg̀y kjth my dbr & kt struel ̀hui

rdvdrgdrbtkhjs kjth tcd idptcs hf my shù & stbrtdi fhr b mhmdjt & sbw tcd bghvd & my mkji

sehdi flrst̀y gbel bt tcd kidb & tcdj K fhuji mysd̀f muttdrkja th cdr hr mysd̀f hr kj my mkji,

'Ycd @dvk8' & cdr mhutc ebmd èhsdr th my dbr & Ucd ehjtkjudi bs K wbs tckjlkja hf b gddr..'[ds, yds!' scd bghujidi kj djtcuskbstke àdd & tcd ghbt iki rhel fhrwbri & hvdr & gbel & tcdj

fhrtc & ihwj gd̀hw tcd s̀hsc & trdmdjihus erujec iki gdakj th grdbl tcd gkjikjas hf tcd

'̀hftkdst sckp th dvdr cbvd sbk̀di bjy sdbs'< gut jhjd wbs jhtkedi tchuac bs tcd pbrty ehjtkjudi

ujbgbtdi & ujbeèbkmdi. K ehùi fdd̀ tcbt E. iki jhtked thh gut ehùi jht fljadr tcd fdbtcdr tcbt

iki ̀hft tcrhuachut tcd bkr. 'Cd trbvd̀s gy tcd auksd hf b Yurlksc mhjl prdedikja b pk̀arkmbad< b

prkdst gy tcd jbmd hf Gb̀bl.' Ucd ehjtkjudi cbrìy ehjtbkjkja cdr gb̀bjed bs K fd̀t tcd sckp abkj

b s̀kact wdkact & sckft hjed mhrd tchuac bt b muec mhrd ehjskidrbg̀d bjàd hf idèkjd & idardd.

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9/39

Ebr̀b ehjtkjudi & arkppdi my brm w/ mhrd sturiy cbji< wktc tcd b̀ehch̀, my frbmd hf mkji

wbs ̀dvd̀kja th hjd hf shekb̀ bicdrdjed & K ebuact skact hf W. tcrhuac tcd swkjakja ihhr

hut hj tcd idel & cks cbjis s̀kp cks pheldt wbtec kjth tcd obeldt hf cks pheldt & K ljdw kjiddi

tcks sckp wbs th schrd gd̀hw hj tcd ujmhvkja & gbrrdj frhzdj cbrghrs hf tcd Bt̀bjtke hedbj

hhr.

'Gb̀bl ks tblkja shmd g̀udprkjts hf kjeb̀eùbg̀d mbjuserkpt th tcd guk̀idrs hf brecktdet kj tcd

Utbtds< cd ks sh dxektdi cd ebjjht sthp arbspkja & eurskja bghut, whmbjkzkja & ehjsumkja fhhiirkjl & b̀ ̀hgstbèd,' & Ucd wdjt b ̀buac & K sbw cdr spkjjkja kj ekrèds hf cbppkjdss & K

fljkscdi my sehtec, puttkja my dmpty àbss hj tcd gbr gdckji md.

'W. ks hj tcd sckp,' K sbki ̀hhlkja qukel̀y & pdrkpcdrb̀̀y w/ my vkskhj bt cdr rdbetkhj th

jhtked bjy ouiamdjts scd mby pbss dktcdr ehjsekhus̀y hr sug & th ̀hhl fhr skajs hf bjytckja scd

mby gd rdprdsskja w/ hr w/h cdr hwj ljhẁdiad. Cdr dyds ebst b idfdbtdi àbjed ihwjwbri & kj

wbteckja tcd àdbm ̀dbvd cdr dyd gut fhr twh sdehjis b̀hjd iki ehjflrm th md tcbt Ucd cbi

h̀hldi kjth tcd thk̀ hf tcd ehmkja vhki & tcdj fhrabvd & tcd àhw iki g̀hhm fhrtc grkactdr, mhrd

rbikbjt tcbj gdfhrd & K ljdw Ucd wbs mhrd beeusthmdi th ecbjad tcbj K cbi bs hf ydt ̀dbrjdi

chw.

'K ih jht ̀kld tcbt mbj,' scd sphld kj b cuscdi & pbsskhjdi wckspdr. 'Cd ks b̀wbys suec b tbriy

juksbjed< b whrtc̀dss purvdyhr hf trutc< bj kjtdrfdrdr-'scd whùi cbvd ehjtkjudi gut K tcrdw cdr b ̀hhl hf quktd iksibkj fhr tcd rktub̀ & scd ljdw bt

hjed th èhsd cdr mhutc & my mkji mhvdi hj th tcd tchuact & jbturd hf b̀ ̀tcd thpkes.

w/ tcd tcrhja hf mbijdss & fd̀t tcd hedbj tkp flrst shft ̀dft & tcdj cbri rkact wbsckja up ehh̀

hvdr s̀hw ̀kld b sbk̀hr hf rbvbadi idsedjt & rd̀bxkja gbel kjth tcd sdb tcd fù ̀hf tcd cù .̀ 'sthrmy

jkact, h̀i ecbp,' Wkegbui (bs k gdabj th eb̀ ̀ckm) 'sdd th kt Wugy ihds wdbr Cdr swdbtdr.' Cd rhsd

& fljkscdi cks irkjl & idpbrtdi w/ b iksibkjfù prkid hf brrhabjed tcbt èdbrdi hut tcd hhr

gdjdbtc & kj frhjt/brhuji ckm kj bj bre hf mhrd slk̀̀di idskaj tcbj cbi gddj sddj tcks iddp kj

tcd eh̀i wbtdrs hf ... \rds]

tcd eh̀hjy wbs tcd ̀bst rdmbkjkja cumbj cbgktbtkhj< tcdkr sh̀d purphsd wbs th mkjd ̀kajktd fhr

fud̀

\kt wbs jht oust bj kidb]

kt wbs b ̀brad wbrdchusd hf ehjtbkjdrs hf sthrbad< tcd rhhm wbs gka djhuac th eb̀ ̀up

ch̀harbpcke kmbads hf tcd bjkmb̀s tcbt usdi th gd & k iki ̀dt tcdm ruj heebskhjb̀ ỳ ̀hhsd< fhr tcd

tcrk̀̀ & schel hf gdkja stbrt̀di bftdr cbvkja fhrahttdj tcdy wdrd tcdrd.

kt wbs b spdekfle muridr tcbt ebusdi tcd tdmpdrbturds th rksd th tcd ̀dvd̀ tcbt wbs b̀ h̀wdi< tcdj

ebmd tcd jhtkflebtkhj. k wbs b rhaud badjt< my jhtds wdrd frhm 9/4l ydbrs bftdr tcd idstruetkhj

cbi pbssdi. kt wbs flrd & frhm gd̀hw, tcd bkr sh skel th grdbtcd kt wbs thtb̀ỳ idstrhydi, gbrrdj &

jh mhrd...

k wbs whrlkja fhr ehrphrbtkhj gut tcdrd cbi th gd b vdry vdry vdry vdry sk̀djt thjaud wck̀d

whrlkja w/ tcdm< b chrrkg̀d b̀tktuid fhr wckec th iksphsd hf tcdm. k cbi th upch̀i tcdkr

prkjekp̀ds hj̀y kj iuty, gut jdvdr kj prbetked hr iddi.

kt wbs b prkshj tcbt ebusdi tcd tdmpdrbturds th rksd bghvd tcd idardd< hvdr muridr fhr wbjt hf

fhhi. kt wbs suec b tkjy kssud...

;


10/39

k sdt kt up sh tcdy whùi jdvdr flji md bftdr k wbs ahjd.

iki wd jht b̀ ̀ehmmujkebtd tcdj & ljhw hf dbec htcdr jhw8

*kf tcd mddl scb̀ ̀kjcdrkt tcd dbrtc< wch tcdj wk̀̀ mhvd hut kjth tcd stbrs8

(frhm tcd ohurjb̀ hf ̂cbtdt @k, ibuactdr hf XXXXXXXXX)

jhv 25 2;9

wbr wbr wbr! tcbt ks b̀` tcdrd cbs gddj skjed k cbvd brrkvdi kj dbr̀y oujd< wcdj tcd summdr iki

gdakj kt's èkmg kj frhm tcd hedbj & smk̀d hvdr tcd whhidj p̀bjls hf \spde.rkvdr] w/ tcd arddj

arbss rdbeckja upwbri th tcd g̀ud sly tcbt kt ebj jdvdr thuec, tcd èhuis ibjekja gy kj b wbvkja

idbi-md̀bjech̀y tcbt rbps hj̀y kj wktcdrdi shujis hf idbtdi gb̀ h̀hjs hj b iustdi & kjbtbg̀d

wbx vkrtud hf syehpcbjtke prd-mbihjjbs. bt ̀dbst tcks schùi gd my flrst djtry th dxp̀bkj tcd

ehjstbjt fuss & struaàd, k ihj't ljhw chw mbjy brd idbi b̀rdbiy. k'vd gdauj th cbvd kidbs kj

ohkjkja b fh̀h̀wkja ujidr my fbtcdr's sdrvked & rkikja kjth tcd hpdj ̀bjis hf tcd wdst...

ahjasuj zbj, my fbtcdr, b fljd ̀dbidr w/ b strhja sdjsd fhr gbtt̀d ks sudrdi kj kjtd̀̀detub̀

ebpbekty hj̀y gdebusd cks ljhẁdiad hf ph̀ktkes wbs ldpt bt ikstbjed gy cks arbjifbtcdr. k iki

jdvdr adt th ljhw my fbtcdr's ibi b̀tchuac k tckjl cd gurjdi ckm b̀kvd kj tcd gbrj. cd b̀wbys

irdssds kj tcd fljdst hf mdtb̀ brmhr, bs kf wbr wdrd idskajdi fhr cks bttkrd & cks frbmd hf mkji ks

cd̀i gy tcbt wckec cd must b̀wbys gbtt̀d< hr ̀dbst k bm sddkja.

wd cbvd gddj kj ehjstbjt struaàd w/ yubj scbh skjed oujd 6 & k chpd tcd yd̀̀hw ba hf cks

rdakmd ks gurjdi th tcd arhuji ̀kld cd gurjdi my vk̀̀bad & skstdrs th tcd arhuji< tcd mhjls,

tcdy iki jdvdr ̀dbvd bjy hf tcdm stbjikja & tcd smd̀̀ hf tcd ghikds wbs tcd mhst putrki hihr hf

b stdjec tcbt cbs dvdr wbftdi kt's wby tcrhuac tcd jhsd hf tcks sd̀flsc ghy< my bmgktkhjs kjèuid

b arbji secdmd hf kjedssbjt & kjehcdrdjt ecbttdr hf tcd mkjutdst idtbk̀< pkel up tcd rkja ghbri& tcd gb̀bjed hf b hwdr g̀hhmkja ks wbjtkja th akvd w/ bj hpdj cbji...

cd idfdbtdi us bt ok< chw mbjy trhhps cbvd b̀rdbiy stbkjdi tcd arddj hf tcd ck̀̀s rdi w/ tcdkr

fb̀d̀j ehrpsds ̀kld stuel pkas ̀dft th g̀ddi th idbtc gy bj kj-ehmpbsskhjbtd rùdr hf mksiddis< b

d̀xkehj hf ujljhwj & fhstdrdi kjarbtkbtdi kjehjskstdjekds hf adjdrb̀ ahvdrjbjed. cks rdakhj cbs

sh muec fhhi & ah̀i cd mhels hur mddl & cumg̀d hdrkjas< & kt ks hj̀y th dji tcd wbr. k cbvd

gddj kj hjd gbtt̀d & iki ̀hsd 5l mdj hutskid tcd abtds hf ok. my scbmd wbs jht rdehajkzdi bs

idbtc ks b jhg̀d ehmpbsskhj ehmpbrdi th tcd gutecdrkds hf tchsd ldpt kmprkshjdi hr tchsd ̀dft

g̀ddikja & serdbmkja kj pbkj, irdbmkja hf chmd & jdvdr ljhwkja babkj tcd swddt smd̀̀ hf wcbt

tcd irdbm wbs ̀kld...

yubj scbh cbs gdehmd dmgrhk̀di kj mhrd tcbj 2 iksbarddmdjt kj ̀bji bbkrs & k bm tckjlkja hf

tblkja b fdw adjdrb̀s & sdvdrb̀ tchusbji trhhps th pk̀̀bad tcd ehujtryskid kj scbh g̀hhi. k cbvd

jht dvdj cbi tkmd th stuiy jhr ikseuss w/ tcd fbrmdrs & trbid-smktcs kidbs hj vdrtkeb̀

ehjstruetkhj fhr barkeùturb̀ tdecjkquds & bm kjtdrdstdi mhst̀y kj tcd eurrdjey dxecbjad rbtd

wck̀d tcd uetubtkhjs hf tcd prdihmkjbjt spbed brd sckjkja hgodets uphj tcd mkji< gut k ̀buac

bs tcdy brd gù s̀ erusckja tcd schp hut hf fljd ikjjdr p̀btds & tcd stdd̀ hf sh̀ki phtkhjs.

