the acquisition of embarrassment: a study regarding the ways in which embarrassment is learned and...

7/31/2019 The Acquisition of Embarrassment: A Study Regarding The Ways in Which Embarrassment is Learned and Reinforc

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Running Head: The Acquisition of Embarrassment

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The Acquisition of Embarrassment:

A Study Regarding The Ways in Which Embarrassment is Learned and Reinforced

William Boston, Alexa Hamilton, Lauren Ashley Huff, Nancy Jasper, Kamie Watkins

The Evergreen State College


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 2

Abstract:

Our endeavor began in order to answer the research question of How is embarrassment

learned? The main topic of our project was to arrive at a deeper understanding of the emotion of

embarrassment and who taught us to feel it. We used a survey method to gather data regarding

this topic, asking participants (people living in The United States above the age of 18) to

Describe an early memory in which you were embarrassed, and explain why that experience

was embarrassing. Parents and peers were a common audience for these situations and they

tended to intensify the embarrassing feelings of the participants. Coding the data with Rowland

Millers taxonomy, we placed each of the results into categories of Faux Pas, Sticky Situation,

and Center of Attention. We then developed our own subcategories framed by Millers

taxonomy. In the end, we found that parents, peers, and authority figures have the biggest

influence in the learning and reinforcement of embarrassment.

Keywords: embarrassment, socialization, children


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Introduction/Literature Review:

Nearly everyone in the world has at one point in their life experienced some form of

embarrassment, be it mild and fleeting or completely paralyzing. Tripping and falling in the

school cafeteria, calling someone by the wrong name, orputting ones shirt on inside out are all

examples of embarrassment elicitors. Embarrassment can affect individuals differently based on

the particular environment of the scenario, ones unique socio-personal experiences, inborn

temperament and social status.

But what is embarrassment really? Stuart Walton states that the Shorter Oxford

Dictionarydefines embarrassment as, perplexity, confusion of thought; hesitation; constraint

arising from bashfulness or timidity (Walton, 2004, p.282). However, this is merely a basic

explanation. Embarrassment is a complex emotion and is thought to be a relatively new social

and linguistic construction in the history of society. Stuart Walton (2004), in his book,A Natural

History of Human Emotions, states that the earliest recorded usage of embarrassment was in

1774. In modern society, embarrassment serves in the display and control of aggression,

morality, and the maintenance of communicative interactions into a socio-hierarchical structure

(Keltner & Buswell, 1997). Brent Dean Robbins and Holly Parlavecchio (2006), in their study

The Unwanted Exposure of the Self: A Phenomenological Study of Embarrassment,define

embarrassment as the acute state of flustered, awkward, abashed, chagrin that follows events

that increase the threat of unwanted evaluations [negative or positive] from real or imagined

audiences.The events of embarrassment, as our study found, and as scholars claim, can be

manifested and experienced in diverse ways.

Shame and Embarrassment, two seemingly interchangeable nouns used in trivial

conversation, are actually quite distinct in definition. While Both of these emotions fit under the


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 4category of self-conscious emotions, seemingly because attentiondrawn to the self is

necessary to experience them, in the world of psychology they are truly different (Robbins &

Parlavecchio, 2006). However, this is not to say that there isnt experiential overlap between the

two emotions. Many times individuals experience shame and embarrassment simultaneously.

Walton (2004) states that embarrassment is often involved in ones experience of shame,

although shame is not necessarily present in ones pure experience of embarrassment (p. 288).

There is a general consensus by psychologists that embarrassment involves a transgression of

social norms while shame involves longer-lasting regret in regards to cowardice or breaches of

moral standards, or a fatal, recurring flaw in ones character that continues to plague the

individual. In this sense, shame involves a more overarching sense that ones entire being is to

blame for an indiscretion while Embarrassment on the other hand is a much more fleeting

emotion, usually accompanied by blushing or laughter, in which one has negative feelings about

their presented self during a particular moment or event which can then be rehashed through

recollection of the moment (Edelmann 1987, p. 5-6).

