tenerife weekly issue 23

Weekly TENERIFE’S LOCAL FREE WEEKLY NEWSPAPER 16th March - 22nd March 2012 Issue 23

Tenerife

The Canaries BIGGEST British Radio StationCoast FM106.6 Tenerife South, Gran Canaria, La Gomera, El Hierro, La Palma

97.3 Tenerife North, La Palma, 103.7 Tenerife West, El Hierro

Another General Strike AnnouncedSpain´S largest trade union, The Confederación Sindical de Comi-siones Obrera (CCOO) and the Unión General de Trabajadores (UGT), have unanimously approved the call for a general strike in Spain. The date of the protest (against la-bour reforms) has been set, according to sources of both unions, as Thursday 29th March. The date chosen coincides with the general strike called by nation-alist unions in the Basque country and Navarra against the labour reforms and it is also the day prior to the submission of the State Budget for 2012. The general secretaries of the CCOO and UGT, Ignacio Fernández Toxo and Cándido Méndez, appeared in a press conference at 13:15 on Thursday (15th March) to report the reasons that led them to decide to strike. Unions consider the labour reforms approved by the Partido Popular (PP) government unilaterally as “the most regressive” for the rights of workers and since its launch have been car-rying out demonstrations, rallies and other protests in the streets of Spain. Although calling a general strike at any time was dismissed, the intention has always been to stop the reform before having to make the decision. This will be the sixth 24-hour general strike in the history of Spain and the second which is called under a PP gov-ernment. The first three strikes in Spain took place during the government of Felipe González. The first and second occurred in 1988 and the third in 1994.

Continued on page 3

Rock Coast LineUpSanta Cruz will be hosting the Rock Coast Festival 2012 between Thursday 24th to Saturday 26th May. The line-up will include:Evanescence, Iggy Pop, The Stooges, Marilyn Manson,

Fatboy Slim, Orbital, The Smashing Pumpkins, Tide, New Order and This Drama.

We’ll keep you informed as new acts are announced.

Page 43

CaldersConfessions

Sharples In SessionPage 37

Tenerife Weekly - 16th March - 22nd March 2012

Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday16th March 17th March 18th March 19 th March 20th March 21st March 22nd March(Viernes) (Sábado) (Domingo) (Lunes) (Martes) (Miércoles) (Jueves)

Day Day Day Day Day Day Day

Clouds and sun Mostly cloudy Partly sunny Partly sunny Sunny Sunny Sunny

High Temperature: 21oC High Temperature: 21oC High Temperature: 21oC High Temperature: 20oC High Temperature: 20oC High Temperature: 22oC High Temperature: 26oCReal Feel: 22oC Real Feel: 21oC Real Feel: 20oC Real Feel: 19oC Real Feel: 19oC Real Feel: 21oC Real Feel: 27oC

Night Night Night Night Night Night Night

Partly to mostly cloudy Partly to mostly cloudy Mostly cloudy Clear Clear Partly cloudy Mostly cloudy

Low Temperature: 18oC Low Temperature: 17oC Low Temperature: 16oC Low Temperature: 15oC Low Temperature: 17oC Low Temperature: 20oC Low Temperature: 19oCReal Feel: 15oC Real Feel: 14oC Real Feel: 13oC Real Feel: 12oC Real Feel: 14oC Real Feel: 16oC Real Feel: 17oC

Editor in Chief

Leah Farrell Editor

Colin Taylor

Production

Stephen Eade

Contributors

Carlos Hernández Ken CummingJohn Hatrick Liana Mẽ aly ahDave Michaels Pete Quilty Emma Swain Phil WestJanet Anscombe Ray WildeKaren Clack Steph TufftJohn Sharples Karoline Shovlar

Tenerife WeeklyOffice hours: Phone:

Mon - Fri 922 790 38809:00 - 17:00

EditorialCONTENTS 3 LOCAL

NEWS

11 BUSINESSNEWS

12 WORLDNEWS

14 IRISH NEWS

16 NATIONALNEWS

19 TVGUIDE

34 TIMEOUT

35 SHOWBIZ

36 OUT ONTHE TOWN

37 SHARPLESIN SESSION

39 COMMUNITY

40 HEALTH, BEAUTY & FASHION

42 WHO RATTLEDYOUR CAGE?

43 CALDERSCONFESSIONS

44 PHYCHE /HOROSCOPES

45 PETS’PAGE

47 GARDENING /LOCAL INFO

48 FOOD

49 TECHNOPHILE

50 CLASSIFIEDSECTION

52MOTORING / DIY

54 SPORT

ediTOrial & leGal2Hello again, readers.Welcome to our new 56-page “phatter“ edition of The Tenerife Weekly. We’ve expanded the TV pull-out section to a whopping 20 pages! I’d also like to introduce our newest columnist, John Sharples. He’ll be giving you his unique views on everything Tenerfeño with just a dash of vinegar! On to the news. So, we have yet another general strike looming over the horizon (front page.) Although it brings bile to my throat, I have to say that Maggie Thatcher new how to deal with the unions. I remember the rolling blackouts of the late 70s /early 80s in the UK: unions complaining about short working weeks, etc. At the time it was a necessary evil, as is the situation in Spain at the moment. Here, in Spain, we are lagging seriously behind some of our bigger brothers in the EU and the government needs to tighten its belt in many areas. It’s unfortunate that worker reforms are to be targeted, but, as everyone knows; it’s always the people on the ground who feel the pinch first. Are you taking part in the Las Galletas Marathon this year (page 5)? My smoking, drinking (in moderation) and sedentary lifestyle preclude me from

taking part, but I’ll be there to cheer all you brave souls on. The event is held on April Fools’ Day. Prophetic. To all you sponsored runners out there: let us know how much you manage to raise and for which charities. We’ll give you a roll of honour in our pages. Send details to [email protected]. Two out of three neighbours in Spain have strained relationships (page 16.) This subject is close to my heart, well home: one of my neighbours is having problems with another neighbour’s dog. Constant barking, day and night, etc. When people who wouldn’t normally socialise together get thrust into a situation where they live shoulder to shoulder, there’s going to be problems. That’s human nature. The Cirque du Soleil is visiting our fair island, albeit not until next year. According to my collegue, Steve, this is an event that you don’t want to miss. He saw the act in Las Vagas (the one in the US, not Granadilla!) In his words it was, “The most amazing show I’ve ever seen!” Praise indeed. Personally, I’ve never seen it, but I’m always willing to broaden my horizons, so I’m going to give it a go.Until next week, happy reading!

Colin Taylor.

While The Tenerife Weekly makes every realistic effort to inspect the contents of all of our advertising, it cannot be held responsible for any assertions or declarations they may make. The opinion of the owners or staff of Tenerife Weekly is not necessarily mirrored in the opinions or assertions made by any of our contributors.

The material contained within Tenerife Weekly may not to be reproduced unless permission has been received from the Editor.

Disclaimer

While we strive to bring you a quality newspaper Tenerife Weekly cannot be held responsible for the print quality of this publication. The responsibility for print quality lies directly with our print-ers (TF Print, SL.)Please be aware that advertising in The Tenerife Weekly will require you to sign a declaration agreeing to this disclaimer.

Deposito Legal: TF 558/2011

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Tenerife Sur Lions are raising the standard for the

“quality of presenta-tion” of merchandise in their Charity shops. Already frequently re-ferred to as the “Little Harrods” of charity shops by many their customers, they are seeking to im-prove upon the current standing. The Lions are acutely aware of the generosity of those who donate to them and equally they are also aware of the need to reflect that generosity in the way those donations are presented in their shops. In order to do this they have a team of dedicated volunteers who prepare the goods for sale in the shops. Clothing for example is sorted into men’s, wom-en’s or children’s wear, re-laundered when needed, steamed or ironed if re-quired before being indi-vidually priced and sized and hung on dress rails to display them at their best

At the Cristianos shop books are now sorted into alpha-

betical order by author and displayed on shelves in an area aptly named “the book shop”. Other areas are being re-viewed for improvements so as to continue to raise the standard the Lions present and enhance their ethos “We Serve”. The shops rely entirely

on the donations they re-ceive to be able to contin-ue their work in support-ing and helping people in the local community and further afield. Locally the Tenerife Sur Lions have provided assistance to or-phanages, provided holi-days for disadvantaged and physically challenged children, and supported health awareness and community projects. They have also, through the Li-ons International Organi-sation participated in the “Recycle for Sight” project and supported many oth-ers. Giving to the shops could not be easier, simply take whatever items you no-longer need or want to either of the two shops during their opening hours where someone will be happy to receive them and take the opportunity to thank you personally. The Costa Silencio shop is open daily from 11.00 am to 2.00 pm except Saturdays & Sundays and is situated below the Las Gaviotas building (across the road from Coral Mar square) at the end of the car park. The Los Cristianos shop is

open daily from 11.00 am to 3.00 pm except Sun-days and is situated on the 1st floor (bus station end) of the Apolo Centre with a convenient lift directly behind the stairway that opens by the shop.

Alternatively you can take items to one of their drop-off

points which are situated at the following locations.In Callao Salvaje Calle el Callao no. 11, “Villa Harley” Callao Salvaje. Contact: Ken on 670 647 765In Playa de Las AmericasGalaxy (shop) c.c. Parque Santiago - 3 Local 78a.Contact: Prakash on 922 750 766 between 10.30am-2.30pmIn Los AbrigosLos Abrigos Properties Calle La Marina 7 - in main square opp. Church & next to Mirador Restaurant. Contact: David on 922 170021 between 9.30am-

6pm Monday - Friday.For further information contact Ken Sadler (Shops Co-ordinator) on 670 647 765.For information about Tenerife Sur Lions go to their website www.ten-erifesurlions.org or for a global view of the Lions go to www.lionsclubs.org

Tenerife Sur LionsRaising the Standard

Primal Fathers’ Day Lessons

SPAin, and indeed the Canary islands, differs from most of the world in when they celebrate Fathers’ Day. in the UK (and most of the world) it’s celebrated on the 3rd Sunday in June, but here in the Canaries we observe the day on 19th March.The team at Jungle Park, Arona, are promoting Fathers’ Day with a very special primate – Tinerfe, the white-handed gibbon who lives at the attraction.White-handed gibbons live in a monogamous relationship with their partner and stay together for life. Unfortunately, Tinerfe’s partner died in 2001, eight months after giving birth, leaving Tinerfe to gring up his

baby daughter single-handedly. 11 years later and they are still a strong family unit. Jungle Park prides itself on the conditions in which it keeps its residents, with a commitment to giving the animals as close a natural habitat as is possible.

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Continued from page 19-Night FLAVOURS OF ASIA CRUISE, From Tokyo

FROM €1126 per person.Tokyo – South Korea – Vladivostok (Russia) – Sapporo (Japan) Kushira (Japan) – Tokyo.

Price is per person for the 13th of September Sail – includes Cruise on a Full Board Basis based on 2 people sharing an inside Cabin. Prices are subject to availability and change. Tips to be paid onboard. Does not include Flights to Japan.

The travel company helping you enjoy more for less !

7-Night CARIBBEAN CRUISE From Fort Lauderdale (Florida)

FROM €664 per person.Fort Lauderdale – Labadee (Haiti) – Jamaica – Cozumel (Mexico) – Fort Lauderdale.

Price is per person for the 01st of September 2012 Sail – includes Cruise on a Full Board Basis based on 2 people sharing an inside Cabin. Prices are subject to availability and change. Tips to be paid onboard. Does not include Flights to Florida.

7-Night WESTERN MED CRUISE, From Barcelona

FROM €599 per person.Barcelona – Naples – Rome – Florence – Cannes – Marseille Barcelona.

Price is per person for the 06th of May Sail – includes Cruise on a Full Board Basis based on 2 people sharing an inside Cabin. Prices are subject to availability and change. Tips to be paid onboard. Does not include Flights to Barcelona.

Tel : +34 922 751867 EXT1 E-mail : [email protected]

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In 2002, under the govern-ment of José María Aznar, CC.OO. and UGT led a gen-eral str ike cal led to protest the measures to reform the unemployment protec-t ion and Basic Employment Law. The fourth str ike in a socia l ist government was held on September 29, 2010, under the watch of José Luis Rodríguez Zapa-

tero. In addit ion to these str ikes, in 1978 and 1992 there were two general str ikes of an hour and half per day. In 1978 the unions took to the streets moti-vated by a European cal l , whi le in 1992 it was due to the cuts in unemployment benefits proposed by Fe-l ipe González which caused the str ike.


Bathers on Troya beach, were sur-prised on Wednesday (14th March) by the chance find of a grenade in the sea. The police were alerted and responded with an emergen-cy callout to the area, the oldest beach in Costa Adeje.The Underwater Civil Guard (GEAS) man-aged to remove the device and take it away for analysis. The coastal area was cordoned off while the operation was in progress. The drama occurred at about six o’clock in the afternoon. No one was harmed during the operation.The findings will be analysed by experts to determine their origin and other data.

THe Foreign & Com-monwealth Office is encouraging Brit-ish nationals to con-sider a career work-ing in the european Union.

Working for the EU institutions can be one of the most satisfying and rewarding careers in Europe. This is not a single career. It is a lifetime of different, challenging and rewarding jobs. There are a wide variety of roles available to you as an EU civil servant: one year you could be drafting EU policy; the next you could be working on free trade agreements with emerging economies. The UK is currently under-represented in

the EU institutions; we represent 12% of the EU population yet only 4.8% of staff working for the institutions are British. The UK needs to be equally represented in the institutions so that British culture, atti-tudes, laws and ways of thinking are consid-ered throughout the organisation.Foreign Secretary, William Hague said: “The EU plays a very important part in the lives of the people of the United Kingdom, and in the fortunes of the UK in the world. The EU needs talented individuals to work in its institutions, to make the right decisions, to work efficiently and effectively. It would be a good thing for Britain for people who know this country, who understand this coun-

try, to be working in the EU’s institutions.” The application window to apply for a ca-reer in the EU Civil Service opens on 15 March and will close on 15 April 2012. For further information visit the EU Careers website.Benefits of a career in the EU can include:A lifetime of different jobs Excellent training and development oppor-tunities A competitive remuneration package Final salary pension scheme As a British citizen, to apply you will need to be a graduate in any field as long as you have an honours degree of at least three years in length.

If your main language is English you will need to speak either French or German as a 2nd language. However, if you are highly fluent in another official EU language, e.g. Spanish, you could choose this as your first language and English as your second. This year the EU is recruiting a number of generalist policy officials at graduate entry level (AD05) and graduates with 6-7 years work experience (AD07). It is also recruiting a number of specialists in the following areas; Law, Auditing, Com-munications and International Relations. Candidates will need to have a relevant de-gree or skill-set to be considered for these roles.

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Ever thought of working for the EU?

Grenade Found on Adeje Beach

Consumer Price Index For Alcohol and Tobacco

Increases by 0.3%THe Consumer Price in-dex (CPi) rose 0.3 per cent in February in the Canary islands, two points more than aver-age, driven by the rise in alcohol and tobacco prices, which is more expensive by 4.4 per cent than January, nine times more than in the rest of Spain (0.5%). In the data, released on Wednesday (14th March) by the National Statistics Institute (INE), the autono-mous regions of the Ca-naries showed they have the highest cost of living in Spain, but remain the sec-ond lowest in inflation, with a rate 1.5 per cent, only just behind the Balearics (1.4%). Besides alcohol and to-bacco, last month saw raised prices in the archi-pelago in transport (0.8%), leisure and culture (0.5%), hospitality and food (0.3%

in both cases), the servic-es grouped under “other” (0.2%) and housing, medi-cine and communications (0.1%). Alcoholic beverages, to-bacco products and trans-port, have become more expensive since January by 4.8 and 1.9 per cent re-spectively. Compared with February 2011, the most inflation-ary of the Islands’ economy is transportation, up 6.0 per cent year on, the alco-hol and tobacco, with 4.6; education, with a 2.0, and food, with a 1.7. However, today there are four sectors in the islands whose prices are lower than a year ago: medicine, which has reduced by 4.0 per cent; communications, which are down 3.5, cloth-ing and footwear, accumu-lating a fall of 1.0, and rec-reation and culture, which fell by 0.5.

March 11, 2012, Sunday was indeed a very colourful event as a multitude of crowd were present at the PLAZA DE FAÑABÉ, just behind Hiperdino to celebrate the Hindu fes-tival HOLI, it was really a sight to witness , as we got a good glimpse of typical Indian hospitality and warmth, with the way they receive and welcome you, whether you are an Indian or not. The typical Indian cuisine was really mouth-watering and really livened up our taste buds. The mischie-vous practice of throwing colour and water on anybody and everybody or simply being a party animal without any inhibitions.

We had fun, frolic and lots of music to top up all the excite-ment, we also got the opportunity to dance to our hearts content to the rhythm of lively Indian music- with the con-tinuous flow of water, giving one the feeling of actually dancing in the rain. The Indian community celebrates Holi every year and they would be very happy to have anybody who wants to join and be part of the celebration, so if you want to be part of this wonderful and colourful festival, keep looking forward for next year and join- we shall keep you posted as to when and where shall it happen, and will be very delighted to have you join.

Hindus around the world-from South East Asia to Europe and beyond - observe many colourful holidays throughout the year.Hinduism is the world´s third largest religion, the majority of it´s one billion adherents are concentrated in India, but sizable communities exist all over the world- and one of this large ma-jority group are the Sindhis- a large socio-ethnic group who have migrat-ed in fragments to every part of the world- this group is known to be cul-ture loving and very Nationalistic ,so they make sure that whether they are

elsewhere their traditions are carried out and continued by their Children. This is the main reason why the Sindhi people celebrate all their festivals with the same glamour and enthusiasm here outside their hometown as they would in their own natal town.The forthcoming Cheti Chand on the 24th of March is one of the most im-portant festival of the Sindhis- as this is also popularly known as the New Year´s day of the Sindhis.This felicitous antecedent is celebrat-ed by all Sindhis worldwide on the sec-ond day of the chaitra month, which is

known as Chet, hence the name Chet-i-Chand. It is also celebrated in adora-tion and reverence to mark the birth-day if the Sindhi God- Jhulelal- who is reckoned to be the reincarnation of Lord Varuna, the God of water, which is the elixir of life. This is usually a one day cel-ebration, thus it is celebrated very lav-ishly in the spirit of thanksgiving, and brotherhood and a means of seeking salvation from the Lord Jhulelal, the water deity.

Jyoti Prakash Udhwani

TENERIFE SOUTH GOES “COLOURFUL”

CULTURAL VALUE AND PATRIOTISM


THe Fuerteventura Wave Classic 2012 is preparing to attack the best spots in the island. The fourth edition of the windsurf-ing contest will get under-way between 17th - 23rd March. The competition promises four teams, each consisting of three men and one woman, competing against each other in the best possible conditions. The teams will judge them-selves and will also choose the winning team. The organisation has already announced the names that will be wave sailing at the Fuerteventura Wave Classic 2012. Dario Ojeda, Iballa Ruano Moreno, Tom Hartmann and Andrew Fawcett are only a few names of the overall 16 windsurfers in competition. “Forecast is already looking promising. The Red Bull jet ski is in the harbour waiting, the Fuerteventura wave classic t-shirt is in the shops and riders

start arriving in a couple of days to Fuerte, so keep your eyes on the websites to fol-low the event and if you hap-pen to be on the island come and see us to the beach”, says Orlando Lavandera, the event manager. The Fuerteventura Wave Classic 2012 will keep its mo-bile structure to be ready to hit different spots, which are all lined up along the north and northeast of Fuerteventura. Every morning, after a spot-check, riders will decide on the best option for contest and, depending on the conditions, will meet there.

Fuerteventura Wave Classic returns

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The Fuerteventura Wave Classic 2012 Entry List:

Dario Ojeda Spain

Andrew Fawcett United Kingdom

Francisco Casas Garcia Spain

Federico Infantino Italy

Justin Denel France

Jules Denel France

Tom Hartmann Austria

Yannick Anton Local

Will Ward Local

Stepane Etienne Local

Shannon Bohny Local

Albert Ferroni Local

Iballa Ruano Moreno Spain

Amanda Beenen Netherlands

Fanny Aubet France

Nicole Boronat Local

16th AnnualLas Galletas

Half Marathon

AROnA Ayuntamiento, sponsored by the Tener-ife Cabildo, has opened registration for partici-pation in the annual Las Galletas Half Marathon.The 16th run will be on 1st April starting at 9am, and those who want to take part can now sign up, providing only that they’re over 18 and in good health.Places are limited to 800 runners, and registration is open until 26th March via the official website (www.

mediomaratonlasga l le-tas.com), or in the Com-plejo Polideportivo ‘Jesús Domínguez El Grillo’ in Los Cristianos, Guzmán Sport in La Laguna, or Mundi Sport in Puerto de la Cruz. Reg-istration will cost 18, or 15 euros for affiliates.The course is a total of 21km 97.5m along the TF 6222, TF 6225 & TF 6221. There will also be a parallel run of 10.8km. All roads will be closed to traffic during the race. The categories are:Men: senior and veterans M35, M40, M45, M50, M55, M60 & M65.Women: senior and veter-ans F35, F40, F45, F50 & F55. Prizes will be awarded in strict order of finishing regardless of sex or cat-egory.For any further informa-tion, either see the official website, or call 010 within Arona, or 922 761 600 if outside the municipality.


THe Coral Bar & Restaurant is situ-ated on the left-hand corner of Coral Mar Square, Costa Del Si-

lencio; next door to Live Arico charity shop. The restaurant is owned by husband and wife team, Colin and Janette. Along with waitress, Cara, they prepare and cook food in-house; serving your meal and drinks at your table. On our visit Cara greeted us and showed us to our table on the terrace. The terrace is enclosed with blinds, which (including the patio heater) is great at this chilly time of year, whilst, during the summer months, it’s lovely to sit in the open air; on those balmy, warm evenings. Once seated Cara took our drinks order, whilst we surveyed the menus and read through the daily specials board. The range of starters included homemade soup of the day, deep fried garlic mush-rooms, grilled mushrooms filled with blue cheese, spicy chicken wings, paté and toast, prawn cocktail and garlic bread, and also the garlic bread with cheese and tomato. The main course menu had a wide range to choose from; including fillet steak, grilled chicken breast, braised pork chops, beer-battered fish, chicken curry, chilli con carne, lasagne and spaghetti bolognese. On the evening that we visited, the specials board included; beef stew and dumplings, salmon fillet with pesto and crème fraiche sauce, breaded fish coujons and chicken tagliatelle in a tomato and herb sauce. My wife decided on spicy chicken wings as her starter, whilst I plumped for home-made carrot and coriander soup. For our mains we ordered the chicken curry and the salmon fillet. We raised our glasses whilst looking for-ward to our meals. We had chosen a bot-tle of the house red, which was light and

fruity and very palatable. The restaurant had a very extensive range of draught and bottled lagers, John Smith’s, Guinness, soft drinks and a wine list including the Rabbit Falls range of American red, white and rosé wines.

First course arrived: my soup, served with fresh, crusty bread. It was pip-ing hot and the sweetness of the car-

rot mixed with the peppery fresh coriander was perfectly balanced. My wife’s chicken wings were lovely and crispy, with a Cajun spicy kick and served with a sweet chilli dip-ping sauce and salad garnish. Starters devoured; our main courses ar-rived: and the presentation is stunning to the eye. As you know: if your plate looks ap-

petising you enjoy the taste even more. My wife’s curry was served in a separate bowl in the centre of the plate with a portion of basmati rice and homemade chips in two corners of her plate, with a salad garnish and a cupped poppadum with a tomato, onion and cucumber salad served in the op-posite corner. Stunning!! My poached salmon fillet was accompa-nied with creamed potatoes, fresh vegeta-bles (carrots, peas, broccoli, red cabbage) and a creamy pesto sauce. All main meals are served with a choice of homemade chunky chips, creamed potatoes, sauté or Canarian potatoes, fresh vegetables or sal-ad. Garden or mushy peas are served with the battered fish.

My salmon was lovely and pink. It was really moist and fell apart smoothly when cut. Along with the potatoes and aldente vegetables; everything complimented each other. My wife’s curry was full of tender chicken breast, in a tangy sauce that was not over-hot, but very well spiced. Cara told us that the curry can be spiced up for those who like an extra kick, but the wife said it was spot on for her taste. Meals finished and thoroughly enjoyed, we were too full for desserts and settled for a couple of barraquito coffees to fin-ish off.

With plenty of desserts for those with a sweet tooth, including; chocolate fudge cake, Bailey’s

cheesecake, apple pie, bread and butter pudding, and many more. The restaurant is open seven days a week, Monday to Saturday, from 10am un-til 9:30pm.: serving breakfasts, sandwiches, baguettes, toasties, light snacks and lunch-es. There’s also the new addition of tortilla wraps with an extensive range of savoury and spicy fillings. Sundays, they open at midday, with a light meal menu and, of course, the very popular Sunday roast, with a choice of beef, lamb, pork and turkey (with all the trimmings.) It’s probably advisable to pre-book your table, as the locals flock here regularly. Colin and Janette also cater for party or business functions, and recently held a 50th anniversary party, which by all accounts, was an outstanding and special evening. Overall, a very pleasant night; mouth-watering food, attentive service and a bill that will not break the bank. We wish them all the best for the future and we will be returning for the breakfast to confirm it’s as good as the evening meals. I cannot wait!

Until next time, ¡buen provecho!Mitch elin.

THe mobilization, called by the Civic Forum in the Southwest, will be under the slogan “Public hospital now”. its route will depart from the Auditori-um infanta Leonor in Los Cristianos to reach the vicinity of the pier along the Avenida de Suecia. The Southwest Civic Forum says their mo-tivation for the protest is the “unjustifiable” delays in the construction of the public hos-pital in Mojón, Arona. The citizen group has called for Saturday, 21st April to be a “big event” that aims to bolster the efforts for completion and operation of the facility’s infrastructure. “The mobilization will begin at 16:00 hours and will cover different areas of Los Cris-tianos; departing from the Infanta Leonor Auditorium up to the end of the Avenida de Suecia, filling almost to the dock,” said the organisers on Wednesday, 14th March, dur-ing presentation of their planned protest.The protest group stated that, “We want this health resort now. The hospital com-

plex was planned in the late 70s, but we still don’t have the building.” “There have been many political promises made on the infrastructure, but all have been lies, and the managers of the various configurations that have passed through the regional government have never be-lieved in the hospital that was planned for the southern region,” said members of the Forum Civic Southwest. “As citizens, our rights to essential healthcare facilities that improve the quality of life are being de-nied,” they added. “Private healthcare has always been the priority, at the detriment of public services, and this concept has to change once and for all. We should not have to suffer dec-ades of delay.” In this sense, they understand that the demonstration “should reflect the feeling of the entire region. The involvement of citizens is essential, so we encourage the whole population to participate in the pro-test”

Demonstration Planned Against Delay forthe South Hospital

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Theme park and attrac-tion specialist Attrac-tion World has predicted half of all tickets could be redeemed by mo-bile devices within two years. The company is working with parks around the world to in-troduce ticketless entry to more excursions and attractions.Siam Park and Loro Parque in south Tenerife were among the first attractions to go live with ticketless entry via a barcode displayed on a

mobile phone three months ago. Attraction World sales and marketing director Tony Seaman said, “This is anoth-er step in the direction of a paperless world.“It’s better for the environ-ment, easier for customers as they don’t have to carry reams of paper on holiday with them and great for the attraction as they have quicker access to valuable customer data.”But he said, “The main chal-lenge to implementing this across the board is ensuring

supplier technology is suit-ably advanced to be able to accept non-printed tickets.”The potential already exists to offer in-resort sales as travel agents and tour op-erators improve their mid-travel communications with customers.Seaman added: “We think it’s highly achievable that 50% of all tickets should be redeemable via this method within two years. It’s the way the world is moving and the travel industry has to keep up.”

Half of theme park ticketspredicted to migrate to mobile

Coral Bar & Restaurant Costa del Silencio


We have now reached the stage where you have carried out all the preparatory research and you now have a good idea of the type of property you want to look for. There are literally thousands of properties for sale in the Canary Islands and it is easy to get side-tracked! Not least from some per-suasive sales people who don’t al-ways have your best interests at heart.

Choosing theEstate Agents

There are various ways of finding the estate agents you are going to use to find your dream home. You will usually locate these before you leave for Spain and they can be found:

1. At UK property exhibitions which are held at many locations throughout the country2. Through UK estate agents who may be associated to agents in Spain3. Through Internet search en-gines which will give you access to their websites4. Adverts in the press

Your choice of agent or agents is an important part of the buying pro-cess. Often there will be locals who will recommend particular agents to you. The staff should ideally be mature and bilingual, with a good knowledge of the local area. You should be wary of those agents who do not have their own offices and

work purely from a mobile phone! Some agents will tell you that in Tenerife it is not necessary to em-ploy a lawyer. Whether you follow this advice is up to you but consider whether you would do so in Eng-land. Consider the additional risks here where you have a legal system with which you are not accustomed, and a member of the agency deal-ing with the legal work cannot act truly independently. The agent will

more often than not prepare the contract – who will therefore inde-pendently look at the contract from your perspective? Caveat emptor – let the buyer beware! There are many decent and pro-fessional estate agencies, and con-versely there are unscrupulous ones that you should avoid! Ask any resident here and they will surely be able to tell you of agents who have disappeared with clients mon-

ey. A point to bear in mind is that the good ones profit from having a good reputation whilst the lesser ones have to attract clients by hav-ing a large marketing budget. It is not necessarily the agent with the flashiest advert that is the best! Some agents will advertise attrac-tive properties on their website at equally attractive prices to lure po-tential purchasers to them. Upon visiting, the clients will find that the

property has “just been sold” and will be offered something else in-stead. While this, of course, may be true, if the same applies to several properties, then alarm bells should sound. Agents will be more than pleased to show you a wide range of prop-erties, but it is important to remain focussed. Whilst not the case in the UK, in Tenerife it is not uncom-mon for the agent to agree a net sum back to the owner, rather than charge a fixed commission. This can mean that it is often more difficult to negotiate a reduction of the ask-ing price with the agent. Let us say, for example that the seller wants to receive in their pocket 200,000 eu-ros. The agent will add his commis-sion on top making the selling price 210,000. If the offer is for 205,000 euros, then if the agent has prom-ised to return 200,000 euros to the seller, the agent’s commission is re-duced to 5,000 euros. If, however, the agent had agreed a 5% commis-sion with the agent, the commission on a sale at 210,000 euros would be 10,500 euros, and on a sale at 205,000 euros it would be 10,250 euros – a drop in commission of only 250 euros. In the next article we will consider the points to look for when actually viewing resale properties You can contact Michael Rhodes on;Tel: 0034 922 796 744Web: www.tenerifelawyer.comEmail: [email protected]

BUYING PROPERTY IN SPAIN(Part Three) By Michael Rhodes

USefUl infOrMaTiOn 7


in reports reminiscent of this story from al-most exactly a year ago, national Police have confirmed that a local, walking their dog on Sunday found a body at the bottom of a barranco in the Añaza area of Santa Cruz, the area south of the city centre where Carrefour is situated. Even worse than the find itself is the fact that the body was burnt and dis-membered. The body appears to be that of a man aged be-tween 20 to 30, the Policía Nacional say. The head had been separated from the body, and the legs were found a short distance away. The man appears to have been tied up, with the

bindings still around the neck and legs. The arms are still to be found. Police say that locals reported smell-ing what they thought was a BBQ the night before the grisly find was made. The remains have been trans-ferred to the Instituto Anatómico Forense, where an attempt will be made to identify the body. Police say that the body was not cut up where it was found. The investiga-tion is considering various hypotheses, including that the man died while trans-porting drugs in his stom-ach, or was a victim of a settling of scores. In either of these scenarios, it is possible that the body was cut up to ease its trans-port to the place where it was dumped. What is concerning police

particularly, however, is the cable found on the poor man, which could suggest that he was still alive when tied up and subsequently killed. Clearly at least one of those who set his body on fire in the barranco knew the area well, and the burning suggests an obvi-ous attempt to do away with evidence. Forensic scientists are still carrying out minute tests on the body, including on the type of cuts made to dismember it. The results could suggest someone with medical or butchery knowledge. The autopsy was car-ried out on Monday (12th March) but tests are still continuing and there is no news on the early results.

Burnt and Dismembered Body Found In Añaza

lOCal neWS8

PLenTy of notice for this one because it’s just not to be missed. The Tener-ife Cabildo is delighted to announce that the Cirque du Soleil will be in the Canaries for the first time ever early next year.

They will be performing their glob-ally-acclaimed spectacular “Alegría” in 9 shows in the Pabellón Insular Santiago Martín in Santa Cruz between 13th and 20th January 2013.

Cirque du Soleilin Tenerife

January 2013


lOCal neWS 9

THe Minister of Agriculture, Food and environment (MARM), Miguel Arias Cañete, announced that there is a “preliminary agreement” with Portugal to renew the con-tract authorizing the vessels based in the Canary islands to fish in Por-tuguese waters in Madeira. According to the Spanish minister, if the bilateral agreement is renewed, the effects of the suspension of the fishing agreement between the Euro-pean Union (EU) and Morocco can be “relieved”. The suspension of this agreement, in December 2011, affected Andalusian and Canarian fishermen, who had to leave the Moroccan coasts. The pact between Spain and Portu-gal, which was signed in 2008 and re-mained in effect through 2010, was helpful for 38 artisanal fishing boats in the Canary Islands to operate in the

waters of the Azores and Madeira, and for other 38 Portuguese fishing ves-sels in the Canarian fishery ground, re-called Arias Cañete, RTP reported. In addition, the Spanish minister pledged to revive the joint commis-sion sessions with Portugal whereas this commission “has not met since 2007,” during his appearance before the Committee on Agriculture, Fisher-ies and Food in the Senate. Before this meeting, there were sec-tor conferences on agriculture and rural development and fisheries, with the assistance of the autonomous re-gions and the central Executive. During these meetings, the Minister of Agriculture, Livestock, Fisheries and Marine Affairs of the Canary Islands, Juan Ramón Hernández, claimed that the Canaries should be granted a “dif-ferentiated fishing treatment,” re-ported El Día.

