The Caveat Lector voLume 9, issue 3

Editors-in-ChiefAlyssa VassosGlenn MacKayGraham ChristieMargi MatajSarah Miller

DesignGlenn MacKaySarah Miller

ContributorsMarty WalesSashia LongoTyler NightengaleKelsey O’BrienTodd LucykCurtis MenniePat BushMatt SchmelingMichelle LangPat McKennaMargi MatajCalen NixonJock KrieglerKhurshed Chowdhury

Disclaimer The Editors of the Caveat Lector, in their infinite wis-dom, do not necessarily endorse or condone the opinions included herein. The submisions are the views of your peers. Take it up with them.

Misson StatementThe Caveat Lector exists to be redundant. It also exists to publish and make available information and creative works from law students for law students, all the while maintaining a standard of journalistic integrity. Well maybe not integrity but something close.

Address Caveat Lector c/o College of Law15 Campus Drive Saskatoon, SK.S7N 5A6

E-Mail uofscaveat@gmail.com

Hiya Law Kids,

Well we have made it through se-mester No. 1 and, more impor-

tantly, through the dreaded month of November. Congratulations to every-one who is still even somewhat sane after that. To those who are operating at less that 100 per cent, I feel your pain. Whether it was papers, studying for exams, presentations in class or the weather (which is a completely legit topic for complaint) it’s over now and you can breathe a sight of relief. In my opinion November is pretty well the worst month of the school year so if you have made it this far the rest should be a breeze.

That having been said, exams are looming. The big scary dark cloud hanging over the end of the semester. But, relax. Stressing and whining, though comforting at the time, will likely not improve your overall out-look on exams. For the firsties, your first law school exams will be scary. At the time they may seem like they will never end and that there is no hope. But don’t worry, you will make it through. In fact I can almost guar-antee that down the road you will look back on them and laugh. Especially since they do not count for any grades. Second years, your first upper-year exams will be fun. Alright, that’s just a lie; They will suck. No avoiding it but you will make it through as well.

I know that everyone says that but it’s true. Learn a few things, write a few things down, try to have those things make sense and you will be fine. Third years, it’s really time to start studying. You cannot put it off any more. Unless you have a paper to write. Or a journal to finish. Or if there’s a sweet movie marathon on. But seriously, after that its time to learn.

When writing your exams everyone should keep in mind all the beloved traditions of writing in the library. Whether your favorite part is the door alarm from upstairs when a SNAIL ignores the stop sign, or someone walking through not realizing there are exams happening, or the person who you swear is not in law school showing up for the exam, it really is a hilarious time of year. No matter what your fa-vorite part of the exam season is (see. the end), remember that this too shall pass. Exams will come and go and we will all come out the other side, one semester smarter and that much closer to the finish line.

As I am using this article as an excuse to avoid studying, as you probably are

Marty Wales, LSA President

in reading it, I will keep it short and sweet. But I do want to finish by wishing everyone good luck with finals and all the less than awesome things that come along with them. I’d also like to tell everyone Happy Holidays, and I hope that no matter where your break takes you to have fun and get a lot of time to recover with friends and family. Take care and stay classy. See

you on the other side.

Lovingly,Marty

– Repairman– Complaint Department – IT specialist

With several die-hard fans cheering them on, the College of Law’s Men’s Soccer team defended its B League title under the bright lights and blowing snow at Griffiths Stadium, defeating number-one ranked OITS 2-0 on November 7th.

The Bearristers entered the final as the second seed following a solid 2-1-1 season. An October snowstorm had cut the season short and meant that the top two teams, when the Monday and Saturday Leagues were combined, would fight for second-tier Campus Rec soc-cer supremacy.

Though thoroughly dominat-ed in terms of possession, a beautiful strike from second-year Todd Lucyk put The Bearristers up 1-0 early on. That remained the score until the start of the second half when Patrick Bush scored arguably the biggest goal of his soccer career off of a lovely cross from Lucyk.

With a commanding 2-0 lead, it was now time for The Bearristers’ backline to shine. Sweeper Andrew Restall and Patrick McKenna defended fiercely in front of Dustin Patzer, a last-second goaltending replacement for the AWOL Colin Flannigan, who, reports say, may have left the team after not being notified that the ini-tial scheduled final was postponed to a later date.

Braedon Pask was a force in midfield where Curtis

Mennie also shone until being switched back to defence late in the game as The Bearristers adopted their classic 5-2-1 for-mation.

