the hindu ideal of marriage - saund.orgthe hindu ideal of marriage strong sexual passion which has...

CHAPTER II

THE HINDU IDEAL OF MARRIAGE

I IRRESPONSIBLE writers have discussed the marriagesystem of India in so irrational and inaccurate amanner that the name India has become, in the mind

of the westerner, synonymous with child marriage .These writers have tried to show that child marriageis the result of a law of the Hindu religion, which,according to them, strictly enjoins the parents to en-force the marriage of their daughters at a tender ageunder penalty of heavenly vengeance . They say thatthe law enjoins that girls shall be married before theage of puberty, and, as a result, the majority of Hindugirls become mothers nine months after reaching pu-berty. One such writer* picks a few lines from theHindu poet Tagore's essay in Keyserling's Book o fMarriage, and, mutilating its text by clever omissions,misquotes it to prove the poet a defender of childmarriage. This unholy attempt of the author to mis-represent the noted poet and philosopher deservesstrong censure . In this chapter we shall discuss thefacts about marriage in India and its allied subjectof child marriage .

The Hindu religion strictly forbids child marriage .The following quotation from the Rig Veda explainsthe ideal of marriage

"Woman is to be man's comrade in life, hisSakhi, with the same range of knowledge and in-

* Katherine Mayo .[ 36 ]


terests, mature in body, mind and understanding,able to enter into a purposeful union on equalterms with a man of equal status, as life partner,of her own free choice, both dedicating their life-work as service to the divine Lord of the Universe,both ready to fulfil the purpose of married lifefrom the day of marriage onward ." :"The western method of marriage through courtship

is, however, not the rule in India. Though the court-ship method is being widely copied among the educatedclasses in the country, the prevailing custom of mar-riage is still through the choice of parents . In earliertimes marriage by the Svayambara system, in whichthe maiden freely selected her future mate from agroup of suitors, was commonly practised . This prac-tice was discontinued, however, with the invasion ofIndia by the foreigners because of the desire of theIndians to keep the pure Aryan stock uncontaminatedby foreign blood . Since that time the boys and girlsare mated through the choice of their parents . Thiscustom may be defended on wide social and eugenicgrounds . The contention is that the complete domi-nance of sentiment and individual desire in the court-ship method of marriage, is harmful to social discipline,and is, as a rule, detrimental to the race . Marriageis a sacred bond and must be based on an ideal of thespiritual union of the souls, and not on the lower de-sires for sense pleasures .

In order to enable the reader to understand fullythe principles underlying Hindu marriage it will benecessary to acquaint him with the fundamental char-

* Quoted from Cousins-Awakening of Asian Womanhood,page 40 .

[ 371

MY MOTHER INDIA

acteristics which form the basis of the social struc-ture of group life in India . One distinctive feature inthe study of India is the collective character of its com-munal life . Hindu society was established on a basisof group morality. Society was divided into differentclasses or communities ; "and while no absolute ethicalcode was held binding on all classes alike, yet withina given class (or caste) the freedom of the individualmust be subordinated to the interest of the group . Theconcept of duty was paramount ."* Social purpose mustbe served first, and the social order was placed beforethe happiness of the individual, whether mean orwoman.

In India the origin of marriage did not lie in passion .Marriage was entered into, not to satisfy desire onthe part of either man or woman, but to fulfill a pur-pose in life . It was the duty of every individual dur-ing life to marry and propagate for the continua-tion of the race. His marital union did not dependupon the caprice of his will ; it was required of him asa social obligation . No individual's life was consideredcomplete without an offspring. To both man andwoman marriage was the most conclusive of all in-cidents in life ; it was the fulfillment of one's wholebeing. Marriage was not sought as the satisfaction ofhuman feelings but as "the fulfilment of a ritual dutyto the family in its relation to the Divine Spirit ." "Thehappiness and fruition of family life were sought notiii the tumults of passion, but in the calm and orderedaffection of a disciplined and worshipful pair ." That

* Coomaraswamy.[ 381


strong sexual passion which has been so beautifullysanctified by the grace of poetry and hallowed by thename of romantic love, and which is the source of im-mense force and power in many a young life in theWest, is called by the Hindu idealist "an earthly desireand an illusion."