Canary Islands receive“Preliminary Agreement” With Portugal Over

Fishing RightsA CHARiTy volunteer from Todmorden has set sail on a raft made of plastic bottles to raise awareness of re-cycling. Matt Nichol, a graphic designer, has joined a crew of volunteers from the charity AWF – the Atlantic Whale Foundation – tak-ing to the Atlantic on the flimsy inflatable. The team will be taking it in turns to paddle the 27 miles from Tenerife to La Gomera, in shark-infested waters. It’s part of a project called the Plastic Marathon – raising awareness about the ease and importance of recycling. The project will tie in with Climate Week (12th – 18th March.) Matt, who grew up in Todmorden, joined the AWF volunteer pro-

gramme based in Tenerife in January after finishing his degree in graphics and illustration at Coventry University. He said: “Since joining the AWF, I have been inspired and humbled by those around me. Following the example of those around me this is helping me to reach my potential and make a name for myself in the industry that I love.” The charity wants to draw attention to the 40 million plastic water bot-

tles that are dumped in landfill sites every day. The mission - part of Na-tional Climate Week this week - also aims to raise funds for the AWF’s Plant a Tree, Fund a Dream cam-paign, which provides edu-cation for children in Af-rica who have succeeded in planting and caring for trees to rebuild African forests. follow the crew at www.the plasticmara-thon.wordpress.com

Charity Stunt Takes A Lotta Bottle


lOCal inTereST10

Welcome to the second part of our trip through La Orotava.

Princesa Dácil, the Guanche Princess

On the way into La Orotava the road passes a fountain on which there is a statue of the Guanche Princesa Dácil who surveys the valley below as the spray of water helps keep the lawn lush and green whilst providing a place where blackbirds hunt for juicy worms. Princesa Dácil was the daughter of Guanche mencey Bencomo, King of Taoro - who was a bitter enemy of the Spanish invaders. However, all is fair in love and war it is said, and the princess fell in love and married one of the conquistadors, by name of Captain Fernán García del Castillo. But that’s all long ago, and today to my mind, when I look at her statue, she is symbolic of the fertility of the northern mountains and valleys and a connection with Tenerife’s pagan past.

La Orotava is a place with abun-dant vegetation where parks and gardens give it a very exotic look. There are large Dragon trees that add their mysterious charm. Casa de los Balcones with its inner courtyard in which tall palms grow, strange Staghorn ferns (Platycerium holtummii) hang in baskets, and ornate balconies is a must if you visit this town. Casa de los Bal-cones is one of several historic buildings in the Calle San Francisco, which connects the pretty squares of Plaza Casañas and Plaza

San Francisco. In it you can buy local Canar-ian food and drink, the best wines, and arts and crafts. There is a museum called the Museo de las Alfombras, in which for just one Euro, you can find out all about how they make the floral car-pets that are laid each year for the cel-ebration of Corpus Christi. In the Casa Lercaro where there is a restaurant, there is also an old-fashioned waterwheel and Spanish Colonial style terraces and gardens. In the town of La Orotava in the north of Tenerife in the Canary Islands there is a mysterious and very beautiful masonic garden containing the Mausoleum of the Marqués (Marquis) de la Quinta Roja, Diego de Ponte y Castillo. With the mountains and forests above and the coastline below the gardens offer commanding views over the La Orotava valley and the town itself.

The gardens offer seven different lev-els . As you walk up the pathways through the well-kept lawns and floral displays, wind-ing your way upwards past rose beds and fountains, the focus of the entire place is the magnificent mausoleum that towers above everything and is made from gleam-ing white Lyon marble. It was built by the French architect Adolph Coquet in 1882. Details carved into the marble show vines and what appears to be either a pinecone or a pineapple. The pinecone can be thought to be a symbol of the pineal gland thought to be the bodily location of spiritual enlight-

enment. Perhaps the use of this symbol was to show that the Marquis had reached such knowledge? The pinecone is also said to be

a symbol of re-birth and here may be symbol-ising the next life of the Marquis? There is a strong Freema-sonic presence on the island of Tenerife and the Marqués de la Quinta Roja was a member of the Taoro Masonic Lodge. After he

died at a comparitively early age, it is said that his mother had the mausoleum built but that his widow did not approve of hav-ing his remains housed there and it was not used for its original purpose. However, you still cannot help but wonder what is housed behind a mysterious padlocked wooden door that is in the front of the edifice. Behind the elaborately carved metalwork in the section above this and which bears an Omega symbol signifying “the end” - as used in the Bible where Jesus is described as “the Apha and the Omega” - it is possible

to see what is in an inner sanctum, and it is a carving of a beehive, a very important hier-oglyphic symbol or emblem in Freemasonry.The Early Masonic Catechisms printed in 1724 tells us: “A bee has in all Ages and Nations been the Grand Hierogliphick of Masonry, be-cause it excells all other living Creatures in the Contrivance and Commodiousness of its Habitation or combe; … nay Masonry or Building seems to be of the very Essence or Nature of the Bee, for her Building not the ordinary Way of all other living Creatures, is the Generative Cause which produces the

Young ones. (you know I suppose that Bees are of Neither Sex.) For this Reason the Kings of France both Pagans and Christians, always Eminent Free-Masons, carried three Bees for their Arms.”And it is also said that the original name for a Freemasonic lodge was a hive. The hive is a model of a community all working togeth-er to a common purpose and under the do-minion of the Queen Bee. At a lower level of the gardens is an elaborately carved ornate metal gate that stands between two pillars. It leads nowhere though. Behind it is a wall and a carved stone bench or seat. It is like an exhibit, but what does it say? What does it symbolise? Is it saying that stepping between one world and another reveals little in the way of dif-ference on both sides of the doorway? Is it suggesting that the Marquis, had a won-derful garden in this life and would have an-other in his next one? Walking around these gardens, and in La Orotava in general, the mind is sure to wan-der and to ask questions. La Orotava has many old historic buildings and examples of Colonial-style Canarian architecture and dragons are often incorporated in designs. The coat-of-arms of La Orotava shows a Dragon tree and four golden apples said to represent those of the mythical Garden of the Hesperides. A dragon stands guard on each side and above it all is the crown of Castille. Dragons are often found in the architec-ture and coats-of-arms in Tenerife and the La Orotava’s neighbour Puerto de la Cruz, on the coast below, has this reptile in its coat-of-arms. La Orotava, with its many surviving his-toric buildings and its steep cobblestoned streets, lanes and ornate architecture is in many ways like stepping back into the past.

Carlos.

an insightful Guide By Carlos Hernández

The Municipality ofLa Orotava (Part 2)


bUSineSS neWS 11

US ReTAiL sales rose by the most in five months during February, US Com-merce Department fig-ures have shown, fuelled mostly by demand for cars. Sales increased 1.1% last month, com-pared with an upwardly-revised 0.6% rise in Janu-ary. The latest figures showed a 1.6% jump in car and truck sales, and added to signs that the US economy is re-covering steadily. The mild winter also boosted sales at stores across the country. Sales at petrol stations gained by 3.3%, the big-gest jump since March last

year, after a 1.9% increase in January. Sales at cloth-ing stores gained by 1.8%, the biggest increase in that part of the economy since November 2010. Consumer spending ac-counts for more than two-thirds of the US economy, which is the world’s largest.

The retail sales figures add to optimism over the health of the economy, af-ter the Labour Department said last week that the US economy created 227,000 jobs in February. The unemployment rate stayed at 8.3%, the lowest level in nearly three years.

Business BriefsThe pilots union SePLA and cabin crew union STAVIA have suspended their planned strike action in Iberia which was planned from 16th March. They had planned 24 strikes, each of 24 hours affecting Holy Week and other bank holidays, but following mediation from the Government have now suspended the strike action. The row is over the crea-tion of a new low cost airline by Iberia, Iberia Express which has a launch date of 25th March. SEPLA claims it will result in the loss of 8,000 jobs in the groups, and therefore has proposed over alternative ways of segregating the activity of the airline. The strikes have been suspended after the unions and Iberia agreed to designate a mediator to put forward solutions and start a process of consensus.

The debt to Hacienda of football clubs in Spain has risen to 752 million Euros, up 150 million in the last four years. The Primera clubs make up 489 million of the debt. The numbers, dated 1stJanuary 2012, come from the Government. Left wing IU deputy, Caridad García has told the press the clubs are carrying out their business without at-tending to their fical obligations.

Caixa Bank has admitted contacts to take over Banca Cívica. The Cívica will have dif-ficulties in complying with new PP regulations being introduced by the Minister for the Economy, Luis de Guindos. However despite the admission of contacts, both banks say there is no agreement.

The Minister for industry has not ruled out putting up electricity prices in April. José Manuel Soria said that the whole range of measures would need to be studied to see if the price can be held, but he warned the reforms of energy policy being planned would apply ‘efficiency measures’ to rationalise consumption. He said that he is prepared to adopt measures which are not ‘simple or easy’. The Government is preparing an energy policy for the next ten years, and the Minister commented that abandoning nuclear power would be a luxury too far.

The Mercantile Court 10 in Madrid has sentenced the Salazar brothers, Jesús and Jaime, to pay 92.23 Euros million to the BFA-Bankia bank for altering the accounts of their SOS company to make the entry of new capital more expensive. The bank entered at ‘an inflated price’ as the brothers hid losses in the accounts. The judge commented ‘The trading value of SOS was inflated as it reflected profits which were not real’.

nicolas Sarkozy has said he wants to get the tax from the French who have placed their fiscal residency abroad to avoid taxes. ‘I want paying tax and nationality to be linked’, he said. French people working abroad will not be targeted. Meanwhile the latest poll shows Sarkozy ahead of the Socialist Hollande for the first time.

Prices were up 0.1% in February compared to January, and that ends the run of re-ductions in the IPC seen since September. Among the items rising in price, according to the National Statistics Institute were petrol, 2% up in price. The harmonized IPCA, used across Europe, was placed at 1.9% in Spain, down a tenth on last month.

US Retail Figures UpNo FavourableTreatment

From BrusselsBRUSSeLS has changed the deficit limit for Spain, with the euro-group meeting of fi-nance ministers saying that Spain must make ‘an additional effort’. Mariano Rajoy had unilat-erally changed the deficit target for the end of this year from 4.4% to 5.8% of GDP, but in Brussels on Monday night (12th March) the Eurogroup insisted that the deficit be reduced to 5.3% this year. The 0.5% greater cuts will mean an additional ad-justment in spending of 5 billion euros this year. The EU has shown an un-derstanding of the Spanish position, but has also shown that they are not soft. Spanish Economy Min-

ister, Luis de Guindos, declined to comment at the end of the meeting. Today Brussels has denied giving favourable treat-ment to Spain regarding the move of the deficit. It noted that the original 3% of GDP target for the end of 2013 has not changed. There had been some com-ments as the EU had held back 495 Euros million grants from Hungary for not reducing her deficit to 3% in 2011. The Socialist Party has announced it will vote ‘no’ to the spending ceiling fol-lowing the ‘impo-sition’ of the new deficit objective by Brussels. It will be ap-proved today how-

ever with the PP overall majority in Congress, but the Socialist parliamentary spokesman considered, ‘Brussels has strangled the Spanish economy a little bit more’. Expectations are now we are in for another rise in IVA/VAT, although that has been denied by the Minis-ter for the Economy, for this year at least, and more sackings in the public sec-tor are also considered now more likely.

Spanish economy Minister,Luis de Guindos


BeLGiUM has declared a day of mourning for the 28 people - 22 of them children - killed in a bus crash as they returned from a ski trip in Swit-zerland. The vehicle smashed into the concrete wall of a tun-nel in the Swiss Alps, near the border with Italy.Another 24 children were injured in the crash - which has been described as one the worst traffic accidents in Swiss history. Six adults, including the two drivers of the coach, died in the accident. The bus, which was car-rying 52 people, crashed on Tuesday night in the canton of Valais, an area of popular ski resorts. It was travelling on the A9 towards Sion when it sud-denly swerved to the right, struck a kerb and hit the mo-torway tunnel. Parties from two schools in Belgium were on board the bus, heading from Val d’Anniviers back to Belgium. Most of the children were aged around 12, and the bus was one of three hired by a Christian group which organised the trip. Fami-lies of the victims are being flown to Switzerland by mili-tary aircraft. An investigation to deter-mine the cause of the crash is under way. No other vehi-cles were said to be involved in the incident. Belgium’s Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo, who is to fly to the crash scene, said it was “an extremely sad day for all of Belgium”. “It is a black day for our country. All Bel-gians share our immense

sadness. There are no words to express what we feel,” he said. “The government has decided a day of national mourning will be observed.”Swiss parliamentarians stood for a minute’s silence.President Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf, who will also be visiting the site, said the country would do all it could to support the families of the dead and injured.Jan Luykx, the Belgian am-bassador to Switzerland, who went straight to the site of the crash, said, “This tragedy will hit the whole of Belgium.” The impact of the smash was so severe many pas-sengers were trapped in the wreckage and had to be freed by rescuers.Around 200 police, fire-fighters and medics worked through the night on board the bus, its front ripped open and broken glass and debris strewn across the road. Christian Varone, head of police in the Canton of Val-ais region, described it as “a scene like a war”.He said, “We have had a number of serious acci-dents in Valais but noth-ing like this, with so many young victims.”Eight helicopters and a dozen ambulances ferried survivors to hospitals in the Valais region, as well as to Bern and Lausanne. Jean-Pierre Deslarzes, a surgeon in one of the hospitals, said, “All the rescuers were shocked by what they have experienced. The magni-tude of the accident is dif-ficult to digest.” The coach was heading

back to the cities of Lom-mel, close to the Dutch bor-der, and Heverlee in Flan-ders. Distraught parents and relatives rushed to Saint Lambertus School in Hever-lee and the Stekske School in Lommel for news about their loved ones. Marc Carels, headteacher of Saint Lambertus School, which had 24 pupils, a teacher and a classroom as-sistant on the trip, said, “We know some of the children are ok, but we don’t have names.”Parish priest Dirk De Gendt

said both the adults were killed. Of the 24 pupils, “16 suf-fered different injuries, some broken arms or legs, but they are alive,” he said. But the school had “no news” of the remaining eight, he added. Peter Vanvelthoven, the mayor of Lommel, joined

anxious relatives on a con-voy of buses to a military base to be flown to the crash scene. Belgian Transport Minister Melchior Wathelet said, “I’m at a loss for words. Terribly hurt, terribly moved.” Mr Wathelet said the company that ran the coach, Top-tours, based in Aarschot,

central Belgium, had a good safety record. “The drivers had arrived the night before and had rested during the day be-fore departure. It seems that the law on driving and rest periods has been re-spected,” Mr Wathelet add-ed. Switzerland’s mountain regions have a history of deadly crashes. Tuesday’s (13th March) was the worst since 1982 when 39 German tour-ists were killed on a railway crossing when a train hit their bus.

Bus Crash Deaths Mourned In BelgiumWOrld neWS12

Plane Rolls OffRunway In AtlantaA PASSenGeR jet has rolled off an airport runway and crashed into an embankment in Atlanta, in the US. Two maintenance workers were test-ing the engines on the Delta 737 in the early hours when the brakes failed and the plane began to move, according to airline spokesman Eric Torgenson. It ended up on its side after smashing into the nearby embankment at Harts-field-Jackson Atlanta International Air-port. No passengers were on board. The ex-tent of the damage is not yet known. A nearby runway was closed while crews worked to move the plane.

Professor Hawking Lands Cameo In Hit US Show

PHySiCiST Professor Hawking, will be mak-ing an appearance in a scene with awkward scientist Sheldon Cooper, who is played by Jim Parsons. Stephen’s new voice syn-thesizer – which replaced the robotic voice he had previously become asso-ciated with – will also be revealed on The Big Bang Theory, which has pre-viously featured guest

appearances from sci-fi actors Wil Wheaton and Summer Glau. The 70-year-old cos-mologist – who is well known for writing the best-selling book A Brief History of Time – had been asked to star on the programme before but he was too ill to take part. During the fourth series of The Big Bang Theory, Professor Hawking was referenced when Howard

Wolowitz (Simon Helberg) left a voicemail on Shel-don’s phone pretending to be Stephen. He said, ‘I wish to dis-cuss your theory on black holes. Meet me at Randy’s Donuts.’Professor Hawking’s cameo appearance in the show - which stars Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco – will be aired on Channel 4 in the UK at a later date.


WOrld neWS 13

RiCK Santorum has won crucial Republican prima-ry victories in conserva-tive Alabama and Missis-sippi, bolstering his White House hopes and dealing a severe setback to rival newt Gingrich. The former Pennsylvania senator edged out rivals Mr Gingrich and frontrunner Mitt Romney to capture the two Deep South states. Mr San-torum won by a narrow mar-gin in Mississippi after earlier winning Alabama’s Republican primary with a slightly wider take.Mr Romney later salvaged a much-needed victory in Ha-waii. He also won the support of all nine delegates at cau-cuses in American Samoa. With 98% of the votes counted, former Pennsyl-vania senator Mr Santorum led with 33% of the vote in Mississippi. Mr Gingrich was second with 31%, followed closely by Mr Romney at 30%. Mr Santorum’s earlier win in Alabama came with 35% of the vote, with Mr Gingrich at 30% and Mr Romney trailing with 28%. Mr Gingrich, who has been

lagging nationally, needed a win to show he remains a vi-able candidate. The fourth candidate, Tex-an republican Ron Paul, was not competing actively in the two Deep South contests and finished far behind in single digits. “We’re on our way to victo-ry tonight; we’re on our way to victory in this election,” Mr Santorum said to cheering supporters. “We will compete everywhere. The time is now

for conservatives to pull to-gether. If we nominate a con-servative we will beat Barack Obama.” Evangelical Christians have played a critical role in voting for both states. Around 80% of voters who were surveyed in an exit poll called themselves born-again or evangelical in both south-ern states of Alabama and Mississippi. Nearby Louisiana will hold its primary vote on March 24.

Santorum Victorious in Deep South Primaries

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TREE’SSWEETTHe international war crimes court at

The Hague has found Congolese war-lord Thomas Lubanga Dyilo guilty in its first ever ruling. Lubanga, 51, was found guilty of recruiting and deploying child soldiers during a five-year conflict until 2003. Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie was at the ICC to witness the reading of the verdict - the court’s first judgement, after a decade of work. She said the verdict “sends a strong message against the use of child soldiers”.An estimated 60,000 people were killed in the violence, part of much wider bloodshed in cen-tral Africa. Lubanga sat impassively in court, having de-nied all charges. He will be sentenced at a later date. Lubanga “was essential to a common plan to conscript and enlist girls and boys below the age of 15”, ICC Presiding Judge Adrian Fulford said in reading the historic judgement.Lubanga was detained six years ago and faced three counts of war crimes. He could face up to life imprisonment, although a sentence will not be passed immediately. An appeal can be filed within 30 days. The three-judge panel said children were forced into camps in the Ituri region, where they were placed under harsh training regimes and brutally punished. Soldiers and army commanders under Lubanga’s authority used girls as domestic workers and subjected them to rape and sexu-

al violence, they said. “The accused and his co-perpetrators agreed to, and participated in, a common plan to build an army for the purpose of establishing and maintaining political and military control over Ituri,” they said. “This resulted in the conscrip-tion and enlistment of boys and girls under the age of 15.” A conviction could now help lend momentum to other prominent cases, such as that against former Ivory Coast president Laurent Gbagbo. Gbagbo is charged with individual respon-sibility on counts of crimes against humanity - murder, rape and other forms of sexual vio-lence and persecution. However, the conviction also highlighted the political limitations of the ICC. It was set up to provide a permanent forum after ad hoc tribunals, inspired by the Nuremberg trials of Nazi leaders, were used to prosecute those responsible for war crimes in the former Yu-goslavia and for the Rwandan genocide of the 1990s, but the ICC can work only with the as-sent of political leaders. “Is (Lubanaga’s conviction) going to give pause to Bashar al Assad?” asked Reed Brody, counsel for Human Rights Watch. “I don’t think so,” he continued, labelling Lubanga a “small fish” in Africa. Governments and rights groups level war crimes accusations at Syrian President al Assad for cracking down on protesters. But the ICC cannot act because of deadlock among world powers at the United Nations Security Council, the only body that could order a prosecution. Russia and China have vetoed efforts at the United Nations Security Council to refer Syrian leaders to the ICC. “It’s not the fault of the ICC,” said Mr Brody, who established a reputa-tion as a scourge of dictators during efforts to bring Chile’s Augusto Pinochet to trial. “It’s the fault of the Security Council and of the world order... the international justice system does not operate in a vacuum.”

African Warlord Convicted Of Crimes Against Humanity

The world’s tallest man may have reached his peak height after doc-tors in the US treated the gentle giant’s excessive growth disorder. Sultan Kosen has been placed on medication to treat his disproportionate levels of testosterone and doctors in Virginia believe the pioneer-ing treatment could finally stop his continued growth. His gigantic appearance is the result of a condition called acromegaly, which is usually caused by a tumour in the pituitary gland. Neurosurgeon Jason Shee-han, from Virginia Medical Centre, who helped treat Ko-sen, said, “I’m most pleased that we were able to help Sultan. ‘If he had continued to grow, it would have been life-threatening.” The 29-year-old was named the world’s tallest man by Guinness in 2011, overtaking former record holder Bao Xis-

hun who stands at 7ft 8.9in. Doctors in Turkey say Kosen, who wears size 28 shoes, has showed no further signs of

growth since returning home. Kosen has said that despite his towering height he ‘enjoys a normal lifestyle’.

World’s Tallest ManStops Growing

At 8ft 3in

The world’s tallest man, Sultan Kosen


The World Goes Green ForSt. Paddy

THe Leaning Tower of Pisa is the latest land-mark turning green for St. Patrick’s Day. The 56m high italian attrac-tion will join other sites in a “global greening” to mark ireland’s national day of celebration. Last month, Tourism Ire-land revealed Niagara Falls, the London Eye, Burj al Arab in Dubai and Table Mountain in South Africa would all be illuminated green as part of

the international spectacle on 17th March. Since then, San Fran-cisco’s Coit Tower and City Hall, Selfridges department store in London, the Cibeles fountain in Madrid, an entire town on the Costa Blanca, Moraira, Vienna’s Burgth-eater and the Palace of Cul-ture and Science in Warsaw have also come onboard.Brussels Town Hall, the Glas-gow Eye and the Clyde Au-ditorium - affectionately known as “the Armadillo” in Glasgow - will also turn green for the day on Sat-urday. Tourism Minister Leo Var-adkar said the global green-ing will promote Ireland to millions of potential visitors around the world. “Our job is to build on this fantastic occasion by encouraging them to visit Ireland,” he

said. “We want to give them the green light to visit - lit-erally. “Traditionally, St Patrick’s Day has signalled the start of the tourism season in Ireland and this initiative will significantly raise Ireland’s profile.” The Municipal Stadium in Poznan, Poland, where Ire-land will play two matches in this summer’s European Championships, has also been added to the green-ing list. Niall Gibbons, chief ex-ecutive of Tourism Ireland, said the displays will bring a smile to the faces of people around the globe. “We are absolutely delighted that so many well-known sites and attractions are eager to come on board with us and join in our celebration next weekend,” he said.

iriSH neWS14100 posties per year suffer dog attacks

Belfast University in efforts To Curb Unrest

QUeen’S University in Bel-fast has said it is “work-ing closely” with statu-tory agencies to ensure St Patrick’s Day revelries pass off peacefully this year. Recent years have seen large-scale disturbances and anti-social behaviour on March 17th, particularly in the “Holyland” area of south Belfast, where thousands of students from a number of universities and further education colleges rent ac-commodation. The area is also home to long-term owner-occupiers.

Tensions have been r u n n i n g high be-tween resi-dents and s t u d e n t s for years, r e a c h -ing a pitch around this time of year.

Last year eight people were arrested on St Patrick’s Day for a number of offences including disorderly behav-iour, criminal damage and assault. A large amount of alcohol was also confiscated from the streets. But Queen’s said it had taken steps to curb exces-sive partying, including making this Friday, March 16th, a “reading day” and by closing the university alto-gether next Monday, March 19th. It was “actively encourag-ing” students to go home to

their families for the long weekend. It was also sending sab-batical officers to patrol the Holyland on the day. A spokesman said: “The PSNI and Belfast City Coun-cil are taking the lead in contingency planning for this year’s St Patrick’s Day. Queen’s University, along with other key stakeholders including . . . the University of Ulster, St Mary’s College and Belfast Metropolitan College are working closely with the lead co-ordina-tors.” A community affairs of-ficer from QUB will visit all student houses in the Ho-lyland this week to remind students of their civic re-sponsibilities. “Any Queen’s student who is reported for anti-so-cial behaviour will be dealt with under the university’s disciplinary process,” the spokesman added.

ALMOST 100 postmen and women are at-tacked by dogs each year in northern ire-land, Royal Mail has stated. The figure was revealed as plans for an independent inquiry into dog attacks were launched. A total of 24,143 Royal Mail postal staff have been attacked while delivering mail since 2006, with 570

in Northern Ireland. Chairman of Royal Mail Group Donald Brydon an-nounced the new inquiry will examine the preva-lence of attacks and their consequences, plus make recommendations on the way forward. Mr Brydon said: “It is an offence to decency that good people should suffer these attacks when carry-ing out their daily jobs and

serving the public.” There are close to 4,000 dog attacks across the UK annually, with around 90 each year in Northern Ire-land. Many postal staff suffer serious injury and trauma. The inquiry, to be chaired by former High Court judge Sir Gordon Langley, is expected to report later this year.

An Army bomb disposal team made safe two improvised explosive de-vices in Dublin Tuesday night (13th March.) In the first incident, the team attended a house on Clogher Road, Crumlin, at

1.15am following a request from Gardaí. The scene was declared safe at 2.40am. The team then received a follow-on request and went to a residence in Limekiln Green, Walkinstown, arriving at 3am. Another viable de-

vice was made safe there, with the all-clear given at 4am. This was the third call out for Army disposal teams in Dublin in less than 24 hours and the fifth this week.

Dangerous Driving Conviction For Garda Detective

A MeMBeR of the Garda has been convicted of dangerous driving following a crash on the M50 just over two years ago. Detective Garda Kevin Keys who is attached to Mountjoy Garda station in Dublin admitted he lost control of the car on the

evening of 6 February 2010, but he pleaded not guilty to dangerous driv-ing. His solicitor asked the court to find that the prosecution had not proved that Garda Keys was guilty of dangerous driving beyond reasonable doubt. Dara Robinson said there was a possibility that the lesser charge of careless driving had been made out. However Judge Conal Gibbons said he had no doubt that the prosecu-tion had proved that Gar-

da Keys was guilty of dan-gerous driving, taking into account the conditions at the time, the speed and the description of what happened from the driver Mr Keys crashed into. He disqualified Detective Mr Keys from driving for two years and fined him 500 Euros. The judge earlier dis-missed a charge of taking the unmarked garda car without authorisation. He said to call the ar-rangements for taking a car from Mountjoy “loose” would be an understate-ment.

Det Garda Kevin Keysis based at Mountjoy

Garda Station

Army Make Safe Two explosive Devices

THe chief executive of Sainsbury’s has criticised the large stores levy intro-duced by Stormont to help subsidise rates relief for smaller businesses. Justin King said it was an unfair tax on big employers, but welcomed the fact it was only a temporary measure. The levy will come into effect from 1st April. The so-called “Tesco tax” has been opposed by large retail-ers who said it could limit in-vestment and cost jobs. Mr King said, “We don’t think any tax that’s directed at a particular sector, particu-larly one like supermarkets

that create so many jobs, is a good thing, but what we were pleased to see is that it has a so-called sunset clause in it, so it won’t last beyond its cur-rent duration.” Finance Minister Sammy Wil-son said the tax would fund additional help for small busi-nesses. He said it would also allow business ratepayers to brighten up shop windows with non-commercial window displays, without incurring full occupied rates. It also provides for a one year concession, during 2012/13, that will effectively allow 50% empty-property re-lief to continue for a year.

In December, it emerged that, on average, big retail-ers will pay an extra charge of £66,000 a year. That would raise £5m which would be used to fund a rate cut for small shops. The levy will be at a rate of 15%, not 20% as originally planned. It will af-fect 76 large shops. Under the plans, a shop the size of the Belfast Ikea store could pay an extra £250,000 a year in rates.Businesses with more than three branches will not qualify for the rate cut - which means bookmakers’ chains and bank branches will be excluded from the lower rates benefit.

Sainsbury Critical Of Tax Levy


NI Politicians To Get £5,000 Pay Rise

iriSH neWS 15

POLiTiCiAnS at the northern ireland As-sembly are to get a pay rise of nearly £5,000, but face hefty cuts in their expenses and al-lowances. An independent review has ordered the changes, which it said will deliver an overall saving of £3.16 mil-lion to the taxpayer.

The Independent Finan-cial Review Panel revealed its findings which will also cut the financial benefit to Assembly Members who double as district councillors or MPs. Chair of the independent panel Pat McCartan said: “I think it is a tough but fair and equitable and afford-able package.”

The package of meas-ures also seeks to cap the hiring of family members by politicians, and tackle the hiring of services from relatives or from po-litical donors. After a study of the work of Assembly Mem-bers, and the fact that each of the 18 constituen-cies elects six representa-tives, the review ruled that wages will remain lower than other devolved UK legislatures. The group’s chair added: “The Assembly should be applauded for having the courage to place these decisions in the hands of an independent panel to-tally free of political influ-ence.” He said the measures in-troduced new regulations for expenses to improve value for money and in-crease transparency and accountability.

Wind Turbine DealWorth £50 Million

A BeLFAST company has signed a £50 mil-lion deal with a global wind turbine manu-facturer as it submits a tender to install 200 turbines across north-ern ireland within the next five years. Simple Power has signed an exclusive agreement with Vergnet SA to use its turbines in the region. The local firm will op-erate and manage single turbines on a range of sites, including farm land rented out by owners, with electricity produced going into the main grid. Its first two 250kw tur-bines will start producing

energy this summer, with an ambitious goal of get-ting 200 turning by 2016.Simple Power chief ex-ecutive Paul Carson said the deal came at a pivotal point in the development of wind energy in North-ern Ireland. Mr Carson hailed his new partners. “The com-pany is a global leader in the wind sector medium with expertise spanning 20 years,” he said. “We look forward to leveraging our com-bined strengths to fuel the growth of the single wind turbine sector in the province.” He added: “The com-

pany’s highly advanced technological and engi-neering expertise is cru-cial to the rapid roll-out of our single wind turbine strategy this year and over the next five years.” Marc Vergnet, chief executive of Vergnet SA said, “With Simple Pow-er, Vergnet has found an innovative and very professional partner in a rapidly growing renew-able energy region. “The calibre of the Sim-ple Power team, which is clearly highly committed to developing the sin-gle wind energy market in Northern Ireland, was particularly important.”


PROBLeMS can often arise when neighbours are forced to live in close proximity to each other. Often delicate neighbourhood relationships can be strained by disputes like non-payment of community charges or noise. Cleanliness, watering systems and bad smells are some of the other causes of neighbourhood disputes, but for the Spanish in particular, noise is by far and away the most common cause of conflicts between neighbours. These latest findings in a study by CPP indicate that excessive noise is a problem specific to Spain. The same study showed that in Britain, for ex-ample, there are only half as many disputes over noise. According to the report, many of the disputes between neighbours re-main unresolved and more than half of respondents said that they have occurred over the past year. Legal costs are, together with dam-ages, the biggest sources of eco-nomic loss when solving a neighbour-hood dispute in Spain. Only one in ten

people are likely to take legal action. The study shows that the conse-quences of these conflicts include having to deal with unexpected ex-penses and lost time, having to take legal action, having to cope with stressful arguments, and even health problems, especially in those over 65 years-of-age. Another consequence of neigh-bourhood conflicts, which generates substantial costs, is having to move house, which 8% of people surveyed claim to have done or are thinking of doing, with young people between 26 and 35 the most willing to do so.

Many highlighted the psychological rather than economic cost of the disputes with their neighbours, which two out of ten respondents report-ed having suffered. 10% of respond-ents said the dispute had resulted in the total breakdown of relations with their neighbour. Region by region, Murcia had the highest number of neighbourhood disputes, with 77% of people sur-veyed saying they had at some time been, or were currently involved in one, followed by Madrid (72%) and Va-lencia (70%); whereas Navarre (40%), Galicia (51%) and Asturias (52%) were all below average. Young people aged between 18 and 35 are the most likely to be in-volved in a neighbourhood conflict - 73% claim to have had disputes with their neighbours; while nearly half of those over 65 years (45%) say they have never encountered this kind of situation. People living in flats suffer more disputes (72%) than those living in de-tached villas (63%) or semi-detached housing (63%).