The team also received solid efforts from benchers Sachia Longo, Lane Zabolotney, Neil Kaira, Matt Straw, and

Samer Awadh. Star mid-field-er Calen Nixon had to miss the final due to band practice, but still contributed to the triumph by lending his soc-cer cleats to Bush. The team was also buoyed by the late arrival of David Twa who came straight from a heart-breaking loss in the Ultimate Frisbee semi-final.

This was the final game representing the College of Law for 3Ls Longo, Pask, Restall, Awadh, and Patzer. Dawid Werminski, also a third-year, missed out on being part of the Championship team for the second year in a row. He finishes his law school career never having played a game despite twice taking up a highly sought-after roster spot. One wonders, however, if the dirt-kicking skills from his native Poland would have been of much use.

It is expected that McKenna will take over the captain-cy with the departure of Longo as the College of Law goes for an unprecedented three-peat.

men’s b-League soCCer CHampionsSashia Longo

QuiT being so goddamn Lazy

First off, you are welcome. You’re welcome that I found half an hour to do something productive

around here. Thirty minutes that apparently no one else in the entire two and a half years I’ve studied at the College of Law could find. One thousand eight hundred excruciating seconds to actually pick up a cloth and clean something truly deserving of a wash, a scrub, a tsunami of soap and effort.1 It was a chal-lenge, for the most part because during this time self-lessly plugging away for the good of the entire College of Law I couldn’t poke any of you on Facebook2 or look at silly pictures or American election jokes from Reddit or even browse Pinster or what-ever it’s called for some-thing, anything, more interesting than being wrist deep in a radioac-tive appliance. My fore-arm now looks like the Hulk’s.3 However, being an expert at getting shit done, I knew what I had to do. I had to regress from being an almost lawyer,4 to a laborer, a cleaning man, a janitor. Or maybe just a sweet dude who’s had it with a situation that clearly needed to be addressed by someone, anyone. Well you know what they say, if you want something done: Bitch about it to the LSA. I digress, back to me. So, I had to actu-ally do something myself, which felt weird – because according to one first year who shall not be named,5 “It doesn’t matter that we don’t have an open memo, we will have assistants to write our memos when we get out of here.” According to him, we have assistants and paralegals that write memos for us. Is that not the coolest science fiction you have ever heard?6 Regard-less,7 seeing how I’m not going to be here next year to clean up after you slobs, I have decided to write up

a highly detailed and hopefully insulting guide to cleaning the College of Law’s official food-exploder.

“What makes you an expert?” I’m sure you want to ask, in an attempt to discredit me while making you feel better about being clinically useless. Well….I have worked with every manly tool known to humankind, and have the self-confidence to be seen

cleaning in front of my peers: Clearly a rare trait in our circle of life.

Anyways, enough about me and definitely enough about you - here’s a good way to clean the microwave.

Step 1 – Reconnais-sanceFirst you should check out what you’re deal-ing with. Informed is impaired.8

Detonated salmon? Check. Cheezey Pasta Cheeze Crust CeezeTM ? Check. Burnt (insert any ethnicity if it reeks after overcook-ing) food. Check.It appears the only thing that hasn’t gone in this micro-wave is a soapy hand cloth. For a while I just sat around in the lounge and bitched

Tyler Nightengale

1. Actually it was a bunch of paper towels stolen from the Busi-ness School men’s washrooms, more on that later.2. You know who you are.3. Less green, but I’ll show you just as well, it is monstrous.4. Presumptuous, I know.5. Because I don’t know his name.6. It’s not. It’s a load of silly first year Harvey Specter bullshit.7. Irrigation8. Ed note: I think the saying is “Prepared”… Ty: Nope.

about it behind its back. Then, after some mean glares sent its way, I decided to use the other microwave. JUST AS DIRTY! So I finally threw in the towel, but in a clean way.

Step 2 – Tom Sawyer ApproachOnly suckers do hard work alone. So I found a friend9 who understands how dangerous it is to do something that all those chicks and stuff fought for, I mean we like invaded their domain or whatevs through clean-ing. They were like “WHOA!” And I was like “I know.” Offend all the women who don’t know a joke when it’s aimed right at them.10 Check.

