student workshop gossiping, taunting,...

431540

TM

Student WorkshopGossiping, Taunting, Bullying:It’s All Harassment

Table of Contents

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

Learning Objectives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

Using the Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Program Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Role-Play Guidelines . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

Bibliography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15For Educators and Parents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15Fiction for Grades 5 to 9 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18Nonfiction for Grades 5 to 9 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19Additional Resources. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20Websites . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21Related Materials from Sunburst . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

Script . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23

Handouts (may be copied for class distribution)Table of Contents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45

1 video or DVD approximately 24 minutes

Student WorkshopGossiping, Taunting, Bullying: It’s All Harassment


3

What is Harassment?

Harassment comes in many forms: physical attacks, verbal rebukes, teasing,taunting, sexual provocations, putdowns, and spreading rumors. Researchershave found that these types of behaviors are disturbingly common on schoolcampuses, with as many 15 percent of adolescents reporting that they havebeen systematically harassed at school. Middle school and junior highschools experience more harassment than other schools. In whatever form orschool setting, the intent of the perpetrator is to embarrass, intimidate, isolate,and reject a peer. It is an attempt by the perpetrator to exert power and gainan advantage because of physical strength or social status. Harassment stingsso badly because it sends the message, “You do not belong here. You are notwanted,” which is antithetical to the environment educators seek to create inschools. Educators must do whatever they can to counter such messages.Steps must be taken to ensure that school campuses are inviting, caring, andnurturing places for all students.

The Victim of Harassment

There is good reason to be concerned about harassment, because it is wellrecognized that unchecked it can diminish a young person’s social-emotionaldevelopment, lead to disengagement from school and learning, and is associ-ated with depression and other negative outcomes. Harassment makes thetask of educating students more difficult.

The Perpetrator of Harassment

The exertion of power over another peer is reinforcing to the perpetrator, be ita single individual or group. What the perpetrator gets out of his or heractions, whether physical or verbal, is the feeling of having controlled andintimidated another person. Of course, the short-term “high” that comeswith this false sense of power and control has a cost for the perpetrator.When researchers have followed perpetrators of harassment over the yearsinto adulthood, they find a continuing use of control and power in theirinterpersonal relationships. This pattern is associated with social isolationand poor life satisfaction. Perpetrators of harassment need help because theirbehavior leads to long-term deficits of social-emotional competence.

Introduction

Student WorkshopGossiping, Taunting, Bullying: It’s All Harassment4

Is Harassment Just Normal Teasing?

Should educators be concerned about harassment? After all, some suggestthat teasing is really a playful act, is common, and may even “toughen” youthfor the hard knocks of life. To be certain, true friends can tease and play withone another. But the key difference is that the teasing is always defined as anexperience that strengthens a social bond, not one that is meant to be painfuland to isolate, diminish, and tear down the other person. How can we knowwhat the effects of teasing are? We can be observant and look for signs ofwithdrawal and decreased social involvement. More directly, we can be alertto harassment and be certain to seek out victims and ask them about whathappened. Their perceptions and experiences are what are important, not thereported intent of the perpetrator.

What Can Educators Do?

Educators universally want to create classroom and campus environmentsthat bolster the social and emotional development of adolescents. Harass-ment undermines their efforts to attain their educational mission. There aremany things that educators can do to prevent harassment and minimize itseffects. Here are a few suggestions:

� Work to affirm the campus commitment to create a positive andwelcoming climate for all students on campus.

� Openly discuss harassment as a “school-community” problem, not justa perpetrator-victim problem. All students and school staff have a rolein working to prevent harassment. To do nothing and allow harass-ment to happen is implicit support. The fact that a sizeable number ofstudents report being harassed, however, means that virtually allstudents on campus have been either a perpetrator, a victim, or both,have witnessed harassment, or know someone who has been a victimor perpetrator. Harassment clearly affects everyone on campus. Ev-eryone needs to be part of its prevention.

� Increase staff and student awareness of what harassment is, whatforms it can take, the pain it causes, what can be done to prevent it,and how to respond when it occurs. Harassment thrives in anenvironment of secrecy and denial.


5

� Be vigilant for any signs of harassment and check them out as soon aspossible. The most damaging impact of harassment occurs when ithappens repeatedly and becomes a secret burden that the victim has tocarry alone.

� Be alert to signs of student withdrawal and isolation from peers.Work with the staff to supervise the campus before, during, and afterschool hours.

� Monitor classroom and schoolyard activities for signs of prosocialbehavior. Catch students being supportive and reinforce it.

� Get parents and students involved in helping to discuss campus rulesabout harassment. Give them strategies to use that demonstrate howto support the victim and help the perpetrator to learn prosocial inter-personal skills.

� Develop strategies to promote positive interactions among students inclubs, organizations, and friendship groups. Don’t wait for harassmentto occur, be sure that all students have a caring adult on campus theycan access and involvement with supportive peers.

� Implement cooperative learning strategies in the classroom that pro-mote positive interactions among students who might not otherwiseget to know each other well.

� Set an example through your own interactions with parents, students,and other school staff.

Is There Reason To Be Hopeful?

There is every reason to be hopeful that schools can establish and nurturehigh expectations that students and staff will support each other positively .Most importantly, you are reading this and therefore recognize the need to dosomething about harassment. You can also be optimistic because researchershave found that adolescents have remarkable resilience to cope with harass-ment and other life challenges IF they have supportive assets. In addition tosupportive caregivers at home, one potent asset is connections with compe-tent and caring adults in the school. Just the process of using this harassmentprogram can send a powerful message to your students. You let them knowthat you are aware of harassment and that you want to be available to sup-port students whenever the actions of anyone on the school campus attack


who they are, diminishes their self-esteem, and seeks to isolate and rejectthem. The first step toward a solution is open discussion about harassment.In cooperation with your school staff, you can affirm the goals of inclusion,respect, and support among all students. This program and its related re-source guide provide an ideal vehicle to begin the process of reaching thesegoals.

— Michael Furlong, Ph.D., NCSP


7

This program is designed to help students:

� Recognize that persistent and unwelcome gossiping, taunting, andbullying are all forms of harassment.

� Learn appropriate responses if they are the victims of harassment.

� Learn appropriate responses if they witness harassment.

� Understand that bystanders need to be part of the solution to stoppingharassment in school.

� Learn coping techniques for dealing with the pain of harassment.

� Recognize that every student has the right to a nonhostile learningenvironment and the responsibility to try to prevent harassment onschool campus.

Learning Objectives


Using the Program

This workshop has two goals. One is to make middle-school students awareof the kinds of behavior that constitute harassment, the other is to demon-strate what they can do if they find themselves victims of harassment orwitness the harassment of others. Supplementing the program are studenthandouts designed to reinforce the information presented and get studentsthinking and talking about the issues involved in harassment, as well as theirown personal responsibility to be part of the solution in ending harassmenton their school campus.

The program is approximately 24 minutes long and is divided into threeparts, each covering a different kind of harassment.

Part 1: Gossiping

Part 2: Taunting

Part 3: Bullying

A set of pre-viewing handouts provides you with a way of introducing thetopic of peer harassment to the class. We suggest that each part of the pro-gram occupy a separate class period, and that at the end of each part you stopthe program and distribute copies of the related handouts to students. Allhandouts are designed to further stimulate students’ critical thinking aboutpeer harassment and include questions for discussion, information sheets,exercises, activities, and directed role-plays that elaborate and reinforce theissues and encourage positive personal decisions. An extensive annotatedbibliography and resource section lists background material that can be a richsource for further reading and additional activities.


9

In this program, students at the Hidden Valley Middle School in Escondido,California discuss the effects of gossiping, taunting, and bullying on theireveryday school lives. The discussion is led by the school’s counselor JohnGuerrieri, M.A., while Michael Furlong, Ph.D. of the Gevirtz School of Educa-tion at the University of California at Santa Barbara, provides comments andexpert insights. Interweaving the discussion are a series of scenarios drama-tizing ways middle-school students typically harass their peers.

The program opens with short clips of students describing incidents of gos-siping, taunting, and bullying. In the classroom, John Guerrieri asks for adefinition of harassment, and agrees with students that its goal is to makesomeone feel bad. Adding to the definition, Michael Furlong comments thatharassment is when you are picked on over and over again because of wayyou look or dress or who you are. The reason someone does this, he contin-ues, is to exert control over you.

GOSSIPING

Gossiping…What is it?

In the first scenario, Tiffany, after overhearing Marie arranging to work withEvan on a social studies project, tells Evan that Marie is a “total tease” and isjust using him. As the students tell John Guerrieri, kids spread rumors be-cause of jealousy, but also as a way of making themselves feel important orthe center of attention. They may also do so as a way of gaining acceptance,says Michael Furlong. But when this happens, he notes, they need to stopand ask themselves, “Isn’t there some other way to gain acceptance?”

