the dartmouth review 3.11.2013 volume 32, issue 13

The Dartmouth Review March 13, 2013

Dartmouth’s Only Independent NewspaperVolume 32, Issue 13

March 13, 2013The Hanover Review, Inc.

P.O. Box 343Hanover, NH 03755

The Dartmouth Review

Facing DownDartmouth University


Strategic Planning Committee Reports:The Lowlights

Editor’s Note: The following recommendations for the College are drawn from the Strategic Planning Reports released Thursday, March 7th.

“Rename Dartmouth for international audiences by using Dartmouth University or some equivalent to refer to theinstitution as a whole.”

“Add faculty members who have multi-institution appointments, as well as faculty members who have multi-school appointments.”

“…education towards a purpose, with the focus being the end goal or issue, rather than the discipline itself…”

“The future vis ion for D a r t m o u t h G r a d u a t e Programs is that they should be based upon a structure which implicitly fosters activity around scholarly ideas and issues, rather than historical disciplines a n d u n d e r g r a d u a t e depar tments.”

“..a visible reminder of the presence of graduate students and research on the campus.”

“…increasing the continuity of the residential experience across all four years…” “...a reallocation of

faculty work effort toward research, scholarship, and creativity...”

“…we propose that the college make it a top priority to create an infrastructure through which Dartmouth faculty and staff help train a critical mass of high school students from underserved and non-traditional communities for success at Dartmouth.”

“Leading the Ivy League in the percentage of international students at both the undergraduate and graduate level by 2020.”

“...a massive infusion of resources, featuring a major increase in the size of the faculty and commensurate staff support without increasing the undergraduate student body.”

“The data amongst residential life experts shows clearly that bringing faculty and staff into the residential units—as occurs in the East Wheelock model—contributes to increased academic success among students and to decreased instances of dysfunctional behavior.”

Correction appended: The editorial in the March 4, 2013 issue of The Dartmouth Review made reference to “Paul Mingeroff ‘74.” The article should have read “Paul Mirengoff ‘71.” The error has been fixed in the online edition.

March 13, 2013 The Dartmouth Review

The findings of the Strategic Planning Committee, re-leased after four years of formulation, read like a lopsided spaghetti western; that is, there is very little good, some bad, and a lot of ugly. The reports offer recommendations for the College, with an eye turned to the College’s 250th anniversary in 2019. These recommendations will be presented to Dr. Hanlon when he assumes presidency of the College. A more fitting title would read, “The Bad, the Ugly, and the Expensive.”

I. The Bad The administration wants to promote research and scholarship above teaching, thereby relegating undergraduate education to secondary importance. The Strategic Planning Reports note, “Aside from undergraduate teaching and Tuck, Dartmouth has no unambiguously top 10 department or program.” Rather than encourage this teaching excellence, however, the very next sentence recommends “a reallocation of faculty work effort toward [research, scholarship, and creativity].” The sheer lack of logic is as-tounding. Undergraduate teaching is quite literally Dartmouth’s greatest strength, and is the quality for which the College is best known. The notion that it should be deprioritized in favor of research is not only senseless, but also actively perverts the mission of Dartmouth from its core values. Vague language offers even more troubling implications for undergraduate education. For in-stance, the reports encourage “embracing the best features of a world-class research institution with the community of scale associated with a traditional liberal arts college.” Dartmouth College is in trouble when it draws “community of scale” as the major worthwhile aspect of the liberal arts. The reports also recommend that Dartmouth lead the Ivy League in international students by 2020, while also calling for no increase in the size of the undergraduate student body. Holding in check the plain fact that the majority of international students would much prefer the experience of an American city to four years in the wilderness of New Hampshire, these two proposals invite a pressing question: if Dartmouth is to simultaneously promote a drastic increase in the number of international students without a concomitant rise in student population, should the College actively minimize its acceptance of American students?

II. The Ugly “Rename Dartmouth for international audiences by us-ing Dartmouth University or some equivalent to refer to the institution as a whole.” It bears noting that the Strategic Planning website has nearly done this already, referring to the undergraduate core of Dartmouth College as “Arts & Sciences” and placing it on

even keel with Thayer, Tuck, and Geisel. The Dartmouth College website, however, has yet to make that switch. There can be no mistaking the facelift that the Stra-tegic Planning Committee promotes for the College. The bottom line is consummately simple: stress the graduate programs and snub the undergrads. This is a multifaceted plan: allocate more resources towards the graduate schools, detach them from their cor-responding undergraduate disciplines, and afford them a more prominent place on the Dartmouth campus. Indeed part of the recommendation includes a graduate student center near the center of campus as “a visible reminder of the presence on graduate students and research on the campus.”

III. The Expensive The reports also suggest a host of vague, expensive initiatives without tangible improvement to the quality of undergraduate educa-tion. For instance, one proposal calls for the implementation of “an infrastructure through which Dartmouth faculty and staff help train a critical mass of high school students from underserved and non-traditional communities for success at Dartmouth.” Another suggests the creation of a “College within the College” for with its own residence, dining hall, faculty, staff, study areas, and classrooms. Naturally, the proposal holds that no existing

buildings are sufficient for these needs, and as such it is necessary to build what essentially amounts to an entirely new, self-contained campus.

But perhaps the most expensive element of the Strategic Planning Reports is the sheer magnitude of suggested non-teaching initiatives. There are literally dozens of these proposals, ranging from a new Office

of International Affairs to massively enhanced research infrastructure. The silver lining of the Strategic Planning Reports’ recommendations is that they are just that: recommenda-tions. Many are so absurd that it is unimaginable Dr. Hanlon will give them serious consideration. Others are plainly contradictory. Ultimately, the impetus is on Dr. Hanlon to reject a vision for Dartmouth that herald such drastic change as to terminate the College in order to introduce the University. If the Strategic Planning Committee Reports are the final legacy of the transient President Kim, one can only hope that the Dr. Hanlon has the presence of mind to recognize them as such and bury the recommendations as yet another failed, misguided attempt to force radical change on an institution that would sooner be left to its own devices as the best undergraduate college on the face of the planet. n

George A. MendozaFeatures Editor

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TheDartmouth Review

Lowlights from the Strategic Planning Committee Reports Page 2 Week in Review Pages 4 & 5 The Quest for the Best Page 6 Thoughts on Residential Communities Page 7 Students Rally for Dimenions...Sort Of Page 8 A Last Minute Goal on Princeton Page 9 The Surprisingly Watchable “Vagina Monologues” Page 9 A Lesson in Justice Page 10 The Liberating Arts Page 11 Last Word & Mixology Page 12

Adam I.W. Schwartzman

There can be no mistaking the facelift that the Strategic Planning Committee

promotes for the College. The bottom line is consummately simple: stress the graduate programs and snub the undergrads.

Chloe M. TeeterMedia Editor

Hilary Hamm • Kirk JingAssociate Editors

Facing Down Dartmouth University


Stinson’s: Your Pong HQCups, Balls, Paddles, Accessories

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employment. In a letter to the Northwestern Law community, Dean Daniel Rodriguez wrote, “we are not going to ignore the ways in which the legal economy af-fects our alumni, current students, and prospective students.” The plan to cut admissions will be accompanied by two other initiatives. First, tuition for North-western Law will only increase by 3%—the same increase as last year’s and as such the smallest in some 40 years. Additionally, the school will increase its financial aid program by 25% over the next two years. As an elite law school, Northwestern has not faced as severe difficulties as other institutions. Regardless, the numbers are clear. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, only 75,000 new jobs in the legal sector will be created in the next decade. That figure stands in stark contrast to 40,000, which is the number of law school graduates being churned out each year. Clearly, something has got to give.