Step 3 – Preparation So the next thing to do is scrounge up some cleaner spray bottles from the LSA. Old meeting minutes in-dicated there was a bottle of spray leftover from 1994 in the cabinet below. Next you need to head over the Edwards School of Business or whatever those jeal-ous fucks next door call it and steal a bunch of paper towels from that sty they call a washroom. The final ingredient needed for OPERATION MICROWAVE was some water, some hot, hot water. Luckily, Green Legal11 took a quick breather from annoying Michelle Lang long enough to install a coffee maker. Boom! Free hot water? These guys are the greatest! Take a free coffee mug, fill it with boiled H20. Now it’s time to get to work. You can of course stop now, there’s probably some fooseball to play. Or maybe you can just go look at snow somewhere. Trust me, if you go

further than this, you might actually get your hands so dirty that they would require a quick rinse after. I know, freaky stuff. Step 4 – ApplicationHere’s the part that no one likes. Application. By this I mean applying yourself to the task, like actually doing something for once. Taking responsibility. I mean it’s hard for me to expect any of you to amount to some-thing special outside of this school if you all can’t be bothered to fix a simple problem right in front of your face every lunch hour. I’m not trying to reverse brag here,12 but I have used that microwave like four to five times, and somehow I’m the one who’s cleaning it. You all should be ashamed.13 The odds that we’re going to produce a class full of lawyers that only look out for themselves seem to be getting greater by the minute. Rumor has it that the Cass of 2014 is “most likely not to clean up after themselves at Marquis Hall” or so I’ve been told. Want to change the world? Get off your ass.

I digress again! Specific cleaning instructions:

1. Put the boiled water in the microwave.

9. Sachia Bear Longo, nobody bangs on a table like this guy. 10. Just kidding babes, you’re all so smart and independent! ;) 11. Big shout out to all my fellas and ladies in Green Legal, you know who you are! 12. I’m trying to brag-brag.13. Except for people who work at CLASSIC or Pro Bonair.

2. Turn that sucker on.3. Five min-utes should do it.4. Not ‘til 5 o’clock14 - dummies.5. Take it out and spill all over the plate.

6. Now use those towels we absconded from the business shitter. Spray that cleaner!7. Start scrubbing.8. At the top you idiot. (That way the grime doesn’t fall on the bottom you just cleaned).9. Nice, looking good.10. Whoa! Forgot that plate came out, what’s this? A roller, better clean those too!11. Rinse it out. Dump the yuck outside.12. Give it another wipedown.13. Check it out? Missed a spot!

14. Another rinse and wipe, more water!15. Looks good? Have a friend examine your work.15

16. Is it clean? Good work! If not, see No. 7.

Step 5 - CelebrationWell there you have it. Congratulations. You’ve actu-ally gone and done something so simple that everyone will be amazed you did it. This is an awkward feeling, but just soak in the praise while condescendingly look-ing down upon everyone you cross paths with, even the tall ones. As mentioned previously, you’re welcome.

14. Yes, Mr. or Mrs. or Miss Hypotheticalman/lady, to 5:00 if you start at 4:55. 15. This strategy is also effective for major papers.

THe CerTain unCerTainTy of deCerTifiCaTion

(For starters, I just want to say that for those of you who saw my photo in the last Caveat and thought - “Wow, I cant believe he chose that

picture, what a D-bag”, you are only partially correct. I may be a D-bag but I did not choose that picture. Glenn MacKay, after tell-

ing me he was going to use a pic-ture of me

Todd Lucyk

LegaL foLLies 2013

Legal Follies 2013 is taking place on February 8-9. This year, Legal Follies is supporting the Sas-

katchewan Cerebral Palsy Association. Thanks to all who attended the Dissent Night in November- we have already raised over a thousand dollars for the group!

We will begin recruiting acts for the show in January. If you have any type of talent (or not), put your exam procrastination time to good use by preparing your

act. We will also be looking for two emcees. Watch for notices regarding the audition process in the new year.

For any questions about Legal Follies, please email cko337@mail.usask.ca.

Kelsey O’Brien

dressed as a pirate, kindly picked the lamest picture of me he could find. I guess I should’ve known to never trust a guy who is legally banned from being within 200 meters of any playground, park or swimming pool #glenning.)

There is a lot of talk in the media about the NHL lockout and how the next move for the NHLPA is to decertify. Depending on the actual motive of the play-ers, this may be a very viable solution. And if they learned anything from their NFL and NBA brethren in 2011, at the very least, it will most likely scare the NHL into coming to the bargaining table with a realis-tic proposal.

WTF is DecertificationThere is a key distinction that must be made when talking about dissolving the NHLPA that the media has decided to neglect. First off, the NHLPA is debating whether or not to DISSOLVE their union, not neces-sarily DECERTIFY. When a union dissolves, they may “disclaim interest” or “decertify”. Disclaiming interest is an informal process where all that is required is that the union “waives and disclaims any right to repre-sent” the unionized employees involved in the matter. The Union may reform at any point, and the only real stipulation is that the players refrain from any action inconsistent with the disclaimer. Decertification on the other hand, is a very formal and lengthy process that does not allow the union to reform for at least 12 months once official decertification has been achieved.