Studies show that the prototypical embarrassment expression involves a frequent pattern

of gaze aversion, smile control, downward head movements, face touches, and blushing. Past

findings suggest that these signs of embarrassment are more or less universal across cultures,

expressions being strikingly similar (Coffaro & Harris, 2011). These physical expressions of

embarrassment are analogous to providing an apology for ones behavior;similar to saying Im

sorry for acting inappropriately (Semin& Manstead, 1992).

As with most emotions, embarrassment has its own way of benefitting people socially.

The expression of embarrassment acts as a mechanism that allows the individual to correct the

mistake that they made, showing others that they can identify the fault and are aware that it

needs fixing (Anderson 2000). This begins with blushing, a tool that proves we are not only


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 5aware of ourselves, but of the perception others have of us. Blushing intensifies the very

phenomenon that causes embarrassmentattention to the self (Walton 2004, p. 284). It lets

others know we are aware of the social transgression or breach of etiquette we have

committed (Walton 2004, p. 286). This physical representation of embarrassment is beyond

ones control and starts even before we realize it, thus making it impossible to hide as it

continues to manifest. In the end, blushing assists us in coping with our embarrassing moments,

providing an outward recognition that helps us to smooth over betrayals and blunders rather

than to amplify them (Carey 2009).

Karen Caplovitz Barrett (2005), in her study entitled The Origins of Social Emotions and

Self-Regulation in Toddlerhood: New Evidence, states that there are essentially two forms of

embarrassment, non-evaluative and evaluative. The writers of The Role of Self-Focused Attention

in ChildrensAttributions of Social Emotions to the Self, Mark Bennett and Karen Gillingham

(1991), as well as Cristina Colonnesi, Iris M. Engelhard, and Susan M. Bogels (2009)who

wroteDevelopment in Childrens Attribution of Embarrassment and the Relationship with

Theory of Mind and Shyness, describe these two forms of embarrassment as primitive and

mature. Non-evaluative or primitive embarrassment mainly takes the form of exposure and

conspicuousness of ones physical self, or being on display. For example, this could be

manifested in a physical loss of control of ones body or unwanted positive attentionand could

occur if someone were to trip down stairs or forget to zip their fly after leaving the bathroom.

Whether or not the perceived attention is positively or negatively focused does not disqualify this

type of embarrassment as non-evaluative; one could even become embarrassed when others sing

happy birthday to them. On the other hand, evaluative or mature embarrassment takes the form

of a personal failure or social transgression such as failing to follow correct etiquette at a dinner

party, or farting in a full elevator (Barrett, 2005). Elicitation of evaluative embarrassment


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 6always requires the presence of an audience, although this is not critical to non-evaluative

embarrassment. In either case the embarrassment seems to most often stem from unwanted

exposure of ones self.

It is important to note that in order to experience embarrassment, one must have some

level of self-consciousness and self-recognition. Self-recognition begins in infancy, when babies

become aware that they are distinct and living entities. Philippe Rochat (2003), inFive Levels of

Self-Awareness as They Unfold in Early Life, states that self-recognition can be seen to begin

when children look into a mirror and recognize their reflection as themselves. It is interesting to

note that even infants, who have yet to gain self-consciousness, can experience a form of non-

evaluative embarrassment, which can stem from the awareness that outside attention is focused

on oneself (Barrett, 2005). However, it is not until a childs second year of life that self-

consciousness emerges. At this point, children are able to evaluate their actions and behaviors

based on social norms, goals, and standards.

In Cultivated Emotions: Parental Socialization of Positive Emotions and Self-Conscious

Emotions, Barbara Fredrickson (1998) describes the ways in which children learn empathy and

internalize social norms related to the self-conscious emotions. Parents essentially strive to

cultivate and encourage particular emotions or emotional responses in their children, and

eventually want their child to generate these responses independently. Fredrickson (1998) states

that children mainly learn these social norms from their parents in three main ways, 1.parental

reactions to childrens emotions, 2. parental discussion of emotion, and 3. parental expression of

emotion. A direct example could be a parent telling their child, You should be ashamed of

yourself!or Youre embarrassing me. Other ways in which parents impress embarrassment

upon their children are more discreet, such as body language and facial expressions. In this way,


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 7expected social cues are still made clear to children, but in a more covert way (Fredrickson,

1998).