Love as an expression of sentiment is transitory .People who once fall in love may after some time andfor similar reasons fall out of love . Hence if the idealbasis for the union of the sexes is to be mutual pas-sion, an arrangement must be provided so that simulta-neously with a break in the fascination on either side,the marriage between the parties shall come to an end .Yet under the existing conditions over the entire civil-ized world it would not be possible to make the mar-riage laws as lax as that . So long as such an arrange-ment remains untried, and so long as there is any truthin the statement that human hearts are to a high de-gree fickle, it must follow that successful marriagesshould have other sources of lasting satisfaction thanromantic love. On observation, we find that most mar-riages, which were entered into on the strict principleof mutual love, hold together from habit, from con-siderations of prudence, and from duty towards chil-dren long after lovers' joy has totally disappeared fromthe lives of the couple. The glimmer of first love verysoon fades into nothingness. Closer acquaintancebrings to light faults which the lover's eyes in days ofromance had stubbornly refused to see. Unless theparties are possessed of sensitive souls, unless after aserious search for a foothold they find a basis of com-mon interest and common hobbies, and unless their

[ 39 ]

MY MOTHER INDIA

mutuality of temperament is found adequate for friend-ship, there is left for their future relationships nohappiness. Why, then, excite one's imagination in thebeginning, and permit oneself to be deluded by suchobviously foolish hopes?

The Hindu system of marriage reverses these con-siderations . There, marriage is a form of vocation, afulfillment of a social duty, it is not the enjoyment ofindividual rights . In its ethics, designed for the com-munal basis of life, individual desire and pleasuresmust be subordinated to the interest of group moral-ity. "Thus the social order is placed before the happi-ness of the individual, whether man or woman . Thisis the explanation of the greater peace which distin-guishes the arranged marriage of the East from theself-chosen marriage of the West ; where there is nodeception there can be no disappointment ."

In this manner the champions of the system justifythe Indian method of marriage, in which marriagesare arranged by the parents or relatives . But, how-ever ably its partisans may defend the old system, andin whatever glowing colors they may exhibit its spir-itual values, it must go sooner or later . With chang-ing times the ideals that govern Indian society havechanged also. Men and women of the present day aredemanding their individual freedom after the fashionof their brothers and sisters in the West. Rightly orwrongly, they feel a desire to express themselves ac-cording to the spontaneous dictates of the heart . Si-multaneously with the industrialization of the country

* Coomaraswamy-Dance of Siva, page 88 .[40]


the restraints put upon the individual from outsidethrough the medium of social and religious laws arefast disappearing . The younger generation of theIndian nation appears more concerned for rights thanfor duties .

Those who care may lament over the past, but weshall welcome the change with joy, because it bringsnew light and new hope into the stereotyped and setsystem of Indian life . Marriage in human society isafter all nothing but a plunge into the unknown oceanof the future . Its ultimate outcome alone can tellwhether the entrants were destined to sink or swim .Marriage has been a lottery in the past, and it will re-main so in the future, unless our lives are so modulat-ed as to give to the forces of the spirit a larger and afreer scope. It is impious blasphemy to seek to stiflethe celestial senses, instead of guiding and harmonizingthem. It is hoped, however, that in their new role asimitators of the West, men of India will not changetheir attitude of tenderness, confidence, respect, anddelicacy towards the female sex ; and that the womenof India will retain the calmness and dignity of theirattitude, the self-respect and poise of their inner life .

All classes in India idolize motherhood . Among nopeople in the world are mothers more loved, honored,and obeyed than among Indians . It might be inter-esting to point out that a pregnant woman in India hasnothing of which to be ashamed or which she wishesto hide. She is considered auspicious and must be ac-corded high respect and consideration . We sometimes

* Tagore .[ 41 ]

MY MOTHER INDIA

believe that the East Indian's high good humor andcalm in life are the fruits of the Indian mother's un-usual cheer and hope during the period of pregnancy .How unlike the attitude of the Indian is to the west-erner's silly notions of beauty, fine shape, and gracewherein pregnancy is made an object of more or lessopen ridicule. Would that the women of America andother western countries would forsake their restless-ness and nervousness and learn from their humblereastern sisters the art of possessing poise, composure,and serenity ! Would that they would imitate the east-ern mother's delicate benevolence, generosity of heart,loftiness of mind, and independence and pride of char-acter!

This subject of marriage is so important a matterto India that we desire to elucidate still further theideals underlying it . We shall quote at length fromKeyserling's Book o f Marridge an essay by Tagore,than whom no one is better fitted to speak . SaysTagore :

"Another way for the better understandingby the European of the mentality underlying ourmarriage system would be by reference to the dis-cussions on eugenics which are a feature of mod-ern Europe . The science of eugenics, like allother sciences, attaches but little weight to per-sonal sentiment . According to it, selection bypersonal inclination must be rigorously regulatedfor the sake of the progeny . If the principle in-volved be once admitted, marriage needs must berescued from the control of the heart, and broughtunder the province of the intellect ; otherwise in-soluble problems will keep on arising, for passion

[42]


reeks not of consequences, nor brooks interfer-ence by outside judges .