Why Would they Want to Dissolve?Let me make this simple for everyone. Players rep-resented by the NHLPA = antitrust immunity and the league is allowed to impose all the restrictive provi-sion that the CBA contains. NHLPA dissolved = the non-statutory labour exemption is adios, and the NHL can no longer lockout its employees or subject players to restrictive provisions like entry drafts, salary caps, free agency reserve clauses etc. NHL locking out play-ers and continuing under CBA restrictions while the players are not unionized and antitrust is now in play = giant anti-trust lawsuits and potential “treble damages” for players.

It would take me the whole caveat to explain what the case law says on the topic but basically, if the players actually want to remove their employment relationship from antitrust immunity and pursue antitrust lawsuits they will have to fully ‘decertify’ as ‘disclaiming interest’ is likely not formal enough to be considered “sufficiently distant in time and in circumstances from the collective bargaining process” to remove the non-statutory labour exemption.

What’s Gunna Happen Pa’hI am fairly certain that NHL players just want to get back to playing. They do not want to go through a full decertification and antitrust trial that could take years to complete, and may significantly jeopardize the NHL game. For the elite players, not having a union may be beneficial because they will be able to sign limitless contracts and can easily negotiate all the benefits they previously received with a CBA in place. For the aver-age player, they will be at the mercy of the owners, as the owners will be able to unilaterally impose employ-ment terms which likely means no more guaranteed contracts, league minimum salary, health coverage and pensions for players that are deemed replaceable. Not only will the players lose the provisions that provide them contract benefits, but the NHL will lose the entire CBA regime that is designed to restrict earning poten-tial and increase parity across the NHL. The game will become a mess, as it will be nearly impossible for the bottom half of the league to compete with the big mar-ket franchises if players are given absolute freedom to negotiate throughout their entire career.

Whether or not the players would have success in anti-trust litigation or whether the league could be viable if operating without a CBA is so uncertain that I strongly doubt the players are willing to entertain the option. What they very well may be considering is electing to dissolve their union by disclaiming interest. By dis-claiming interest they are potentially bringing antitrust law into the picture and the NHL’s fear of treble dam-ages and uncertainty will likely force negotiation and ultimately a settlement like it did within weeks for the NFL and NBA in 2011.

baCHeLoreTTe of THe monTH

Comrades! Our Bachelorette of the Month is the girl on everyone’s Christmas wish list, Margi

Mataj. Born in a cave in the mountains of the Great Peoples’ Democratic Republic of Albania, Margi mar-ried a Canadian tourist to gain Canadian citizenship at the age of 12.

Ever since his mysterious disappearance a few months later, Margi Mataj has been looking for love. Her many skills include the ability to talk dirty in five dif-ferent languages, cooking Albanian roast, and play-ing rock soccer. She keeps her body toned by playing volleyball, squash, foxy boxing, and making regular appearances at the gym. You can find her working diligently in the law library or at the Yard and Flagon on Monday nights, but don’t get in between her burger and a beer deal. Serving delicious burgers since 1976, ask them about their new burger soup.

To keep up with Margi, you must be able to match her stylish looks and designs. Her notable fashion awards include first place in the ugly sweater contest and best costume at the annual golf tournament. Margi’s ideal date would begin with socking ding-ers at Fuddruckers (a test for physical prowess), then tandem-bicycling down scenic 8th Street over to

Original Joes for some half-off bottles of wine. After enjoying a nice candlelit dinner, the two of you would swing by the law building to play some foosball (5-bar goals allowed), followed by some bungee-jumping from the condemned Victoria Bridge. The perfect end to this perfect date? Cozy up on the couch together with her favourite Albanian documentary, star-ring Liam Neeson: Taken. Each stage of the date is a test, and Margi has a 5-point checklist: Agility, strength, liver strength, intelligence, and ability to do what you’re told.

Margi abides by the old Alba-nian proverb: “There are three things I look for in a man: grey hair, scars, and enemies.” Next time you see this exotic beauty walking around the halls don’t be shy and say hello.

Curtis Mennie, Pat Bush and Matt Schmeling

a pLea for THe Lawbrary

Hello again, fellow law students! The fine editors of the Caveat have allowed me to write another

article. Or, there weren’t enough submissions and mine made the cut out of necessity. Either way, I’m back!

Seeing as finals are now fast approaching, law stu-dents are spending more and more time in the law library, desperately cramming. As a colleague of mine once said, “If you never do the readings, you’ll never be behind.” Interesting.