FOLLOWinG a serious head injury on 16th Feb-ruary, a 13-year-old girl has died in hospital. The child was hit by an iron bar which fell on her in the street, causing her serious head trauma. It happened when she was walking with a friend to her school in the La Princesa district of Mál-aga and was hit by chance by the falling iron bar which had come from a blind on a block, and fallen some 30 metres. Several people raised the

alarm and the health ser-vices were on the scene quickly and she was rushed to the Carlos Haya Hospital. Her head injuries were such that an operation was need-ed, and after that she went into intensive care. She had been making pro-gress, and indeed left inten-sive care last week, but over the past few days her condi-tion worsened and she died on Tuesday, 13th March. Málaga Local Police had opened an investigation to establish from exactly where the iron bar fell from, and it is now known that it came from a flat on the 7th floor. The police have sent the information and witness ac-counts to the courts, but the conclusion was that it was a tragic accident and no one is responsible.

naTiOnal neWS16Two Thirds Of Spaniards Are

Engaged InNeighbourhood

DisputesCarlos Haya Hospital, Málaga

Málaga Girl Dies After Tragic Accident

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Ibiza Sees The Return Of Manchester’s New OrderMAnCHeSTeR legends new Order are heading to ibiza to play their first gig on the island more than 20 years af-ter they adopted its Balearic sound for one of their most successful re-cords. They will join acts including Kasabian, Ti-nie Tempah and Ed Sheeran at the Ibiza Rocks festival later this year. The band, whose 1983 hit Blue Monday remains the biggest-selling 12-inch single of all time, recorded part of their 1989 number-one album Technique in Ibiza

where they were heavily influenced by Balearic house music and acid house. Singer Bernard Sumner said: “The last time New Order were in Ibiza was the sec-ond summer of love. We were there to re-cord an album and didn’t really know what we were walking into. “By the time we left a few months lat-er New Order, the Happy Mondays and the Hacienda had collided and fused with the Balearics and Ibiza’s superclubs. Manchester had become Madchester and dance music had made a quantum

leap. “Although we didn’t spend much time in the studio, we left with the basis of our album Technique. “New Order and Ibiza are forever en-twined. There’s no going back so instead we look forward - to playing our first-ever concert on the island at Ibiza Rocks.” The band formed in 1980 from the ashes of post-punk rockers Joy Division after the suicide of lead singer Ian Curtis and became one of British music’s most influential acts.

BRiTiSH angler An-drew Latham, 44, died when he was electrocuted while fishing at the Ama-dorio reservoir in Or-cheta on the morn-ing of 14th March (Wednesday.) Police say that Mr Latham’s body was found floating in the reservoir but this was re-futed by witnesses who claim that Mr Latham was next to his fish-ing chair when his esti-mated 24ft-long fishing pole hit overhead power lines. By the time the emergency services ar-rived at the scene there

was nothing they could do to revive Mr Latham. A spokesman for the fishing club, based in Orcheta, said that Mr Latham had been there earlier in the day to pur-chase a fishing licence and that he went to a part of the reservoir that is popular with an-glers. He added that three people were already at the spot fishing when Mr Latham arrived and they made space for him which placed him close to an electric-ity sub-station and high voltage overhead power lines.

Brit Killed Whilst Fishing


naTiOnal neWS 17Madrid Commemorates Victims Of Bombings

Pensioner RescuedAfter Wall Collapse

A 65 year-old man from Albox, Almería, was rescued early on Tuesday 13th March after spending the night buried under the remains of a five-meter wall which col-lapsed on him while he was in the courtyard of his home. According to sources in the Office of Health, the wounded man was taken to the Inmaculada Hospital in Huércal-Overa where he remained under observation of the ER. Sources said that the emergency services were alerted by a neighbour after missing his pres-ence in the morning. Upon investigation, the neighbour discovered the man injured under the

rubble of the wall and called 112. The man, who was buried in mud up to his waist, managed to avoid major injuries from the fall of the wall but was stuck in a gap in the wall until 6 fire fighters were able to free him.

According to prelimi-nary observations by the rescue services, the fall of the wall was caused by a leak of water due to a breakdown in the sup-ply network that went unnoticed by the owner, who lived alone in the apartment.

inmaculada Hospital in Huércal-Overa

THe Community of Madrid and Madrid City Council have paid tribute to the vic-tims of the attacks of 11thMarch 2004 in two separate events, both held a day late so as not to coincide with demonstrations against the labour re-form bill held in the capital. The two memorial ser-vices were attended by representatives of the PP, PSOE, IU and UPyD and victim groups. The homage organised by the Community of Madrid brought togeth-er 200 people, including the regional president, Esperanza Aguirre, and the mayor of the capital, Ana Botella, who togeth-er laid laurel wreath at the memorial plaque in the Puerta del Sol. Also present were the Ministers of Culture, José Ignacio Wert, and

Agriculture, Miguel Arias Cañete, the government delegate in Madrid, Cris-tina Cifuentes, director general for the Support of Victims of Terrorism of the Ministry of Inte-rior, Sonia Ramos, and spokespersons the PP, PSOE, IU and UPyD in the Madrid Assembly.

On behalf of the vic-tims, the presidents of the Association of Vic-tims of Terrorism (AVT), Ángeles Pedraza, and the Association of 11-M Victim Support, Ánge-les Domínguez, and the President of the Foun-dation for Victims of Terrorism, Maite Paga-

zaurtundua. Five minutes’ silence was observed at Ato-cha station and a laurel wreath was laid in memo-ry of victims of the 11-M attacks by the spokes-men for the opposition, and the government del-egate and secretary of the PSOE, Óscar López.

S p e a k i n g to the press before the tribute organized by City Hall at the monument in Atocha station, the pres-ident of the Association of 11-M Victim Support, Ángeles Domínguez, said that the decision by the Director of Public Pros-ecutions, Eduardo Tor-res-Dulce, to investigate the wreckage of one of the trains that allegedly

exploded in the attacks, and has been kept in railway storage, is “a ray

of hope.” Domínguez said that the association had been “very alone this year in its fight” to keep open the investigation into what happened on 11th March 2004, and said they felt that “justice has still not been done.” She also called the postponement of the commemorative events in order to avoid the demonstration against the labour reform bill “unfair”, saying that the unions “have 364 days to demonstrate and 11th March is the day to re-member”. For his part, the gov-ernment delegate in Ma-drid called for unity for all victims of terrorism, saying “terrorism is the enemy of all and all vic-tims are equal.”

ÁngelesDomínguez


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TELEVISION & ENTERTAINMENT guIdE

BBC1Wednesday 21st

9:00pmBlank Canvas. Sixteen can-didates begin their fight for one-life changing op-portunity - a quarter of a million pounds to start up a business with Lord Sugar as their partner. In the first task, the boys compete against the girls. Each team must buy blank goods, add value by printing a design onto them and then sell them from stalls on the streets of London. It is a test of the candidates’ creativity, marketing and sales-manship. One team gets crea-tive with cute kids’ clothes, while the other plays it safe with Union Jacks on teddies for tourists. Having to hand-print hun-dreds of products by midnight piles on the pressure, result-ing in messed-up merchandise, and figuring out the financials is almost forgotten. Punters are put off by poor-ly-printed products and over-zealous selling, and the bitch-ing, backbiting and blaming begins. In the boardroom, one can-didate’s dream of going in-to business with Lord Sugar comes to an abrupt end when they are the first to hear the words “You’re fired”.

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Tv GUide20f r i d a Y6:00am .........................................................Breakfast9:15am ............................. Crime and Punishment10:00am ..................Homes Under the Hammer11:00am ............................................... Cowboy Trap11:45am ........................................Cash in the Attic12:15pm ................................................Bargain Hunt1:00pm ........................................ BBC News at One1:45pm .............................................................Doctors2:15pm ............................ Escape to the Country3:00pm ........................................................ BBC News3:05pm ............................... I Want My Own Room3:35pm ............................................. Lockie Leonard4:00pm ...................Sport Relief Does Glee Club4:30pm ....................................................... Blue Peter5:00pm .....................................................Newsround5:15pm ...........................................................Pointless

6:00pm ............................... bbC news at Six6:30pm ............................bbC london news7:00pm .................................. The One Show8:00pm ........................................eastendersThere are fireworks aplenty when Shirley and Andrew come to blows at Heather’s hen do - but can Heather go through with the wedding after Andrew’s confession the night before?

8:30pm ..................Helen’s polar Challenge for Sport relief

On 22 January 2012, Blue Peter’s Helen Skelton completed an epic 500-mile trek to the South Pole for Sport Relief, using three modes of transport: kite skiing, cross country skis, and - in a world first - by bike.

9:00pm .........................................new TricksThe team reinvestigate the murder of fashion designer Ritchie Levene following an intensive campaign by his ex-wife to reopen the case.

10:00pm ............................bbC news at Ten10:25pm ..........................bbC london news10:35pm .......... The Graham norton Show11:20pm ....................The national lottery

friday night draws11:30pm .............................. The last CastleThe story of a respected and decorated general whose career ends in disgrace when he disobeys orders and is sent to a maximum-security prison dubbed the Castle.

6:00am ................................................Children´s TV6:35am .......................................................Octonauts6:45am ...............................................................Dipdap6:50am ...........................................Pinky Dinky Doo7:00am .....................................................................Roar7:30am ........................ The League of Super Evil7:45am ............................................................. Eliot Kid7:55am ......................................................Newsround8:00am ..................................Bear Behaving Badly8:25am .........................................Shaun the Sheep8:30am ....................................................Alphablocks8:35am ..............................................................Abadas8:45am ....................................................... Poetry Pie8:50am ...................................................Lulu Zipadoo9:05am .........................................Tinga Tinga Tales9:20am ...........................Driver Dan’s Story Train9:30am ............................................Guess with Jess9:40am ..........................Andy’s Wild Adventures9:55am ..................................................... Same Smile10:10am ..................Chuggington: Badge Quest10:15am .................................................64 Zoo Lane10:30am ........ Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies10:40am .......................................................Waybuloo11:00am ................................. In the Night Garden11:30am ........................................ BBC World News12:00pm .......................................The Daily Politics1:00pm ...........................................My Life in Books1:30pm .....................................Living Dangerously2:15pm ........................................The Weakest Link3:00pm .......................................Helicopter Heroes3:45pm ............................................................... Flog It!4:30pm .......................................................Breakaway5:15pm .....................................Antiques Road Trip

6:00pm ...........................................eggheads6:30pm .......... britain’s first photo album7:00pm ............................The Culture Show8:00pm ...................................... Mastermind8:30pm .............................Gardeners’ World9:00pm ...................... reverse Missionaries10:00pm ....................................................... Qi10:30pm .......................................newsnight11:00pm .......................... The review Show11:50pm ..................The Singing detective

6:00am ..........................................................Daybreak8:30am ............................................................Lorraine9:25am .............................The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30am ................................................This Morning11:25am ........................................................ ITV News11:30am ................................................This Morning12:30pm ............................................Loose Women1:30pm .............................ITV News and Weather2:00pm ..................................Dickinson’s Real Deal3:00pm ................... The Alan Titchmarsh Show4:00pm .....................................Midsomer Murders5:00pm .......................................................The Chase

6:00pm ............................... london Tonight6:30pm .................. iTv news and Weather7:00pm ....................................... emmerdaleMoira struggles to take control of her family. Sandy feels more and more isolated. Megan wants something if she is to keep Declan’s secret.

7:30pm ...........................Coronation StreetLeanne receives information that could change the murder investigation. Carla is aghast when Peter’s motivation becomes clear.

8:00pm .............................Safari vet SchoolThe students are helping head vet Dr Will Fowlds move four buffalo from a holding facility. Two are moved successfully and then Sam from Cambridge University takes over as team leader.

8:30pm ...........................Coronation StreetAs Frank’s murder investigation continues, DS Nash is convinced he has the culprit. A condemned Peter is left guilt-stricken after Leanne and Ken’s outburst.

9:00pm ...........................................benidormThe Garveys are alarmed by rumours of a gang kidnapping the unwary and stealing their organs so, when Michael sees a tall dark stranger bundling Madge into a car, they are convinced she is a victim.

10:00pm ........iTv news at Ten & Weather10:35pm ......................................Mad Max 2:

The road WarriorFast-paced apocalyptic adventure. In a hostile post-World War III world, petrol is the most precious commodity and people will do anything to get it.

6:10am ......................................................The Hoobs6:35am ......................................................The Hoobs7:00am ........................................ Freshly Squeezed7:30am ..........................................According to Jim7:55am .................................Festival Morning Line8:55am ...................Everybody Loves Raymond9:25am ...............................................................Frasier9:55am ....................Phil Spencer: Secret Agent11:00am ....................... You Deserve This House12:00pm ........................................Channel 4 News12:05pm ............ Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard12:30pm .............................. Cheltenham FestivalIt could be one of those ‘where were you’ moments: could Kauto Star really regain the Betfred Cheltenham Gold Cup for the second time and a third win overall?

4:15pm ............................................ Deal or No Deal5:00pm ................................... Come Dine with Me5:30pm .................................................Four in a Bed

6:00pm ...................................The Simpsons6:30pm ...........................................HollyoaksWhen rob crosses a line, the appalled sixth formers have to act. but will he admit what’s really going on?

7:00pm ...............................Channel 4 news7:25pm .................... Cheltenham Gold Cup7:30pm ..................................... 4thought.tv7:35pm ........................ Come dine with MeThis brand new episode comes from East Sussex. Going head to head for the prize is food lover Dizz Byrom-Colburn, businessman John Hammond, attention-seeking Daniel Gray, and mad-as-a-hatter Tracey Waters.

8:30pm ............................................. new GirlNick tells Julia how much he enjoys spending time with her, but when she responds by saying that she doesn’t want to put a label on their relationship he is anxious and disappointed.

9:00pm ................. The Celebrity bank JobGeorge Lamb hosts two special shows with an all-star celebrity team who aim to pull off the ultimate heist, in the name of their favourite charities.

10:00pm .......................................rude TubeAlex Zane presents the 100 most brilliant internet clips battling it out to be the best of 2012.

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Since Carol and Omar took over the shop, in August last year, they have extended their stock. It now offers more than four times the items that were for sale previously.A huge range of British products can be found here: brands such as; Tesco, Iceland, Morrisons, Sainsbury’s, even Marks and Spencer!Carol and Omar are continually working to improve on what’s avail-able and on offer to their customers. Throughout the course of this month, you’ll see a selection of British magazines, greetings cards, etc. arriving in the store.The very big plus is that parking is fantastic around this supermar-ket, unlike anywhere else you go in the south - very important for busy people looking to do a bit of quick shopping.


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Tv GUide 211 6 T H M a r C H

6:00am ................................................Children´s TV9:15am .........................................The Wright Stuff11:10am .........................................LIVE with Gabby12:10pm ....................................5 News Lunchtime12:15pm .....................................Emergency Bikers1:15pm ...........................................Home and Away1:45pm .....................................................Neighbours2:15pm ....................................................................NCIS3:15pm ..............................................................Tribute5:00pm .....................................................Neighbours

6:00pm ...............................Home and away6:30pm ...............................Home and away6:55pm ............................. inside Hollywood7:00pm ............................................ revealed8:00pm ..................................eddie Stobart:

Trucks and Trailers9:00pm ...................................The Mentalist10:00pm ............................................... Castle10:55pm .............................. law and Order:

Criminal intent11:55pm ........................... inside Hollywood

6:00am ......................................Coronation Street6:25am .....................................................Emmerdale7:15am ................................................Loose Women8:10am .................................................... Judge Judy9:25am ................................The Real Housewives

of Orange County10:30am .................................................. Judge Judy12:00pm ...................................Coronation Street12:30pm ..................................................Emmerdale1:00pm .....................................................Emmerdale1:30pm ............................ The Jeremy Kyle Show3:40pm ................................The Real Housewives

of Orange County4:40pm ...............................................Loose Women5:40pm .................................................... Judge Judy

7:00pm ...............................love in the Wild8:00pm ..................... You’ve been framed!8:30pm .........................Harry Hill’s Tv burp9:00pm ...................................american idol10:00pm ...........................................daylight

7:00pm ......................................doctor WhoEarth has been conquered and the Master rules supreme, with the Doctor his prisoner. Can Martha Jones save the world?

7:55pm ..............doctor Who Confidential8:00pm ....................World’s Craziest fools8:30pm ................................The real HustleEx-Coronation Street star Lucien Laviscount takes on a new role as guest Hustler when he joins the team for a devious con based in the antiques world.

9:00pm ..............................russell Howard’s Good news

9:30pm ..............................russell Howard’s Good news

10:00pm ..................................... eastenders10:30pm .............................. White van ManOllie inadvertently arranges a date with an old flame, Emma discovers that Tony has managed to get a date of his own, and Darren is left alone to work for a client with whom he shares a bitter past.

11:00pm ...................................... family Guy11:45pm ............................... american dad!

6:00am .......................................................Heartbeat7:00am ................... Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman8:00am ....................................The Adventures of

Sherlock Holmes9:10am ...................................George and Mildred9:45am .................................Upstairs, Downstairs10:50am ........................................Inspector Morse12:55pm ....................................................Heartbeat2:00pm .................................... Murder, She Wrote3:05pm .................. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman4:05pm ...............................Daily Cooks Challenge5:05pm ...................................George and Mildred5:40pm .......................................................Heartbeat

6:45pm ......................... Murder, She Wrote7:55pm ...............The darling buds of May9:00pm ..............................................Taggart10:00pm .....................................MarchlandsFinal episode of the chilling drama about three families who live in the same remote house in different time periods.

11:00pm ........................................ Mermaids

8:55am ............................................Deal or No Deal9:55am ......................How Clean is Your House?10:30am .........Help! My House is Falling Down11:40am ........................................Carry on Doctor1:30pm ................... Phil Spencer: Secret Agent2:30pm ...................................Come Dine with Me3:05pm ...................................................... Coach Trip3:35pm .................................................Four in a Bed4:05pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals4:40pm .....................................A Place in the Sun:

Home or Away5:45pm ............................. Relocation, Relocation

6:50pm ...... Celebrity Come dine with MeOld school entertainer and game show host Tom O’Connor, scary Queen of Clean Kim Woodburn, Darren Day, and Scouse actress and star of the stage Claire Sweeney compete for the £1000 charity prize.

7:55pm .......... phil Spencer: Secret agent9:00pm .................................. The land Girls11:05pm ................................Grand designs

6:00am .......................................The Professionals6:50am ............................................................ Batman7:45am ...............World’s Wildest Police Videos8:35am ...................................................The Fall Guy9:35am ............................................. Quantum Leap10:40am .....................................The Professionals11:40am ..........................Police, Camera, Action!12:15pm ......................UEFA Champions League2:50pm ...................................................The Fall Guy3:55pm ............................................................ Batman4:25pm ............................................................ Batman5:00pm .......................................The Professionals

6:00pm .................................... Uefa europa league Highlights

7:00pm ...................... border Security USaAt JFK, officers uncover a child-smuggling operation, and a Ghanaian professional boxer has an unusual travel itinerary.

8:00pm ............................. kings of the kop9:00pm ..................... Conan the destroyer11:05pm ....... The last House on the left

7:00am ............................................Only the Strong8:40am ........................Blue, White and Perfect10:00am ................Killer Tomatoes Strike Back!11:30am ................Killer Tomatoes Eat France!1:15pm ....................................................................Toys3:25pm .......................................Jingle All the Way5:00pm ....................................That Thing You Do!A small-town beat combo become a national overnight sensation with their debut record - but their sudden success looks to be a one-off, leaving them struggling to find a way of repeating the formula.

7:00pm ............................finding forresterReclusive writer Sean Connery befriends a gifted student and tries to help him in his struggle for acceptance at an exclusive school. However, events take an unexpected turn when the youngster is accused of plagiarism by an embittered professor and he’s forced to rely on his friend to help prove his innocence.

9:00pm .........................................Meet dave9:40pm ...................................fXM presents10:00pm ....................................... rushmore

09:30 AM ......................Fun With Dick And Jane11:00 AM ......................................................Fired Up!12:30 PM ...................................................The Quest4:00 PM .......................................................The NinesGary, an actor who plays a cop on television, uses too much lighter fluid when he burns his ex-girlfriend’s things, then he drinks and drives, uses crack, and crashes his car. He sobers up in jail.

6:00 pM ...........................Meet The parentsA male nurse Greg Focker meets his girlfriend’s parents before proposing, but her suspicious father is every date’s worst nightmare.

8:00 pM ............................... The lost WorldThe film is based on the discovery of an earth populated by dinosaurs in the modern world, on a plateau in Mongolia.

10:00 pM .....................................88 MinutesA thriller about a college professor who, while moonlighting as a forensic psychiatrist for the FBI, receives a death threat telling him that he has only 88 minutes to live.


S a T U r d a Y6:00am .........................................................Breakfast10:00am .......................................Saturday Kitchen11:30am ............................................ Football Focus12:00pm ..................................................... BBC News12:10pm ....................... Six Nations Rugby UnionCoverage from Rome as Italy host Scotland in the last round of matches in the 2012 Six Nations. These two teams have finished in the bottom two for the past four championships, and are both up against it once again after disappointing starts to the 2012 tournament.

2:30pm ......................... Six Nations Rugby UnionLive coverage from the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff, where Wales host France. Wales have produced an entertaining brand of rugby in this year’s championship, but this match is all about getting a result as the Six Nations reaches its conclusion.

4:45pm ......................... Six Nations Rugby UnionCoverage of the final match of the 2012 Six Nations, with England hosting Ireland at Twickenham. Ireland won last year’s clash 24-8, destroying England’s Grand Slam hopes in the process.

6:55pm ...........................................bbC news7:05pm ............................bbC london news7:10pm .......... let’s dance for Sport reliefThe Grand Final features performances from EastEnders’ Tameka Empson and Laurie Brett, ex-Olympian Eddie ‘the eagle’ Edwards, comedian Miles Jupp, Outnumbered’s Tyger Drew-Honey, CBBC’s Dani Harmer and comedian Omid Djalili.

8:45pm .....................The national lottery: in it to Win it

9:35pm .............................................CasualtyTensions reach boiling point when Anton’s Farmead Crew run riot in the ED. Can Jordan and Yvonne restore order to the chaos?

10:25pm .........................................bbC news10:45pm .......................... Match of the daySwansea have impressed since coming up from the Championship, and now the Welsh side travel down the M4 to face Fulham at Craven Cottage. Meanwhile, Wigan are in search of much-needed points in their fight to avoid relegation as they play host to West Brom at the DW Stadium.

11:45pm ..........The football league Show

6:00am .............................................Harry and Toto6:10am .........................................................Lunar Jim6:20am .............................Raa Raa the Noisy Lion6:35am ...........................Driver Dan’s Story Train6:45am ...........................................Pinky Dinky Doo7:00am ...............Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab7:30am ....................................Dennis and Gnasher7:40am ...................The New Scooby-Doo Show8:05am .......................................................... Pixelface8:35am .......................Prank Patrol Down Under9:00am ..................................Ultimate Sports Day9:30am ............................Helen’s Polar Challenge

for Sport Relief10:00am ............................................................My Life10:30am ..........................................................Trapped11:00am .................................................Hacker Time11:25am ............................................................ Ooglies11:40am ........................................MOTD Kickabout12:00pm ......................... Escape to the Country1:00pm ........................ F1: Grand Prix QualifyingJake Humphrey is in Melbourne, where the 2012 Formula 1 season gets under way.

2:15pm ..........................................................Cromwell4:30pm ...................................................... Final Score5:30pm ............................................................... Flog It!

6:30pm ........................................dad’s armyCaptain Mainwaring calls a court of inquiry when the platoon’s ammunition is used up on a passing aircraft.

7:00pm .......................... The Story of light entertainment

This episode charts the comedian’s meteoric rise to the top, examining the careers and lives of comedy legends past and present.

8:00pm ........... How God Made the englishThe first in a three-part series in which Diarmaid MacCulloch, Professor of Church History at Oxford University, explores both what it means to be English and what has shaped English identity.

9:00pm .........Have i Got Old news for You9:30pm ..................................................arena11:00pm ............................ lord of the fliesCompelling film adaptation of William Golding’s disturbing tale of a group of schoolboys stranded on a remote island following a plane crash.

6:00am ...............................................Signed Stories6:10am .................................................... Engie Benjy6:20am ..............................................................Pocoyo6:30am ............................................. Fluffy Gardens6:40am ............................................. Fluffy Gardens6:45am ...........................................................The Hive7:05am ..................... Soli and Mo’s Nature Show7:10am ..................................................................Sooty7:25am ...................................................................Monk7:30am ................................................................. X-Men7:50am .................................. Fleabag Monkeyface8:05am ..............................Almost Naked Animals8:30am .........................................Hannah Montana8:55am ..................................................................Monk9:00am ...... Fort Boyard - Ultimate Challenge9:25am .......................................................... ITV News9:30am ......................The Jeremy Kyle Show US10:25am ....................The Jeremy Kyle Show US11:20am ................................................This Morning12:20pm ..........................ITV News and Weather12:30pm ...........................Everton V SunderlandA semi-final place at Wembley is the prize on offer to Everton and Sunderland in this FA Cup sixth-round tie at Goodison Park.

3:00pm ........................................Death on the NileWhile on a Nile steamer, detective Hercule Poirot investigates the death of a honeymooning heiress who had stolen her best friend’s fiance and crossed most of the other passengers at some time in the past - giving them all a motive for murder.

5:35pm ............................................London Tonight5:45pm .............................ITV News and Weather

6:00pm ................all Star family fortunesIn this edition, singer Sophie Ellis-BextoR and Broadcaster Angela Rippon go head to head.

7:00pm ......................You’ve been framed!7:30pm .........................Harry Hill’s Tv burp8:00pm ......................................Take Me Out9:15pm ............... The Jonathan ross ShowJoining Jonathan today are comedian Sarah Millican and boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard.

10:15pm ................ iTv news and Weather10:30pm ..........................fa Cup Highlights11:30pm ......................................... The Cube

6:00am ....................................The Treacle People6:10am ......................................................The Hoobs6:35am .......................................Paralympics Extra7:30am ...........................................Mobil 1 The Grid7:55am .........................................The Morning Line8:55am ..........................................................Koko Pop9:25am .................................................... Real Stories10:25am ..........................................................New Girl10:55am ..........................................Charlie’s Angels11:50am ..............................The Big Bang Theory12:25pm .............................The Big Bang Theory12:55pm ............................................ The Simpsons1:25pm ............................................... The Simpsons1:55pm .........................................Channel 4 Racing4:15pm .....................Sainsbury’s and Channel 4

Present... 20124:20pm ................................... Come Dine with Me4:50pm ................................... Come Dine with Me5:20pm ................................... Come Dine with Me5:55pm ................................... Come Dine with Me

6:25pm ........................ Come dine with MeThe competition in Bury comes to its conclusion at accountant Paula Skelton’s house. She’s spent the week over-indulging and falling out with her fellow diners, so expectations for her night are low.

6:55pm ...............................Channel 4 news7:25pm ..................................... 4thought.tv7:30pm ...........................river Cottage vegIn this first episode Hugh heads into the River Cottage vegetable garden to see what green summer vegetables he can get his hands on to set him on his way.

8:30pm ................big fat Gypsy WeddingsReputation Is Everything, explores how honour and reputation are sacred for many Gypsies and travellers, and how the consequences of losing face can be devastating for all the family.

9:30pm ................. The Celebrity bank Job10:30pm ........................................... CopycatSigourney Weaver starts in Jon Amiel’s taut thriller as Helen Hudson, an agoraphobic psychologist working with cop MJ Monahan and convicted killer Daryll Lee Cullum, whom they must consult.

12:10 pm - Live coverage of the final match of this year’s Six nations, with england hosting ireland at Twickenham. Ireland won last year’s clash 24-8, destroying England’s Grand Slam hopes in the pro-cess, and they have a great record at Twickenham in re-cent years, winning on three of their last four visits. Gabby Logan is joined by Keith Wood and Lawrence Dallaglio, with commentary coming from Andrew Cotter and Brian Moore.

2:30pm - Live coverage from the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff, where Wales are hosting France.Wales have produced an en-tertaining brand of rugby in this year’s championship but today will be all about get-ting a result as the Six Na-tions reaches its conclusion. An added incentive for the Welsh team will be to avenge the defeat to France in last autumn’s World Cup semi-final in New Zealand when they came agonisingly close to victory.

4:45pm - Live cover-age from Rome as italy host Scotland in the last round of matches in the 2012 Six nations. These two teams have fin-ished in the bottom two for the past four championships and are both up against it once again after disappoint-ing starts to their 2012 cam-paign. This will be Scotland’s first match in Stadio Olimpico, which is Italy’s temporary home while Stadio Flaminio is being renovated.

Rugby Union Six nationsBBC1 - 12:10 - 6:55 pm

editor Recommends

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1 7 T H M a r C H6:00am ................................................Children´s TV8:45am ................................................... Rupert Bear9:00am ............Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom9:15am ........................................The Mr Men Show9:30am ................................ Roary the Racing Car9:40am .................................Mist: Sheepdog Tales10:00am ..............................Animal Rescue Squad10:15am .....................................Emergency Bikers11:20am ..................................... The Green Berets2:05pm .................................................... Bronco Billy4:20pm ............................ RV - Runaway Vacation

6:20pm .............................5 news Weekend6:25pm .....................................................nCiS7:15pm ......................................................nCiS8:05pm .....................................................nCiS9:00pm ................................................ CSi: nY10:00pm .............................. law and Order:

Special victims Unit10:55pm ............................ CSi: Crime Scene

investigation11:50pm ........................... inside Hollywood

6:25am ..................Coronation Street Omnibus8:35am ................................ Emmerdale Omnibus11:30am ................................................ Take Me Out12:30pm ................... Take Me Out - The Gossip1:15pm ...........................................Love in the Wild2:15pm ....................................Harry Hill’s TV Burp2:45pm ................................................American Idol5:40pm ......................................The Scorpion King

7:25pm ................................. kangaroo JackComedy adventure. Two childhood friends get caught up with the mob in New York and find themselves forced to travel to Australia to deliver 50,000 dollars of dirty money.

9:15pm ...............Take Me Out - The Gossip10:00pm ...............................Celebrity Juice10:45pm ............Totally bonkers Guinness

World records11:15pm..............................rumour Has it...Perky romantic comedy following a woman’s quest to discover if there is any truth to the local legend that her parents inspired the story behind movie classic The Graduate.

7:00pm ......................................doctor WhoWhen disaster hits the Titanic, the Doctor uncovers a threat to the whole human race. Battling alongside aliens, saboteurs, robot Angels and a new friend called Astrid, can he stop the Christmas inferno?

8:15pm .............................................Top GearJeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May set out to discover if you can go motor racing for less than it costs to play golf.

9:15pm .........Confessions of a ShopaholicRomantic comedy. A college graduate with a shopping addiction unintentionally lands a job writing for a financial magazine.

10:55pm ...................................... family GuyPeter’s toy company gets bought by the El Dorado cigarette company, and the toys are then used to market cigarettes to children.

11:15pm....................................... family GuyWhen a hurricane strikes Quahog, everything is destroyed, including The Drunken Clam, which is bought by a Brit who turns it into an English pub.

11:40pm ............................... american dad!

6:10am ....................................The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

7:15am .............................Goodnight Sweetheart8:25am .................................Upstairs, Downstairs10:40am ........................................Inspector Morse12:45pm .............................................................Poirot1:55pm ..............................Rosemary and Thyme2:55pm ..................................................................Lewis5:00pm ..................................................................Lewis

7:00pm .................................................. lewisLewis and Hathaway investigate the strange murder of a beautiful young Eastern European woman whose death comes straight from the pages of a popular fantasy novel written by Oxford tutor Dorian Crane.

9:00pm .................................................. lewis11:00pm ............................... Those Who killWhen the badly beaten body of a man is found, Copenhagen Homicide soon connect the murder to a war between Eastern European drug gangs and embed an undercover officer as driver for the gang leader.

8:55am ..................................................... Time Team12:10pm ....................................Butch Cassidy and

the Sundance Kid2:20pm .................................................Four in a Bed3:30pm .................................................Four in a Bed4:05pm .................................................Four in a Bed4:35pm .................................................Four in a Bed5:10pm .............................................. Grand Designs

6:15pm ...................................Grand designs7:20pm ...........kirstie’s Handmade britain8:25pm ........location, location, locationPhil Spencer returns to Sheffield to make a house call on a couple of doctors and to check that a fire-fighter’s dreams haven’t gone up in smoke.

9:35pm ........location, location, locationKirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer revisit two couples in Hastings: jewellery designer Jakki and illustrator Scott; and newlyweds Nicola and Chris, who were after their own piece of prime real estate near the sea.

10:40pm ................................ The land Girls

6:10am ............................Police, Camera, Action!6:35am .......................................The Professionals7:35am .............................................. Quantum Leap8:35am ......................... The Big Match Revisited9:20am .......UEFA Champions League Weekly9:55am ...................................The Upturned Glass11:40am .................................. The Rawhide Years1:30pm .........................................................Rio Bravo4:20pm .........................................................Red RiverEpic western about a cattle drive from Texas to Missouri along the Chisolm Trail. In the aftermath of the devastating Civil War, a hard-bitten Texas cattleman is forced to sell his huge herd.

7:00pm ...................................Whisker Wars7:30pm ...................................Whisker Wars8:00pm ................................... The SweeneyRegan uncovers a plot to ship out gold bullion to the Middle East disguised as weights for an international weight-lifting competition.