Baby Cured of HIV An infant born with HIV in July of 2010 has been cured in a landmark case in the global battle against the AIDS virus. Within 30 hours of delivery, the baby began adher-ence to an aggressive treatment that continued for 18 months. Amazingly, this cure was done using

readily available drugs. However, scientists be-lieve that such a reversal is only viable if the infant begins antiretroviral drugs immediately after birth. In this specific case, the mother’s HIV infection was diagnosed during labor from a rapid test. Between 100 and 200 babies are born in the United States each year with HIV, and around 300,000 babies worldwide are born with this vi-rus, mainly in developing countries. This is only the second ever-documented instance of a person being cured during this 32 year-long global AIDS epidemic; Timothy Ray brown was functionally cured of the illness in 2007. Although this is a great advance in the search for a cure to HIV in babies, it typically takes up to six weeks to diagnose this infection. Faster methods of diagnosis are required before there can be any real hope.

Dennis Rodman: American Diplomat

Dennis Rodman is known for his eccentric hairstyles, tattoos, and piercings just as much as he is known for his skills as an NBA Hall-of-Famer. Recently, Rodman distinguished himself in an-other capacity: American diplomat. During a trip to North Korea with the Harlem Globetrotters, Rodman engaged in talks with the communist regime’s Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un. After this publicity stunt, Rodman’s nickname “The

The Week in Review

Harrington and Allan to Lead The Review

With another year of The Dartmouth Review come and gone, the paper’s outgoing editor-in-chief and president will be replaced by J.P. Harrington and Stuart A. Allan, both juniors at the College. Both Harrington and Allan will take over in the spring term, hopefully leaving Adam I. W. Schwartzman and Bejamin M. Riley with some well-deserved time to catch up on sleep.

UPenn Admissions Officer Axed

An admissions officer for the University of Pennsylvania was fired after it was found that she shared personal essays from applications to the school on her personal Facebook page. An anonymous message to both the Daily Pennsylvanian and UPenn Dean of Admissions Eric Furda revealed that Nadirah Farah Foley, a 2011 graduate of Princeton University, openly mocked several essays and their authors. In one instance, Foley wrote, “Stop the madness,” after a student shared that he had been circumcised at the University’s hospital. Although Foley’s departure from the Uni-versity of Pennsylvania is only a solitary case, it raises questions about both the confidentiality of personal essays and the role social media plays in the admissions process. Indeed it is not uncom-mon for college applicants to hide their identity on Facebook and other social media websites, it seems that those admissions officers with less-than stringent codes of conduct may want to consider following suit.

Northwestern Law Cuts Admissions by 10% The Northwestern University School of Law, ranked twelfth in the nation by the U.S. News and World Report, will cut acceptance rates for incom-ing classes by 10%, citing the oversaturation of the legal field and difficulty for recent graduates to find

“We’ll always have Sarner Underground.” -Col. James Donovan ‘39


The Week in Review

Worm” has taken on a whole new meaning, as he has become the first high-profile American to meet Kim since the despot took office in Decem-ber 2011. Wearing sunglasses and a blazer adorned with American dollar bills, Rodman appeared on ABC’s “The Week” with George Stephanopoulos on March 3 to discuss his visit to the rogue state. Apparently, after just two days together, Rodman took a liking to Kim. “He’s a good guy to me. He’s my friend,” Rodman said, adding, “I don’t condone what he does. But as a person to person, he’s my friend.” In his interview, Rodman urged President Obama to reach out to Kim, suggesting that the two could bond over their mutual love of basketball. In addition, Rodman noted that Kim doesn’t “want to do war” even though his state made direct nuclear threats again the United States earlier this year. The White House quickly put an end to any rumors of diplomacy with North Korea after criticizing the state for “wining and dining” Rodman while letting its own people starve. One can only expect that a trip of this nature would have some strange details. Rodman, thank-fully, did not disappoint. At one point, Rodman apparently forgot which Korea he was in, tweet-ing, “Maybe I’ll run into the Gangnam Style dud while I’m here.” Psy, the South Korean “Gangnam Style dude,” apparently took offense, retorting, “@dennisrodman I’m from #SOUTH man!!!” North and South Korea have, of course, techni-cally been at war since the Korean War ended in 1953 with a ceasefire rather than a formal peace treaty. Rodman said he already has plans to return to North Korea soon to “find out more what’s really going on.” One can only imagine what bountiful fruit these endeavors will bring.

The Crimson Defends Harvard College

Harvard is, to say the least, a popular punch-ing bag for the American Right. Bill O’Reilly has mocked its “pinheaded” professors for years, and more recently Senator Ted Cruz of Texas has decalred that during his time at Harvard Law the school had more revolutionary Communists than it had conservatives. Well, The Crimson will not take their insults any longer. In an editorial titled “Warning: Do Not Enroll,” the staff mockingly

dismissed the criticisms of Cruz and others by remarking that while Harvard may have “a few liberals,” they almost certainly “are not secret Communists.”This is, of course, quite true. Harvard didn’t have secret Communists because it had plenty of open Communists. John Womack of the History Department was an avowed Marxist and Com-munist, and Revolution Books just off campus hasn’t closed yet. The Crimson’s editors also reach by claiming that criticism of the school is anti-intellectual. Harvard’s undergraduate programs, long second fiddle to the graduate programs, have been a status symbol of ques-tionable academic superiority for years. Perhaps The Crimson is doing conservatives a favor by declaring they should look elsewhere before spending $50,000 a year.

Seattle Bar Bans Google Glass

A Seattle bar has outlawed Google Glass—the futuristic wearable computer being touted by Google founder Sergey Brin—before the product have been released commercially. 5 Point bar owner Dave Meinert said the ban was instituted preemptively to protect the privacy expected by his bar’s patrons. Google Glass, which may be available for purchase by the end of 2013, is described as an “augmented reality wearable computer” intended to offer users the functionality of a smart phone without the need for hands-on operation. The Glass is worn like a conventional pair of glasses. As Meinert told radio station KIRO-FM, “Part of this is a joke, to be funny on Facebook, and get reaction. But part of it’s serious, because we don’t let people film other people or take photos unwanted of people in the bar, because it is a kind of private place that people go.”

NYU President Faces Vote of No Confidence Faculty members of the New York University College of Arts & Sciences have initiated a no confidence vote against University President John Sexton. They maintain that Sexton has led the university like a corporation rather than an

academic institution, wielding too much power and making executive decisions without sufficient input from other members of the university com-mittee. Sexton’s leadership has seen the university transformed into an international institution with a number of “portal campuses” across the globe. Additionally, “NYU 2031” initiative has plans to expand the New York University campus in down-town Manhattan, garnering significant opposition not only internally, but also from citizens of New York City. It remains unclear how much of an effect this no confidence vote can have on Sexton’s presidency, as the ultimate decision to unseat him remains firmly in the hands of the university’s board of trustees. Unfortunately for those concerned with Sexton’s performance, the board has thus far been entirely supportive of his work.