As many of you know, a lot of my friends are com-merce students from next door (or as people like to call them, SNAILs). A favourite pastime of law students is to complain about SNAILs, how they’re always in our library, and always making noise. Well, sorry to burst the bubble, but law students do the most talking in the library. And not just a quick whisper of “Hi, how are you?” but full-on conversations. I won’t name names, but I think you know who you are.

Other library-related offences from SNAILs and law students alike include eating really strange, garlic-y food. Thank you for making my already unpleasant studying experience even better by experimenting with curry/paprika/sulfur. Also, the headphones that come with your iPhone aren’t soundproof. Like, at all. I really don’t need to be serenaded by some terrible techno while trying to crush out a paper.

It’s gotten to the point where my SNAIL friends are complaining about how loud the library is. SOME-THING IS WRONG WHEN SNAILs ARE COM-PLAINING ABOUT HOW NOISY THE LIBRARY IS! So I am begging everyone, seriously, please don’t talk in the library.

Now some people might say I make noise in the library. The talking I do in the library is telling other people in the library to stop talking. Or it’s the sound

of my increasing blood pressure from my anger towards other law students who talk con-stantly in the library. Isn’t it an-noying having to whisper your entire 20 minute conversation?! However, because I’m in the Christmas giving spirit, I’ll watch your laptops while you go hang out in the lounge and have your conversa-tion if it means you won’t talk in the library.

Speaking of the library, holy snap is it cold in there. Actually, it’s cold in the entire law building. I pack extra clothes just to wear in class. Some might say it’s because of my cold conservative heart, but I’ve talked to nice people and they’re cold too.

Our law building is LEED Gold certified. We’ve got fancy plaques around the building telling us how much energy and carbon we don’t consume because of all the extra windows, the roof garden (which is dead for 8 months of the year) and the exposed classroom pipes. I’m convinced that the LEED standard really just means we don’t actually turn on the heat ever and that’s how we’re conserving carbon.

LEED must have been invented by the granola-eaters out in British Columbia, where they think the apoca-lypse has happened if it slips below -5. It gets cold here. Often. And we need to actually turn on the fur-nace to prevent the inside of our building from reach-ing the sub-zero temperatures of -40. I’m not even sure if thermometers in BC go below -10.

I realize I’ve almost gone through my whole article and I haven’t quoted Winston Churchill yet. Here’s something inspirational from Sir Winston: “I pass with relief from the tossing sea of Cause and Theory to the firm ground of Result and Fact.”

Perfect for finals.

Michelle Lang

CoLLege of Law sTyLe

With exam and paper season in full swing, stu-dents at the College of Law have been express-

ing themselves in ever more creative ways. Who needs to be tying laces? Half-done up skater shoes are like Snuggies for your feet! Got those stress-eater urges? Munch on your hoodie’s draw strings! We took the liberty of consulting our dear friend Google for some fashion tips that will be sure to get every-one’s attention. The following are just some examples of how to maintain your style no matter how long ago it’s been since you did laundry.

1. Dressy, yet warm - Throw this on as you leave the house and be a champion of winter and the

red carpet. It’s like a mullet for your torso: business in the middle, puffy warmth for the extremi-ties. Feel free to accessorize by tying your bulky green scarf in a half-Windsor and completing the winter-pro-fessional look!

2. Wanting to set yourself apart at the next network-

ing function? How about the androgynous-law-student-with-extreme-attention-to-detail look? We’re not saying it’ll get you a job, but it will get you noticed.

3. We’ve noticed some men who

regularly wear dress shoes to school. Well done, but we feel you may be missing out on

some other areas of pedi-style. With a simple DIY stud-kit you can add some punk rock flare to your lounge wear. Slip these on, put your feet up, throw on “Gordon” by the Barenaked Ladies, sip your chamomile tea, and rock out my friend! You deserve it.

(P.S.: Beware: not all forms of punk rock appropriation are recommended. Chris Brown is

known for his bad judg-ment, so don’t follow his lead on this one.)

4. Having noticed various states of bed head (in-tentional and otherwise), may we suggest this

option: when your hair is especially greasy, go ahead and scrunch it into whatever amorphous blob you can dream up. If you have a handy shawl nearby, you use it to tie up said blob, strangle yourself in moments of deep despair, or block out the light the next time you have a nap in your cubicle. Just think how warm and comfy the synthetic fur of your new funky pajamas will be.

Pat McKenna and Margi Mataj

5. On the facial front, unless it’s Movember, which is already a difficult month to endure,

and you’re actually raising money for the cause, mus-taches are a big NO. You are going to be a lawyer - not a pedophile.

