Tea with a Queen Beauty, harmony, nourishment and rhythm

Embracing the gifts of the feminine

Spencer Feldman Copyright 2017

Preface ! I wrote this book at the request of a woman for the counterpart to the men’s book An Invitation To Kingship. ! As a man, I am not qualified to pen a book of this nature and consider it only a musing on the subject from a man’s perspective. ! If at the end of this book a female reader has a renewed sense of confidence in her intuition and the value of her feminine energy to nest and nurture, then I will be satisfied. ! I look forward to the day when a woman who has made her own personal transition to Queenship publishes the notes of her journey and renders this book antiquated. !!!!!!!!!

Introduction ! Parts of this book will refer to topics covered in the book Purifying the Five Elements. I invite you to read that book first. I’ll wait here, go on… ! Finished? Excellent. Lets continue… There are three different kinds of men and each are attracted to a different kind of woman. Beta men (followers) prefer like strong women as it balances their lack of masculinity. Tyrants (strong but selfish) prefer highly submissive women who will not challenge them in any manner. Then there are Kings. ! Kings have evolved past the need for fear and anger. Kings provide for and protect those they love. A King will only be satisfied by a Queen. !What is a Queen? ! It has been said that men provide and protect while women nest and nurture. Perhaps it is better to say that masculine energy provides and protects while feminine energy nests and nurtures. Just as a King has learned to master fear and anger and in so doing is able to provide and protect, a Queen has mastered harmony, nurturing and rhythm and in so doing is able to nest and nurture.

! Unfortunately, modern cultures no longer values these feminine gifts. Children are given tests that only measure math, logic and language (masculine left brain attributes), not nurturing, harmony and rhythm (feminine right brain attributes). Those with feminine gifts are not encouraged to explore their genius. Rather they are told to take their place in a masculine world as best they can. ! Imagine instead a world where tests also asked questions like: !One friend is anxious, another friend is frustrated. How would you comfort them differently? !What color flower would best complete this canvas? !When is the best time to put a restless child to sleep? ! Without a feminine influence to balance them, men are prone to get lost in their logic. A perfect example of this is what happened to music some 200 years ago. ! Prior to the 1830’s music around the world was tuned to 432 hz, a note that musicians intuitively

found pleasing. Then a scientist (male of course) lobbied that it be moved to 440 hz so that it would be easier to measure with the new scientific instrument he just invented. ! There was an outcry many musicians but when they were asked what the issue was, they could not give any reason other than… it didn’t sound right. ! Don’t be silly, the scientists responded. The music is the same. The proportions between the notes hasn’t changed, it is only moved up in pitch a tiny fraction. One note is as good as another. ! Only now with modern instrumentation can we understand the difference between 432 hz and 440 hz tunings. ! Below are two images of water. One with the 432 hz frequency playing through it and the other with the 440 hz frequency.

Clearly all notes are not the same. The image on the left is more beautiful, more harmonic and if you were to see it on a video and not a still image, more rhythmic. The image on the right is… out of balance. We are mostly water so anything that affects water affects us. How would you like the water in your body to resonate? Like the image on the left or on the right? The musicians knew that 432 hz created more beautiful music, but they could not explain it to the scientists who only listen to logic, not intuition. ! This is an issue of our time. The masculine logical left brain is where the language center is, but for all its logic, it cannot understand beauty. So we have a logical but ugly world, without nurturing, harmony or rhythm. ! The feminine right brain can appreciate and create harmony, but it has no language center to explain it to the right brain. When the feminine right brain speaks, it comes out as poetry. It gives us feelings and intuitions which the logical left brain often fails to properly value. ! A Queen has mastered the arts of harmony, nurturing and rhythm. These are her gifts. With this in mind, let us begin…