The ultimate outcome of this socialization is that children come to internalize these social

ideals. Roland S. Miller (1996), inEmbarrassment: Poise and Peril in Everyday Life, states that

generally, children will imitate the emotions of their parents because they receive positive

feedback for doing so. Furthermore, Barrett (2005) asserts that, a strong body of evidence

suggests that guilt and/or internalization [of self-conscious emotions] are positively related to a

warm, close relationship between parent and child,suggesting that one factor influencing

childrens internalization may be theirmotivation to accept the parents standard. Eventually

this internalization and imitative behavior begins to manifest itself, even when a parent isnt

present. In this way children gradually become embarrassed by misbehavior that might once

have pleased their parents, and proceed to accept social norms as their own (Miller, 1996, p. 81-

82).

The prior research we found provided us with a great deal of information regarding the

nature of embarrassment, especially with regards to how and when it develops. Based on these

findings regarding the development of embarrassment, we predict that individuals will have

learned embarrassment mainly through the process of socialization from their parents, other

family members, and peers. Additionally, we assume that the results of our survey will then

provide us with first-hand, experiential data with regards to the progression and socialization of

embarrassment in individuals. We hope that the results of our survey question will build upon

these findings, as well asprovide us with answers to our research question, How is

embarrassment learned?

Methods:


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 8To find out how embarrassment is learned, we developed an open-ended survey question

in order to obtain qualitative, experientially rich responses from participants. As was previously

mentioned, our overarching research question was How is embarrassment learned? Thus, our

survey question asked for respondents to Describe an early memory in which you were

embarrassed, and explain why that experience was embarrassing.Our question was then

combined with fellow students in the program Interrogating Emotions at The Evergreen State

College. The other questions in the survey related to the experiences of love, lust, internal and

external guilt, anxiety, happiness, jealousy, fear and sadness. The order of the questions was

arbitrarily decided and static. The survey was hosted by Survey Monkey, and was made

available to the public (aged 18 and older) for a period of two weeks during the month of

October 2011.

At this point, all of the researchers posted the public survey link on Craigslist and

Facebook. A Listserv e-mail containing the survey link was also sent out to the students of The

Evergreen State College and some researchers e-mailed the link to individuals in their own

address book. Our program also took the survey using a separate link, however the responses

were discarded, as too much personal information was revealed, threatening the confidentiality

of the survey. In regards to our survey question, a total of 87 participants made an attempt at

answering the question.

Process:

As was stated in the introduction, we expected our participants responses to address how

the development of embarrassment begins and progresses, as well as how the subjects had

learned particular embarrassing behaviors. Almost all 87 participants responses provided more

or less detailed examples of embarrassing situations, especially information about the main


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 9elicitors of the embarrassing situation. This information was useful because it allowed us to infer

the major influences of embarrassment and to understand the extent that an audience (parents,

peers, authority figures) specifically taught or reinforced embarrassment.

We coded this data first using Millers (1996) taxonomy, which identifies three

categories of embarrassment:Faux Pas, Sticky Situation,and Center of Attention (p. 112-113).

We chose to use Millers taxonomy to initially analyze our data because it is considered by

emotion researchers to be the most cohesive and widely accepted model of embarrassment. As

we looked at our data, Millers taxonomy fit quite well with our empirical results. Using

Millers taxonomy as a vehicle for understanding the key categories of embarrassment, we then

developed our own coding system of subcategories of Miller's three main terms to further

analyze and understand the data. It is important to note that while our empirical results were

deduced from our own data coding sub-system, we used Millers taxonomy as a way of

organizing our data into parent categories so that we could analyze it in the context of prior

research.