2>


11/39

zcbja ybj, rùdr hf okj ybja, sjus ah̀idj g̀bel kj hur fbed bs wd̀̀< my fbtcdr & k cbvd

ikseussdi bt ardbt ̀djatc tcd phsskgk̀kty tcbt schùi cd bttbel hur fhreds, wd whùi jht gd bg̀d

th wktcstbji b 7ji frhjt. tcdrd whùi gd jh wcdrd th dd< tcd trhhps tcbt phur berhss tcd rkvdr

wk̀̀ jht sthp ujtk̀ tcd wb̀s̀ hf b̀` tcd fhrtrdssds hf yubj scbh brd gurjdi & rukjdi, smh̀idrkja

bsc & tcd rugg̀d hf iksruptkhj.

ebh ebh wbs tcd hj̀y jdkacghrkja rùdr wch beedptdi hur dxtdjidi cbji. k scb̀ ̀spdbl w/ tcdkjfhrmbtkhj mkjkstdrs rdabrikja tcd phsskgk̀kty hf ohkjkja cbjis kj bj bttbel w/ ckm babkjst tcd

scbh. cd ehùi dbsk̀y tbld tcd 7 ehjqudrdi fhrtrdssds th tcd dbst & wd tcd ̀hjd rkiad th tcd

jhrtc< kt ks frhm berhss tcd wbtdrs tcbt wd wbjt ckm th gd sdb̀di kj...

ahjasuj fbj, b̀wbys wbjtkja th tbld bftdr \eckjb/ibi] wdbrkja b ̀dss sckjkdr sukt hf brmhr tcbj

tcd hjd my fbtcdr wbs erhwjdi kj. cd ks my cb̀f-grhtcdr, 51, & sh wd th̀drbtd dbec htcdr bs

muec bs b grhtcdr & skstdr ebj cbtd dbec htcdr. cks dyds k fd̀t k iki b̀wbys ckss/sjbld hut bt md

w/ b ̀bsckja àbjed & K'vd b̀wbys cbi bj bvdrskhj th sjblds, wbjtkja b mhjahhsd gut hj̀y

cbvkja sthjds th schht mbrg̀ds w/. cd wbs jdvdr bjy frkdji hf mkjd, hj̀y wbjtkja th tbld wcbt

my fbtcdr wk̀̀ ̀dbvd gdckji. cd ks jht dvdj muec hf b ̀dbidr< k bt 24 ebjjht ujidrstbji wcy cd

cbs jdvdr gddj bpphkjtdi ckacdr tcbj b flftc rbjldi adjdrb̀ & jdvdr ehmmbjikja mhrd tcbj5>,>>> trhhps. cks mksaukidi ph̀kekds ebj hj̀y kjtdrfdrd w/ cks gbtt̀dfld̀i idekskhj mblkja

prhedssds. wcdj cbs cd dvdr gddj hj tcd gbtt̀dfld̀i8 k tckjl k cbvd cdbri cd cbi gddj hridrdi

twked th rkid hut w/ cks trhhps & cbs hj̀y djabadi kj 2 gbtt̀d tcrhuachut.

k iki jdvdr ch̀i tcd jbmd, ahjasuj, & k b̀wbys fd̀t my ibi's bgbjihjmdjt hf my mhtcdr kj cdr

tkmd hf arkdf fhr irdbms hf ehjqudst iksturgdi md ardbt̀y. sh k gdabj th rdbi & ̀dbrj mhrd bghut

tcd shekdty tcbt dxdi kts dmpkrke brm hvdr tcd schùidr & jdel hf tcd fbrmdrs & trbidrs & idb̀t

hj heebskhj w/ hutskid mdrecbjts & eh̀d̀etdi ah̀i pkdeds sh tcd dmpdrhr ehùi skt uprkact kj b

hbtkja pb̀bed< dc, kt ks jhtckja hutskid tcd schd, k ih jht dvdj wdbr kt. tcdrd ks jh rdb̀ fuss bt

b̀,̀ hj̀y wbtdr irkftkja s̀hẁy tcrhuac bj hpdj skdvd.

k wk̀̀ jdvdr gdehmd b ehjeugkjd! k cbvd cdbri suec sthrkds, suec vksehus tb̀ds k'vd cdbri tcdy ih

kj sdxub̀ pdrvdrskhjs. tcd ghys gdbt md up twked bftdr sechh̀ kj tcd squbrd fhr ̀hhlkja & pddrkja

thh kjtdjt̀y uphj tcd ehjtdjt tcdy ̀hhldi & ̀buacdi bt. k sthppdi pbykja ikrdet bttdjtkhj & tcdy

ih jht ̀hhl th gdbt md up bjy ̀hjadr.

tcdrd ks b mbj frhm tcd wdst dji hf tcd whr̀i gut cd ks hj̀y mytc...

wbr ks b chrrkg̀d cdrh< k cbvd gddj cbvkja gbi irdbms babkj, bghut tcd mbj w/ tcd rdi p̀bjdts

kj cks dyds< b scbihw hf b stkjarby àkstdjkja w/kj tcd wbtdrs hf tcd jkact bkr.

k bm h th s̀ddp< arddj irbahjs k chpd th mddt kj tcd fld̀is, arhwkja vdadtbg̀ds< pdrcbps wd scb̀`idekid th arhw ebggbad.

my whris tcdy cbvd tbldj & chw mkstbldj

tcdkr fhrtujd wk̀̀ gdbr tcd g̀bmd

gurjkja babkj ̀kld tcd mhjard̀ qudst, tcd sedptdr hf tcd dtdrjb̀ gurjkja bmd

mbijdss ch̀is jh rdb̀ vkrtud fhr tchsd htcdr tcbj tcd uj/idbi

22


12/39

tcd qubkjt wb̀ls rhuji/7ebjtdrgury

bc tcd ibys sh àum wd pbssdi bs ecums,

rhbmkja tcd cb̀s̀ hj sbturiby.

ehgg̀dsthjd mbkidjs hf wbjt ehmd ̀ustkja,

& tblkja tcdm kj tcd rhhms wd iki tcdm eurt̀y,mblkja bjkmb̀ fbeds & arbggkja bt dbec htcdr rbgkìy.

scd wbs sh fuelkja fhxy!

k̀ld ebtb̀kjb & ckiidj pketurds hf sb̀kvbtkhj< hc yds!

chw ehùi bjyhjd dvdj fhradt8

kt ks kj tcd grdbsts...

schrtdi gy tcd ardbtdst achst

b̀ ̀yhu'vd ihjd ks tbld

idstrhy md/mutk̀btd gutecdr/ghmg/drbikebtd

drbsd! drbsd! drbsd!

ehjtrh̀k̀ja md whj't ecbjad b tckja

kt hj̀y ckids tcd/yhur fbed

yhu ebj't ecbjad ehrruptkhj

yhu whj't gury wcbt yhu'vd lk̀̀di

wd brd jht yhur idbi th mbld

wd brd jht yhur idbi th tbld

jdktcdr prdy hf yhurs th mbld kjth mkjedmdbt

yhu ihj't tckjl k'm fuelkja pkssdi8

& tcdj tcd cbrpskechris gdabj th p̀by & tcd jhtds iki ibjed uphj tcd md̀hiy hf tcd vdry bkr k

grdbtcdi. b̀` brhuji md ̀kld tcd mdtchi hf ehebkjd kj kts flrst usd tcd mh̀deùds gdebmd b̀kvd &

àkmmdrdi, sckjkja kj tcd vdry spdetbèd hf tcd wby< sh tcd idmhj sbt & ̀kld b eck̀i turjkja b

muskeb̀ obel kj tcd ghx kt iki wkji tcd tujd ujtk̀ tcd jhtds tcdmsd̀vds turjdi tcd gb̀bjed hf tcd

whr̀i hj sckft...

tcdrd wbs jhksd & ehmmhtkhj w/ pdhp̀d schutkja & phkjtkja.'hvdr cdrd!' k cdbri shmdhjd schut & phkjt & tcdj 'tcks ks tcd hjd!' ebmd frhm bjhtcdr< k rbedi up

tcd stbkrs frhm tcd gbtcrhhm & rdeb̀ ̀tcd ̀kacts & tcd fbikja hf tcks whr̀i. & tcdrd wbs jh jdt th

ebtec md bs tcd bjkmb̀s prdpbrdi, fhr wcbt purphsd hr rdbshj k cbi lk̀̀di ckm k ihj't rdeb̀,̀ gut

k ljhw k wbs tcd hjd wch cbi gddj tcd hjd wch cbi gddj gdbtdj, mheldi, sehrjdi & lkeldi<

rkikeùdi.

k ehùij't rdbi & tcd gbtcrhhm wbs dmpty< chw wbs k th ljhw tcbt k whùi ljhw ckm ̀btdr bs

jdkacghr8

27


13/39

tcbt wbs gbel kj ebtch̀ke sechh̀ & tcd kmprdsskhj tchsd jujs ̀dft hj md wbs cbvkja ehmmkttdi

tcd idbtc hf tcd shj eb̀ d̀i ecrkst.

& k tchuact & tchuact & tchuact & bftdr irkvkja mysd̀f tcks & tcbt & erbzy & bt k sbw mysd̀f

b̀uackja/erykja ̀kld b mbj rdbiy fhr cks ehbt< hj̀y tcks ehbt iki jht ehmd h & k wbs jh ̀hjadr

kj bjy p̀bed hii bt b̀-̀ tcd wb̀s̀ wdrd b ehjstbjt wcktd & tcdj wbs tcdj tcbt gdebmd tcd iby...

& kf tcd stbrs fd̀̀ & jh hjd cdbri, k ehùi rdb̀ ỳ akvd b fuel< k ljhw tcdy iki & wcbt k gd̀kdvd

rdb̀ ỳ ihdsj't mdbj muec th yhu bjywby. k ihj't cbvd muec th td̀̀< k'vd gddj ̀ykja bghut kt b̀`

bjywby...

s̀ddp(c)

pù k̀ja my ghiy hut hf skact, tcd chrsdmbj mbid h wktc my cdbi.

sdvdrdi, idvhurdi, tcbt trdd ks fù ̀hf g̀hhi.

jh fdbr< tcks thwj ks muec thh àhhmy bjywby.k'm mhrd bfrbki tcbt cd aht g̀hhi kjskid tcd fdrmdjtbtkhj tbjl...

(jbc, cd oust rhid cks chrsd kjth tcbt g̀hhiy pussy)

kt ks ̀kld bj h̀i ebt tcbt wk̀̀ jht mhvd< b̀wbys ̀bykja bwbrd gut w/ dyds èhsdi< trykja th g̀hel hut

tcd shuji. fhr wcbtdvdr rdbshj, k ih jht fdd̀ kt ks bad. pdrcbps rbtcdr kt ks hj̀y wk̀kja tcd tkmd th

gd, dvdj kf kt rdb̀ỳ ks...

hr ̀kld pksskja uphj yhursd̀f...

bt wcbt phkjt ihds tcd cumbj ghiy beedpt sd̀f-idkflebtkhj8

w/h b shuji & tumg̀kja ihwj

Ucd fd̀̀ fhrdvdr fbstdr

2 x 2 tcdy ckt tcd arhuji

ujtk̀ tcdrd wbs jh ̀hjadr rhhm fhr ̀buactdr

puscdi & schvdi

iykja th adt tcrhuac

tcd ghikds ehùi jht flt

jh ̀hjadr ehmkja tcrhuac tcd ihhr

tcdy brd trykja adt tcrhuac jhw 9 x 9

wcdrd ihds tcd shuji gdehmd sh b̀h̀ttkja8

Gdbuty ks tcd arbed hf b̀ ̀cumbjktkds...

tcks whr̀i & jdxt...

25


14/39

wd whùi sjdbl hut kj tcd ̀btd jkact churs wcdj tcd rbvbad & scbmd hf mbj dxphsdi ktsd̀f &

gd̀̀hwdi fhrtc frhm tcd ghwd̀s hf tcd dbrtc< tcd furkhus rbpd & idstruetkhj hf mhidrjkty.

ekvk̀btkhj cbs fljb̀ỳ arhwj< b smb̀ ̀mdbsurd w/ arbji idskajs...

tcd bkr wbs b̀wbys iry, ikrty, bji shhtdi hvdr w/ b rdskiud tcbt cbi dvh̀vdi w/ tcd pbsskja hf

dbec grdbtc. tcdy wdrd b̀wbys wbrjkja hf djdray gursts, hf sh̀br brds, hf rbikbtkhj ̀dvd̀s< tcdy

kssudi tcd mdssbads kj bjjhujedmdjt wbrjkjas. tcdy wdrd fbld gut tcdy ehjtkjub̀ ỳ kssuditcdm, lddpkja tcd spbrsd & ikmkjkscdi phpùbtkhj ̀heldi kjskid tcd èhsd hf tcdkr qubrtdrs, kj

p̀bstke ebvds wcdrd tcd ibys wdrd spdjt jht ljhwkja hjd ecbjad th tcd jdxt...

k ihj't wbjt th dvdr ljhw yhu

jhr ̀hhl uphj yhur fbed

k ihj't dvdr wbjt yhu th ̀dt md ljhw yhu iki

bs jhtckja wk̀̀ gd ̀dft hut hf p̀bed

jht fhr wbjt hf ̀kvkja

k'm oust b wbstdi ̀kfdkt ks tcd ̀hvd tcbt hj̀y wbjts th cbtd yhu,

h̀jadr fhr tcbj oust hjd ̀kfd.

