the art of self-coaching @ stanford gsb, class 1: beginnings
TRANSCRIPT
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The art of
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
self-coachingEd Batista
Class 1: April 3, 2015
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Class 1
Photo by Judy van der Velden [link]
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Beginnings
Photo by Judy van der Velden [link]
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Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we
Learning community
High-level concepts
Logistics
going?
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How will we
Very brief lectures
Two activities
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
get there?
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Photo by U.S. Army [link]
Workingagreements
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I will…
Give you my best
Welcome input
End on time
What else would be helpful for you?
Workingagreements
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Workingagreements
I ask you to…
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Photo by Luz Adriana Villa [link]
Workingagreements
I ask you to…
Start on time
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Working
I ask you to…
Challenge yourself
agreements
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
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Working
I ask you to…
Respectconfidentiality
agreements
Photo by Vox Efx [link]
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Working
I ask you to…
Minimizedistractions
agreements
Photo by Robert S. Donovan [link]
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Working
I ask you to…
Start on time
Challenge yourself
Respect confidentiality
Minimize distractions
Can we all commit to this?
agreements
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Who am I?
Coaching/self-coaching
An exercise
Coaching tools
Partnerships
Logistics
Today’s agenda
Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
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Who am I?Instructor
Leadership Labs & Fellows
Touchy Feely
Class of 2000
Executive coach & HBR contributor
www.edbatista.com
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Why coachingmatters to me…
Started as a client
Changed my view of leadership
Impact on hundreds of students & clients
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Why self-coachingdoes, too
1%
6 to 24 months
Help my students & clients help themselves
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What’s coaching?
Not advising or mentoring
Not diagnostic
Coachee owns the agenda
Coachee has the answers
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
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Guiding our own growth & development
Not a solitary experience, but self-directed
Coaching partners are essential
You’ll have 2 in this course
& self-coaching?
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
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Positive
Photo by Susanne Nilsson [link]
psychology
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Positivepsychology
Study of what makes life most worth living
Equally focused on strengths & weaknesses
Robust research to date
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Risk of social comparison
Sense of agency We blame ourselves
Avoid triumph & despair
Get curious instead
The downside
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Joyful learning
Yerkes-Dodson Law (Harvard, 1908)
Arousal improves performance up to a point
Some stress increases learning
Too much stress diminishes learning
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Joyful learning
Stress
Learning
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Joyful learning
Hans Selye, Université de Montréal
Eustress & distress
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Joyful learning
Stress
Learning
Eustress Distress
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Joyful learning
Judy Willis
Teachers limit stress levels Students learn more
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Joyful learning
Stress
Learning
Eustress Distress
Critical to avoid the tipping point
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Safety, trust,
Photo by Carly Lesser & Art Drauglis [link]
intimacy
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CONTEXTLearning,
Awareness,
& Behavioral
Change
Experimentation,
Risk-Taking,
& Vulnerability
Safety, Trust, Intimacy
Initial Conditions
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Safety, trust,intimacy
Built through relationships
A critical skill for self-coaching
You’ll practice in here with partners
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Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
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Coaching tools
Ask
Edgar Schein
Help doesn’t always help
What’s a better way?
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Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
Begin with receptivity
Avoid presumptive questions
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
Focus & redirect
Feelings, motives, actions
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
3. Confrontational inquiry
Introduce new ideas & hypotheses
Substitute the coach’s narrative
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
3. Confrontational inquiry
We tend to move too quickly
Critical to check our assumptions
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Ask better
Photo by Alexander Drachman [link]
questions
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Ask better
Get beyond Yes or No
What…? & How…? > Why…?
More reflection, less defensiveness
questions
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Ask better
No leading questions
That’s advocacy, not coaching
questions
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Ask better
One more tip…
Ask once & stop
questions
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Coaching tools
Ask, Listen
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Listening skills
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
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Listening skills
Hearing ≠ listening
How they feel > what you hear
Make them feel heard
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Listening skills
Focused attention > time
Cultivate presence
Eye contact
No multi-tasking
Eliminate distractions
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Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
Brené Brown*
Shame & empathy
Edgar Schein
Shame in helping relationships
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Shame &
Shame = We are flawed & unworthy of love
Empathy = The antidote to shame
empathy
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Shame &
Shame = Unravels relationships & connections
Empathy = Creates closeness & meaning
empathy
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Shame &
Seeking help typically triggers shame
(or embarrassment or vulnerability)
empathy
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Shame &
But typical helping responses block empathy
1. “My problem’s worse”
2. “Look on the bright side”
3. “Here’s some advice…”
empathy
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Shame &
Instead…
1. Respect their view & avoid judgment
2. Look for, sense & validate feelings
3. Express understanding
empathy
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Traps for the coach
Photo by Casey Fleser [link]
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Traps for the coach
Giving advice prematurely
Overpowering resistance
Taking on the problem
Stereotyping
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
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Course logistics
Photo by Glyn Lowe [link]
Everything’s on Canvas
Syllabus = Home page & PDF
All readings = PDFs or websites
Assignments = Left menu & bottom of Syllabus
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Course logistics
Contact me (also in Syllabus)
Email, phone, text are all fine
Generally 8am-6pm
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Grading
Attendance 30%
Weekly assignments 40%
Final paper 30%
Pass/fail allowed
3.45 mean GPA
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Attendance
It matters
A lot
Unexcused absences = grade impact
More than 1 may = U
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Written work
Photo by Anonymous Collective [link]
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Written work
8 weekly assignments, 1000 word limit
Final paper, 5000 word limit
Deadline is always Wednesday @ 6pm
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Written work
The content is up to you
Responses to course materials & experiences
No specific questions, prompts or requirements
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Written work
5 grading criteria:
Timely
Personal
Conceptual
Well-crafted
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1:1 Meetings
Entirely optional, no impact on grade
Wednesdays & Fridays
Default = Meet in front of Bass & go for a walk