Faux Pas:

Millers (1996)first theme,Faux Pas, essentially means a violation of accepted social

norms and describes an unwanted public failing which reveals a personality flaw that the

transgressor would prefer to keep hidden (p. 112). Embarrassment in the case of aFaux Pas

usually stems from a fear of rejection or a loss of esteem. As we looked at our participants

responses, five key subcategories stood out as being related to aFaux Pas - thesesubcategories

includeLoss of Control, Performance Error, Being Different, Lack of Knowledge, andEtiquette

Violation.


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 10Loss of Controldescribes a moment in which the victim is unable to control the self or

the situation; an example of which was when one respondent stated,

I was an 8-year-old girl visiting my neighbors house, sitting with two girls

around my age, when I suddenly began to accidentally pee my pantswhen thegirls saw what was happening and looked at me with wide-open eyes, I wasalready standing up to dash out of the room, so embarrassed....

This qualifies as aLoss of Controlbecause the subject lost control of her bladder, which

subsequently resulted in her embarrassment.Performance Error is the second

subcategory of aFaux Pas, and it describes a performance failing that occurs in front of

an audience. An example of aPerformance Errorcan be seen in this response: I

remember an experience in the fifth grade when we all were playing a rigorous game

outdoors and I complained about not being able to keep up. The other students teased me

about it In this example the respondents peers incite judgmental mockery as a result

of his or her physical failings.

Being Differentencompasses situations in which the transgressor feels different

from those around them. An example of this situation occurred in the response, Being

made fun of as a child because I have 3 toes stuck together. I got called duck toes and got

quacked at when I went to a public pool. I was realizing I was different. Because the

subject was anatomically different from the audience they were shunned and teased by

their peers, ultimately resulting in embarrassment. Lack of Knowledgedenotes a time in

which the victim was unaware of information and was embarrassed as a result, like in the

case of this respondent who said, "I was playing with another little kid in a dept. store

when I was about three or so and I told the little girl that my dad was black. He is actually

white, just pretty tan. My mom and dad laughed at me a lot. I became embarrassed once I

realized my mistake. Because the individual appeared ignorant in the eyes of their

parents, he or she was embarrassed.


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 11Finally,Etiquette Violationdescribes a moment in which one violates a regarded

social code, such as the case of a respondent who declared, Farted in a middle school

classroom. Mostly embarrassed by the public demonstration of something I then thought

should be private. In the eyes of the audience, farting out loud was considered incorrect

social etiquette, therefore the subject became embarrassed.

Sticky Situation:

Millers (1996) second theme, Sticky Situation, is defined as an uncomfortable social

situation that is riddled by awkward feelings for the transgressor and sometimes the bystander (p.

112). Embarrassment in this theme correlates to an acute perception of how one appears to others

for the purpose of avoiding conflict, or revealing ones true motives. The subcategories we

found related to this overarching theme werePositive Over-Praise,Disappointing Intimates, and

Empathetic Embarrassment.

Positive Over-Praise, or embarrassment caused by overt positive attention and praise,

was demonstrated in the case of the respondent who declared, I can remember getting the

highest test score in the class in third grade. I got kudos from the teacher but got made fun of

later for it. Highly embarrassing. Although praise is usually considered a good thing, the subject

became embarrassed in this situation because he or she did not want to be regarded as an

overachiever. In this way,Positive Over-Praiseis often related toBeing Different.

Disappointing Intimatesdescribes embarrassment that stems from a failure to meet the

expectations of those close to you whom you highly respect. This is seen in many of the

responses where parents are the audience, namely; My parents misunderstood a 'tail' I had

created for myself, because I was showing it to them by pulling it to the front between my legs.

Clearly they thought it was a penis, and were disapproving(because they went on their way


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 12after saying 'we dont do things like that.) The parents in this situation directly showed

disappointment at the transgressor in order to discourage further misbehavior.