Bloomberg’s Soda Ban Blocked

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s ban on sugary drinks above 16 ounces has been blocked one day before its implementation. Justice Milton Tingling agreed with New York-ers—both consumers and business owners—that the law is “arbitrary and capricious.” With the end of Mayor Bloomberg’s 12-year tenure fast approaching, Justice Tingling’s deci-sion poses a threat not only to this specific plan, but also to Bloomberg’s legacy as New York’s mayor. Although the plan has encountered resistance across New York—indeed some 60% of New Yorkers were against it in a poll taken by the New York Times, Bloomberg and public health officials alike tout it as crucial in the battle against obesity. Bloomberg has already stated his intention to appeal the decision. n

“I’ll probably just lodge an anonymous complaint on first floor Berry.” -Col. James Donovan ‘39


The Quest for the Best

Mr. Duva is a freshman at the College and News Editor of The Dartmouth Review.

By Nick Duva

The Geisel School of Medicine is making a push to reach the top 20 in medical school rankings by 2020, call-ing its effort the “2020 Strategic Plan for Excellence.” In the latest U.S. News and World Report list, the medical school comes in at 31st, tied with Boston University’s. This push comes at the same time the Board of Trustees is considering changing the name of the College to “Dartmouth University.” As such can be construed as another example of a larger migration from the prioritiza-tion of an undergraduate-centric liberal arts college to the push for a full-blown research university. The actual plan is not terribly detailed, but it none-theless sheds light on the adminis-tration’s mindset. On the medical school’s website, the “About the Geisel School” section is the only real description of the plan. It is little more than a series of awkwardly written, sometimes grammatically incorrect bullet points. At the bottom of the list is a link to the full “2020 Strate-gic Plan for Excellence,” limited to “Geisel School of Medicine faculty, staff and student access.” Interest-ingly enough, students at the medical school are still unable to access the webpage. The second heading on the webpage is titled “Why 2020 now?” Phrasing aside, it should be safe to assume that the four bullet points underneath it constitute the ratio-nale for the drive toward a higher ranking. The four points are just as tersely worded, but they do convey the administration’s underlying jus-tification for the campaign. In order, they are “Critical to Dartmouth’s reputation,” “Institutional alignment in place,” “Strong heritage to build upon,” and “Strong support from leadership.” The first point refers to Dartmouth as a whole (it ought to be obvious that the 2020 plan would improve the medi-cal school’s reputation, after all). What stands out about it is not that it mentions that the undergraduate college’s rankings would grow with a higher-ranked medical school,

only the somewhat ambiguous but that a higher-ranked medical school is “critical” to Dartmouth’s reputation. This is an odd conclusion. Only fifteen years ago in USNWR, the College was ranked higher than any other Ivy League school except Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. Today, Columbia and Penn occupy the fifth and sixth spots, respectively, while the University of Chicago and Caltech have crowded Dartmouth out the top-ten. But while Dartmouth as a whole has exhibited a sustained decline, our medical school has bucked the trend, rising from the 41st spot in 2000 to its current rank of 31st. Given this inverse relationship, it does not appear that the medical school’s ten-spot surge has had any appreciable impact on the College’s rankings, much less a “critical” one.

The truth is that Dartmouth’s graduate schools have never really had any impact on her reputation. What has made the College’s name is its strength of undergraduate education. Dartmouth simply did (and still does, according to US News) a better job of teaching undergraduates than any other university; the accolades rolled in as the College performed its role admirably and played to its traditional strengths.

But an increased focus on the medical school may not only have our reputation treading wa-ter; it might even start to sink it. Having a large medical school is expen-sive. Faculty, research, and facilities all cost money. That money takes another chunk out of a budget that has already been stretched thin to accommodate unneces-sary staff at twice market

wages. And while having a large medical school is ex-pensive, building one is even more so. The Board of the Trustees just approved a $116.5 million research building

on DHMC’s Lebanon campus. Only about $30 million is covered by donations. The reality is that when donations do come in, they support a bloated research institution, instead of a smaller liberal arts college. Even as Dartmouth eclipses Columbia

to become the most expensive school in the Ivy League for undergradu-ates, and as classes at the College hit all-new levels of over-enrollment, and double rooms are turned into miserable triples, the administration funnels money into all the wrong projects. This is but a taste of what may come as the “2020 Strategic Plan for Excellence” hits its stride. If the College continues along this course, it may hurt its undergradu-ate reputation—the one that matters most—even more. Naturally, then, the third point under “Why 2020 now?”—“Strong heritage to build upon”—falls apart. If the initiative actively undermines Dartmouth’s heritage as a top-tier liberal arts college, then it is replac-ing, not building upon any tradition of excellence that the school has heretofore enjoyed. Furthermore, if the heritage of the school was a valid inducement for “2020 now,”

why hadn’t anything like the plan been carried out in the last fifty years? The heritage was always there. The second and fourth points—“Institutional align-ment in place” and “Strong support from leadership—are irrelevant and redundant. Both say that the brass of the College is behind this move. and, in essence, that the authors of the 2020 plan agree with the 2020 plan. That’s not a legitimate argument for the expansion of the medi-cal school, especially when it has the potential for such deleterious effects on the College. As a simple analysis of the administration’s motivations shows, there really is no rationale for expanding the scope of the medical school as much as the 2020 plan seeks to achieve. If the drive succeeds, Dartmouth may very well have a top medical school on its hands. But it would gain that at the expense of its undergraduate education and prestige. There is nothing inherently wrong with an institu-tion choosing to focus on graduate programs. In the case of the College, however, it simply does not make sense. Dartmouth has a unique, Constitutionally-based history as a college, and despite the best efforts of the adminis-tration, still teaches undergraduates better than any other university in the nation. Dartmouth’s path to prestige lies in what it does best, not in a half-hearted, rural rendition of Harvard. n

Only fifteen years ago in the U.S. News and World Report, the College was ranked higher than any other Ivy League school

except Harvard, Yale, and Princeton. Today, Columbia and Penn oc-cupy the fifth and sixth spots, respectively, while the University of Chicago and Caltech have crowded Dartmouth out the top-ten. But while Dartmouth as a whole has exhibited a sustained decline, our medical school has bucked the trend, rising from the 41st spot in 2000 to its current rank of 31st. Given this inverse relationship, it does not appear that the medical school’s ten-spot surge has had any appre-ciable impact on the College’s rankings, much less a “critical” one.

While having a large medical school is expensive, building one is even

more so. The Board of the Trustees just approved a $116.5 million research build-ing on DHMC’s Lebanon campus. Only about $30 million is covered by donations.

—The recently renamed Geisel School of Medicine is getting a fix-up to the tune of $116.5 million.—

DARTREVIEW.COM


Thoughts on Residential Communities

Mr. Shear is a senior at the College and Executive Editor of The Dartmouth Review.

By Coleman E. Shear

There has been much talk of Dartmouth switching back to the residential housing system, where students are assigned a residence dorm that they are encouraged to live in for all four years of college. These residence halls are meant to keep a sense of community and stability. The remnants of this program can be seen in numerous Dartmouth dorms where the intramural sports records of are often posted in first floor hallways. The program ended in the early 1980s. Dartmouth has very little continuity in housing. Case-in-point: this author has not lived in the same dorm room for more than one term since his sophomore winter. This sort of housing situation, particularly when mixed with the D-Plan, can undermine community at Dartmouth.

