the good the bad & the ugly of english 1101

The Good, The Bad and The

Ugly of English 1101

JenniferLopez

Dr.Horton

December2011

English1101

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of English 1101

Table of Contents

Analytical Cover Letter ....................................................................................................................1

Quality Comparison .........................................................................................................................4

Least Successful Article Response ......................................................................................5

Most Successful Article Response .......................................................................................7

“What’s the Difference?” .....................................................................................................9

Revision Samples ...........................................................................................................................11

Least Successful Article Response (with markup) ............................................................12

Least Successful Article Response (final) .........................................................................14

Most Successful Article Response (with markup) .............................................................16

Most Successful Article Response (final) ..........................................................................18

Most Successful Essay (with markup) ...............................................................................20

Most Successful Essay (final) ............................................................................................25

1

December 1, 2011 Matthew R. Horton, Ph. D. Assistant Professor of English Gainesville State College Oconee Campus 313b Oconee Classroom 1201 Bishop Farms Parkway Watkinsville, GA 30677 Dear Dr. Horton, My name is Jennifer Lopez and I am a freshman at Gainesville State College. As I look back at first assignments in English 1101 and see how far I’ve come, it’s very clear that I have learned a great deal of ways to not only improve my writing but the message that I’m trying to send out to the reader. I have put together some pieces of my writing and that I have done this semester into this final portfolio. In my portfolio, you can clearly see the progress that I have made from basic high school writing, to descriptive and detail- rich pieces of writing. In English 1101, I was taught to take out the author’s opinions, and write about how why that opinion should matter. Throughout English 1101, you have taught me to take the basic skills that I’ve learned from high school to a whole new level and write with a different level of deeper meaning and understanding. I have also encouraged myself to fix up my grammar and use a wider range of vocabulary to enrich my writing pieces. As you read my portfolio, it is very clear that I have made a lot of change from my basic high school writing and switching to English 1101 writing. My key to success in English 1101 was that I learned to pay attention to articles and to ask for help. I feel that it is necessary to read my portfolio in order to see that I have improved as a writer this semester. The encouragement and support from you as a teacher has definitely helped me and will continue to help me as I continue on to English 1102. You have inspired me to read articles and to see how I can personally relate to articles. My pieces in this portfolio may or may not need a little more work, but I have used my editing skills to show that I have improved this semester to revise my writing the best I can. Once you read my portfolio, you will be able to see how much I have worked and how hard I have worked in order to achieve success in your class. My least successful Article Response is called, “An Autism Success Story”. I wrote my article response from an Article called, “Autism’s First Child” by John Donovan and Caren Zucker. The article was first taking about the life of a man who has learned to live his life with Autism. The biggest problem that I faced revising this article response was figuring out what needed to be changed. While revising, I noticed that I had a lot of trouble paying attention to detail. I would put together sentences that only I would know what I was talking about in the sentence. For example, my very first sentence said, “In the article, “Autism’s First Child”, by John Donovan and Caren Zucker, the bring attention to the world of Autism.” The sentence just didn’t seem like it was pieced together correctly and it wasn’t descriptive enough for the reader to know what I was talking about. The article is not just about Autism and the people that have it, it was about how people with Autism can or have overcome this condition and can live normal lives. While revising I also was very wordy with my sentences and I didn’t use proper usage of punctuation. There have also been other times that I wrote the article using a lot of pronouns to try to get my

2

point across, but it was just lead to a bigger and wordier sentence. There have also been other instances where I didn’t include examples to support my argument which concluded into a poorly written article response. My most successful article response is called, “Undocumented: Struggling for Opportunities”. The original article was titled, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, by Jose Antonio Vargas and it was about his own story of coming to the United States illegally as a young boy and living his life illegally in America. The biggest problem he faced was convincing himself that just because he was an illegal immigrant, he could receive an education just like his fellow American classmates. This article response was much a harder than my previous article response, since it was my most successful. I had a lot of trouble letting myself go and make corrections instead of just thinking that it was the best pieces I’ve ever written. The biggest problem I faced while writing this article was my lack of attention to detail. In the first sentence, I wrote, “An article by Jose Antonio Vargas, called "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant", really expresses how hard immigration can be.” I wasn’t writing about the whole immigration process but about how immigrants face problems every day and try to convince themselves that they can be citizens even without documentation. I didn’t specify a lot in my sentences and it would make sentences too wordy. Since this article was very personal to me, I felt the need to write my opinions instead of writing about the author’s opinion and write about why his opinion and why his story was the most important to write about. My article response also lacked in the sentence structure area and I didn’t use proper usage of sentence structure. My most successful article essay is titled, “American Schools: A Selfish Dictatorship?” The original article was called, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, by Jose Antonio Vargas. As I was reading the article, it definitely brought many personal memories that I really wanted to write about. I began to think about how being a Hispanic American; I am surrounded by many people who have immigrated to the United States. My family immigrated here in the 80’s with legal papers but I’ve also known a few people that weren’t so lucky and they were here illegally but they were trying to receive a higher education. I thought about a close friend of mine named Maria. I wrote about how she tried to pursue a higher education and that she did everything she could to prove that she was capable of reaching her goals. In the essay, I had a lot of trouble with essay structure and staying on topic. I would often rant about how it wasn’t fair that she didn’t get citizenship and about how the United States would just turn immigrants away, such as in paragraphs 3-5. I did not pay close attention to detail and I had to rewrite a few sentences to make my paragraphs flow effectively to show how I related to the article. One of my biggest problems were to add supporting details and specify who I was talking about and why. I continued to revise my essay and I proved to show that I can make my sentences flow a little more clearer. Looking back at my portfolio, I’m nowhere near being a perfect writer. I definitely underestimate myself and don’t show a lot of confidence in my writing. I choose to play the safe way and not take any chances on my writing. I don’t like to raise the bar too often because I’m afraid it was backfire on me in the end. Raising the bar would’ve definitely made my writing pieces in English 1101 a lot stronger and more meaningful. I saw a trend in my writing from the beginning to the end of the semester. I saw that my pieces were receiving a grade of 80% probably since I didn’t pay close attention to detail and I didn’t want to get out of my comfort zone. Then I started