Lastly,Empathetic Embarrassmentis essentially feeling embarrassed for another person as

a result of a transgression they have committed. This can be seen in the example from one

respondent who stated "I had said something the other person was offended by and it was

embarrassing because I felt bad and didn't mean for it to be." In this case, we infer that most of

the respondents embarrassment stemmed from empathizing with the offended parties ' feelings.

Because embarrassment is a social emotion, almost all types of embarrassment require a sense of

empathy. In this sense, whether you're embarrassed about something that you do or something

someone else does, you need to feel your audience's scorn or the transgressor's embarrassment in

order for you to feel embarrassment.

Center of Attention:

Millers (1996) final theme, Center of Attention, is defined by drawing unwanted

attention to the self not necessarily pertaining negative consideration (p. 113). Embarrassment

related to being the center of attention usually results from a certain social phobia or anxiety.

Miller (1996) provides a coherent explanation: In generalprototypical embarrassment occurs

when surprising, unanticipated events increase the threat of unwanted social evaluations from

real or imagined audiences, and these are events that threaten the need to belong (p. 113). Based

on trends in our data, we found two main subcategories related to this theme-Exposure of Self

and Subject of Ridicule.

Exposure of Selfoccurs when ones positive or negative personal traits are exposed and

become the subject of an audience's scrutiny. Such was evident when a respondent stated, My

mom sharing embarrassing storys of me sleep walking to family friends. I felt belittled by her


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 13and became embarrassed. Although the subject says the embarrassment came directly from

Mom's subjective treatment of him/her, we can at least infer that he/she is also embarrassed

because he/she wanted to keep such information confidential. The other type of Center of

Attention, which is becoming the Subject of Ridicule, is essentially a painful, negative evaluation

from others that results in a loss of esteem of both the self and from others, such as the

respondent who related this experience,

"Found out that my sisters were half-sisters, and realized my whole family knew

except for me (I was 12). I was embarrassed because I didnt know this hugefamily issue that everyone else seemed to know and everyone made fun of me

because I hadnt realized mom had been married before (how did I not know

this?).

Because the subject was "made fun of" by everyone, this response qualifies as Subject of

Ridicule.

Overall Trends:

We had previously hypothesized that individuals have learned embarrassment mainly

from their parents, family and peers, through the process of socialization. Based on our findings,

this prediction was confirmed. As we coded each response, with regards to the audience or

individual who played a role in the participants embarrassing stories, we found an overall trend

that suggests that peers, authority figures and parents (respectively from greatest to least) impact

the experience of embarrassment more so than strangers and extended family members. In our

results, each of these audiences played a unique role in either directly teaching what should

constitute embarrassment, or reinforcing already internalized notions of embarrassment.

The tables below display the relative percentage of responses that referenced each subcategory;

note that they do not add up to 100% because none of the categories are mutually exclusive:


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The Role of Parents and Authority Figures in the Socialization and Development of

Embarrassment:

Before children are old enough to enter grade school, they spend the majority of their

time with their parents and other authority figures. It is during this time that the initial instillation

of social norms occurs, as parents attempt to socialize their children and instill particular values.

Fredrickson (1998) asserts that children mainly learn social norms from their parents in three

main ways: "1. parental reactions to children's emotions, 2. parental discussion of emotion, and

3. parental expression of emotion" (p. 280). Our data suggests that these ways of learning are

highly relevant to the acquisition of embarrassment. For example, one respondents parental

reactions to a child's upset and confusion plays a role in a deep-rooted experience of

embarrassment for that child:

Audience: Percent of

Responses(%):

Peers 59.8

Authority Figures 24.1

Parents 18.4

Strangers 9.2

Family 6.9

No Audience Found 6.9

Category: Percent ofResponses

(%):

Exposure of Self 54Subject of

Ridicule

36.8

Etiquette Violation 29.9

Loss of Control 27.6Being Different 24.1

Lack of

Knowledge

19.5

Performance Error 18.4

Disappointing

Intimates

16.1

Empathetic

Embarrassment

5.7

Positive Over-

Praise

3.4


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 15"I came to my mom while she was hostessing a dinner party for a number of

couples, with my great distress that the female cat was bleeding from its bottom.