9:00pm ................................. Coogan’s bluff11:00pm .............................................. Casino

6:00am ............................................All About Steve8:00am ..................Killer Tomatoes Eat France!10:00am ...........................................................Caprice2:30pm ......................................................Highlander4:30pm ..........................................................True Lies7:00pm ......................................... rushmoreA youthful genius causes chaos in an exclusive private school with his temperamental nature - and things go from bad to worse when he develops a crush on a teacher. A wealthy but miserable businessman strikes up a friendship with the troubled teenager, but when he also falls for the same woman, all-out war is declared.

9:00pm ............................... all about SteveMary Horowitz is an eccentric crossword puzzler who is convinced that a CNN cameraman is the love of her life. She begins to trail him as he travels across the country, in the hope of convincing him that they belong together.

11:00pm .......................................Meet daveMiniature alien humanoids land on Earth in a spaceship that has a human form.

08:00 AM ...................................................The Quest09:30 AM ...................The Man in the Iron Mask11:30 AM .................................................88 Minutes1:30 PM .....................................Meet The Parents3:30 PM ...........................................The Lost WorldThe film is based on the discovery of an earth populated by dinosaurs in the modern world, on a plateau in Mongolia.

6:00 pM .......................Surviving ChristmasDrew Latham is an executive leading an empty, shallow life with only wealth on his side. Facing another lonely Christmas ahead, Drew wants to revisit his old childhood home.

8:00 pM ..............................Miss ConceptionGeorgina is an ambitious young London professional who learns she has only one month left in which to conceive a child. After exhausting all possibilities with her baby-phobic boyfriend.

10:00 pM ...................................... The islandLincoln Six-Echo is a resident of a seemingly Utopian but contained facility in the year 2019. Like all of the inhabitants of this carefully controlled environment.

Tv GUide 23


S U n d a Y6:00am .........................................................Breakfast7:55am .........................................Match of the Day9:00am ...........................The Andrew Marr Show10:00am .....................................The Big Questions11:00am ...........................................Country Tracks12:00pm ...........................................Sunday Politics1:00pm ..................................................Bargain Hunt1:30pm ..................................A Question of Sport2:00pm ................................................F1: Grand PrixJake Humphrey introduces highlights from the Australian Grand Prix.

4:00pm .......................David Walliams’ Big Swim: A Sport Relief Challenge

5:00pm .............................................................. Lifeline5:10pm ............................................Songs of Praise5:45pm .........................................................Land GirlsEsther faces up to her pregnancy and starts to explore her options. Ellen’s history with dashing Dr Channing threatens their blossoming romance and Henry learns the truth about Connie’s past with Danny.

6:35pm ...........................................bbC news6:50pm ............................bbC london news7:00pm ....................................... CountryfileMatt Baker and Julia Bradbury visit the New Forest. Matt finds out how the local ponies are keeping an invasive pond weed in check, and Julia gets to grips with some big machinery to help clear the land for a special conservation project.

8:00pm ........................antiques roadshowFiona Bruce and the experts pay a visit to the grounds of the Yorkshire Museum in York. Family treasures brought before the cameras include a spy camera disguised as a silver box, a quilt that tells a poignant story.

9:00pm ...................... Upstairs, downstairsAs 165 Eaton Place prepares for the Annual Servants’ Ball, Mr Pritchard enjoys a romance with fellow servant Miss Whisset, and starts to wonder if there is more to life than service.

10:00pm .........................................bbC news10:15pm ..........................bbC london news10:25pm .........................War of the WorldsScience fiction remake of the 1953 adaptation of HG Wells’s classic novel about a dock worker’s fight to get his children to safety when merciless aliens attack Earth.

6:00am ................................................Children´s TV6:20am .............................Raa Raa the Noisy Lion6:35am ...........................Driver Dan’s Story Train6:45am ...........................................Pinky Dinky Doo7:00am ...............Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab7:30am ....................................Dennis and Gnasher7:40am ...................The New Scooby-Doo Show8:05am ................................................Paradise Cafe8:30am ..........................................................Wingin’ It8:50am ............................................Deadly 60 Bites9:00am ..........................................Friday Download10:00am ..............Something for the Weekend11:30am ..................Homes Under the Hammer12:30pm ..............................EastEnders Omnibus2:20pm .......................The Taming of the ShrewFranco Zeffirelli’s adaptation of William Shakespeare’s play about love and marriage. Shy Bianca and mean-spirited Katarina, are two daughters of the rich merchant, Baptista.

4:20pm ............................ Escape to the Country5:20pm ............................................................... Flog It!

6:20pm ...............................The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

Movie adaption of Douglas Adams’s cult sci-fi comedy novel. Arthur Dent escapes the destruction of the Earth - to make way for a new galactic hyperspace bypass - with the aid of his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the Hitchhiker’s Guide.

8:00pm ............................................ Top GearJeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May star in a compilation of their finest moments from the last year featuring amazing challenges, spectacular stunts and a small amount of bickering.

9:00pm .................................... Orbit: earth’s extraordinary Journey

This episode covers the March equinox to the end of June. Kate Humble is in the Arctic at a place where spring arrives with a bang.

10:00pm .......................Match of the day 2Colin Murray presents highlights of today’s two Premier League matches which see relegation threatened Wolves host title chasing Manchester United and high-flying Newcastle take on Norwich.

11:00pm .................................f1: Grand prix

6:00am ...............................................................Boblins6:10am ..................................................Fireman Sam6:20am ...............................................Babar and the

Adventures of Badou6:35am .......................................Special Agent Oso7:00am .......................... Olly the Little White Van7:05am .......................... Olly the Little White Van7:10am .......................................................Tati’s Hotel7:25am ...................................................................Monk7:30am .............................Matt Hatter Chronicles7:50am .................................. Fleabag Monkeyface8:05am ..................................................Horrid Henry8:20am ..................................................Horrid Henry8:30am ........................................................Victorious9:00am ...........................................My Phone Genie9:25am .......................................................... ITV News9:30am ........................................FA Cup Highlights10:30am .......................May the Best House Win11:30am ................................Dickinson’s Real Deal12:30pm ..........................ITV News and Weather12:40pm ..................................Murder, She Wrote1:40pm ...........................................................Columbo3:30pm ...............................Fa Cup Sixth Round: Liverpool v Stoke. Adrian Chiles is joined by Roy Keane, Gareth Southgate and Peter Reid for live FA Cup sixth-round action as Liverpool take on Stoke at Anfield.

6:15pm ................................ london Tonight6:30pm .................. iTv news and Weather6:45pm .............planet’s funniest animals7:00pm ..................................dancing on icePhillip Schofield and Christine Bleakley present the semi-final of the ice-dancing competition.

8:30pm ..................... Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Mother’s Day Special. Chris Tarrant presents a special Mother’s Day edition of the game show.

9:30pm ..................................dancing on ice10:00pm ................ iTv news and Weather10:15pm .......................Cops with Cameras11:15pm............................ rugby HighlightsMartin Bayfield presents all the action from the final of the Anglo-Welsh competition.

6:10am ......................................................The Hoobs7:05am ................................The Paralympic Show7:30am ......................Sainsbury’s and Channel 4

Present... 20127:35am .................................................................Sailing8:05am .................................................... Real Stories8:55am ...................Everybody Loves Raymond9:20am ...................Everybody Loves Raymond9:55am ...............................................................Frasier10:30am .............................................................Frasier11:00am ..............................The Big Bang Theory11:30am ..............................The Big Bang Theory12:00pm ............................................ The Simpsons12:35pm ............................................ The Simpsons1:10pm .................................................Four in a Bed1:40pm .................................................Four in a Bed2:10pm .................................................Four in a Bed2:40pm .................................................Four in a Bed3:10pm .................................................Four in a Bed3:40pm ............................................ Deal or No Deal4:40pm ......................................................Time Team5:40pm .................................The Simpsons MovieAmerica’s favourite family make their debut on the big screen in David Silverman’s comedy. When Homer rescues a pig from certain death, little does he realise the full consequences of his action.

7:25pm ...............................Channel 4 news7:55pm ..................................... 4thought.tv8:00pm .................................. The falklands’

Most daring raidThis gripping film tells the humorous yet heroic story of how a crumbling, Cold War-era Vulcan flew the then-longest-range bombing mission in history and how a Second World War vintage bomb changed the outcome of the Falklands War.

9:00pm ..........................................HomelandAfzal Hamid, the lone surviving terrorist from the compound in Afghanistan from where Brody was rescued, has been captured.

10:05pm .....................How to lose friends and alienate people

Arrogant Brit journalist Sidney Young lands his dream magazine job in New York and quickly proceeds to make a total mess of it.

Jake Humphrey intro-duces extended high-lights from this morn-ing’s Australian Grand Prix, the curtain-rais-er for the 2012 For-mula 1 season. With commentary from Ben edwards and Da-vid Coulthard. Red Bull driver Se-bastian Vettel led from start to finish in Mel-

bourne last year and went on to dominate the title race. But the German is likely to face much stronger opposi-tion this year, as he bids for a third consecutive world crown. His chief rivals are likely to include 2011 runner-up Jenson But-ton and Lewis Hamilton, who is aiming to get

back to form after an up and down campaign last year. Meanwhile, Ferrari are desperate to make amends for a poor 2011, when they won just one race - and will be hoping their new car will give Fernando Alonso the edge in what is sure to be another compelling Formula 1 season.

F1: Australian Grand Prix HighlightsBBC1 - 2:00 - 4:00 pm

editor Recommends

Tv GUide24


1 8 T H M a r C H6:00am ................................................Children´s TV8:30am ........................................Angelina Ballerina8:45am ................................................... Rupert Bear9:00am ............Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom9:15am ........................................The Mr Men Show9:25am ...........................................Bert and Ernie’s

Great Adventures9:30am ................................ Roary the Racing Car9:45am .................................Mist: Sheepdog Tales10:00am ......................................... Grey’s Anatomy10:55am ...................Stansted: The Inside Story11:55am ........................................Cowboy Builders12:50pm .............................................Brave Warrior2:20pm ............Stuart Little 3: Call of the Wild3:50pm ........................................The Tigger Movie5:15pm ..............................................................5 News5:20pm ................................ The Legend of Zorro

7:45pm ...............................................i, robot10:00pm ..............................................rambo11:40pm ......Ultimate police interceptors

6:00am ....................................................... Gossip Girl6:45am ................................ Emmerdale Omnibus9:35am ..................Coronation Street Omnibus12:00pm ................................Winners and Losers1:00pm ......................................The Biggest Loser2:00pm ....................................Harry Hill’s TV Burp2:30pm ........................Totally Bonkers Guinness

World Records3:00pm ........................Britain’s Got More Talent5:00pm ...........................The Neverending Story

6:55pm ................................................flipperRemake of the classic 1960s family adventure in which a city boy spending the summer with his uncle in Florida befriends a tame dolphin.

9:00pm .......................................... benidorm10:00pm ......................Miss Congeniality 2:

armed and fabulousAction comedy sequel. FBI agent Gracie Hart has maintained her glamorous makeover, and is about to embark on a promotional tour around the country, along with her unimpressed bodyguard Sam.

7:00pm ...........The Secrets of everythingIf a penny falls off the top of the Empire State Building and hits someone on the pavement, will it kill them?

7:30pm .........let’s dance for Sport relief9:00pm ....................................being HumanTensions run high when Cutler takes Tom firmly under his wing. Annie travels into purgatory to see what the future holds and Hal finds his wicked past catching up with him.

10:00pm .......................don’t Tell the brideThe pressure is on for south Londoner James, who has three weeks and 12,000 pounds to plan a romantic wedding for his east London bride Daisy.

11:00pm ........................................ pramfaceJamie’s and Laura’s parents meet for lunch to discuss the future of their families. Laura and Jamie are rightly apprehensive about a family summit, but even they couldn’t have foreseen how badly it would go.

11:30pm ...................................... family Guy11:50pm ...................................... family Guy

6:00am ....................................The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

7:00am .........................................Carry on Cowboy9:00am .......................................................Heartbeat10:00am .....................................................Heartbeat11:00am ................................................................Lewis1:00pm ..................................................................Lewis3:00pm ..................................................................Lewis5:00pm ..................................................................Lewis

7:00pm .................................................. lewisA rape case appears to be solved when the chief suspect is murdered. But nothing is what it seems, and soon Lewis and Hathaway find the upper echelons of Oxford society closing ranks.

9:00pm .................................................. lewisWhen an old friend of Hathaway’s commits suicide, Lewis investigates a link between him and a religious group known as The Garden, who he suspects are brainwashing their congregation.

11:00pm ............................................ Cracker

8:55am ................................Scrapheap Challenge11:05am .................................My Place in the Sun11:40am ..............................The Restoration Man1:55pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals2:30pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals3:05pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals3:35pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals4:10pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals4:40pm ...................................Come Dine with Me5:10pm ...................................Come Dine with Me5:45pm ...................................Come Dine with Me

6:15pm ......................... Come dine with Me6:50pm ........................ Come dine with Me7:20pm ............................The Tv book Club7:55pm ............................. baking Mad with

eric lanlard9:00pm ...................................river Cottage

Spring Collection10:05pm .......Heston’s Mission impossible11:05pm ........................... baking Mad with

eric lanlard

6:00am ..............World’s Wildest Police Videos6:40am ................................................ The Sweeney7:35am .............................................Tommy Cooper8:40am .................................Border Security USA9:35am ..............World’s Wildest Police Videos10:25am .................................The Upturned Glass12:10pm .........................................Field of Dreams2:20pm .........................................................Red River5:00pm ......................................................The AlamoStar-studded saga of the 1836 defence of the Alamo, when a 187-strong garrison including William Travis and Jim Bowie fought to save Texas from Santa Anna’s Mexican army for 13 days.

8:00pm .............................rugby Highlights9:00pm ..........................................The GameNicholas Van Orton, a selfish, self-obsessed investment banker, is presented him with an unusual present from his younger brother- a gift certificate from a specialised company claiming to devise devilish games for its wealthy clients.

11:35pm .................... a Clockwork Orange

6:00am ..............................................Fantastic Four8:00am ....................................That Thing You Do!10:00am .................................The Tomorrow Man11:30am ...............................................Generation X1:00pm .......The Death of the Incredible Hulk3:00pm ..........................................Damnation Alley5:00pm ...................................................Enemy Mine7:00pm ................................. fantastic fourWhen a group of astronauts are exposed to cosmic rays they each develop special powers. However, one of them decides to use his new-found strength for his own nefarious ends, leaving the others to join forces and stop him.

9:30pm ................................ fantastic four: rise of the Silver Surfer

The super-powered team return for a second adventure, this time facing a mysterious alien sent to prepare the Earth for obliteration at the hands of his planet-eating master. But while the quartet of heroes try to find a way to stop the enigmatic extraterrestrial’s path of destruction, an old enemy returns intent on seizing the creature’s power for himself.

11:30pm .................X-Men: The last Stand

07:25 AM ..................................................Watchmen10:30 AM ........................................................The Net12:30 PM ......................................Miss Conception2:15 PM .................................Surviving Christmas3:45 PM ...................................................... The IslandLincoln Six-Echo is a resident of a seemingly Utopian but contained facility in the year 2019. Like all of the inhabitants of this carefully controlled environment.

6:00 pM .................................... U.S. MarshalsU.S. Marshal Sam Gerard is accompanying a planeload of convicts from Chicago to New York. The plane crashes spectacularly, and Mark Sheridan escapes.

8:00 pM .......................... national TreasureThe brilliant Benjamin Franklin Gates (Cage) has spent his life searching for a treasure that no one believed existed. His journey leads him to the last place anyone would think to look for a treasure.

10:00 pM ..................................... Max payneThree years ago, NYPD detective Max Payne’s wife and baby were murdered. Max gets himself transferred to the cold case office where he can continue searching for the killer who got away.

Mother’s Day Special: Joining Chris Tarrant for a special Mother’s Day edition of Britain’s most popular game show will be an all-star line-up of celebrities and their mothers who will play LiVe against the clock, in an attempt to win mon-ey for their favourite charities. And there’s a further sur-prise in store… not only will

the celebrities be playing to win money for charity, they will also be playing for the audience at home. The money the celeb-rity pair wins will be shared 50/50 between the charity… and a lucky viewer! During the show a phone number and the website for the free route of entry will appear on the TV screen. Viewers will then have a set amount of time to phone in

and at the end of the show one viewer will be randomly selected. They will be put through to the studio where Chris Tarrant will ask them one question. They must answer within a set amount of time. Get it right and they win the cash. Get it wrong and the chance passes to the next viewer on the line, until someone answers correctly.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?iTV1 - 8:30 - 9:00 pm

Tv GUide 25


M O n d a Y6:00am .........................................................Breakfast9:15am ............................. Crime and Punishment10:00am ..................Homes Under the Hammer11:00am ...................... The Sheriffs are Coming11:45am ........................................Cash in the Attic12:15pm ................................................Bargain Hunt1:00pm ........................................ BBC News at One1:45pm .............................................................Doctors2:15pm ............................ Escape to the Country3:00pm ........................................................ BBC News3:05pm ............................... I Want My Own Room3:35pm ............................................. Lockie Leonard4:00pm ...................Sport Relief Does Glee Club4:30pm ............................Helen’s Polar Challenge

for Sport Relief5:00pm .................................Behind Closed Doors5:15pm ...........................................................Pointless

6:00pm ............................... bbC news at Six6:30pm ............................bbC london news7:00pm .................................. The One Show7:30pm ................... bang Goes the Theory8:00pm ........................................eastendersAndrew presents Heather with a radical proposition for their big day - but will she take him up on his offer? When a desperate Ben confronts Heather about Marsden’s threat, a terrible fight ensues, with devastating consequences.

8:30pm ..........................................panoramaBritain’s Crimes of Honour. Thousands of crimes in Britain are going unreported: beatings, imprisonment - even murder -committed by those closest to the victims, their families.

9:00pm ................................................empireJeremy Paxman continues his personal account of Britain’s empire, looking at how the empire began as a pirates’ treasure hunt, grew into an informal empire based on trade and developed into a global financial network.

10:00pm ............................bbC news at Ten10:25pm ..........................bbC london news10:35pm ..................... a Question of Sport11:05pm .................................Our economy:

The london news debate11:45pm .......... The Graham norton Show

6:00am ................................................Children´s TV6:50am ...........................................Pinky Dinky Doo7:00am .....................................................................Roar7:30am ........................ The League of Super Evil7:45am ............................................................. Eliot Kid7:55am ......................................................Newsround8:00am ..................................Bear Behaving Badly8:25am .........................................Shaun the Sheep8:30am ....................................................Alphablocks8:35am ..............................................................Abadas8:45am ....................................................... Poetry Pie8:50am ...................................................Lulu Zipadoo9:05am .........................................Tinga Tinga Tales9:20am ...........................Driver Dan’s Story Train9:30am ............................................Guess with Jess9:40am ..........................Andy’s Wild Adventures9:55am ...................................................Tree Fu Tom10:15am ......................................Zingzillas Zingbop10:25am ..................Chuggington: Badge Quest10:30am .......................................Mama Mirabelle’s

Home Movies10:40am .......................................................Waybuloo11:00am ................................. In the Night Garden11:30am ........................................ BBC World News12:00pm .......................................The Daily Politics1:00pm ...........................................My Life in Books1:30pm .....................................Living Dangerously2:15pm ........................................The Weakest Link3:00pm .......................................Helicopter Heroes3:45pm ............................Flog It! Ten of the Best4:30pm .......................................................Breakaway5:15pm .....................................Antiques Road Trip

6:00pm ...........................................eggheads6:30pm .................................... britain’s first

photo album7:00pm ..................... University Challenge:

The Story So far8:00pm ...................... University Challenge8:30pm ................ The little paris kitchen:

Cooking with rachel khoo9:00pm ............................................The Tube10:00pm .........................Watson and Oliver10:30pm .......................................newsnight11:20pm .................................Starter for 10

6:00am ..........................................................Daybreak8:30am ............................................................Lorraine9:25am .............................The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30am ................................................This Morning11:25am ........................................................ ITV News11:30am ................................................This Morning12:30pm ............................................Loose Women1:30pm .............................ITV News and Weather2:00pm ..................................Dickinson’s Real Deal3:00pm ................... The Alan Titchmarsh Show4:00pm .....................................Midsomer MurdersA family feud dating back to WWI comes to a head after the unveiling of a war memorial in Midsomer Parva, when a retired colonel is found dead.

5:00pm .......................................................The Chase

6:00pm ............................... london Tonight6:30pm .................. iTv news and Weather7:00pm ....................................... emmerdaleSandy is left shaken when Ashley takes his house keys away. Adam struggles to cope under the mounting pressure.

7:30pm ...........................Coronation StreetHow far will Frank’s killer go to protect his or her identity? Stella points the finger when money goes missing but the culprit may be closer to home.

8:00pm ...........................................The dalesAdrian Edmondson travels to Middleham, the racehorse capital of the north, and meets trainer Simon West, who runs Castle Stables.

8:30pm ...........................Coronation StreetSally is left fighting for her life. Carla demands the truth - but will it cost her dearly? The tables have turned for Tina and Tommy.

9:00pm .............................. Scott and baileyThe team finally break down the wall of silence maintained by their four murder suspects and uncover the shockingly banal truth behind the killings.

10:00pm ........iTv news at Ten & Weather10:35pm .................................... The agenda11:05pm .............................Mayday MaydayIn this episode, a man enjoying a clifftop walk loses his footing and slips 100ft on to the rocks below.

11:35pm ......... piers Morgan’s life Stories

6:20am ...................................................... The Hoobs7:10am .........................................Freshly Squeezed7:40am ..........................................According to Jim8:10am ...............................................................Frasier9:00am ...............................Undercover Boss USA10:00am ............................The Renovation Game11:00am ....................... You Deserve This House12:00pm ..................Channel 4 News Summary12:05pm .............Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard12:35pm .....................How to Cook Like Heston1:10pm ....................................River Cottage Bites1:20pm .................................................The 39 Steps3:10pm .................................................... Countdown4:00pm .............................................Deal or No Deal5:00pm ....................................Come Dine with Me5:30pm .................................................Four in a Bed

6:00pm ...................................The SimpsonsWhen a frozen mailman is thawed out and an old letter arrives, Homer realises Grampa may not be his dad after all.

6:30pm ........................................... HollyoaksCarmel’s christening plans are thrown into question when Myra finds out that Mercedes isn’t invited and begs Riley to change his mind.

7:00pm ............................... Channel 4 news7:55pm ......................................4thought.tv8:00pm ......... China: Triumph and TurmoilIn the second programme of the series, Niall Ferguson asks how the most populous nation on the planet manages to live under a Communist system of government but with a thriving capitalist economy.

9:00pm ......................embarrassing bodiesFor the first time Dr Christian hits the party island of Ibiza, tackling the issues of too much sun, sea and sex, pitching up a clinic on the beach for clubbers in need, and offering on the spot STI tests for Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea.

10:00pm .......................... ramsay’s kitchen nightmares USa

This week’s explosive opening episode finds Gordon in Plainfield, New Jersey, trying to save a floundering soul food restaurant called Blackberry’s.

11:00pm ........................................Homeland

This special nine-week Blue Peter series fol-lows Helen Skelton, the toughest girl on TV, as she sets out to com-plete a grueling 500 mile challenge to the South Pole for Sport Re-lief 2012. To reach the South Pole, the daredevil presenter must travel for up to 14 hours a day across the coldest and windiest places

on earth, battling ferocious 80mph winds and tempera-tures as low as minus 50 degrees Celcius. Helen will be travelling by kite, by ski, and – in a world first – by bike, to raise awareness for Sport Relief and this special Blue Peter series follows her progress. In the final episode of the series, Helen looks back at her incredible journey, tak-ing us behind the scenes

to show how Helen’s Polar Challenge for Sport Relief was made in Antarctica. Viewers find out what it’s like to film in temperatures of minus 50 and what ex-actly makes her specially built ice bike work so well on the snow. Helen and her team-mate Niklas also relive some of the best and worst mo-ments of their amazing trip.

Helen’s Polar Challenge For Sport Relief

BBC1 - 4:30 - 5:00 pmeditor Recommends

Tv GUide26


1 9 T H M a r C H6:00am ................................................Children´s TV8:30am ................................ Roary the Racing Car8:45am ...................................Bananas in Pyjamas9:00am ..............................................Hana’s Helpline9:15am .........................................The Wright Stuff11:10am .........................................LIVE with Gabby12:10pm ....................................5 News Lunchtime12:15pm .....................................Emergency Bikers1:15pm ...........................................Home and Away1:45pm .....................................................Neighbours2:15pm ................................................The Mentalist3:10pm .................................................After the Fall5:00pm ....................................................5 News at 55:30pm .....................................................Neighbours

6:00pm ...............................Home and away6:30pm ............................................... 5 news7:00pm ........... Stansted: The inside Story8:00pm ........Ultimate police interceptors9:00pm ..........................executive decision11:35pm ........................................... derailed

6:00am ......................................Coronation Street6:25am ......................................Coronation Street6:50am .....................................................Emmerdale7:15am ................................................Loose Women8:10am .................................................... Judge Judy9:25am ................................The Real Housewives

of Orange County10:30am .................................................. Judge Judy12:00pm ...................................Coronation Street12:30pm ...................................Coronation Street1:00pm .....................................................Emmerdale1:30pm ............................ The Jeremy Kyle Show2:35pm ............................ The Jeremy Kyle Show3:40pm ................................The Real Housewives


7:00pm ...........................The biggest loser8:00pm ......................................... Gossip Girl9:00pm ......................The devil’s advocate11:50pm ...............................Celebrity Juice

7:00pm ................................The real HustleEx-Coronation Street star Lucien Laviscount takes on a new role as guest Hustler when he joins the team for a devious con based in the antiques world.

7:30pm ....................World’s Craziest fools8:00pm .........................don’t Tell the brideNathan and Nicky. Only the bravest brides would let their groom organise the biggest day of their life, by himself. The grooms get 12,000 pounds and the brides get no say in how it is spent.

9:00pm ............... The anti-Social networkBroadcaster Richard Bacon has been targeted by an obsessive tirade of anonymous online abuse over the last two years, aimed not just at him but at his wife, motheR and Baby son.

10:00pm ..................................... eastenders10:30pm .................... little britain abroadChristmas special of the award-winning sketch show starring David Walliams and Matt Lucas.

11:00pm ...................................... family Guy11:45pm ................................ american dad

6:00am .......................................................Heartbeat6:55am .................. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman8:00am ....................................The Adventures of

Sherlock Holmes9:10am .................................................On the Buses9:45am .................................Upstairs, Downstairs10:50am ........................................Inspector Morse1:00pm .......................................................Heartbeat2:05pm .................................... Murder, She Wrote3:10pm .................. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman4:10pm ...............................Daily Cooks Challenge5:15pm ...................................George and Mildred5:45pm .......................................................Heartbeat

6:55pm ......................... Murder, She WroteAn airport accident puts Jessica in hospital with a fractured leg, but nothing can hold back the crime writer’s instincts when a murder is committed.

8:00pm ....................rosemary and Thyme9:00pm ............................The Seasons with

alan Titchmarsh10:00pm ...........................a Touch of frost

8:55am ............................................Deal or No Deal9:55am ......................How Clean is Your House?10:30am .........Help! My House is Falling Down11:40am ............ Quick Bakes with Eric Lanlard11:55am ...........................Thunder Over Arizona1:25pm .............................................. Grand Designs2:30pm ...................................Come Dine with Me3:05pm ...................................................... Coach Trip3:35pm .................................................Four in a Bed4:10pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals4:40pm .....................................A Place in the Sun:


6:50pm ........................ Come dine with Me7:55pm .......... phil Spencer: Secret agent9:00pm ..................................Grand designs10:00pm ..............Grand designs australia11:10pm .............................. The daily Show

Global edition11:40pm ...........How Clean is Your House?

6:00am ............................................................Film File6:10am .......................................The Professionals7:00am ............................................................. Batman7:55am ...............World’s Wildest Police Videos8:50am ...................................................The Fall Guy9:50am ............................................. Quantum Leap10:50am .....................................The Professionals11:55am .......................................................The Saint12:55pm ........... World’s Wildest Police Videos1:50pm ............................................. Quantum Leap2:50pm ...................................................The Fall Guy3:55pm ............................................................ Batman4:20pm ............................................................ Batman4:55pm .......................................The Professionals

6:00pm .............................rugby Highlights7:00pm ............................. kings of the kop8:00pm ...................................Whisker Wars8:30pm ...................................Whisker Wars9:00pm .........................Cops with Cameras10:00pm .................... a Clockwork Orange

6:30am ..............................Life After Film School Walton Goggins

7:00am ........................................................The Abyss10:00am ..............................................Two of a Kind11:30am .....................................Moving Violations1:00pm .................................The Beverly Hillbillies3:00pm .................................. Young Frankenstein5:00pm .....................Robin Hood: Men in Tights

7:00pm ...................... Jane austen’s Mafia!An Italian immigrant gradually takes over a powerful crime cartel in America, working his way up the chain of command by any means necessary. Joyfully silly gangster spoof from the makers of the Naked Gun films

9:00pm ......................................... rushmoreA youthful genius causes chaos in an exclusive private school with his temperamental nature - and things go from bad to worse when he develops a crush on a teacher. A wealthy but miserable businessman strikes up a friendship with the troubled teenager, but when he also falls for the same woman, all-out war is declared.

08:00 AM ......................The General’s Daughter10:00 AM ............................................Mars Attacks!11:45 AM ...................................National Treasure2:00 PM .................................................U.S. Marshals4:00 PM .....................................................Max PayneThree years ago, NYPD detective Max Payne’s wife and baby were murdered. Max gets himself transferred to the cold case office where he can continue searching for the killer who got away.

6:00 pM ...................................Terminator 3: rise of the Machines

On the verge of Judgement Day, the most advanced Terminator unit ever, the T-X, arrives from the future to ensure the rise of the machines.

8:00 pM ......................................last HolidayAfter she’s diagnosed with a terminal illness, a shy woman decides to take a European vacation.

10:00 pM .........The Taking of pelham 123In early afternoon, four armed men hijack a subway train in Manhattan. They stop on a slight incline, decoupling the first car to let the rest of the train coast back.

Tv GUide 27

A new york City subway dispatcher draws on his extensive knowledge of the subway system in order to outsmart a dangerous criminal mastermind who’s hi-jacked a subway train in this remake of the 1974 thriller inspired by John Godey’s best-selling book. Walter Garber (Denzel

Washington) is drifting through his daily routine when he receives word that a heavily armed gang of four has hijacked a sub-way train and is holding all of the passengers hostage. Led by cunning master thief Ryder (John Travolta), the gunmen will begin ex-ecuting everyone aboard should the authorities fail in delivering ten million dol-

lars in the space of just one hour. With the tension in the tunnels rising, Walter races to save the hostages before the shootings start. But through it all, there’s one part of Ryder’s plan that Walter can’t quite comprehend: even if the thieves do succeed in get-ting their money, how could they possibly get out of the tunnels undetected?

The Taking of Pelham 123MBC2 - 10:00 pm

editor Recommends


T U e S d a Y6:00am .........................................................Breakfast9:15am ............................. Crime and Punishment10:00am ..................Homes Under the Hammer10:30am ....................The Queen’s Jubilee Loyal

Address to Parliament11:30am ........................................Cash in the Attic12:15pm ................................................Bargain Hunt1:00pm ........................................ BBC News at One1:30pm .......................................BBC London News1:45pm .............................................................Doctors2:15pm ............................ Escape to the Country3:00pm ........................................................ BBC News3:05pm ............................... I Want My Own Room3:35pm ............................................. Lockie Leonard4:00pm ...................Sport Relief Does Glee Club4:30pm .......................................................... Pixelface5:00pm .....................................................Newsround5:15pm ...........................................................Pointless

6:00pm ............................... bbC news at Six6:30pm ............................bbC london news7:00pm .................................. The One Show7:30pm ........................................eastendersPhil, Ben and Jay attempt to hide their true emotions during Phil’s welcome home dinner, knowing they must keep their monstrous secret concealed - but will Shirley realise something is wrong?

8:00pm ..........................................Holby CityA desperate Elliot is forced to take drastic action when hospital equipment he wants to send to his medical friends in the Ukraine is scheduled to be thrown away.

9:00pm ...................................... CrimewatchNew presenter Martin Bayfield joins Crimewatch for his first show. The 6’10’ former policeman and England rugby international spent several years in the Metropolitan and Bedfordshire forces, leaving to play rugby union full time when it turned professional.

10:00pm ............................bbC news at Ten10:25pm ..........................bbC london news10:35pm ..................... Crimewatch Update10:40pm ..........rita Simons: My daughter,

deafness and Me11:35pm ............................... film 2012 with

Claudia Winkleman

6:10am .........................................................Lunar Jim6:20am .............................Raa Raa the Noisy Lion6:35am .......................................................Octonauts6:45am ...............................................................Dipdap6:50am ...........................................Pinky Dinky Doo7:00am .....................................................................Roar7:30am ........................ The League of Super Evil7:45am ............................................................. Eliot Kid7:55am ......................................................Newsround8:00am ..................................Bear Behaving Badly8:25am .........................................Shaun the Sheep8:30am ....................................................Alphablocks8:35am ..............................................................Abadas8:45am ....................................................... Poetry Pie8:50am ...................................................Lulu Zipadoo9:05am .........................................Tinga Tinga Tales9:20am ...........................Driver Dan’s Story Train9:30am ............................................Guess with Jess9:40am ..........................Andy’s Wild Adventures9:55am ...................................................Tree Fu Tom10:15am ......................................Zingzillas Zingbop10:25am ..................Chuggington: Badge Quest10:30am .......................................Mama Mirabelle’s

Home Movies10:40am .......................................................Waybuloo11:00am ................................. In the Night Garden11:30am ........................................ BBC World News12:00pm .......................................The Daily Politics1:00pm ...........................................My Life in Books1:30pm .....................................Living Dangerously2:15pm ........................................The Weakest Link3:00pm .......................................Helicopter Heroes3:45pm ............................Flog It! Ten of the Best4:30pm .......................................................Breakaway5:15pm .....................................Antiques Road Trip

6:00pm ...........................................eggheads6:30pm .......... britain’s first photo album7:00pm ...................................rugged Wales8:00pm .................. Hairy bikers’ bakeation9:00pm ...............................................Horizon10:00pm ..........never Mind the buzzcocks10:30pm .......................................newsnight11:20pm .............are You Having a laugh?