3

noticed that my writing grade was slowly declining into the 70s. I began to show a lack of effort and it definitely didn’t give me a higher grade in the end. I sincerely regret, not proving myself that I was actually a better writer than I showed. I wish I could’ve gone back to polish that sentence that I didn’t write to receive a few more points or to change that essay and to go into a different direction instead of just leaving it the way it was. You have given me the tools to become a better writer and have pushed me along the way to improve my writing. I regret not taking the opportunity to show that but I now have the tools for future success in English 1102. Looking back at what I did in English 1101, there are some things that I don’t regret. I don’t regret having the opportunity to learn and to grow from my mistakes. This class has shown me that everyone can write exquisite essays and to not get discouraged if I received a grade I thought I didn’t deserve. I hope to continue my journey to writing rich essays full of detail, structure, and extensive vocabulary and grammar. I would like to thank you for everything that you’ve done for me and for my writing. I hope my writing in English 1102 will show how I have improved due to the tools that I have to make my writing pieces that of a college student instead of that of a high school student. Sincerely, Jennifer Lopez

4

Least Successful Article Response

An Autism Success Story

Donovan, John, and Caren Zucker. "Autism's First Child." The Atlantic. The Atlantic Monthly

Group, Oct. 2010. Web. 6 October 2011.

In the article, “Autism’s First Child”, by John Donovan and Caren Zucker, they bring

attention to the world of Autism. One in 110 children born in America are diagnosed with

Autism; the causes of Autism are still unknown. To name a few predictions, some believe that

the amounts of gluten in food, or the mercury, used in vaccines as a preservative are to blame.

Others believe that its just an autoimmune response. The mainstream consensus today defines it

as a neurological condition probably resulting from one or more genetic abnormalities in

combination with an environmental trigger. As children, doctors try to come up with ways to

help children grow, develop, and lead normal lives. In the article, the writers talk about how this

form of treatment may lead to better outcomes. They also write about allowing them to interact

with other people and to learn how to socially interact with people around them. The writers also

speak of a doctor, named Dr. Peter Gerhardt, who in his examinations claims that “teaching the

kinds of skills adults with autism need in order to survive independently: keeping track of

money, asking for directions and then following them, wearing clean clothes, navigating public

transport, recognizing a dangerous person, and—of extreme difficulty for most—looking a job

interviewer in the eye.” Gerhardt disputes the doubts he hears even within his profession about

encouraging adults with autism to aspire to independence.” Donovan and Zucker also write about

how we need to accept people with Autism into our world in order for them to fully understand

their way of life. In most cases, people with Autism live with relatives or friends and don’t learn

how to support themselves; their support systems don’t live forever.

5

Everyone must aid in helping people with Autism and socially accept them in order for

them to improve mentally. We don’t think about how people who are diagnosed with Autism as

children get when they reach adulthood. Most patients need a support system but their support

systems eventually die or leave them. Some with HFA, which stands for “high-functioning

autism”, may be able to lead normal lives. Those with more severe cases aren’t so lucky. Even

those who have HFA will require some support, and the needs of those with lower-functioning

varieties of autism will be profound and constant. For autistic patients to become socially

acceptable they must learn how to live independent lives. This does not mean pretending that

adults with autism do not need help. But it does mean replacing pity toward them with ambition

for them. The key to this view is to see that “they” are part of “us,” so that those who don’t have

autism are actively cheering for those who do. One of the symptoms of autism is their lack of

interest in people, which may make it more difficult for them to interact with others. In the

article, the writers say, “How we respond to those needs will be shaped in great measure by how

we choose to view adults with autism. We can dissociate from them, regarding them as tragically

broken persons, and hope we are humane enough to shoulder the burden of meeting their basic

needs.” Doctors can’t expect everyone to welcome patients with Autism. We ourselves as

humans must embrace others who need our help and show how caring and understanding we can

be.