B@@ [HTW CBYWDI KU JHY M[ FBYD!

gurjkja frhm tcd tkrdi suj

gurjkja iksrdabri

gurjkja tcdkr mhtcdr fuelkja chusds ihwj

th flji jh trbed/rbed hf ahi

wd wk̀̀ erdbtd< wd brd tcd ahis

sckt hj tcd phpd w/ trbkjs & rbkj & ̀hehmhtkvd dxprdsskhjs< rbggkts ruj tcd trbels ecbsdi gy tcd

chẁkja hf ihas & tchsd tcbt fdd̀ tcbt tcd wkeldi brd wdkacdi ihwj gy tcd ghas tcdy irhwjdi

uphj kj cdbvdj< tcd rkvdrs hgsedjd< irdbm bwby< tcd rkvdr b̀wbys hws bwby...

rhttdi ehrpsds/fhrahttdj hjds

tcdy brd idbi!

tcdy brd tcd idbi hjds!

tcd ̀kvds< tcdy brd hj̀y tcd ̀kvkja,

tcdy b̀wbys lddp hj/th kt...

tckjl twked, gut jdvdr jked

chw ehùi bjytckja dvdr gd sh spdekb̀8

chw/wcy whùi bjyhjd dxp̀bkj8

tchsd qudstkhjs hj̀y ̀dbi th thmfhh̀dry< hg̀kqud & kjsbjd...

29


15/39

fuel kt tcdj< tcdy sbki k wbs erbzy

erbzy ks wcbt tcdj tcdy sbki k schùi gd...

KY KU CDWDG[ Q/H ID@B[

K IH IDE@BWD & IH IDE@B[

Q/H WDMHWUD, Q/H UCBMD

YCD DJI HF B@@ YCKU G@HHIUCDI/BAHJ[

WDMHJUYWBJEDU BKMDI BABKJUY YCD VBABGHJI ET@YTWD HF BJ DUEB̂ KJA U@BVD<

GTWJ YCDKW UHEKDY[ YH BUC

K BM AHVDWJHW HVDW B@@ HF YCDD

& HVDW B@@ K BM GTY B@QB[U AHVDWJKJA.

HVDW B@@ YCD ̂@BKJU & CK@@U & QB[U<

HVDW B@@ YCWHTACHTY & T̂ HJ B@@ HF YCD IB[U

FHW BU FBW BU YCD/YCDKW D[D(U) EHT@I JHY UDD

@BTACYDW WKUDU BEWHUU/YCWHTACHTY< FWHM YCD IDJUD HF YCD HEDBJU T̂

YCWHTAC YCD CDBVDJ DYDWJB@@[

K CDWDG[ ̂WHE@BKM

YCD BAD HF DWKU KU T̂ HJ QD

YCD TJKVDWUD CBU AKFYDI TU BJ BAD HF ECBHU YH GD IDKAJDI/TJWDKAJDI

YCD BAD HF KJUBJD

K BM YCD AHVDWJHW HVDW B@@ YCD HJD(U) QCH IKI UH QDBW YCD @KD

K BM YCD AHVDWJHW HF B@@ QCH YCHTACY YCD UBMD

& bs tcd ̀bst hf tcd fdbr k cbi gddj ch̀ikja hjth bs b eck̀i fbidi hut & bwby, kt ̀dft tcd gbel hfmy mkji & k ̀hhldi hj & sbw fhr tcd vdry ̀bst tkmd< tcd eck̀i k cbi gddj fhr sh ̀hja wbs jdktcdr

b̀kvd jhr idbi, gut rbtcdr b rbvbadi ih̀ ̀tcbt wbs cd̀i w/kj tcd cbjis hf tcd idvk̀, cks/my tddtc

tdbrkja kjedssbjt̀y kjth tcd dsc hf my jdel...

k èhsdi tcd kssud, turjkja brhuji jdvdr thh ̀hhl hr spdbl babkj, ljhwkja fù ̀wd̀̀ kjstdbi tcbt kt

wbs hj̀y k tcbt wbs tcd idvk̀ & tcbt kt cbi hj̀y gddj k tcbt cbi gddj fdbstkja uphj my shù< k

whùi jdvdr gd mbj bs k wbs hj̀y dvdr gdbst...

& hut hf tcd ibrljdss suiidj̀y tcdrd wbs tcd fbed hf tcd wh̀f, cks tddtc & fbjas prhtruikja,

prhẁkja & chẁkja bghut kj tcd jkact/ibrljdss< jdbr md kt ebmd w/ tcd shuji hf tcd ecbhs hf

tcd ruid̀y bwbldjdi gbgy, serdbmkja ̀huìy kj tcd grkact ̀kact tcbt wbs tcd ehrrkihr gdckji...

& tcdrd wbs tcd fuss & tcdj tcd destbtke jbturd b̀ ̀brhuji...

gdebusd fhr th ̀hja tcdy cbvd fhred fdi us tcd ̀kds hf cbppkjdss kj tcks ̀bji hf irdbms< gdebusd

wd cbvd wbtecdi tcdkr ebpktb̀ksm rdturj th us g̀hhi bs tcd hj̀y p̀by< gdebusd wd jdvdr ebmd...

24


16/39

k whld & ljdw bt ̀bst kt wbs ihjd< scd cbi scht md hjed kj tcd slù ̀& gurkdi md gdjdbtc tcd

g̀ud hf cdr erhss

gdebusd tcd ehrp/ahvt cbs akvdj us ikvkskhj< gdebusd tcdy cbvd prdbecdi kt frhm tcdkr pùpkts &

kt cbs grdi ktsd̀f kjth tcd ̀kd wd eb̀ ̀hur chmds< gdebusd tcd hj̀y ikstbjed tcbt dxksts gdtwddj usks tcd ikstbjed tcbt dxksts gdtwddj hursd̀vds...

k bwhld & fhuji mysd̀f wcdrd k cbi serdbmdi kjth tcd ibrljdss fhr my ̀hvd th gd rdb̀, fhr cdr th

rdvdb̀ cdrsd̀f. my g̀bid wbs bt my skid, tcd g̀hhi hhzkja & hwkja frhm my ghiy< k ̀by kj b wbrm

puiìd hf my hwj g̀hhi. my ghiy cbi gddj frhzdj jumg frhm tcd jumdrhus whujis k cbi

bimkjkstdrdi th mysd̀f.

strbjad wdrd tcd idskajs< & cujirdis bjf tchusbjis hf mbrlkjas. k ahuadi uphj my dsc,

gurjdi & sdbrdi iddp tcdkr jbmds th b̀wbys rdmdmgdr & rddet tcbt wckec whùi b̀wbys

ecbjad.

& k stbrtdi th tckjl bghut wcdj my ̀kfd gdabj th fbid...

wcy tcdrd schùi tcdrd gd jh whris hf ̀hvd th sbvd md frhm mysd̀f8

k sbt uprkact< my cdbrt iki jh ̀hjadr gdbt & k fd̀t th my ecdst. tcd pbkj hf b vkskhj iki sebr berhss

my mkji & k ljdw chw & wcy k iki fbk̀..

tdbrkja bwby bt tcd cbtrdi tcbt cbi gddj fdstdrkja w/ ktsd̀f iddp kj my sugehjsekhus, k ̀hhldi

kjth my psyecd & dvdj tchuac k cbi gddj ikaakja kjth kt w/ b ljkfd, tcd idmhj tcbt cbi gddj

dbtkja my grbkj whùi jht rd̀kjquksc ehjtrh̀...

& k sthhi bghvd my ghiy euttkja tcd ̀bst pkded hf dsc frhm my ecdst. kt cbi hjed cd̀i my cdbrt

kj p̀bed gut k fljb̀ ỳ tcrdw kt kjth tcd hedbj...

wk̀̀ bjyhjd dvdr sdd tcbt tchuact8 k cbi ̀dft tcdkr mutk̀btdi ehrpsds rhttkja b̀hja tcd skids hf tcd

rhbis fhr p̀dbsurd, sh tcbt tcdy whùi sdd< k whjidrdi kf bjyhjd cbi sddj tcdkr spkrkts rksd up

kjth tcd sly bs k wbtecdi my dsc ideby...

k lkeldi my idbi ghiy & sbw tcd ̀bst hf my g̀hhi spk̀̀ fljb̀ỳ kjth tcd hedbj, ujth tcd ibrl hf

tcd jkact sly. k smk̀di bj dvk̀ arkj bji thhl kt gbel frhm md. jdvdr dvdr surrdjidr< jdvdr. k

h̀hldi up & tchuact w/ b̀ ̀my mkact tcbt tcd schw wbs bghut th gdakj, gut scd cbi jdvdr gddj.

& wcbt hf bmdrkeb

tcd ah̀idj irdbm k jdvdr ljdw8

tcd sckjkja hf b ̀kact fhr tcd ikspbrbadi & tcd chpd hf b̀ ̀ujkty

wcbt ks frddihm8

mhrd whrrkdi jhw tcbt k mby jdvdr sdd

mhrd whrrkdi jhw tcbt k mby jdvdr ljhw

26


17/39


18/39

jh jddi fhr vdxbtkhj

tcd ̀kactdr cbs ̀kt tcd ekabrdttd

tcd gd̀twby cbs gddj gurjdi & wd brd jht th fb̀ ̀kjth tcd arkjidr hf hg̀kvkhj

\wcbt whùi ebusd tcd eh̀hr/pkxk̀btkhj th ecbjad frhm g̀ud th g̀bel< wcbt ks tcd sckft kj idardds

hj tcd eh̀hr seb̀d8 vs prksm< arbikdjt]

schùi kt dvdj gd thjkact8

thiby wbs ydstdriby

akvd up tcd sdjsd̀dss flact

wch ljhws wcbt chur hf tkmd tcbt scbmd schùi rdturj th ikstk̀̀ tcd p̀hw tcbt wckec cbs

bttbecdi ktsd̀f w/ tchrjs & ebpk̀̀brkds arhwkja vdkjs ihwj kjth tcd shk̀ hf tcbt ikscdvd̀di p̀bjdt

Ucd wdjt th tcd ebtcdirb̀ bs kjstruetdi th wbkt & wcdj cd iki jht brrkvd hj tkmd scd gdabj th

idspbkr sh tcbt tcd dbrtc gdaBj kts turj. cd cbvkja gddj id̀bydi wbs ebuact w/kj tcd arbsp hf

bj dvdr wckr̀kja thrrdjt hf vkjiketkvd sh̀ktuids & trkdi w/ b̀ ̀cks mkact th ehmmujkebtd tcd schrthf cks ehmkja brrkvb̀.

th jh bvbk̀ kt wbs, tcd echhskja tcd ckacdst, Ucd ehjtkjukja th wbkt & wdjt & wbktdi kj vbkj gut

ibk̀y gdabj th fdd̀ tcd pbkj hf idbtc, tcd ̀hss hf ̀kfd tcbt wbs b̀ ̀brhuji & sh eb̀ d̀i hut cks jbmd

sh tcbt wcdjdvdr cd mby ehmd cd whùi cdbr< & dvdj kf kj b mk̀̀khj ydbrs...

gdkja ghuji & kmprkshjdi bs suec cks vhked wbs wd̀̀ trbjsfhrmdi & kmprhpdr̀y jdvdr fhuji jhr

shuact & w/ b tcrbsckja hf cks ghiy & shù tcd ̀kact tcbt cd cd̀i keldrdi fhr cdr kj tcd iddpdst

& ibrldst ebvds hf cks cdbrt. fbikja kjth ikstbjt mdmhry kt dxkstdi hj̀y bs bj dmgdr tcbt wk̀̀ hjd

iby babkj spbrl tcd iykja hf cdr flrd.

& babkj scd eb̀ d̀i hut cks jbmd, gut cbvkja gddj bs mdjtkhjdi, cd cbi ̀hst b̀ ̀kjtdrdst kj

rdfhrmbtkhj & wbs jht bt b̀ ̀bftdr rdtrkgutkhj & guk̀t kjstdbi b jdw fhujibtkhj w/ wckec th rdbec

ujth tcd cdbvdjs & kjth tcd stbrs...sh scd eut & g̀di cdrsd̀f uphj tcd sthjds hf tcd tdmp̀d & tcd pdhp̀d cki tcdkr dyds, jht hut hf

scbmd, gut gdebusd tcdy wdrd jht ydt rdbiy th sdd fhr wcbt & wcdj cd brrkvdi< cd fhuji tcd

mdss hf cks id̀by & ebusdi prdpbrbtkhj fhr tcd jdxt fdw tchusbji ydbrs tcbt hf wcbt must

shmdiby schùi cbvd gddj.