The harassment scenarios continue as Tiffany makes a show of inviting every-one except Marie to her party, making it clear to Marie, according to MichaelFurlong, that she doesn’t belong and is unwanted.

Gossiping…What are the effects?

Students discuss the effects rumors have had on them, such as low self-esteem, poor grades, inability to socialize, and depression. Dr. Furlongstresses that rumors and gossip can have devastating effects if not dealt with.

Program Summary


Gossiping…What if it happens to you?

In the next scene, seeing that Evan is avoiding her, Marie confronts him andshows him a note she found in her locker, labeling her “Skank.” Marie pleadsher case and Evan takes her side. Prompted by John Guerrieri, the studentsagree that Marie handled the situation well. They also suggest she couldhave confronted Tiffany and asked her to stop spreading rumors. MichaelFurlong notes that there are different ways of responding to harassmentdepending on the circumstance, and that in this case, confronting the personand sending the message to stop is most effective.

In the next scenario, Evan confronts Tiffany about the rumors she’s spreading.When John Guerrieri asks what happens to kids’ reputations when they’recaught in lies, students remark that they lose credibility and trust.

Gossiping…What if you hear it?

In the next scene, Lucy overhears Tiffany spreading rumors about Marie andspeaks up. Lucy’s confronting Tiffany exemplifies a bystander’s responsibil-ity to stand up to people who spread rumors, says Dr. Furlong. When JohnGuerrieri and the class all admit to having spread rumors, they agree that thebest way to keep yourself from spreading a rumor is simply, “Don’t spread it.Just stop it.”

TAUNTING

Taunting…What is it?

In the next scenario, Pratt and Tyrone verbally taunt Freddy and Norman as“losers” and “ladies” for their amateurish basketball skills. They also engagein physical taunting, firing french fries at Freddy as he sits by himself. Al-though Freddy ignores them, the taunting doesn’t stop. Taunters know justwhom they can taunt, the students assert, and they relate incidents of beingtaunted. When someone taunts you, comments Michael Furlong, the messageit sends is that you’re in that person’s control and powerless to do anythingabout it.

Taunting…What are the effects?

Demoralized by the taunting, Freddy and Norman feel powerless. Tauntingprovokes feelings of anger, discomfort, embarrassment, and worthlessness ina victim, say the students, while the taunter feels in control. However, Dr.Furlong notes, getting angry or fighting back is what the taunter is eager toprovoke, because the victim then becomes a target of laughter.


11

Taunting…What if you see it?

Having friends who’ll stand up for you is a good way of saying to a harasser,“Enough. No more,” advises Michael Furlong. In a replay of the french fryscene, Norman, Lucy, and Freddy together stand up to Pratt.

Taunting…What if it happens to you?

Humor can also help to defuse a taunting situation, suggests one student. Inthe following scene, Freddy and Norman show how making a joke of theirbasketball skills deflects Pratt and Tyrone’s taunting. Another way to handletaunts is to confront a taunter and make it clear how his or her behavior isaffecting you, comments Michael Furlong, adding that although this can be adifficult thing to do, it can and does work.

BULLYING

Bullying…What is it?

In the next scenario, Paul, short and slightly built, is the target of Moody’sbullying. The way Moody bullies Paul over and over is familiar to the stu-dents, who say it happens mostly where there are no teachers—in the halls,out on the fields, at the lunch tables. Bullies want to intimidate their victim,says Michael Furlong, but they are tricky and subtle about it so they won’t getcaught.

Bullying…What are the effects?

Being bullied often causes a victim to change his or her behavior—Paul stayshome from school on his birthday to avoid the birthday punches he’s sureMoody will give him. But the consequences of being bullied need to be takenseriously. If the bullying gets really bad, it can lead to school shootings, onestudent points out. While a victim may feel that bringing a gun to school istheir only recourse, says Dr. Furlong, most people who are subjected to bully-ing become depressed, get into drugs, and, in extreme cases, can becomesuicidal.

Bullying…What if it happens to you?

In the next scene, when Paul’s friend Will asks why he doesn’t tell someoneabout Moody’s bullying, Paul’s answer is that he is sure Moody would beathim twice as hard if he does. But in spite of his fear, he decides to talk to hisguidance counselor. Do most kids have the same fear? John Guerrieri asksthe students, and the consensus is yes. If you’re being bullied, advises


Michael Furlong, it’s very important to go to an adult you trust and discussyour fears and worries. You need to make sure you get help and support,because you have a right not to be a target of harassment.

Bullying…What if you see it?

The students agree that even if the bully finds out, the risk of reporting abullying incident you see is worth it, especially if it means you can preventsomeone from being seriously hurt. The people at school really want to helpyou, explains Michael Furlong. They need to know what’s happening, sothey can take appropriate action.

Coping With Feelings

Asked by John Guerrieri how they deal with the pain teasing, taunting, andbeing bullied causes, the students come up with a variety of suggestions:talking to a friend, writing your feelings in a journal, listening to music,skateboarding, going to an arcade, talking to your mom, or talking to acounselor.

As the program concludes, Michael Furlong advises viewers that they canmake a difference in two ways: if they are a target of harassment, they canstand up for their rights and seek help; and if they see someone being ha-rassed, they can help that person stand for his or her rights and get help.Summing up, he points out that everyone has a responsibility to say, “Nothere, no way, not in our school.”


13

Role-Play Guidelines

You will find role-playing scenarios among the handouts. Role plays per-formed in the nonthreatening environment of the classroom can be a valuabletool for students because of the opportunities they provide for them to prac-tice responding to harassing behavior in an effective, direct way, instead ofignoring the behavior or acting as though it doesn’t affect them.

Here are some guidelines for generating good role-play sessions:

� Create a positive climate. Stress that everyone’s contribution is valuedand that there will be no judging or criticism of anyone’s role-playing.

� Keep role plays brief. Two or three minutes is often enough time.

� Choose participants who consent. Role plays are usually limited totwo or three actors. Many students feel that performing before a groupis a major risk. A low-key role might be a good start for reluctantstudents.

� Keep comments constructive. Ask students to focus on the charactersand problem and ask, “What else could she have done or said?” ratherthan “What was wrong with her solution?”

� Guard against inappropriate self-disclosure. Be alert to the possibilitythat players or audience caught up in the action may reveal moreabout themselves in their comments than they intended. Stop anyopinion or discussion that you see becoming too personal or self-revealing.

� Try using observers. You might assign one or more students to the taskof observing role plays for such nuances of behavior as body language,tone of voice, etc.


15

Bibliography

Reading for Educators and Parents

Adler, Patricia A. and Peter Adler. Peer Power: Preadolescent Culture andIdentity. Rutgers University Press, 1998. Discusses the vital compo-nents in the lives of preadolescents, focuses attention on the peerculture of the children themselves and the way this culture extractsand modifies elements from adult culture.

Alexander, Jenny. Bullying: Practical and Easy-to-Follow Advice. PenguinUSA, 1998. Practical advice for parents for handling this huge problem.

Beale, Andrew V. “Bullybusters: Using Drama to Empower Studentsto Take a Stand Against Bullying Behavior.” Professional School Counsel-ing, April 2001. How drama can be both an effective medium for com-municating an anti-bullying message to students and an engaging andpowerful way of modeling positive attitudes and teaching middle-school students new ways of behaving.

Beane, Allen L. The Bully-Free Classroom: Over 100 Tips and Strategies forTeachers K-8. Free Spirit Publishing, 1999. Practical and effective strate-gies for coping with bullying behavior, encouraging parent involve-ment, and making classrooms a place to learn.

Dennis, Mary Julia B. “Name-Calling and the Peer Beliefs of Elemen-tary School Children.” Professional School Counseling, December 1999.Explores the name-calling practices of American schoolchildren.

Fried, Suellen and Paula Fried. Bullies & Victims: Helping Your ChildSurvive the Schoolyard Battlefield. M. Evans & Co., 1998. An importantguide for parents for understanding and minimizing the effects ofbullying and teasing.

Giannetti, Charlene C. and Margaret Sagerese. Cliques: 8 Steps to HelpYour Child Survive the Social Jungle. Broadway Books, 2001. A guide forparents that helps them understand contemporary adolescent culture,provides them with an eight-step program for helping their childrenfight the tyranny of cliques.


Haynie, Denise L., et al. “Bullies, Victims, and Bully/Victims: DistinctGroups of At-Risk Youth.” Journal of Early Adolescence, February 2001,p.29. Presents the results of surveys in one Maryland school districtthat cover a range of problem behaviors and psychosocial variables.