6

Most Successful Article Response

Undocumented: Struggling for Oppurtunities

Vargas, Jose Antonio. "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant". The New York Times. The

New York Times Company, 22 June 2011. Web. 1 September 2011.

An article by Jose Antonio Vargas, called "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant",

really expresses how hard immigration can be. Over the years, immigration seems to have

become a problem, but most people do not see why immigrants come to the states. They are

looking for an opportunity to give their families a better future, especially young people who

want to get an education. In the article, Jose came to the states when he was a small boy. As he

grew up, he wanted nothing more than to be educated and to learn English, but his fake papers

were keeping him from doing so. He believes that our society feels that immigrants are a burden.

In the article, he writes, "I grew more aware of anti-immigrant sentiments and stereotypes: they

don’t want to assimilate, they are a drain on society. They’re not talking about me, I would tell

myself. I have something to contribute." (page 1). People in the United States don’t see how

much immigrants have contributed to our culture and our way of life. “We’re not always who

you think we are. Some pick your strawberries or care for your children. Some are in high school

or college. And some, it turns out, write news articles you might read. I grew up here. This is my

home. Yet even though I think of myself as an American and consider America my country, my

country doesn’t think of me as one of its own.” (page 1). The United States needs to welcome

immigrants, as they only wish to contribute to our economy and are willing to learn our culture.

The writer of, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, writes beautifully about the

struggles of illegal immigrants in the United States. They are automatically shunned from

society, and some don’t even want to know what their lives are about. Many immigrant families

7

are just like any American, they have families, want to provide for them, and go far in life as

well as in their careers. Life is hard in other countries and they come here to find better living

conditions. The United States government claims that we are the superior country, and they’re

right. Why else would so many people try to come into the United States? Papers are so difficult

to obtain, some take years even decades. Jose Antonio Vargas, himself, knows of the struggles to

living without papers and the fear of deportation. Jose writes, “There are so many students who

don’t have papers in the United States who only wish to get an education. The Dream Act, a

nearly decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for

young people who have been educated in this country. At the risk of deportation — the Obama

administration has deported almost 800,000 people in the last two years.” (page 1). There are

American students today that don’t even try in school and do not care for education, and there

are students that aren’t American and want nothing more but to learn. What’s the crime in that?

If American students don’t want to get an education, then the United States must at least allow

immigrants to come here to get an education to improve our future.

8

What’s The Difference?

For my most successful article response, I chose “Undocumented: Struggling for

Opportunity. I received a grade of a 8 out of 10 for this article response. In this article response, I

summarized how he overcame the feeling of not belonging in the United States and how he

wanted to prove to himself that he was capable of doing well in life. His determination was very

inspiring and moving. He was determined to prove to himself that he as capable of everything he

wanted to accomplish. In the second paragraph, I wrote about why his determination and his

opinion of passing the Dream Act so that able immigrant students can receive a higher education

due to their grades and not their legal status. I feel that I did a good job in showing the

knowledge that I had in this subject as well as showing that what the author had to stay really

mattered. I showed my examples really well and I supported his argument with quotes from the

article. I know that with putting a lot of detail into the response and supporting my arguments, it

was the best essay that I wrote.

My least successful essay was titled, “An Autism Success Story”. The original article is

titled “Autism’s First Child”. I received 7 out of 10 for this response. The article was about how

a man with autism learned to live a normal life by himself even though that most people with

autism need a support system to help them. He overcame his enormous obstacle by himself and

other doctor’s believed that autistic patients may be able to do that same as well. In the first

paragraph I summarized the article and talked about what the man did to learn how to live a

normal life. I also wrote about how doctors believed that showing those who have autism how to

live a normal life and exposing them to the real world can show to be beneficial for them. The

second paragraph, I supported the author’s argument with how social interactions with the public

and showing them that they can do things by themselves are the best for people with autism.

9

Most people don’t know of this condition and they may feel threatened by some of them things

that they do. I feel that I should’ve written with better detail and stayed on topic a little more. I

needed to polish my sentences better to make them cohesive with the rest of the response. This is

why this response was my weakest.

I’ve noticed a trend in my writing as I compared these two pieces of writing. I felt as

though I didn’t challenge myself or raise the bar to make more compelling arguments. I

definitely underestimate myself in my writing. I used a lot of unnecessary sentences and phrases

to beef up my responses. By doing so, I hurt my writing and I hurt my scores. I go off topic and I

can’t seem to stay on track and not go into another direction. I show a lack of detail and

information to support arguments. I do well with showing the information and showing that I

have a good grasp of what I’m talking about. I continued to write in the same form and write

almost the same for every response. All of my article responses showed weakness and definitely

needed some improvement in all areas. As soon as I saw a trend of 8s and 7s, I should’ve gone to

Dr. Horton to ask for help and for tips to improve my writing. I hope to continue to improve and

to seek help for my writing.

10




Group, Oct. 2010. Web. 6 Oct.tober 2011.