"Here the question arises : If desire be ban-ished from the very threshold of marriage, howcan love find any place in the wedded life? Thosewho, have no true acquaintance with our country,and whose marriage system is entirely different,take it for granted that the Hindu marriage isloveless. But do we not know of our own knowl-edge how false is such a conclusion?

" . . Therefore, from their earliest years,the husband as an idea is held up before our girls,in verse and poetry, through ceremonial and wor-ship. When at length they get this husband, he isto them not a person but a principle, like loyalty,patriotism, or such other abstractions which owetheir immense strength to the fact that the bestpart of them is our own creation and thereforepart of our own being ."The poet then offers his own personal contribution

to the discussion of the marriage question generallyand concludes thus

"This shakti, this joy-giving power of womanas the beloved, has up to now largely been dissi-pated by the greed of man, who has sought to useit for the purposes of his individual enjoyment,corrupting it, confining it, like his property, with-in jealously guarded limit . That has also obstruct-ed for woman herself her inward realization of thefull glory of her own shakti . Her personality hasbeen insulted at every turn by being made to dis-play its power of delectation within a circum-scribed arena. It is because she has not found hertrue place in the great world that she sometimestries to capture man's special estate as a desper-ate means of coming into her own . But it is notby coming out of her home that woman can gain

[43]

MY MOTHER INDIA

her liberty . Her liberation can only be effectedin a society where her true shakti, her ananda(joy) is given the widest and highest scope for itsactivity. Man has already achieved the means ofself-expansion in public activity without givingup his individual concerns . When, likewise, anysociety shall be able to offer a larger field for thecreative work of woman's special faculty, with-out detracting from her creative work in thehome, then in such society will the true union ofman and woman become possible .

"The marriage system all over the world, fromthe earliest ages till now, is a barrier in the wayof such true union . That is why woman's shakti,in all existing societies, is so shamefully wastedand corrupted. That is why in every countrymarriage is still more or less of a prison-housefor the confinement of women-with all itsguards wearing the badge of the dominant male .That is why man, by dint of his efforts to bindwoman, has made her the strongest of fetters forhis own bondage. That is why woman is debarredfrom adding to the spiritual wealth of society bythe perfection of her own nature, and all humansocieties are weighed down with the burden of theresulting poverty .

"The civilization of man has not, up to now,loyally recognized the reign of the spirit. There-fore the married state is still one of the mostfruitful sources of the unhappiness and downfallof man, of his disgrace and humiliation. Butthose who believe that society is a manifestationof the spirit will assuredly not rest in their en-deavors till they have rescued human marriage re-lations from outrage by the brute forces of so-ciety-till they have thereby given free play tothe force of love in all the concerns of humanity ."

[44]


Such is the Hindu poet's explanation of the idealsunderlying the institution of marriage in the communalsociety of the Hindus. One feels through his closinglines the poet's sorrow at the sight of the miserycaused by a wrong conception of marriage throughoutthe civilized world. The poet cherishes, however, thefond hope that a day of the reign of spirit will dawnover the world, when mankind will recognize the neces-sity of giving to the forces of love a free play in thewide concerns of life .

Marriage in India involves two separate ceremonies .The first ceremony is the more elaborate, and judgingfrom the permanent character of its obligations, themore important. It is performed amid much festivityand show. The bridal party, consisting of the bride-groom with his chief relatives and friends, goes to thebride's home in an elaborate musical procession . Therethe party is handsomely feasted as guests of the bridefor one or more days, according to the means of thehost. The groom furnishes the entertainment, whichconsists of music, acrobatic dancing, jugglers' tricks,fireworks, and so forth . The day is spent in simple out-door amusements like hunting, horseback riding, swim-ming, or gymnastic plays, the nature of the sport de-pending upon the surroundings . In the evening, by thelight of the fireworks, and in the midst of a largecrowd of near relatives and spectators, the ceremonyof the "union," namely, the spiritual unification of thenear relatives of the bride and the bridegroom, isstaged in a highly picturesque manner. In order oftheir relation to the bride and groom-father of thebride with the father of the bridegroom, first uncle of

[45]

MY MOTHER INDIA

the one with the first uncle of the other, and so forth---the near relatives of the future couple embrace each

other and exchange head-dresses as a symbol of eternalfriendship . Each such pledge of friendship is beauti-fully harmonized with a song and a blessing from thedaughters of the village . Later in the evening, thegirls lead the guests to the bridal feast, singing inchorus on their march the "Welcome Home ."