Hoover, John H. and Ronald Oliver. Bullying Prevention Handbook.National Educational Service, 1997. A comprehensive tool for under-standing, preventing, and reducing day-to-day bullying.

Juvonem, Jaana and Sandra Graham, Editors. Peer Harassment inSchool. Guilford Press, 2001. Brings together leading investigators topresent the latest psychological research on chronically victimizedchildren and adolescents and illuminate the dark side of children’speer relationships.

McNamara, Barry E. Keys to Dealing with Bullies. Barrons EducationalSeries, 1997. Aimed at parents, describes the patterns, underlyingcauses, and long-term effects of bullying, and offers specific sugges-tions for curbing bullying.

Nansel, Tonja R., Ph.D., et al. “Bullying Behaviors Among U.S. Youth:Prevention and Association with Psychosocial Adjustment.” Journal ofthe American Medical Association, Vol. 285, No. 16, April 25, 2001. In thisfirst large-scale study of bullying at school, researchers at the NationalInstitute of Child Health and Human Development polled 15,686students in grades 6 through 10 in public and private schools through-out the United States and reached the conclusion that bullying is acommon feature of school life in America’s classrooms that meritsserious attention.

Orecklin, Michelle and Rebecca Winters. “Beware of the In Crowd.”Time Magazine, August 21, 2000. Reports on a new study by theAmerican Psychological Association that finds that far from beingsocial misfits, bullies are more likely to be the most popular kids, “theones everybody wants to hang around with.”

Olweus, Dan. Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do.Blackwell Publishers, 1993. Some guidelines from an expert.


17

Rigby, Ken. Bullying in Schools: And What to Do About It. Paul & Co.,1997. Offers useful strategies for identifying both bullies and victims,ways to defuse potentially troublesome situations, and more.

Shure, Myrna B., Ph.D. “Bullies and Their Victims: A Problem-SolvingApproach to Prevention.” The Brown University Child and AdolescentBehavior Letter, October 2000, p. 1. How to involve children in thinkingabout what they do by teaching them problem-solving dialoguing.

Ross, Dorothea M. Childhood Bullying and Teasing: What School Person-nel, Other Professionals and Parents Can Do. American Counseling Asso-ciation, 1996. Packed with useful information on handling this peren-nial problem.

Shakeshaft, Charol, et al. “Boys Call Me Cow.” Educational Leadership,October 1997, p.22. A report on a three-year study of middle andjunior high school students’ experiences of peer harassment that alsoprovides steps educators can take to curb this pervasive problem.

Smith, Peter K., Editor. The Nature of School Bullying: A Cross-NationalPerspective. Routledge, 1999. A concise summary of school bullying in19 different countries, written and compiled by well-known experts inthe field.

Stein, Nan. Bully-Proof: A Teacher’s Guide on Teasing and Bullying for UseWith Fourth and Fifth Grade Students. National Educational Association,1996. Eleven core lessons plus teaching tips.

Teicher, Stacy A. “Boys vs. Girls: Name-Calling’s Nasty Turn.” Chris-tian Science Monitor, September 22, 1999, p.1. A report on the kind ofsexual invective spewing from the mouths of America’s middle- andhigh-schoolers and how it is coarsening relations between boys andgirls.


Fiction for Grades 5 to 9

Cole, Brock. The Goats. Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1992. What starts outas a practical joke on two teenagers ends by their discovering theirown inner strengths.

Cormier, Robert. The Chocolate War. Dell, 1986. Refusing to be bulliedinto selling chocolates for his school, Jerry’s defiance turns him fromhero to outcast.

Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. Putnam, 1954. This classic tale of agroup of adolescents’ descent into savagery is as relevant today aswhen it was written.

Honeycutt, Natalie. Invisible Lissa. Macmillan, 1985. Deals with theproblem of cliques in the fifth and sixth grades.

Kimball, Kate. The Secret’s Out. Minstrel Books, 1994. After Stephanieis identified as the person who writes the anonymous gossip columnfor the school newspaper, she worries her classmates will realize not allher stories are fact, and will throw her over.

Lipsyte, Robert. One Fat Summer. HarperCollins, 1977. Taunted forbeing fat, Bobby learns that being thin and tough isn’t nearly as impor-tant as being compassionate and doing the right thing.

Pascal, Francine. Say It to My Face. Bantam Books, 1999. Jessica’s senioryear is off to a terrible start—someone is spreading lies about heraround school.

Pascal, Francine and Jamie Suzanne. The Gossip War. Bantam Skylark,1994. Twins Jessica and Elizabeth are thrilled with the new three-wayphone their parents allow them to have, but they soon learn that athree-way phone is no place from which to launch a gossip chain.

Schott, Linda. Theodore and the Town That Cried. 1999. In this movingnovel, Theodore has four strikes against him—a physical handicap,parents who are separated, a move to a new community, and peerrejection—so in desperation, he packs a gun he thinks is unloaded intohis book bag, but the gun goes off, seriously wounding the class bully.


19

Scott, Stefanie. Keeping It Real. Archway, 1997. When the gossip possebegins saying that Moesha’s boyfriend is cheating on her, Moeshatakes the rumor very seriously indeed.

Venokur, Ross. The Amazing Frecktacle. Delacorte Press, 1998. Any kidwho has ever been the target of classroom teasing will identify withNicholas who, because of his bright red hair, unusual right eye, andabundance of freckles, is the butt of jokes in school.

Verney, Sarah J. The Art of Keeping Secrets. Minstrel Books, 1999.Stephanie’s delight at helping out at the Children’s Museum turns todismay once she makes a startling discovery.

Nonfiction for Grades 5 to 9

“Dear Answer Boy.” Seventeen, December 1998, p. 60. In this article onboy/girl relationships, readers get tips on confronting a guy whospreads rumors about them.

Cohen-Posey, Kate, M.S., LMHC, LMFT. How to Handle Bullies, Teasersand Other Meanies: A Book That Takes the Nuisance Out of Name-Callingand Other Nonsense. Rainbow Books, 1995. Chockfull of practical strate-gies for handling bullies.

Johnston, Marianne. Dealing with Bullies. Powerkids Press, 1998. Ahandbook for young people.

LeShan, Eda. When Kids Drive Kids Crazy. Dial Books, 1990. Acknowl-edging how tough it is to be a kid, the author mixes personal child-hood memories with anecdotes about ordinary kids to establish theunderlying reasons some kids will indulge in hurtful behaviors.

Love, Robert. “Loose Lips.” Seventeen, August 1994, p. 144. A teenageboy talks about whether he should trust his girlfriend, the subject ofmany rumors.

Orr, Tamra. “Did Ya Hear About...?” Current Health 2, March 1999, p.22.How to handle rumors when they involve you.


Romain, Trevor. Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain. Free Spirit Publishing,1997. Helps kids ages 10 to 13 understand, avoid, and stand up tobullies while preserving their self-esteem.

Romain, Trevor. Cliques, Phonies, & Other Baloney. Free Spirit Publish-ing, 1998. Blends humor with practical advice as it explains to kidsages 10 to 13 how to form positive, healthy relationships.

Verdick, Elizabeth, editor. Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain. Free SpiritPublishers, 1997. Blends humor with serious, practical suggestions forunderstanding, avoiding, and standing up to bullies.

Webster-Doyle, Terrance. Why is Everybody Always Picking on Me? AGuide to Understanding Bullies for Young People. Weatherhill, 1999. Sto-ries and activities that demonstrate how to resolve conflicts and con-front hostile aggression peaceably.

Yee, John William. The Bully Buster Book. Outgoing Press, 1997. Pro-vides hints teens can use to keep bullies from bothering them as wellas tips on how to deal with an existing bully.

Additional Resources

Coalition for Children, Inc.P.O. Box 6304Denver CO 80206303.320.6321 Fax: 303.320.6328E-mail: [email protected]://www.safechild.org/bullies.htm

Committee for Children2203 Airport Way South, Suite 500Seattle WA 98134800.634.4449206.343.1223E-mail: [email protected]://www.cfchildren.org/PUbully.html


21

Bullying and Harassment Web sites

http://ericps.ed.uiuc.edu/eece/pubs/digests/1997/banks97.htmlhttp://www.ed-uu.com/bullying.htmhttp://www.uncg.edu/edu/ericcass/bullying/DOCS/tableoc/htm

Related Materials from Sunburst Visual Media

“Don’t Pick on Me!”21-minute program for Grades 5-9

“Guess What I Just Heard…”22-minute program for Grades 5-9

“Real People: Talking About Sexual Harassment”22-minute program for Grades 5-9

“Real People Cliques: Who’s In, Who’s Out”24-minute program for Grades 5-9


23

GOSSIPING

Female StudentI’ve lost couple of my friends to rumors and gossip—it’s taken a toll onmy life. I’ve been really stressed out, depressed beyond belief.