Some students once they join fraternities lose contact with old friends from freshman year and lose interactions with different parts of campus that can be valuable during the college devel-opment period for influencing a person’s world outlook. The freshman floor is a great opportunity for people to really branch out of their comfort zone due to being with people of varying interests. After freshman year, students find themselves moving from dorm to dorm and the transient D-Plan lifestyle be-gins. Unlike fresh-man year where stu-dents plan activities such as pregames with floor mates, students often bare-ly know anyone on their floor and sometimes even discover at the end of the term that someone they know lives on their floor. If executed correctly, a return to a residential housing system could help encourage that sense of community at Dartmouth. Unfortunately, it seems though that Parkhurst intends to use this change not as a way to build community, but rather to weaken the College’s Greek system by phasing out fraternities and sororities as housing options.

The fear is that the Office of Residential Life could pos-sibly be trying to use residential houses the same way how the administration tries using “alternative social spaces” such as Sarner Underground. Unless residential houses provided mi-

nors with alcohol, its very unlikely that they would ever have the so-cial cache that fraternities offer. Parkhurst needs to realize that most of these initia-tives have failed in the past and that Dartmouth students over-whelmingly love the Greek system. In 2000, Presi-dent Wright intro-duced the Student Life Initiative, in which he pledged

to end single-sex housing in favor of a housing system where people can elect into certain residential clusters based on common interests. The system effectively offered affinity housing on a larger scale. Such a program would likely have replaced Dartmouth’s sense of community with self-segregation. Students should be wary that the switch to residential housing is once again masking an attempt to create a “new” Dartmouth. n

If executed correctly, a return to a residential housing system could help

encourage that sense of community at Dartmouth. Unfortunately, it seems though that Parkhurst intends to use this change not as a way to build community, but rather to weaken the College’s Greek system by phasing out fraternities and sororities as housing options.

—The McLaughlin residential cluster.—

The Baker-Berry Saga Continues Editor’s Note: The “Whining Wall of Baker-Berry Li-brary” has been replaced by a wall of anonymous confessions. Photographs of the new wall of emotional exhibitionism are displayed below.


Students Rally for Dimensions...Sort of

Mr. Neff is a senior at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review.

By Blake S. Neff

For those who don’t know, the Dimensions show was performed every year for admitted students when they arrive en masse to visit the school in spring term. After keeping pro-spective students in the dark, a team of freshmen unleashed a humorous show adapting modern pop hits into educational tunes about Lone Pine Land. I must confess to having never seen it (I visited Notre Dame that weekend), but it’s apparently super-duper funny and many people credit it with helping them decide to matriculate here. Well, that was plainly too much of a good thing, so in a fit of inspiration the geniuses at the admissions office shipped Dimensions’ metaphorical Boxer off to the glue factory. In place of enjoyable song and dance, the program will now feature a “heightened focus on how Dartmouth helps students achieve academic success,” which makes two things clear: First, that admissions thinks prospective students don’t re-member that Dartmouth is an Ivy League school, and second, that they’re still obsessed with trying to out-Harvard Harvard even though that is impossible. Students have not taken this news sitting down. Well, okay, they actually mostly have, but now they are spending their sit-down time posting angry comments on articles in The Daily Dartmouth, which to their credit is at least a step up from watching videos of screaming goats on Youtube. One man, however, had the courage to go farther, to really do something. He wanted to put the fear of God in Parkhurst, so they would forget their foul Harvardization plots and instead dwell only on a fear of imminent annihilation at the wrathful hands of bloodthirsty students. He wanted to change the world. So he started a Facebook group. And, for three days at least, what a group it was! The opening post was truly some-thing to behold, a nearly thousand-word broadside tearing into the constant lies and perfidies that emanate from that den of sin and iniquity, Parkhurst. In that Facebook post, Carol Folt is described as a perpetrator of “crimes against humanity,” Dean Johnson as “useless as a trap door on a canoe,” and the administration at large as “a revolting mass of amalgamated fecal matter worthy only of being permanently flushed down the toilet bowl of history.” Okay, one of those was made up. Since people could freely add their friends to the group without having to ask them, membership rapidly ballooned to over 3,000. You may have noticed that I haven’t named the intrepid founder of this group, and that is because it’s not entirely

clear who the true founder is. The administrator of the group is Brian Holekamp ‘12. However, when I tried to arrange an interview with him, I learned that Holekamp was merely a front, a willing façade hiding the true mastermind: recently graduated Travis Blalock ’12. Well, that was an interesting twist! Digging deeper, I contacted to Blalock for information on the Facebook group—particularly his involvement, even as an alumnus. To my surprise, Blalock maintained that Holekamp was indeed the real force behind the group and that he had merely offered some moral support and advice. While the entire truth behind the movement remains unclear, it appears that Blalock and Holekamp both had a hand in its founding. Regardless of who created the group, it already seems to be turning into a textbook case of Facebook activism: A spark, a flurry of activity and optimism, and then nothing. In

the two days after the group’s creation several other people made posts and comments, but since February 29th nobody has said a thing. While “Brian Holekamp” posted another entertaining philippic against Interim President Folt and her cronies, no actual plans were posted attempting to organize a concerted effort against the administration’s plan. This is quite disappointing, as the group’s successful rapid increase in size shows there is no lack of enthusiasm for bringing the Dimensions show back. However, change requires real work, and not just angry Facebook posts. Said work could take many different forms, from deliberately sabotaging school yield by warning prospective students of Dartmouth’s precipitous downward trend, to holding a 400 person sit-in at McNutt, to storming Parkhurst like the modern-day Bastille that it is and burning it to the ground. The point is, something needs to be done in real life. Otherwise, we may as well just bring back the Whining Wall in Baker. n

How to Bring Back Dimensions: Dartmouth has erupted with justified anger over the College’s decision to cancel the very popular Dimensions musical show held each year for prospective Dartmouth students. Many students have credited the show as a major part of their decision to attend the school, and are disappointed with yet another administrative move that robs Dartmouth of its unique identity in an effort to out-Harvard Harvard. Apparently, some students want to have a protest soon on the Green or in front of Parkhurst. While I’m sure the administration will quake in its boots at a few dozen students giving them a strongly-worded verbal lashing, for some reason I suspect that this will not make them change their minds. This is unfortunate, as students could very easily get the Dimensions show brought back if they simply employed better tactics. I have an alternative strategy I believe is worthy of consideration: Students, if you want the show brought back, organize yourself into a group and announce that until it returns, you will aggressively discourage students from coming to Dartmouth. Then, live up to this promise. Approach tour groups and warn them about a grossly bloated administration that routinely goes against student interests because it cares only about nickel-and-diming them as much as possible while watching out for its short-term reputation. Volunteer to host prospies this coming spring and urge them to go elsewhere. Get enough people on board with this project and Parkhurst will be crapping its pants in no time. The school’s ability to attract an Ivy League-quality student body is dependent on its ability to get students to play along and promote the school ahead of its competitors. Deny them the ability to do this and they will come around. But hey, if you think your Facebook petition is a better approach, go ahead and stick with that. n

Letter to the EditorDear Editor,

I write a letter to the president of the College every year. He never writes back. Come to think of it, maybe he hasn’t seen the letters. A man of courtesy would reply and I should think the president of this fine institution is a man of courtesy. I’ll have my secretary look into this. Ever since they switched to automobiles the post office has gone downhill. Straight down.

