the climate of a healthy relationship part 4 - kindness

8/9/2019 The Climate of a Healthy Relationship Part 4 - Kindness

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November 30, 2003

The Climate of Healthy RelationshipsPart 4Kindness

Introduction: Kindness is ____________________________________________.

1. God is __________________________________________________________.Psalm 106:7, Isaiah 54:8, 63:7, Jeremiah 9:23-24, 31:3, Luke 6:35, John 2:1-11, Acts 14:17, Romans 2:4, Ephesians 2:7, Titus 3:4

2. So be _________________________________________. 1 Thessalonians 5:15

A. Say _______________________________________________________.Genesis 37:4, Proverbs 12:25; 2 Timothy 2:24

B. _______________________________________________________ out.Acts 28:2

C. Do _______________________________________________________.Luke 6:35, Acts 14:17, 1 Thessalonians 5:15

D. Show _____________________________________________________.

2 Samuel 10:2, Ephesians 4:32

For Life Group Discussion: What kindness could you do for those you love most?For those you love least? What is your next step?


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November 30, 2003

The Climate of Healthy RelationshipsPart 4Kindness

Opening:Every living thing needs the right environment to thrive. Put a tropical fish

in a Northwest lake and it will die in a hurry, especially this time of year! Wrongclimate! Its true of our relationships toothey need the right climate to be

healthy and thrive. One of the elements that make relationships healthy iskindness. Kind people have great relationships; unkind people end up lonely.

Offering and Announcements:

Thanks for building fund pledge payments.

Introduction: What is kindness? Kindness is love in action. 1 Corinthians 13:4 says,

Love is kind. Love is expressed every day in hundreds of small words and actsof kindness. Kindness is love in action. Give me some synonyms for kindness: begracious, be thoughtful, be helpful, be compassionate, be nice. Webster defineskindness as sympathy, forbearance, and being helpful. Be kind. Be sympathetic,compassionate. Be patient, forbearing. Be helpful. Be nice.

Some men may think of kindness as...wimpy! We think of kindness as a softvirtue, and men tend to value what I call hard virtues like courage, devotion,

leadership, strength! But kindness is not wimpy at all. It takes great strength to bekind. President Franklin D. Roosevelt said, Human kindness has never weakenedthe stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to becruel in order to be tough. So men, please dont think that kindness is weak orsoft. Real men are kind. It is a strong virtue, a tough virtue; it is love in action.

What are antonyms for kindnesswhat is the opposite of kindness? Mean.Cruel. Have you seen the bumper sticker, Mean people suck? Its true. Nobodywants to be friends with a mean person. Nobody wants to work with or for a mean

person. Nobody wants to be married to a mean person. Mean people suck!

Proverbs 11:17 A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings troubleon himself.

Here kindness is contrasted with cruelty. A kind man benefits himself. When youare kind, you do yourself a favor, because what you sow is what you reap. Itcomes back to you. And so does cruelty. If you are cruel, you bring trouble onyourself. Better to be kind.

ILL: This May, Laina and I were in Philadelphia for our denominational


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convention. We joined Jim and Robyn Hayford and went to New York for aday where we stayed in the historic Waldorf Astoria Hotel. Theres awonderful story about those two places.

Many years ago, an elderly couple arrived at a hotel in Philadelphia at11:00 on a rainy night without reservations and asked for a room. The hotelwas full. The night clerk could have easily said, I can't help you. We'refilled up."

Instead the night clerk said, "We don't have any rooms; they're allgone. But I'll tell you what: I have a room here. It's not much, but I'll haveMary, the night housekeeper, clean it up and put some flowers in there. I'msure you'll be comfortable for the night. I hate to send you out in this rainynight."

A few minutes later, Mary came back and said, "The room is clean."Then the clerk said, "Let me take you upstairs, and get you settled and

I'll have some hot tea sent up for you."A year and a half later, John Jacob Astor finished building the

Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York. It was Astor who with his wife hadcome to that Philadelphia hotel in the middle of a rainy night and slept in thenight clerks room. Guess who John Astor hired to manage his new hotel?The night clerk from Philadelphia. "I want that night clerk to manage my

hotel."A kind man benefits himself. Be kind to yourself by being kind to others! Whenyou are kind to others, it comes back to you. It creates a climate of kindnessandin that climate, your marriage, your family, your friendships will thrive.

