the happiness handbook

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The

Happiness Handbook

For and by friends of the W&M family Compiled by Ryann Tanap

A collection of inspiration, advice and love

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2012 THE HAPPINESS HANDBOOK

Letter from the Editor Dear Friends, You are about to read through of a collection of works that is the first of its kind. Its humble beginning occurred in August 2011, which is when I started collecting submissions from individuals who have graduated from the College of William & Mary prior to 2012. I got the idea to put the Happiness Handbook together for various reasons. However, the most prominent stemmed from fear – fear of the unknown. My apprehensions about senior year and life after graduation became the catalyst for fearing the unknown. I questioned my purpose in life. Up until this point, I had always sought advice from many of the “upperclassmen” that I had met at the College. Together, they represent my supportive foundation. They are my loving family. Thus, I wanted to create something tangible (inspired by my role models) that I could take with me everywhere, and share with others.

Another aspect of the Handbook comes from my passion for mental health advocacy. Through my time at the College, I found that creative and performing arts could serve as an incredible outlet for those in need of a release. Thus, the pieces you will read below include personal reflections, poems, pieces of advice, famous quotes, and photography/media, all submitted by W&M alumni. You will notice that some pieces have credits, while others do not. Below, you will find a list of all contributors to the Handbook. Personal reflections (and a few other pieces) are anonymous to respect the privacy of each individual. Also, I felt that

anonymity enriched the purpose of the Handbook. I ask that you uphold the integrity of the Handbook and refrain from guessing on who wrote or submitted certain piece. All other works, including poems, photographs/media, and quotations, are credited to the appropriate individuals.

Most importantly, this Handbook serves as inspiration for anyone that seeks it. It is for and by

members of the W&M family; though, if you know of someone who would enjoy it, please feel free to pass it along to them. Enjoy!

- Ryann

Contributors

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Amanda Andrei Andrew Chan

Ben Del Mundo Caroline Kim

Cecilia Esteban Crystal Nwokorie

Haley Wright Douglass Iréne Mathieu

Jason Blackwell

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JB Akbar Julia Vans Kalyani Phansalkar Kedar Pavgi Lamar Shambley Mohammad Torabinejad RJ Gomez Sahaj Kohli Samantha Jayasinghe

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PERSONAL REFLECTIONS

Things I Wish I Knew (before Senior Year of College

Prioritize ………………………………….. 4

Learn to Love ………………………......... 4

Cherish Your Time ……………………… 4

Life in the ‘Real World’ (is in constant flux)

Know Yourself …………………………….6

Optimism …………………………………..6

Empathy and Silence …………………….. 8

Cherish Yourself ………………………….. 8

Listen to Find Balance …………………… 8

WORDS OF WISDOM

Elementary (but easily forgotten) life lessons … 10

Quote Wall

On Perspective ……………………………… 11

On Determination ………………………….. 11

On Humility ……………………………….. 11

On Strength ………………………………… 11

On Friendship ……………………………… 12

On Life ……………………………………... 12

On Love ……………………………………. 13

Table of Contents

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POETRY

A Mind’s Reminder ……………………… 4

Fresh ………………………………………. 5

Don’t Quit ………………………………… 6

Haikus …………………………………….. 7

Where Everything Blooms ………………. 9

Untitled …………………………………… 9

Balance …………………………………… 13

Creatress ………………………………….. 14

ARTWORK

Greece in the 70s ………………………… 4

FASummer ……………………………….. 6

Bulol on a cloudy day in Baguio ………… 7

Syria ……………………………………..... 7

Sunset at UP-Diliman ……………………. 8

Dragon sunset in Sorsogon ………………. 9

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Things I Wish I Knew (before Senior Year of college)

Prioritize Live every minute, it goes by so fast. Do only the things you want to do and the things that make you happy, with the people that make you happy.

Learn to Love Love your friends, or someone…

Cherish Your Time Never confuse living life to the fullest and losing self-control. They are two vastly different things. Enjoy every single solitary moment, but have full control of yourself and know your worth. Never be afraid of being vulnerable and, most importantly, never be afraid of who you are.

