The Best Things in Life Aren't Things

by Joann Davis 

When Alexis de Tocqueville wrote Democracy in America in 1835, he portrayed a nation enthralled by materialism "I know of no country where the love of money has taken a stronger hold on the affections of men," opined the young French social critic of his visit to the "New World."

De Tocqueville's quote came to mind, curiously, after September 11, when President Bush told the nation to "go shopping" to regain a feeling of normalcy. "Go shopping?" I said in disbelief to my husband when I heard our leader's suggestion. Nothing could have been further from our minds. Call me unpatriotic, but in the months that followed, I was mired down in a period of profound reflection. My husband and I felt pulled to the larger questions that often get lost in our day-to-day hustle to make ends meet and blindly get wherever we are going. What really mattered to us? Did we keep our priorities in sight as much as possible and count our blessings? Try to regain our equilibrium led us to reflect upon how we spent our time and energy.

One day, as we were pulling out of a parking lot near our country home in Dorset, Vermont, my husband pointed out a bumper sticker on the car ahead that bore the words, "The Best Things in Life Aren't Things." I sat in silence for a moment, contemplating the sentiment. Yes, I thought. Stripped of all pretense, life isn't about what we acquire and own. It is a spiritual exercise rooted in virtue, principle, experience, community, and faith. It is a loving collaboration involving our family, friends, and dearest intimates. It is about the beauty and glory of the natural world in its infinite variety. These are the most meaningful components of our life on earth. At once, these simple words—The Best Things in Life Aren't Things—struck me as words to live by.

Stopping to consider what makes life worth living forced me to recognize that a spiritual economy—a good will economy, if you life—exists beyond the material economy. The currency in this spiritual economy isn't dollars, euros, or yen. Neither is it stocks, bonds, treasury notes, or investments. It has nothing to do with the financial news or the crawl at the bottom of our television screens indicating stock values. The capital in this spiritual economy is love, caring, and sharing. It is about appreciating our individual and collective gifts.

While the material economy thrives on "scoring the best deal," "cut throat competition," and "making a killing," the spiritual economy savors the experiences that bind us together. Its focus is on lending a helping hand and being neighborly. On practicing generosity and extending forgiveness. It's about showing compassion, offering comfort to those in distress, and having the courage of our convictions. It's about being willing to stand up and take an unpopular position when the reward may be nothing more than a stronger backbone.

Easier said than done, some might argue. And I would agree. Full of trials and tribulations, life can be a difficult path to walk, fraught with hard choices and moral dilemmas. Throughout this period of deep introspection that my husband and I embarked on, I wondered what there was to guide us as we navigated the treacherous twists and turns in the road.

Worth bearing in mind, I decided, is that the best things in life are life affirming. Thoughts, words, deeds, and experiences that increase our personal well being, individual potential, quality of life, and sense of fulfillment without harming another individual or group are life affirming. The best choices we can make always support life, helping it to unfold and flourish, while bad choices cause destruction and harm, sucking away our life force and dragging everything down around us.

Each day that we rise from our beds, we have a decision to make—what will we choose to do with the life we are given? Will we choose to safeguard our health, develop our gifts, enrich our community, speak and act kindly, and leave the Earth better than we found it? Or will we neglect our bodies, waste our potential, destroy the natural world, and squander the opportunities that come our way? It is each person's prerogative to decide.

I believe the opportunities to practice "life support" fall into four basic areas. These include the choice of life-affirming words, life-affirming thoughts, life-affirming deeds, and life-affirming experiences.

Starting with words, it is important to acknowledge that we influence the world every time we open our mouths. Will we speak life-affirming words that demonstrate respect, love, and kindness? Or will we speak disparaging words of contempt, condescension, and aggression? Sometimes it is scary to witness the verbal contempt that has become common in everyday life. Nowhere is it acknowledged that lowering the bar of civility makes it tolerable to keep lowering the bar until we are all wallowing in the mud of incivility. Harsh words penetrate the spirit, while gentle words signal our desire to eliminate the slings and arrows of outrageous conduct.

And what of life-affirming deeds? Actions really do speak louder than words. Do we push to be first in line, drain the last cup of coffee from the pot, and slam the door on the person in the rear? Or do we pay a visit to a friend sick in bed, share our lunch with the person who forgot to bring his own, and give our seat to the pregnant woman on the crowded bus? Life on Earth is about living in a community made happier by the spirit of kindness and sharing. As John Donne so poetically noted, "No man is an island...." Self-centered, egotistical, and narcissistic actions that disrespect the group in which we dwell are not life affirming.

A third important category is made up of life-affirming experiences. These are the ones that touch our spirit and make us feel alive. Walking on the beach, reuniting with an old friend, seeing a sunset, holding a newborn—each of these experiences offers a

natural high that makes us feel alive and part of a larger and invisible whole. They also expand our awareness of who we are and carry us away from the pedestrian and workaday lives that can weigh down our spirits, giving us some much needed refreshment.

Finally, life-affirming thoughts are an important component of a rich and meaningful life. After all, thought is the seedbed of action. Thoughts of jealousy, anger, revenge, rage, and hostility can give rise to actions of the same nature. Thoughts of love, generosity, and caring can lead to productive and helpful actions. Instead of brooding, worrying, fretting, resenting, and being anxious, how much better to bathe our thoughts in fairness, kindness, consideration, affection and generosity? To be constructive with our thoughts and use them as a staging area for a better tomorrow is an important first step toward changing the world, which must always begin with changing ourselves.

To affirm life or destroy it. In the final analysis, I decided, little else matters. Though American society may be built on the principles of consumerism, though the marketers and advertisers may tell us we need a new gold watch or SUV to be complete, much greater riches are to be found in our relationships, in nature, in virtue, emotion, and faith. None of these intangibles is for sale at the mall where the sign may say that, "Happiness is available—if you find the right store." True peace and contentment have never been for sale. Despite the American love affair with money, despite de Tocqueville's observation, far greater riches can be found in the pursuit of life-affirming values.

Going forward, then, we need only to heed the words of the enlightened ones who have spoken throughout time. It was Jesus who said, "For what has a man profited if he gains the world and loses his soul?" Five hundred years before Jesus, Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu cautioned, "There is no calamity greater than lavish desire." And was it not Proverbs that instructed, "He that trusteth in his riches shall fall"?

Dare we consider that the best things in life aren't things? Along with our spiritual life and connections to one another, are we not wise to elevate and honor the invisible virtues and values that tie us together? Embracing sacrifice and service. Understanding the great importance of moving from the "Me" generation to the "We" generation. Valuing who we are as people instead of what we stuff in our closets.

In the acceptance of these truths, I truly believe, the way forward is forever made clear.

Joann Davis is the author of The Best Things in Life Aren't Things, published by Beacon Press.