Having said that, if you can bend it like Beckham, then you are allowed to do whatever your gorgeous, very attractive, I-am-

drooling-all-over-my-laptop-right-now, little heart desires.

6. In the middle of exams and the

whinery season, UGGs are a comfort to many women. We wish you well maintaining yours in their best possible condi-tion: …rather than the ankle-breaking tragedy that befalls many a be-loved pair:

7. Who doesn’t love tights? Women love

them for their über com-

fort and men love to look at them. There’s the tights + jacket combo, the tights + sweater + UGGs sandwich, or the black tights + black turtleneck look that helps you attack your books like a cat burglar! Our only word of caution is to avoid the temptation of jeggings. We understand that all your denim might be in the laundry, but even during these dark months there are lines that can’t be crossed.

And when you finally do get around to finishing your 10 loads of laundry and get all your fancy clothes pressed and looking sharp, don’t be afraid to show the world what you’re made of.

Tell those exams who’s boss!

piraTes inCogniTo, suspeCTed of maLfeasanCe

After years of public escapades and larceny, Saskatoon should be wary of breathing easy.

Information has surfaced that prairie Pirates are hiding out in plain sight with clean-shaven chins and puberty-stubble Movember lip blankets. They are known for disorderly conduct in taverns and their disobedience of elders.

Many concerned citizens were eager for a public indictment of these four, sometimes five, young men. Word had leaked out in October that the Pirates were

facing a claim made by a local golf course for damages associ-ated with (but not limited to) sexually indecent use of a golf club and dangerous wielding of a saber causing slow play. According to our legal corre-spondent, Mick Glenning of Glenning & Bieber LLP, it appears that the claim was settled out of court. Later in October, the Pirates made a public appear-

Calen Nixon

ance as reformed religious zealots, perhaps as a publicity stunt. They claimed allegiance to the word of Father “Scotch” McLeod. McLeod, wearing only a kilt for his inter-view, expressed disdain that the Pi-rates “used [his] name in vain,” and that he had to disassociate himself from “goons.”

Just last week, a spate of new cor-porations were formed in Saskatch-ewan, all of which share the same address. It is an apartment which is visible from the McDonald’s on Eighth Street and is rumored to a Pirate club house. Glenning sus-pects that the Pirates are setting up business fronts to reduce tax losses and limit liability – all of which are legal reasons, he insists – of their ill-gotten funds.

This author has reason to suspect that members of the Pirates have been behind some of the dirti-est fantasy football schemes seen this year and have the potential to rake in thousands from their bets. Golden Taint is an upset fantasy

footballer who finds it “eggre-gious” that the previously-reported accounts of collusion on trade ve-toes and payout-structure swindling have not yet been officially linked to the Pirates. He’s calling for po-lice and commissioner inquiry.

Some suspect the Pirates are behind the new Saskatchewan legislation which allows alcohol to be served in spas and tease bars. There is word on the street of a new busi-ness venture to be opened near the suspected club house by the Wendy’s. It is rumoured to feature a beard-shaping bar and mast-dancing on Fridays. The buzz is that Lane “Chupacabra” Travis will be running the establishment which plans on competing in the lucra-tive rum and plunder market. Lane is the only recognizable Pirate as his facial hair is either non-existent or drawn-on. Most Pirates experts believe Lane is just a “galley-boy” or a “lackey” and not a full-beard member. Lane was unable to be reached for comment.

Perhaps the most unnerving ru-mour is that former hackey-sack champion and local scallywag Leif “Norseman” Hallveig stole nearly $2,000 in an orchestrated public scandal to see him shave his beard for “charity.” Though his member-ship is not confirmed, there is stark evidence to place him at 7-11 with three other known Pirates on the night of October 26. This reporter was emailed these undercover pho-tos from the Saskatoon Anti-Pirates Police Task Force.

The public are advised to lock up their golf carts and check the air in their tires before starting cars. This reporter believes that with this new taste for cash, these Pirates could be more of a menace than ever before.

Two suspected Pirates. The one in the back is spitting in the direction of the under-cover officer, dis-guised as a young trick-or-treater.

a weeK aT buffMatt and Jock are the resident Marquis Connoisseurs. They embarked on a journey to eat at Buff every day of the week. This is their story.

MondayAs you enter Marquis, you are warmly welcomed by Julie White. She has been in the cafeteria game for years and knows how to run a tight ship. This gal isn’t jaded though- she is always pleasant and enthusiastic. For my money, there is no woman I would rather see to start my week off right.