By Sahaj Kohli It’s good to be hard on yourself sometimes, but it’s also important that you are gentle. It’s a lonely war As you battle back and forth. The cost is high, The victory, hollow Lay down your weapons My dear For the time has come to rid of all ammunition. The war must end A truce must be made. Adversity must be relieved You have suffered enough My sweet For you have worn yourself raw You have shown yourself bare The truth must be accepted. Be at peace My love For the world is still a magnanimous place Your success is within reach Your happiness at your fingertips Compromises must be made A middle ground must be found Optimism must be acknowledged Discipline must be discovered. Mistakes can still be corrected Flaws can be accepted. Truth shall be uncovered Lies may be pardoned. Forgiveness will be fundamental Honesty will be essential. Love must be accepted Help can be requested. This pain will soon be forgotten And my love for you will remain unconditional.

Greece in the ‘70s / Julia Vans / photography

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I. what a life! questions like mosquitoes hardly let me sleep. I turn to Rilke’s calmness when too many grains of sand stick to my legs. there is something true in the one-two of bachata backed by the beat of the tide. somewhere on this island is buried the freshness with which I was born. II. the ocean a bleak opera and sandy water looking like cold soup, I feel for familiarity under the balls of my feet. truly, a part of me must be here. like music, like sustenance, salt-and-pepper sandpipers swoop soprano over waves: the world is a bowl, but on whose table? III. boat masts have formed a giant loom, and winding in woolen clouds are trial and error, error and innocence, error and guilt,

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deliberation and error, deliberation and honor, deliberation and love. salt-and-pepper sandpipers weave over the work like flitting fingers; flight is that trial from error to love. IV. sunset will come, orange, into you, starting on the windowpanes, of two-stories across the bay. you will feel the first rush of time with this color seeping beyond your eyes. what will shake you is the countdown: globe to horizon. like an orgasm you will feel the colors complicate, deepen, almost outside of you. when the sun finally drowns, you will be exhausted with the ending of it, and think the sea your salt tears. but if you can sleep, grains of sand may loosen, free your feet. you may take your first steps in the fresh darkness, and you may stumble, unsteady, over your own birth, hutting like flotsam from the open earth.

By Iréne Mathieu

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Life in the ‘Real World’ Anonymous When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out, Don’t give up though the pace seems slow – You may succeed with another blow. Success is failure turned inside out – The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far, So, stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit – It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Take as much time as it is necessary to become your own best friend. If you have to cry, cry. If you have to yell and scream, yell and scream. Be there for yourself at all times. If you fall, learn from those mistakes and pick yourself back up. Life is about learning – so learn.

(is in constant flux)

Know Yourself

Optimism I wish I hadn’t been so apprehensive of what to expect after college and so doubtful of being able to live up to the expectations I set for myself. Just take things one day at a time, don’t second-guess the decisions you’ve made to this point and always remember that the best is yet to come.

FASummer / Ben Del Mundo / photography

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By Jason Blackwell title – know your place on my list of love you come second to no one but myself; i'm first title – dear heart stop being so sure; sometimes you are wrong and i always pay the price title – if you want my love is yours to have but know that it comes with all the rest of me title – you complicate my vocabulary give meaning to words like love, trust, phases like ‘i'll be coming home soon’ title – i take that back i cannot unlearn love, it has no master, knows no obedience title – day 1 be still, listen, we must first learn to breath as one before we can love title – my love, i’ve always wanted to make you happy, so i am letting you go title – to tell the truth i love you because i know no other way, i know no other way title – truth be told i hold you close to my heart; be steadfast, for i love the company

Bulol on a cloudy day in Baguio / Amanda Andrei / photography

Susan Sontag says, "[photographs] are a grammar and, even more importantly, an

ethics of seeing... to collect photographs is to collect the world." So go. Travel, explore, and

collect the world. Syria / Haley Wright Douglass /

photography

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Empathy and Silence

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Knowing how to read a 12-lead EKG – an electrocardiogram, a readout of the heart’s electrical activity – is possibly the most useful technical skill I’ve learned in medical school so far. But it’s not the most important thing I’ve learned. Cramming reams of notes and handouts full of information into my head? Not the most important thing either. Medical school has taught me the truly unique value of empathy and silence. It always amazes me to discover what a positive impact a genuinely kind and thoughtful comment can have

Cherish Yourself … Hitting the lowest point ever made me see the most beautiful parts of life, making the days after it so much more amazing. I was obviously still so broken. But this time, it was me who was picking up the pieces and rearranging them to where I wanted to put them. And

while the best thing would have been to build myself up the way I wanted to be in the first place. I got a second chance to do it. So honestly, cherish this time. Cherish yourself.