They say there are no atheists in foxholes. I say never trust a mailman any farther than you can throw him.

But on to the point. When I was a student in Hanover, Dartmouth was a finishing school where they took moldable young chaps and turned them into rugged men of the North. The place was barely a college. We had President Bartlett, the Old Pine, and all the rotgut whiskey your heart desired. It was only a few years after I graduated that the Old Pine came down, and I do not believe the College was ever quite the same after that.

“Out with the old and in with the new.” Poppycock, if you ask me.

Presently, I gather that the school is considering a name change to Dartmouth University. It seems to me that a fresh coat of paint never did solve a problem. This little school up in the Frozen North has been Dartmouth College for nearly two hundred and fifty years, and I’ll be damned if it don’t stay the same for another five hundred.

For my own part, I doubt I’ll see the day the College turns 250 years of age. By my reckoning, that’s still about six years down the line. But it is the sincerest hope of this curmudgeon that love for the College triumphs over the actions of a few foolhardy administrators.

The next time you see that president of the College, you tell him that old P.C. History is gunning for him, and P.C. still packs one hell of a right hook.

Faithfully yours, P.C. History Class of 1890


By William D. Peters By now, most of campus knows about the tradition of performing the “Vagina Monologues” as a part of Dart-mouth’s celebration of “V Week.” I attended the second performance of the run because I had a close friend in the show. Put simply, I expected to abhor it, and to sit uncomfort-ably, immersed in a raging sea of angsty feminists. I thought the show would merely consist of a series of graceless rants that bashed men and praised women as supreme beings. The first segment, featur-ing the Rockapellas, pertained to date rape. I found it sloppy, lacking in any sort of rhythm, and difficult to follow from an artistic standpoint. However, I quickly found myself shifting from sitting uncomfort-ably, guarding my manhood, to sitting forward with wide eyes and open ears to listen to the real message, one that presents a real issue that is often ignored. My chest was tight and I had a light coat of sweat on my face after the first monologue and I remember thinking: it’s going to be long performance. After the first monologue, the show became a roller coaster of laughter, sexiness, sassiness and sorrow. Some-times all of those elements crashed into one another in a display of finely crafted speech and motion. I must admit, I have never experienced a performance that so effectively shifted the mood of the audience by taking them from high to low so drastically, so unapolo-

getically, and so earnestly. With this versatility, the 2013 performance touched on so many aspects of womanhood that I was shocked they were able to fit it all into the 90 minute performance. The monologues ranged from the tale of a six-year-old girl to that of a woman in her 70’s. The performances covered rape, assault, appearance, identity,

confidence, fear, oppression, empowerment and the many aspects of sexuality. The show successfully drew increased awareness to women’s issues both on campus and around the world. Perhaps one of its greatest achievements—particularly in the setting of Dartmouth College—was that it did not unilaterally focus on the concerns of women to the detri-ment of men; instead, it strived to bridge the gender divide and encourage all members of the audience to think critically about violence against women. When another man sat next to me before the performance began, I felt relieved. By the finale, we had both been moved by the show’s message. As an interesting note, it seems the leaders of the production have come under fire because

the cast and crew were not sufficiently diversified. The criticisms were levied that the only significant parts given to black women were centered on vaginal mutilation and rape in war torn countries. Put simply, this is not true at all. Nkenna Ibeakanma ‘16 and Elise Smith ‘13, two black women performing monologues were some of the most entertaining and pow-erful members of the cast. However, the show did use the ethnicity of its per-formers to its advantage. Kripa Dongol ‘16 and Ashley Afranie-Sakyi ’13 also performed one of the show’s most powerful scenes, titled “My Vagina was My Village.” The duo conducted alternating monologues that touched on the horrific acts of violence and sexual torture that are carried out in war torn countries. Their foreign accents enhanced the message being given to a predominantly white, American audience. It would not have rung true if two Caucasians from Westchester County got up on stage and delivered that same message. At the end of the day, this performance excelled because it brought together Dartmouth students to create something artistic and inspiring that opens audiences’ eyes to women’s issues. The directors made the most of the resources given to them, and worked the unique stories of the students involved into a compelling overall presentation. As an audience member, I was both surprised and engaged by the entire performance. n

By Alex Kane

Fans of Dartmouth hockey held their breath in Thompson Arena on Friday, as Princeton led the game 2-1 from the 12th minute of the second period well into the third. The College’s squad, ranked 18th, kept the pressure on Princeton, constantly trying to break through their tough defense. With 3:37 re-maining in regulation, Jesse Beamish ‘15 delivered, tying the game at 2-2. His goal would prove to be the highpoint of a hard-fought, but ultimately disappointing competition. The game started off well for the Indians, with captain Mike Keenan ‘13 firing a shot off of a series of passes from Brett Patterson ‘16 and Charles Mosey ‘15. The puck flew past the Princeton goaltender about fifteen minutes into the first period. The crowd went wild, with tennis balls flying over the glass from the student section. Chants and cheers engulfed the arena. Princeton evened the score, however, just two minutes after the ice was cleared. The Tiger’s forward Will MacDon-ald scored off of a faceoff. Roughly twelve minutes into the second period, Andrew Ammon followed up with a second goal for Princeton, bringing the score to 2-1. For most of the forty minutes that Princeton held the lead, energy remained high. Dartmouth continued to put pressure on the Tigers, taking over twenty shots on goal while they were down. Yet Princeton’s defense presented a formidable obstacle,le frustrating the home team’s repeated attempts to even the score. As time went on, the Tigers’ smothering pace of play seemed to be breaking the Indi-ans’ resolve. Reflecting on the game, Beamish observed, “They’re a hardworking, relentless team that finishes all their checks and tried to wear us down. For a skill team like us, continually getting hit can take a toll.” It took a toll off the ice as well, for as the audience watched shot after shot fall wide of the net, the energy in the arena seemed to slowly taper off. As time in the third period ran down, the excitement in the air was replaced by a deep tension. Though Princeton constantly checked the Dartmouth

players, the physicality threatened at moments to spill over after the plays ended, with players occasionally grappling one another before being broken up. Throughout the third period, the Indians stayed fo-cused despite the uphill battle they faced. “I don’t think any-thing changes mindset-wise, it’s just a matter of trying to rally everyone to stick to the game,” said Beamish. But for the team, one thought remained constant: “[We] just knew we had to get at least one point.” As the end of the third period drew near, Dartmouth continued to drive hard down the ice. The Indian offense remained on point, playing with the technical skill and offensive flair that makes short work of so many other teams. With around four minutes left, Mosey managed to get the puck on his own. He and Eric Neiley ‘15 worked the play behind the net, before pushing the puck on to Beamish. During the chaos that the maneuver caused in front

of the goal, Princeton goaltender Mike Condon found himself out of position in front of the net. Beamish took advantage of the oversight and snuck a shot around the post to even the score. The fans in the arena erupted at once into a raucous storm of ap-plause.

The momentum carried through to the overtime, provid-ing for a tense five minutes of additional play. In the final minutes of the game both teams played aggressively, although a succession of penalties left both teams playing without a man. In the end, however, neither could mount a successive

offensive push that would secure the coveted victory. The match ended in a draw.

