the forest, the trees, the desert and the good news: what couples need from us today

Orientation Sept 11 '09 Mike Phelan

The journey or conversion from a rather external and vague level of faith, typical of many young people, to a discovery of the "Christian mystery" is both essential and decisive: a faith that involves the communion of Grace and love with the Risen Christ.

(Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage , 25)


the “fundamental cell of society

and the Church” (Vatican II)

the sanctuary of life (John Paul II)

the domestic church (Vatican II, John Paul II)

“the first and indispensable teacher of peace.”

(Benedict XVI, Message for World Day of Peace,

2008)


Society = Relationships

Annual Rejection Ratio: For Every 100 Children Born Sources: CDC/ NCHS report series

0.0

10.0

20.0

30.0

40.0

50.0

60.0

70.0

80.0

90.0

100.0

Divorce

OWB

6050403020100


International Rejection Ratio

0

10

20

30

40

50

60

70

80

90

100

POLAND

U

S

A

IDEAL OF FAMILY PRESENCE IN SOCIETY/CHURCH

REALITY OF FAMILY

(**2.11 children born per woman necessary to sustain a population)

France—1.9 Germany—1.3 Japan—1.2 Italy—1.2 Spain—1.2 U.S.—2.11


’07 U.S. Births Break Baby Boom Record New York TimesBy ERIK ECKHOLMPublished: March 18, 2009

More babies were born in the United States in 2007 than in any other year in American history, according to preliminary data reported Wednesday by the National Center for Health Statistics.

…The 4,317,000 births in 2007 just edged out the figure for 1957, at the height of the baby boom. The increase reflected a slight rise in childbearing by women of all ages, including those in their 30s and 40s, and a record share of births to unmarried women.

…The new report also found that the share of births to unmarried women of all ages reached a record high of 40 percent of all births in 2007, the most recent data available. This continued a marked trend upward in unwed births since 2002.

The growth has mainly been fueled by increases among adult women, Ms. Ventura said. Racial and ethnic differences remain large: 28 percent of white babies were born to unmarried mothers in 2007, compared with 51 percent of Hispanic babies and 72 percent of black babies. The shares of births to unwed mothers among whites and Hispanics have climbed faster than the share among blacks, but from lower starting points.



•Idealistic

•Noble Hopes

•Sense that “Love Conquers All”

•Strong sense of equality in relationship

•Concern for providing for each other/children


•Fear

•Woundedness

•Unrealistic Expectations

•Weak Catechesis

•Cohabitation

•Multiple Sexual Encounters

•“Dark Rooms”—areas not communicated

The “Familial Matrix” in the local culture obscures increasingly the meaning and importance of marriage:

Often few positive, stable examples in couple’s lives/subsequently, fear of commitment

Decrease in marriages of all types [example: Diocese of Phoenix marriages1993 (1,542 total marriages) -2007 (1,389 total marriages)]

Example 2: Since 1993, in the four counties that make up the Diocese of Phoenix, despite an increase of approx. 1 million people, marriages have remained steady in number (about 15,000 per year). Divorces have increased (17,000-23,000) during this period.

Meteoric rise in cohabitation, with far less expectation of marital success

Fundamental disconnect between marriage and children (loss of “child-centeredness,” Popenoe, 2006)◦ Popular examples reinforce trend


The Church has the “map”

to a successful marriage,

even a joy-filled marriage.


Couples who live marriage according to the teachings of the Church—in particular, Natural Family Planning

◦ Have a <4% Divorce Rate◦ Report greater marital satisfaction◦ Tend to live more joyous, fruitful marriages◦ Tend to see difficulty/suffering as a part of

marriage, even see it can have positive effects on their character and marriage


1. John Paul II: “a serious preparation of young people for marriage, one which clearly presents Catholic teaching on this sacrament at the theological, anthropological, and spiritual levels.” (CA 46)

2. Instruction in prayer, as couple3. Confirmation of their true desires, clear warnings about

counterfeit love4. Heroes: Mentor Couples where possible5. A personal encounter with Jesus Christ6. Follow-Up: What Sustains after Wedding?

7.


