The History and Records of the Elephant Club
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Title: The History and Records of the Elephant Club
Author: Knight Russ Ockside and Q. K. Philander Doesticks
Release Date: May 7, 2010 [eBook #32274]
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE HISTORY AND RECORDS OF THE ELEPHANT CLUB***
E-text prepared by Bryan Ness, Graeme Mackreth,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
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HISTORY AND RECORDS
COMPILED FROM AUTHENTIC DOCUMENTS
NOW IN POSSESSION OF THE
Knight Russ Ockside, M.D.,
Q.K. Philander Doesticks, P.B.
Livermore & Rudd, Publishers,
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1836, by
LIVERMORE & RUDD,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the
Southern District of New York.
W.H. TINSON, STEREOTYPER.
GEO. RUSSELL & CO., PRINTERS,
61 Beekman-Street, N.Y.
THIS IS THE VERITABLE AND VERACIOUS HISTORY OF THE DOINGS
AND MISDOINGS OF THE MEMBERS OF
THE ELEPHANT CLUB.
WITH A MINUTE AND PARTICULAR NARRATIVE OF WHAT THEY DID;
TO WHICH IS ADDED A COMPLEX AND ELABORATE DESCRIPTION OF WHAT THEY DIDN'T.
CONTAINING ALSO THE EXULTANT RECORD OF THEIR
MEMORABLE SUCCESS IN EVENTUALLY OBTAINING, EACH AND EVERY
ONE, A SIGHT OF THE ENTIRE AND UNADULTERATED
FROM THE PRIMITIVE HAIR ON HIS ATTENUATED PROBOSCIS, TO THE
LAST KINK OF HIS SYMMETRICAL TAIL.
KNIGHT RUSS OCKSIDE, M.D.,
Q.K. PHILANDER DOESTICKS, P.B.
This book has been written by the Authors, and printed by thePublishers, in the hope that it may be purchased by the Public. If itproves to be a failure, the responsibility must rest with the People whodon't buy it.
HOW THEY MET.
What there wasn'tWhat there wasA fancied recognitionSingularcoincidencesPreamble and resolutionA third partyA fourthpartyAccusation of petty larcenySatisfactory explanationSpiritsin the closetA mysterious letterAlarm of BoggsMore mysteryAmurder anticipatedThe reason whyA perplexing predicamentAphilanthropist discoveredA general embraceAn astonishingstatement
HOW THE CLUB ORGANIZED.
The second meetingA learned dissertationA documentRulesPreliminaryspeeches and criticismsOrder of businessAn electionCongratulationsThe dinner
THE ELEPHANTINE DEN.
Its locationThe furniture and its arrangementsA sentinelelectedPunishment for intrusionResolutions adopted
FIRST DISCOVERIES OF THE CLUB.
A new characterA glimpse at the animalA tall talkerAproposalDiscovery of a group of street-statuaryA pistol-galleryBowling-alleyThe oriental elephantNovel pipesOrientalexperienceA member frightenedA new characterPlayingTurkCeremony of initiationArt in conchologyAstonishment ofJohnny CakeEngine No. 32.The rope breaksHose 2438TheraceMixed-up spectacleA general row after the fightThe Clubresolved
FIRST EVENING WITH THE CLUB.
Preliminary proceedingsBobington Thomas confesses his professionThomasand his dogsNew York dog-poundThomas accepts silverMr.James George BoggsJohnny Cake's railroad experienceA malignantconductorA passenger singsA second passenger wakes and joins inthe chorusSong interrupted by an accidentResults of the accidentTrainin motionThe song finishedJohnny Cake's abstinenceFirstexperience in GothamCurious coincidentWagstaff's note bookTheelephant seenMembers initiated
THE COLORED CAMP MEETING.
A dense smokeResolutions, preparationsThe journeyQueer specimensof ReligionCorn whiskyEffects of a hymnReturn to Gotham
Order enforcedBoggs practises the art of self-defenceSuccessful fightwith the stoveUnsuccessful fight with the niggerQuackenbush keeps latehoursDeacon Pettingill on a benderIs taken to a gambling-houseLoansand loses ten dollarsPersecution of a corner grocery-manAgunpowder plotMore of the Dutchman's troublesCousin BetsyLove,pride and povertyMr. Buxton and the niggerShanghae coatA gratuitousbaptismConflict between Buxton and the darkey
THE CLUB IN AN UPROAR.