We started with some fresh veggies (for health). Marquis provides a healthy option for those who don’t have the time to cook or grocery shop. Take Pat Bush, for example, who has been overheard saying that “Buff is good for getting my daily vegetables!” Today was Ukrainian day at Marquis. They had all the classic Ukrainian staples: cabbage rolls, perogies, farmer’s sausage, and borscht. Ya know, that ol’ country Sas-katchewan flavour (such a winning spread).

There is always a nice selection of soups. Out of Mon-day’s three options, Matt and Jock’s recommendation would be the chickpea and beef chowda. Highly rec-ommended for those gym rats seeking extra protein. The sandwich bar is always a good option if none of the hot foods appeal to your palate. Just make sure not to go at peak hour as it can get busy as fuck. The sand-wich bar always has a variety of options. Grab some focaccia bread if you want to maximize flavour, or get a whole-wheat wrap if health is your primary con-cern. Even though there is always a full sandwich bar, there is also a sammie du jour created by the culinary wizards behind the counter (let’s just say that they put those “artists” at Subway to shame). You don’t want to sleep on this option. Monday offered a delicious pizza sub. Mozzarella cheese, white dinner roll, pepperoni, salami, bologna, and plenty of tangy marinara SAU-WCE. Piled High. Big taste.

There was also an Asian spread (so you know it’s

healthy). The chow mein was fresh and tasty. Kathy He even gave it her stamp of approval, so you know it’s legit. Ms. He was quoted as saying “The Ori-ent is known for delicious fla-vors, health, Karate, weird sex, and Nintendo. The chow mein delivered on two of these.” We’ll let you guess which two!

Monday’s Marquis Pro Tip: Take a small portion of food on your first go and leave the empty plates on your table as a visual reminder each time you refill. This way you’ll pace yourself and won’t overeat.

TuesdayIt’s the second day of our weeklong mission. Every Tuesday is Roast Beef day (it’s locally produced at Benlock’s Farm so you can feel good about yourself). Tuesday’s beef was prepared and served by Mr. Lee. He provided generous portion sizes and did so with a contagious smile. Unless, of course, you mentioned Sean Fagan’s name, in which case NO ROAST BEEF FOR YOU!

Tuesday is a great day to hob nob and rub shoulders with the Who’s Who of the College of Law faculty. Professor Newman and Plaxton have been known to enjoy a delicious lunch at the ‘Quis from time to time. Granted, neither of us feels like we are on their intel-lectual level and are too scared to say hi, but still- it’s pretty cool!

The chicken rice soup was a real winner on Tuesday. Leif Jensen, who may have lost his beard but not his discerning taste in soups, gave it two thumbs up and said “Damn, that’s some delish soup.”

Jock Kriegler and Matt Schmeling

Tuesday’s Marquis Pro Tip: The desserts can be hit or miss. But, when it’s a hit, it’s a homerun! The pista-chio squares are a grand slam of deliciousness. If you don’t take down at least one or two of these pistachio squares with your post-meal coffee, you are striking out.

WednesdayWe broke from the traditional lunchtime meal at Marquis because Jock had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon. Luckily, the doctor prescribed a healthy dose of Marquis eats for supper. Needless to say, this was the only medication Jock needed to get over his Humpday Flu. The dinner spread is a little different than at lunch time. There are fewer options, but rest assured, all the options were still on point.

There was a macaroni bar that allowed you to custom-ize your own mac and cheese dish. The toppings bar boasted choices of bacon, chicken, ham, and beef. Matt put that engineering degree to good use and cal-culated that you have 24 possible combos on mac and cheese day (and if you want to really kick that mac and cheese off the chain with some relish, ketchup, mayo, and hot sauce the possibilities become damn near limitless).

The sweet potato fries were out of this world, espe-cially when paired with some mayo for easy dippin’. They went down smooth with our Diet Cokes. If you aren’t a fan of soda, have no fear: Marquis has plenty of unlimited beverage options. These include freshly squeezed fruit juice, 1 and 2 percent milk, chocolate milk, and sparkling water.

Wednesday’s Marquis Pro Tip: Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. The culinary staff are there to help and make your day. Take the chicken server, for example. When asked for drumsticks only, she was happy to serve up the juiciest chicken legs on the pan. Now that’s service!

ThursdayThursday is such a special day at Marquis. You’re probably asking yourself what makes this day so spe-

cial? Well, think about it like this: what rhymes with Thursday? That’s right, Tur-kay! Marquis knows how to do turkey right. There’s mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, Yorkshire pudding, and cranberry sauce. The works, really. Full spread. If you have some studying to do and want to stay alert and avoid napping from the tryptophan, there are always two daily ‘za specials rollin’ out of the oven during lunch and dinner every day of the week (except weekends).