TAUNTING

Male StudentI always wear a hood to school ‘cause people make fun of me ‘cause Ihave big ears. I just don’t like it when people tease me ‘cause I can’thelp the way I am.

BULLYING

Male StudentThey chased me, they tried to beat me up. Pushing and shoving in thehalls—that goes on every day.

Female StudentThey’d be like, “Hey braces face, hey four eyes.” It may seem like, ohwe’re just saying this one thing, but that one thing, add it times everysingle kid in this school, times every single day at school, times everysingle period, every hour, times all the times I go home crying—andyou see how I feel.

Student Workshop

Gossiping, Taunting, Bullying: It’s All Harassment

John GuerrieriLet’s take a little quick poll. How many of you in here have ever beenharassed in middle school? Whoa, every single person in here. Whocan tell me what you think the word harassment means?

Female StudentHarassment is when someone is bothering people or bullying them inorder to hurt the person. They want to make the person upset or cry ormake themselves feel more macho.

Script


John GuerrieriSo their purpose is to hurt the person or make them feel bad.

Dr. Michael FurlongHarassment is where someone kind of starts to pick on you over andover and over again. They may pick on you because of the way youlook or how you dress or who you are. They feel like they have poweror control over you.

GOSSIPING

Gossiping…What is it?

EvanSo, are you like totally bored here, coming from New York and all?

MarieActually, I really like it. Everyone’s been pretty nice. Oh, there’s Mr.Sizemore. I have to talk to him about some old school stuff.

EvanWhat about our social studies project?

MarieYou know, I’ll give you my number and you can just give me a calllater. Okay?

EvanOkay.

TiffanyWhat a skank!

IsabelWhy do you say that?

TiffanyJust look at the way she dresses!

Hey, Evan. If I tell you something, you promise not to tell?


25

EvanWhat? What is it?

TiffanyMarie is a total tease. She flirts with guys just to get something. Thenshe talks about them behind their backs.

EvanReally?

TiffanyYeah. She’s just using you for that project. You better watch out

• • •

John GuerrieriHow many of you have ever had a rumor spread about you? Raiseyour hands. Okay, almost everyone in here.

Female StudentWe were sitting down in class one day and everybody was coming upto us making fun of us and saying stuff about us.

Female StudentWe’re like, what did we do? We didn’t do anything.

Female StudentIt wasn’t just in our class. People outside of our class knew it. Thewhole school knew it. And the people that said it were these tworeally popular guys and so everybody believed them.

Female StudentI had people coming up to me asking me if I had an STD, asking me if Ihad mono. I had to tell them no. And they didn’t believe me when Iacted like I didn’t know what they were talking about because I reallydidn’t.

John GuerrieriWhy do you think kids spread rumors?

Male StudentI think she was just jealous of the way she looked. She looked betterthan her, so she got mad.


John GuerrieriDo you think that plays in the rumors sometimes? Do you thinkpeople are jealous of other kids sometimes?

Male StudentSometimes when you have your group of friends and when youspread a rumor you feel like, oh yeah, well I’m the center of attention.So, you know, just pass it around.

John GuerrieriAm I getting attention when I’m spreading rumors?

ClassYes.

John GuerrieriAm I kind of more important because I’ve got all this information?

ClassYes.

• • •

Dr. FurlongSometimes they may be doing it because they’re trying to gain accep-tance from other people at the expense of somebody else. If that’shappening, of course, anybody needs to stop and say, “Is there anotherway to get that acceptance from other people?”

TiffanyCome over on Friday…Party at my house Friday night... Hey Pratt, I’mhaving a party Friday night. You’ve got to come. It’s going to be great!Everyone’ll be there. Well…almost everyone. See you later.

Dr. FurlongShe made it a point to let people know that somebody else was notbeing invited. So, harassment isn’t always real obvious. It can be verysubtle at times, too. The person who’s the target of the harassmentthough, knows very well what’s happening. And, in this situation, wecould tell very clearly that the new girl at school felt pretty devastatedby the message that was being sent, which is, “You don’t belong andyou’re unwanted.”


27

Gossiping…What are the effects?

John GuerrieriCan it affect your grades ‘cause you just kind of don’t care anymore?

Female StudentWhen you get hurt really bad from a rumor or something, you justthink, I don’t care anymore, I don’t care what grades I get, I don’t carewhat anyone thinks, I’m just going to sit by myself and think aboutthis. Someone hates me, someone thinks bad things about me. Andthen you start believing that.

Female StudentI didn’t want to go to school because I didn’t want to get called namesanymore. When I was at home I was crying a lot. I just didn’t want tocome back to school because it was so horrible

Dr. FurlongThe new girl to the school felt unaccepted, unwanted, didn’t feel likeshe belonged to the school. Her emotions became depressed. She wasdoing poorly in her classes. She felt inhibited approaching otherstudents. She wasn’t then able to hook up with other new friends oncampus. It can have a big, big effect if it’s not taken care of.

Gossiping…What if it happens to you?

MarieEvan, I didn’t hear from you last night. What happened?

EvanI’ve got to go to class, Marie.

MarieEvan, wait. What’s going on?

EvanI don’t know…I heard some things.

MarieWhat kinds of things?


EvanYou know…

MarieNo, what?

EvanLook Marie, I’ve got to go.

MarieNo, Evan. Please, tell me what’s going on.

EvanOkay. I heard that you were using me just to finish the social studiesproject.

MarieWhat?! I don’t know who told you that, or why, but it’s not true. It’sjust stupid gossip. I just found this in my locker. Someone has it in forme.

EvanSorry Marie. I didn’t know.

MarieListen, I really want to work with you on that project. Is that okay?

EvanYeah, okay.

• • •

John Guerrieri How did Marie handle it? Do you think she handled that in the rightway? What do you think?

ClassYeah.

John GuerrieriWhat are some other ways that she might have handled—is thereanything else she could have done?


29

Male StudentAfter she found out, she could have asked them who started it. Whosaid that about her? Confronted that person.

John GuerrieriMaybe she could have tried to find out who said it and go to thatperson and ask them why she said it.

Male StudentWhen you go confront the person, don’t come up to them like you gota mean face, like you’re ready to fight. Go up to them and say, “Whyyou spreading rumors about me, man?”

Male StudentThe person who started the rumor if they’re by theirself you can go tothem and confront them one on one instead of when they have all theirfriends. ‘Cause when they have all their friends, they get more atten-tion and they think they’re all cool.

John GuerrieriThat’s true.

Dr FurlongWhen someone is being harassed, they’re kind of faced with toughchoices and not easy ones. Different ways of responding can work atdifferent times. Some people try to cope with the harassment by suck-ing it up and saying, hopefully it will go away. Maybe that mightwork. Not a guarantee certainly at all. Something that’s more effectivein dealing with harassment is confronting the person and sendingthem a message that you don’t want them to be doing this anymore.

• • •

EvanHey, Tiffany.

TiffanyYeah?

EvanYou set me up. What you told me about Marie was a lie, wasn’t it?


TiffanyWell, I don’t know…she was just so…you and I have been friends along time…

EvanOh save it, Tiff! You know, I used to trust you guys. And now I’mnever going listen to you again!

• • •

John GuerrieriHow did you feel about how Evan confronted the girl who spread therumor? Do you think that girl will repeat that with him another timeafter she was confronted by Evan? Do you think that she’s likely to tellhim another rumor again?

ClassNo.

John GuerrieriWhy not?

Female StudentBecause he wouldn’t listen to it. He even said that he didn’t trust heranymore.

John GuerrieriWhat happens to kids that spread rumors and other kids find out thatthey’re just rumors and they’re not true? What happens to their repu-tations?—and this is extremely important.

Male StudentThey lose credibility.

John GuerrieriWhat do you mean by credibility?

Male StudentPeople won’t trust them next time when they have something to say.


31

Gossiping…What if you hear it?

TiffanyYou know Marie—the new girl? She comes on to all the guys. I heardshe did the same thing at her old school.

LucyYou don’t even know her. You’re just spreading rumors!

• • •

Dr. FurlongThere’s a lot of people who are bystanders. They know about it. Theyknow about what’s going on. They’ve got to stop and say, “Okay, whatam I going to do here? What is my responsibility? What do I do?” Inthe scene in the bathroom, the one young lady confronted the otherstudents, saying, “What are you doing? Why are you doing this?” And,she was a bystander who was standing up to the person who wasspreading the rumor about the new girl. We need to have more of that.

John GuerrieriHow many in here of you have ever spread a rumor? Raise your hand.I’m going to raise my hand, because I remember I’ve done it. What canyou do to keep yourself from spreading a rumor when you hear arumor about someone?