6:00am ..........................................................Daybreak8:30am ............................................................Lorraine9:25am .............................The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30am ................................................This Morning11:25am ........................................................ ITV News11:30am ................................................This Morning12:30pm ............................................Loose Women1:30pm .............................ITV News and Weather2:00pm ..................................Dickinson’s Real Deal3:00pm ................... The Alan Titchmarsh Show4:00pm .....................................Midsomer Murders5:00pm .......................................................The Chase

6:00pm ............................... london Tonight6:30pm .................. iTv news and Weather7:00pm ....................................... emmerdaleAfraid that rumours are starting to spread, Ashley sacks Rachel. Megan defies Declan and approaches the Sharmas for investment.

7:30pm ......................Countrywise kitchenPaul Heiney and chef Mike Robinson continue their culinary tour of Britain as they visit the New Forest in search of some local delicacies.

8:00pm ..............................Homes from HellFeaturing the stories of the couple who bought a tranquil horse sanctuary in Portugal only to discover that it was about to be turned into a motorway traffic island, the feud between neighbours in Somerset which deprived one family’s home of its beautiful countryside views.

9:00pm ................return to The falklandsTo mark 30 years since the Falklands War, this documentary follows three men back to the islands. For veteran Simon Weston, the journey is an opportunity to experience some of the stunning wildlife on Sea Lion Island.

10:00pm ........iTv news at Ten & Weather10:35pm .........................................benidormThe Garveys are alarmed by rumours of a gang kidnapping the unwary and stealing their organs so, when Michael sees a tall dark stranger bundling Madge into a car, they are convinced she is a victim.

11:35pm ............................. ladette to ladyThis week, they are invited to attend the Trumpet Motor Rally, but there are limited tickets available so places must be earned.

6:00am ....................................The Treacle People6:10am ......................................................The Hoobs7:00am ........................................ Freshly Squeezed7:30am ..........................................According to Jim7:55am ....................Everybody Loves Raymond8:25am ...............................................................Frasier9:00am ...............................Undercover Boss USA10:00am ............................The Renovation Game11:00am ....................... You Deserve This House12:05pm ............ Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard12:35pm .................... How to Cook Like Heston1:05pm ..........................D-Day the Sixth of June3:10pm ....................................................Countdown4:00pm ............................................ Deal or No Deal5:00pm ................................... Come Dine with Me5:30pm .................................................Four in a Bed

6:00pm ...................................The Simpsons6:30pm ...........................................HollyoaksMercedes can’t forgive her family for their betrayal and feels more alone than ever. Riley’s nervous as he prepares for the mediation session with Mercedes but when she fails to turn up he worries that he may have pushed her too far.

7:00pm ...............................Channel 4 news7:55pm ..................................... 4thought.tv8:00pm ............... Supersize v SuperskinnySnackaholic Geoff Milton meets sweet-toothed meal skipper Josh Bryson in the Feeding Clinic. Forty-nine-year old Geoff cannot understand why he’s 30 stone 12lbs and thinks snacking on sandwiches, on top of his three main meals, is a healthy non-excessive diet.

9:00pm ................big fat Gypsy WeddingsThis episode finds a community at a crossroads, as the battle to preserve the gypsy and traveller way of life intensifies. Seventeen-year-old Irish traveller Freda has grown up happily alongside non-travellers. But now she’s about to be married, and she feels strongly about returning to her traveller roots.

10:00pm ..........................Hit the road Jack10:35pm ......... Sean lock: lockipedia live11:40pm ..................................random acts11:45pm ................desperate Housewives

eastenders actress Rita Simons (Roxy Mitchell) has six-year-old twin daughters, Maiya and Jaimee. Maiya was diagnosed with hearing loss at six months old and Rita and husband Theo have been told that one day she will probably lose her hearing completely. This deeply personal documentary follows Rita

and her family as they make life-changing deci-sions for Maiya’s future. Do they embrace the Deaf world, learn to sign and send her to a special-ist school, or try to give her hearing with technol-ogy, implants and artificial sound? The choices that lie ahead for Rita and her family are vast and com-plex.

Along the journey, Rita meets a hearing mother with a deaf daughter who has embraced the Deaf Community, watches a young boy have his Coch-lear Implant turned on for the first time and engag-es with a group of people who are strong support-ers of their Deaf Culture. Rita also experiences first-hand what it is like to be deaf in a hearing world.

Rita Simons: My Daughter, Deafness And Me

BBC1 - 10:40 - 11:35 pmeditor Recommends

Tv GUide28


2 0 T H M a r C H6:00am ................................................Children´s TV9:15am .........................................The Wright Stuff11:05am .....................................................High Noon11:10am .........................................LIVE with Gabby12:15pm .....................................Emergency Bikers1:15pm ...........................................Home and Away1:45pm .....................................................Neighbours2:15pm ...............................................................CSI: NY5:00pm ....................................................5 News at 55:30pm .....................................................Neighbours

6:00pm ...............................Home and away6:30pm ............................................... 5 news7:00pm ..................................eddie Stobart:

Trucks and Trailers8:00pm ............................................ revealed9:00pm .............................. CSi: Crime Scene

investigation10:00pm .............................................. CSi: nY11:00pm ........................................ CSi: Miami11:55pm ............................ CSi: Crime Scene

investigation

6:00am ......................................Coronation Street6:50am .....................................................Emmerdale7:15am ................................................Loose Women8:10am .................................................... Judge Judy9:25am ................................The Real Housewives

of Orange County10:30am .................................................. Judge Judy12:00pm ...................................Coronation Street1:00pm .....................................................Emmerdale1:30pm ............................ The Jeremy Kyle Show3:40pm ................................The Real Housewives


7:30pm ..................... You’ve been framed!8:00pm ................................Totally bonkers

Guinness World records8:30pm .........................Harry Hill’s Tv burp9:00pm ....................... The vampire diaries10:00pm ................. perez Hilton Superfan11:00pm ......................Winners and losers

7:00pm ..................................Total WipeoutIn this series the obstacles have been made biggeR and Brasher than ever, ensuring biggeR and Brasher bumps, crunches, smashes and splashes.

8:00pm .........................don’t Tell the brideWelsh indie muso Hwyel has a whole lotta love for his bride-to-be Beca. After just eleven months together he proposed at a Blur gig.

9:00pm ............. Stand Up for Sport reliefHosted by Claudia Winkleman, sports stars including Ashes-winning cricketer Michael Vaughan, World Cup-winning rugby player Ben Cohen and BBC sports broadcaster and former Commonwealth gymnast Gabby Logan perform a three-minute comedy set based on their sporting life in front of a live audience.

10:00pm ..................................... eastenders

10:30pm ........................................ pramface

11:00pm ...................................... family Guy

11:20pm ...................................... family Guy

11:45pm ............................... american dad!


Sherlock Holmes9:10am ...................................George and Mildred9:45am .................................Upstairs, Downstairs10:50am ........................................Inspector Morse1:00pm .......................................................Heartbeat2:05pm .................................... Murder, She Wrote3:10pm .................. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman4:10pm ...............................Daily Cooks Challenge5:10pm ...................................George and Mildred5:45pm .......................................................Heartbeat6:55pm ......................... Murder, She WroteJessica is off to Palm Springs for a happy reunion with her old college roommate, but the trip is marred by the death of her friend’s superstar husband.

8:00pm .............................................Wycliffe9:00pm ..............................................Taggart10:00pm ....................Trial and retribution11:35pm .........................................nUMb3rS

8:55am ............................................Deal or No Deal9:55am ......................How Clean is Your House?10:30am .........Help! My House is Falling Down11:35am ....................................The Day Will Dawn1:30pm .............................................. Grand Designs2:35pm ...................................Come Dine with Me3:05pm ...................................................... Coach Trip3:35pm .................................................Four in a Bed4:10pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals4:40pm .....................................A Place in the Sun:


6:50pm ........................ Come dine with Me7:55pm .......... phil Spencer: Secret agentPhil Spencer continues his mission to get Britain moving again, helping shift properties stuck in the housing quagmire.

9:00pm ..................... The restoration Man10:05pm .......One born every Minute USa11:05pm ...............................The Good Wife12:00am ......................................... The big C

6:00am ............................................................Film File6:10am .......................................The Professionals7:00am ............................................................. Batman7:25am ............................................................. Batman7:50am ............................................................... Minder8:50am ...................................................The Fall Guy9:50am ............................................. Quantum Leap10:50am .....................................The Professionals11:50am ............................................................ Minder12:50pm ........... World’s Wildest Police Videos1:50pm ............................................. Quantum Leap2:50pm ...................................................The Fall Guy3:50pm ............................................................ Batman4:20pm ............................................................ Batman4:55pm .......................................The Professionals

6:00pm .................................Quantum leap7:00pm .....deadliest Season in the World8:00pm ................................rookie builders9:00pm ..........................................Tightrope11:20pm ....... The last House on the left

7:00am ........................Robin Hood: Men in Tight8:50am .......................................................Surf Party10:00am .................................................The Bowery1:30am ...........................................Love Me Tender1:00pm ................................................ Bye Bye Love3:00pm .......................................................... Dreamer5:00pm ..............................................Breaking Away

7:00pm ............................finding forresterReclusive writer Sean Connery befriends a gifted student and tries to help him in his struggle for acceptance at an exclusive school. However, events take an unexpected turn when the youngster is accused of plagiarism by an embittered professor - and he’s forced to rely on his friend to help prove his innocence.

9:39pm ...................................fXM presents10:00pm ...........................final destinationA teenager’s grim premonition saves his schoolmates from dying in a plane crash but, despite their narrow escape, the vengeful spirit of death refuses to be outwitted and the survivors fall victim to a series of bizarre mishaps.

08:00 AM .................The Taking of Pelham 12310:00 AM ...............................................Mr. Nice Guy12:00 PM ................................................Last Holiday2:00 PM ...............................................Terminator 3:

Rise of the Machines4:00 PM ....................The Taking of Pelham 123

6:00 pM .............................after the SunsetThis film is about a couple of retired jewel thieves and an FBI agent who is destined to catch them. While beginning their retirement, Max Burdett and Lola Cirillo are met by FBI agent Stanley Lloyd.

8:00 pM .......................Twilight: The eclipseBella once again finds herself surrounded by danger as Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge.

10:00 pM ...............The bourne UltimatumBourne is once again brought out of hiding, this time inadvertently by London-based reporter Simon Ross who is trying to unveil Operation Blackbriar--an upgrade to Project Treadstone.

in this new one-off 60-minute documentary marking 30 years since the Falklands War, three men return to embark on journeys of discovery about themselves, the is-lands and the Argentine-an soldiers they faced. Through their stories, Return To The Falklands ex-plores the human side of war and the captivating beauty of the Falkland Islands. And

how the men who fought and reported there have changed – like the islands - in the last three decades. For veteran Simon Weston it is an opportunity to see parts of the Falklands he has never visited before and ex-perience some of the stun-ning wildlife on the beauti-ful Sea Lion Island. It is also a moment to reflect on the severe injuries he suffered and the friends he lost when

his ship was torpedoed in 1982. “The Falklands holds a very bittersweet place in my heart because it changed my life and without it, a lot of the great things and the good things that have hap-pened in my life would never have happened.” He visits Fitzroy Bay, where his ship the Sir Galahad was bombed, killing many of his fellow seamen.

Return to the FalklandsiTV1 - 9:00 - 10:00 pm

editor Recommends

Tv GUide 29


Tv GUide30W e d n e S d a Y6:00am .........................................................Breakfast9:15am ............................. Crime and Punishment10:00am ..................Homes Under the Hammer11:00am ...................... The Sheriffs are Coming11:45am ........................................Cash in the Attic12:15pm ................................................Bargain Hunt1:00pm ........................................ BBC News at One1:30pm .......................................BBC London News1:45pm .............................................................Doctors2:15pm ............................ Escape to the Country3:00pm ........................................................ BBC News3:05pm ............................... I Want My Own Room3:35pm ............................................. Lockie Leonard4:00pm ...................Sport Relief Does Glee Club4:30pm ..............................................................My Life5:00pm .....................................................Newsround5:15pm ...........................................................Pointless

6:00pm ............................... bbC news at Six6:30pm ............................bbC london news7:00pm .................................. The One Show7:30pm ........................................eastendersA distraught Shirley begins to unravel when questioned by Detective Crisp about Heather’s final hours. At the police station, Phil watches Jay and Ben being led away for separate questioning- but can they maintain their lie?

8:00pm ................................. Waterloo roadGrantly proves he will do anything for Fleur when her health deteriorates, and Trudi’s world is plunged into crisis by the shock discovery that she is pregnant.

9:00pm ................................The apprenticeSixteen candidates begin their fight for one-life changing opportunity - a quarter of a million pounds to start up a business with Lord Sugar as their partner.

10:00pm ............................bbC news at Ten10:25pm ..........................bbC london news10:35pm ....................The national lottery

Wednesday night draws10:45pm .......................... Match of the dayGary Lineker introduces highlights of the midweek Premier League action as the battles at both ends of the table intensify.

11:55pm .....................................nightwatch

6:00am .............................................Harry and Toto6:10am .........................................................Lunar Jim6:20am .............................Raa Raa the Noisy Lion6:35am .......................................................Octonauts6:45am ...............................................................Dipdap6:50am ...........................................Pinky Dinky Doo7:00am .....................................................................Roar7:30am ........................ The League of Super Evil7:45am ............................................................. Eliot Kid7:55am ......................................................Newsround8:00am ..................................Bear Behaving Badly8:25am .........................................Shaun the Sheep8:30am ....................................................Alphablocks8:35am ..............................................................Abadas8:45am ....................................................... Poetry Pie8:50am ...................................................Lulu Zipadoo9:05am .........................................Tinga Tinga Tales9:20am ...........................Driver Dan’s Story Train9:30am ............................................Guess with Jess9:40am ..........................Andy’s Wild Adventures9:55am ...................................................Tree Fu Tom10:15am ......................................Zingzillas Zingbop10:25am ..................Chuggington: Badge Quest10:30am .......................................Mama Mirabelle’s

Home Movies10:40am .......................................................Waybuloo11:00am ................................. In the Night Garden11:30am ......................................The Budget 20123:00pm .......................................Helicopter Heroes3:45pm ............................Flog It! Ten of the Best4:30pm .......................................................Breakaway5:15pm .....................................Antiques Road Trip

6:00pm ...........................................eggheads6:30pm .......... britain’s first photo album7:00pm .................. escape to the Country7:30pm ...........................Watson and Oliver8:00pm ........ The fisherman’s apprentice

with Monty Halls9:00pm .............Wikileaks: The Secret life

of a Superpower10:00pm ....The apprentice: You’re fired!10:30pm .......................................newsnight11:20pm ......................................... Storyville

6:00am ..........................................................Daybreak8:30am ............................................................Lorraine9:25am .............................The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30am ................................................This Morning11:25am ........................................................ ITV News11:30am ................................................This Morning12:15pm ......................The Chancellor’s Budget:

An ITV News Special2:00pm ..................................Dickinson’s Real Deal3:00pm ................... The Alan Titchmarsh Show4:00pm .....................................Midsomer MurdersWhen a body is discovered in woodland near Midsomer Sonning, country magazine Midsomer Life and its outspoken owner Guy Sandys come under scrutiny from Barnaby and Jones.

5:00pm .......................................................The Chase

6:00pm ............................... london Tonight6:30pm .................. iTv news and Weather7:00pm ....................................... emmerdaleEd’s shock proposition leaves Aaron gobsmacked. Adam is furious when Holly thanks Cain for saving her life.

7:30pm ..........................The UnforgettableA tribute to Russell Harty, best known as a hugely popular chat show host in the 1970s and 80s. A highly intelligent and funny man, Russell became a household name for pioneering a new way of interviewing which brought some very revealing chats to British screens.

8:00pm ..........................Midsomer MurdersWhen convicted murderer Grady Felton returns to the village where he killed a boy years earlier, his arrival is met with anger from the locals.

10:00pm ............................. iTv news at Ten and Weather

10:35pm ................... Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

Mother’s Day Special. Chris Tarrant presents a special Mother’s Day edition of the game show.

11:35pm ................................ road WarriorsDocumentary series uncovering the gritty reality of the lives of the soldiers who face unforgiving terrain and Taliban attacks to supply British bases all over Helmand Province, Afghanistan.

6:10am ...................................................... The Hoobs7:00am .........................................Freshly Squeezed7:30am ..........................................According to Jim7:55am ....................Everybody Loves Raymond8:25am ...............................................................Frasier9:00am ...............................Undercover Boss USA10:00am ............................The Renovation Game11:00am ....................... You Deserve This House12:00pm ..................Channel 4 News Summary12:05pm .............Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard12:35pm .....................How to Cook Like Heston1:05pm ....................................River Cottage Bites1:20pm ....................................................Sea of Sand3:10pm .................................................... Countdown4:00pm .............................................Deal or No Deal5:00pm ....................................Come Dine with Me5:30pm .................................................Four in a Bed

6:00pm ...................................The Simpsons6:30pm ........................................... HollyoaksRiley feels guilty about Mercedes and tries to make amends by saying he wants them all to be at the christening as a family.

7:00pm ............................... Channel 4 news7:55pm ......................................4thought.tv8:00pm ...................................... four roomsFour of Britain’s top dealers in art, antiques and collectibles wait in four separate rooms, each prepared to spend their own personal fortunes if the right item comes through their door.

9:00pm ................. One born every MinuteSeventeen-year-old Billie has pre-eclampsia, caused by high blood pressure, which is one of the most serious conditions that can develop during pregnancy.

10:00pm ............................... 10 O’Clock liveThis week’s edition of the live comedy and current affairs show hosted by David Mitchell, Jimmy Carr, Charlie Brooker and Lauren Laverne.

10:55pm ................. My phone Sex SecretsAs Britain experiences the worst recession since the war, over a million women are out of work. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

12:00am ..................................random acts

The return of a con-victed murderer to Mid-somer triggers a spate of gruesome killings and a mysterious case for Barnaby and Jones in a new episode of Britain’s best-loved detective dra-ma, midsomer murders. ‘Murder of Innocence’ stars Neil Dudgeon as DCI John Barnaby and Jason Hughes as DS Ben Jones in a brand new two-hour drama

for ITV1 from Bentley Pro-ductions. When convicted killer Grady Felton (Jack Pierce) comes back to his childhood home after 18 years, it stirs up anger and raw emotion for the family of his victim, Daniel Denning. A barrister involved in the trial is murdered that same night and fingers naturally point at Grady. But Grady has a solid alibi

so the detectives suspect he could be working with an accomplice. But then Grady himself is critically injured in an arson attack. Does someone in the pic-turesque country estate of Binwell have old scores to settle? Meanwhile, Barnaby must face some personal demons of his own as he tries to train for the Chief Constable’s fit-ness test.

Midsomer MurdersiTV1 - 8:00 - 10:00 pm

editor Recommends


Tv GUide 312 1 S T M a r C H

6:00am ................................................Children´s TV9:00am ..............................................Hana’s Helpline9:15am .........................................The Wright Stuff11:10am .........................................LIVE with Gabby12:10pm ....................................5 News Lunchtime12:15pm .....................................Emergency Bikers1:15pm ...........................................Home and Away1:45pm .....................................................Neighbours2:15pm ...............................................................CSI: NY3:15pm ........................................Shattered Silence5:00pm ....................................................5 News at 55:30pm .....................................................Neighbours

6:00pm ...............................Home and away6:30pm ............................................... 5 news7:00pm ..............................Cowboy builders8:00pm ................................big body Squad9:00pm .....................................................nCiS10:00pm .............................. law and Order:

Criminal intent11:00pm .............................. law and Order:

Special victims Unit

6:00am .....................................................Emmerdale6:25am .......................................................Nanny 9117:15am ................................................Loose Women8:10am .................................................... Judge Judy9:25am ................................The Real Housewives

of Orange County10:30am .................................................. Judge Judy12:00pm ..................................................Emmerdale12:30pm ............................................Loose Women1:30pm ............................ The Jeremy Kyle Show2:35pm ............................ The Jeremy Kyle Show3:40pm ................................The Real Housewives


7:00pm ..................................... Take Me Out8:15pm ...............Take Me Out - The Gossip9:00pm ...............................love in the Wild10:00pm ......................Miss Congeniality 2:

armed and fabulous

7:00pm ....................... Snog, Marry, avoid?POD answers an urgent call from glamour model Becky’s boyfriend, drags Leigh-Ann straight out of her bar in Magaluf, and meets mysterious and spooky Hollie from London.

7:30pm ....................... Snog, Marry, avoid?POD meets Big Brother winner Sophie Reade and her puppies, X-rated X Factor girlband Kandy Rain and a cybergoth with a gas mask who goes by the name of Biohazard.

8:00pm .........................don’t Tell the brideJohn and his fiancee Jackie live in Kirkintilloch, an old mining town on the outskirts of Glasgow. Country boy John was born there and has never left, but city girl Jackie hails from Glasgow’s West End and has always dreamt of a sophisticated and glamorous wedding.

9:00pm .......Gambling, addiction and Me: The real Hustler

10:00pm ..................................... eastenders

10:30pm ........... Stand Up for Sport relief

11:30pm ...................................... family Guy


Sherlock Holmes9:05am ...................................George and Mildred9:40am .................................Upstairs, Downstairs10:50am ........................................Inspector Morse1:00pm .......................................................Heartbeat2:05pm .................................... Murder, She Wrote3:10pm .................. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman4:10pm ...............................Daily Cooks Challenge5:10pm ...................................George and Mildred5:45pm .......................................................Heartbeat

6:50pm ......................... Murder, She Wrote7:55pm ........................... an audience with

victoria WoodComedian Victoria Wood performs before a star-studded audience including Julie Walters, Dave Allen, Judi Dench and Dawn French.

9:00pm ...........piers Morgan’s life Stories10:30pm ...........................................Wycliffe

8:55am ............................................Deal or No Deal9:55am ................................... River Cottage Bites10:15am ..........................................Help! My House

is Falling Down11:25am ................................Campbell’s Kingdom1:25pm .............................................. Grand Designs2:30pm ...................................Come Dine with Me3:05pm ...................................................... Coach Trip3:35pm .................................................Four in a Bed4:10pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals4:40pm .....................................A Place in the Sun:


6:50pm ........................ Come dine with MeIn Walsall, four hosts attempt to create the perfect dinner party in the hope of claiming that £1000 prize.

7:55pm .......... phil Spencer: Secret agent9:00pm .................... Undercover boss USa10:00pm ..................The Secret Millionaire11:05pm .................................Half Ton Mum

6:00am .......................................The Professionals6:50am ............................................................ Batman7:15am ............................................................. Batman7:40am ..............Deadliest Season in the World8:40am ...................................................The Fall Guy9:40am ............................................. Quantum Leap10:40am .....................................The Professionals11:40am .......................................................The Saint12:40pm ..........Deadliest Season in the World1:45pm ................................................ The Sweeney2:50pm ...................................................The Fall Guy3:50pm ............................................................ Batman4:20pm ............................................................ Batman4:55pm .......................................The Professionals

6:00pm .................................Quantum leap7:00pm ..................................Wildlife patrol7:30pm ..................police, Camera, action!8:00pm ...................... border Security USa9:00pm ............................... live and let die11:30pm ................... Conan the destroyer

7:00am ...............................................Breaking Away8:45am ....................................................... Footsteps10:00am ......................................Three Brave Men11:25am ..................................................The Reward1:00pm .............................................. Seven Thieves3:00pm ...........................Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry

7:00pm .............................final destinationA teenager’s grim premonition saves his schoolmates from dying in a plane crash but, despite their narrow escape, the vengeful spirit of death refuses to be outwitted and the survivors fall victim to a series of bizarre mishaps. Neat horror thriller which manages to be scary, shocking and funny in equal measure.9:00pm ...........................................Joy rideA couple of all-American pranksters ill-advisedly tease a trucker over a CB radio - but it’s only after incurring his wrath that they realise their victim is a relentless psycho, leading to a terrifying chase across the States as they attempt to escape his murderous attentions.

11:00pm .........................................daredevil

08:00 AM ..............................Twilight: The Eclipse10:00 AM ....................... Ferris Bueller’s Day Off12:00 PM ....................... The Bourne Ultimatum2:00 PM .......................................After the Sunset4:00 PM .................................Twilight: The EclipseBella once again finds herself surrounded by danger as Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings and a malicious vampire continues her quest for revenge.

6:00 pM .....................................deep impactA comet is on a course to collide with Earth, and people must cope with the fact that they will die. The President has devised a plan to keep as many humans alive as possible.

8:00 pM ...........................................ObsessedDerek Charles is a hard working man, employed as a asset manager in a private company. He is very happy with his beautiful wife, Sharon, and only son, and because of his hard work he just got a huge pay rise.

10:00 pM ............................Minority reportBased on a Philip K. Dick short-story about a time in the future when criminals are arrested before they commit the crime. A future-viewing piece of technology gives police officers this privilege.

Four Rooms returns for a second series of cu-rious collectables and nerve-gripping deals as members of the public try to sell vintage treas-ures for life-changing sums of money. Four of Britain’s top deal-ers in art, antiques and col-lectibles wait in four sepa-rate rooms, each prepared to spend their own personal fortunes if the right item comes through their door.

From memorabilia to taxi-dermy and art to antiques, members of the public have come to sell their prized possessions, hoping to walk away with a fortune. But to do so, they have to work out when to sell and when to see the next deal-er, because once they leave a room the offer is off the table for good. This first episode in the new series features the chair on which JK Rowling

wrote Harry Potter, the original music score for Psycho, artwork by Mar-lon Brando, Francis Bacon’s paint brushes, and an an-tique dildo. Will any of them make their owners rich? Four Rooms is presented by An-ita Rani, and feisty new buy-er Celia Sawyer joins original dealers Jeffrey Salmon, An-drew Lamberty and Gordon Watson for the second se-ries.

Four RoomsChannel 4 - 8:00 - 9:00 pm

editor Recommends


Tv GUide32T H U r S d a Y6:00am .........................................................Breakfast9:15am ............................. Crime and Punishment10:00am ..................Homes Under the Hammer11:00am ...................... The Sheriffs are Coming11:45am ........................................Cash in the Attic12:15pm ................................................Bargain Hunt1:00pm ........................................ BBC News at One1:30pm .......................................BBC London News1:45pm .............................................................Doctors2:15pm ............................ Escape to the Country3:00pm ........................................................ BBC News3:05pm ........................................................Deadly 603:35pm ............................................. Lockie Leonard4:00pm ...................Sport Relief Does Glee ClubSam and Mark host the search for the best young glee club in the UK. Resident judges Carrie and David Grant and Sisco Gomez selected 24 of the best young glee clubs from the auditions to take part in the heats.

4:30pm ...................Sport Relief Does Glee Club5:15pm ...........................................................Pointless

6:00pm ............................... bbC news at Six6:30pm ............................bbC london news7:00pm .................................. The One Show7:30pm ........................................eastendersPhil waits with a devastated Shirley for news on Jay and Ben’s police interviews as they attempt to stick with their version of events.

8:00pm ..........................................WatchdogAnne Robinson and the team look at how you can slash your bills by hundreds of pounds with just one phone call, and meet the pet owners facing crippling vets’ bills.

9:00pm ....................................John bishop’s Sport relief Hell

John Bishop takes the word ‘triathlon’ to new heights in an extraordinary physical and mental challenge for Sport Relief. John cycles, rows and runs from Paris to London.

10:00pm ............................bbC news at Ten10:25pm ..........................bbC london news10:35pm ................................Question TimeThe panel includes business secretary Vince Cable, former shadow home secretary David Davis and shadow business secretary Chuka Umunna.

11:35pm ........................................This Week

6:00am ................................................Children´s TV6:35am .......................................................Octonauts6:45am ...............................................................Dipdap6:50am ...........................................Pinky Dinky Doo7:00am .....................................................................Roar7:30am ........................ The League of Super Evil7:45am ............................................................. Eliot Kid7:55am ......................................................Newsround8:00am ..................................Bear Behaving Badly8:25am .........................................Shaun the Sheep8:30am ....................................................Alphablocks8:35am ..............................................................Abadas8:45am ....................................................... Poetry Pie8:50am ...................................................Lulu Zipadoo9:05am .........................................Tinga Tinga Tales9:20am ...........................Driver Dan’s Story Train9:30am ............................................Guess with Jess9:40am ..........................Andy’s Wild Adventures9:55am ...................................................Tree Fu Tom10:15am ......................................Zingzillas Zingbop10:25am ..................Chuggington: Badge Quest10:30am ........ Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies10:40am .......................................................Waybuloo11:00am ................................. In the Night Garden11:30am ........................................ BBC World News12:00pm .......................................The Daily Politics1:00pm ...........................................My Life in Books1:30pm ...........................................................See Hear2:00pm .............................................................. Lifeline2:15pm ........................................The Weakest Link3:00pm .......................................Helicopter Heroes3:45pm ............................Flog It! Ten of the Best4:30pm .......................................................Breakaway5:15pm .....................................Antiques Road Trip

6:00pm ...........................................eggheads6:30pm .......... britain’s first photo album7:00pm .................. Hairy bikers’ bakeation8:00pm ...................................natural World9:00pm ........................................White Heat10:00pm ......................... The Sarah Millican

Television programme10:30pm .......................................newsnight11:20pm ..........................................The Tube

6:00am ..........................................................Daybreak8:30am ............................................................Lorraine9:25am .............................The Jeremy Kyle Show10:30am ................................................This Morning11:25am ........................................................ ITV News11:30am ................................................This Morning12:30pm ............................................Loose Women1:30pm .............................ITV News and Weather2:00pm ..................................Dickinson’s Real Deal3:00pm ................... The Alan Titchmarsh Show4:00pm .....................................Midsomer MurdersJean Wildacre, a grandmother and magician’s assistant, drops dead during a stage show.

5:00pm .......................................................The Chase

6:00pm ............................... london Tonight6:30pm .................. iTv news and Weather7:00pm ....................................... emmerdaleAdam loses control and torches the garage - with Cain inside. Sam panics when Zak goes missing with Samson.

7:30pm .............................................. TonightHow Much is Your Council Charging You? Jonathan Maitland looks at how some local authorities are raising extra cash by putting up fees such as library fines, car parking and even social care.

8:00pm ....................................... emmerdaleCain’s life hangs in the balance in the burning garage. Megan is concerned when she finds a disorientated Zak with Samson.

8:30pm ...........................Coronation StreetThe Websters have a fraught journey ahead. Amber drops a bombshell on Dev and Sunita. Tommy and Tina’s date takes a sour turn.

9:00pm ............................................ love lifeSecond in a three-part drama series about a complicated romantic relationship. When her father Will is evicted, Lucy and baby Arthur are also made homeless.

10:00pm ............................. iTv news at Ten and Weather

10:35pm .................. for better, for WorseThe second in a special two-part update to the documentary series charting the marriages of eight couples since 1998.

11:35pm ............ The Jonathan ross ShowJoining Jonathan today are comedian Sarah Millican and boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard.

6:10am ......................................................The Hoobs7:00am ........................................ Freshly Squeezed7:30am ..........................................According to Jim7:55am ....................Everybody Loves Raymond8:25am ...............................................................Frasier9:00am ...............................Undercover Boss USA10:00am ............................The Renovation Game11:00am ....................... You Deserve This House12:00pm ..................Channel 4 News Summary12:05pm ............ Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard12:35pm .................... How to Cook Like Heston1:05pm .................................................Up Periscope3:10pm ....................................................Countdown4:00pm ............................................ Deal or No Deal5:00pm ................................... Come Dine with Me5:30pm .................................................Four in a Bed

6:00pm ...................................The Simpsons6:30pm ...........................................HollyoaksIt’s chaotic as everyone prepares for Bobby’s christening, but the McQueens panic when they realize Mercedes and Bobby are missing.

7:00pm ...............................Channel 4 news7:55pm ..................................... 4thought.tv8:00pm ............... Get Your House in OrderGet Your House in Order is the brand-new series featuring out-of-control consumers whose quality of life is being buried under mounds of excessive, but potentially valuable possessions.

9:00pm ........................ Mary’s bottom lineMary Portas is in Middleton in Greater Manchester setting up her new production line for truly British made knickers.

10:00pm ...................................... death rowMost people do not know when and how they will die. Death Row inmates do. They are told the exact day, hour and minute of their death, including all the precise details, procedures and rituals of their execution.

10:55pm ..................................random acts11:00pm ....................embarrassing bodiesThe unshockable doctors tour continues in their search for cringe-worthy conditions in need of a fix. For the first time Dr Christian hits the party island of Ibiza, tackling the issues of too much sun, sea and sex, pitching up a clinic on the beach for clubbers in need.