Heres an interesting item. The Greek word translated kindness ischrestos, and it means good, gracious, mild and pleasant (as opposed to harsh,sharp or bitter); useful, or helpful. Kindness is good and good for you. It is

pleasant and practical. It is beautiful and beneficial. Kindness smiles and saysgood morning, then it makes the coffee!

The Greek word translated Christ is christos, only one letter different fromchrestos, kindness. In the early days of Christianity, people sometimesmisunderstood and thought Christians were the kind ones, followers ofchrestos.

Not a bad misunderstanding!

ILL: Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but theman in front didn't notice it. A woman in the car behind him watched traffic

pass around them. She yelled at the guy, and finally honks. He looks up,sees the light is green and acceleratesjust in time to leave her stuck as thelight turns yellow. She goes ballistic, flips the guy off, screams profanityand curses at him and beats her dash in frustration. In mid-rant she hears atap on her window and looks up into the barrel of a gun held by a very


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serious looking policeman. He asks her to exit the car with her hands up,cuffs her, puts her in the back of the patrol car, and drives her to the policestation where she is fingerprinted, photographed, searched, booked and

placed in a cell.After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens

the door for her. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the originalofficer is waiting with her personal items. "I'm really sorry for this mistake.

But you see, I pulled up behind your car while you were honking your horn,flipping that guy off, and cussing a blue streak at him. Then I noticed the"Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumpersticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker, and the chrome

plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. So, naturally, I assumed you hadstolen the car."

People expect Christ-followers to be kind, because Christ was kind. The christos

was also chrestos. God is kind.

1. God is kind.

Titus 3:4-5 When the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared (He istalking about the coming of Jesus), he saved us, not because of righteous things wehad done, but because of His mercy.

Jesus was the kindness of God, the love of Godin epiphany. The Greekword for appeared is epiphane, which means to cause something to be seen, toilluminate, to make ones presence known, to make an appearance. We get theEnglish word epiphany from it. An epiphany is an appearance or manifestationof God, or a moment of revelation in which you get it. When Jesus came, Godmade an appearance, and allowed us to see His kindness and His love. When youlook at Jesus, you see the kindness of God!

John 2 tells the story of Jesus first miracle. He was invited to a wedding inCana, probably the wedding of an extended family member, or at least a very closefamily friend. In those days, the wedding ceremony took place in the evening,after a huge feast. They had the reception first, and then the wedding! After theceremony, the new couple was carried through the streets of the village to theirnew homethey were taken the longest route so that as many people as possible

could congratulate them. But that wasnt the end. For the next week, the coupleheld an open house; they wore their wedding clothes and crowns, and were treatedlike royalty. It was a week-long party! And in a world where there was so much

poverty and hard work, this week may have been the greatest of their entire lives.At this wedding feast, they ran out of wine. Nowadays, that wouldnt be

such a big dealwed jump in the car and scoot over to Albertsons for more wine.But they didnt have a car to scoot inthey didnt have an Albertsons either! And


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hospitality was a big dealthis was a major embarrassment to this young coupleand their family that the wine ran out!

So what does Jesus do? He quietly saves the party and the dignity of the bride and groom. He tells the servants to fill six nearby jars (each held 20-30gallons) with waterthats 120-180 gallons that they had to draw from thewellit would have taken some time and effort. Then he tells the same servants todraw some out and take it to the master of the banquetthe head of catering. How

would you like to have been one of those servants? Is He crazy? Why take waterto head of catering? But when the master of the banquet tasted it, he pulled the

bridegroom aside and said, Whats this? Most people serve the best wine first,and then the cheaper wine after people have had too much to drink. But youvesaved the best till now!

Jesus turned water into wine. Why? To save a young couples weddingfeast. Out of kindness. There was no other reason to do it. Just pure kindness.

When the kindness of God appeared Thats Jesus.Luke 19:1-10. There was a businessman in Jericho, a guy named

Zacchaeus, who was long on money but short on friends. He lived in a big houseon the edge of town, but no one ever stopped there; no one came to see him, noteven the Jehovah Witnesses! Everybody hated this guy! Why? Because he builtthat big house with money hed skimmed off their taxes. No one ever came to his

houseuntil the kindness of God appeared. Jesus came to Jericho, and invitedhimself over to Zacks house. Im coming to your house today. He said it outloud in public, and it made a lot of people mad, but it changed everything forZacchaeus. Jesus didnt have to do that. He could have talked with Zack in thetree; He could have met him secretly late that night at Starbucks. Instead, Jesuswent to Zacks house, the first person ever to sign his guestbook. Why? Kindness.Pure kindness.