Female StudentYou can basically just don’t pass the rumor on. Just stop it. You don’tgo and tell everybody else about it.

John GuerrieriDon’t spread it. Just stop it.

Female StudentYou could ask them to not say that because it’s going round the school.

John GuerrieriSo you could ask them not to spread that. And how would you dothat? How would you say that to them?

Female StudentJust like—hey that’s not right, you shouldn’t be doing that.


Female StudentIn the times that I have spread rumors I haven’t thought about that inthe beginning. But I know that when the person does confront me Ifeel really guilty and I feel really bad and I wish I hadn’t done that.

TAUNTING

Taunting…What is it?

TyroneWhat’s the matter, girls?

PrattIt looks like your idea of dribbling is to drool all over the ball!You guys are such losers.

TyroneBye ladies.

PrattWe’ll see you on the cheerleading squad.

• • •

John Guerrieri So, what do you mean by taunting? How do kids taunt?

Female StudentLike, “Oh, you’re short.” They taunt you all the time, “Oh little shortynah nah nah nah nah.”

John GuerrieriOkay, and why do they do that?

Female StudentBecause they want to and they can.

Female StudentThey’re like, “Hey braces face. Hey four eyes. You’re so ugly. Youmust have so much problems with you. Why do you wear all that?Why don’t you get contacts? Why don’t you this and this?”


33

Female StudentThey’ll do it when I’m walking by so I can’t hear them, or I only hearlittle bits and pieces of what they say. But I have had people say them,like scream them, across the lunch area. When I used to hang outoutside, kids would say “You need to go back to the fat farm.”

Dr. FurlongTaunting would be a situation where someone’s name-calling some-body else. But not just calling them a name in passing, but trying to geta reaction out of them. It’s sort of the message to the person that you’rein my control, I’m more powerful than you. And the message I’msending to you is that you’re weak, you’re stupid, you’re fat, you’redumb. You know, so on and so forth. And that happens over and overagain and the person feels powerless to respond to it.

Taunting...What are the effects?

TyroneHey look who’s over there.

PrattIt’s the nerd of the day!

NormanHey Freddy, what’s going on?

FreddyI’ve tried ignoring them.

LucyLet’s leave.

NormanYeah.

FreddyNo. I’m not giving in to them.

TyroneBull’s-eye!


NormanI’m out of here.

LucyGood luck.

PrattGreat aim, Fredericka!

• • •

John GuerrieriNow usually when you get bullied and teased what are some emotionsthat you feel? Just raise your hand. What are some emotions?

Female StudentYou get angry.

John GuerrieriYou feel angry.

Female StudentFeel uncomfortable.

John GuerrieriYou feel uncomfortable.

Female StudentEmbarrassed.

John GuerrieriEmbarrassed.

Female StudentYou feel kind of worthless.

John GuerrieriYou feel kind of worthless.

So if I allow them to do that, and I show them that I’m angry or hurt,am I in control or are they in control?


35

ClassThey’re in control

John GuerrieriThey’re in control.

Dr. FurlongIf they can get the other person to lose control and look foolish andthen other students laugh at that student, all of a sudden they’re notthe bad guys or the bad girls or bad people. The person who has lostcontrol becomes the target of everyone’s laughter.

Taunting...What if you see it?

NormanHey Freddy. What’s going on?

FreddyI’ve tried ignoring them.

LucyLet’s leave.

NormanYeah.

FreddyNo. I’m not giving in to them.

LucyWell, in that case…neither are we.

NormanYeah.

LucyPratt—grow up! Don’t be so immature.

PrattAh, forget you.

• • •


John GuerrieriWho can tell me what happened and what helped him to deal withthat? Because that’s crucial—we haven’t even begun to talk about that.What happened?

Female StudentTheir friends stood up for him saying, “Look you shouldn’t do that.”

John GuerrieriOkay. And how did the bullies respond when some friends stood upfor him?

Female StudentThey walked away.

John GuerrieriThey walked away.

Dr. FurlongHe had friends who were there who were saying, “Yeah, we’re behindyou, we’re going to back you up.” That’s the ideal situation, whereyou’re not out on your own and you have some friends who are back-ing you up, not in an aggressive way again, but in a way of saying,“Look, enough. I don’t want you doing this anymore.”

Taunting...What if it happens to you?

John GuerrieriWhat are some other things that you can do in dealing with peoplethat tease and taunt and bully you?

Male StudentYou can use humor.

John GuerrieriYou can use humor. Give me an example.

Male StudentYeah, if a bully’s teasing you saying, “Where’d you get that ugly shirtfrom?” You can say, “I got it from the ugly shirt store.”


37

John GuerrieriYou got it from the ugly shirt store. What do you guys say, goodanswer?

ClassYeah.

• • •

TyroneWhat’s the matter, girls?

PrattIt looks like your idea of dribbling is to drool all over the ball!

FreddyHey, I can do that too!

PrattYeah, whatever.

TyroneCome on. Let’s go.

• • •

Dr. FurlongThey didn’t react the way that the guys who were harassing themwanted them to react—which was to feel bad, to look deflated, to getdefensive, maybe even to strike back. The young man used humor as away to try to change it from a confrontation to kind of take the steamout of the guys who are harassing them. If what you want to get out ofthe situation to stop being bothered, pestered, picked on, and harassed,then you need to stop and think, what’s my best strategy?

Female StudentIt does help if you tell them how you feel. I know a lot of people mightnot want to talk about their feelings or how they really feel, but if theydo, then you kind of make a connection with the person you’re tryingto talk with. And you’d maybe connect with their feelings as well.


Dr. FurlongClear communication about how other people’s behavior is affectingthem is an important skill to have. It’s difficult, when you’re thetarget, to have the courage to talk to somebody else about that. Butthat can and does work.

BULLYING

Bullying…What is it?

MoodyToo slow, moron!

PaulLeave me alone!

MoodyYou gonna make me, Shorty?

PaulGive ‘em back!

MoodyToilet shot! Shoots and scores. Yeah!

• • •

John GuerrieriDoes that type of bullying that you saw in the video happen here atschool?

ClassYeah.

John GuerrieriOkay. Where is it most likely to occur?

Male StudentMostly in the halls or outside where there’s no teachers.

John GuerrieriIn the halls or outside where there’s no teachers. So, where there’s nosupervision it’s most likely to occur. Yes?


39

Male StudentOn the courts, fields, or at the lunch tables.

John GuerrieriAt the lunch tables and out on the fields, like during lunch or break?

Male StudentYeah.

Dr. FurlongBullies don’t do these things out in the open, so they’re secretive aboutthem. They don’t want people to know about them. They want tointimidate the other person and they don’t do that right in front of theteacher or out loud. So they’re probably a little bit more tricky andsubtle in how they do this

Bullying...What are the effects?

WillHey Paul. How come you weren’t at school today? Did your parentslet you ditch ‘cause it’s your birthday?

PaulNo. Moody found out and promised me my birthday punches. Ialready have enough bruises. So, I just told my mom I didn’t feel well.

WillSo why don’t you just tell someone about this?

PaulYeah right, and get beat up twice as hard.

Dr. FurlongYou can see how he might start to change his own behaviors to avoidthese guys. And an extreme situation, like in this young man’s case, hedecided it was better just to stay home from school, just to avoid italtogether.

John Guerrieri And with that type of situation where they ruin the kid’s glasses, isthere a chance that that might escalate and get worse?


ClassYes.

John GuerrieriYes it would be.

Male Student‘Cause if any bullying gets even worse, it could lead to the recentshootings. They’ll just get ideas.

Dr. FurlongIt’s becoming a more serious problem because some people who havebeen bullied now feel that their only course of action is to bring a gunto school. Most people who’ve been bullied over and over again onschool campus, they don’t strike back in that way. Usually theybecome very depressed again. They may get into drugs. There’sincidents where they become suicidal even, because they feel that theydon’t have friends, and they feel that they’re cut off, and they feelvictimized. So, the consequences can be very, very extreme and theyneed to be taken seriously.

Bullying...What if it happens to you?

PaulMr. Sizemore, can we talk?

Mr. SizemoreYeah. Come on in. What can I help you with?

• • •

John GuerrieriWhat’d he do to solve the problem?

Male StudentWent to the counselor’s office or the guidance office.

John GuerrieriNow at first he didn’t want to go to the counselor’s office. Why didn’the want to go to the counselor’s office?


41

Male StudentBecause he didn’t want to get beat up or be a rat for telling.

John GuerrieriOkay, he didn’t want to get beat up for being a rat or telling. So whatwas he afraid of if he went to the counselor?

Male StudentHe’d go on him twice as hard.

John GuerrieriThat he would go on him twice as hard if what happened?

Male StudentIf he went and told the adult.