John Bishop’s Sport Re-lief Hell is a one-off spe-cial that captures the most physically gruel-ling test of John Bish-op’s life as he cycles, rows and runs 290 miles from Paris to London in five days for Sport Re-lief 2012. Starting his arduous jour-ney at the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the programme sees

John attempt a punishing 185-mile cycle to Calais in less than 24 hours. The documentary follows John, who has only slept for an hour, as he joins up with his team of celebrity rowers, Davina McCall, Den-ise Lewis and Freddie Flint-off. The team navigate the choppy waters of the Channel as they head for

the white cliffs of Dover and the safety of dry land. But as a sleep-deprived John battles with exhaus-tion it falls to his famous friends to boost his spirits. The show then tracks the next three days of John’s gruelling journey step-by-step, as he runs a crippling 90 miles from Dover to London, taking on just over a marathon a day.

John Bishop’s Sport Relief HellBBC1 - 9:00 - 10:00 pm

editor Recommends


Tv GUide 332 2 n d M a r C H

6:00am ................................................Children´s TV8:40am ...................................Bananas in Pyjamas9:00am ..............................................Hana’s Helpline9:15am .........................................The Wright Stuff11:10am .........................................LIVE with Gabby12:10pm ....................................5 News Lunchtime12:15pm .....................................Emergency Bikers1:15pm ...........................................Home and Away1:45pm .....................................................Neighbours2:15pm ...............................................................CSI: NY3:10pm ...............................................Her Fatal Flaw5:00pm ....................................................5 News at 55:30pm .....................................................Neighbours

6:00pm ...............................Home and away6:30pm ............................................... 5 news7:00pm ...............Holiday Heaven on earth7:30pm ........................ How do They do it?8:00pm ............................ inside the Titanic10:00pm .............................................Cleaner11:45pm ..................................forensic files

6:00am .....................................................Emmerdale6:25am .......................................................Nanny 9117:15am ................................................Loose Women8:10am .................................................... Judge Judy9:25am ................................The Real Housewives

of Orange County10:30am .................................................. Judge Judy12:00pm ..................................................Emmerdale12:30pm ....................................................Nanny 9111:30pm ............................ The Jeremy Kyle Show2:35pm ............................ The Jeremy Kyle Show3:40pm ................................The Real Housewives


7:00pm ............... all Star family fortunes8:00pm ...................................american idol10:00pm ...............................Celebrity Juice10:45pm ............Totally bonkers Guinness

World records11:15pm...............penn and Teller: fool Us

7:00pm ............................... The apprenticeIn the first task, the boys compete against the girls. Each team must buy blank goods, add value by printing a design onto them and then sell them from stalls on the streets of London.

8:00pm ....................................... eastenders9:00pm .......................................... pramfaceLaura is settling in well at Jamie’s place - a bit too well. Keith is sick of her being there, Jamie is tired of sleeping on the sofa and Mike and Beth have had enough of not being able to see their mate.

9:30pm ................................ White van ManOllie is unable to celebrate his birthday when he is dropped from his Saturday league football team before an important tournament.

10:00pm ..................................... eastenders10:30pm ..................................... eastenders11:30pm ...................................... family GuyMeg becomes extremely religious and tries to convert Brian from atheism. Meanwhile, after the family visits a Star Trek convention, Stewie kidnaps the entire cast of Star Trek.

6:00am .......................................................Heartbeat7:00am ................... Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman7:55am .....................................The Adventures of

Sherlock Holmes9:05am ...................................George and Mildred9:40am .................................Upstairs, Downstairs10:45am ........................................Inspector Morse1:00pm .......................................................Heartbeat2:05pm .................................... Murder, She Wrote3:05pm .................. Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman4:10pm ...............................Daily Cooks Challenge5:10pm ...................................George and Mildred5:45pm .......................................................Heartbeat

6:50pm ......................... Murder, She Wrote8:00pm .................................................poirot9:00pm .............................................WycliffeWycliffe and his team move in to investigate the death of a man found blasted by a shotgun at a Cornish holiday home.

10:00pm ............................... Those Who kill11:55pm ........................................ Mermaids

8:55am ............................................Deal or No Deal9:55am ...................................My Place in the Sun10:30am .................................My Place in the Sun11:05am .................................My Place in the Sun11:40am ............ Quick Bakes with Eric Lanlard11:50am .................................... Face of a Fugitive1:30pm .............................................. Grand Designs2:35pm ...................................Come Dine with Me3:05pm ...................................................... Coach Trip3:35pm .................................................Four in a Bed4:10pm .........................Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals4:40pm .....................................A Place in the Sun:


6:50pm ........................ Come dine with Me7:55pm .......... phil Spencer: Secret agent9:00pm .................................The Good Wife10:00pm ......................................... The big C10:35pm .................................. Saving Grace11:35pm .............................. Shameless USa

6:00am .......................................The Professionals6:50am ............................................................ Batman7:15am ............................................................. Batman7:40am ..........................................................The Saint8:40am ...................................................The Fall Guy9:40am ............................................. Quantum Leap10:40am .....................................The Professionals11:50am .......................................................The Saint12:50pm ............................................. The Sweeney1:55pm ..............World’s Wildest Police Videos2:50pm ...................................................The Fall Guy3:50pm ............................Police, Camera, Action!4:20pm ...........................................Live and Let Die

6:50pm ...............................field of dreamsIowa farmer Ray Kinsella hears a voice in his cornfield which tells him, “if you build it, he will come.” He interprets this message as an instruction to build a baseball field on his farm.

9:00pm .....The Man with the Golden Gun11:30pm ..................................Smokin’ aces

7:00am ............................Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry8:35am ............................................................Ramona10:00am ....................................... Bigger Than Life12:00pm ...............................................The Incident2:00pm .....................................................The Games4:00pm .............................. The Towering InfernoThe world’s tallest building goes up in flames during its opening celebrations, leaving architect Paul Newman and fire chief Steve McQueen battling against the odds to save the lives of party-goers trapped on the 135th floor.

7:00pm .........................................Cast awayA systems engineer has to fend for himself when a plane crash leaves him stranded on a desert island. Initially panic-stricken, he overcomes his terror to survive for four years on his own - before building a raft and setting off on an epic journey back home.

10:00pm ............................. living Out loudA woman on the rebound from a difficult divorce forms an emotional bond with a lift operator who has a history of tragic personal relationships, and their friendship helps them endure the pitfalls of life.

7:30 AM ........................................................Assassins9:45 AM.................................................Deep Impact11:45 AM .....................................................Obsessed1:45 PM ..................................Miss Congeniality 2:

Armed & Fabulous3:30 PM ..........................................Minority ReportBased on a Philip K. Dick short-story about a time in the future when criminals are arrested before they commit the crime. A future-viewing piece of technology gives police officers this privilege.

6:00 pM ......................................... linewatchMichael Dixon is a seasoned agent working linewatch on the US/Mexico Border. Well respected by his peers at US Border Patrol, and well loved by his family (wife Angela and 5 year old daughter Emily).

8:00 pM ....................... The imaginarium of doctor parnassus

10:30 pM .................................Smokin’ acesMob boss Primo Sparazza has taken out a hefty contract on Buddy “Aces” Israel, a sleazy magician who has agreed to turn state’s evidence against the Vegas mob.

Get your House in Or-der is the brand-new series featuring out-of-control consum-ers whose quality of life is being buried under mounds of ex-cessive, but poten-tially valuable pos-sessions. On hand to help them transform their lives

are two experts: an-tiques and artefacts dealer Nick Allen, and interior designer Abi-gail Ahern. The first episode features 25-year-old Amie Ormand. Amie is a self-confessed shopa-holic whose compulsive consuming is not only taking over her home,

but is threatening her relationship with her fiancé Ali. Can Nick and Amie ad-minister the tough love Amie needs to help her offload her fash-ion hoard and raise the cash needed to trans-form her house into a home fit for newly-weds?

Get your House in OrderChannel 4 - 8:00 - 9:00 pm

editor Recommends


ACROSS

1. Period of the year (6)4. Eject (5)8. Fly (4)9. Diminish (8)10. Betrothed (7)12. Worry or cause anxiety in a persistent way (3,2)13. Separate by a sieve (4)14. Seductively beautiful woman (5)17. Fenced areas (5)20. Exude slowly (4)22. Wharves (5)23. Longed for (7)24. Tubular pasta (8)25. Dell (4)26. Gel (5)27. Souvenirs (6)

Down

1. Nuns (7)2. Superficial area (7)3. Pokes gently (6)5. Kind or sort (7)6. Division of a book (7)7. Incline (4)11. Giddy (5)15. Adapt for new use (7)16. Opening of the nose (7)18. A coming (7)19. Makes sorrowful (7)21. Weirder (6)22. Dulls (4)25. Periods of history (4)

TiMe OUT34TIME OUTTake a little

Give the grey cells a work-out with our quick quiz.

This week’sclever quote

Solutions to our

puzzles can

be found on

page 46

The brain train

Crossword

The dotted lines indicate areas which also contain a non-re-peating set of digits. These squares can be added together to produce the sums shown in the clues.

Fill in the black squares so that each row, each column and each 3-by-3 block contain all of the digits 1 through 9.

An easy one

A little tougher

““Some cause happiness wherever they go; others,

whenever they go.”- Oscar Wilde

Spot the 5 differences

Can you find the hidden Circus words? They may be horizontal or vertical.Word search

BearsCageClownsElephantFireHoopsHorses JugglersLion TamerLionsNetPeanutsPopcorn RingmasterStiltsTigersTightropeTrapezeUnicycle

Try to fill in the missing

numbers.Use the numbers 1 through 9 to com-plete the equations.

Each number is only used once.Each row is a math equation. Work from left to right.Each column is a math equation. Work from top to bottom

MATHS CHALLENGESudoku

Question One: How many milligrams are in one gram?Question Two: Which fabric is made by worms?Question Three: Which side of a ship is starboard?Question Four: What colour were ET’s eyes?Question Five: The caped crusader, Batman, operated in which city?Question Six: What was the name of Michael Jackson’s famous chimpan-zee companion?


SHOWbiz 35

The NYPD has twice been called to One Direction’s New York hotel amid safety fears for them and their fans.Security has been beefed up while they stay in the city, as the frenzy surrounding the boy band threatened to spiral out of control. The singers have been ordered to stay indoors as the scale of interest became apparent after their appearance on The Today Show was met with a record breaking crowd of 15,000.Singer Niall Horan needed a minder as he attempted to take some snaps in Times Square and was ordered back to the

hotel after he was mobbed.But it was just as chaotic there. A witness said: ‘Fans were crying and shaking when they caught a glimpse of the band. It was very surreal. Others were banging on the glass of the windows and hotel managers were worried they would smash the glass.’ The love-in came after 1D took over the US airwaves and broke the audience record for their acoustic web perfor-mance on Z100 radio. Some 40,000 tuned in, six times more than Justin Bieber pulled in.

Round one goes to BBC as ITV has backed down with regards to the start time for this year’s BGT, mean-ing the Simon Cowell juggernaut will only clash with the BBC programme for 15 minutes. Simon Cowell’s ITV stalwart BGT appears to have backed down in the face of major competition from BBC show The Voice, which is one of the most hotly anticipated new series of the year. With both talent shows launching on the same night, March 24, viewers were set to have to choose between the two, since

they both aired at similar times. But now BGT bosses have announced that contrary to earlier schedule indications, in which the programmes would overlap by 50 minutes, the finalised schedules mean that they will overlap for just 20 minutes. The Voice is set to air from 7pm on BBC1 and finish at 8.20pm, while BGT will begin at 8pm and continue until 9.20pm, meaning viewers desperate to catch the first part of Britain’s Got Talent will have to forsake the concluding 20 minutes of The Voice. The decision by ITV to push BGT back is a relatively pacific move by the broadcaster, after a series of more aggressive sched-uling decisions, including the selection of identical launch dates for the two shows, when BGT usually begins in mid-April. Earlier this year, Simon Cowell poached BBC darling Alesha Dixon for Britain’s Got Talent by reportedly offering her thou-sands more than she was earning on Strictly Come Dancing.

BBC VS ITV: THE FIGHT IS ON! Cheryl Cole is suing the publishers of now magazine over its articles alleging the star enjoyed a ‘secret relationship’ with MC Harvey. According to the papers seen by Press Gazette, Cheryl is suing over the original article featuring Harvey’s claim that the pair secretly dated and a follow-up article claiming a lawyer had seen emails proving the claims were true. In the first article Harvey said the pair became close after her split from husband Ashley, telling the magazine: ‘There was a relationship and an attraction to each other’s aura. He was quoted as saying he would have mar-ried her given the chance and laughed off claims that Cheryl had been in a relationship with Derek Hough, but said he would ‘never disclose’ details of what they had said to each other. Cheryl quickly took to her Twitter account to deny the claims, but Harvey later provided a batch of emails as ‘proof’ that the relationship was genuine. Lawyer Tim Parish ‘concluded that the mes-sages were real, had not been doctored in any way and confirm he was in a romantic relation-ship with the sender.’ Now’s news editor Jess Boulton hit out at Har-vey for backtracking over the comments, say-ing in a blog post: ‘As with Harvey, we’re used to celebs getting scared and trying to backtrack on what they’ve said. And for that reason we record every interview.’ ‘Cheryl’s lawyers have asked to see Mr Har-vey’s alleged e-mails which the magazine says are “proof” of the “romance” but it claims not to have them in its possession.

Cheryl ColeSuing

Now magazine

One Direction forced to call police as fans run riot

Beyoncé and Jay-Z appear to be giving Victoria and David Beckham a run for their money when it comes to baby fashion as they showed off their lit-tle one’s latest accessory; a pair of de-signer gold booties.

Beyoncé clearly wants her first daughter to grow a love for shoes as Blue was seen sporting a pair of gorgeous sparkly gold Marc Jacobs shoes that would be fit for a princess. Her 30-year-old mum looked equally as stylish in a cream trouser suit with her hair scraped back into a neat ponytail and wear-ing designer shades. The Halo singer certainly seemed happy to be out and about in New York as she enjoyed the spring weather and knew she and Blue were in safe hands as they were flanked by Beyoncé and Jay-Z’s personal bodyguard. Blue was born on January 7 at New York City’s Lenox Hospital.

Blue Ivy’sbling booties

Ben Foden has revealed fiancée Una Healy has giv-en birth to a healthy baby girl named Aoife Belle Foden, with the rest of The Saturdays rushing to send congratulatory messages. The rugby star announced the couple’s baby news on Twit-ter, writing: ‘I am officially a Dad!!!!!! Una and baby are both amazing and healthy!!!! So proud of them both! #babybenuna’ According to Hello magazine, the new arrival weighed in at 7lbs 13oz and is called Aoife Belle Foden. Aoife is a popular Irish name which traditionally means ‘beauty’ while Belle – French for ‘beautiful – is also the French adaption of Bell, the maiden name of Ben’s mother.

Congratulations!

Una Healy and Ben Foden welcome baby girl

eastenders star Shona McGarty was asked to leave an Asda store over the weekend after she was spotted play-ing with a yoghurt. The actress was approached by security guards in the Watford supermarket branch after ‘smearing herself suggestively’ with the yoghurt while messing around with her boyfriend and co-star Matt Lapinskas.The 20-year-old had attracted the atten-tion of other shoppers with her antics, one of whom complained about her lewd behaviour. ‘It was disgusting,’ a source told The Sun. ‘The man was opening up pots and looked as if he was throwing it around.’‘Then the girl started to smear it over her-self in a suggestive manner.’ A spokesman for the supermarket gi-ant confirmed that the incident had taken place but downplayed it to The Sun.Shona, who plays Whitney Dean in the soap, started dating Matt, who plays An-thony Moon, in September last year.

Shona McGartygets fruity!


OUT On THe TOWn36

Mon 19/3

Coconut JoeParque de la Paz, LACompere Scott BatemanAct Becky

Bulls HeadParque de la Paz, LALive Band Vagabonds

Market TavernPaloma Beach Los CrisCompere Stan FrasierAll Football Shown

Flicks SilencioAmarillo BayCabaret Stuart Beagley

ShamblesCc MiradorLos CrisCompere Rick GotthardBig Party Night

Grandee O’DonnellsWith Gordon Kinglater in Shenanigans

Bay ViewCompere Julie KellyCabaret Charlie Hodge at 10Johnny Kelly at 11

Tue20/3

Coconut JoeParque de la Paz, LACompere Frank FarrowCabaret Luke Carey


Market TavernPaloma Beach Los CrisCompere Stan FrasierGood Pub Grub

Flicks SilencioAmarillo BayFun Night With Dave Tracey

ShamblesCc MiradorLos CrisCompere Paul MacCabaret Dion

Beverly Hills Los CrisGordon Kings´Rat Pack Tribute

Bay ViewCompere Julie KellyCabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Robbie Williams

Wed21/3

Coconut JoeParque de la Paz, LACompere John AshfordCabaret Ged Bolton


Market TavernPaloma Beach Los CrisCompere Adrian JayCabaret Billy Porter

Flicks SilencioAmarillo BayDave Traceys’ Karaoke Night

ShamblesCc MiradorLos CrisCompere Rick GothardCabaret Bobby Pearson

Further Information On Good Gig Guide

Call Gordon King0n 693 732 536

Bay ViewCompere Julie KellyCabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Michael Geaham

Thu22/3

Coconut JoeParque de la Paz, LACompere Scott BatemanCabaret Helena


Market TavernPaloma Beach Los CrisCompere Sparky MarkyAll Football Shown

Flicks SilencioAmarillo BayFilm Night Plus Quiz

ShamblesCc MiradorLos CrisCompere Paul MacCabaret Michael J Grant

Beverley Hills, InfernoLos CrisCompere Gordon KingAct Kylie Mnogue

Bay ViewCompere Julie KellyCabaret Dion at 10Cy Benson At 11

Fri23/3

Coconut JoeParque de la Paz, LACompere Scott BatemanCabaret Michaela


Market TavernPaloma Beach Los CrisCompere Stan Fraser

Flicks SilencioAmarillo BayFun Night With Dave Tracey

ShamblesCc MiradorLos CrisCompere Paul MacCabaret Freak Boutique

Beverley Hills, PiazzaLos CrisGordon King & Derek Shannonlater in Shenanigans

Bay ViewCompere Julie KellyCabaret Ged Bolton At 10 Johnny Kelly

Sat24/3

Coconut JoeParque de la Paz, LACompere ClaudioCabaret Jasmin


Market TavernPaloma Beach Los CrisCompere Adrian Jay

Flicks SilencioAmarillo BayDave Tracey + Cabaret

ShamblesCc MiradorLos CrisCompere Paul MacWith Pip Brown

Beverley Hills, PiazzaLos CrisGordon King withMichael Buble

Bay ViewCompere Julie KellyCabaret Johnny Kelly at 10 Cy Benson

Sun25/3

Coconut JoeParque de la Paz, LACompere Scott BatemanCabaret John Ashford


Market TavernPaloma Beach Los CrisCompere Adrian Jay

Flicks SilencioAmarillo BaySunday Roast Special.All Welcome

ShamblesCc MiradorLos CrisCompere Rick GotthardCabaret Shiel Campbell

Pheasant PluckerWith Dave MichaelsPlus Top Cabaret

Bay ViewCy Benson,Frankie Rocket Ronnie,Dave Varley2pm till 2am Plus Guests

THE GOOD GIG GUIDE

GOOD GiG GUiDe. FOR FURTHeR inFORMATiOn CALL GORDOn KinG On 693 732 536

SYNOPSIS:

Matt King (George Clooney) is a Honolulu-based lawyer and the sole trustee of a family trust that controls 25,000 acres of pristine land on the island of Kaua’i. The trust will expire in seven years because of the rule against perpetuities, so the King family has decided to sell the land to Kaua’i native Don Holitzer for development. Just before family members are ready to formally endorse the deal, which Matt favours, a boating accident near Waikīkī renders Matt’s wife, Elizabeth, comatose.Matt and Elizabeth have two daughters, 10-year-old Scottie (Amara Miller) and 17-year-old Alex (Shailene Woodley). Matt is not very close to his daughters and refers to himself as the “back-up parent.” With Elizabeth in a coma at Queen’s Hospital, he is forced to confront Scottie’s inappropriate behaviour with other children and Alex’s destructive behaviours.

The Northern Light

The DescendantsShowing daily at 17:10

115 min - Comedy| Drama

Starring George Clooney as Matt King

Shailene Woodley as Alexandra “Alex” KingJudy Greer as Julie Speer

Beau Bridges as Cousin Hugh

you could be excused for thinking that Stan Frasier is a gang, the man is everywhere, with his international show and his Sweet Caroline finish, he covers more bars in a week than your average flower girl. Beginning with Aries Bar he was there crooning on a Saturday night. I popped in to Flicks for their cracking Sunday lunch; who is singing, Stan. On Wednesday I called in to the Market Tavern to watch the hilarious Billy Porter, who is compering; yup, the man. To top it all I was singing and playing guitar in the popular Coconut Joes when my Cabaret for the night turns up and it’s Mr. Stan Frasier. We´ve got to talk. On being asked his age he smiles disarmingly and sez, “am younger than Rod Stewart”, so we went for the bio instead. His first experience was with the Scottish National Youth Orchestra, born in Aberdeen, his first pro gig was as a schoolboy in a

band called “Copycats” doing, predictably, Beatles and Stones covers with alternatively some Motown thrown in. If you watch the show these influences are still there. His pedigree is pretty good having worked with “Marmalade” and “Pink Floyd”, Gerry Rafferty and the Big Yin himself, Billy Connell; with extensive travel including the Middle East and the U.S.A. Stan now lives with his wife, the vivacious Elaine in Chayofa,

and his daughter and grandchildren are also here. He is enjoying life and doing what he does best: if entertainers were builders tools I would be a rasp and this guy would be glass paper, he is so smooth, one can´t imagine a bad word coming from his mouth. His clothes reflect his image: smartly turned out and waist coated he can range from the classics then swing up to date with a touch of “The Killers”. Based mostly in Los Cristianos at the “Market Tavern”, were Joe and Stewart actually managed to embarrass me last night (I don´t do cuddles), well, not that sort. Check out Tenerife Weekly’s and Coast FM’s Good Gig Guide (below) for further details. Till next time bye, and Joe ‘n’ Stewart, tarra.p.S. Got to do a write up on Mr billy porter. Caught his show last Wednesday at Market Tavern. The guy is a blast, if you are reading this, billy, get in touch.


SHarpleS in SeSSiOn 37

NO! DON’T STOP THE CARNIVAL

Carnival season is now coming to an end once again. In Puerto de la Cruz it is a rollocker of an occasion for all residents, re-gardless of whether they are British, Span-ish or German etc. Everyone gets involved and the events are as varied as anyone could ever expect. It is one hell of a spec-tacle with live bands from all nations taking part. The streets and bars were rammed!The tradition of men dressing up as women goes back about 400 years. It never ceases to amaze me how young men like dressing up as women! It seems to me that they will plonk on a frock and a wig at the drop of a hat. A few weeks ago, in one of the costume shops, I spotted a large group of lads who were in their early teens. There was much excitement and laughter as they took it in turns to try on the dresses. As I walked past them, I overheard one lad say, “Well all I need now is a pair of tights and some lipstick! I just can’t imagine this happening in the UK. It’s great to see so many people enjoying themselves with hardly a sniff of trouble.I don’t usually join in with the “dressing up bit”. I have to get dragged up for work, so the appeal doesn’t really hit me in the same way. This year, however, I decided to join in.On widow’s night I was dressed in black with 9 inch heels and a ratty old wig. A few days later ….. there I was again, in full re-galia, marching through the streets o f Puerto de la Cruz with a group of thirty other British people. I decided to abscond from the men’s high heels race. I managed to find a superb

viewing place on my friend’s balcony, which overlooks the finishing post in the “Plaza del Charco”. It was the funniest thing I had seen for a long time. The sight of all these men run-ning on cobbled streets in high heels raised shrieks of laughter from the watching crowds. We had a ball, as you can see by the pho-tographs. Roll on 2013!

IT’S A BUYER’S MARKET I am looking to buy a new property this year. The trou-ble is that there is so much to choose from. Recent figures

state that there are over 3,000,000 empty homes in Spain at the moment. 1,000,000 of them are new properties that have nev-er been lived in. The price of homes has fallen dramatically and continues to fall. On top of that, peo-ple are making offers for them, which are much lower than the asking price. If ever there was a time to buy, it is now! Well, that is what my taxi driver said last night! And they know everything!

IF YOU CAN’T BEAT THEM, JOIN THEM! Titsa buses have recently been building new bus shelters on the TF-1 motorway. At first glance I thought they looked awful. They were very plain, grey, concrete mon-sters at the side of the road. Then, all of a sudden, as if overnight, they were decorated. They have been given a really snazzy look, using what can best be described as a graffiti design. There are many different colours and they brighten up the otherwise drab roadsides. I suspect that this could be an effort to stop local graffiti vandals from being tempted to scrawl all over them. Whether this will be ef-fective, remains to be seen. I hope it works. I’ve spotted six different designs now and there are more to come. Look out for them when you next travel to Santa Cruz.

John.

Sharplesin Session

By John SharplesWELCOME ABOARD

John Sharples joins the Tenerife Weekly team today for the first time. John hails from Preston in Lancashire and has lived in Wales, Mallorca, Gran Canaria and now resides in north Tenerife after spending 8 years in the south of the island. His grandfather, Bernard youens, played “Stan Ogden” in Coronation Street, which is probably why John is in the entertainment business. in the early 80’s John broke the world record for non-stop disco dancing by dancing for 15 days and 11 hours. The following year, he broke his own record by a further 5 hours. His cabaret show, along with Barry Pugh is called Bitter and Twisted and along with the Decades dancers, he can be seen in the superb “Decades Spectacular” and “Decades goes to Hollywood” in Vivo at Treasure island.


adverTiSMenT38


it may feel hard for some people to make time for anything else in their lives, but the Archbishop of Can-terbury suggests it will be hard to achieve true freedom without set-ting aside some quiet time with God each day.

In a sermon broadcast live on BBC Radio 4 ‘s Sunday Worship, Dr Rowan William considered what it means to be free and how we can

achieve the true freedom “to be what we most deeply are”. “There is no short cut to freedom, be-cause we have to be changed little by lit-tle, and we shan’t be changed unless we give the time we need – time when we put aside out usual priorities and try to silence our frantic thinking and imagining,” he said. “Looking quietly at all the clutter that prevents us from seeing ourselves honest-ly, looking quietly at the ways in which the world we live in muffles the truth and so frustrates the search for justice and love – this isn’t a luxury. “This is how the truth makes us free. Not

free to do what we fancy at any given mo-ment, but free to be real, to be truthful, to be ‘in the truth’, as the New Testament puts it.” After all, what other sort of freedom is finally worth having?” The Archbishop encouraged people to invest daily in their spiritual development. Far from being a “refusal of the world”, the Archbishop argued that silent reflec-tion was the means by which Christians could act in the world “so as to change it effectively because we open the way to God’s own activity”.

COMMUniTY MaTTerS 39

Some of the Local Church Sunday Morning Services Las Americas Anglican Church Pueblo Canario 10.15amLos Cristianos South Tenerife Christian Fellowship Apolo Centre 11:00amLos Cristianos International Church Princesa Dácil Hotel 11:00amCosta del Silencio Silencio Church Coral Mar Square 11:00amCallao Salvaje Community Church Sueño Azul 11:00am Valle San Lorenzo Calvary Assembly Eng / Spanish 11:00amPuerto de la Cruz South Tenerife Christian Fellowship 11.30amSome of the Local Church Sunday Evening ServicesLos Cristianos South Tenerife Christian Fellowship Apolo Centre 6:00pm Valle San Lorenzo Calvary Deutsch Bi Lingual Eng/Ger 6:00pmLas Americas The Living Room Veronica’s 6:00pmLos Gigantes Anglican Church Espiritu Santo 6:00pmGolf del Sur Anglican Church San Blas 6:00pmSome Other Church activitiesMany of the local churches also hold mid week services and Bible studies So phone the numbers below or check out the information on their websites.Songs of PraiseEvery Tuesday evening in the Scandinavian Church at Puerto Colon(first Floor Overlooking the marina). 7:30pmTuesday Little Angels Mums & Tots Silencio Church 10:30amTuesday Play Zone Mums & Tots STCF 11:00amWednesday Stay n Play Mums & Tots Callao Salvaje 11:00amFriday Stay n Play Mums & Tots Callao Salvaje 11:00amThe Living Room (Christian drop-in centre) Veronicas Las Americas 922 75 23 64 (above Burger King) Tue – Fri 4-7:00pmSaturday Market Free Literature stall at the Las Américas market.SHE Europe (Confidential HELPLINE for women in crisis) 690 964 145Also if visiting the North of the IslandPuerto del la Cruz Anglican Church North Tenerife Christian Fellowship, next to Post Office 11.30am

More details on all the above can be found on the following websites: www.christiansintenerife.co.uk covering most of the churches www.silenciochurch.org 922 78 40 17 / 609 565 528 www.tenerifechurch.com 922 74 20 45 / 679 660 277 www.callaosalvajecommunitychurch.com 922 78 48 77 / 654 932 541 www.stcf.org 922 79 00 07 / 660 183 760 www.caictenerife.com 922 73 16 91 / 628 107 316 www.ntcf.org 922 35 10 11 / 677 349 088

SPANISH CORNER Welcome to our next issue of the Spanish corner. i hope you found last week’s words useful. Let’s continue with our progress.

Spanish Phonetically english

¡Felicidades! Fel-ee-se-dad-ess

Congratula-tions!

¡Felízcumpleaños!

Fel-ees cum-ple-an-yos Happy Birthday!

¡Felices Pascuas! Fel-ee-ses pas-quas Happy Easter!

¡Buena suerte! Bwen-a swear-tay Good Luck!

¡Buen provecho! Bwen prob-ech-oh “Bon appetit”

¡Buen viaje! Bwen be-ah-ay Have a safe journey!

¡Que tengas buenas vaca-

ciones!

Kay ten-gas bwen-ass bac-ass-e-on-ess

Have a good holiday!

¡Cuidate! Qui-dat-ay Take Care!

¡Hasta pronto! As-ta pron-tow See you soon!

¡Hasta luego! As-ta lu-eh-go See you later!

See you next week! Carlos.

Community mattersWritten by Ken Cumming Pastor of Callao Salvaje Community Church

If the big question interests you whynot come along this week to start

to find out the answers.

Every Sunday at 7.30pm (FREE)Why not attend on Sunday night,the Alpha course is being held in

Silencio Church.?

Christians must make time for God

The National Week of Prayer for Dementia is this week. The week, running from 12 to 19 March, is dedicated to prayer and raising awareness of the condition. “Few of us can imagine the isolation, and consequent anxiety, that this affliction brings both to those who suffer and their families. Daily we meet families who are affected by this situation which can be both emotionally and physically tiring, often 24/7 and with no holiday breaks. “Through prayer let us ground ourselves in our communion with the Lord, making ourselves one with the many who suffer and those who care for them.”

Dementia sufferersremembered

in prayer

BEING DIFFERENTSome people seem to think that everyone should be the same:That “different” must mean ‘inferior’.Give me the grace to confront prejudice, lovingly but firmly,To pray for an end to all narrow mindedness And never to believe myself to be less than you have made me.

Last Thursday evening the new square in Callao Salvaje next to the recently completed church was dedicated to international Women’s Day. Celebrating International Women’s Day in Callao Salvaje, Adeje council named the new square Plaza de la Mujer Trabajadora.

Callao Salvaje d eve l o p e r s and council representa-tives sign the official papers with Alcalde José

Miguel Rodríguez Fraga and councillor Am-ada Trujillo Bencomo.

Alcalde José Miguel Rodríguez Fraga and councillor Amada Trujillo Bencomo unveiled the plaque. The village was well represented with many local people attending as well as “COSMOS”, the local residents association and the two local churches were represented by Father Keith Gordon and myself.

International Women’s Day


1) Feast and famine. Someone once re-counted how he would eat virtuously dur-ing the week, then pig out at the weekends on fat-laden and calorific foods. He would look forward to and, indeed, plan the week-end feast. Perhaps th-is is an extreme ex-ample, but one that rings guilty bells with some of us. Those who do this are more likely to regain any weight lost on a diet, whereas if you eat consistently every day, you are more likely to stay slim.

2) Fat-free clothes. There are many peo-ple with fluctuating waistlines who would confess to having ‘fat’ clothes and ‘thin’ clothes. If you’ve lost weight and the ‘fat’ clothes no longer fit, get rid of them. It doesn’t matter if you’ve only worn them once, if you keep your ‘fat’ clothes, you’re just allowing yourself to put the weight back on because you’ll have something else to slip into

3) eat properly at the table. Eating your meal sat in front of the computer is as bad as eating in front of the telly. You’re more likely to gain weight because you continue to snack.

4) Don’t buy food in bulk. According to re-searchers at Cor-nell University’s Food and Brand Lab, the greater

the quantity of food we buy, the more we will eat. They claim that 50% of the snack foods bought in bulk are consumed within 6 days.

5) Don’t force yourself to eat every-thing on your plate. We’ve been brought up to not leave food on the plate and it’s a practice we pass on to our children. How-ever, when you start to feel full, you should stop. If you consistently feel full and there’s still food left over, you know you have to decrease portion size. Babies and small children are very good at knowing when they are full (although it can be hard to tell as an adult whether they are just playing up.) However, as we grow up and, if we are used to eating to over-filling, then our sensations of initial fullness become dampened. In some parts of Japan, the people routinely eat until they are 80% full and no more.