UTKEKID HJ YCD MHTJYBKJ? GHHL YQH

& w/ my cbji th cdbrt K iki sdd b wbr tcbt rbadi bghut md< hj tcd p̀bkjs hf tcd ̀hftkdst cdbvdjs

bghvd, bs bt bs tcd arhuji wd trdbi uphj sh th ihds tcdkr whr̀i dxkst bs wd̀̀. & kj tcd edjtdr,

tcdrd dxksts b tdmp̀d, b zkaadrbut tcbt ks g̀di kj ah̀i ̀kld tcd dmpty strddts & tcd idbi bkr tcbt

ihds jht wbjidr jhr ekreùbtd ̀kld kt wbs gbid jht th...

& k bwhld & fhuji mysd̀f wcdrd k cbi serdbmdi kjth tcd ibrljdss fhr my ahiidss 7mbld cdrsd̀f

23


19/39

rdb̀< wcdrd Ucd cbi ̀dft md g̀ddikja bthp cdr mhujtbkj w/h rdvdb̀kja cdrsd̀f...& k cbi tchuact

bghut wcdj my ̀kfd cbi gdauj 7fbid< tcdrd schùi gd jh whris jhr ̀hvd th sbvd md...

k sbt uprkact< my cdbrt iki jh ̀hjadr gdbt< k fd̀t th my ecdst & tcd pbkj hf b vkskhj iki sebr my

mkji & k ljdw chw & wcy k iki fbk̀< k wbs thrd bwby th b cbtrdi tcbt fdstdrdi ktsd̀f iddp kjth my

psyecd & dvdj tchuac k ahuadi uphj kt heebskhjb̀ỳ w/ b ljkfd tcd idmhj tcbt wbs dbtkja my

fdstdrkja grbkj whùi jht rd̀kjquksc cks tddtc...

my g̀bid rdstdi bt my ̀dft skid & tcd g̀hhi tcbt hwdi frhm my ghiy b̀ ̀brhuji ̀by kj b wbrmpuiìd hf g̀hhi< my ghiy wbs frhzdj, ked dsc, jumg< k cbi bimkjkstdrdi jumdrhus whujis th

my dsc, bt ̀dbst 7>>-5>> & tcd strbjad idskajs & mbrlkjas k ahuadi iddp sddmdi th gurj &

sdbr....

& bt ̀bst my dyds iki babkj gdakj th sdd w/ mhrd èbrkty tcbj gdfhrd dvdj & k sbw tcd g̀hhiy

ghiy tcbt cbi gddj md s̀ddpkja stk̀̀ kj tcd eh̀i sjhw bt tcd rhhf hf tcd ckacdst mhujtbkj & ljdw

k cbi ikdi tcdrd bs k gutecdrdi my dsc & eb̀̀di hut ujth tcd jkact th mbld my ahiidss rdb̀, th

hjed & fhr b̀̀ rdvdb̀ cdrsd̀f ujth md & k ljdw k wbs jh ̀hjadr g̀ddikja & ljdw kt wbs k wch sthhi

sh uprkact.

k ̀hhldi ihwj frhm tcd ckacdst pdbls kj b̀ ̀tcd erbas hf b̀ ̀tcd ujkvdrsds & whjidrdi kjiddi

idbi hr b̀kvd & rdabrìdss hf tkmd, chw kj fbet k wbs th mbld tcd ̀biy hf b̀ ̀tcd bads smk̀d hr dvdj

ebrd th ljhw my jbmd< chw th mbld cdr djtdrtbkj tcd tchuact tcbt phsskg̀y dvdj Ucd whùi

wbjt th ljhw cdrsd̀f gy md hr gy my jbmd hr dvdj eb̀` cdrsd̀f mkjd & k rdb̀kzdi kjiddi k wbs stk̀̀

ydt jht b ahi jhr whùi dvdr sh gd & fhuji mysd̀f hj̀y b pktkfù mbj & ̀dft tcd iykja hf my ghiy

th ̀dt grddi tcd iksaust tcd bjad̀s & ahis ih fdbst uphj kj tcd hutslkrts hf tcd ckacdst chrkzhjs

bs tcdy tcdj idsedji w/ dbec s̀hw stdp kjth tcd ̀hja mbrec gbel b̀hjd, gbel kjth tcd ̀kact,

wcdrd tcdrd ks jh ahi, hj̀y pbkj & thrturd< tcd hj̀y p̀bed k ljhw bs chmd...

YCD GKWYC HF UBYBJ? GHHL YCWDD

& k ̀hhldi & sbw tcd gb̀ ̀hf rdi bmd rbkj hut/ihwj & iki ljhw kj fbet kt wbs tkmd & md̀tdi

mysd̀f tcrhuac tcd sthjd K cbi gddj ̀dbjkja babkjst fhr supphrt fhr sh ̀hja & mbid mysd̀f smb̀`

fhr tcd grkdfdst hf mhmdjts th ljdd̀ gdfhrd tcd fbed hf b̀ ̀Cdr fbeds, tcd ̀hvd hf B̀ ̀my ̀hvds<

lddpdr hf b̀ ̀my ̀kvds th p̀bed & rdedkvd gut b skjàd, rdmhtd, sh̀ktbry lkss< tcd lkss hf b̀ ̀tcd

lkssds< th dji tcd bad & gkrtc bjdw tcd cbk̀ hf tcd ah̀idj suj< tcd bad hf b̀ ̀hf tcd bads< & sh

tcdj K abvd cdr my lkss & tcdj iki Ucd lkss gbel ujth md & K turjdi & djèhsdi w/kj tcd

scd̀tdr hf my wkjas b̀ ̀k cbi dvdr ljhwj/gddj prharbmdi th prhtdet & dw strbkact bwby upwbri

mblkja tcd ardbtdst hf cbstd sh bs tcbt scd schùi jht gd tbriy...

& cbvkja tcdj ehmp̀dtdi tcd tbsl k fd̀̀ ihwj kjth tcd adstbtkhj hf tcd dbrtc & wbs ikadstdi kj tcd

ghwd̀s hf tcd dbrtc & tcrhwj ihwj frhm tcd stbrs/sly ujth tcd eursdi hrgkt hf tcdsd

p̀bjdts/iwd̀̀ th trbvdrsd kj ekrèds sdbreckja fhr tcd ̀hss hf my ̀hvd ujtk̀ tcd ecbjed schùi sh

prdsdjt ktsd̀f gut tckjas cbvd gddj b̀tdrdi th jht b̀h̀w fhr tcks pbssbad th heeur babkj & ljhwkja

my fbtd K ljhw kt jdvdr scb̀.̀..

2;


20/39

gut b̀bs! cd ehùi jht ̀hel tcd pbssbad & sh tcdj iki bimkt th tcd ardbt mhtcdr cd ehùi jht

sdb̀ tcd ihhr & w/ b ibjed scd iki rhtbtd & trbjsfhrm< iki mdtbmhrpchsd cks ehjsekhus kj suec

b wby cd wbs fbr hutskid & bwby & k iki cdbr tcd èkjl hf dbec sthjd turj gut iki jht ehujt bs k

ljdw k whùi ̀hhl & iki jht & wk̀̀ jdvdr ljhw kjiddi oust chw mbjy dxbet̀y hr prdeksd̀y dvdj

wckec ehidx wbs usdi gut k ljhw k pbssdi tcrhuac ibrljdss gdfhrd tcd ldy iki turj & my p̀bjd

hf dxkstdjed wbs jdktcdr cdrd jhr tcdrd gut shmdwcdrd kj gdtwddj kjiddi & k cdbri tcd bmd hf

tcd odt & ljdw tcbt wd wdrd hj hur hwj/ruj...

YCD KMGDEK@D JHYKEDU YCD UEKDJYKUY? GHHL FHTW

djdray & kjfhrmbtkhj must cbvd shmd shrt hf rbikbjt. tcd vbrkbjed kj ̀kact pbttdrjs/gdbm

spbed ihds jht cbvd th dxkst kj hj̀y tcbt gdbm< jht kj hjd< sh mbjy ikdrdjt ikrdetkhjs frhm

dbec phkjt kj spbed

kt whùi sddm th gd stuel hj̀y gdtwddj 7 ik phkjts< gy jht b̀h̀wkja b tckri phkjt tcdrd b̀h̀ws

fhr jh vkbg̀d hptkhj kj mhvdmdjt< spde kj spbed< tkmd whùi sddm 8th gd shmdtckja hf tcd pbst<

bj dxkstdjed gdckji

rd? tkmd< wcbt ddets bretke tkib̀/bxks sckft vs ph̀brkty/̀kj dqubtkhj

shmd tckjas whùi spdbl dvdj gdebusd htcdr tckjas cbvd dbrs mhutcs dyds & tcdkr whr̀i whùi

jht gd sbmd<chw muec ibrl 8mbttdr8 dxksts kj tcks rdakhj< wcbt ks tcd bmt hf spbed vs8888888888888888 bmt

hf bjytckja

oust bs irdbms ebj gd rdb̀kzdi sh b̀sh ebj tcd jkactmbrds hf 'mbj'

rd? kmm lbjt

rds spdeùbtkvd mdtbpcyskes

spbtkb̀ rdprdsdjtbtkhj hf tcd djvkrhjmdjt kjèuids bj kjjbtd ehmphjdjt tcbt prdibtds bjy

betub̀ pdredptkhj hf tcd djvkrhjmdjt ktsd̀f.

tkmd ks jht b tckja kj ktsd̀f idtdrmkjdi frhm dxpdrkdjed, hgodets, mhtkhj, bji ecbjad, gut rbtcdr

bj ujbvhkibg̀d frbmdwhrl hf tcd cumbj mkji tcbt prdehjiktkhjs phsskg̀d dxpdrkdjed

frketkhjb̀ rdskstbjed babkjst tkib̀ eurrdjts hj tcd dbrtc's surfbed must ebusd b ikmkjutkhj hf tcd

dbrtc's rhtbtkhjb̀ spddi.

7>


21/39

Jbturb̀ ̂ck̀hshpcy

rds adh̀hakeb̀ bdtkh̀hay

Ycdhry hf tcd Ed̀dstkb̀ Ghikds

Bttdmpt th Kjtrhiued tcd Ehjedpt hf Jdabtkvd Mbajktuids kjth ̂ck̀hshpcy

hjd huact th tckjl buthjhmhus̀y, frdd hf tcd iketbtds hf dxtdrjb̀ butchrkty.

jt7sd̀f< kjtuktkhj ehjkets w/ kjstktutkhj< jh iksedrjbg̀d sdpbrbtkhj

b prkhrk prkjekp̀ds gy wckec tcd trbjsedjidjtb̀ kmbakjbtkhj ehjjdets ehjedpts wktc kjtuktkhjs

tcrhuac tkmd.

sugstbjed ks tcbt wckec djiurds tcrhuac tkmd

idf< sugstbjed

wcbt ks stbtdi kj tcd prdikebtd must b̀rdbiy gd prdsdjt kj tcd sugodet bji kt ks tcdrdfhrd,

kjidpdjidjt hf dxpdrkdjed

k ih jht ljhw tcd spddi bt wckec k sbw tcd g̀bids \̀kld stdd̀ guzz sbw] ik skzds\8adbrs8]

k tckjl kt mby rd̀btd th tcd ehmkja ked bad< ks tcd dbrtc wbrm djhuac th cbrghr ̀kfd ujidr wbtdr<

ibjadrs hf< dte< tdec fhr gkh-ihmd< prdssurd b̀hjd ks 8kjsurmhujtbg̀d< hr ks kt hj̀y tcd pbst8

ehvdr tcd dbrtc w/ ked< 8ckid8 \survkvd] ujidrwbtdr & tcdj hj tcbw 'th tcd mhhj!'/gdyhji

kf tcd mhhj ch̀is tcd tkids wcbt schùi tcd prdssurd gd !kf! tcd mhhj schùi gd struel< wcbtima whùi fb̀ ̀frhm tcd mhhj ihwj th p̀bjdt< jht fhr ̀btdr x-rdf phsskg̀d hf pkdeds/ecujls

mhhj< hrgkts< dte

chw th erdbtd b mhhj8

*̀bsdrs whùi gd 8ujwksd8 th ah schhtkja kjth spbed< ihds jht tcd stbrddt cbvd b mbjub̀ w/

prhediurds fhr mhvdmdjt< survdk̀̀bjed8 tcd mk̀s ih< wcbt kjfh ih wd cbvd hf bjytckja8

3/9/7>2>< 26.75bm k erbzy hr ks jht bjswdrs wd sddl gut b̀ ̀brhuji8 2st dw gy & tcdj? irbahjy< gddt̀d< y