Listen to Find Balance I live life by listening. I listen to my surroundings, I listen to the butterfly fluttering across my path, I listen to the warm breeze which blows through my hair, I listen to the baby that coos from across the street, the pigeon that flies away, the sun beating down, the grass swaying. Everything I listen to has an answer for me. My answers come from my experiences and from listening. Without this essential tool, I don’t have the ability to grow. If you feel down, confused, and scared, just stop and listen. I promise, everything will be okay, and life will provide you the answer in due time. So far my life has been beautiful, and so far I have not been betrayed by life. Just make sure to do the footwork, and to maintain a spiritual balance between heart, mind, and soul.

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on a patient. Empathy helps you connect, helps you build a relationship, however short and tenuous it may be. And after that, there is silence. Humans have a habit of wanting to fill every silence with conversation. I know I’m one of those people, but more and more often I find myself biting my tongue, refraining from speaking about myself. Be genuinely interested. Take a moment to listen to the other person’s story; you’ll never know what you might hear. People never cease to amaze me – and all it takes is a little empathy and silence.

Sunset at UP-Diliman / Amanda Andrei / photography

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you could call the musty steam of mistaken words and distant wisdom

sex, if you wanted – the attempt to reach that previous expanse

of universal everything. what do we cry out for when we

touch each other, like writing the world’s first play or singing

the first song? the appeal of ultimate oblivion is ultimately

weaker that the force pulling us backward, to that time when

we knew the universe, everything.

you could call us prisoners in home-sewn jumpsuits,

name nicely stitched above the universal left nipple,

nuancing nothing, just muddling primary colors into universal words that

cry out for the distant wisdom we have left behind. it is somewhere beyond the

jailhouse door, in a field of previous expanse where

everything blooms.

*Originally published in Magnapoets magazine

tell me how long does it take for your purple to settle, for that is my clock. i will gauge appropriately, saying that i am not made for patchwork or mending hearts. i want you whole that is the only way you will be able to carry the burden of my love so be not afraid to tell me you are not ready. i am constant, there is no need to spare my feelings i will still be here. tell me how long does it take for your memories to just live as memories for that will mark our new beginning. i will act irresponsible, saying that i am made for handling hearts and holding hands. i want you more that is the only way i will be able to the master the nuance of your love. so be not afraid to tell me when that time comes. i am waiting, there is no need to rush at all i will still be here, tell me how long does it take for you to smile just cause, for that will be my sun. i will know no other love, saying that i am made to be part of you and out of you, i am. i want you always that is the only way for us both to breathe. so be not afraid to love me back. i am yours, there is no need to look any further i will be here, forevermore.

By Jason Blackwell By Iréne Mathieu

Dragon sunset in Sorsogon / Amanda Andrei / photography

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By Sahaj Kohli

Life is short, so don’t take people or things around you for granted Vocalize appreciation

Believe in others, believe in yourself Nice things can never be said too much

Tell people you love them, like them, need them, want them Be vulnerable

Be scared Affect and be affected

Give in to your deeper desires Actions speak louder than words, but also be aware of your inaction

Silence can speak for itself Jump, and fall

Don’t be scared to ask questions Work hard for what you want most

Have patience Be careless

Matters of the heart are not supposed to be explained Don’t rationalize your emotions

Success is waking up loving what you do and having those you love around you Give away too much, expect way too much

Don’t ever compromise yourself, but never fear the act of compromising Put your heart on the line

To feel the highs, be prepared to feel the lows Sometimes you should just go with the flow

Make extremely bad decisions that make you extremely satisfied Discover new things

Rekindle old friendships Don’t judge

Always be a role model even when you think no one is looking Give everything you got – don’t half-ass life

Don’t be scared of change Don’t be scared of the unknown

Know when to walk away Don’t settle for less than you deserve

Don’t feel like you have to prove yourself to people You are original – live, learn, laugh

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“Good things come to those who hustle.”