Marriage in the Indian home is thus an occasion ofgreat rejoicing . The atmosphere that prevails through-out the entire ceremony is one of extreme wholesome-ness and joy. Nothing could surpass the loveliness andcharm that surrounds the evening march to the bridalfeast. The pretty maidens of the village, who are con-scious of their dignity as personifications of the Deityand are inspired with a devoted love for their sisterbride, come in their gay festival dresses, with mingledfeelings of pride and modesty, to lead the processionwith a song ; their eyes moistened with slowly gather-ing tears of deep and chaste emotion, and their faceswrapped in ever changing blushes, give to the wholepicture a distinctive flavor of an inspiring nature . Onthe following morning the couple are united in mar-riage by the officiating priest, who reads from the scrip-tures while the husband and wife pace together theseven steps . The vow of equal comradeship which istaken by both the husband and the wife on this occa-sion reads thus

"Become thou my partner, as thou hast pacedall the seven steps with me . . . . Apart fromthee I cannot live. Apart from me do thou notlive. We shall live together ; we each shall be an

[ 46 ]


object of love to the other ; we shall be a sourceof joy each unto the other ; with mutual good-will shall we live together ."The marriage ceremony being over, the bridal party

departs with the bride for the bridegroom's home . Onthis first trip the bride is accompanied by a maid, andthe two return home together after an overnight's stay .The bride then remains at her parental home until theperformance of the second ceremony. The intervalbetween the two ceremonies varies from a few daysto several years, depending mainly upon the ages ofthe married couple and the husband's ability to supporta home.

This dual ceremonial has been the cause of a greatdeal of confusion in the western mind . To all appear-ances the first ceremony is the more important as it istermed marriage . After it the bride begins to dressand behave like a married woman, but the couple donot begin to live together until the second ceremonyhas also been performed, and these two acts may beseparated from each other by a considerably longperiod . In other words the so-called marriage of theHindu girl is nothing but "an indefeasible betrothal inthe western sense." The custom of early marriage (orbetrothal, to be more exact) has existed in some partsof the country from earlier times, but it became morecommon during the period of the Mohammedan inva-sions into India . These foreign invaders were in thehabit of forcibly converting to Islam the beautifulHindu maidens, whom they later married . But no de-

* Quoted from Cousins-The Awakening of Asian Woman-hood, page 38 .

[47]

MY MOTHER INDIA

vout Mohammedan ever injures or thinks evil towardsa married woman. His religion strictly forbids suchpractice . Thus, to safeguard the honor of their youngdaughters the Hindus adopted this custom of earlymarriage .

The girl's marriage, however, makes no change inher life . She continues to live with her parents as be-fore, and is there taught under her mother's supervi-sion the elementary duties of a household . She is in-structed at the same time in other matters concerninga woman's life. When she becomes of an age to takeupon herself the responsibilities of married life, thesecond marriage ceremony is finished and she departsfor her new home.

It is true that the standard of education amongEast Indian women as compared with that of othercountries is appallingly low . We shall leave the dis-cussion of the various political factors which have con-tributed to this deplorable state of things for a laterchapter. For the present it will be sufficient to pointout that even though the Indian girl is illiterate andunable to read and write, she is not uninstructed or un-informed in the proper sense of the word education .

She knows how to cook, to sew, to embroider, andto do every other kind of household work. She is fullyinformed concerning matters of hygiene and sex. Inmatters intellectual her mind is developed to the extentthat "she understands thoroughly the various tenets ofher religion and is quite familiar with Hindu legendsand the subject matter in the epic literature of India."

My mother was the daughter of a village carpenter .She was brought up in the village under the exclusive

[ 48 ]


guidance of her mother and did not have any schooleducation. Mother, in her turn, has reared seven chil-dren who have all grown to be perfectly healthy andnormal boys and girls . Even though we could easilyafford a family doctor, we never had one . Motherseemed to know so much about hygienic and medicalscience that she did not need a doctor . Her littleknowledge she had acquired from her own mother ; itconsisted of a few simple rules, which she observedvery faithfully. As little children, we were required toclean our teeth with a fresh twig, to be individuallychewed into a brush, every morning before breakfast,and to wash the mouth thoroughly with water aftereach meal. For the morning teeth cleaning we weresupplied with twigs from a special kind of tree whichleaves in the mouth a very pleasant taste and containsjuices of a beneficial nature . Also, chewing a smalltwig every morning gives good exercise to the teethand furnishes the advantage of a new brush each time .We were told that dirty teeth were unmannerly andhurt a person's eyesight and general heath . A coldwater bath once a day and washing of both hands be-fore and after each meal were other fundamental re-quirements.