Harmony!!! Harmony is what turns a house it into a home. Another name for harmony is balance. The pattern I use for achieving balance is a model called The Five Elements. When all five elements are in balance, a home will feel safe, warm, abundant, comfortable and spacious. The elements are:!!Air-!! ! Movement and safety!Fire-! ! Competition, warmth and light!Earth-! ! Abundance!Water-! ! Comfort !Space-! ! Emptiness!!! Air is the flow of movement through a space. If a bed or workspace puts your back to the incoming flow (a door or large window) this can trigger a sense of unease. Whether a nest in a tree or a warren in the dirt, animals instinctively know how to make their homes safe. Like any other animal, we want to be able to have our backs to a wall and see threats as they come in, but since this desire is deep in our animal brains we may not be aware of it. It is simply that some places feel cozy and others feel

exposed. A home must feel safe and too much air causes anxiety in our animal brains. !!! To decrease air in a home that has too much, you can put drapes over doorways and stained glass contact paper over parts of windows that are too large. You can also arrange sofas and other places that you nestle in to be against a wall and position your bed and desks so you don’t have your backs to an open door. These small changes will make a home feel safer and more cozy.!!! Fire is competition, light and heat. If you have kids, a dedicated play room is a great idea. If kids want social play (a bit of roughhousing), that is what a backyard is for. As for light and heat, a home must be warm enough to be comfortable and have enough light to be cheerful. A fireplace can add fire to a home, or even candles. The use of warmer colors like orange and red also serve this role. !!! Earth is contentment. When the refrigerator is full, the bills are paid and there are enough resources to go around, the Earth element is in balance. Another way to increase earth element is to add stones or crystals to the environment. The use of darker browns also serve this role.!

!! Water is comfort. A home should have places to relax. A comfortable nook to enjoy a cup of tea. A couch with a soft blanket. To increase water, add a water feature, or even some soft music in the background. !!! Space is what isn’t there. If a house is always cluttered and there is not enough space, we can feel uncomfortable ourselves. On the other hand, if a house has nothing in it but space, it can make a person feel detached. Keeping a home clean and uncluttered increases space as do high ceilings and open spaces. Excess space can be decreased with photographs of loved ones, art on walls and items that remind us of good times.!!! A Queen makes her house a home. She chooses music to suit the mood she wants to create, perhaps turning on an essential oil diffuser to add to the ambience. A Queen would never leave a tv on in the background with commercials cajoling us buy things we don’t need (earth) and news channels triggering fear (air) and outrage (anger) over things we can’t change. !!

! A Queen knows that our environment has a powerful effect on our moods and does what she can to make that environment balanced and beautiful. !!Harmony in people!!! Just like a home needs a balance of the elements, so does a person. By listening to the words people use to narrate their lives, a Queen understands what may be out of balance in them. With gentle suggestions and a cup of tea she can help those she meets regain their inner harmony. !!Elements of personality!!Imbalanced air makes a person fearful or rush about!Imbalanced fire makes a person angry or judgmental!Imbalanced earth makes a person materialistic !Imbalanced water makes a person sad or daydream!Imbalanced space makes a person distant or numb!!The power of words!!! There are many ways to help people with their imbalances. One very powerful way is to invite them to change their linguistics. !

Changing linguistics is covered in the book !Purifying the 5 Elements !

!! An example of this might be a child saying that they are afraid to go to sleep in the dark. Fear is imbalanced air. A Queen can rephrase it for them as: “So, the dark makes you a little uncomfortable?” By giving them another way to think about the experience, the Queen can help them experience their discomfort in a more empowered way.!!! To a man that is angry about a situation at work, a Queen could rephrase it as: “That’s inconvenient. Good thing you are so forgiving.” A truly gifted Queen can hear both what is said and what remains unspoken. She hears the defense mechanisms behind the words that are covering old wounds. She can create a space where someone can access their own non-verbal side (feminine right brain) so they can find what is out of balance in their own lives. In addition to helping others reframe what is happening in the present, A Queen can help someone reframe their past as well.!!For more information on this topic, I invite you to read chapter 3 of: The Structure of Magic by Bandler and Grinder.!