John GuerrieriIf they found out that he went and told the counselor. Is that right? Isthat a fear in this school?

ClassYes.

Dr. FurlongIt’s very important to go to an adult, and trust an adult, and talk withthem. That’s not to narc. That’s to take care of yourself. That’s tomake sure that your needs are being taken care of, that your hurt isbeing taken care of, and to talk with the adult about what your optionsare.

Those discussions should include your fears or worries about beingretaliated against. That’s something you need to talk with the adultabout and explore how you can make sure that that doesn’t happen toyou. You need to make sure that you get the help and support thatyou need, and you have a right to do that. You have a right not to bethe target of harassment.

John GuerrieriWhy is that the right thing to do—to tell them the situation, even ifthey know it’s going to be you that told?


Female StudentBecause maybe you could stop the problem from happening.

John GuerrieriMaybe you can stop the problem from happening.

Female StudentIn life you have to take risks, because if you don’t tell you can getbadly hurt. But if you do, maybe he’ll stop maybe he won’t, but youstill have to take that risk.

John GuerrieriYou still have to take a risk. In other words, it’s kind of a good risk totake.

Bullying...What if you see it?

Female StudentIf you see something really serious going on where someone’s going toget really badly hurt you should tell anyway. Because if it getsstopped, then that’s what everybody wants and if they’re going tohave a fight anyway it’s just better if you go off and tell somebody.Even if the people know that you were the one who told. At least it’sstopped. That’s the whole point.

John GuerrieriIf you knew you could have stopped it by telling someone and some-one got seriously hurt how would you feel?

Female StudentI’d feel really, really bad because I could have prevented them fromgetting hurt.

Dr. FurlongWhat you need to know is that people at school really want to helpyou. They don’t want this to be happening on their school campus, onyour school campus. If they know about this, they want to make surethey take steps to make sure that you’re okay, that you’re taken care of,that you’re not hurting anymore, and that you can get back to thebusiness of being a student, of learning, and of making friends.


43

Coping With Feelings

John GuerrieriThere’s two parts to being a bully, and teasing and taunting, and beingthe victim. One is, how do you deal with it at the moment? And then,how do you deal with it the next day and the next week, and the nextmonth and the next year, when this is continually happening? So I’mgoing to ask you guys—how do you deal with the pain that teasingand taunting and bullying causes?

Female StudentSometimes if you talk to a close friend and you just talk about theproblem and how you feel, and sometimes you just get it out and it’s alot better. And usually, you know, with your close friends, they’llmake you feel better and they’ll try to get your self-esteem back up.

Female StudentYou could write in a journal or write it down on a piece of paper.

John GuerrieriYou could write it in a journal. Is that helpful to write it down onpaper? Yes it is, it’s another way of getting it out, isn’t it?

Male StudentFor me, it is just go sit down and listen to some music.

John GuerrieriListen to some music. Good, that’s another way of releasing it.

Male StudentYou could go to an arcade. Or people that skateboard—they could justskateboard with their friends.

John GuerrieriOkay. Do something fun.

Female StudentI usually talk to my mom because—I don’t know who here is reallyclose to their mom, but I consider my mom one of my best friends. Italk to her every night.


John GuerrieriThat’s wonderful.

Male StudentSometimes if it gets real bad and out of hand you’ve got to go to acounselor or somebody. ‘Cause, you know, the counselor will keep itconfidential.

Dr. FurlongThe problem of harassment in school is going to require that we allwork together. But you can make a difference if you are the target ofharassment at school by standing up for your rights and by seekinghelp when you need it. And you can make a difference if you see thisoccurring to someone else on school campus and you help them standup for their rights or help them get the help that they need on schoolcampus. We have a responsibility to say, “You know what, not here, noway, not in our school.”

The End


45

Table of ContentsHandouts

Pre-Viewing

Does Harassment Go On At Your School? . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 1Could You Be A Harasser? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 2Four Steps to Assertiveness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 3What About Body Language? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 4Tune In to Your Rights . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 5

Gossiping

Things to Think About and Discuss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 1Passive or Assertive? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 2Stand Up, Speak Out! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 3

Taunting

Things to Think About and Discuss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 1Passive or Assertive? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 2Laughing It Off . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 3“I Was Just Kidding!”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 4It’s So-o-o Funny! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 5Stand Up, Speak Out! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 6

Bullying

Things to Think About and Discuss . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 1Passive or Assertive? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 2Bullies in Books . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 3Stand Up, Speak Out! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 4Dealing with Harassment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 5Sign On! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Handout 6

Handouts may be copied for class distribution.

© Sunburst Visual Media, a division of Global Video, LLC

Pre-Viewing

Handout 1

Are you ____ male ____ female ?

Have you been harassed during the pastyear? ____ yes ____ noIf yes, how often?____ once in a while ____ frequently____ daily

Have you harassed someone during thepast year? ____ yes ____ noIf yes, how often?____ once in a while ____ frequently____ daily

When you hear gossip about someone, doyou try to stop it?____ never ____ sometimes____ always

When you have harassed someone, or seensomeone being harassed, what form didthe harassment take? (Check all thatapply.)____ teasing or taunting____ name-calling____ threatening____ gossiping____ tripping, shoving, hitting, kicking or scratching____ grabbing, groping, or inappropriate

touching____ taking and hiding belongings____ excluding or rejecting____ other (please describe)_______________________________________________________________________________

Does Harassment GoOn At Your School?

If you were harassed or saw anotherperson harassed during the past year, didthe harasser target your or the otherperson’s… (Check all that apply.)____ looks, height, weight?____ race or religion?____ lack of self-confidence or social skills?____ academic achievements or learning

disability?____ other reasons? (please describe)____________________________________________________________________________

How aware of any harassment are teachersand administrators at your school?____ very aware____ somewhat aware____ not at all aware

What else do you think teachers andadministrators at your school could do tostop harassment?___ supervise the hallways, cafeteria,

schoolyard, bathrooms and buses better

___ establish and enforce rules against harassment___ encourage students to recognize the

effect their actions have on others___ encourage victims to report harassment___ encourage bystanders to speak out

when they see harassment taking place___ help the whole school community

(students, teachers, staff, parents) become aware of harassing behavior

___ other suggestions (please describe)____________________________________________________________________________

Harassment is any kind of persistent and unwelcome behavior that you feel is both unaccept-able and inappropriate. Does harassment go on at your school?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.


Pre-Viewing

Handout 2

For each question, circle whether the answer is “yes,” “sometimes,” or “no.”

Do you enjoy teasing others?

yes sometimes no

If you see that your teasing is upsetting someone, do you stop?

yes sometimes no

Do you laugh if someone makes a mistake or hesitates?

yes sometimes no

Do you think it’s fun to embarrass someone?

yes sometimes no

Do you pick on people who can’t or are unwilling to fight back?

yes sometimes no

When another person is harassing someone, do you go along?

yes sometimes no

Do you feel you always have to come out on top?

yes sometimes no

If someone makes you angry, do you have trouble getting over your anger?

yes sometimes no

Do you blame others for the things that happen to you?

yes sometimes no

If someone harasses you, do you feel the need to get revenge?

yes sometimes no

Could You Be A Harasser?

Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for each “yes” you have circled, 2points for each “sometimes,” and 5 points for each “no.” If your scoreis 25 or above, you are not a harasser. However, if your score is lessthan 25, it might be a good idea to take stock of your behavior.Rather than harassing someone, ask yourself how you would feel inthat person’s place.

yesno

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.


Pre-Viewing

Handout 3

What a harasser wants is to get some kind of reaction from you, one that shows that theharassment affects you in some negative way. If you respond assertively, you make it clearto the harasser that your rights must be respected. Here are four steps to help you countergossiping, taunting, or bullying and let the harasser know where you stand.

State your position firmly and clearly.

Say how you feel and what you want, and walk away.“Stop spreading rumors about me.”“I don’t like to be teased. I want you to stop.”“Don’t touch me.”

If the harassment continues, repeat your position.

Stay calm, and show that you mean what you’re saying. Don’t accept theharasser’s excuse that he or she was “only kidding.”

“Look, don’t say that stuff about me anymore.”“I’ve told you, you’re not funny. Don’t say that again.”“Back off and keep your hands to yourself.”

Take the offensive, if you’re still being harassed.

Be assertive, but don’t be aggressive. Stay cool! Ask:“I’ve said to quit saying that. What’s your problem?”“Why are you still teasing me when I’ve told you to stop?”“I’ve told you to back off. What don’t you understand?”

Get help.

There’s safety in numbers, so call on friends. Without using violence,they can help you confront harassers and let them know that whatthey’re doing is not okay. However, if a harasser threatens you, seek helpfrom an adult.