In the article, “Autism’s First Child”, by John Donovan and Caren Zucker, they it brings

attention to the world of Autism and the people that have this condition. One in 110 children

born in America are diagnosed with Autism; the causes of Autism are still unknown. To name a

few predictions, some believe that the amounts of gluten in food, or the mercury, used in

vaccines, as a preservativpreservativee, are to blame. Others believe that it’s just an autoimmune

response. The mainstream consensus today defines it as a neurological condition probably

resulting from one or more genetic abnormalities in combination with an environmental trigger.

As children, doctors try to come up with ways to help children grow, develop, and lead normal

lives. In the article, the writers talk about how doctors are coming up with new ways to treat

children with Autismthis form of treatment may lead to better outcomes. They also write about

allowing them to interact with other people and to learn how to socially interact with people

around them. The writers also speak of a doctor, named Dr. Peter Gerhardt., who Iin his

examinations, he claims that “teaching the kinds of skills adults with autism need in order to

survive independently: keeping track of money, asking for directions and then following them,

wearing clean clothes, navigating public transport, recognizing a dangerous person, and—of

extreme difficulty for most—looking a job interviewer in the eye.” Gerhardt disputes the doubts

he hears even within his own profession about encouraging adults with autism to aspire to

independence.” Donovan and Zucker also write about how we need to accept people with

Autism into our world society in order for them to fully understand their way of life. Sometimes

Formatted: Font: Italic

Comment [GSC1]: I wanted to included this phrase because the article is not just about Autism and about the symptoms, it’s about the people that have it. Autistic patients have to go through many hardships in their lives. This article was primarily about a man who’s overcome this condition and has learned to live a regular life.

Comment [J2]: Didn’t specify what treatment I was talking about. The treatments are to expose them to skills that are needed to live normal and healthy lives.

11

people diagnosed with Autism can’t determine what is socially or morally correct. They may

seem as a threat to some who do not know of their diagnosis. In most cases, people with Autism

live with relatives or friends and don’t learn how to support themselves; their support systems

don’t live forever.


them to improve mentally. We don’t think about how Autistic children will progress into

adulthoodpeople who are diagnosed with Autism as children get when they reach adulthood.

Most patients need a support system but their support systems eventually die or leave them.,

They are left to leaving them to learn on their own, and at times, they are too accustomed to

others giving them help, that they can’t do things for themselves. Some with HFA, which stands

for “high-functioning autism”, may be able to lead normal lives. Those with more severe cases

aren’t so lucky. Even those who have HFA, will need require some support, and the needs of

those with lower-functioning varieties of autism will be profound and constant. For autistic

patients to become socially acceptable they must learn how to live independent lives. This does

not mean pretending that adults with autism do not need help. But it does mean replacing pity

toward them with ambition for them. The key to this view is to see that “they” are part of “us,”

so that those who don’t have autism are activelyenthusiastically cheering for those who do. One

of the symptoms of autism is their lack of interest in people, which may make it more difficult

for them to interact with others. In the article, the writers say, “How we respond to those needs

will be shaped in great measure by how we choose to view adults with autism. We can dissociate

from them, regarding them as tragically broken persons, and hope we are humane enough to

shoulder the burden of meeting their basic needs.” Doctors can’t expect everyone to welcome

Comment [J3]: Examples of situations where they would seem as a threat and ways that they need to learn how to act in a social setting,

12

patients with Autism. We ourselves as humans must embrace others who need our help and show

how caring and understanding we can be.

13




Group, Oct. 2010. Web. 6 Oct. 2011.

In the article, “Autism’s First Child”, by John Donovan and Caren Zucker, it brings

attention to the world of Autism and the people that have this condition. One in 110 children

born in America are diagnosed with Autism; the causes of Autism are still unknown. To name a

few predictions, some believe that the amounts of gluten in food, or the mercury, used in

vaccines, as a preservative are to blame. Others believe that it’s an autoimmune response. The

mainstream consensus today defines it as a neurological condition probably resulting from one or

more genetic abnormalities in combination with an environmental trigger. As children, doctors

try to come up with ways to help children grow, develop, and lead normal lives. In the article, the

writers talk about how doctors are coming up with new ways to treat children with Autism. They

also write about allowing them to interact with other people and to learn how to socially interact

with people around them. The writers speak of a doctor, named Dr. Peter Gerhardt. In his

examinations, he claims that “teaching the kinds of skills adults with autism need in order to

survive independently: keeping track of money, asking for directions and then following them,

wearing clean clothes, navigating public transport, recognizing a dangerous person, and—of

extreme difficulty for most—looking a job interviewer in the eye.” Gerhardt disputes the doubts

he hears even within his own profession about encouraging adults with autism to aspire to

independence.” Donovan and Zucker also write about how we need to accept people with

Autism into our society in order for them to fully understand their way of life. Sometimes people

diagnosed with Autism can’t determine what is socially or morally correct. They may seem as a

14

threat to some who do not know of their diagnosis. In most cases, people with Autism live with

relatives or friends and don’t learn how to support themselves; their support systems don’t live

forever.