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Nurturing!!! Women are the nurturers. We all start life with an umbilical cord, being fed by a woman. In a healthy culture, we spend at least the next 6 months of our lives living on breast milk, again being fed by a woman. !!! The kitchen is an externalization of the umbilical cord and breast. It is one way a Queen can continue to nurture those around her. !!! Cooking skills used to be handed down from mother to daughter along with a book of family recipes. This includes knowledge about how to pick food at the grocers. A woman might even ask her mother in law to be what family recipes she could teach her to make so that her future husband could have his favorite childhood food.!!! That this skill has been lost is not a judgement on women. Few men are shown how to fix things, defend themselves or lead men by their fathers. It is simply the time we now live in.!!

! A Queen knows that a nourishing meal made by her loving hands satisfies a man in a way no restaurant ever can. Good food that is well presented pleases sight, smell, taste and touch. Add in some nice beautiful music and pleasant conversation and every sense is enchanted.!!A cup of tea!!! Tea can be both balancing and nurturing. As such, medicinal plants can be a great ally to a Queen. Does someone needs a boost of energy to finish some work? How about a nice cup of green tea. Is a child having a difficult time falling asleep? A warm cup of chamomile could be just the thing. Menstrual cramps? Ginger and Dong quai might help. Is someone on the edge of coming down with a cold? A pinch of echinacea might be in order.!! !! A Queen need not be a master herbalist. A quick search on the internet for herbs that help with a particular issue and a visit to a nearby health food store with an herb section is all it takes. !!

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Rhythm!! Every hour, we cycle through the Five Elements like clockwork. Knowing which element is predominant at which time gives a Queen a magical sense of timing. ! To understand how the elements can help us time our day, let us understand them as personality archetypes. !Air is the time of the child Fire is the time of the warrior Earth is the time of the worker Water is the time of the artist Space is the time of the mystic ! The time of the Child is the best time to play and move but the worst time to be focused. If you want to motivate people to go somewhere, this is the best time to do it. ! The time of the Warrior is the best time to strategize and be courageous but the worst time to be cooperative. This is not the time to have a discussion about something that is bothering anyone. It is likely to turn into an argument. !

The time of the Worker is the best time to cooperate and do chores but the worst time to try to learn. This is great for repetitive tasks and maintenance work. ! The time of the Artist is the best time to create or enjoy but the worst time for clear thinking. Try to time life’s pleasures (food, lovemaking, cuddling) to take place during the time of the Artist and it will be a more immersive experience. ! The time of the Mystic is the best time to meditate but the worst time to be social. If you want a little perspective, this is a great time to have a moment to yourself. If someone is overly distant, this time will be worse for them. ! Knowing what element is active at what time gives a Queen preternatural sense of timing. Is your child trying to understand a difficult bit of homework during the earth element when their intellect is at its lowest? Have them clean their room (good during the earth element) and come back to their homework during the fire element when their intellect is at it’s best. ! Will dinner ready during the fire element? Start it a few minutes later and avoid arguments during

dinner. If food is on the table at the start of the water element, conversation will be lighter and everything taste better too. ! Is a child running around the house at bedtime? If it’s air element, let them run a bit and burn off that air energy. Then when earth comes along, put them to bed. If they are still awake when earth yields to water, that is the perfect time to tell them a story since that is when their imagination will be its most active. !A moment to reflect ! At the end of a day, it is a nice practice to take a moment to reflect. A man’s reflections focus on tactical wins and blunders using logic and strategy (left brain strengths). For a woman, reflection is about tuning in to her intuition and senses of proportion, beauty and harmony (right brain strengths). A Queen does not consider an inability to verbalize feelings and intuitions a weakness. The language center is in the left brain and that is not where intuitions come from. She simply feels what must come to pass for beauty and harmony to be restored. A King honors and respects his Queen’s intuitions and does not ask for logical explanations. It is enough that she has felt it.

Conclusion!!! It is not the job of a woman to create and maintain a beautiful home, make nourishing food or heal people’s minds and bodies, but the feminine energy will be able to do this better than the masculine energy will.!!! Genetics and brain architecture have made us so that women are more likely to be right brain dominant and men left brain dominant. Neither side is better than the other, and both are necessary for a harmonious person, family and society.!!! A Queen is a woman that shares her gifts of harmony, nourishment and rhythm. If you are interested in understanding what a King is, I invite you to read An Invitation to Kingship.!!