My mom was unaccountably angry at me and wanted me not to talk about it.Nobody helped the cat, who I thought was dying. They talked about whether it

was normal for girl cats as it was normal for girls, but I knew I didn't bleed from

my bottom, so I was very confused and upset. I was embarrassed because peoplewere not talking directly to me and I got the message that it was not OK, butdidn't know why it wasn't OK. They avoided me."

In this example, the parent's response of complete disregard and "unaccountable anger" towards

their child's distress serves to instill social norms surrounding the discussion of taboo subjects.

Instead of directly responding to the child's confusion, the parent ignored the child's perplexity-

solidifying the belief that "it was not OK" to discuss that particular subject.

In a similar vein, another respondents story illustrates how a parent's secretive practices

regarding pornography and the discussion of sex influences their child's reluctance to talk about

these issues:

"When I was eight or so, I found a porn magazine in an old suitcase my dad hadloaned me. I had no idea what porn was or what it was used for, but I was

embarrassed to be found having it, so I hid it in such a way that my dad found it

without realizing I had seen it. I guess I knew it had to do with sex, and I knew

my dad didn't like to discuss it with me"

This example shows how parental expression of emotion, in this case the expression of secrecy

and shame, can influence a child's understanding of social norms. The parent's modeling of

secrecy and shame serves to solidify the impression that pornography and sex are taboo subjects,

meant to be kept behind closed doors and not discussed. Therefore the child's embarrassment

may stem from the breaching of these perceived taboos.

An example of parental discussion of emotion in relation to socialization can similarly be

seen in a response where a participant describes an early memory in which they ate a cookie of

unknown origin they found in their house. Subsequently, their mother calls Poison Control,

believing that their child may have consumed more than just a cookie. The participant states, "I

just remember after the man left sitting on the couch watching tv with my mom and brother and


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 16sister feeling really embarrassed and like I was a bad person, and my mom gave me a lecture

about not eating things if I didn't know where they came from. 'You really scared us." It can be

seen that the parent's lecturing about not eating things one finds in random places, and the

subsequent discussion about not inducing fear in one's parents potentially served to socialize the

notions of abiding by parental rule and in a sense kneeling to authority figures. In past research

on embarrassment it was found that children will accept their parent's standards because they

receive positive feedback for doing so and furthermore, parentally induced guilt and

embarrassment are positively correlated to a close relationship between parents and children

(Feldman & Barrett, 2005).

Etiquette Violations: How Improper!

One overarching theme we saw in the data was the prevalence of etiquette violations

inducing embarrassment. Our data shows that 29.9% of participants experienced embarrassment

as a result of breaking either an implicit or explicit rule or social standard. In another response, it

can be seen how the instillation of a particular decorum by one's parents can invoke

embarrassment if breached:

"I remember when I was about 5 years old, I told my uncle that I thought he

needed a haircut, and he told me that he had just gotten one. I'm sure he wasn'tthat upset about it, but at the time I felt like he was really offended/insulted. I was

embarrassed because my parents had done a great job of teaching me to be polite,

and I felt like I was letting them down."

In this response the childs embarrassment stems from the notion that they have disappointed

their parents through the accidental insult of their uncle. In this way, an etiquette violationleads

to the childs fear that they are letting their parents down, which is a form of disappointing

intimates. Perhaps the prevalence of etiquette violationsstems from the fact that childrens


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 17breaches of social norms most often result in punishment and reprimand- especially as parents

and other authority figures work to solidify particular rules for behavior and action.