Four Steps to Assertiveness


Pre-Viewing

Handout 4

Being assertive, saying how you feel and what you want, will help you to stand up for yourrights against a harasser. Your body language also plays a big role in being assertive. Theway you stand, your facial expressions, and what you do with your hands convey as muchas your words. With a classmate, brainstorm for answers to the following questions. Thenshare your answers with the class.

� What makes a person look confident?

� How do confident people hold their heads? Their hands?Their shoulders? Their bodies?

� Why does making eye contact make you appear moreconfident?

� Are harassers less likely to pick on people who look confident?Why or why not?

� How can you change your body language to prevent yourselffrom being harassed?

What AboutBody Language?


Pre-Viewing

Handout 5Tune In to Your Rights

Harassment is all about power, about one person’s taking away another person’s right to asafe, harassment-free learning environment. Turning off harassment means tuning in toyour Relationship Bill of Rights, presented below. To be sure you understand what each rightinvolves, read over and discuss it with classmates.

My Relationship Bill of Rights

1. 1. 1. 1. 1. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to express my feelings and opinions.

2. 2. 2. 2. 2. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to make my own decisions and behave inmy own best interest.

3. 3. 3. 3. 3. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to make or refuse requests.

4. 4. 4. 4. 4. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to expect agreements and promisesto be kept.

5. 5. 5. 5. 5. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to change my mind if I feel I’ve madea wrong decision.

6. 6. 6. 6. 6. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to control my own money and possessions.

7. 7. 7. 7. 7. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to set my own emotional boundaries.

8. 8. 8. 8. 8. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to set physical boundaries for myself.

9. 9. 9. 9. 9. I have the rightI have the rightI have the rightI have the rightI have the right to be treated with respect.

10. 10. 10. 10. 10. I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right I have the right to be who I am.


Gossiping

Handout 1

Why do you think Tiffany spread therumor about Marie? What are otherreasons people might spread rumors?

When a rumor about someone makesits way around your school, is itpossible to know whether or not therumor is true? How could you tell?

In addition to spreading rumorsabout Marie, Tiffany put a hurtfulnote in Marie’s locker and made a bigshow of excluding Marie from herparty. Can name-calling and exclu-sion also be considered harassment?Why or why not?

Have you ever been intentionallyexcluded from something youwanted to do or been the victim of ananonymous nasty note? How did itmake you feel?

Lucy confronted Tiffany while shewas spreading a rumor about Marie.Does a bystander have a responsibil-ity to stop peer harassment? Why orwhy not?

What are the reasons a bystanderwould not speak up? Are fears ofbeing the next target or of not beingaccepted sufficient reasons? Why orwhy not?

In your school, does a lot of gossip-ing go on? What do students gossipabout? Do you think gossip canbecome a problem for kids? Whyor why not?

When is gossip a form of harass-ment? What harm can it cause?How can it affect someone’sreputation?

Tiffany told Evan a story she hadmade up about Marie. Why do youthink she would do it? Why do youthink Evan believed it? Why didTiffany’s friends go along?

Gossip has been called “light andeasy to raise, but grievous to bearand hard to get rid of.” Do youagree? Why or why not?

Some people claim that there’s noharm in gossip if it’s true. Is it some-times worse to tell something that’strue about another person than it isto lie? Discuss why or why not.

Is there ever a time when gossip isharmless? Explain.

Evan challenged Tiffany on her lieafter Marie talked to him andshowed him the note left in herlocker. What else could Marie havedone to counter the harassment?

Things to Think Aboutand Discuss

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.


Gossiping

Handout 2

Read the definitions below of “passive” and “assertive.”

passive: acting wishy-washy or behaving timidly when you or others are harassed

assertive: acting confidently while standing up for yourself or others when harassed

Write “P” or “A” to describe whether the kids in the program reactedpassively or assertively.

____ Hearing Tiffany tell Evan a story she made up about Marie, Isabel sits thereand says nothing.

____ Marie confronts Evan about his failure to call and shows him Tiffany’s note.

____ Marie tells Evan that what he heard about her is just “stupid gossip,”and that she really wants to work with him on the project.

____ Marie runs off when girls at a table in the library don’t let her sitdown at the table.

____ Evan confronts Tiffany about her lie and vows never to listen to her again.

____ Hearing Tiffany say that Marie comes on to all the guys, Lucy tells her she’sjust spreading rumors.

Write “P” or “A” to describe whether the teens in the situations belowreacted passively or assertively:

____ Jamie walks away when Ashley, the leader of a clique, excludes her fromthe group’s favorite section of the schoolyard.

____ Brian, who is running for class president, overhears Josh spreading a rumorthat he is buying votes from classmates. Brian turns to Josh and says, “That’sa lie. Who told you that?”

____ Chrissie sees Derek writing “Chrissie is easy” on the wall. She asks himwhy he would do that and tells him to cross it out.

Passive or Assertive?


Gossiping

Handout 3

Role-plays are a great way to practice assertive responses. You can then use them to standup for yourself when someone harasses you, or speak out when you see someone elsebeing harassed. Here are some role-play situations relating to gossip and rumor. You andyour teacher may think of others.

� Jenna discovers that a girl in her group has convinced the others inthe group to exclude her from the cafeteria table where they allhave lunch together every day.

What can Jenna do? What can Jenna say?

� Ben and Jake are competing hard for the one opening onthe school wrestling team and Ben wins. But then Ben discoversthat Jake is spreading the rumor that he won because heuses steroids.

What can Ben do? What can Ben say?

� Heather, the most popular girl in Kaitlin’s group, is spreading arumor about another girl that Kaitlin knows to be untrue. WhenKaitlin confronts Heather with her lie, Heather tells Kaitlin,“Watch out or you’ll be next.”

What can Kaitlin do? What can Kaitlin say?

� Joey has a reputation for being “cool,” because of hisfrequent boasts about the pranks he likes to pull. His friend Rickknows that most of what Joey says is made up. However, someonewrecked school property over the weekend, and now the rumor’sgoing around that Joey is responsible.

What can Rick do? What can Rick say?

Stand Up, Speak Out!


Taunting

Handout 1

What kinds of taunting or teasing goon at your school? What names orwords are in common use? Who arethe targets?

Is all teasing harassment? In whatsituations might teasing be okay?

If someone calls you a name ortaunts you, how does it make youfeel? Do your feelings ever lead youto want to fight? Would you con-sider taunting back a reasonablething to do? Why or why not?

Is it really such a big deal if someonetaunts you or calls you a name?Would it make a difference if theysay they were just joking? Howwould you feel if someone said ordid something mean to you, andthen announced he or she was justkidding?


1. Think about the first scene betweenPratt and Freddie. How did Freddiehandle the taunting? Was thereanything else Freddie could havedone?

When Pratt started bombardingFreddie with french fries, what didFreddie do? Why wasn’t ignoring thesituation a help to Freddie? Howdid the presence of Freddie’sfriends, Norman and Lucy, make adifference?

The counselor in the video suggestsusing humor to counter taunting.What makes humor an effectivestrategy?

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.


Taunting

Handout 2




Write “P” or “A” to describe whether the kids in the video reactedpassively or assertively.

____ Taunted about their basketball skills, Freddie and Norman let the “jocks” takeover the court.

____ When Lucy and Norman see what’s happening to Freddie, they stay to givehim support.

____ Freddie stays where he is even though Pratt is pelting him with fries.

____ When Lucy and Norman see what’s happening to Freddie, they take theirtrays and leave.

____ Freddie and Norman use humor to deflect Pratt’s taunting.

Write “P” or “A” to describe whether the teens in the situations belowreacted passively or assertively:

____ Although his classmates make coarse jokes about his interest in the dramaclub, Tony tries out for the male lead anyway.

____ Carrie knows she needs to lose weight, so she feels she can’t really sayanything when her friends make comments about her size.

____ Always a top student, Emily decides not to study so hard anymore becausethe girls in her class call her “the brain” and leave her out of their activities.



Taunting

Handout 3

Humor can sometimes be a very effective strategy for taking the steam out of a harasser.Humor can reverse a tease or taunt simply by poking fun at it, using comic or playfulexaggeration. Below are some examples of the reverse tease. Try your hand at thinking upresponses to the other taunts.

Examples

The Taunt: That’s the ugliest shirt I ever saw!Your Response: Of course it is. I bought it in an ugly shirt store.

The Taunt: Hey Brace-face!Your Response: Aren’t these wires great? They keep me in

touch with outer space!

The Taunt: Who taught you to play hoops? Your Grandma?

Your Response: _______________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

The Taunt: What a cow! Moo!

Your Response: ______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

The Taunt: You’re the biggest nerd in this school.