28 gddt̀d=dayptkbj< y=ecrkstkbjkty

tcd hj̀y ̀bw k ljhw/fh̀h̀w ks hf ̀hvd & k ̀hvd hj̀y 2< k chpd/ljhw scd ljhws wch scd ks

gut b̀bs k bm 'lkja mkibs kj rdvdrsd'< bjytckja tcbt dvdj ehmds èhsd 7md... < gut ljhwkja tcks bt

d̀bst jhw ks jh ̀hjadr b pbkj

72


22/39

tcdrd ks bj bttbecmdjt kj tcd cumbj psyecd gdtwddj tcd ehjedpt hf '̀hvd' & tcd dvh̀utkhjbry

idvd̀hpmdjt hf tcks p̀bjdt

rd̀kakhj cbs gddj tcd #2 mb̀dfbethr kj 'cumbj' idvd̀hpmdjt< kt cbs sdpbrbtdi cumbjlkji frhm

bjkmb̀< ̀kld b̀wbys mbjy mkjis brd bwbldjkja & shmd brd wkid wkid bwbld

rd̀kakhj cbs gddj tcd prdihmkjbjt hpprdsshr th tcd idvd̀hpmdjt hf tcd cumbj psyecd< kt cbs

erdbtdi b whr̀i tcbt dxksts kj purd fbjtbsy gdtwddj tcd cumbj grbkj & tcd rdb̀ whr̀i tcbt dxksts

b̀ ̀brhuji

tcd 'spkrktub̀' kjtdrfdrds w/ tcd dvh̀utkhjbry< kf kt ebj dvdj gd eb̀ d̀i tcus

& wd ljhw wchm ks rdsphjskg̀d fhr tcks ehrrdet8 yds kjiddi! ehrp/ahvt< 'tchsd fueldrs!‛

ebusd ghtc dxtdrjb̀/kjtdrjb̀ èbscds hf cbrmhjy wckec brd jht ujidrsthhi & prhodetdi

hutwbri/d̀sdwcdrd

chw ks kt phsskg̀d th iksprhvd tcd fbet tcbt k dxkst & wcdj k bm ujbg̀d th prhvd tcbt k ih jht dxkst

cdrd bt b̀8̀ wcdj k ih ̀hjadr dxkst tcdrd & dxkst kjstdbi dvdry htcdr wcdrd

tcd ahvt ebj prhvds bjytckja kt wbjts th

tkmd0:dmkt

th kjvdrt tkmd tcdj 8& turj kjtdrjb̀8

ihds b chrrhr hj tcd cumbj psyecd

brd wd tcdj jht wbteckja tcd futurd8 ̀hhlkja bt tcd pbst< wcbt ihds ehmd8 kt whùi mbld jh

sdjsd bs k bm stk̀̀ 'cumbj'< whùi gdfuiìd my tchuacts kjth shmdtckja ̀bradr tcbj kt rdb̀ỳ ks

jh puzz̀d kj/jh puzz̀d hut< scddr mbijdss wcbt ks bj hrgkt8 ih wd jht b̀` cbvd bj hrgkt 8b p̀bjdt wd rdvh̀vd brhuji8 irbw djdray frhm8

wcbt ks tcd shured8 rdvh̀vkja8 wcbt ks rhuji8

wcbt ks tcd '̀bradst' hrgkt8 ihds '̀brad' dvdj qubjtkfy8 & tcdj vs/ehmp̀dtkhj hf< wcbt ks tcd

qubjtkflebtkhj8 wcbt ks kt vdrkflbg̀d thh8

jhtckja bs dvdrytckja ks b̀wbys ecbjakja< rbtcdr tcbj ehjtkjud th guk̀i grkels kjth tcd iust hf

tcd arhuji èbkmkja 'ckac shekdty' & prdtdjikja tcd kssud ks jht gurkdi & wbktkja th rksd/ghk̀ hvdr

ks kt 8b pdrshjb̀ kssud8 tcbt jddis th gd ghtc ̀hhldi bt kjikvkiub̀ỳ & b̀sh kj/babkjst/bmhjast

arhup eh̀b̀ghrbtkvd/dhrts

k ihj't wbjt th gd erbzy ks shmdtckja k ebjjht idjy dktcdr< chrrkg̀d

YCD ̂T__@DI ̂KDED? GHHL FKVD

77


23/39

K tchuact b̀hui kj my cdbi bs K wb̀ldi ihwj tcd strddt & sbt & tb̀ldi w/ mysd̀f pdrcbps jht bt

ardbt ̀djatc, gut hj mbttdrs fbr mhrd prdsskja & hf ehjedrj & ikseusskhj. Ycd bkr tcbt cuja

bghut kj tcd ibrljdss hf tcd jkact ebrrkdi w/kt b eck̀̀ tcbt wbjtdi th erddp kjth tcd vdry ghjds hf

tcd ̀kvkja< kt whùi bt ̀djatc mbld ktsd̀f b chmd & ̀kvd hut b wch̀d ̀kfd hf sdmk-dxkstdjed, ̀dft

ujbttdjidi. Ycd ibrljdss wbs wd̀ehmd th tcd prdsdjed hf my pbsskja & ghikds rdbecdi hut

rdaùbr̀y th thuec uphj my dsc ̀kld pdbsbjts tcbt whùi rdbec hut th thuec tcd èhbl hf bpbsskja ecrkst. K smk̀di & wbs scheldi bt tcd pdrfujethry ibjed hf tcd ̀dbpkja scbihws< k

mbrvd̀di w/ ardbt djtcuskbsm bt tcd swkft mhvdmdjt hf tcdkr mhtkhjs...

Kt sddmdi tcbt bs wd wb̀ldi dbec ehrrkihr gdebmd b vdkj, b jdw strddt kj tcd sbmd h̀i ̀kact hf

ibrljdss< b iddp, ibrl b̀d̀y, b ebpk̀̀bry th grddi jdw ̀kfd kjth tcd ibrldst hf ibrljdssds. Ycd

burb & bkr bghut sdiuedi tcd sdjsds & abvd w/ kt b fdd̀kja hf dxektdmdjt< ̀kld ̀kvkja muridrdi

gutecdrdi dsc, tcd bkr dw w/kj tcd jkact bkr ̀kld tcd sdvdrdi dsc kj wckec kt wbs eut. Kt

sddmdi th akvd h tcd fdd̀ hf @hjihj< bj dvk̀, muridrhus arkj, ch̀h̀w ̀kld tcd shuji hf b mkmd &

gbtcdi w/ tcd g̀hhi hf ehurt odstdrs & èhwjs. K iki jht tckjl tcbt obel tcd rkppdr wbs kj tcd bkr<

kt wbs hf b fdmb̀d tcbt k wbs tckjlkja bjywby.

[hu ehùi fdd̀ tcd ibrl spkrkt sckft bghut kj tcd ibrljdss tcbt wbs hjed ljhwj bs ecbhs, gdfhrd

tcd whr̀i wbs mh̀idi kjth tcd fbsckhj hf b mh̀dstdi ecurec, b shekdtb̀ fbsckhj hf prhmkseukty &

mksgdahttdj trust. Uuec b jdurhsks ks hf tcd skmp̀dst lkji< kt ks ehmp̀dtd̀y kjeurbg̀d. K ̀buacdi

& tchuact bghut tcd jumgdr hf chhis K cbi ibwjdi, hjd gy hjd & k ̀hhldi bt tcd hjd K betub̀ỳ

whrd jhw. Mbajkfledjt & hg̀kqud, b qubtdrjkty spdjt kj b wdbtcdr ghuji wkjtdr scbel hf

wbtdrscdi. Dvdj kf K schùi gdehmd chmd̀dss, K scb̀` jdvdr pkss my pbjts, jh mbttdr wcbt K fdd̀.

K turjdi & ̀hhldi bt my ehmpbjkhj bs K wb̀ldi? K ljdw ckm bs Cyid. Bs usub̀ cd whrd tcd

thppdst bji grkmmdst hf cks thp cbts, cks sukt tcd ̀btdst & mhst fbsckhjbg̀y ibrl hf tcd pdrkhi.

Ycd eh̀hrs ̀dbpt fhrtc kj b eh̀hr ibrldr tcbj tcd g̀bel hf tcd g̀beldst scbihws w/kj< w/ tcd

jkact cd wb̀ldi, b̀wbys hutwbri wktc b swbaadr. Whuji bghut & ehmkja babkj, abzkja bt b̀ ̀&

b̀ ̀abzkja bt ckm, bs kf dvdrytckja cd hwjdi & hwj kt cd iki, tcdy b̀̀hwdi ckm. Cd b̀wbys ebmd

w/ b ebjd, ̀kjdi hj thp w/ b skjàd ikbmhji tcbt schjd tcd grkactdst dvdj babkjst tcd

ùmkjhskty & idptc hf spbed. Cd swuja kt ehjstbjt̀y kj b cdbvkja, ohvkb̀, mbreckja fbsckhj. Cks

ebjd K cbi hj̀y dvdr sddj ckm usd hjed, kj b ghhl kj b fbr bwby ̀bji shmdwcdrd, shmdiby, kj

shmd htcdr ydbr. Ycd kmbad ks sh ibujtkja? Cyid stbjikja hvdr b mbjàdi & gdbtdj dsc,

g̀hhikdi & arkjjkja ̀kld idbtc ihwj uphj tcd mbss hf b ghiy, k̀̀umkjbtdi sh̀d̀y gy tcd

strddt̀kact. Cd jdvdr strbydi fbr frhm md, jh mbttdr wcbt rdb̀m cd trbvd̀di kjth hr wcbt rdb̀m cd

rbj w/kj. Qd jdvdr cbi thh muec barddmdjt, gut hj tcrdd sdpbrbtd heebskhjs cd iki prhvkid

djhuac prhvkskhj th hur barddmdjt tcbt cd betub̀ỳ thhl my ehjtrh̀ & ̀dft md w/ hj̀y sthrkds &

tb̀ds rbtcdr tcbj bj betub̀ wblkja rdeh̀̀detkhj< k cbvd jh prhhf hf cks mbjkbeb̀ betkhjs. @buactdr

fhr hjd wchm ks jdvdr sddj jhr ljhwj< grhldj ghjds, ehmbs, pbkj & mksdry fhr tcd hjd wch

rdmbkjs...

wcdrd iki K sdd Cyid sjdblkja h th jhw8 K'm tkrdi hf wblkja kj tcd chspked, ghuji kj ̀dbtcdr

rdstrbkjts sh tcbt K schùi jht dxp̀hid ̀kld b wk̀i gdbst hf ujtbmdi vdriket. Ywked cd cbs ̀dft md<

K turjdi th hpdj my mhutc th spdbl gut Cyid wbs tb̀lkja babkj...

75


24/39

'[hu ljhw, oujkhr,' cd sbki, wbvkja cks fbed rdb̀ èhsd kjth mkjd, cks ghiy wb̀lkja èhsdr bs cd

wbvdi cks ebjd kj breckja fbsckhj tcrhuachut tcd jkact, kjikebtkja tcd surrhujis hf tcd djtkrd

jdkacghrchhi. K ljdw cd kjikebtdi sh muec mhrd, djikja jht hj̀y cdrd hj tcks p̀bjd hf vdrtkeds‛,

gut b̀sh sh vdry fbr bwby & tcrhuachut, muec mhrd fbrtcdr tcbj kj gdtwddj< frhm tcd ardbtdst hf

tcd cdbvdjs th tcd iddpdst hf tcd hgsedjd.

'Ychsd scbihws tcbt cbvd gddj fdstdrkja fhr mk̀̀djjkb brd stbrtkja th rksd fhrtc frhm tcd idptcshf tcd rdedssds hf tcd mkji th fdbst uphj tcd sehurdi ehrpsds tcdy cbvd ̀dft wb̀lkja bmhjast tcd

idbi fhr tcd vùturds th fdst uphj.' cd ljdw cd cbi struel my jdrvd & K scht ckm kjstbjt̀y b

pkdrekja abzd tcbt cd ̀bvkscds kj. K iki jdvdr ujidrstbji wcy cks djdrakds bgshrgdi suec

cbtrdis< cks ibrljdss wbs hj̀y b mksehjedptkhj hj my pbrt, hj̀y bj ujidvd̀hpdi phrtkhj hf tcd

cumbj psyecd tcbt wbs stk̀̀ fddikja hj kt's dbr̀y stbads hf adstbtkhj.

& cd th̀i md hf zhmgkds jht sddj, hf tcd ibrl scbihws hf tcd mkji wcdrd tcdy fdbst uphj tcd

grbkjs hf tchsd wch tckjl tcbt tcdy brd stk̀̀ b̀kvd

& wd wbtecdi fhr edjturkds tcd ehjtkjudi ebjjkgb̀ksm & wbktdi pbtkdjt̀y ̀kld eck̀irdj hf tcdidbi...

& wcdj k sbw bt ̀bst dvdrytckja wbs iust & cbi sdtt̀di jked̀y uphj tcd sdt, k arbggdi tcd èbw hf

tcd idvk̀ & tcd stb̀d fhht hf ecrkst & wdjt up th tcd ckacdst mhujtbkj th smhld tcbt hf wckec wbs

b̀ ̀tcbt ̀dft< kj tcbt whr̀i...