During the 20th Century, the Magisterium of the Church has explicitly taught with greater and greater urgency the need for more thorough preparation for marriage:

Casti Connubii, Pope Pius XI, 1930, Sections 112-115 Gaudium et Spes, Vatican II, 1965, Section 49 Familiaris Consortio, Pope John Paul II, 1981, Section 51 Letter to Families, Pope John Paul II, 1994, Section 16 Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage, Pontifical Council for the

Family, 1996

The US Conference of Catholic Bishops: 2004-2011, National Pastoral Initiative on Marriage— “Our Highest

Priority” For Your Marriage Website


Initial Policy—1978

2nd Policy—1998

Covenant of Love—Promulgation—July 26, 2009

Implementation—January 1, 2010


1. 2005—Research begins;2. 2007—Drafting team formed:

Clergy Lay Leaders in parish MP, Spanish MP

3. April 2008—First Draft produced;4. Summer 2008 —Official Readers give input;5. September 2008 —Pres. Council;6. Sept-Nov 2008—Clergy review, give feedback,

Presented for vote to Pres. Council;7. Dec. 2008—April 2009 Policy Committee review;8. April-July 2009—Final Draft reviewed and approved by

Bishop Olmsted, Promulgation


Three stages of Marriage Preparation:◦ Remote◦ Proximate◦ Immediate


Describes the Process of Marriage Preparation.

Gives 5 Policy Points for 2010-forward


1998-2009: What is the difference?


1998 Policy

1. Some analysis of current issues, explanation of God’s plan and Pastoral response to crisis

2. Parish/Diocesan programs encouraged

3. Basic trainings for MPM’s and MPL’s

4. Two courses required (approx. 14 hrs.)

5. Introduction to Natural Family Planning

6. Cost of Preparation: $275 (Dioc. schol. available with MPM request)

7. Six-month prep period

2009-10 Policy

1. Analysis, diagnosis, theological understanding, pastoral response deepened

2. Parish/Diocesan/Online programs encouraged

3. More thorough training

4. Three courses required (approx. 26 hrs)

5. Full course in an approved method of NFP

6. Cost of Preparation: $315(Dioc. schol. available with MPM request)

7. Nine month prep period

8. Appendix updating pastoral approach to cohabitation/sexually active couples

1. Jan 1: A couple meets with Pastor or his delegate, parish starts couple’s Nuptial File.

2. Jan : Pre-nuptial inquiry (no “date” until completed) and FOCCUS inventory

3. Jan-Mar: Married Life Skills Course (weekend or 6-7 evenings)-ex: Love for Life, Engaged Encounter, Unitas or other approved program.

4. Mar-June: God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage -this will include the NFP Introduction

5. April- July: Full NFP Course (4 meetings)6. Aug 15—Sept 15: Reconciliation7. Aug 1-Sept 1: Final meeting with Pastor or his

delegate October 1st Wedding


Profile of Couples Seeking Marriage !!!!!!!!!

Theology of Marriage


Marriage Preparation Ministers (Clergy) and Lay Leaders (p. 25)

Special Circumstances (with Couples, p. 26)

Pastoral Care after Marriage (p.35)


Appendix I: Pastoral Care of Sexually Active/Cohabitating Couples◦ Assessment of the Situation◦ Goals Working with Couples◦ Determining Final Course of Action

Appendix II: Pastoral Consideration of Prenuptial Agreements


Purpose: Deeper, more Evangelistic and Catechetical course in Sacramentality of Marriage and the Implications for a Couple’s sexual relationship.

Format—single day or two-session, DVD/booklet and well-trained instructor couples, clergy (ideally a team of two couples and a priest or deacon)

Six Segments:1. Salvation History: Old Testament2. Salvation History: New Testament3. Canon Law: Defining Marriage 4. Sexual Honesty Before Marriage5. Sexual Honesty Within Marriage6. Intro to NFP


Brochure of “Steps” for couples; Videos:

◦ For couples: 26-28 min in length◦ For Mass use: 8-9 min in length

Website: ourcovenantoflovephx.org(purpose: explanation, catechesis; posting of trainings and registration for any Diocesan courses for your couples)

More thorough MP certification course; Trainings for parish personnel in Covenant of

Love and related programs (see insert for current schedule in fall)


the forest, the trees, the desert and the good news: what couples need from us today

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