– Anais Nin

“Brick walls are there to stop those who don’t

want it badly enough.” – Randy Pausch

On Perspective

On Determination

“Anyone who loves learning accepts correction, but a person who hates being corrected is stupid.”

– Proverbs 12:1

On Strength

“Always be rebuilding the temple.” –- T.S. Eliot

“You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that

created it. You must learn to see the world anew.” – Albert Einstein

You can still reach the stars with your feet planted firmly on the

ground.” – Tara Pascual

On Humility

“Courage isn’t having the strength to go on – it is going on when you don’t have strength.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

“Listen to your heart, even when it’s wounded and weak.” – Adeela Tajdar

“Today, again, never be defeated.” – Daisaku Ikeda (Buddhist President)

“We lose our way, We get back up again Never too late to get back up again, One day, you gonna shine again, You may be knocked down but not out forever.” – TobyMac, “Get Back Up”

Quote Wall

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On Friendship

On Life

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles

exploding like spiders across the stars.” – Jack Kerouac, On the Road

“Your best friends are the one who would take a bullet for you.” –Kedar Pavgi

“All you have to do is decide what to do

with the time that is given to you.” – Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings

“My yesterdays are disappearing, and my tomorrows are uncertain, so what do I live for? I leave for each day. I live in the moment. Some tomorrow soon, I’ll forget that I stood before you and gave this speech. But just because I’ll forget it some tomorrow doesn’t mean that I didn’t live every second of it today. I will forget today, but that doesn’t mean that today didn’t matter.” – Lisa Genova, Still Alice

“Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, and events. It is a catalyst… a spark that creates extraordinary outcomes.” – Unknown

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rocked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.” – Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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She’s elegant and

comfortable standing in his shadow. He’s selfish and absentminded,

and forgets to appreciate her devotion to his satisfaction.

She’s patient and selfless, always finding happiness in the smallest things but,

sometimes he wants more.

When they disagree it turns into a paralyzing argument

with he saids, she saids. She’s needy and desperate for the moment when he will learn what makes her happy,

while he’s distant and focused and is in capable of keeping most of his promises

to her.

She’s quick to lose direction because she has too many dreams.

He’s eager and ready but is slower in developing his desires.

Most of the time they are inconsistent but when they do find balance

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the whole world seems to shift into alignment for them. She keeps him honest while he keeps her grounded. She sustains him, and he provides for her. She’s the exact push he needs everyday to step out and live and he’s the perfect conversation at the end of the days to help her maximize her reflection, organize her thoughts and prioritize her wants. He’s driven by pride and ambition while she’s motivated by her emotions. The are influenced in different ways, and process with opposite senses. But no matter how they are broken down, his thoughts are irrelevant without her feelings. There’s no him without her. There’s no mind without heart.

Heart and mind are easily disconnected, but search for a connection and everything

By Sahaj Kohli

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtpQmU6v6kQ

– Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

On Love

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By Iréne Mathieu women bright, sharp, with paintbrush or guitar in your lap, with stethoscope or camera, you inspire the woman bright in me to answer what is calling out “create, creatress!” and the sun bowing red-ly before he sea gives the weight of its warmth to me. woman bright, sharp, your blooming opens my head and frees the flow of my words. when I see or hear you, reminding me what it is to be creatress, creating, I am proud to call you sister over the youtube blog-spaced, photographic expression that beams you to me, that means you to me. you might have curls encroaching crazy around your ears, or dark skin, or eyes that bridge the edges of our human family, but it is the force of being a creatress that ends up beating through and daring me to stand and answer the calling to “create!” with my own warm weight bursting vibrations to the edges of our humanity.

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what has been forgotten is that our minds are our primary wombs, and we bear the birthing pains of fiery radiance, a weight like life that carries itself beyond our arms and laps pushes through anything opaque, making the truth like liquid with a pressure that pushes you up until you have broken through the atmosphere. the sun bows aside and you ride the night until your heads opens up. *Finalist in the Jane’s Press Foundation annual poetry contest

Peru / Iréne Mathieu / paint

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