For every kind of family sickness, whether it wasa headache, a fever, a cold in the head, or a bad cough,the prescription was always the same . A mixture ofsimple herbs was boiled in water and given to thepatient for drinking. Its only effect was a motion ofthe bowels . It was not a purgative, but had very mildand wholesome laxative properties without any afterreactions. Fasting during sickness was highly recom-

[ 49 ]

MY MOTHER INDIA

mended . In nearly every month occurred some specialfestival day on which the whole family fasted . Thisfast had a purifying effect on the systems of growingchildren . As another precautionary measure, mymother prepared for the children, every winter, a spe-cial kind of preserve from a bitter variety of blackbeans, which is supposed to possess powerful blood-purifying properties . With the exception of quinineduring malarial epidemics, we were never given anydrugs whatsoever . These simple medicines, combinedwith a fresh vegetable diet for every day in the year,constituted my mother's only safeguards againstfamily sickness. And from my knowledge I know thather system worked miraculously well .

During pregnancy it is customary to surround theyoung girl with every precaution . She returns to herparental home in order to secure freedom from sexualintercourse during that period . In the months beforemy eldest sister bore her first child, I remember howshe was instructed not to permit herself to be excitedin any way . Pictures of the ideal wife, Sita, and of na-tional heroes and heroines were hung all over the housefor my sister to look at and admire . She was freedfrom all household responsibilities in order that shecould devote her time to reading good stories fromthe Hindu epics . Every kind of irritant, like pepperand spices, was rigidly excluded from her diet, andafter the child was born she refrained from injudiciouscombinations of food until the child was a year ormore old .

Every night at bedtime my mother had a new storyto tell the children, a story which she herself had heard

[ 50 ]


at bedtime when she was young . These stories weredrawn from the great Hindu epics, and there was al-ways a useful maxim connected with them . The talewas told to bring home to the growing children somemoral maxim like truthfulness, fidelity to a pledge oncegiven, conjugal happiness, and respect for parents . Inthis manner the children in the most ignorant homesbecome familiar with the ethical teachings of theirnation and with the hypotheses underlying their re-spective religions. Almost everyone in India down tothe most ignorant countrywoman understands thesubtle meaning of such intricate Hindu doctrines as thelaws of Karma, the theory of reincarnation, and thephilosophy of Maya.

As was stated earlier in this chapter, much misin-formation about the so-called child marriage has beenspread by ignorant missionaries, and has been eagerlyswallowed by most western readers . It may be well toobserve here that the two expressions "child marriage"and "early marriage" are very widely apart in meaning .The psychological impressions conveyed by the two ex-pressions are distinctly different . If the first ceremonyof the Hindu marriage is to be taken as meaning mar-riage, what is practised in India perhaps more thananywhere else in the world is early marriage and notchild marriage. Even at that, early marriage is essen-tially wrong in principle . Its usefulness in earliertimes, when it was first recommended by the Hindulawgivers as a necessary measure to preserve the com-munal life of the nation, cannot be denied .

Like many other laws of those times, it has outlivedits usefulness, and through the influence of many cor-

[51]

MY MOTHER INDIA

ruptions which have been added to the practice duringages, it has become a curse to the country . This factis frankly admitted by the leaders of modern India . Inthe writings and speeches of the most prominent amongthem the custom of early marriage has been con-demned as a "deadly vermin in Hindu social life," anda "ghastly form of injustice ." Beginning with the daysof the eminent Hindu reformer Raja Ram Mohan Roy,the whole literature of social and religious reform inIndia is full of loud and emphatic denunciations ofearly marriage.

As a result of the untiring, self-sacrificing effortsof Hindu reformers a great measure of success has al-ready been achieved . The Hindu girl's age of marriagehas been steadily increasing during the last fifty years .According to figures from the official Census Report ofIndia (1921) only 399 out of every 1000 girls weremarried at the end of their fifteenth year . In otherwords, 60 per cent of Indian girls remained unmarriedat the beginning of their sixteenth year . Moreover, inthe official records of India every girl who has passedthrough the first ceremony of her marriage is includedin the married class . If we allow a little further con-cession on account of the warmer climate of India,which has the tendency to lower the age of maturityin girls, we shall concede that the present conditions inIndia in respect to early marriage are not strikinglydifferent from those in most European countries . Atthe same time it must not be forgotten that in Indiasex life begins invariably after marriage, and neverbefore marriage . Those familiar with the conditions

V

[52]


in the western countries know that such is not alwaysthe rule there .