When at Marquis, take in and appreciate the ambience. The dining hall is a historic part of the U of S Campus. It includes tall ceilings and big windows that allow the room to be filled with beautiful, natural light. The sparkling water machine is located on the West Side of the hall and rumour has it that the architect did so in order to increase feng shui and positive vibes all around. Marquis is not only about the food- it’s about the experience. There are plenty of laughs. Good food. Great company. Smiling at the babes. Them smiling back. It just doesn’t get any better. Sitting around after your meal, having a cup of coffee and letting your food digest is how you do things right. At this point, you see who the authentic Marquis connois-seurs are, a real separation of the men from the boys, the fair-weather, bandwagon fans and the true, blue, all-American diehards.

Thursday’s Marquis Pro Tip: If you can’t appreciate the fine dining environment of Marquis, we suggest you leave, walk downstairs, take a left into Mac’s, and suck on a corndog, ya piece of trash!

FridayIt’s the last day of our adventure. It’s Friday so that alone should make the day great. But Marquis knows that when you get to the top all you can do is fall, so the Culinary Geniuses (just a little nickname we gave them) decided to deliver the goods. And, boy, did they deliver. The chicken fingers were crispy and had plenty of dippin’ options including plum sauce, dill dip, honey mustard, and barbeque SAUWCE. The tacos provided a choice of vegetarian, chicken mole, and beef fajita. Let’s just say if you didn’t go back for seconds, you have no appreciation for Latin cuisine

and we suggest you go get cul-tured, pronto.

Friday’s Marquis Pro Tip: There is always something for everyone at Marquis. It’s up to you to go find out what that something is. Salad bar, three soup options, full

sandwich bar (Sandwich Wizard included), two choices of chef-inspired pizzas, five different kinds of cereal (yes, even Froot Loops), a hot buffet including ethnic foods and daily specials, two different kinds of pastas, unlimited beverag-es (chocolate milk, Pepsi products,

three kinds of specialty coffees, standard coffee, fruit juices, water and sparkling water, nine kinds of tea). It is such great value ($9.95) for the big portions. We suggest you make your next meal Marquis.

poverTy and THe CHarTerWorking at CLASSIC as an intensive clinical law student has had a corrupting influence on my men-tal faculties. These days, I tend to view any kind of legal area within the prism of poverty law. Take, for instance, oil and gas law. One would assume that oil and gas means a ton of money, multi-national business ventures, and trillion dollar transactions. But I see oil and gas law as an area that should work to protect poor aboriginals whose lands are being taken away. I guess I have to stop thinking about poverty law as soon as I am back to school next term. Professor Buhler might be flabbergasted hearing this, but I need to get my sanity back. Yet, having been born in one of the most impoverished nations on earth (Bangladesh), poverty always seems to seduce me back to its bosom.

I was rummaging through the Canadian Charter to find out what it says about poverty. To my utter sur-prise, there is no mention of poverty. On top of this, I discovered that the courts have consistently rejected poverty as one of the enumerated grounds of dis-crimination; meaning, one cannot be discriminated economically. Really? What is the meaning of liberty to a person who has dire poverty; how do you ensure the security of person. Can there be dignity for a man who sleeps in the street? Other day, Kathleen McLean and I were doing the United Way “homeless count” in Saskatoon. There we met this defiant street beg-gar in the downtown. For last five or so years he lives on the street. He does not go to government shelters because according to him “those people treat me like a criminal”. On the street, “I am my own boss”. We felt ashamed that we collectively failed that man and

multitudes of poor who roam on the Earth called Canada.

This year, Saskatoon has raised property and other taxes. Guess what? Nearly 80 per cent of additional revenue collected in the process will be used for police service. That does not surprise me at all. When poverty is not a ground of discrimination, it is natural that the poor will not have a penny. Who does not know that most crimes occur in the poor neighborhood and most criminals are from poor cross section of Saskatoon population? Yet, investing for poor does not seem to be on the “cause list” of government.

The South African constitution is lauded as one of the most progressive constitutions in the world. Section 27 provides the rights to food, water, health care and social assistance; Section 23: labour rights, including the right to unionize and the right to strike. Section 26: right to housing; Section 29: right to education. If South African constitution could enshrine these rights of the poor; Canadian constitution definitely can.

Wrote this ramble because Professor Burningham (who taught me the Charter) cannot chide me. Nor, the first-year students yet have deep insight into the complex maze of Charter issues to give me an inauspi-cious peer review. Yet, everyday working at CLASSIC brings me solace; that I am trying for the have-nots because once upon a time I was one of them; and God willing I could again become one of them.

Khurshed Chowdhury