them to improve mentally. We don’t think about how Autistic children will progress into

adulthood. Most patients need a support system but their support systems eventually die or leave

them. They are left to learn on their own, and at times, they are too accustomed to others giving

them help, that they can’t do things for themselves. Some with HFA, which stands for “high-

functioning autism”, may be able to lead normal lives. Those with more severe cases aren’t so

lucky. Even those who have HFA, will need some support, and the needs of those with lower-

functioning varieties of autism will be profound and constant. For autistic patients to become

socially acceptable they must learn how to live independent lives. This does not mean pretending

that adults with autism do not need help. But it does mean replacing pity toward them with

ambition for them. The key to this is to see that “they” are part of “us,” so that those who don’t

have autism are enthusiastically cheering for those who do. One of the symptoms of autism is

their lack of interest in people, which may make it more difficult for them to interact with others.

In the article, the writers say, “How we respond to those needs will be shaped in great measure

by how we choose to view adults with autism. We can dissociate from them, regarding them as

tragically broken persons, and hope we are humane enough to shoulder the burden of meeting

their basic needs.” Doctors can’t expect everyone to welcome patients with Autism. We

ourselves as humans must embrace others who need our help and show how caring and

understanding we can be.

15


Undocumented: Struggling for OppurtunitiesOpportunities




really expresses how hard immigration can be on foreigners immigrating to the United States

illegally. Over the years, immigration seems to have become a problem, but most people do not

see why immigrants come to the states. They are looking for an opportunity to give their families

a better future, Families, especially, want their young people children to receive a quality

education.who want to get an education. In the article, Jose came to the states when he was a

small boy. As he grew up, he wanted nothing more than to be educated and to learn English, but

his fake papers were keeping him from doing so. He believes that our society feels that

immigrants are a burden. In the article, he writes, "I grew more aware of anti-immigrant

sentiments and stereotypes: they don’t want to assimilate, they are a drain on society. They’re

not talking about me, I would tell myself. I have something to contribute." (page 1). People in the

United States don’t see how much immigrants have contributed to our culture and our way of

life. “We’re not always who you think we are. Some pick your strawberries or care for your

children. Some are in high school or college. And some, it turns out, write news articles you

might read. I grew up here. This is my home. Yet even though I think of myself as an American

and consider America my country, my country doesn’t think of me as one of its own.” (page 1).

The United States needs to welcome immigrants, as they only wish to contribute to our economy

and are willing to learn our culture. Most immigrants only wish to work hard to support their

families and to put food on the table just like us.

Comment [J1]: Needed to specify how immigration has an impact on immigrants especially when they’re illegal.

16

The writer of, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, gives the reader a first hand

perspective on illegal immigration and their motives for moving to America. writes beautifully

about the struggles of illegal immigrants in the United States. They are Americans who

automatically shunned immigrants from society, and some don’t even want to know what their

lives are about. Many immigrant families are just like any American, they have families, want to

provide for them, and go far in life as well as in their careers. Life is hard in other countries and

they immigrants come here to the United States to find better living conditions. The United

States government claims that we are the superior country, and they’re right. Why else would so

many people try to come into the United States? Papers are so difficult to obtain, some take years

even decades. Jose Antonio Vargas, himself, knows of the struggles to living without papers and

the fear of deportation. Jose writes, “There are so many students who don’t have papers in the

United States who only wish to get an education. The Dream Act, a nearly decade-old

immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for young people who

have been educated in this country. At the risk of deportation — the Obama administration has

deported almost 800,000 people in the last two years.” (page 1). There are American students

today that don’t even try in school and do not care for education, and there are students that

aren’t American and don’t want anything nothing more than to but to learn. What’s the crime in

that? If American students don’t want to get an education, then the United States must at least

allow immigrants to come here to get an education to improve our futuretheir future.

Comment [J2]: Part of original fragment

17


Undocumented: Struggling for Opportunities




really expresses how hard immigration can be on foreigners immigrating to the United States

illegally. Over the years, immigration seems to have become a problem, but most people do not

see why immigrants come to the states. They are looking for an opportunity to give their families

a better future Families, especially, want their young children to receive a quality education. In

the article, Jose came to the states when he was a small boy. As he grew up, he wanted nothing

more than to be educated and to learn English, but his fake papers were keeping him from doing

so. He believes that our society feels that immigrants are a burden. In the article, he writes, "I

grew more aware of anti-immigrant sentiments and stereotypes: they don’t want to assimilate,

they are a drain on society. They’re not talking about me, I would tell myself. I have something

to contribute." (page 1). People in the United States don’t see how much immigrants have

contributed to our culture and our way of life. “We’re not always who you think we are. Some

pick your strawberries or care for your children. Some are in high school or college. And some, it

turns out, write news articles you might read. I grew up here. This is my home. Yet even though

I think of myself as an American and consider America my country, my country doesn’t think of

me as one of its own.” (page 1). The United States needs to welcome immigrants, as they only

wish to contribute to our economy and are willing to learn our culture. Most immigrants only

wish to work hard to support their families and to put food on the table just like us.