Your Response: ______________________________________________________

______________________________________________________

Laughing It Off


Taunting

Handout 4

Write about a time when you were teased, taunted, or put down, and the person toldyou, “I was just kidding!” or “Can’t you take a joke?” Describe what happened and howyou felt about it. What did you or someone else do to make the situation better? If youwish, don’t use real names except for your own. Also if you wish, share yourcomposition with the class.

“I Was Just Kidding!”

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________


Taunting

Handout 5

Many TV shows get most of their laughs from the sarcastic taunts andputdowns the characters give one another. Watch your favorite showsfor examples of harassing behavior designed to draw laughter.Describe and dissect your examples to show why the taunts andputdowns might be considered hurtful or inappropriate rather thanfunny. Share your observations with the class.

Example 1 ________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

Example 2 ________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

Example 3 ________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________

It’s So-o-o Funny!Harassment in Prime-Time


Taunting

Handout 6

Role-plays are a great way to practice assertive responses. You can use them to stand upfor yourself when someone harasses you, or speak out when you see someone else beingharassed. Here are some role-plays for practicing responses to taunting. You and yourteacher may think of others.

� Megan not only wears glasses, but just got braces. Tommyalways gets a rise out of his friends by referring to her as “Four-eyes” and “Brace-face.”

What can Megan do? What can Megan say?

� Zach thinks it’s hysterical to put Alex down, just because he’s notinterested in sports.

What can Alex do? What can Alex say?

� Teresa is continually taunting Marta about her taste in clothes, andMarta is fed up.

What can Marta do? What can Marta say?

� Putu, Samantha’s friend, is from a foreign country and speakswith an accent. A group of kids think it’s fun to mimic Putu, whogets terribly embarrassed.

What can Samantha do? What can Samantha say?


Bullying

Handout 1


How would you define bullying? Doesbullying always mean threatening orphysically assaulting someone? Wouldyou consider that it also includes gossip-ing, name-calling, teasing, excludingsomeone, writing anonymous nasty notes,and the like? Why or why not?

Think about the scenes between Paul andMoody. Why do you think Moody singledPaul out as a target?

Are there certain types of kids whousually become a bully’s target? Who arethey and why? Are there certain types ofkids who like to bully others? Who arethey and why?

What do bullies get out of being mean toother kids? Do you think it makes themmore popular with their friends?

Do you think other kids really like bullies?Could you be a bully and not realize it?What could you do to stop?

Paul was sure Moody would beat him uptwice as hard if he told an adult what washappening. Is this a good reason not totell? Why or why not?

Paul endured Moody’s bullying ratherthan talk to an adult about it. If you werebeing bullied, would you tell? What doyou think would happen if you told? Ifthere were a safe way to tell, would you doit? Why or why not?


Do you think that adults are aware of anygossip, taunting, or bullying that goes onin your school? Does harassing behavioronly take place when adults are notaround? Do the kids who harass thenthreaten other kids not to tell adults?

Can you think of some ways a youngperson could deal with being harassedwithout being embarrassed or harassedeven more?

Do you ever see any students beingtaunted, bullied, or gossiped about? Doyou ever feel there’s something you coulddo about it? Why or why not?

What do you think should be yourresponsibility when you see harassingbehavior? Would you speak out yourself?If one bystander decides to speak out,would you join in? Why or why not?

Can you think of some ways a bystandercould effectively put an end to hurtfulgossip or rumors, taunting or bullying?What would you consider acceptableactions?

Has reporting harassment to an adult evermade the situation better? Whom didyou talk to? What did you say? Whatwas the outcome?

Has reporting harassment to an adult evermade the situation worse? What was theoutcome? How do most students feelabout “telling” an adult?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

12.

10.

11.

13.

14.

Bullying

Handout 2


Write “P” or “A” to describe whether the kids in the program reactedpassively or assertively.

____ When Moody throws Paul’s glasses in the toilet, Paul quietly retrieves them.

____ Paul skips school on his birthday to avoid getting Moody’s birthday punches.

____ Will encourages Paul to speak to someone about Moody’s bullying.

____ Paul won’t tell on Moody because he fears getting beaten up twice as hard.

____ Paul asks Mr. Sizemore for help in dealing with Moody.

Write “P” or “A” to describe whether the teens in the situations belowreacted passively or assertively.

____ Diego sees Christian, an upper classman, “pants” Anthony, a small kid, in thelocker room every chance he gets. Diego walks away or pretends he doesn’tknow what’s going on.

____ Tired of having her sister charge in and change the channel when she’swatching television, Danielle tells her sister, “I was here first. Please change itback to my show now.”

____ Carl made the mistake of laughing out loud when Kevin tripped and fell inclass. Now, with Kevin threatening to “get him,” Carl has decided to talk tothe school counselor.





Bullying

Handout 3


Books that feature bullies can provide you with insight into a bully’s motivation as well asways to handle bullies. Write a book report on one of the fiction books for young peoplelisted in the bibliography for this program, or ask your school or local public librarian forrecommendations. In writing your report, try to answer the following questions:

� What kind of bullying behavior took place?

� In what ways did the bully show his or her power?

� Why do you think the bully acted as he or she did?

� How did the person targeted by the bully react?

� What strategies did the bully’s target use to confront the bully?

� Which strategies worked? Which didn’t?

� What else could the bully’s target have done?

� If there were bystanders to the bullying, what did they do?What could they have done?

Bullies in Books

Bullying

Handout 4



Role-plays are a great way to practice assertive responses. You can use them to stand upfor yourself when someone harasses you, or speak out when you see someone else beingharassed. Here are some role-plays for practicing responses to bullying. You and yourteacher may think of others.

� No matter how hard Jamal tries to avoid him, Darren usually findsa way to trip, push, or shove Jamal as he goes from one class toanother.

What can Jamal do? What can Jamal say?

� Sophie is having fun in a dodge-ball game when she suddenlyrealizes that some of the kids on her team are firing the ball at oneparticular member of the other team as though they wanted toinjure him.

What can Sophie do? What can Sophie say?

� On the bus ride to school, Sam keeps grabbing Taylor’s lunch andplaying “keep-away” with friends.

What can Taylor do? What can Taylor say?

� As Eduardo and his friend, Jeremy, walk to a cafeteria table,Jeremy accidentally bumps into one of the school’s bullies, spillinghis tray. The bully’s reaction is immediate: “You did that onpurpose!” he shouts. “I’ll get you for this!”

What can Eduardo do? What can Eduardo say?

Bullying

Handout 5


Harassment is any kind of continuing behavior that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable.Such behavior, which includes gossiping, taunting, and bullying, is always unwanted andfar from harmless. If you find yourself harassed:

� Don’t ignore or rationalize the incident. Telling yourself it’s nobig deal will seldom put a stop to future incidents.

� Don’t “lose it” and strike back. If you lose control, you giveharassers exactly what they want, which is to have control andpower over you.

� Confront the harasser. Tell the harasser how you feel and thatyou want the harassment to stop. Be assertive, not aggressive.

� When possible, use humor to deflect the attacks. Joking canput a harasser off balance and take the steam out of the attacks.

� Get support. If you feel uncomfortable confronting the harasseryourself, it’s okay to call on a friend or friends to back you up.There’s safety and comfort in numbers. But never use violence.

� Keep a record. Write down the the date and place of eachincident and how it made you feel.

� Report it. Describe the incidents to a teacher or counselor. Don’tfeel embarrassed or think that you won’t be believed. If schoolstaff do not hear any harassment complaints, they may be led tobelieve that the school climate is not troublesome to students.

If you see somebody being harassed, don’t just stand by and do nothing. You can:

� Defend the target of harassment publicly.

� Support the victim privately. Encourage the target to report the incident.

� Report the incident yourself—especially if you think the harasser might hurt someone.

� Get other bystanders to confront the harasser as a group.

� Be a friend. Include the target of harassment in your activities.

Dealing with Harassment

Remember to always consider your own safetywhen figuring out how to respond to a harasser.

Bullying

Handout 6

I will pledge…

• to eliminate profanity towards others from my language.

• to eliminate taunting from my own behavior.

• to not let my words or actions hurt others.

• to be a part of the solution.

• to encourage others to do the same.

• to set the example of a caring individual.

__________________________________ (Signature Here)

The “I Will Pledge” program, designed to promote caring and respect among students, is apart of anti-violence efforts in schools nationwide. Sign your pledge to help affirm thegoals of inclusion, respect, and support among all students.

Sign On!



Credits

Executive Producer

Susan Eikov Green

Supervising Producer

Susan Simmons

Producer

Rebecca Goalby FisherGravity Video

Teacher’s Guide

Ruth Grossman

Copyright 2001Sunburst Visual Media, a division of Global Video, LLC

Pleasantville, NY 10570

ISBN 0-7805-4506-0

student workshop gossiping, taunting,...

Documents