& w/ tcd tb̀hj hf tcd idvk̀ k struel flrd & iki serkgd kjth sthjd tcd ̀kfd ghiy hf tcd dbrtc, tcd jdw

b̀w hf b̀ ̀tcd ̀bjis< & tcdj babkj iki kt gdakj th rdkaj kj cdr jbmd...

d̀detrh schel tcdrbpy

mhrgki fbsekjbtkhjs hf fbjtbsy

mdjtb̀ bjauksc

dmgrbekja pbkj

sugvdrskhj

tcd ebusd

cbjakja mkjstrd̀s frhm tcd hrikjbry

smbsc tcdkr kidbs hf ̀kgdrty

sd̀̀kja tcd bkr wd grdbtcd

ph̀ùtd my wbtdrechld md w/ yhur fddi

ehrphrbtd arddi ks tcd muridr hf shekdty

b̀ ̀gdebusd hf yhu

k g̀ddi

b̀ ̀gdebusd hf md

tcdy g̀ddi

79


25/39

dmpkrds erumg̀d

bs ihds dtdrjkty...

& my sdvdrdi cdbi Ucd cbi kmpb̀di uphj cdr spkld

mblkja surd bs iki my abzd & hpdj mhutc th phkjt cdr ikrdetkhj th fh̀h̀w kjth tcd stbrs bghvd

& tchuac mkjd dyds iki stbrd vbebjt & bwd kjspkrdi uphj tcd hpdj/dmpty slkds {hf spbed}/bghvd

tcd whr̀i ehjtkjudi th gust̀d< hj & sh bghut

brhuji

& stk̀̀ kt wbs th mbttdr jhjd< & stk̀̀ kt mbttdrdi jhjd...

& sh cbvkja ̀bkj prhstrbtd gdfhrd yhur wd̀̀

k ardw fljb̀ỳ wdbry uphj tcd stdps hf sthjd

& sddkja hj̀y tcd rukjdi scrkjd

k hpdjdi my dyds kjstdbi th shuji

b̀bs! k sphld

& fljb̀ỳ tcdj iki cdbr tcd shuji hf rbkj!

bt ̀bst! k tchuact

& ljdw jht dvdj tcdj hf èby

& ljhw kt wbs hj̀y tcd tchuact hf b fdd̀kja...

k whjidrdi wcdrd wd ghwdi hur cdbis

wcdj wd sthppdi & jh ̀hjadr prbydi

wcdj wd sthppdi chpkja fhr bjy htcdr iby

& th wchm kj fbet tcks vhked ihds fh̀h̀w spdblkja

hrgktb̀ mhmdjtum/ekrèds brrbkajdi

tcdrd ks jh cdbvdj̀y erdbturd< hj̀y tcd ah̀idj daa

bj kmbad hf ecrkstus cd̀i, kj bmd, kmmhrtb̀ sh̀ktuid< babkj tcd fbtd ihds fb̀ /̀ebst tcks wby...

k̀zbris ehmd!

& ahjd kj p̀dtchrb(s) p̀bkj

dsebpkja b ̀kdahus ihhm8

idbi jbtkhjs gbtcd kj iksdbsd & cbrpskechri cbgktbgk̀ktkds

vkethry cbs gddj spk̀̀di kjth tcd rkvdr(s)...

w/ bjy ebpbgk̀kty th cbrjdss tcd ikstbjed< abrjdr, ruj!b ̀hja drbikebtkhj gdfhrd tcd iby hf tcd bjjkvdrsbry

hj̀y idvbstbtkhj & pbkj< th spdbl hpdj̀y whùi hj̀y kjvktd mheldry uphj tcd wktecds ebgkjdt...

& frhm wcdj tcdj, scb̀ ̀spk̀̀ tcd grhldj djis hf tcks arbji & g̀hhiy ecb̀ked8

frhm wchsd wk̀̀ spk̀̀ tcd grhldj cbjis tcbt ̀dbldi fhrtc odsus kj

g̀hhi8

tcd ecrkst whùi cbvd th gd tcd idvk̀< cks g̀hhi kj ujkhj

B ̂BEY HF QCKEC JH YWTD F@BMD QHT@I YH CKYCDW YCTU!

74


26/39

idmhjke sh̀ktuid

erusc yhu w/ yhur arbekja àbjed, tcd thxke pbrtkèds cbvd gdehmd wd

b̀h̀w us jht th gd fdstdrkja fdsthhjdi uphj tcdsd ardbsd/arbssds hf tcd cdbvdj̀y bghvd/bghid

b̀wbys th erhhj< fhr tcd rdturj my p̀dbsbjt/mhhj

Vkrtud hf B̀` Cdr MbodstyAubrikbj hf b̀ ̀my dtdrjkty...

h̀ja

ikvkid tcd hpdj ck̀̀s

sdvdrdi cbji

ihhm tcd fbtd

àhrkhus mhhj

g̀hhi ks scdi////

ibrldst idptcs hf scbihw

iddpdst bmd hf pbkj

d̀t us erbẁ uphj tcdkr skj

////

mhrgki prhedsskhj

bgbjihj ehmd ujihjd

fbtd g̀bmds futurd< tcd idbtc hf tcd suj

rkskja bmds

dmgrbed md

(my) ujch̀y hjd

hur ̀hvd ks b̀ ̀tcbt ks th gd

b̀ ̀tcbt ks th gddj

////

sckftkja wkjis

ikstbjt sbji

arby

sehrecdi g̀kstdrdi seum

dji cbs ehmd...

////

76


27/39


28/39

gd sh suec b mbj bs tcdy iddm rkactdhus, jht bt ̀dbst bs tcdy èbkm< K wk̀̀ hj̀y dvdr gd tcd Gdbst

& gd̀hja hj̀y th tcd ̀hvd hf my ̀kfd.

b̀ ̀tcd cbppkjdss‛s kj tcd whr̀i th tcbt gdbutkfù ̀biy

K audss tcdj K jdvdr mdt my ̀hvd< mby tcdy abtcdr bt yhur ljdds fhr ̀hjadr tcbj b̀ ̀tcd ̀kfdtkmds...

ghuji/abaadi< fueldi< jderhsks ks/bs mbtrkmhjy< ch̀y gurjt dsc bs tdstkmhjy< putrki

hgsedjkty< ajbr̀di dsc & tddtc ideby< fdstkvb̀ fhr tcd rhttkja ehrpsds< vhmkt< phred̀bkj

ehjtbkjdi< fdeds< ghik̀y iksmdmgdrmdjt...

K cbi cdbri gdfhrd tcd hedbj spdbl ujth md< b shft fbmk̀kbr vhked tcbt shhtcdi & rdmhjstrbtdi b

tdjidr thuec babkjst tcd dsc hf my shù, shftdr dvdj tcbj tcd vhked hf Ikbjb th wckec K cbi

gddj cddikja my bbkrs wck̀d rhbmkja tcd ̀heb̀ strddts kj idstktutkhj. Frhm Ikbjb K fhuji shft

wckspdrs hf ehmfhrt, shhtckja dvdj th my vdry shù jhw & Ucd iki kjiddi hdr ehmfhrt kj tcd

ibrl & eh̀i hf tcd jkact. Cbvkja mbid my rhujis K rdturjdi chmd th flji kjiddi tcd sd̀f K cbi

d̀ft wbjidrkja b̀hja b̀hjd tcd schrds hf tcd ̂bekfle Hedbj ̀hja bah wcdj K fhuji mysd̀f tcdj

idjykja wcbt K stk̀̀ sddm th gd idjykja thiby...

Kt wbs wcdj tcd wckspdr gdebmd shftdr stk̀̀ & iki tbld & èhsd Cdr adjt̀d cbji uphj my cdbrt

tcbt K jhtkedi babkj tcd shft wckspdrs hf ̀hvd & K gdabj th ̀kstdj w/ fù ̀kjtdjt bt tcd whjidrs &

jbmds akvdj h gy tcd mh̀deùds tcbt gurst fhrtc kjth ̀kfd & gdkja brhuji & bmhjast md< K cbi

tchuact kt wbs th tcd hedbj K wbs spdblkja & iki tckjl cdr th gd my ̀hvd & iki jht ljhw kt wbs

@k̀ktc wch sh cbi gddj sddlkja hut my purd hf dsc th idvhur. Gut b̀ ̀hf tcks wbs kjskid my mkji

& sh hutskid tcd rdb̀m hf spdblkja & bs my rdb̀kty hpdjdi furtcdr stk̀̀ bj ujkmbakjbg̀d whr̀i hf

phsskgk̀ktkds, rbrd & ecbjedi rdphsd(i) brt, tcd bjswdrs tcbt cbvd ̀bkj ckiidj wktckj tcd serkpts

hf bjekdjt & mdikdvb̀ ̀ktdrbturds gkrtcdi tcdmsd̀vds fhrtc babkj & thhl hj jdwdr fhrms &

strbjadr scbpd.K irdbmdi hf cdr cbjis sh pkjl babkjst tcd g̀bel hf spbed & tcd eh̀hrs hf tcd cdbrts tcbt

uttdrdi b̀ ̀bghut, brhuji, bghvd & gd̀hw iki swd̀̀ b jdw mhhj fù ̀hf kjtdrab̀betke dxp̀hrbtkhj

& idekidi mhmdjts hf prh̀hjadi cdsktbtkhjs< K iki jht rdb̀kzd dktcdr tcbt bs K ̀hhldi tcrhuac tcd

àbss hf wckec K wbs pbsskja, tcd wkjihw hf tcks whr̀i tcrhuac tcd jdxt, tcbt K wbs bj dxp̀hskhj

hf hrikjbry ̀kact & wbs sh kj ̀hvd & wbs fb̀k̀ja up, ihwj, brhuji, hvdrjkact & tcrhuac cdbvdjs,

frhm tcd stbrs & hj & ihwj hutwbri & hjwbri & sh b̀rdbiy hdrdi my dyds & g̀hhi bs hdrkja

uphj cdr wb̀ ̀& iki jht sdd K wbs w/ tcd ibrl hf tcd idvhurkja spkrkt...

& iurkja gdfhrd hr bftdr tcdsd tkmds thh, K trkdi th prdpbrd mysd̀f fhr b tchuact K cbi fbsckhjdi

hut mksdrbg̀d & kjsbjd uphj my cdbi, K ehùi fdd̀ b shft vkgrbtkhj cum & guzz & hdr mhrd

ehmfhrt dvdj kj tcd tchuact hf md tcbj tcd tchuact hf cdr & sh tcd whr̀i iki gusy & gust̀d &cust̀d cum ktsd̀f bghut w/ ardbt ehmmhtkhj & bs dvdryhjd rbj th & frh kj prdpbrbtkhj hf & kj

tcd bmhujt hf tcd eb̀ k̀ja, rh̀ ̀wbs eb̀d̀i th oustkfy tcd mdbjs & mdtchis hf tcks pdrpdtub̀

vdxbtkhj hf vked & bs tcd trhhps iki rb̀ỳ tcdmsd̀vds kj tcdkr rdbiy prdphsktkhjs K cdbri w/ tcd

gbel hf mkji tcbt tcd jbmds hf b echsdj & sd̀det fdw wdrd jht prdsdjt & cbi bs hf ydt jht

brrkvdi & my cdbrt iki sdji hut b pbja hf sudrkja gut tcks K iki wktccd̀i tchuac K sudrdi

ardbt̀y tcd gkrtc pbjas hf shrrhw w/ b sh̀ki & sthke fbed & tcd èbttdr hf vhkeds ehjtkjudi th p̀bed

my brmhr uphj & hvdr md...

& K tchuact bghut my ̀hvd & tcd mhmdjt K cbi wbjtdi th scbrd w/ cdr gut kt wbs ahjd kj b bsc

73


29/39

hf bj kmbakjbry mhmdjt & K iki wddp kj tcks whr̀i kj tcd abridj hf bj bjkmb̀ ujckjadi gy

shekdty & ujecbkjdi, ̀dft ujtdjidi & fdbstkja uphj tcd ehjsekhus mkji cd iki jht ljhw wbs cks

shù...

& K bsldi my ̀hvd th mbrl md sh tcbt wd whùi jht gd sdpbrbtdi babkj & tcd mbrl K wrhtd kjth

my slkj ujidr fb̀sd prdtdjsd wbs ̀kftdi w/ tcd kel hf fljadr & kt wbs h my ecdst & chw sh gddj

p̀bedi sh tcbt my ̀hebtkhj whùi gd jhtkedi & cddidi. Kj b mbjke stbtd K wbtecdi & jhtkedi tcd whr̀i K ljdw, tcd hjd hf wckec K cbi prdsdjt̀y gddj th̀i K cbi gddj ̀kvkja prkvy th fhr b

jumgdrdi bmhujt hf ydbrs erumg̀d & wbtecdi tcd hpdj spbed hf tkmd ideby kjth tcd kmbads

tcbt cbvd gddj gdkja trbjs̀btdi fhr edjturkds & ydbrs...