South-ferry stagesBeginning of mishapsThe militaryThe Lager BierInvinciblesThe fat gentlemanOld maid faintsBattle of BroadwayAnIrish funeral processionOne cent shortThe journey's endOverdale'sjugglingJohnny Cake drunkAn examination of Johnny's companionHowhe lived
JOHNNY CAKE'S FIRST SPREE.
Johnny's fallHe goes into the BoweryAn artistic barkeeperThe flyAKansas officialJohnny Cake's delusionA Chatham street auctionJohnny'ssensationThe gift enterpriseDropper's dream and hopes ofsuccessThe realizationWho didn't win
THE POLICE COURTS.
Visit to Essex MarketPeculiarities of Edward BobberPalmerston hookthe eel-catcherThe poet in LimboWarbles moralisesA GermanwitnessThe oathDisturbed by catsMysterious caterwaulingsThe mysteryexplainedBad liquorA Tombs lawyerHis retainerAn IrishwakeAn eccentric corpseA free fightThe corpse in courtThe caseconcludedTimothy MulrooneyMichael's virtuesTimothy's catMr.BlobbA knowing officerOld Dog TrayBlobb dischargedQuackenbushconfessesQuackenbush forgiven
THE HAMLET NIGHT.
Attempt to swindle the darling publicThe ghostA small Hamlet andlarge QueenThe ghost in an overcoatThe death sceneOverdale'sideasAn unappreciative boyInconsistenciesClockwork legsAcomplicated case
MRS. THROUGHBY DAYLIGHT'S FANCY DRESS JAM.
A complicated caseMr. Spout's offerDropper bewilderedSpout expatiatesupon the genius of BrownThe Turk and ChoctawThe fancy dress jamTheElephants at the fancy dress jamThe result
The club in dangerResolutionsThe records of the clubTheircompilationThe last of the Elephant Club
[Enter with a Flourish of Trumpets.]
THERE were no two horses to be seen winding along the base of aprecipitous hill; and there were no dark-looking riders on thosehorses which[Pg 12] were not to be seen; and it wasn't at the close of adusky autumn evening; and the setting sun didn't gild, with hisdeparting rays, the steep summit of the mountain tops; and the gloomycry of the owl was not to be heard from the depths of a neighboringforestfirst, because there wasn't any neighboring forest, and,second, because the owl was in better business, having, some hoursbefore, gone to bed, it now being broad daylight. The mountain tops, thelofty summits, the inaccessible precipices, the precipitous descents,the descending inaccessibilities, and the usual quantity ofinsurmountable landscape, which forms the stereotyped opening to popularromances, is here omitted by particular request.
The time and place to which the unfortunate reader's attention isparticularly called, are four o'clock of a melting afternoon in August,and a labyrinth of bricks and mortar, yclept Gotham. The majority of theinhabitants of the aforesaid place, at the identical time hereinreferred to, were perspiring; others were sweltering; still others weremelting down into their boots, and the remainder were dying fromsun-stroke.
At this time, a young gentleman seated himself behind the front windowof the reading and smoking-room of the Shanghae Hotel, in Broadway. The[Pg 13]chair he occupied was capacious, and had been contrived originally, byingenious mechanics, for the purpose of inducing laziness. The gentlemanhad taken possession of this article of furniture for the double purposeof resting himself from the fatigues of a month's inactivity, and alsosecuring a position where he could see the ladies pass and repass, inhopes that the sight might dispel the dull monotony of a hotel life inthe city, during summer. On this occasion, to secure additional ease,the individual had adopted the American attitude of raising his feet toa level with his head, by placing them upon a cast-iron fender behindthe windowan attitude, by the way, not particularly characterized byits classic grace.
There was nothing remarkable in the dress of the person to whom we havealluded. He was evidently a victim to the popular insanity of conformingto fashion. So strictly were his garments cut and made in accordancewith the prevailing style, no one could doubt for a moment that thetaste, or want of taste, manifested in his dress, was not his own, butthe tailor's. In his hand he held a small cane, with which he amusedhimself, first, by biting the ivory head, then by making it turnsummer-[Pg 14]saults through the fingers of his right hand, after the mannerin which Hibernians are supposed to exercise their shillelahs.
Whether the activity in the streets, the appearance of the ladies withevery variety of dress, or the gymnastic eccentricities of his cane,were particularly entertaining, is very questionable; certain it is,that the expressi