6) Break before dessert. Try to get into the habit of stopping after a meal, perhaps to clear away, before deciding whether you really need pudding. If you are full, the dessert could be eaten later when you can appreciate it better. But if you go straight from main meal into pudding, you are hard-ly leaving time for the brain to receive ‘full-up’ signals from the stomach.

7) The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight. This could be down the fact that as we age, we start to lose muscle. As each pound of muscle burns 50 calories

while at rest, it’s sensible to try to maintain that by exercising. If you do a rapid weight-loss diet, you will lose some muscle, as well as water and fat. However, once you start eating as normal, you gain more fat and the muscle is harder to regain.

8) Reverse your meals. Eat a hearty breakfast, a good lunch and a pauper’s din-ner.

9) Have yoghurt and cheese. Researchers in Denmark discov-ered that consuming high-calci-um dairy products helped you lose fat. One theory put for-ward is that the calcium com-bines with the fat, this cannot be absorbed in the intestines so is excreted out of the body in the faeces. Not everyone upholds this theory, and a study in Perth, Australia is currently underway

to see if taking a dairy supplement would help with weight loss. This is the first study being undertaken exclusively on overweight people as almost all previous research was done on lean subjects. In the meantime, you could try the dairy fat-loss theory yourself, although low-fat is best if you are aiming for fat loss.

HealTH, beaUTY & faSHiOn40Your Hair & Beauty advice column

by Jade & staff at The Perfect Gift Salon

The Hair We all love to keep up

with the latest fashions, whether it’s with our clothes, shoes, make-up or our hair. Well this season is a particular favourite of mine as its

styles have the wow factor without being over the top or silly looking. I particularly love the hair fashions as it can be worn by the young or the more mature alike, and looks great in all colours. It will also suit every face shape. Your hair stylist will cut your hair in the best shape to suit your features, which can be very flattering, and they will then dye it with YOUR choice of colours. The

bolder the contrast of colours, the more eye catching your new look will be, so work with your stylist to get that wow factor. Don’t be afraid to let your stylist go wild with the tones. If you have dark hair use a really light colour to go with it, and if you are normally fair or blond, you could choose from an array of colours, from red, burgundy, blue, black or any rich shade that will work really well together. Don’t forget that the two tones will look great on long and short styles.

The VajazzleI think by now that we have all heard of T.O.W.I.E and what all the girls are raving about, and that is vajazzling! Although the original vajazzles are gener-

ally placed in the private areas of the ladies body, they can also be put an-ywhere that you want to add a special twinkle. The vajazzles are great fun and there are lots of designs to choose

from. Now that the warmer weather is here and we are baring more skin, why not be unique with a sparkle of your own. The beautician would place them on the skin with body glue and they should, if you’re careful, last about a week or so.

The lashes.As I mentioned in last week’s column, long thick lashes are an absolute must in the fashion world, and the Hollywood lashes

look fantastic on the eyes. Your beautician would place each lash to your own with per-manent glue, which should last at least 3 months with a few in-fills. There are different lengths to choose from and your beautician will advise you on which is most suitable. You can go as thick and long as you wish, but I often advise my clients to start on a medium length and go longer and thicker as you get used to them.for beauty and hair advice, email us at: [email protected]

This season’s hottest hair and beauty trend!

How to maintain a healthy weight


Dita Von Teese has always been known for her 50s style look and sen-sual burlesque performances, and now she’s putting all that sex appeal into a new line of lingerie. Having formerly modelled lingerie for some of the best fashion designers like Vivienne Westwood and Jean Paul Gaultier, she knows what it takes to make those gar-ments sell. Currently, her Von Follies line of vintage inspired pieces including stockings, over-wire bras, high waisted briefs, garter belts, and chemises, became available ex-clusively in Target Australia stores starting earlier this month. The inspiration for the Von Follies line came from Dita’s long fascination with lingerie, her own personal collection, and her experience working in a lingerie store. “From age 16 I worked in a lingerie store, and I had a very strong interest in the history of underpinnings and how styles changed from decade to decade. Even at age sixteen, I wanted to be a lin-gerie expert, so I did everything I could to learn about it! I started collecting vintage lingerie at a young age, and my love for it is what led me to imitate pinup art of the 1940s, and that is what sparked my career as it is now.” It was also important to Dita that the line be for women of all shapes and sizes

but still re-main glamor-ous, sophis-ticated and feminine. Ac-centuat ing a woman’s curves and s i l h o u e t t e was a big part of the design of the pieces, s o m eth i n g she has be-come fa-mous for do-ing herself.

HealTH, beaUTY & faSHiOn 41THE GAIA APOTHECARY QUALIFIED MEDICAL HERBALIST

THE LOWER RESPIRATORY SYSTEM by Meg Glaister

From printed perennials and beaded blossoms to appliqué blooms, spring’s florals are a delightfully mixed bunch. At Christopher Kane, an explosion of flowery stickers beneath a bed of sheer organza signalled a very modern take on the trend, while you couldn’t help but fall in love with Erdem’s signature florals and their grown-up allure.

A cough is nature’s way of cleansing the air passages and should not be suppressed. There are many herbs to help the body to heal itself and clear away the cause of the irritation. not all herbs are available at the Herb-alarios in Tenerife so i will tell you the herbs which are available and their Spanish names in brackets. A dry, irritating, hacking cough can devel-op from an infection in the nose or throat or be caused by pollution in the air such as smoke and dust. An Infection in the lungs can lead to bronchitis or pneumonia if left untreated

therefore, it is important to start the treatment as soon as possible. Make an infusion of 15gr Echinacea (equinacea) 10gr hyssop (hisopo) and 5gr thyme (tomillo) in 500ml hot water. Take 60ml 4 to 6 times a day. Echinacea is ex-cellent for fighting infections. Hyssop and thyme are expectorants which will loosen and expel mucus with antiviral and anti-bacterial properties. Thyme is also an an-tispasmodic which reduces spasms in the chest. If there is a fever add 10 gr of elder (sau-co) and 10 gr of lime flowers (tila) to the infusion.

Garlic honey is also very effective. Chop 4 cloves of garlic and cover with 100ml of runny honey. Leave overnight to macerate then strain off the juice. Take a teaspoon-ful as often as required. A syrup is a good way for children to take herbs. These can be made the same way as garlic honey using 30gr of dried herb. Take 1 tablespoon 3 to 6 times a day or 1 to 2 teaspoonfuls 3 to 4 times a day for children. Syrups will keep indefinitely in a dark place. Thyme or hyssop are good syr-ups to keep in your cupboard to be used at the first signs of coughs and colds. Mango juice will help ease a dry irritating

cough, especially at bedtime. If any infection persists it is always best to seek professional advice. There are many more herbs that are stronger, but are not available in the Herbalarios. Any long standing disease needs to be treated properly by a qualified person as everyone is different and will need different treat-ment. if you have any health topics you wish me to discuss on this page or would like information or a consultation please feel free to contact Meg Glaister dbTh MirCH on 649 529 703.

Darling BudsSexy Lingerie Line

by Dita Von Teese

The Retro Lookby Dita Von Teese

Christopher Kane Valentino

Valentino

Christopher Kane

Louis Vuitton

Louis Vuitton

Louis

Vuitton

Dior


A shortage of a different kind has hit the capital of New Jersey this week after a budget stalemate between the mayor and the city council. Trenton Mayor Tony Mack says the city council have refused to budge with suppliers over an order after refusing to pay $4000 for paper cups. Although now the cups have been delet-ed from the order the city council will not sign the $42,000 contract for any more of the paper suppliers delivery, already leaving supplies in government buildings including City hall seriously low. The mayor went on to say there will be none left at all in the city by March 16th unless the ex-pense is approved. Perhaps they could recycle instead of shredding.

And finally ... Residents of a North Yorkshire seaside town have been left bemused after a 50m long knitted ‘scarf’ featuring scenes from the Olympics appeared overnight. The woolly figures have mysteriously ap-peared on the Victorian pier in Saltburn - cre-ated by an unknown knitter or knitters.The scarf, which is attached to the pier’s rail-ings, incorporates a number of Olympic dis-ciplines.Carefully rendered knitted figures, taking

in everything from cycling to synchronised swimming to gymnastics, can be found every couple of feet along the eye-catching displayThis isn’t the first time the anonymous ‘Salt-burn Yarnbomber’ has struck. Previously they have decorated lamp-posts, railings and buildings throughout the town with a number of knitted figures.‘Yarnbombing’ is a growing craze that sees knitted items attached to public places as a kind of woollen graffiti. Police say the culprit is proberbly following a pattern, Catch more Wildes World next week or eve-ry saturday 12 till 3 only on Coast fm

In a recent study in Psychology Today entitled “Love without Trust Is Not Love At All” It suggested the following:Trust is an essential part of love.In fact, love without trust is not love at all.We give to the person we love a special access to us as human beings. We entrust to them our minds, our hearts, and our souls.How a partner handles that trust is no small thing. In fact, how a partner handles that trust determines the success, (or the failure) of every love relationship. Unsurprisingly the majority of replies to the blog were from women, not that men have less feelings, they just tend to express them badly in public forums! One woman wrote: Wow! For (at least some) women, they give their trust to men who do not deserve it. [And conversely, they fail to give their trust to men who do deserve it.] Where as a man wrote regarding his love of baseball and his lack of understanding as to why his wife believed he loved his game more than her. The reason, he came back from his game late 3 times in a row. He failed to see that his tardiness made her believe it was more im-portant to him than her. His actions outweighed his words!This is probably one of the reasons that the best-selling novel ‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus’ by

John Gray was exactly that, although it is unlikely that it was the men that bought it. Men tend to be very simple creatures, feed me, love me, be happy and I will be too. However this isn’t neces-sarily the case. Following the era of metro sexual man, and things like male grooming, men found a more sensi-tive side which could be freely explored. Conversations rose up between friends regarding feeling rather than just football. Whether they had realised it or not, fellas let home life and work life problems get to them just as much as the women. And a revolution in a generation, now gave them the platform they needed to be open…….. With mates!!! Sharing the information between the male/female di-vide however was a different story. Even if the problem troubling man was one of emotional content, to share this with woman would require trust, and being the sim-ple creature he is, trust could only come from love (for fear of looking stupid). Being a bloke, I think some of these quotes from Dr Joyce Brothers may make it simpler for other blokes to follow, and also help the women who struggle daily to put things into words for their fellas. “Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reac-tions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.”“The best proof of love is trust.” “Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means that you’ve become a comfortable, trusted element in

another person’s life.” “I think we should follow a simple rule: if we can take the worst, take the risk.” “Those who have easy, cheerful attitudes tend to be happier than those with less pleasant temperaments, re-gardless of money, ‘making it’, or success.” I could replace all of these sayings with the titles of some wonderful moments in music from some masters of comedy who could have lived here.Always look on the bright side of life: Monty pythonDon’t worry, be happy: Bobby McFerrinSmile: Charlie Chaplin The best things in life are free: (OK so that’s Janet Jack-son)….. Till next week DM.

As regular readers of my columns will be aware, I don’t normally do the copy and paste thing, I do always try to be honest with my opinions and generally speaking, what I write about is the things that have affected my week. This week has seen old conflicts from past discussion raise their heads again, from peoples worth being disre-spected to former occupants of our little island being de-famatory about Tenerife since they left. Despite the fact it was very kind to them in their time here. All of this I have covered before, so I thought that this week I would, instead “share the love” or repair it for those who have, in these difficult times, lost a little faith or trust in their reasons for being together. On a more sombre note, This week 2 gentleman were taken from us, both passed too soon, both always had a smile and a cheer in their hearts. Neither were family to me, but it would have been a privilege to have been so. Both left with dignity, both will be missed by the people whose lives they touched. I hope that when my time comes, I am remembered as they are to me…. Always in our thoughts, David and Jim.

WILDE’S WORLD

by dave Michaels

Another issue and another look into the weird and more unusual news

stories of the week.

Hope everyone is ok and enjoying the weather, this weeks look at some of the more unusal news stories starts with the uk and the weather. With a couple of weeks before the official british summertime kicks in already seven water companies cov-ering south-east england and east anglia have annonced Hosepipe bans. With the driest start to the year in over 100 years water restrictions are already in place. not to unusal you may say as it happens almost every year but... advice is always given on saving water,The environment agency are asking householders to do far more beyond the “hosepipe ban”. Shower instead of bath saves water but wait for it, “pee in the shower”. Yes householders are now being asked to help

conserve our natural resourses by going while you wash. You can save a minimum of 58 gallons of water per year, per person in your household by just peeing in the shower once a day instead of the toilet, mindblowing new meaning to “Wash and go”on with the rest of the news.

Wilde’S WOrld / WHO raTTled YOUr CaGe?42

Men Are From Mars

Lost in thepaperwork

Its slogan may be ‘every little helps’ but it seems a Tesco discount on Apple’s latest iPad was just too good to be true.

A glitch on the Tesco Direct web-

site offered the new Apple tablet for only £49.99 – a 90 per cent discount on the recommended retail price of around £500. Hundreds of shoppers raced to buy the iPad Wi-fi 4G 64GB black model, which was advertised on the supermarket’s site tuesday evening. At one point the website crashed, Tesco Direct then caught wind of the error and suspended transactions cancelling purchases and refunding any money paid. In October last year Tesco stores were besieged by bargain hunters after a com-puter glitch saw Terry’s Chocolate Oranges sold for 29p each. Another publicity stunt i thinks....

Every little helps A German designer has created a bizarre

new range of shoes - from dead animal parts. Iris Schieferstein, 45, spends months creating high heel horse hooves, stilet-tos from snake skins and sandals sculpted from doves. Ms Schieferstein, who designed a pair of horse hooves for Lady Gaga, sells the shoes for up to £3,900. She collects the dead animals from her local butcher in Berlin, then spends a week stripping out the meat and bones from the animal’s feet before the skin is sent to a

tanner to be preserved. The sculptor then sets the skin - complete with fur still in place - around a shoe model before doing any needlework to add insoles and lining. She said: “I love horses

and I love shoes so I thought this would be perfect. Horses have a beautiful walk and I wanted to recreate that with my footwear. “Once the shoes are made I wear them to make sure they work, although they would not be suitable to wear around the house.” Perhaps better down on the farm or even at the races..

Bizzare Boots


CalderS COnfeSSiOnS 43

Calder spent twelve years work-ing as pa and Co-presenter with Jeremy kyle on various radio sta-tions and has now joined the team at Coast fM where he answers listeners´dilemmas each Sunday night on the airwaves. We are also very grateful to have him here, answering your questions and queries as part of the Tenerife Weekly team. if you have an issue you can`t overcome or just need general help and confidential advice, why not email Calder: [email protected]

CaldersConfessions

I had an affair around the time I got pregnant, but I never thought it could have been the other guy’s baby as we al-ways used contraception. My daughter is now 2 years old and is starting look like the other man. I’m wor-ried that my boyfriend isn’t her dad, but I don’t want to hurt him. Should I come clean?Jayne

Shouldn’t you have thought about your boyfriends feelings a few years ago or am I missing the

point here? To be perfectly honest, I

would be more concerned about your daughter. Isn’t

it only right and proper for her to know who here real father is?

You should speak to your GP and see what the options are in terms of having a DNA test carried out. Of course that means you’re going to have to face the music somewhere along the line but what other choice do you have? Think about it, if these nagging doubts are bothering you now, ten years into the future they’ll be a hundred times worse. You made a mistake and you’re just going to have face that Jayne. Ultimately, there are three people this af-fects, your daughter, your boyfriend and the guy you jumped into bed with. They all deserve to know the truth don’t they? If I were you, I’d sort this out sooner rather than later because until you do, its just going to eat away at you.

‘Who’s the daddy?’ I have tried so desperately to get my

friend to talk to me. We had a huge fall-ing out a few years ago and we haven’t talked since, but we had been friends since we were kids. She ignores my texts, email and letters. I have even been to her house, but her husband wouldn’t let me see her. Do I move on? I really do miss her terribly.Wendy

Perhaps one of the hardest things in life is knowing when to quit Wendy. Right now anything and everything you do seems to push your friend yet

further away so maybe its time to give up and see if she comes to you? There’s no way on earth you will ever be able to change the way she feels, only she can do that. I know its hard and its obvious that you miss her but the more you pester her, the more you’ll alienate her. If you stop all contact and she doesn’t come back to you, at least you’ll be able to draw a curtain over that part of your own life and move on. You’ve spent two years worrying about this so whatever happens, you know yourself its time to put an end to it

‘I want my friend back’

‘I want my own home’ I’ve been renting from the council for 6 years now, ever since I moved out of home. All I want in life is my own home to look after but I don’t think I’ll ever get it. My boyfriend is useless and doesn’t work half the time. I do my best to get all the overtime my job will give me but it’s no use. Life is just never going to treat me right.Ariana

Good things come to those who wait Ari-ana. The current economic climate doesn’t exactly favour first time buyers but that’s not to say its impossible. As you obviously know, first and fore-

most, you do need a deposit. In that re-spect, its a long hard slog of scrimping and saving but, ultimately its worth it. As for your boyfriend? Its down to you to decide what to do but if you both have different hopes and dreams for the fu-ture, you may well need to rethink the re-lationship. Have you spoken to him properly about this? Maybe sitting down one night and outlining what you’re trying to do will open his eyes to the fact that you seri-ously need his help. All you can do is try and I know that one of the hardest things in life is being true to yourself but that’s exactly what you need to do if you want to turn your dream into a reality.


Some truly amazing aspects occur this week - coinciding with the Last Quarter Moon - and which highlights career issues. So yes, you could reach a turning point. Given that Mercury is now retrograde it’s possible you’ll be asked back to a place to help out. Though financially this might seem a good thing, it could also be a distraction. (It probably depends on the time line). The good news is that others clearly want you on their team. It may be that keeping these contacts in good shape is of long-term value. Any financial bonus isn’t to be disregarded either. The art may be to find ways of keeping other pots on the fire still simmering. Here you might need help - and perhaps from a Sagittarius who believes in you and your plans.

Mercury is now retrograde - and in a Fire sign. You may find that the energy others appeared to have available last week is now sizzling a little - perhaps even in danger of dying out. Maybe they feel practicalities are too much for them to handle? Your help and advice might not just be welcomed but even listened to. Tempting as it may be to smooth their path as much as possible, you perhaps need to leave them to find their feet - which could take until Mercury stations early next month. In the interim, real progress could be made with a property matter. This looks as though it’s far more than the usual spring-cleaning and decorating needs for this time of year - and more to do with your need

to have your environment express a new ‘you’.

Though domestic disruption may have started some weeks ago, it seems there’s more to come and that until mid-April you may not know where you are from day to day. That might also be true at work. And yet, in both areas it seems progress is being made. This week the implications of recent successes should be apparent. You may find too - that as was the case a couple of weeks ago - there are choices for you to make. True, you might not get fully into your stride on these new projects until the Sun enters Taurus on 20th of next month. This week though it shouldn’t be hard to experience a feeling of quiet satisfaction - with just the possibility of something to celebrate midweek. It wouldn’t

be surprising if this involved a partnership arrangement.

Last week’s Last Quarter Moon (Thursday 15th) is in your sign. It might be worth thinking back to your birthday period in 2009 and reviewing all that’s happened since then. Are you now ready for the next stage? Might it be that your financial circumstances have now changed considerably and that it’s time to review long-term plans? It could be that through a partner or relative there are more decisions to be made (specifically in how you look after a legacy or inheritance). Joint financial matters seem certain to command attention. With Mercury now retrograde in another of the Fire sign you might also review the way in which you approach risk. With what appears to be a ‘lucky break’ being offered, thinking

carefully about how you can build security could be high priority. In this respect, and not for the first time, those born under Taurus and Libra may have significant roles to play.

As you may know, those of your sign seem sensitive to the cycles of both Mars and Pluto. This week those two planets are a third of a cycle apart (traditionally seen as a ‘good’ thing). More than that, they are configured with both Venus and Jupiter and with a Last Quarter Moon - all of which suggests that this could prove one amazing week. There’s even the possibility of experiencing good fortune through others - and in, perhaps, a rather unexpected way. Someone whom you may have thought of as doing little could pull the proverbial rabbit from the hat - and just in time. Though you may sense that not everything has been sufficiently well thought through, what transpires suggests recovery

- even if that means (in the short term) drastic action. With your energy levels high, you might also feel embold-ened to take risks that a week ago would have seemed foolhardy.

Mercury is now retrograde in your opposite sign - which might mean that others come round to ideas you’ve been incubating over the last year but which, as yet, they haven’t adopted. With a rare grand trine forming in the sky within hours of the Last Quarter Moon on Thursday, it’s also possible that a little luck will head your way. Something you’ve written may have had bigger impact than you’d imagined. It might also be that you’re offered a travel opportunity that really is too good to miss. A further possibility is that a partner will have very good news to share. Your business brain may be tested to the full. Perhaps it’s time for you to give greater thought to long-term investments and

pension-planning? And then there’s activity on the domestic front which seems to involve moving furniture and space-clearing.

Your ruling planet is now retrograde in one of the Fire signs - and it may be someone born under Aries, Leo or Sagittarius who effects a change of heart or adopts a new pace and thus makes life so much easier for you. There is a sense in which it seems you’re building up to something big in time for the last Quarter Moon on 15th. This may have been in the pipeline for a couple of years. This then may be make or break time. Recall that Neptune has now begun its long, slow movement through your opposite sign and that this will have some effect on your natural creativity. At one level you may feel you’ve lost impetus in fulfilling a dream. It’s as likely that you’re ready to explore new ones. What you

suggest at the beginning of the week may have real ‘legs’.

Mercury starts a retrograde period in another of the Fire signs and yes, there may be moments when you feel you’ve lost a little sizzle. This is, perhaps, the cosmos’ way of asking you to accept a different pace. So very much can be achieved in the next few days - and all of it practical, grounded and of long-term benefit. Yes, there will be snags along the way, but effort put in now should ensure these don’t sabotage the work you’ve put in this far. True, you may be asked to think bigger and out of your comfort zone and yes, you could come across someone who is even more determined than you can be. The art may be to let their energy propel things along and save your fire for when it’s needed

toward the end of the month.

You may have been resistant to technology in the past but now find you have a fascination - or that you simply have to learn new skills. With Mercury retrograde this issue is unlikely to go away. It may well prove easier to accept the assistance of someone more familiar than you are with these things and start training (or purchase the items) you need. At many levels it seems you’ll be reaching out. Of course, it could be that you’re being pushed by someone who’s decided you’re using displacement activity to avoid dealing with certain matters. Truth - what it is and how it’s told - could play on your mind greatly making it important that you read documents extra carefully and take a good witness

with you if you attend key meetings.

True, a series of apparently positive aspects focused on your sign suggest you could make break-throughs (experience luck?) this week. It’s as likely though that you’ll be closing a chapter and declar-ing your intention to move on. If you’ve been awaiting the ‘perfect’ moment to break a habit, then the time may be now. Certainly it seems you won’t be short on support if you do need to face big challenges. It’s the big issues - life, death, and the meaning of it all which may have much of your at-tention - which includes thoughts on legacies and the area to which you feel you belong. It might even be that you plan a journey directly connected to these thoughts. If there is a proviso it’s that your

imagination could run riot - which might not be helpful.

MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT

with Liana Mẽ Aly Ah• International Intuitive •Life Enhancement Coach • Spiritual Mentor

More and more people are looking for alternative methods of pain relief and cures from disease. Whilst modern med-icine has its place, it has always fought disease with some kind of pill. More and more women struggling with their lives are prescribed anti depressant drugs and other forms of tranquilizers. Our pain is literally lining the pharmaceuti-cal company’s pockets. There has always been other ways to help our bodies heal, but as a human race, we look for a quick fix and someone else to take re-sponsibility, and change things for us. Actu-ally, we all have the power to heal ourselves from any disease.

I have a friend who had a tumour the size

of a golf ball in her leg. Anna-bel was given

months to live, but decided not

to listen to what t h e medical profession had to

say. Finding out about her disease was her first port of call, then she decided not to acknowledge it. Her diet changed and she developed a plan. One afternoon she decided she would make a small business card with her picture on it, and the words… “Annabel is getting better and better each day…Please forward this on and email who you are and where in the world you are.” This card was given to friends and acquaintances, and more to anyone who would hold it read it and pass it on. At home, in her kitchen, she had a map of the world and every time someone con-tacted her, she would put a pin in the place where the cards reached. Keeping a very positive attitude, meditating on her body being healthy, changing her diet and looking after herself, bit by bit she recovered. Doc-tors were mystified at how, with each scan, the golf ball got smaller and smaller until it disappeared altogether. Annabel was given a clean bill of health, months later and the doctors were mystified, concluding they had made a mistake somewhere, as they could not believe the miracle that had happened. So what happened

with Annabel really? Well firstly, she took responsibility for her health, changing her diet to non- cancer-ous foods, feeding herself on optimum

foods for her body to regenerate itself. Taking the time to sit with her disease, and decide not to accept it in her mind that her body was ill, she found the strength to make a plan. Meeting alternative healers and get-

ting treatments whenever she could helped, and the card she invented, went around the world and was in many homes, and the power of the written word in thousands of people’s minds, helped the universe work with Anna-bel. Imagine that every time someone got that card, and read the message….Annabel is getting better and better, so many people saying that phrase worldwide affected the collective consciousness and Annabel did in-deed get better. This is a true story and one that the doc-tors could not work out. So, we have the power to heal ourselves. There are so many alternative methods of working with our bodies these days, and some are ancient ways passed down from one generation to the next. Whilst there may be some wonderful technical advances in health these days; there are so many tradi-tional ways to help your self also.

In this country and so many o t h e r s , more and more people are training themselves to help oth-

ers in non invasive ways. For example, Chi-nese Medicine, Herbs, Aromatherapy, Medical and spiritual massage, Energy work, Colour, Sound, Reiki, are all ways of helping the body heal. As an Ascension Coach I work on an en-ergetic level with my clients to find the pain and then the source of the pain. Releasing it, on an energetic level, releases the blockage and allows the body to heal. All pain held in our body is by thoughts and experiences we have had. Giving us a red flag to deal with it. When we heal the emotional attachment to the situations, that have caused the pain in our body, then our body responds and the pain disappears. I am available for one to one sessions. Are you ready to let go and heal?

neWS neWS neWS Mind body soul fair 18th march Vincci Tener-ife Golf hotel 11am-9pm

neW MeDiTATiOn CLASSeSCallao learning centre, callao salvaje, Wednes-day evenings 7-9 pm.Vincci Tenerife Golf hotel golf del sur, Thurs-day evenings 7-9pm.Polercise Flamingo club las americas, Friday mornings 10-12am. For more info and to register for each class.Contact me on 672 994 666 or [email protected] info on www.liana.lovie.comUntil next week, LIANA MẼ ALY AH

Mercury turns retrograde in your sign - which doesn’t mean you’’’ slow down or walk backwards! It probably says something about the need to review a relationship. Is it possible you’ve called ‘quits’ too early or that you’re being guided by an expert who’s not actually moving you forwards? It’s just possible you might effect a u-turn on Monday. Of course, another possibility is that you’ll click with someone new altogether. Whatever, it’s through a union that it appears you’ll stabilise and at last feel confident True, there may still be several hurdles to overcome - this week though you should feel as though you have the right ‘army’ around you. One proviso - the attractions of luxury may be irresist-

ible - take care you don’t over-spend around the last quarter Moon.

This could prove a week to remember! Not only might your social life expand but you could find your-self in considerable professional demand - and mainly because others are talking about your special gifts (crisis management skills?!). With Mercury now retrograde (and so going back over degrees it’s covered in the last couple of weeks), you may find others turn to you to help resolve issues that have developed because decisions were taken in too big a hurry in the first place. And yes, you could feel empowered. Fabulous as all this might sound, it could all prove too much - a feast when all you really needed was a decent meal. So don’t be surprised if you conclude the working week depleted in energy.

Perhaps you could then allow others to nurture you instead of the other way round (They may be looking for the opportunity).

Taurus - Apr 20 - May 20

Gemini - May 21 - June 20

Cancer - June 21 - July 22

Leo - July 23 - Aug 22

Virgo - Aug 23 - Sept 22

Libra - Sept 23 - Oct 22

Scorpio - Oct 23 - Nov 21

Sagittarius - Nov 22 - Dec21

Capricorn - Dec 22 - Jan 19

Aquarius - Jan 19 - Feb18

Pisces - Feb 19 - Mar20

Aries - Mar 21 - Apr 19

Weekly Horoscopes

QUESTIONS & ANSWERSI am Spiritual agony aunt, and will answer any concerns or questions anyone may have about their difficulties in life or curiosity into the spiritual field. Or if anyone wants to give me topics to discuss here, please contact me, [email protected]

pSYCHe / HOrOSCOpeS44

ALTERNATIVE HEALING - l


When it comes to drill-ing for oil in the harsh and u n p r e d i c t -able Arctic, Shell has gone to the dogs, it seems, a d a c h s h u n d and two bor-der collies to be specific.

The dogs’ ability to sniff out oil spills be-neath snow and ice has been tested and paid for by Shell – and other oil companies and government research organisations –

in preparation for the industry’s entry into the forbidding Arctic terrain. The company hopes to begin drilling for oil off the north-west coast of Alaska in June. However, the campaign group Greenpeace said dachshund sniffer dogs were not the answer. “The idea that small dogs can track leaking oil deep under the Arctic pack ice in the middle of winter is absurd,” said Ben Ayliffe, Arctic campaigner for Greenpeace. “The fact that they are pay-ing good money to seriously use this as an option shows how much they are scrabbling around for a solution.” It’s another interesting concept...let’s see if it takes off!

This beautiful 10 year old cockier spaniel was picked up last week on the streets of Arona, what a shame , such a gorgeous dog. i’m sure she can tell a tale or two as to why she ended up unloved and uncared for, her coat matter and riddled with fleas. Shes now on the road to recovery at Acción Del Sol and is seeking a new loving home where she can enjoy her twilight years free of pain and suffering. Acción Del Sols staff work very hard every day to care for the many refuge dogs , there duties include to name but a few, feeding, collecting the dog mess, which is taken to the legal site PIRS for disposal, cleaning the kennels with specialist wash / vac machines to insure a clean and sterile environment for the dogs to live in, socialising the many dogs so they can live in very small groups, showing visitors around, washing and grooming, as-sisting the vets and much much more. All these jobs are very important, if animal welfare is not done in a correct or good way then the dogs will suffer and the dogs will get very sick in a very short time, especially with Tenerifes high temperatures and the infections that calimas bring. Imagine the task of giving every dog in the refuge there monthly flea and heart worm treatment which is vital for the welfare of the dogs. The water used at the refuge for cleaning is recycled to water the many plants at the refuge. All there products used for cleaning are environmentally friendly. Chiquito is a 1 year old male dog and Nieve is a 2 and a half month old female dog, both of them are looking for a new

loving home. If you do have any spare time please do go and help at the refuge whether its walking a dog or two , playing with the pup-pies or just to visit the refuge. Acción Del Sol is open Mon-day - Friday 3-6pm or call 922 778 630 for more information.

peTS’ paGe 45

Pets’ CornerWelcome to

Tenerife Weekly’s pets’ pageMy name is Steph and some of you may have heard me on Coast FM each Thurs-day when I try to find good homes for fantastic pets.

Each week this page will be filled with both useful and entertaining informa-tion to keep you up to date with the world of pets here in the Canaries.

This Week With WaggytailsWelcome to the cute and fuzzy section of the Tenerife Weekly where we talk about all things ani-mal! Remember that you can send your photos and funny stories to me! The pet section also offers information from Karen at the Accion del Sol Refuge and the staff at el Madroñal Veterinary Surgery.

Can you help one of the featured animals?

Have you an article of interest?

Does your pet deserve a feature?

Drop me an email at [email protected]

Acción del Sol’s weekly news

Paws forThought:

FOUnD - a yellow labrador has been found on the las Chafiras roundabout. He is only young and very friendly. is he yours?

please email [email protected] or call 628 859 973

Dog & Cat Grooming628 859 973/938 023 000

24 Hour Vets:Fanabe - 617 483 707

El Medano - 607 346 183Playa San Juan – 922 832 344If you find an abandoned dog :

Arona - 010 Everywhere else – 112

Well OIL be blown!

Useful Numbers

The LittleDogs’ Home

Busy busy as usual at The Lit-tle Dogs’ Home where they now house almost 30 unwanted and abandoned dogs.

The two little Shih Tzus are doing well and now that they are free of the matts and fleas they are happy as anything! However, in spite of they’re tireless ef-forts Chris, Babs and Brod could benefit from another pair of hands and so if you are at a loos end why not spare a few hours to help at the refuge. They can be called on 672 917 193.


Oreganoplant: perennial,Height: 60-80cmSoil: average, well drainedexposure: sunpropagation: seeds, cuttings Oregano—also known as wild marjo-ram—is closely related to sweet marjo-ram. It is also a perennial and grows to about 60-80cm. The leaves are rounded and come to a blunt point at the tip, but often are larger and coarser than those of sweet marjoram and have a darker green colour. Small, purplish pink blos-soms grow at the ends of the stems. Oregano is shrubby and tends to spread by invasive underground stems. Oregano grows in well drained, good garden soil where plants receive full sun.