18

The writer of, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, gives the reader a first hand

perspective on illegal immigration and their motives for moving to America. They are Americans

who automatically shun immigrants from society, and don’t even want to know what their lives

are about. Many immigrant families are just like any American, they have families, want to

provide for them, and go far in life as well as in their careers. Life is hard in other countries and

immigrants come to the United States to find better living conditions. The United States

government claims that we are the superior country, and they’re right. Why else would so many

people try to come into the United States? Papers are so difficult to obtain, some take years even

decades. Jose Antonio Vargas, himself, knows of the struggles to living without papers and the

fear of deportation. Jose writes, “There are so many students who don’t have papers in the

United States who only wish to get an education. The Dream Act, a nearly decade-old

immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for young people who

have been educated in this country. At the risk of deportation — the Obama administration has

deported almost 800,000 people in the last two years.” (page 1). There are American students

today that don’t even try in school and do not care for education, and there are students that

aren’t American and don’t want anything more than to learn. What’s the crime in that? If

American students don’t want to get an education, then the United States must at least allow

immigrants to come here to get an education their future.

Lopez 19

19

Jennifer Lopez

Professor Horton

English 1101

September 19, 2011

American Schools: A Selfish Dictatorship? With Liberty and Justice for All…

In the article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, by Jose Antonio Vargas, he

writes about his life as an actual illegal immigrant and how he’s overcome overcame obstacles

growing up living in America. In his eyes, Hhis mother sent him off to a mysterious place that

he’s never been to before, to live with his grandparents to have a better life when he was just 12

years old. At the age of 16, he realized that all of his “documents” were false, which meant that

and he was going to be very restricted in how he lived for the rest of his life. On that day he was

determined that he would he wouldn’t let anyone tell him he wasn’t worthy of becoming a

citizen. During high school, his love for journalism kept him at school after hours and his

teachers saw great promise in him and encouraged him to go on to college and pursue a career in

the journalism field. To his dismay, he could not go to college since he couldn’t apply for

financial aid and his grandparents couldn’t afford to pay for him through college. Even though

many obstacles were ahead of him, Jose was determined that nothing would get in his way of

pursuing his dream of becoming a writer. After high school, he went on to land a job for a local

newspaper, The Mountain View Voice, as well as many other big newspapers such as the Seattle

Times, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Washington Post, Huffington Post and the New York

Times. In the article, he writes, “We’re not always who you think we are. Some pick your

strawberries or care for your children. Some are in high school or college. And some, it turns out,

write news articles you might read. I grew up here. This is my home. Yet even though I think of

Comment [J1]: Too wordy, needed revising

Comment [J2]:

Lopez 20

20

myself as an American and consider America my country, my country doesn’t think of me as one

of its own.” (Page 1). He paid his taxes and worked for several major newspapers but the only

thing that he didn’t have was his name on an official document. Many immigrants only wish to

come to the United States to give their children a better life, but it seems as though America

doesn’t really want them here or to welcome them here as their own. Each year hundreds of

thousands of young people come to the United States, only to receive a proper education but

each year some are deported back to their country to a life of poverty.

There was a girl that I met in high school my freshman year of high school, who shared

the almost the same story as Jose Vargas. Her name was Maria and I met her in my Business

class on the first day of school. It was a stressful time for all incoming freshmen but we became

ended up becoming the best of friends. She began telling me where she was from and about her

family. She immigrated here when she was 5 years old from Colombia. While discussing what

we wanted to do after high school, she said she was planning on pursuing Business

Administration in college. There were many students in our graduating class of 2011, but it

seemed as though Maria was one of the few who actually cared about going to school and I

thought that warning new things. She had everything put together and as a freshman in high

school, I had no idea what I was going to do in college. Through the years that I’ve gotten to

know her, I could see just how different she was from most of the students in our class. Maria

was ambitious, determined and studious. I would always try to ask her about college and things

of that nature but he didn’t seem to like the subject. I wasn’t going to push her too much though,

I could already tell that she got upset whenever I mentioned it. I just thought that maybe the topic

of college stressed her out a little so I continued to stay quiet.

Lopez 21

21

One day, while Maria and I were in Business class, I began listening to the sounds and

conversations around me and heard numerous unbelievable conversations. One of our classmates

said, “I’m not going to college because I’m just going to sell pot for the rest of my life and get

rich”. Another student beside me said, “This class is pointless, I’m just going to inherit my dad’s

restaurant and run it for the rest of my life”. Clearly, some students here in America are so blind

as to why we are educated in different fields of study. There are many students in the United

States that do not wish to learn or to pursue a higher educationThe. The point is to learn about

new careers and to explore new interests. Everyday our principal would remind us how bad our

test scores were, how many students would skip class, and how severe our punishment would be

if we did skip class. It was a waste of oxygen on his part. He couldn’t expect everyone to be on

the same level as the county standards. The numbers of students in In School Suspension were

increasing by the day. What kind of punishment is that? To not go to class and to sit in a room

and listen to music and play games? That is not a punishment, that’s a reward.