One evening the writer was talking in rather favor-able terms to a small group of friends about the Hindusystem of marriage . While several nodded their habit-ual, matter-of-fact, courteous assent, one young lady(Dorothy), a classmate and an intimate friend, sudden-ly said in an impatient tone, "This is all very foolish .By using those sweet expressions in connection withthe Hindu family life you do not mean to tell me thatmarriage between two strangers, who have never metin life before, or known each other, can be ever happyor just . `Felicity,' `peace,' `harmony,' `wedded love,'`idealization of the husband'-this is all bunk. Thatyou should approve the blindfold yoking together forlife of innocent children in indefeasible marriage, isoutrageous. The system is shocking ; it is a sin againstdecency. It is war against the most sacred of humaninstincts and emotions, and as such I shall condemn itas criminal and uncivilized ." Yet the young lady wasin no sense of the word unsympathetic or unfriendlyto India. She is, and has always been, a great friendand admirer of India .

Dorothy is not much of a thinker, but she is veryliberal and likes to be called a radical. You could dis-cuss with her any subject whatsoever, even Free Loveand Birth Control, with perfect ease and lack of re-straint. She is twenty-five years of age and unmarried.She has been "in love" several times, but for one rea-son or the other she has not yet found her ideal man .She would not tell this to everybody, but to one of herboy friends, "whose big blue eyes had poetic inspira-

[53]

MY MOTHER INDIA

tion in them," and who seemed to be fine and good andtrue in every way, better than the best she had evermet before, and whom she loved quite genuinely, shehad given herself completely on one occasion. Thishappened during a week-end trip to the mountains,and was the first and last of her sexual experience .She said it was the moral as well as the physical feastof her life . Later she saw him flirting in a doubtfulmanner with a coarse Spanish girl, which made himloathsome in her eyes . Gradually her love for him be-gan to dwindle, until it died off completely, leaving be-hind, however, a deep mortal scar in her spiritual na-ture. For a period, Dorothy thought she could neverlove any man again, until she began to admire a youngcollege instructor in a mild fashion . He is, however,"so kind and intelligent and different from the rest,"with a fine physique and handsome face-his powerfulforehead setting so beautifully against his thick curlyhair-that she calls magnificent. It matters little thathe is married, because she writes him the most en-chanting letters. Dorothy's love for the handsome pro-fessor is platonic . She says it will exist forever, eventhough she entertains no hope of ever marrying him.Yet while she talked about her latest "ideal," a streamof tears gathered slowly in her big luminous eyes .They were the tears of hopeless resignation . Dorothyis beautiful, and possesses rare grace and charm ofboth body and mind . She is well situated in the busi-ness world, and is not in want of men admirers . Butyet she is unhappy, extremely unhappy . She has hadthe freedom, but no training to make proper use ofit. While she was still in her early teens she started

[54]


going on picnic parties with different boys . Under theimpulse of youthful passion she learned to kiss anyone and every one in an indiscriminate fashion . Thisdestroyed the sanctity of her own moral and spiritualnature, and also killed, at the same time, her respectfor the male sex . Sacredness of sex and respect forman being thus destroyed in her early years, she couldnot easily find an ideal husband in later life. If shehad been a stupid creature with no imagination and nodeep finer feelings she would have fallen suddenly inlove anywhere-there to pass the rest of her humdrumand joyless existence in an everlasting stupor . SurelyDorothy did not remember her own tragedy when shecondemned the lot of the Hindu girls in such vehementmanner . Vanity is an ugly fault, yet it gives greatpleasure .

Unlike India, where from their very childhood girlsare initiated into matters of sex, and where the ideal ofacquiring a husband and a family is kept before theirminds from the beginning, American boys and girlsare brought up in utter ignorance of every thing per-taining to sex. Sex is considered as something unclean,filthy, and nauseous, and so unworthy of the attentionand thought of young children. And yet there is nocountry in the world where sex is kept more prominent-ly before the public eye in every walk of daily life thanin America . The first impression which a strangerlanding in America gets is of the predominance of sexin its daily life . The desire of the American womanto show her figure to what Americans call "the coarseeye of man," expresses itself in short skirts and tightdresses. "American movies are made with no other

[55]

MY MOTHER INDIA

purpose in view than to emphasize sex." A college pro-fessor was recently told by one of the six biggest di-rectors of motion pictures in Hollywood, throughwhose hands passed a business amounting to millionsof dollars, that in making a motion picture sex mustconstantly be borne in mind . The story must be basedon that knowledge, scenes selected with this view, andthe plot executed with that thought in mind . Vaude-ville shows, one of America's national amusements, arenothing but a suggestive display of the beautiful legsof young girls, who appear on the stage scantilydressed and touch their foreheads with the toes in ahighly suggestive manner.

The writer was told by an elderly American ladythat the American national dances had a deep religiousconnotation. A spiritual thought may exist behindAmerican music, and its effect on the American youthmay be quite uplifting, but certainly such dances as theone called "Button shining dance," in which a speciallyclose posture is necessary, was invented with no highspiritual end in view . A wholesale public display ofbare legs to the hips, and a close view of the rest oftheir bodies in tight bathing suits may be seen on thenational beaches . Young couples lie on the sands inpublic view closely locked in seemingly everlastingembraces .