Mark 5:21-43. The mayor of Capernaum, a guy named Jairus, asked Jesusto come to his house and heal his sick daughter. A huge group of people followedJesus, crowding around Him. There was a woman with a blood disease, much likeAIDS todayshe had been sick for a dozen years, and had run out of doctors,money and hope. Worst of all, she had run out of friends. Maybe people wereafraid of catching her disease, but she was alone. No one wanted her around. So

she snuck into the crowd, hoping to touch Jesus, hoping that touching Him mightheal her. And it did. She managed to touch just the hem of his jacket, butinstantly, she felt different. She knew she was healed. But Jesus stopped, andasked, Who touched Me? His followers were stunned: What do you mean, whotouched you? For crying out loud, everyone is touching you! But Jesus askedagain, Who touched Me? and looked around. Trembling, the woman with AIDScame forward and told Him the whole story. Thats what is says in Mark


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5:33the whole story! Jesus listened, while the crowd waited, and the discipleswaited, and the mayor waited. A little girl was dyingbut Jesus listened to herwhole story. He didnt have to. The healing would have been enough. But Jesuswanted to do more than heal her body; he wanted to restore her dignity. So hestopped, and listened to the whole story. Why? Kindnesspure kindness.

When the kindness of God appearedthat was Jesus.All through the Bible it says that God is kind. Ive put a few references on

your outline that you can look up for yourself. God is kind. He always has been.But when Jesus came, the kindness of God appeared. We saw Him; we saw lovein action. It was an epiphanya moment of revelation.

God is kind. Arent you glad? Arent you glad that He isnt mean andcruel? I would be afraid of a cruel and mean God. I would be afraid to get tooclose. But this God, this kind God, is a God that I can get close to. God is goodand good for you. Gods kindness makes our relationship thrive.

Now He wants us to make kindness the climate of our relationships withothers.

2. So be kind to everyone.

1 Thessalonians 5:15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong,but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

Always try to be kind to everyone. Pretty simple. When should you bekind? Always. Its always the right time to be kind. And to whom should you bekind? To everyone. Someone said, Be kind to everybody. You never know whomight show up on the jury at your trial.

Remember the law of reciprocity. What you give is what you get. Showkindness and it comes back to you. We create an atmosphere of kindness byconsistently showing kindnessalways to everyone. We make it the climate ofour relationships by being kind all the time. Consistent kindness will be returned.

ILL: A Yale University President gave this advice to a former president ofOhio State, "Always be kind to your A and B students. Someday one ofthem will return to your campus as a good professor. And always be kind toyour C students. Someday one of them will return and build a 20-milliondollar science lab."

Always be kind. Its good advice. Here are a few practical ideas on how to bekind all the time.

A. Say kind words.

Proverbs 12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind wordcheers him up.

Kind words cheer people up. Words can be cruel and mean, or they can be


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kind. Always be kind. Kind words have the power to cheer people up, to lift thedowncast.

ILL: In 1994 Thurman Thomas sat on the Buffalo Bills bench following histeam's fourth straight Super Bowl loss; his head was bowed with his handscovering his face. His three fumbles had helped seal the awul fate of histeam. Suddenly, standing before him was the Dallas Cowboys' star running

back, Emmitt Smith. Just named MVP for Super Bowl XXVIII, Smith was

carrying his small goddaughter. Smith looked down at her and said,"Honey, I want you to meet the greatest running back in the NFL, Mr.Thurman Thomas."

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. Are youcreating a climate of kindness with your words?

2 Timothy 2:24 And the Lords servant must not quarrel; instead, he mustbe kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

There it is again: be kind to everyone! Notice the contrast: dont quarrel, butbe kind to everyone. I dont think this means that we never disagree with eachother, or never have animated conflict. If someone is wrong, the kindest thing youcan do is to disagree! But there is a difference between disagreeing when you needto, and being disagreeable. Some folks are disagreeable, cranky, contentious,contrary, quarrelsome! You cant say anything without them disagreeing.

Everything is an argument! They are a quarrel waiting to happen. Do you haveanyone in your life like that? I do! Its not fun! It makes for a very strainedrelationship. Dont be quarrelsome; be kind. Are you creating a climate ofkindness with your words? Say kind words.