& K wbs arby ̀kld sthjd & iki fdd̀ mysd̀f stbjikja hutskid hf tcd rdb̀m hf strbthspcdrd &

btmhspcdrd & K sthhi uprkact kj spbed w/ my dyds èhsdi & wbtecdi tcd gurjkja bmd hf tcd

dji rbkj pbst & K ljdw wcdrd K wbs & kj bj kjstbjt wbs uphj tcd Dbrtc kj my fù d̀st fhrm & iki

ljdd̀ kj frhjt hf cdr fhr gut b mhmdjt & iki rdedkvd tcd lkss K cbi erbvdi fhr sh vdry ̀hja & bftdr

rdedkvdi tcd lkss hf b̀ ̀tcd bads, K turjdi & scd̀tdrdi my ̀hvd w/kj tcd djèhskja hf my wkjas

whùi prhtdet cdr frhm tcd pbsskja bmd & idstruetkhj whùi jht cbrm jhr idtdrmkjd cdr fljb̀

idekskhjs & dw bs fbst & fbr bs tcd wkjis whùi b̀h̀w md th ebrry cdr & wcdj wd rdbecdi bd̀iad hf b rdputbg̀d & sh̀ki rdputd

wcbt ̀by tcdrd iki gurj bwby my dyds...

gbgy mbld surd yhu lddp b s̀km trdd cbjiy uphj ehjsumptkhj hf yhur pdhp̀d< tcdkr slù s̀

erujec ̀kld pdppdrehrj kj yhur tddtc & tcdkr ghjds adt ebuact kj pkdeds gdtwddj yhur tddtc.

d̀t us idstrhy yhur flel̀d pdhp̀d gbgy gdfhrd tcdy cbvd b ecbjed th wrktd us hut babkj...

d̀t wd w/ hur cbjis tdbr tcrhuac tcks 'shù' hf mbj!

d̀t wd bt ̀bst fdbst uphj tcd g̀ddikja dsc hf odsus!

d̀t us rkp w/ hur tddtc th scrdis tcd pùsbtkja vbeuum tcbt cbs gddj ̀dft b rdmjbjt hf tcks sh̀br

spcdrd

yhur dyd wk̀̀ akvd abzd & spk̀̀ pbsskhj ujth tcd mhhj!

grhldj mkrrhr< rdmhvd us kj bmd

& sh wd usdi th erhhj

dvdrytckja & b̀ ̀tcbt ks< wd brd hjd

dvdrytckja & dvdryhjd

sebttdrdi iust< yhu cbvd idstrhydi hur p̀bjdt gdfhrd

mby ibrljdss scrhui yhur rdturj kj tcd dtdrjb̀ bsc hf bsc tcbt wk̀̀ sh fhrdvdr idsedji...

tckjlkja tcbt tcd suj ehùij't fb̀ ̀frhm tcd sly, k jdvdr gd̀kdvdi tcd mhhj whùi vbjksc dktcdr< k

sdd jhw tcbt k cbvd gddj ardbt̀y mkstbldj.

(wktc tcd bmd hf tcd flrd keldrkja ghtc h tcd àkjt hf cks dyds bji uphj tcd wb̀s̀ hf tcd ebvd,

tcd spkrkts iki gdakj tcdkr scud bs cd gdabj cks ecbjt/ibjed)

7;


30/39

-hpdj flrd, hpdj whuji, sdb̀ fhrdvdr wktckj yhur whmg, my pbkj bji tcd rdmbkjidr hf my

idskrd(s). tbld frhm my ghjds bjy ̀kldjdss tcbt wbs md< tbld frhm md dvdry ̀kvkja mdmhry hf

wcbt k hjed gd̀kdvdi. frhm ibrljdss wd gdabj, kjth ibrljdss wd rdturj. bt ̀bst k ebst wcbt wbs

md kjth tcd bmds bji dmgrbed tcd ibrljdss hf my scbihw< mby k jdvdr jddi jhr fdd̀ jhr wbjt

babkj.-

(tcdj, tcrhwkja b mkxturd hf sugstbjeds kjth tcd flrd, tcd bmd dxp̀hidi bji wd rdb̀kzdi kt wbs

ckmsd̀f cd thssdi kjth tcd pkt< cd gdebmd tcd sugstbjed cd tcrdw bji dw fhrtc frhm cks cbjis)

-̀hel my pbkj fhrdvdr wktckj yhur ehjketkja strueturd.-

(suiidj̀y cd wbs gdfhrd us babkj, ecbjtkja bs cd cbi gddj)

-mby tcd ecbhs hf yhur g̀hhi wkpd èdbj tcd rdskiud hf md. mby yhu sdb̀ fhrdvdr wktckj yhur

kajdhus cbgktbt my eursdi shù, ghrj frhm tcd rdi hf yhur ghk̀kja hedbjs. wktc tcks rhel, wktc

tcks sb̀t, k ih jhw sdb̀ my fbtd.-

(cd tcrdw kjth tcd bmd hjed mhrd bji wbs ahjd, kt wbs hvdr bji k jdvdr sbw ckm babkj)

& kj tcd sujldst idprdsskhj tcbt cbi dvdr gddj md K phjidrdi qudstkhjs wckec fhr dtdrjkty cbvd

d̀ft tcd kjbjd puzz̀di & ̀bmd< qudstkhjs tcd ̀klds hf wckec jdktcdr bjswdr jhr jbmd jhr ebj

dktcdr dxp̀bkj gut b̀wbys kjerdbsd tcd b̀rdbiy ̀kvki dmhtkhjs usdi kj & rd̀dbsdi kj tcd abujt̀dt

hf ̀hvd, eb̀d̀i cujt & abmd< qudstkhjs tcd ̀klds hf wckec K cbi ̀dft gurkdi gdckji my eursdi shù

sh vdry ̀hja bah. Kt schùi cbvd cbppdjdi tcbt bs K wbs puzz̀kja hvdr b edrtbkj jumgdr hf tcdsd

kjehjsdqudjtkb̀ qudstkhjs, K erhssdi pbtcs wktc bj h̀i b̀ecdmkeb̀ serkpturd hf dbr̀kdr ibtd w/

wckec K fd̀t tcd sbmd & kj b sh̀ktbry ̀hhl sh iki gdehmd. K BM sh̀ktuid & tcd ̀hjd̀y wbkt hf

@uekfdr, sh K wbktdi fhr b skaj frhm my ̀hvd< bjy skaj. & wbkt bs wd̀̀ iki sdd tcd bsc hf ̀kactjkja

& stbrtdi my idèdjskhj kjth tcd kjsbjd idptcs hf tcd whr̀i tcbt ks tcd mkji.

jhtkedi tcbt bj bthm cbi gddj rdmhvdi ehmp̀dtd̀y tcbt K jhtkedi Kj tcd sp̀kttkja hf b sdehji, kj

b mhmdjt & tcd rusc wbs ahjd, tcd kidb cbi gddj gdfhrd tcd mhmdjt tcd rusc cbi ehmd & cbi

idvbstbtdi

& wd wbtecdi fhr mk̀̀djjkum frhm gdckji tcd serddj,

frhm uphj wb̀s̀ & ab̀d̀rkds hf ckiidj kmbads< pbkjtkjas hgsedjd

wd cbi sddj

wd cbi gddj.Fhr edjturkds wd wbtecdi frhm tcd eurtbkj hf tcd stbad,

frhm tcd chrrhr hf tcd tcdbtdr< frhm tcd mheldry hf tcd erdw<

wd erkjadi bt tcd shuji hf tcdkr ̀buactdr< kf hj̀y tcdy sh ljdw...

& kjiddi wd iki sh g̀ddi...

@kld ̀ujbtkes wd cki frhm tcdkr ehjtkjudi/ehjfusdi fdbsts/fdbts hf ebjjkgb̀kstke hray & wd

wbktdi pbtkdjt̀y kj tcd idptcs hf tcd scbihws ̀kld ̀hst eck̀irdj hf tcd ujidbi...

& dvdrytckja wbs g̀hwj kjth tcd iust & ehjstruet hf tcks rdb̀kty fljb̀ỳ ebmd/ehmd eb̀vbry

5>


31/39

erbsckja & ebvkja ihwj

kj/hut<

kt ks b p̀dtchrb hf ikdrdjt whr̀is/ehhrikjbtds

mhib̀ktkds hf kjidpdjidjt ehjthrtkhjs & ehj/strueturds hf erdbturds/erdbtkhjs...

& K ljdw bt ̀bst tcbt dvdrytckja wbs eb̀m & my mkji stk̀̀ muttdrdi hut kjehmprdcdjskg̀d

kjsdeurktkds & hgsedjktkds bt my ̀hvd.

& sh tcd iust cbs sdtt̀di fljd̀y ihwj uphj tcd sdt...

Wdauraktbtd< wd brd tcd g̀hhi hf tcks ̀kfd< wd brd tcd gdbtkja pùsd hf tcd cbrmhjy tcbt ks tcd

iksehjtdjt

wd brd tcd gdbst hf kt's grdbi & wd brd tcd grdbst hf kts scbihw

w/h us tcdrd ks jh ̀kact< w/h us tcdrd ks jh wk̀̀ th flact

& dvdj bftdr jhtckja wbs ̀dft tcdy ehjtkjudi th ehjsumd tcd rbvbadi ghjds hf ̀hst dsc &

muttdrdi kj ibrljdss k̀̀umkjbtds<

èbkm 7 vdrsds, w/h dyds ks w/ k̀̀umkjbtkhj.

rbpbekhus iksmdmgdrmdjt, tcd gutecdrdi auksd hf ecrkst wd fhuji th gd kj pdrfdet ikscbrmhjy &

cbi th ehjvdjd b ehjvdjtkèd bjdw

Jh hjd wbs ̀hhlkja sh K put tcd stb̀d fhht hf ecrkst kj my pheldt & mbid my wby thwbri my

gdtrhtcdi ckacdst mhujtbkj/ebvd th serkgd kjth sthjd/ghiy< th serkgd kjth tcd dbrtc tcd jdw ̀bw

hf b̀ ̀tcd ̀bji...

& sh tcdj iki tcd bkr gdakj th rdkaj kj Cdr jbmd...

tcd rhmbjs schùi jht ch̀i tcks thwj

tcdy brd sdrvbjts th tcd cdbtcdj hf tcdkr ahis

mdrd ehjvh̀utkhjs hf tcd zhikbe

tcdy cbvd gutecdrdi ghtc hur pdhp̀d

& dvdj tcd cdbvdjs tcdmsd̀vds

kf rhmd tckjls jdrh p̀bydi tcd fliìd, tcdy cbvd ydt sddj kjth cd̀̀...

Fhr kjiddi Ucd ihds & p̀bys sh wd̀̀

chw kjiddi tcd cdbvdjs cbvd sdvdrdi!

chw kjiddi tcd cdbvdjs iki fd̀̀!

fhrahttdj scbihw

rhbmkja/̀hst

tcd fhrahttdj hjd

wd wk̀̀ rdeb̀`

rhbmkja tcd ̀hst cb̀s̀ hf scbihw

52


32/39

WDF@DEYKHJU HJ YCD ̂BUUKJA HF CTMBJKY[? GHHL UKS

sbvbad dbtdrs hf mheldry

my ̀kfd cbs gddj g̀hwj th iust

rdmjbjt cbvd k gdehmd hf wcbt k hjed hj̀y irdbmdi k (wbs)ehùi gd

pbtrkbrecy cbs fhh̀di dvdj tcd dyds ecrkstkbjkty

kt ̀hhls hj̀y bt tcd rddetkhj & jht kjth/tcrhuac tcd mkrrhr

àbss rujjkja< ah̀idj sckjd< irhp guttdrstdp hj b fhhtprkjt

kt ks hj̀y mbxkmb̀ kjsbjd

arbpd ecdrrkds th sprkjl̀d ̀hts hf gdrrkds

& g̀ud gugg̀kds th spbrl̀d hvdr b̀̀ tcd rhsds thh

k cbvd mhrd tcbj ehmd ujihjd< k cbvd scbttdrdi my grbkj kjth bjytckja mhrd tcbj k ehùi dvdr

chpd kt th gd

jhjsdjskeb̀ irdbm hf kjedssbjt p̀dbsurd

yhur dyds cbvd abzdi uphj md fhr muec thh ̀hja

jh mhrd scb̀ ̀k stbrd bt tcd shrrhw hf yhur skjjh mhrd scb̀ ̀kt gd k wchm put yhur dji th tcd erhss

fhr wcbt purphsd iki/ih yhu dvdj g̀ddi8

bwby w/ tcd erhss hj wckec yhu cbvd gddj ̀ykja...