While all this may be very pure, innocent, harm-less, and even uplifting in its hidden nature, its out-ward and more prevalent character indicates an al

most vicious result of the ideal of bringing up the na-tion's youth improperly instructed in matters of sexand its proper function . [ 56 ]


The immediate effect of this anomalous conditionin America resulting from the misinstruction regard-ing sex by its youth on the one hand, and the mostexaggerated prominence given sex in its national lifeis particularly disastrous and excessively humiliating .Using the word moral in its popular conventional mean

ing, it may be very frankly said that the morals of theAmerican youth are anything but exemplary . JudgeBen B. Lindsey, who is fully authorized to speak on thesubject from his experience as head of the Juvenilecourt in Denver for over twenty-five years, and who isone of the keenest contemporary thinkers in America,has stated facts in his book, The Revolt of ModernYouth, which are appalling. He writes

"The first item in the testimony of the highschool students is that of all the youth who go toparties, attend dances, and ride together in auto-mobiles, more than 90 per cent indulge in hug-ging and kissing . This does not mean that everygirl lets any boy hug and kiss her, but that she ishugged and kissed .

"The second part of the message is this . Atleast 50 per cent of those who begin with hug-ging and kissing do not restrict themselves tothat, but go further, and indulge in other sex lib-erties which, by all the conventions, are out-rageously improper .

"Now for the third part of the message . Itis this : Fifteen to twenty-five per cent of thosewho begin with the hugging and kissing event-ually `goo the limit.' This does not, in most cases,mean either promiscuity or frequency, but it hap-pens."

Pages 56, 59, 62 .[57]

MY MOTHER INDIA

This situation is alarming, and the leaders of thecountry must take immediate notice of it. When fifteento twenty-five girls out of every hundred in any coun-try indulge in irresponsible sexual relationships be-tween the ages of fifteen and eighteen, that countryis not in a healthy moral condition . The effect of theseearly sexual intimacies between young girls and boysis ruinous to their later spiritual growth . How the sit-uation may be remedied is a serious problem, which isnot the task of any foreigner, however honest andfriendly, to solve .

It may be of value to point out here how the Hinduthinkers sought to control this situation. We quotedabove the frank opinion of an American college girlregarding the Hindu system of marriage . The illopinion of the Hindu system of marriage held by mostwesterners, springs, however, not from their knowledgeof the situation, but from its very novelty, and fromthe dissociation of the name romance from its system .The western method of marriage emphasizes freedomfor the individual, and as such its fundamental basis isboth noble and praiseworthy. From the exercise offreedom have developed some of the finest traits ofcharacter ; freedom, in fact, has been the source of in

spiraton for the highest achievements of the humanrace. But freedom in sex relationship without properknowledge transforms itself into license, as its exer-cise in the commercial relationships of the world with-out sympathy and vision develops into tyranny. An il-lustration of the former consequence may be seen inthe disastrous effect of the wrong kind of freedom onthe morals of the American youth ; the slums of the

[58]


industrial world are the results of the laissez fairepolicy when it is allowed to proceed unchecked, on itsreckless career .

In India marriage is regarded as a necessity in life ;in the case of woman it is the most conclusive of allincidents, the one action to which all else in life is sub-sidiary . From marriage springs not only her wholehappiness, but on it also depends the fulfilment of hervery life. Marriage to a woman is a sacrament-an en-trance into the higher and holier regions of love andconsecration-and motherhood is to her a thing ofpride and duty . From childhood she has been trainedto be the ideal of the husband whom marriage givesher. Dropping longingly into the embrace of her hus-band with almost divine confidence in his protectionand love, she begins to look at the whole universe in adifferent light. "Are the heavens and the earth so sud-denly transformed ? Do the birds and trees, the starsand the heavens above, take on a more brilliant color-ing, and the wind begin to murmur a sweeter music?"Or is it true that she is herself transformed at thegentle touch of him who is henceforth to be her lord?