B. Help out.

A second very practical way to be kind is to help out. Remember, chrestosmeant useful. Kindness is being useful. When someone lends a hand, its akindness.

Acts 28:2 The islanders showed us unusual kindness. They built a fire andwelcomed us all because it was raining and cold.

Pauls ship had wrecked in a storm on the island of Malta. The islandersshowed them kindness by building a fire to help them warm up and dry out. A big

fire is very useful when youre cold and wet! Kindness is helping out, beinguseful, lending a hand.

ILL: One of my favorite stories about kindness is about a young man namedPaul Scott.

Paul was a senior in high school when the first hint of trouble came.He was a running back on the football team, and he couldnt seem to hold onto the ball. The condition grew worse, and after extensive tests, the


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diagnosis came back: leprosy. Now its called Hansens disease, but nomatter what you called it, it seemed like a death sentence to Paul. His

parents were horrified. He was whisked away to the Federal Public HealthService hospital in Carville, Louisiana, the only leprosarium in the U.S.Paul was confined there for six yearssix years of separation from friendsand family as the disease ravaged his body.

Then medical science discovered new drugssulfone drugsand

they worked! While the drugs halted the progress of the disease, it was toolate to prevent deformity. Pauls life was saved, but his face was disfigured,hed lost part of his vision in one eye, he walked with a limp, and his handswere severely deformed. Sixteen operations had left them still twisted and

barely functional.When Paul was finally able to return home, his parents were unable to

accept his disabilities and asked him to leave. He was utterly alone. Old

friends were uncomfortable. Paul hated to go outside because of the stares.One Halloween, his depression reached a low point. Some kids,

wearing Halloween masks, saw Paul and shouted, Look, he doesnt need amask. Paul felt like he had nothing to live for. Even though he was not aCatholic, he felt compelled to go to St. Patricks Cathedral on Fifth Avenuethat Halloween night. There in the quiet of that huge vaulted cathedral, he

began to think of Bishop Fulton Sheen. Bishop Sheen had visited theleprosarium at Carville; Paul thought that if anyone could understand hisfeelings, it would be Bishop Sheen. So he approached a priest near the mainaltar and asked, Could I please see Bishop Sheen? Its important.

The young priest, sensing the urgency in Pauls request, gentlyexplained that Bishop Sheen wasnt associated with St. Patricks but that hewould see that the bishop got Pauls name and address. To Paul it was justanother failure. But to his surprise, soon after that, he received a letterinviting him to see the bishop in his office.

Ive come to see you because I have no one else to turn to, Paulsaid. I havent got a friend in the world.

Well, now you have one, said Bishop Sheen, smiling. He invitedPaul to dinner the next night. During dinner, Paul had difficulty handling his

fork and knife. Without stopping his conversation, the bishop reached overand cut Pauls meat for him. That simple gesture of kindness touched Paulso deeply that he realized he did, at last, have a friend. Paul poured out allthe torment he felt.

God has a purpose for your life, Paul, Bishop Sheen said. Its upto us to find it.

In the months that followed, Paul Scott had dinner with his friend


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every week. The bishop helped Paul get additional surgery that greatlyimproved his appearance and the use of his hands. He helped Paul find a

job. He helped Paul furnish his apartment, provided clothes, and once,between paydays, when he discovered Paul had no food, took him shoppingand filled up a shopping cart with food. And the bishop introduced Paul toChrist, baptized him in St. Patricks Cathedral, and confirmed him in his

private chapel.

When Bishop Sheen moved to Rochester, New York, Paul missed himgreatly, but the bishops help had prepared Paul to live on his own.

One day, Paul got an invitation in the mail. Bishop Sheen was to beinstalled as the Bishop of the Diocese of Rochester, and he included Paul onthe guest list. In fact, he saved Paul a seat on the center aisle where Paul hada good view. There were many dignitaries and well-known people present.But when the ceremony was over and the bishop proceeded down the red-

carpeted aisle, he stopped to talk to only one. He stopped by Paul, huggedhim and said, Its nice to have you here, Paul.

Paul said something in reply and then became conscious of neckscraning and people whispering. Finally, the lady next to him leaned overand asked what many others were wondering. Are you from the Vatican?

No, just a friend, Paul said.

The lady looked for a moment, and then said, He must love you verymuch.

Yes, Paul said, he does.Thats kindnessjust helping out. Bishop Sheen once wrote: These are threerules of dealing with all those who come to us: (1) Kindness; (2) Kindness; (3)Kindness. He lived it.