Despite the less than ideal con-clusion, there were some bright spots. Goaltender Charles Grant ‘16 finished in top form. After making several huge saves in overtime he brought his number of shots stopped up to forty, the most saves since Jody O’Neil ‘12 denied forty-five in a game against Cornell last year. Even a f t e r the game, Beamish remained humble, saying, “It was a pretty lucky goal with pretty good tim-ing.” Beamish has stepped up like this before, however. In January, he scored a late game-winning goal against Harvard

at home. With a tie under their belt from the clash with Princ-eton, the Indians could have secured a first round bye in the playoffs if they won against #1 Quinnipiac the next night. Unfortunately, despite putting in a tough fight, Dartmouth lost 4-1. It had been the team’s senior night, with Mike Keenan, Dustin Walsh, Mark Goggi, Jason Bourgea, and Alex Good-ship—all of the class of 2013—receiving recognition for their dedication to the team. This Friday, they will take on Harvard in ECAC Hockey First Round at Thompson Arena. The Indians, fifth seed, will host the Crimson in a three-game series over the weekend. The winner will advance to play Quinnipiac, Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, Union College, or Yale University in the second round. n

Mr. Peters is a freshman at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review.

Mr. Kane is a freshman at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review.

The Surprisingly Watchable “Vagina Monologues”

A Last Minute Goal on Princeton

During the chaos that the maneuver caused in front of the goal, Princeton

goaltender Mike Condon found himself out of position in front of the net. Beamish took advantage of the oversight and snuck a shot around the post to even the score.

—Dartmouth Hockey’s Jesse Beamish ‘15 shot a last-minute goal to push Princeton into overtime. The game ended 2-2. —

Perhaps one of its greatest achievements—particularly in the setting of Dartmouth Col-

lege—was that it did not unilaterally focus on the concerns of women to the detriment of men; instead, it strived to bridge the gender divide and encourage all members of the audience to think critically about violence against women.

—The performance of the “Vagina Monologues” was a part of the College’s annual V-Week celebration—


A Lesson in Justice

Mr. Melvin is a junior at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review.

By John Melvin

A comparison of the Holocaust and 9/11 terrorist hi-jackings may lead one to conclude that the two events are very different. The death tolls, time frames, and geopolitical landscapes differ vastly. Why even compare? Can you com-pare? The tragedy of 9/11 seems to pale in compari-son to the Holocaust and general devastation of World War II. If there is anything about these genocides that should be easy to compare, it is the fates of their respec-tive architects: Adolph Eichmann and Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. Un-fortunately in the case of Mohammed, justice has run into its nemesis: the U.S. Court system. Eichmann, captured by the Israelis in Argen-tina in 1960, was tried and put to death in 1962. Mohammed, captured by the U.S. in 2003, is still “receiving due process.” Israel has given us a case study in how to detain and process a mass murderer. Unfortunately, the U.S. has decided not to use the blueprints. Adolph Eichmann was accepted into the Schutzstaffel in 1932 and begun his ascent within the Nazi ranks. After several years of military life, Eichmann was invited to Palestine by an SS superior to discuss the possibility of a mass emigration of German Jews to Palestine. After failing to strike a deal, Eichmann returned to Germany to work in the Office for Jewish Emigration. He was regarded as an “expert in Jewish matters.” In 1941, Eichmann was ordered to attend the Wannsee Conference as recording secretary. He was able to take part in integral discussions regarding how Germany would be able to exterminate all Jews residing in German occupied lands. Eichmann was promoted to the position of Trans-portation Administrator of the “Final Solution to the Jew-ish Question.” He was responsible for every aspect of the train transportation of Jews to the death camps. In 1945, Eichmann was quoted, “I will leap into my grave laughing because the feeling that I have 5 million human beings on my conscience is for me a source of extraordinary satisfac-tion.”

In 1944, Eichmann received the order to shut down the concentration camps and destroy all evidence of the final solution. He originally ignored the order and carried on with executions until the Russians were closing in on Budapest. Eichmann was captured by the Allies in 1946, but man-aged to escape after using a fake name. He escaped down South in Italy, where he received a passport from the Red Cross. Eichmann managed to escape to Argentina in 1950, where he would soon relocate his family and restart his life. Or so he thought. Eichmann’s escape spurred one of the most interesting manhunts in history. The Israeli intel-ligence agency Mossad had made one of its main objectives to track down and capture Nazi war criminals. Eichmann had changed his name, but not those names of his family members. Receiving a tip from a Holocaust survivor who recognized the name, the Israelis began surveillance and confirmation of Eichmann’s identity. In 1960, the Israelis sent a combat team to Argentina to capture Eichmann in broad daylight. After the successful capture, the Israeli

team drugged and disguised Eichmann as a drunk airplane passenger and brought him to Israel to face justice.The backlash was predictable. Argentina was outraged that it was not informed and that its sovereign rights as a

country had been violated. Israeli courts ignored the issue of legality pertaining to Eichmann’s capture. Eich-mann was promptly put on trial and given a chance to defend himself. He claimed that he was only following the orders given to him by his superiors. Testimony from both Holocaust survivors and the Nuremburg trials quickly sunk his defense. A U.S. Naval Officer even testified that Herman Goring had made it very clear that, “Eichmann was the man to determine, in what order, in what countries, the Jews were to die.” Eichmann was con-victed and sentenced to death. He was hanged on May 31, 1962. The whole process,

from beginning to end, took Israel 2 years to before justice was served to the mass murderer. They were not afraid to overstep international borders or violate laws to capture their man. They also made sure to it was done in a timely manner. Khalid Sheikh Mohammed’s story has quite a dif-ferent ending; that is to say, none. Mohammed was partially educated in the U.S., graduating from college in North Carolina in 1986. After graduation, he went to Afghanistan to find the Soviets alongside the mujahedeen. Mo-hammed’s anger towards the U.S. stemmed from foreign policy regarding Israel. Avoiding arrest, Mohammed moved throughout the Middle East in the 1990’s while expanding his network with various jihadists. After seeing the respect his nephew received for the 1993 WTC bombings, Mohammed became increasingly involved in the planning of terrorist attacks against America. He became obsessed with maximizing the fatalities resulting from airplane hijackings. In the late 1990’s, Mohammed returned to Afghanistan where he began work-ing hand in hand with Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden. After out-lining his original idea for a quadruple hi-jacking (which would later became the 9/11 plot), Mohammed was convinced by bin Laden to join Al Qaeda as a leader. They began planning the 9/11 attacks; Bin Laden provided the fi-nance and manpower while Mohammed organized the plans and operations. M o h a m m e d would soon refuse bin Laden’s demand that the attack happen earlier, in mid-2000, to strike back at Israel. Mohammed insisted the plans be put on hold until the hijacking crew was ready to attack the build-ing targets, not just crash the plan into the ground. Moham-med also is believed the be responsible for the capture and beheading of CNN reporter Daniel Pearl. In March 2003, U.S. authorities managed to capture