So limitless is the power of human emotion that wecan create in our own imagination scenes of a joyfulexistence, which, when they are finally realized, bringabout miraculous changes in us almost overnight . Thismiracle is no fiction ; it is a reality. An overnight'sblissful acquaintance with her husband has altered theconstitution of many a girl's body and given to herfigure nobler curves . I have seen my own sister givenin marriage, a girl of 18, a slender, playful, fond childwith barely a sign of womanhood in her habits and

[59]

MY MOTHER INDIA

carriage ; and after a month when I went for a visit toher home I found it difficult to recognize my own sis-ter. How suddenly had the marital union transformedher! In the place of a slender, sprightly girl was nowa plump woman with a blooming figure, seeming sur-charged with radiant energy ; in the place of a straightchildish look in the eyes there was a look of happiness,wisdom, understanding that was inspiring and ennob-ling . The atmosphere around my sister, once a girl,now a woman, was of such a divine character and herappearance expressed such exquisite joy that I fellspontaneously into her arms, and before we separatedour eyes were wet with tears of joy . Seeing my sisterso beautiful and so happy, I was happy ; and in hermoment of supreme joy her brother, the beloved com-panion of early days, became doubly dear to her . Somemoments in our lives are difficult, nay, impossible toforget . This experience was of so illuminating anature that it is still as vivid in my mind as if it hadhappened yesterday .

The explanation is very simple . In the mind of mysister, as in the mind of every other Indian girl, theidea of a husband had been uppermost since her verychildhood. Around his noble appearance, fine carriage,and handsome expression she must have woven manya beautiful story. Each time she saw one of her girlfriends given in marriage to a "flower-crowned bride,groom, dressed in saffron-colored clothes, riding in pro-cession on a decorated horse," and accompanied bymusic and festivity, she must have dreamed. And thenwhen the ideal of her childhood was realized, no won-der she found in his company that height of emotional

[60]


exaltation which springs from the proper union of thesexes and is the noblest gift of God to man. The Amer-ican girl thinks my sister married a stranger, but shehad married an ideal, a creation of her imagination,and a part of her own being .

The wise Hindu system which keeps the idea of ahusband before the girls from their childhood will notbe easily understood by the conventional western mind .Those who consider sex as something "unclean andfilthy" and have formed the conviction that itsthoughts and its very name must be strictly kept awayfrom growing children must learn two fundamentaltruths . In the first place, nothing in sex is filthy orunclean ; on the other hand, sex is "the purest and theloveliest thing in life and if properly managed is emo-tionally exalting and highly uplifting for our moraland spiritual development."* Secondly, to imaginethat by maintaining a conspiracy of silence on the sub-ject of sex one can exclude its thought totally from thelives of growing children is to betray in the grossestform ignorance of natural laws .

In India, however, sex is considered a necessary partof a healthy individual's life ; it is a sacred and a lovelything ; and, as such, it is to be carefully examined andcarefully cultivated . The sexual impulse is recognizedas the strongest of human impulses, and any attemptto thwart it by outside force must result in disasterto the individual and in ruin to social welfare . Toovercome sex hunger by keeping people ignorant of itis the meanest form of hypocrisy. To deny facts is

Ben B. Lindsey.[61]

MY MOTHER INDIA

not to destroy them . It is not only stupid but cowardlyto imagine that one could make people moral and spir-itual by keeping them ignorant and superstitious .Show them the light, and they will find their own way .Teach children the essentials of life, encourage in themthe habit of independent thought, show them by ex-ample and precept the beauties of moral grandeur, andthey will develop within themselves the good qualitiesof self-respect and self-restraint which will further in-sure against many pitfalls . Says the Hindu proverb"A woman's best guard is her own virtue ." Virtue is athing which must spring from within and can neverbe imposed from the outside .

The atmosphere in the Hindu household and theattitude of the elder members of the family to eachother is of such a nature that the boys and girls gradu-ally become aware of the central facts of nature . Infact, no attempt is made to hide from the children any-thing about their life functions . The subjects of mar-riage and child birth are freely discussed in the familygatherings . Children are never excluded when abrother or sister is born, and no one tells them storiesof little babies brought in baskets by the doctors or bystorks . Whenever the growing children ask curiousquestions about physiological facts, they are given thenecessary information to the extent that it will be in-telligible to them .

The experience in India has clearly demonstratedthe fact that if young boys and girls are properly in-structed in the laws of nature, and if the knowledgeis backed up by the right kind of moral stimulus andidealism, these young people can be relied upon to de-

[62]


velop invincible powers of self-restraint and self-re-spect. Such boys and girls will have noble aspirationsand will grow into fine-spirited men and women ofhealthy moral character and of unquestionable poise .

The writer has no desire to eulogize the Hindu sys-tem of marriage, or to disparage the Occidental . Anattempt has been made to diagnose the prevalent con-sequences of two systems . The Hindu customs cer-tainly need modification in view of the rapid economicand social changes ; the western system displays a de-plorable lack of adjustment to new conditions in thosecountries. The writer merely asks the reader to re-member that just because a system is different, it neednot be outrageous .

the hindu ideal of marriage - saund.orgthe hindu ideal of marriage strong sexual passion which has...

Documents