Are you creating a climate of kindness by being helpful? Be usefulhelpout. Thats kindness.

C. Do good.

Another practical way to be kind is simply to do good.Luke 6:35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them

without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you

will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.God is kind to ungrateful and wicked peopleGod is kind to His enemies,

so we should be too. And he tells us how: do good to them. Rather than returningevil for evil, rather than seeking revenge, rather than resenting your enemies, showkindness by doing something good for them.

ILL: In Rhythms of the Heart, Phil Hook writes:My mother and I did not mix. I chose a typical teenage solution to


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the problem: silence.I would leave for school in the morning, come home to eat, then leave

again. When I was finally home late at night, I read books.Invariably, my mother would come downstairs and ask me if I wanted

a sandwich. I grunted my assent. She cooked egg and bacon sandwiches forme night after night until I left home for good.

Years later, when our relationship was mended, she told me why she

had made all those sandwiches. The only time you would talk to me waswhile I made that sandwich.

Do good, because God is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.Acts 14:17 Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown

kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he providesyou with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.

Heres another example of Gods kindness: He gives us rain from heaven,

crops in their season; He provides us with plenty of food and joy in our hearts.God does good for us. Thats kindness.

You can show kindness by doing good for people. Do you know the tenrules for getting rid of the blues? Go out and do something good for someone else,and repeat it nine times. Sometimes when you do good, others will repeat it!

ILL: Jayne Fisher watched anxiously as her 17-year-old daughter Katie

pulled her unruly lamb into the arena of the Madison County JuniorLivestock sale. With luck, Katie wouldnt collapse, as she had during alivestock show the day before.

Katie was battling cancer. This was her first chance in months to beoutdoors having fun, away from hospitals and chemo treatments, and shehad come with high hopes for earning some sizable spending money. Shehad wavered a little on her decision to part with the lamb, but with lambaveraging $2 a pound, Katie was looking forward to a lot more than pinmoney. So she centered the lamb for viewing and the bidding began.

Thats when Roger Wilson, the auctioneer, had a sudden inspirationthat brought some unexpected results. We sort of let folks know that Katiehad a situation that wasnt too pleasant, is how he tells it. He hoped that hisintroduction would push the bidding up, at least a little bit.

Well, the lamb sold for $11.50 a pound! But things didnt stop there.The buyer paid up, then decided to give the lamb back so that it could besold again.

That started a chain reaction, with families buying the animal andgiving it back, over and over again. When local businesses started buyingand returning, the earnings really began to pile up. The first sale is the onlyone Katies mom remembers. After that, she was crying too hard as the


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crowd kept shouting, Resell! Resell!Katies lamb was sold 36 times that day, and the last buyer gave it

back for good. Katie ended up with more $16,000 for a fund to pay hermedical expensesand she still got to keep her famous lamb.

Are you creating a climate of kindness by doing good for others? Do good! Thatskindness.

D. Show compassion.

One more practical way to express kindness is to show compassion.Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each

other, just as in Christ God forgave you.Kindness and compassion go hand in hand. Heres one of my favorite

sayings: Be kind. Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Isntthat true? Take the time to listen to people, and youll discover that everyone has a

story; everyone has a battle theyre fightingand its hard. When you take thetime to listen, youll feel compassion and will show kindness. Be kind; everyoneis fighting a hard battle.

ILL: Last spring, Mr. Alter's fifth-grade class at Lake Elementary School inOceanside, California, included fourteen boys who had no hair. Only one,however, had no choice in the matter. Ian O'Gorman, undergoing

chemotherapy for lymphoma, faced the prospect of having his hair fall out inclumps. So he had his head shaved. But then 13 of his classmates shavedtheir heads, so Ian wouldn't feel out of place.

"If everybody has his head shaved, sometimes people don't knowwho's who," said 11-year-old Scott Sebelius in an Associated Press story(March 1994). "They don't know who has cancer, and who just shaved theirhead." Ten-year-old Kyle Hanslik started it all. He talked to some other

boys, and before long they all trekked to the barber shop. "The last thing hewould want is to not fit in," said Kyle. "We just wanted to make him feel

better."Compassionthose boys cared about how their classmate felt. Thats kindness.Are you creating a climate of kindness by showing compassion? Be kind;everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. Show compassion; thats kindness.

the climate of a healthy relationship part 4 - kindness

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