Mohammed in Pakistan. Mohammed was transported to a secret CIA prison, where he was subjected to enhanced interrogation techniques including water boarding. After four years in custody, Mohammed confessed to organizing the 9/11 attacks “from a to z.” Many human rights group protest the validity of the confession since Mohammed was known to be tortured during his captivity. Enter the U.S. Court System. In September 2006, President Bush announced that Mohammed and several other Al Qaeda detainees would be transported to Guantanamo Bay for detention and charges before military commissions. In a pre-trial hearing, Moham-med confessed again to the 9/11 attacks and several other high profile terrorist plots. Mohammed and his fellow conspirators are charged with several war crimes, terrorism, and around 3000 counts of murder. All five defendants were provided with lawyers and laptops to do research for their defense. In December, the defendants all expressed their wish to plead guilty and receive the death penalty. But those pleas could go through until the defendants receive mental competency hearings. In November 2009, Attorney General Eric Holder announced that Mohammed and the other four defendants would be transferred to New York to receive a federal civilian trial. So in January 2010, all of the military commission charges were dropped with-out prejudice. The Obama administration insisted that the military tribunals were “poorly thought out” and undermined our capability to ensure justice. What Holder and Obama conveniently did not add was that it would cost some $400 million in security for trial and another $200 million dollars annually if the trial ran beyond a year. After the uproar ceased, Obama finally relented in April 2011 and announced that the defendants

would be tried in a military commission at Guantanamo Bay. Here we stand today. Pre-trial hearings are currently being held. The defense and media have done their best to discredit the military court pro-cess. The defense claims they are being recorded with secret microphones and the military is preventing the possibility of

a fair trial. The recent update is that the trial will begin at earliest in 2014. But don’t worry, I’m sure Khalid Sheikh Moham-med and his pals are paying for all the defense expenses. Wouldn’t it be awful if my tax payer dollars were being used in a defense of a man who murdered my countrymen en masse? It will be at least ten years from Mohammed’s capture before this trial reaches a conclusion. The Israelis only needed two. That’s before I remind you that Moham-

med and company have pleaded guilty and asked for the death penalty. Somewhere in the line of think-ing that everyone de-serves a fair trial, we have been completely blinded from our intui-tive sense of justice. The harm caused to the average American who is forced to pay for the inefficiencies of our court system greatly outweighs the marginal benefits of extending a mass mur-derer’s trial to ridicu-lous lengths to ensure a fair trial. It could not be any more clear that these defendants will never get a fair trial because of the nature of their crimes against

humanity. How long must the end of this trial be delayed for before we say enough? The answer to this question is unclear. The only thing that is clear is that the U.S. Court system could take some notes on how Israel manages the easy cases. n

—Khalid Sheikh Mohammed—

—Adolf Eichmann on trial in Jerusalem, 1961.—

What Holder and Obama conveniently did not add was that it would cost some

$400 million in security for trial and another $200 million dollars annually if the trial ran beyond a year. After the uproar ceased, Obama finally relented in April 2011 and announced that the defendants would be tried in a military commission at Guantanamo Bay.

Eichmann’s escape spurred one of the most interesting manhunts in history.

In 1960, the Israelis sent a combat team to Argentina to capture Eichmann in broad daylight. After the successful capture, the Israeli team drugged and disguised Eichmann as a drunk airplane passenger and brought him to Israel to face justice.


The Liberating Arts Editor’s Note: The following Convocation address was given by President John Sloan Dickey on September 22, 1954.

We come together this morning in Convocation to take our places side by side as this historic American liberal arts college gathers itself for another year—its 186th—in the endless pursuit of education. We who come back as teachers and upperclassmen are warmed and borne up by our return to that belonging which is the Dartmouth fellowship. To all the others who join us for the first time today, including especially the men of the Class of 1958, we promise you this: you are more than welcome, you are now one of us. A special word is due the men of 1958: as a group, at least up to now, you have had less shrink in you than your predecessors, and as a result you are perhaps the largest Freshman Class, and, my hand reminds me, certainly one of the most muscular ever to shake the hand of the President at matriculation. May it continue so even unto your 50th re-union. From here on out, however, our eyes will be on your size as individuals and not as a class. Over the next four years individual growth is the magic formula for “sanforizing” the Class of 1958. In recent years I have spoken on this occasion about some of the personal qualities that bear mightily on the will and capacity of a boy to raise a good man from whatever seed has been given him for the growing. The words are commonplace: humility, loyalty, integrity, a cooperative and moral outlook, manners fit for a man, and that ultimate discipline of self we call maturity. The words have been said at other Convoca-tions, but the relevance of these qualities is timeless except that for you and me the time is now, the place is Dartmouth, and the doing of these things must be yours at every point where you touch Dartmouth and she touches you. I say these things flatly, gentlemen, because it is only such men Dartmouth dare endow with the power of higher learning and only unto such hands ought her purposes be en-trusted. I must tell you, and remind myself, these are not mere sentiments of convenience; they are the conditions and commitments which sustain the existence of this College. There are many aspects of Dartmouth’s purpose we might usefully inquire into as we prepare to commit a year of life to her aims and work. I propose this morning to focus on the sentinel of Dartmouth’s purpose—the liberating arts. If the liberal arts have a meaning and utility of their own, Dartmouth presum-ably has a purpose which sets it apart from other types of educational enterprise. In probing this purpose it is worth noting that Dartmouth’s lifelong commitment to the primacy of undergraduate education, the central tenet of the historic American college, also sets her apart in climate, emphasis and, in some measure, in purpose from those vastly complex organisms we call universities. There is another factor in the character of the College as she stands today that has a particular pertinence to the mission of the liberal arts. Dartmouth is not merely a contemporary organization of educational activity; it is an institution with foundations deep in the soil of American experience. This institutional quality in a college, like a coral harbor, builds up year by year, generation by generation. It is this institutional quality that brings us to two reasons why the liberal arts can be counted on when it comes to the business of growing better men: First, that the liberal arts, as the chromosomes of civilization, bring the best of the past to the service of the present and, second, that out of their ever-renewing hybrid vigor they liberate the best in a man into an expanding future. Individually by our every thought and act we create the present by wagering our past on the future. This is true of the artist’s poised brush, the uplifted sword, the hesitant pen of statesmen and the undergraduate’s willingness to try anything once. The point is that out of such experiences as we’ve had each of us is ceaselessly placing personal wagers of judgment on what we think or assume or hope will be the better choice in a necktie, a fraternity, a course, a job, a wife, a foreign policy, and in the net of it all—a life. Important and reassuring as it surely is that life’s best teacher, experience, vouches for the liberal arts as the rich-est repository of earthly understanding and joy, I believe we do only very partial justice to our case if we rest it primarily

on this passive view of the liberal arts as being merely arts appropriate to a free man. This may have been an adequate view of the matter in societies where the destiny of a man in freedom, or in slavery, or in animal-like drudgery, was largely determined by the chance of birth. But that day is gone in our land and it is a day on which the sun will surely set in every land where the idea of human justice and freedom is known even to one as it must some day be known to everyone. In a free land the never-ending frontier of freedom’s forward thrust is each man’s mind. I suggest to you, and I avow for myself, that in our American society it behooves institutions of the liberal learning to take a dynamic view of their mission. Ours is the task to free as well as to nourish men’s minds. This is why, as I have sought to understand the nature of Dartmouth’s obligation to human society, I have come increasingly to think of our commitment of purpose as being to the liberating arts rather than just the liberal arts. It is the active, liberating quality of these arts, I believe, that makes them the “best bet” for Dart-mouth’s purposes. Any liberation means a conflict of counter values and forces whether the liberating be of an occupied nation or of an unoccupied mind—the only vacuum, incidentally, not abhorred by nature. Liberation in either sense involves valuing a thing not had and wanting it sufficiently to make the necessary disenthralling effort, even to the point of a struggle. The liberal arts become the liberating arts when taught, learned, and practiced as they were created, as the witness of a man by personal struggle pressing toward his richest

earthly destiny… If the liberal arts are these things, they are the product of the struggle, man by man, for the liberation of man’s mind and spirit; as the product of such a struggle, their beckoning example when sensed through the shared experience of good teaching cannot fail to kindle in men such as are gathered here those inner desires which, once truly lighted, carry forward a

man’s education almost in spite of himself. And there is yet another dynamic value in these arts that advances both the teaching and learning aspects of the educational process. The liberating arts, by their nature, are case studies in comparison and choice. Every good and every excellence has a history of many lesser alternatives.