Students like Maria have to work so hard to maintain their GPA to receive a chance of

going to college. Why should the bothersome students disrupting the class affect her education?

And it’s not just the American student affected by the inconsiderate students. Foreign exchange

students as well as immigrants from other nations are influenced. Their families sent them here

to receive a better education and to learn the language like other students. America is supposed

to be a country of new opportunity and wealth. Instead, America is enriched with arrogance. In

2009, Maria told me that she was an illegal immigrant and I realized that her efforts go to college

were just leading her to disappointment. She couldn’t go to college and pursue her dreams of

owning her own business because her family didn’t have the money to send her and she couldn’t

apply for financial aid. She graduated with honors and is a prime example of how the school

Comment [J3]: This sentence is too general and gives a feeling of talking about every students in America. It doesn’t give good examples or any details to support my claim.

Lopez 22

22

systems in America waste their time of ignorant students who don’t have a care for education.

Maria graduated with honors and it showed how much she really wanted to go to college and to

make her parents proud. Like many other immigrants, all Maria wanteds is was a chance for a

better life and to receive a proper education but she can’t because America won’t treat her as if

she’s a citizen, even though she’s proven that she can work hard.

Maria graduated at the top ten of her class. She was junior and senior class president with

a 4.0 GPA. Whenever she is not babysitting, she likes to attend immigration rallies to show her

support and to rally wit other students who have been affected by the government. These

students show that they will stop at nothing for a shot at an education in the United States. In the

article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, Jose Antonio Vargas talks about a group of

four students who walked from Miami to Washington to lobby for the Dream Act, a nearly

decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for young

people who have been educated in this country. Their dedication and their want to learn just like

Maria should be proof enough to the government that they can rise above most. Maria spends her

time babysitting out of her home in Athens, GA to save up enough money until one day she can

have enough for a high education. She won’t stop for anything until the day comes for her

opportunity. She is too afraid to obtain papers for her to become a citizen here because the

government may find out of her legal status. She still sits at home waiting for her chance.

Immigrants that come to America wish to improve their lives and to live the American

Dream. There’s a reason why they come here and most Americans believe that they come here to

take our jobs. They are just like us; they wish to provide a better life for their families, and to

bring food to the table. Young people that want to go to college and pursue a degree should be

granted citizenship. Some students in the US today don’t even care to receive an education and

Comment [J4]: Too general.

Comment [J5]: Gives the feeling of a story.

Comment [GSC6]: Entire 5th paragraph was missing in order to complete the essay.

Formatted: Indent: First line: 0.5"

Lopez 23

23

don’t take the opportunity to go to school for free. Why should we as taxpayers pay for them to

go to school if they don’t even want to sit in a classroom? Most immigrants hope for the passing

of the Dream Act, a nearly decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal

permanent residency for young people who have been educated in the United States. Even

though there is constant debate over whether it should be passed or not, there is still faith for

immigrant students. The citizens of the United States need to look at the potential of these young

people. Why should Maria, an honor student not be able to receive an education in the US just

because of her immigration status?

Formatted: Line spacing: Double

Lopez 24

24

Works Cited

Vargas, Jose Antonio. "My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant". The New York Times. The New York Times Company, 22 June 2011. Web. 1 September 2011.

Formatted: Centered, Line spacing: single

Formatted: Font: Italic

Comment [GSC7]: Works Cited Page was left out.

Lopez 25

25

Jennifer Lopez

Professor Horton

English 1101

September 19, 2011

With Liberty and Justice for All…

In the article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, by Jose Antonio Vargas, he

writes about his life as an illegal immigrant and how he overcame obstacles living in America. In

his eyes, his mother sent him to a mysterious place that he’s never been to before, to live with his

grandparents to have a better life when he was just 12 years old. At the age of 16, he realized that

all of his “documents” were false, and he was going to be very restricted in how he lived for the

rest of his life. On that day he was determined that he would he wouldn’t let anyone tell him he

wasn’t worthy of becoming a citizen. During high school, his love for journalism kept him at

school after hours and his teachers saw great promise in him and encouraged him to go on to

college and pursue a career in the journalism field. To his dismay, he could not go to college

since he couldn’t apply for financial aid and his grandparents couldn’t afford to pay for him

through college. Even though many obstacles were ahead of him, Jose was determined that

nothing would get in his way of pursuing his dream of becoming a writer. After high school, he

went on to land a job for a local newspaper, The Mountain View Voice, as well as many other

big newspapers such as the Seattle Times, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Washington Post,

Huffington Post and the New York Times. In the article, he writes, “We’re not always who you

think we are. Some pick your strawberries or care for your children. Some are in high school or

college. And some, it turns out, write news articles you might read. I grew up here. This is my

home. Yet even though I think of myself as an American and consider America my country, my

Lopez 26

26

country doesn’t think of me as one of its own.” (Page 1). He paid his taxes and worked for

several major newspapers but the only thing that he didn’t have was his name on an official

document. Many immigrants only wish to come to the United States to give their children a

better life, but it seems as though America doesn’t really want them here or to welcome them

here as their own. Each year hundreds of thousands of young people come to the United States,

only to receive a proper education but each year some are deported back to their country to a life

of poverty.