Exposure of Self: Caught With Your Pants Down

We found that 54% of participants reported embarrassment as a result of exposure of self,

which is greater than any other sub-category. This data is unsurprising, as most people hold their

bodies and personal thoughts sacred, and revealing them makes them vulnerable. In one

response, we see how revealing our bodies and our ability to control ourselves is a cause for

embarrassment: "Embarrassed about other kids at school watching me go to the bathroom,

embarrassed because of embarrassment about body, amount of food I ate." From this example

and the data, we inferred that early socialization from parents about rules regarding one's body

and bodily processes, such as remaining in privacy behind closed doors, are reinforced and

brought forward when a child leaves the family unit- thereby stepping into spaces comprised of

one's peers and larger audiences. As the child steps into the arena of the cruel perceptions of their

peers in preschool and elementary school, in concurrence with observing imposing body image

visuals on television and in other forms of media, they become more self-conscious in regards to

their own outward image, especially in vulnerable positions such as when defecating in the

latrine.

The Role of Peers in Childrens Experiences of Embarrassment:

As children age they move into such public arenas as daycare, pre-school and elementary

school- environments in which they are constantly surrounded by their peers. In our data we

found that 59.8% of the participants' responses identified peers as playing a role in the

reinforcement and onset of their embarrassment. We found this data unsurprising, as spaces such


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 18as pre-school and elementary school provide a critical and invariable audience in regards to one's

behaviors, thoughts and abilities which enable one to be the victim of public scrutiny and close

inspection. Kids enter these environments with some kind of understanding of what is okay and

what isn't because of what their parents have taught them. However, because every child has

their own idea of acceptable social behaviors prior to being exposed to other kids their age, it

takes time to develop a well-rounded understanding of the rights and wrongs according to all the

kids.

Subject of Ridicule: No Laughing Matter

Nearly 37% of participants felt as though they were the subjects of ridicule in their

embarrassing recollections. For example, one respondent told a story of being publicly

humiliated in front of their entire fifth grade class. Each student was given the opportunity to go

to the front of the class and get a piece of candy as a prize. This particular student had finally

reached the front of the line and a fellow classmate that was holding the bucket closed it and

turned away from the subject. The respondent wrote that he/she was "too shy to tap him on the

should[er] and speak out" so he/she didn't end up getting a jolly rancher. "I went and sat back

down, not getting one, and everyone knew I was too much of a wuss to stand up for myself when

someone was disrespecting me in front of everyone. Because the child is the target of negative

evaluation and shunning of the group, he/she feels embarrassed; this response is also an example

of aperformance errorbecause he/she fails to stand up for myself and indicates

embarrassment about it, as well as exposure of the self, because she or he is worried that his or

her peers will label him or her a wuss.

Being Different: You Weirdo!


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 19Being different is a common theme of embarrassment in 24.1% of our responses,

especially when peers are the audience and school is the setting. This form of embarrassment

stems from a deep-seated fear of not fitting in and a resulting rejection (Miller, 2004, p. 94.) One

response provides an excellent example of this aspect of embarrassment:

I remember an experience in the fifth grade when we all were playing a rigorous

game outdoors and I complained about not being able to keep up. The otherstudents teased me about it. I cant fully explain why it was embarrassing. I

suppose because I felt inadequate and therefore different than everyone else.

Because the child feels that he/she literally cannot keep up with the other children in the

group, he/she feels inadequate and left out which is reflective of aperformance erroras

well as exposure of the selfbecause the subject is anxious that he/she is being revealed

as someone who is lazy or out of shape which in turn results into being thesubject of

ridiculedue to the other students teasing.

Conclusion:

Our findings suggest that embarrassment is socialized in our subjects in varied and

overlapping ways. Based on trends in the data, we determined that embarrassment is learned and

reinforced in ones early life namely by ones peers,parents and other authority figures. Perhaps

these audiences are so salient to ones experiences of embarrassment because social norm

breaches and unwanted exposure that occurs in the midst of these highly regarded groups are

intimately revealing. Alternatively, had these embarrassing transgressions happened in the midst

of a stranger the social repercussions would not be near as dire.