Imaginatively taught and pursued, the liberal arts pres-ent choices ranging from the largest philosophic issues of wisdom and wrongdoing, through the dilemmas of statecraft, the hypotheses and many wrong ways of science to the most delicate variants of taste and style in expression and selec-

tion in all art forms. Few things are more basically liberating than the con-scious exercise of a choice. A man is known best by his choices. I find that as I work my way further and further into the mysteries of education, I place an ever higher value on the growth in a student of sensitivity to comparative data and this growing awareness of the opportunities of choice. We may fairly ask, could any field other than the liberal arts yield as broad and as significant an introduc-tion to life’s comparisons and choices; could any other provide a more vital classroom experience for the development of men who are free not primarily

because of birth, but because they have learned to use their birthright to choose a way of life? A final word—from what enslavement do we seek libera-tion? When one addresses himself to the theme of liberation on the large canvas of our time, he ultimately finds that re-gardless of contemporary figures and forms he is sketching an ancient story. Men have invented many ways to do the devil’s work and it sometimes takes a little while for a soci-ety to see through the most recent contraptions for creating hell on earth, but see through them we always have and in this respect the outlook at the moment is pretty good. It no longer requires either great daring or perspicacity to spot the common blight of mind and spirit inherent in the brutish and conspiratorial devices of communism and fascism, and, in our domestic life, processes of fairness and principles of decency have happily escaped becoming partisan issues. Even though the course ahead is dim and rugged, we can say today, as a strong America has finally been able to say in other periods of stress and crisis, we know whereof are the ways of enslavement and the ways of freedom. That, gentlemen, is a great deal either for a nation or for a man. And now, men of Dartmouth, as I have said on this occasion before, as members of the College you have three different but closely intertwined roles to play: First, you are citizens of a community and are expected to act as such. Second, you are the stuff of an institution and what you are it will be. Thirdly, your business here is learning and that is up to you. We’ll be with you all the way, and Good Luck! n

If the liberal arts have a meaning and utility of their own, Dartmouth presumably has a

purpose which sets it apart from other types of educational enterprise. In probing this purpose it is worth noting that Dartmouth’s lifelong com-mitment to the primacy of undergraduate educa-tion, the central tenet of the historic American college, also sets her apart in climate, emphasis and, in some measure, in purpose from those vastly complex organisms we call universities.

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Barrett’s MixologyBy Adam I. W. Schwartzman

“Well did you learn how to make it, or did you read about it on that damned computer machine?” Grandpa was yelling at me, as usual. He often got this way if I was too slow at fixing his mid-afternoon cocktail. Today he had asked me for an Old Fashioned. The funny thing about grandpa was, he’d burned out every last tastebud in his mouth decades ago. Grandpa was a cigar smoker, just like old Milton Hershey. “I know how those things work, you know,” he was back at it. “Pornography, godlessness, sports betting. Used to be a man had to get out of town for that sort of thing. Never me, though. Heh! Your grandpa is a Christian.” I guess grandpa didn’t know that the entire family was well aware of the fact that he had met my grandma in a swanky jazz bar some-where across the Atlantic. Maybe he was just toying with me, or maybe after all these years he’d finally forgotten. “And where’s that damned drink?” “It’s coming grandpa,” I told him in as smooth a tone as I could muster. “Just putting the finishing touches.” There were no finish-ing touches; I dumped some whiskey and bitters into a lowball and prayed for the best. Grandpa eyed me warily as I walked back into his bedroom. He was propped up in bed, working his way through the Thursday cross-word. He could never get past Thursday. “Pretty good, boy. Pretty good,” he said to me, suddenly calmed by the drink when I placed it in his hands. He tasted it and broke out into a toothless grin. “Pretty damn good.”

gordon haff ’s

the last word.

Compiled by Adam I. W. Schwartzman

The Old College Try

But if you tell folks you’re a college student, folks are so impressed. You can be a student in anything and not have to know anything. Just say toxicology or marine biokinesis, and the person you’re talking to will change the subject to himself. If this doesn’t work, mention the neural synapses of embryonic pigeons.

—Chuck Palahniuk

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

—Anatole France

I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job.

-Jarod Kintz

Hey, Pedro, could you get your shopping cart out of my faculty parking space? Yes, I know you live on the street. But you know how hard it is to find a parking spot on the Upper West Side. After all, you used to be one of my best students! So how’s that Columbia degree working out for you? Not so good, huh? Sorry about that. Really! But you know, a college degree isn’t like some cheap used car. There’s no warantee. Right, there’s no Lemon Law either. Buyer beware! Look, Pedro, I don’t want to call security again. Yes, I know they’re your cousins. What’s that? You’ll wash my car for a dollar? Well, I guess that’s a good deal. Where’s your sponge bucket? What’s that? You’ve got a hose? What do you mean, it’s tucked in your pants? Hey Pedro—no, no, no don’t—aw, Pedro!

—Eric Foner

“The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher ex-plains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.”

—William Arthur Ward

` If the college you visit has a bookstore filled with t-shirts rather than books, find another college.

—R. Albert Mohler Jr.

“Study hard what interests you the most in the most un-disciplined, irreverent and original manner possible.” —Richard P. Feynman

I changed. People change.—Michael Jackson

You miss one hundred percent of the shots you never take.

—Wayne Gretsky

They’re so cold, these scholars! May lightning strike their food so that their mouths learn how to eat fire!

—Friedrich Nietzche

Change will never happen when people lack the abil-ity and courage to see themselves for who they are.

—Bryant H. McGill

Nothing can be more absurd than the practice that prevails in our country of men and women not follow-ing the same pursuits with all their strengths and with one mind, for thus, the state instead of being whole is reduced to half.

—Plato

Christ, seven years of college, down the drain.—John Blutarsky

The best thing for being sad,” replied Merlin, begin-ning to puff and blow, “is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.

—T.H. White

I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.

—Plutarch

“Anyone can see that an ass laden with books remains a donkey. A human being laden with the undigested results of a tussle with thoughts and books, however, still passes for wise.”

—Idries Shah

The ‘polymath’ had already died out by the close of the eighteenth century, and in the following century intensive education replaced extensive, so that by the end of it the specialist had evolved. The conse-quence is that today everyone is a mere technician, even the artist...

—Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Here’s to looking at you, kid.—Humphrey Bogart

Whiskey, a healthy pourBitters, if you’ve got ‘emCitrus rind, yeah right

Combine ingredients and pray for the best.

the dartmouth review 3.11.2013 volume 32, issue 13

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