It requires routine wa-tering. Like sweet marjo-ram, the flow-ers should be kept cut back to encourage

bushiness and thick foliage. It makes a good container plant but should be re-placed about every 3 years when it be-comes woody. Grow new plants from seeds or by dividing an established plant. The leaves have a sharper flavour than sweet marjoram and taste a little of thyme. Use them fresh or dried in the same foods you would marjoram or thyme, especially Italian and Spanish or Mexican dishes.

Parsleyplant: biennialHeight: 15-30cmSoil: moist, moderately richexposure: shade, partial sunpropagation: seeds There are several species of parsley,

but the curly French parsley (Petroseli-num crispum) is the most popular in the garden because of its decorative foliage. The leaves are tufted and finely cut with serrated or toothed edges and wrinkled surfaces. Italian, or plain-leafed, parsley (P. c. var. filicinurn) is more favoured by many cooks because it has more flavour than French parsley, but the latter reigns supreme as a garnish for many different foods. The 15-30cm plants are biennial flowering in their second year but most gardeners treat them as annuals, starting anew from seeds each year. Grow parsley in sun-filtered shade or morning sun and afternoon shade, and in partially moist soil that is moderately rich. Buy small plants of parsley from the nurs-ery, or sow seeds where they are to grow in December through May for Tenerife’s mild winters. Soak the seeds in warm wa-ter for 24 hours before planting as they usually take several weeks to sprout. Sew seedlings 6 to 8 inches apart. This herb is a favourite so you will probably want a quantity of plants. Parsley is used fresh as a garnish, and fresh or dried in many different foods such as vegetables, meats, stews, cas-seroles, salads, soups, and eggs. Harvest the leaves be-fore the plants flower: once the flower spikes form, the leaves become bitter tasting.

Rosemaryplant: perennialHeight: 0.6-2mSoil: dry, poor, well drainedexposure: sunpropagation: seeds, cuttings As our winters are mild enough, rosemary is an outstanding shrub-

by perennial for permanent landscape use. There are several varieties of Rosmari-nus officinalis that grow between 60cm - 2m high (depending on variety) and can be used for ground covers and hedges. The leaves of all varieties are narrow and needle-like (similar to pine needles) and are glossy green on the top and a lighter, grey-green underneath. Their aroma is resinous and pine-like. Small clusters of light lavender-blue flowers 30cm wide cover the foliage in summer and spring, although you nearly always will find a few flowers through-out the rest of the year. With age, the stems become woody and gnarled, giv-ing plants a rugged appearance. The variety ‘Trostratus’ is the lowest growing to about 60cm and makes an excellent ground cover or low hedge. Its branches twist and curve and will grace-fully spill over a wall or creep around rocks. Rigid, upright branches and darker blue flowers are typical of ‘Tuscan Blue’. The varieties ‘Collingwood Ingram’ and ‘Lockwood de Forest’ both have bluer flowers than the species and are lower growing. Rosemary will endure hot sun and

poor soil, as long as it is well drained. In very hot climates, it requires little water once it is estab-lished. It responds well to container culture and can be grown indoors. Use the leaves fresh or dried with chicken, meats (especially lamb), stews, and vegetables. A tea can also be brewed from

them. Use a branch of rosemary as

a brush for applying barbe-cue sauce to chicken and burn sprigs in the

coals just before the chicken is done—the smoke will impart

rosemary’s charac-teristic flavour to

the meat.

EmergenciesEmergency services (all) 112National Police 091Local police 092Ambulance 061Fire Brigade 080Guardia Civil 062

Pharmacy informa-tion and locator (24 hours)922 282 424Citizen information010Lost property092Postal services902 197 197International operator11825Local operator11818Tourist information922 605 590

Tour operators (in alphabetical or-der)Cosmos922 793 802Thomas Cook922 757 409Thomson922 798 607TUI922 777 720

TransportBusesTITSA (Tenerife’s public bus company)922 531 300

The “Bono-Bus” discount card can be purchased from all TITSA stations and terminals and reduces the cost of transport by up to 30%

Radio taxis922 641 112922 747 511Note: taxi cabs display a “SP” (servicio público) plate on the rear of the car.

TFS - Tenerife Sur Airport (Reina Sofía)For flights from Spanish mainland and nearly all scheduled international flightsFlight information902 404 704(line open 24 hours)Airport information922 759 000Tourist information922 392 037

TFN - Tenerife North Air-port (Los Rodeos)For all domestic flights and some international and mainland servicesFlight information902 404 704(lines open 24 hours)General information922 635 800

National ferry servicesArmas902 456 500Fred Olsen922 628 252

Tourist offices (in alphabetical order)Costa Adeje922 750 633El Médano922 176 002La Laguna922 631 194La Orotava922 323 041Las Galletas922 730 133Los Cristianos922 757 137Los Llanos de Aridane922 401 899Playa de las Américas922 796 668Playa de las Vistas922 787 011Puerto de la Cruz922 386 000Santa Cruz de Tenerife922 289 394Santiago del Teide922 860 348

Tenerife Sur Tourist Office (Main Tourist Office)902 003 121

Multi-lingual police central office902 102 112Call this number and ask for an English operator to make an official report or complaint.Local police 922 757 006Red CrossEmergencies and ambu-lances922 281 800

Hospitals and Medical centres(answering machine)094Hospital Las Américas, Playa de Las Américas922 750 022Playa de las AméricasCentro Médicos Del Sur922 791 000Candelaria Hospital922 602 000

Irish Consulate922 745 671

British ConsulateAddress:Plaza Wayler,8, 1o, 38003Santa Cruz de Tenerife922 286 863Opening hours: Mon-Fri, 8:30am - 1:30pmBritish Consul: Matthew VickersBritish Vice-ConsulHelen Keating

GardeninG46

Useful Numbers

How to GrowYour Own Herbs

Solutions to this week’s puzzles

1. 1000 2. Silk 3. right4. blue5. Gotham city6. bubbles

Brain Train


adverTiSMenT 47Show and get 10% discount at


Proper all day irish Breakfast.Serves: 4ingredients:10 Pork Sausages10 Bacon rashers1 Carrot4 Large boiling potatoes 1 large onion. (cut in quarters)1/2 Leek2 Sticks of Celery2pts Chicken StockFresh ThymeCurly Parsley.Barley. (i used quarter of the bag) SaltPepperThe only day of the year I can drink from morning to night (or at least until I am poured into the car and taken home) last year I made it to 7.38 am. Anyway why all the commotion well for a start the cult arrives on or about the 12th

and all I hear is Coddle Coddle Coddle..... The 2 Toney’s swear by it, “3 bowls of Coddle a day keeps the hang over at bay”. And just in case I always keep some for the 18th for them. Now to the cooking put everything in a bowl and stew until the barley and the potatoes are cooked “Pew” how hard was that. Now you know how I spend my Paddy’s morning , time for a Green Pint..... Happy Paddy’s Day..

fOOd48

St Patrick´s Day recepiesCourtesy of Mark from Casa Tres

4 cups all-purpose flour4 tablespoons white sugar1 teaspoon baking soda1 tablespoon baking powder1/2 teaspoon salt1/2 cup margarine, softened1 cup buttermilk (See recipe for but-termilk below)1 egg1/4 cup butter, melted1/4 cup buttermilkPreheat oven to 190 C. Lightly grease a large baking sheet.In a large bowl, mix together flour, sug-ar, baking soda, baking powder, salt and

margarine. Stir in 1 cup of buttermilk and egg. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead slightly. Form dough into a round and place on prepared bak-ing sheet. In a small bowl, combine melted butter with 1/4 cup buttermilk; brush loaf with this mixture. Use a sharp knife to cut an ‘X’ into the top of the loaf. Bake in preheated oven for 45 to 50 min-utes, or until a toothpick inserted into the centre of the loaf comes out clean, about 30 to 50 minutes. You may continue to brush the loaf with the butter mixture while it bakes. How to make your own buttermilk1 Cup whole milk1 tbsp Cream of tartar (cremor tartaro) or lemon juiceAdd cream of tartar or lemon juice to the milkStir and allow it to stand at room temper-ature for about 15 minutes.When milk starts to curdle, stir well.Buttermilk is ready to use

1/4 of shredded green cabbage, shred-ded2 tablespoons olive oil 1 teaspoon salt pinch of freshly ground black pepper 1 bought pizza crust1/4lb thinly sliced corned beef grated mozzarella cheesePreheat the oven to high. Spray a large baking sheet with cooking spray. In a frying pan, sauté the cabbage in the olive oil over medium heat for about 5 minutes or until it is soft.Sprinkle with the salt and pepper, and remove from the heat. Place the pizza crust on the bak-ing sheet. Spoon the sautéed cab-bage onto the crust and spread it out evenly to within half an inch of the edge. Arrange the corned beef slices over the cabbage.

Sprinkle the cheese on top of the corned beef. Bake the pizza for 10 to 15 minutes, until the cheese is thoroughly melted and the pizza is nice and hot.Cut into wedges and serve immediately.

And finally why not join the masses and pour yourself a glass of stout, sit back and enjoy the craic!

Soda Bread

This week we are celebrating all that is “Irish” with St Patricks Day on 17th March (also my birthday). I am starting off with a great recipe for traditional

soda bread; this is surprisingly simple and has great results. Perfect served with a lovely Irish stew or with some strong Irish cheddar melted over it. This recipe contains buttermilk and I have included an easy to

make recipe for this. My next recipe is a Corned Beef Pizza; ideal for soaking up a many pints of the black stuff that I am sure will be consumed on this traditional celebration.

Corned Beef Pizza

Have a great week cooking and if you have any recipes that you wish to share or any tips or family cheats then get in touch by email on;[email protected] next time,

Karoline Shovlar

Welcome to Karoline’s Kitchen

Dublin Coddle

A restaurant favourite.Serves: 4Crusty BreadPestoChopped TomatoesGoats CheeseBalsamic Vinegaringredients:Pesto50g Fresh curly leaf parsley100g Garlic10g Freshh Basil150ml Olive Oil

10 Black Peppercorns15g Saltinstructions:A light Snack or Lunch.Firstly we have to make Pesto. This recipe differs from tradition as I do not include pine nuts. My Second Chef Dannii has a al-lergy. But in this concentrated form is a versatile dressing with many uses. Pick the parsley removing as much stalk as possible to arrive with the required amount of leaves (50g).Blend with all the other ingredients until smooth. The pesto when made will last in a fridge for a month and can be diluted with Olive oil to taste ( keep the relish covered with oil each time you remove any). Coat Slices of fresh crusty bread with Pesto and grill, top with chopped toma-toes and again toast, Cover with goats cheese and melt. Serve with crisp lettuce drizzled with Bal-samic vinegar.

Goats Cheese Bruschetta

Our own Special Recipe, Fresh and fruity always a favourite.ingredients:3 CL Banana liqueur3 CL Triple seco3 CL Vodka

3 CL Brandy3 CL Honey rum3 CL White rum45CL Red wine15CL White lemonade15CL Fizzy orange Fresh Fruit salad with syrupLots of ice

endorsement:I recommend before you try this drink, you get a group of friends together. Gather all the ingredients.If you have trouble finding anything re-member this is the Casa Tres recipe, yours may be better but I doubt it!Though perfecting your version will be so

much fun, with the right people it adds to a perfect day.James branagan(Jimbo)Feel free to let us know how your Concoction or hazy Day goes.

Sangria


The website, which offers an interac-tive reading experience of the Harry Potter series, was made available to one million Beta testers following its unveiling last June.

Pottermore was due to become accessible to all in October, but a statement has now revealed that its launch was put back when the “overwhelming demand” from Beta users demonstrated that changes would need to be made for the site to function properly. “We always knew Pottermore would be incredibly popular,” the release read. “We wanted to

make sure that we had a really good under-standing of how people want to use the site and which bits we’d need to modify before giving more people access. “We gathered some incredibly use-

ful feedback from our Beta users, and it became clear that our original platform wouldn’t be suitable when millions more us-ers came on to the site. “So we made a big deci-sion: to move Potter-more to an entirely dif-ferent platform set-up. This ‘invisible’ change has involved a lot of work behind the scenes but it will enable our users to get the best from Pot-termore as it grows and develops.” The statement accept-ed that there “have defi-

nitely been some challenges” in putting Pot-termore together, but promised users that the finished site would be worth the wait.

TeCHnOpHile 49Jk rowling’s “pottermore” Website

Will launch in full in early april

if you have a disability which makes using a computer difficult, then the following information may help you. To access these features from Windows - press the windows logo key ( ) and the letter U.

Use the computer without a display. Windows comes with a basic screen read-er called Narrator that will read aloud text that appears on the screen. Windows also has settings for providing audio descrip-tions for videos and controlling how dialog boxes appear. Additionally, many other programs and hardware are compatible with Win-dows and available to help individuals who are blind, including screen readers, Braille output devices, and other useful products.

Make the computer easier to see. Several settings are available to help make the information on the screen eas-ier to see. For example, the display can be magnified, colours can be adjusted to make the screen easier to see and read, and unnecessary animations and back-

ground images can be removed.

Use the computer without a mouse or keyboard. Windows includes an on-screen keyboard that you can use to type. You can also use Speech Recognition to control your computer with voice commands, and dictate text into pro-grams.

Make the mouse easier to use. You can change the size and colour

of the mouse pointer, and use the key-board to control the mouse.

Make the keyboard easier to use. You can adjust the way Windows re-sponds to mouse or keyboard input so that key combinations are easier to press, typ-

ing is easier, and inadvertent key presses are ignored.

Use text and visual alternatives for sounds. Windows can replace two types of au-dio information with visual equivalents. You can replace system sounds with visual alerts and you can display text captions for spoken dialog in multimedia programs.

Make it easier to focus on reading and typing tasks. A number of settings can help make it easier to focus on reading and typing. You can have Narrator read information on the screen, adjust how the keyboard responds to certain keystrokes, and control whether certain visual elements are displayed.

A guide to using Windows 7 with a disability

Finally, after aeons of speculation and rumours, the new Apple iPad (yes, that’s its official name) has been re-vealed to the world in all its shiny glo-ry. it’s been one hell of a ride, but now we know the facts you can sit back, relax, and join us in lapping up all of the delicious facts about the Apple’s latest addition to its iFamily, the new Apple iPad..

Overview Apple’s iPad 3 might still be packing a 9.7in screen, but its whopping 2048x1536 reso-lution makes it an industry-leading super-sharp retina display. While the body remains roughly the same as its predecessor, it’s host to a souped-up A5X dual-core proces-sor (which apparently packs in four times the graphical grunt of Nvidia’s Tegra 3 pro-cessor), and an upgraded 5MP camera with full HD video recording. Read on for the full lowdown on the new Apple iPad 3...

Screen The new iPad has Apple’s biggest retina display yet, whose 2048x1536 resolution packs in so many pixels that you won’t be able to distinguish between them with the naked eye, just like the iPhone 4S’ display. That’s a total of 3.1 million pixels at 264ppi, with a 44 per cent increase in colour satura-tion. The end result is an astounding screen that squeezes in more pixels than the pro-

jector that it was shown off on. Mighty im-pressive stuff, we think you’ll agree.

Processor The new Apple iPad will be powered by a dual-core A5X processor, but don’t let that put you off – it also features quad-core powered graphics, supposedly four times faster than Nvidia’s Tegra 3 offering, which Ap-ple claims will wipe the f l o o r

with the latest games including the newly announced Infinity Blade: Dungeons. Time will tell how the new iPad will match up against its Tegra 3 quad-core toting Android rivals, but it’s a battle that we can’t wait to witness first hand in our reviews. Watch this space.

Camera The new iPad will be toting a 5MP camera (sans flash), as opposed to the 8MP snap-per that was on the cards, although a big improvement in performance over the iPad

2’s paltry camera is still expected thanks to auto-exposure, noise reduction and image stabilisation tech. Full 1080p video record-ing is another upgrade and both video and photos should look spectacular on that drool-inducing retina display.

Design and build The new iPad doesn’t stray too far from the iPad 2 in the looks department but it does measure in at 9.4mm, slightly thicker than the iPad 2’s svelte 8.8mm body. The home button, volume and power buttons still remain, as does Apple’s proprietary 30-pin dock connector, which, to be honest, was always a given.

4G and 3GThe new iPad will be hit-

ting US shelves with 4G capability, while Euro-

pean Appe-tites will still be

stuck rocking 3G speeds. Boo, hiss.

A Wi-Fi only model will of course still be

available for those of you who don’t fancy

forking out for an extra monthly data plan.

iOS 5.1 Siri makes a cameo appearance in the new iPad, with voice dictation cooked straight in to the iOS keyboard, activated by a new microphone key. Apple has also introduced updates for iPhoto, iWork, iMovie and Ga-rageBand. iPhoto’s bezel gestures, photo

beaming and multi-touch editing look par-ticularly tasty.

Battery The new Apple iPad will serve up the same 10 hour battery life as its iPad 2 predeces-sor, with 9 hours of use reported with 4G turned on. Not too shabby, considering the extra processing power and pixel-cramming retina display on offer.

Price and release date The new Apple iPad will be available from 16th March in black or white, and prices will start at about 480 Euros for the 16GB Wi-Fi model, 570 Euros for the 32GB Wi-Fi model and 670Euros for the 64GB Wi-Fi model. We assume that the prices for the 4G models are actually for the 3G models, given that Europe won’t be getting a 4G model. The original iPad 2 will continue to be sold alongside the new iPad and has had its price slashed down to just 400 Euros for the 16GB Wi-Fi model.

First impressions It may not have an actual name, but the new Apple iPad packs in plenty of improve-ments to get excited about. From the glorious retina display and powerful A5X processor with quad-core graphics, to the improved camera and same great battery life, the new Apple iPad offers a very com-pelling package for new tablet owners. As more and more apps begin to cater to the new iPad’s insane screen resolution, it will also look like a very tempting upgrade for existing iPad 2 owners too. Stay tuned for our hands on review and more new iPad news as we get it.

Need to know – The NewApple iPad (iPad3)


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Replacing a switch with a dimmer is a quick way of instantly chang-ing the light levels and atmosphere of a room. They’re energy efficient and work great in low-hanging pendant fittings above dining or coffee tables, or as nightlights in young children’s bedrooms.

Step One: Switch Off The Power Sup-ply. Switch off the circuit that controls

the switch and take out the fuse from your consumer unit. Double check the switch isn’t working and put a sign next to the consumer unit warning that you are working on a circuit.

Step Two: Remove the Switch Plate.

Use a small screw-driver to undo the two screws holding

the existing switch plate onto the switch box. Some Spanish switch plates simply clip onto their frame.

Step Three: Con-nect The New Switch Plate. Single switches are wired to the

ring circuit by two-core and earth cable. Changing the plate is simply a matter of unscrewing the small screws in the termi-nals, removing the wires and connecting them to the new plate using exactly the same terminals. If you’re replacing a two-way switch that has more wires to connect, either jot down the positions of each wire or trans-

fer one wire at a time to the new plate to avoid confusion.

Step four: Replace The Cover Plate. M a k e sure the wires are all firmly secured

and bend any extra sheathed cable neatly into the box so that it cannot be trapped by the new cover plate. There should be no more than a few millimetres of bare wire exposed. Screw (or clip) the cover plate on to the wall box and reconnect the supply. Check the light works.

Step five: Set Up A New Backbox. If the new dim-mer switch will not fit into the backbox,

you will have to replace it with a deeper version. Turn off the electricity (as in Step One), unscrew the old backbox and use a cold chisel and masonry bit to drill and chip away the wall to make a deeper re-cess that will hold the new backbox. Add wall plugs and screw to the wall. Fit the dimmer switch as above. Remember to add an earth wire to the backbox and sheath with earth sleeving.

Tip:Remember, you must not replace a pull cord switch in a bathroom with a wall-mounted light switch; never fit a dimmer to control a fluores-cent light, and bear in mind that some low energy lighting units can’t be used with a dimmer switch but newer models are compatible - check before fitting.

Ignition Systems A car engine starts thanks to the igni-tion system. This is the unit that supplies the energy to get the motor going. The ignition system begins with a key, which you insert and turn, and ends with a spark that ignites combustion in the cyl-inders. This combustion is what starts the engine. It is important to note that eve-rything up until the moment of combus-tion in the car cylinders is part of the ignition system.The Battery The battery provides a vehicle with the twelve volts necessary to power things when the car isn’t actually running. For startup purposes, the battery is respon-sible for sending electricity to the start-er, the coil and the distributor, as well as a hot wire to the alternator so that things can recharge after starting. If the battery is too weak to turn the starter, starting the vehicle becomes difficult or impossible. A good alternator combined with a good battery will keep things at above twelve volts. It should be thirteen to fifteen when the car is running.The Starter When you turn the ignition key in your car to the “On” or “ACC” position, it sends electricity to the coil and the distributor, which will send spark to the plugs once the engine is turned over. When the ignition key is turned just a bit more, it sends twelve volts to the start-er, which has gears that mesh with the engine and ultimately turn it over. Most engines don’t need to turn very fast in order to start. Just a few good revolu-tions are all it takes.

The Fuel Of course, your engine uses fuel of some sort. While the starter turns the engine over, a small amount of fuel is fed into it by either the carburetor or the fuel injection system. On a carbu-reted engine, it may be necessary to “pump” the accelerator pedal a few times in order to get sufficient fuel into the engine. On fuel injected cars, the entire system is pressurized and most likely uses an electric fuel pump, so it’s more of a “hands free” startup.What Happens when you turn the Key When you start the car by turning the key, several parts are set into mo-tion. First the starter motor comes to life, and then the engine begins to turn and the spark plugs fire. When the key is turned, the starter motor “turns the engine over,” which means it turns the crankshaft which in turn gets the pis-tons moving in the cylinders. This starts the engine cycle. Air and fuel is drawn into the cylinders, it is compressed and the then the spark plugs fire. This begins combustion.About the Engine Cycle When you first turn the key you may notice your engine makes a grating, heaving sound. This is the sound of crank shaft turning and pistons moving, which begins the engine cycle and com-pression. Without this, the car would not be able to start the chain reaction of combustion that keeps it running under its own power. If your car doesn’t start there may be something getting in the way of this process, like no fuel, low bat-tery or a clog in the engine system.

MOTORING WITH MOTORWORLDMain parts of a car

that allow it to start

MOTOrinG / diY52How To Fit A Dimmer

Switch


adverTiSMenT 53


ireland have boosted their chances of a first-ever appearance in the Olympic hockey tournament with a 1-1 draw against South Korea. David Ames’ first-half goal put the home side ahead against the team ranked sixth in the world

at the London 2012 Olym-pic qualifying tourna-ment at Belfield in Dublin, and it took a second-half equaliser by Hyun Woo-nam to earn the Koreans a point. The South Koreans were hot favourites to take the one Olympic place on offer at this tourna-

ment, but two wins and a draw in their three games so far could see Ireland claim a surprise place in Sunday’s final. Malaysia, who have won all three games so far, look sure to be in the final, so Ireland have pool games against lowly-ranked Chile and the Malaysians on Saturday before they can start to dream about the possibility of a place at the London Games. Russia and Ukraine are the other teams taking part in the Dublin tourna-ment, but they are not expected to challenge.

Tom lewis ready for the USRising english star Tom Lewis will make his first ap-pearance in America since turning professional this week. The 21-year-old from Welwyn Garden, whose first round 65 in The Open last year was the lowest-ever score by an amateur in the event, has accepted an invitation to play at the Transitions Championship in Florida.Lewis does so at a time when the European contingent will be trying to make it three victories in a row on the PGA Tour. Rory McIlroy, winner of the Honda Classic a fortnight ago, is now on three weeks off before The Masters, but Jus-tin Rose is looking to follow up his success at the Cadillac Championship on Sunday. Rose will play the first two rounds with Luke Donald, who needs to win to regain the world number one spot from McIlroy. In a real sign of the times it is less than two years ago that Europe’s golfers last achieved a hat-trick on United States soil. On that occasion it was Rose at the Memorial followed by Lee Westwood in Memphis and then the crowning glory of Graeme McDowell in the US Open at Pebble Beach. Lewis has already tasted success in the pro ranks, winning the Portugal Masters last October on only his third start.

Although he has not managed a top-20 finish since then the former Walker Cup star is content to soak up all he can at this stage of his career. “I’m thankful for the tournament for giving me this op-portunity,” he said. “I’m going to need to learn as much as possible this week. “On Monday I felt they were the quickest greens I’ve played on. I had an eight-foot putt and putted it off the front. You can’t afford to do that - if you’re above the hole you can’t stop the ball. “The course sets up for me well and I’m hitting the ball well, so there’s no reason I can’t perform. “But as long as I leave this week with learning a little bit about where my game’s at then that’s maybe more impor-tant than performing.” Just like Rose, who left the amateur game the day af-ter he finished fourth in the 1998 Open, Lewis has had the spotlight on him ever since Sandwich, where he shared the first day lead and eventually finished 30th. Rose then went through the agonies of 21 successive missed cuts in his first year, whereas Lewis was holding up a trophy only three months later. “The win came too quick for me in a way, but it meant good things because I was doing well,” he continued. “If I want to be as good as I possibly can I am going to have to

get used to that. “I’m kind of settling down now, getting more and more used to the way it’s going to be and I wouldn’t change the situation I’m in.” Donald tied for sixth behind Rose at the weekend, eas-ily his best finish of the season so far, while Paul Casey’s 51st place was no surprise given it was his first event back after dislocating his shoulder snowboarding on Christmas Eve. He will be hoping for better this week and so will Sergio Garcia, who’s final round 76 included an octuplet bogey 12 at one hole, Martin Laird, who next week defends the Arnold Palmer Invitational, and Padraig Harrington, back down to 90th in the rankings after missing out on the two recent world championships.

SpOrT54

Semisi Taulava and robO’donnell sign for WarriorsWorcester Warriors have confirmed the signings of Semisi Taulava and Rob O’Donnell from Rother-ham for next season. Tongan No.8 Taulava, who has had previous stints at Wanganui, Taranaki, Wor-thing and Birmingham & Soli-hull, had attracted the atten-tions of a number of clubs following a blockbusting sea-son in the RFU Championship. And Warriors forwards coach Phil Davies is expecting the 29-year-old to make a big impact in the top flight. He said: “If you look around for outstanding ball-carrying No.8 you automatically think of the likes of Nick Easter and Ben Morgan. We feel Semisi can become one of those kinds of player for us. “He is a very big forward who carries the ball well and has all the right attributes to make a massive impression

here. He is destructive with his size and asks questions of everyone he plays against. “Semisi will add real power to our set piece and more confrontation to our set of forwards. For a big man he is also agile and gives us an-other lineout option. “He defends well in the rucks and in the wide chan-nels. There is something dif-ferent about him and he will definitely add to ball carrying and our driving game.” Powerhouse prop O’Donnell has had a previous taste of life in the Premiership after spending two seasons at Sale before moving to the Titans.And the 26-year-old tight-head has certainly impressed Davies with his exploits in the Championship. Davies added: “Everybody is always looking for qual-ity tighthead props and we have been very fortunate

in recent times that Tevita (Taumoepeau) has been the cornerstone of our pack. “Rob has been, in my opin-ion, the outstanding tight-head prop in the RFU Cham-pionship. He has had previous Premiership experience at Sale Sharks and is excited to get back and show his ability at this level. “We feel he has fantastic potential to develop into an outstanding prop in the Premiership. He is a strong scrummager and is an abra-sive player with ball in hand. He is also a good defender, especially around the rucks. “Rob is a young player who wants to come into our set-up, develop and do well. He is the right character fit for us, a team man who works very hard. Both Rob and Semisi will be excellent additions to our squad.”

ireland shooting for first everOlympic hockey appearance

David Ames’ goal could prove vital for ireland


SpOrT 55THE SPORTS SCENE WITH PETER QUILTY

SPOnSOReD By THe BUZZin OF CALLAO SALVAJe FOR ALL THe BeST in SPORT

Hi everyone, let me firstly explain why parts of the Sports Scene were not printed last week this was due to an error as the text did not reached our editor. never mind, these things happen. Anyway here are a couple of the paragraphs that were missing. So let’s take a look back at last week-end’s sport. In football, well only Martin ´The Middlesboro Maurade”, on his re-turn from the UK, he said he was going to watch the Utd game but couldn’t get a ticket, should have rung Emmon Holmes, instead he donated his 45 quid to Don-caster Rovers, who look like they will be roving in Division One soon, sorry Martin, he gave me his predications late but in time to compete and he comes out this weeks winner with 18 points, Chris the ´Chef at the Buzzin scoring 12 points and was jumping with joy when Ashley Young scored 2 fantastic goals on Sunday and praying that Utd scored another to com-plete his 4 nil predication, I only scored 9 points and poor old Ronnie and Sandy at the ´Red Lion´ bring up the rear yet again with only 6 points. Ronnie picked 3 matches right for Saturday and Sandy forgot to put the bet on, sorry Ronnie that new Range Rover will have to wait. For this weekend I predict for Saturdays Matches wins for QPR, Fulham, Chelsea, Liverpool and Spurs with a draw with Wolves v Blackburn, for Sunday although West Brom did themselves proud to beat Chelsea I cant see them winning at Old Trafford, also wins for Man City and Nor-wich, with Mondays game going to Arse-nal. My team Nott’s County are back to their winning ways under Keith Curle and back in the playoff positions. Well done you ´Pies¨, it also looks like Nottingham Forest are also on the mend with 7 points from a possible 9, keep it up. The predications the guys gave me for last weekends games came out as follows with Martin the Middlesboro Maurader scoring 18points, the same as last week,

we will never hear the last of this!! And the boys in the Red Lion really redeeming themselves with 18points, yes the Lion really does bit back, Chris the Buzzin Chef scored 12 points the same as last week and again was over the moon when Mr Rooney got his name on the score sheet for the Red Devils, so who brings up the rear this time, Well its Me scoring only 9 points, the same as last week, well you cant get it right every time can you but if you look at the next paragraph that was missing, Mr Q got all these right.

In the Six Nations Rugby, I think Ire-land will be disappointed with the draw in Paris, although Ireland ended France’s Grand Slam hopes by holding out to se-cure a draw in an entertaining Six Nations game in Paris. The Irish had the better of the first half and two Tommy Bowe tries, the second a scintillating solo ef-fort, helped them to a 17-6 interval lead. France gained the upper hand after the break and a Wesley Fofana try helped them to make up their 11-point deficit. Morgan Parra kicked four penalties for the French while Jonathan Sexton landed a penalty and two conversions. The draw was the first between the sides since a 15-15 draw in Dublin in 1985. As for this weekends Matches Wales v Italy and Ire-land v Scotland on Saturday, then France v England on Sunday. I’m not convinced it would be an upset if England won the game in Paris. Wales to beat Italy and Ire-land to beat Scotland. Let’s wait and see. The Rugby was really great and although England left it a little late it was a fantas-tic win.

As I write this weeks Col-umn it is the big Merseyside Derby tonight and I think Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish will be determined that his side return to win-ning ways against Everton. The Reds have struggled for form in the Barclays Pre-

mier League since the start of the year, with one win, two draws and five defeats in their last eight matches. This week-end sees the Quarter Finals of the FA Cup with Liverpool involved with a home game against Stoke and again I think they will win this one to take them into the Semi’s, and although I would love to see Leicester beat Chelsea some how I don’t think it will happen, sorry Leicester may

be next year. David Moyes celebrates 10 years at Goodison Park, not only with a Merseyside Derby but a home Cup game against Sunderland and on the form they are showing at the moment I think it should be a Toffee win. I have always liked the low key Scot. But the Everton manager David Moyes who reaches that extraordinary milestone on Wednesday, regardless of whether the Toffees win,

lose or draw, the low-key Scot is unlikely to indulge in high-profile celebrations. A dependable defender, Moyes made more than 550 league appearances for several clubs, but his longest spell was at Pres-ton, where he became player-manager in January 1998. He took them up to Divi-sion One (now the Championship) in 2000 and to the play-off final in 2001 where they lost to Bolton. Moyes was on the rise, but Everton were seemingly head-ing the opposite way. He left Preston to join a side which had won only one of its previous 13 League matches. It is easy to forget that when Moyes took over from Walter Smith on March 14th 2002, Ever-ton were one of the perennial strugglers in the top flight. The Toffees are one of only seven clubs to compete in every Pre-mier League season since it was formed in 1992/93. But their first 10 seasons were tough, with just one top 10 finish (sixth in 1995/96) and they regularly flirted with relegation, surviving on goal difference alone in 1997/98. When Moyes arrived with nine matches of the 2001/02 season remaining, Ever-ton were above the drop zone on goal difference - but he won three of his first four matches in charge as they secured 15th place and safety. Last Harry´s men are having a few hiccups at the mo but should beat Bolton. Let’s hope Prince Harry remembers to bring the FA Cup back from Brazil. As for the Premiership games I see Fulham beating Swansea, the Baggies to continue their winning ways at poor old Wigan along with Newcastle keeping Wolves in the bottom 3.

That’s about it for this weeks issue with the Cheltenham Festival in full flight this week after I backed Kauto Star whilst I was back in the UK at Christmas and he won so with him being fit for the big one I might just risk 10euro on him again and here’s my big 4 tips Champion Hurdle: Hurricane Fly (Ruby Walsh). Champion Chase: Sizing Europe (Andrew Lynch). World Hurdle: Big Buck’s (Ruby Walsh). Gold Cup: Kauto Star.

Till next time have a great Read.

ADVERTISEMENT56 Tenerife Weekly - 16th March - 22nd March 2012 www.tenerifeweekly.es

tenerife weekly issue 23

Documents

oc real feel

oc high temperature

oc low temperature

ocreal feel

cloudylow temperature

hour general strike

unin general

general secretaries