Discussion:

The results of our study, though yielding very useful information, did not completely

answer our research question, How is embarrassment learned?Our survey results seemed to


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 20more so convey data regarding how embarrassment is reinforced, as well as by whom. While the

reinforcement of embarrassment does indeed contribute to ones overall experience and

perceptions of what elicits embarrassment and to what extent, we hoped to gain more

information regarding how individuals learn and come to the realization that a particular event or

situation should induce embarrassment.

Although most of the respondents did not specify whether or not their response was in

fact an initial learning experience of embarrassment or a reinforcement of previously learned

embarrassment, we were able to infer from the data which responses addressed each situation.

However, there were particular responses that did specifically address an initial learning

experience. In these instances the respondent illustrated an experience in which they had

understood that a particular action should constitute embarrassment. This can be seen in the case

of one respondent who stated, I was hungry and was begging food from neighbors. Onewoman

shamed me for doing so.This clearly shows the origin of the respondents embarrassment.

Conversely, in responses like, I tripped in kindergarten, busted up my knee prettybad. It was

embarrassing because I always wore dresses and the boys teased me and called me a clutz, we

inferred that a previously learned embarrassment (exposure of ones body and loss of bodily

control) was reinforced in the respondents experience.

Therefore we believe that the wording of our survey question could be cause for the

prevalence of examples of reinforced embarrassment, instead of instances in which one learned

an embarrassment. Our survey question, Describe an early memory in which you were

embarrassed, and explain why that experience was embarrassing,could have been made more

specific. Instead we could have asked how the embarrassment from that early memory was

specifically learned. We hypothesize that the question, Describe an early memory in which you


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 21were embarrassed, and describe how you think you learned that particular embarrassment, could

potentially elicit results that would more wholly answer our research question.

Additionally, in our survey we only asked one question. Were we to complete the same

study again, the inclusion of multiple survey questions could perhaps evoke more explicit

responses regarding our research question; For instance questions such as, How did your

parents specifically teach you what situations, experiences or actions should constitute

embarrassment?In a similar sense, if the survey questions had been randomized instead of in a

fixed order for every participant, the results could have been different. Certainly, there are many

changes we could make in order to produce results that are more relevant to our research

question.

Another limitation to this study that we believe effected our data was our sample

population. As was previously mentioned, our online survey was made available for those 18

years of age or older on Craigslist, through e-mail listservs, and on the social networking site

Facebook. As a result, we assume that many older adults dont remember such an early instance

where they learned that something they did was embarrassing. Therefore, for future research we

would limit our sample to those individuals in early elementary school in hopes of capturing

more early memories of learned embarrassment.

Garnering data regarding young individuals initial experiences of embarrassment would

be an interesting and informative undertaking. Although younger individuals may not possess a

complete linguistic understanding of embarrassment, it is likely that they experience

embarrassment in their young lives frequently. Furthermore, it would be interesting to examine

the dynamic nature of embarrassment. As one ages their perceptions and experiences of

embarrassment change and shift. A future area for research could be a longitudinal study


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The Acquisition of Embarrassment 22involving individuals experiences and perceptions of embarrassment,traced from childhood,

through adolescence, up to adulthood.

CONCLUSION:

Overall, this study has provided us with valuable information regarding how

embarrassment is learned and reinforced. As stated in prior research, embarrassment first begins

its development in an individuals infanthood, progressing and emerging more so as one

develops self-consciousness and a linguistic understanding of the emotion. It is clear that those

that surround an individual in their early life have a great impact on one's own understanding and

experiences of embarrassment. In accordance with past research, we found that one's parents,

teachers, peers and other authority figures are statistically the primary teachers, reinforcers, and

audience members that lead one to experience the emotion of embarrassment.

Embarrassment serves many important social functions. When one breaches a social

norm such as accidentally insulting another, embarrassment assists in smoothing over the

transgression. Laughter, blushing and gaze aversion seem to say, "I'm genuinely sorry for what

I've done." Where would the human race be without the emotion of embarrassment? What would

society look like if individuals never learned embarrassment?


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