There was a girl that I met in my freshman year of high school, who shared the almost the

same story as Jose Vargas. Her name was Maria and I met her in my Business class on the first

day of school. It was a stressful time for all incoming freshmen but we became the best of

friends. She began telling me where she was from and about her family. She immigrated here

when she was 5 years old from Colombia. While discussing what we wanted to do after high

school, she said she was planning on pursuing Business Administration in college. There were

many students in our graduating class of 2011, but it seemed as though Maria was one of the

few who actually cared about going to school and I thought that warning new things. She had

everything put together and as a freshman in high school, I had no idea what I was going to do in

college. Through the years that I’ve gotten to know her, I could see just how different she was

from most of the students in our class. Maria was ambitious, determined and studious. I would

always try to ask her about college and things of that nature but he didn’t seem to like the

subject. I wasn’t going to push her too much though; I could already tell that she got upset

whenever I mentioned it. I just thought that maybe the topic of college stressed her out a little so

I continued to stay quiet.

Lopez 27

27

One day, while Maria and I were in Business class, I began listening to the sounds and

conversations around me and heard numerous unbelievable conversations. One of our classmates

said, “I’m not going to college because I’m just going to sell pot for the rest of my life and get

rich”. Another student beside me said, “This class is pointless, I’m just going to inherit my dad’s

restaurant and run it for the rest of my life”. There are many students in the United States that

do not wish to learn or to pursue a higher education. The point is to learn about new careers and

to explore new interests. Everyday our principal would remind us how bad our test scores were,

how many students would skip class, and how severe our punishment would be if we did skip

class. It was a waste of oxygen on his part. He couldn’t expect everyone to be on the same level

as the county standards. The numbers of students in In School Suspension were increasing by the

day. What kind of punishment is that? To not go to class and to sit in a room and listen to music

and play games? That is not a punishment, that’s a reward.

Students like Maria have to work so hard to maintain their GPA to receive a chance of

going to college. Why should the bothersome students disrupting the class affect her education?

And it’s not just the American student affected by the inconsiderate students. Foreign exchange

students as well as immigrants from other nations are influenced. Their families sent them here

to receive a better education and to learn the language like other students. America is supposed

to be a country of new opportunity and wealth. Instead, America is rich with arrogance. In 2009,

Maria told me that she was an illegal immigrant and I realized that her efforts go to college were

just leading her to disappointment. She couldn’t go to college and pursue her dreams of owning

her own business because her family didn’t have the money to send her and she couldn’t apply

for financial aid.. Maria graduated with honors and it showed how much she really wanted to go

to college and to make her parents proud. Like many other immigrants, all Maria wanted was a

Lopez 28

28

chance for a better life and to receive a proper education but she can’t because America won’t

treat her as if she’s a citizen, even though she’s proven that she can work hard.

Maria graduated at the top ten of her class. She was junior and senior class president with

a 4.0 GPA. Whenever she is not babysitting, she likes to attend immigration rallies to show her

support and to rally wit other students who have been affected by the government. These

students show that they will stop at nothing for a shot at an education in the United States. In the

article, “My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant”, Jose Antonio Vargas talks about a group of

four students who walked from Miami to Washington to lobby for the Dream Act, a nearly

decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal permanent residency for young

people who have been educated in this country. Their dedication and their want to learn just like

Maria should be proof enough to the government that they can rise above most. Maria spends her

time babysitting out of her home in Athens, GA to save up enough money until one day she can

have enough for a high education. She won’t stop for anything until the day comes for her

opportunity. She is too afraid to obtain papers for her to become a citizen here because the

government may find out of her legal status. She still sits at home waiting for her chance.

Immigrants that come to America wish to improve their lives and to live the American

Dream. There’s a reason why they come here and most Americans believe that they come here to

take our jobs. They are just like us; they wish to provide a better life for their families, and to

bring food to the table. Young people that want to go to college and pursue a degree should be

granted citizenship. Some students in the US today don’t even care to receive an education and

don’t take the opportunity to go to school for free. Why should we as taxpayers pay for them to

go to school if they don’t even want to sit in a classroom? Most immigrants hope for the passing

of the Dream Act, a nearly decade-old immigration bill that would provide a path to legal

Lopez 29

29

permanent residency for young people who have been educated in the United States. Even

though there is constant debate over whether it should be passed or not, there is still faith for

immigrant students. The citizens of the United States need to look at the potential of these young

people. Why should Maria, an honor student not be able to receive an education in the US just

because of her immigration status?

Lopez 30

30

Works Cited



the good the bad & the ugly of english 1101

Documents

ugly of english

writing pieces

successful essay final

basic high school writing

final portfolio

rich pieces of writing

basic skills

new level