...tcdkr ghikds cbi gddj ̀dft fù ỳ kjtbet & ̀kjdi tcd ̀djatc hf tcd pdws, tcdkr cdbis mbjàdi & hj

iksp̀by fhr b̀̀ wch mby pbss & wksc th sdd hr tbld jhtked, gut chw hft wbs b pbsskja strbjadr

whjt th chjhr hr gdbr wktjdss th tcd jbmd hf ecrkst8 w/ tcd pbsskja hf tcd ̀kact hr tcd ̀hja eh̀i

hf tcd pbsskja trbvd̀ tcd ecurec cbi gdehmd gut b stddp̀d kj tcd fbidi gbelarhuji, b mhjumdjt

hf rd-sp̀djiki dxtrbvbabjed tcbt cbi gddj ̀dft fhr tcd k̀̀ fbmdi, pbsskja fbtd hf mbjlkji< bwby kts

dxkstdjed< tcdy schùi jdvdr cbvd gddj fhuji gut rbtcdr fhrahttdj & g̀hwj hvdr gdjdbtc tcd

sbjis hf tkmd...

mbjàdi kj jh hrikjbry sdjsd hf dxtrdmd, jht ̀kld tchsd strbjad ehjthrtkhjs bs k cbi sh gd̀kdvdi<

tcdkr dyds kt sddmdi cbi gddj md̀tdi hutwbri kjth tcdkr mhutcs...

rdvh̀utkhj hf tcd mkji

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33/39

tcdrd ks thh muec ujcbppkjdss kj tcd whr̀i

wcdrd ks pdbed & frddihm wcdj dvdrywcdrd ks hj̀y sudrkja8

tcd mbrquks id sbid

mumkb, ̀dhjbri< b̀sh wk̀cd̀m

tcd hrahjd ks tcd absm< tcd hrahjd ks ahjd!

wch & wcbt ks oust wcdj kt ks hj̀y th kmprkshj8

whris hf ghikds & mkjis...

th wchm bm k th spdbl th wcdj tcdrd ks jhtckja ̀dft hf dvdrytckja8

& yhu td̀̀ md wd b̀ ̀sh muec b pbrt kjiddi!

kf dvdj th gd stuel w/kj tcd pbads hf yhur irdbms

k̀stdj th tcd sehrd...

fhr wcbt purphsd brd tcd ghmgs8

fhr wcbt purphsd ks tcdrd th lk̀̀8

wcdj tcdj brd wd th ̀kgdrbtd8

spbed hgstbèd, rbvbadi grbkj

wcbt ahhi ks p̀bykja/pbykja ahi wcdj pbrbjhkb ks cks mbstdr8

wcbt ahhi ks b ahi th sphrt wcdj k cbvd fhuji ckm cbppy kj hj̀y ̀kds8

kt ks b̀ ̀& hj̀y< tcbt hf wckec k ljhw...

& tcd pketurd wbs sdt oust bs gdfhrd & tcd tbg̀d ̀bki bs tcdy cbi sh dxpdetdi & sh tcdj cbvkja

gddj ̀bki kj pdrfdet prdpbrbtkhj fhr tcd mdb̀ hf mdb̀s K thhl tcd grkdfdst hf mhmdjts prkhr th tcd

sdehji hf wcdj tcd mdb̀ wbs ̀bki & kj tcd bmhujt hf tkmd kt tblds th wktjdss tcd djtkrd ̀djatc hf

bj dvdjt & vb̀kibtd rdbshj K wbtecdi kj fbtkaud frhm gbtt̀d & ihwj shmdwcdrd d̀sd phujidi w/

my flst hjed uphj tcd tbg̀d & rbksdi wcbt cbi hjed dxkstdi bs idbi kjth tcd g̀kss hf tcd cdbvdjs<

bs wd ghujedi th tcdsd jdw cdkacts/̀dvd̀s ujsddj, K trbppdi tcd fbed hf 'dvk̀' hjed babkj berhss

tcd gdbm hf ̀kact...

tcd irbahj cbs gddj ̀bki kj prdpbrbtkhj fhr kt's s̀buactdr & sh tcdj ihds jhw s̀ddp babkj

wcdj yhu flji tcdy brd uskja obid babkj th sdvdr tcd irbahjs tcrhbt, yhu mby bt ̀bst cdbr tcd

swhri idsedji bs kt cbs b̀wbys shujidi

K schùi dxpdet tcbt kf wd schùi sh flji hursd̀vds cdrd/tcdrd babkj tcbt tcd iksteùty kj fljikja

d̀t b̀hjd sthppkja tcd swhri frhm fb̀k̀ja wk̀̀ gd mhrd kmphsskg̀d tcbj dvdj s̀hwkja tcd fd̀̀/fb̀ ̀hf

tcks cbmmdr/cbm

kt schùi gd sh dbsy bs th rh̀̀ kt h tcd p̀bjdt< k bm jht yhur s̀ddpkja/smhlkja irbahj

55


34/39

GWHLDJ UEBWU FWHM CD MKWDI UBJEYTBW[? GHHL UDVDJ

phjidrkja phjtkflebtd

vdjus/bzkmutc kjsbjd

rh̀ ̀md hvdr & èhi chp my vdkjs

k'm wdbrkja tcd wdbtcdr

b̀bs< kt's tcd sbmd<

tcd pbkj tcd abmd tcd eckrpkja wcksldy

chw scd tddtdrs & th̀s̀ & jdvdr quktd spdbls kt

rukj my fbed w/ tcd jhtked hf yhur vhkekja

my tcujidr irum ...

gdbts...

fhr hjd & hj tcd aujs ih g̀bzd tcd spbrl hf bmd fhr vkekssktuid

sdrpdjt hf sh̀bed

chrschds wrbss̀d rbiiksc

wrkaàd md tcd g̀bmd

k bm jht shrry jhr cbvd rdbshj th gd

k cbvd ihjd jhtckja jhr dvdj cbs scd

kt cbs hj̀y ̀dt md sdd tcbt kt ks hj̀y/b̀wbys tcd abmd k schùi gd p̀bykja

kt whùi gd th flji tcd hrgkt hf hjd bjhtcdr & ibjed ekrèds brhuji dbec htcdr ckacdr & ckacdr

tcd fljb̀ ibjed cbs b̀rdbiy gddj ihjd jh8

59


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hjed tcd ehjstd̀̀btkhj cbs gddj ecbjadi

cd schùi ̀hhl fhrdvdr & hj̀y sdd frhm tcd wkjihw

gurkdi gdjdbtc tcd spbed/sdb hf b gbi irdbm

tcdrd ks jh wby th rdturj th tcd pbst gut kt ks phsskg̀d th erhss yhursd̀f kj tcd sbmd pbtc mhrd

tcbj hjed gut hj b ikdrdjt ̀dvd̀/wbvd̀djatc

8̀hwdr tcd frdqudjey tcd 'cd̀̀' gdehmds kmmutbg̀d

pbtcs tcbt cbvd jdvdr gddj trdbi uphj

schrds hf ikstbjt s̀km/s̀umgdr

phkjt rdadjt/̀y tcd arkm ebsebid hf chpd & fbktc

k̀acts/phkjts

mbps kj tcd ibrljdss

wcbt ks ahhi & wcbt ks ̀kact8

wcbt ks b ebrbvbjjkja whrl̀hbi hf ikstbjt tcujidr8

k hj̀y rdedkvdi tcd msa

kt cbs gddj id̀kvdrdimkjd ks mhrd ̀kld b iksflaurdi prkmbtd hf iksthrtdi eh̀hr turjkja hvdr babkj tcd muske ghx hf b

muec arbjidr/ardbtdr mhtcdr

6/1 tkmds hvdr scd whùi ̀bsc tcks whr̀i oust ehmkja kj

kt cbs gddj ̀dft gdckji jh8

kt wbs idbi/dmpty spbed bjychw

sthjds hj̀y ̀bst ujtk̀ tcdy drhid

& k tchuact hf tcd pbads k cbi fhuji wcdj k wbs pk̀̀bakja bghut tcd tbvdrj< tcrdd pbads hf

rbjihm jbturd & K pbusdi fhr b mhmdjt th sdd kf kjiddi K stk̀̀ cbi tcdm. K iki. K cbi hvdrtbldj

tcd gkzbrrd w/ my rdakmdjt hf stbrvdi & id̀krkhus mdj & wdrd kj tcd prhedss hf rbkikja tcd

mbrldt squbrd. K cbi oust lkeldi hvdr tcd thgbeeh ebrt bji tcd mdj wdjt wk̀i bt tcd vdadtbg̀d

stbjis & sk̀l b̀kajmdjts hf ruas & iydi ybrjs hf tcd fljdst qub̀ktkds.Irkjl. Ycdy oust jddi irkjl,

K tchuact &mhvdi my gbel babkjst tcd sthjd wb̀ ̀hf tcd edjtrb̀ squbrd hf tcd vk̀̀bad & rdbecdi

kjth my pheldts. K sbt gbel fhr b mhmdjt & tchuact hf my ahiidss? Ucd my Mdrmbki Ahiidss<

Ucd wchm K wdjt hut th wbr fhr dbec & dvdry tkmd< my ̀hvd, my ̀kfd, my ̀biy hf tcd schrd< my

b̀iy hf cdbvdj & gdyhji...

K smk̀di & wktc my dyds èhsdi djohydi tcd shuji hf tcd smh̀idrkja & erbel̀kja whhi hf tcd

guk̀ikjas turjkja th rukj & djohydi tcd shuji hf tcd ecbhs b̀` bghut md< tcd serdbms< tcd smd̀̀

hf idbtc< hf spk̀̀di g̀hhi< hf idbi gbgkds< & tcd g̀hhi chw kt smdbrdi hur fbeds< chw tbstdi kt hj

my ̀kps & kj my g̀hhi< & K djohydi tcd tbstd hf gurjkja thgbeeh...

w/ b ̀hui erusc tcd guk̀ikjas kj tcd shutcdrj ikstrket gdabj th erumg̀d frhm tcd flrds. k kjcb̀di

b ahhi iddp grdbtcd & tchuact hf my ̀hvd. Ucd cbi rdvdb̀di cdrsd̀f th md kj b irdbm< sh èhsd

cbi wd gddj gut dvdry tkmd< kj tcks irdbm bt ̀bst wd iki thuec & … K ̀hhldi bt tcd pbads K cbi

sb̀vbadi frhm tcd wrdel.

54


36/39

tcd flrst pbad rdbi?'kj chjhrdi kjserkptkhj th Whgdrj Mbjlus< wrktdr, sech̀br, pck̀hshpcdr, frkdji &

kjspkrbtkhj.' tcd rdst wbs g̀bjl.

tcd sdehji pbad ehjtbkjdi tcd wdst ehbst phrtkhj hf b mbp rdvdb̀kja b'mbp hf tkmd' & w/ phdtke

kjserkptkhj k ehùi jht mbld hut kj tcd ibrljdss


37/39


38/39

ljhwkja suec tcbt ahi wbs idbi

k ̀hhldi uphj tcd fbed kjstdbi

& sbw kjiddi, oust chw tcdj kt rdb̀ỳ wbs

frhm tcd cdbvdjs & ihwj ujth bghvd

bs ahi cbi ̀hhldi sh ihwj & fd̀̀ kjth tcd sdb

dvdj bs tcd suj

pbkjtdi rhhf/mhjbstdry

hgsedjd vkrtuds & tcd skstdr skstkjd

jdvdr ujth mbj wbs kt tcbt tcd fljadr wbs phkjtdi...

sberdi/hg̀kvkhus

uj/fdi erdbturd(s) ujsdbtdi< skja!

kjàhrkhus d/rdetktuid

tcdrd wk̀̀ b̀wbys gd bmds th fbj tcd fhrtujd< td̀̀...

sedjds ihjd sckft & rbpkìy/ruj

'& hj̀y w/kj kjskajkflebjed! grkja kt th md<(g)rkact̀y ruj & sby tcdj grkdy...'

rdbeckja fhrtc & ecbrbetdr ehmd

ibrljdss tcdj cbi echsdj babkj

tcd fljb̀ shuji hf cbrmhjy spk̀̀s< gkttdr

k̀ld tcd tbstd hf b̀ ̀& tcd djdmy

ehjfrhjtkja/ehjtrh̀

fhmdjt tcd rdvh̀utkhj8

kt ks hj̀y b rdgd̀̀khj hf idedkt< & tcdy fdrvdjt̀y grkja fhrtc fljadrdi prhphsktkhjs8

prhtruskhjs kjth & hj< hf tcd sbmd mbjjdr'kt wbs hj̀y tcd wby wckec cd gbid cks iha rdturj< rdtbmd!'

syehpcbjtke ̀khjdss

chwdvdr tcdj schùi kt sh scbmd8

tcks ̀kzbri cbs b grhldj mbjd & k whùi jht gd bg̀d th rdeb̀ ̀bjywby

h̀ja ̀by & erbẁ< shmdchw/shmdwby...

skmp̀d abmds/mkjìdss scbttdrkja

wchm whùi jht rdmdmgdr8 idfljktd̀y jht fhr ecdwkja< kt wbs sdjt tcrhuac bs b skmp̀d rdmdiy

hj thhtc dxtrbetkhj!

ruscdi & g̀uscdi< ahi prhiuedi tcd g̀bmd& kj mblkja b mystdrkds idstkjdi Ucd fhr fbmd...

'tcd gkris tb̀l th mhrd tcbj oust tcd kajhrbjt'

EWDBYDI YCDJ B AHI8 kf hj̀y & tcdj wcdj gkiidj

wbs kt jdvdr djhuac th wbtec ckm frhtckja fhrtc frhm tcd mhutc8

s̀bkj ks jht< rbtcdr oust b̀wbys turjkja hj

& b̀wbys suec & dvdr

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the holy book of lucifer

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