studentlearningpotentials.weebly.com/uploads/6/0/7/3/60735231/...- ethnocentrism through the...

Student #: _________________________________

Student Name: _______________________________________________________

Unless specified otherwise, all teaching materials in this booklet belong to Sophie Muller but can be freely used by others if ownership is acknowledged

1

INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION I Teacher: Sophie Muller Email: [email protected] Website: http://learningpotentials.weebly.com Select “Intercultural Communication” COURSE DESCRIPTION This course will help you understand some key concepts involved in intercultural communication: ethnocentrism, egocentrism, perspectives, discrimination, … This accumulated knowledge and experience should help you develop your cultural awareness and improve your intercultural communication skills. You will learn: - to question the origin of discrimination and your points of view; - to engage in meaningful conversation with myself and your classmates to understand others’ opinions; - to clearly express your opinions and feelings; You will be given the opportunity to discover who you are to facilitate your positioning while communicating with people from other cultures. EVALUATION Be aware: 3 absences = F (failure by absence) - Participation: 30% - Mid Term: 40% - Final: 30% SEMESTER SCHEDULE Week 1 - Motto activity: who are you? - Preconceptions: what do this semester’s concepts mean to you? Week 2 - M. Luther King & Gandhi’s dreams for the world; Imagine, J. Lennon’s song interpreted by 40 Israeli & 40 Arab children for S. Perez’s birthday: making the world a place where people see one another as brothers and sisters. - Ethnocentrism through the different cultural meanings of tattoos. Week 3 - Discrimination: introduction with the universal language of music; common basis for discrimination: 1. philosophy of superior and inferior races, racial discrimination in history with Hitler and Rwanda; 2. skin color; 3. main ethnic group vs. minorities: Japan & minorities, US & minorities with Freedom Writers Diary - Discrimination & ethnocentrism. Week 4 - From ethnocentrism to egocentrism: personal meanings of tattoos; etymology. - Duck activity: “all different, all just right” Kaneko Misuzu. Week 5 Collectivist societies: definition, focus, origins of collectivism in Japan, positive & negative aspects of collectivism, collectivism leading to bullying (lunch mate syndrome).

2

Week 6 - Blood type discussion to emphasize the importance of critical thinking. - Individualism: definition, examples of individualism & collectivism, strong & weak points, finding balance. - Perspectives: Japan compared to the rest of the world (collectivist) and to other Asian countries (individualist); no absolute truth. Week 7 - Perspectives: The Danger of a Single Story, Chimamanda Adichie (TED Talk): knowing different perspectives teaches us about empathy. - Sam Richards, A Radical Experiment in Empathy, TEDx UPenn. Week 8 Mid-term: student-led discussions Week 9 - 6 keys to successful communication – understanding (1) and respecting (2) differences – common ground (3) – smiling (4) – speaking (5) – listening (6). - Common ground; understanding and respecting differences; Weird or Just Different? Derek Sivers (TED Talk). - Smiling: Universal expression of emotions: Paul Ekman’s work & the Facial Action Coding System; physiological changes related to smiles; making others smile; The Hidden Power of Smiling, Ron Gutman (TED Talk). Week 10 - Speaking and listening: general introduction. - Speaking: speaking to make other people smile; experiments with negative and positive words; the stereotype embodiment theory: the power of words; changing speaking habits. Week 11 - “How do you want to be remembered?” video: power of kindness (Jen ratio & positive human interactions). - Speaking: negative influence of media or people; possible solutions; overcoming shyness; being a good finder. Week 12 - Review of week 10 & 11 and introduction of kotodame (言霊). - Speaking & laughter: therapeutic and social benefits of laughter; Patch Adams’ story. - Keys to being a good communicator. Week 13 Listening: facts; why we don’t listen to people; how to listen to people; what to listen to. Week 14 Listening: skills; benefits of true listening; why we can’t listen to people; how we can listen: Five Ways to Listen Better, Julian Treasure (TED Talk). Week 15 Final: student-led discussions

Intercultural Communication I Week 1

3

Class content: - Motto activity: who are you? - Preconceptions: what do this semester’s concepts mean to you?

Motto activity

Your Motto

What you’ve learned about others

Semester’s concepts: your preconceptions

1. Ethnocentrism

a) What does “ethnocentrism” mean?

b) Why do you think it might be harmful and/or dangerous to evaluate/judge another culture from your own culture?

2. Discrimination

a) What does “discrimination” mean?

b) Besides race, age, or sex, what other types of discrimination can you think about?


4

3. Egocentrism

a) What does “egocentrism” (not “selfishness”, 我が儘 -わがまま) mean?

b) Why do you think it might be harmful and/or dangerous to evaluate/judge another person using your own experience?

4. Collectivism

What are the characteristics of a collectivist society?

5. Individualism

What are the characteristics of an individualist society?

6. What skills do you need to successfully communicate with other people?


5

Class content: - M. Luther King & Gandhi’s dreams for the world; Imagine, J. Lennon’s song interpreted by 40 Israeli & 40 Arab children for S. Perez’s birthday: making the world a place where people see one another as brothers and sisters. - Ethnocentrism through the different cultural meanings of tattoos.

Class Presentation

Through this class, I wish to help you discover who you are, as well as explore all your potential in order to help you better communicate. Knowing yourself and better communicating with others are deeply connected. As Seneca the Elder (ca. 54 BC - ca. 39 AD) wrote: “How can the soul which misunderstands Itself have a sure idea of other creatures”.

In addition, I have a dream very similar to that of M. Luther King and M. Gandhi. I hope that we can have equality among people so that they all feel like brothers and sisters and can share the world peacefully. I strongly believe that equality can be reached if we know ourselves deeply and realize that we are just human beings, that it is just “Us”, instead of “Us vs. Them”.

Imagine, John Lennon1

Imagine there's no Heaven It's easy if you _________ No Hell below us Above us only _________ Imagine all the people Living for today Imagine there's no _______________ It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too Imagine all the ________________ Living life in peace Tattoos Word origin: "tattoo" comes from the Tahitian word "tatau". Captain James Cook used the word "tattow" when he witnessed tattooing for the first time in Tahiti, in 1769. IN NEW ZEALAND Source: http://history-nz.org/maori3.html In Maori, “tattoo” is “ta moko”. Because the head is considered the most sacred part of the body by Maori, high-ranking Maori had their faces tattooed, and those who went without tattoos were seen as persons of no social status.

Anehana, around 1900

1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0F_6plYyTM&feature=fvst

You may say I'm a _____________ But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will be as ______ Imagine no possessions I wonder if you can No need for greed or hunger A brotherhood of __________ Imagine all the people Sharing all the world You may say that I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will live as one

http://history-nz.org/discovery2.html


6

The women were not as extremely tattooed as the men. Their upper lips were outlined, usually in dark blue. The nostrils were also very finely incised. The chin moko was always the most popular.

The moko is similar to an identity card, or passport. For men, the moko showed their rank, their status and their virility. The position of power and authority could be instantly recognized in his moko. It would be considered a great insult if the person was not recognized as the chief he was. The male facial tattoo is generally divided into 8 sections: 1. The center forehead area = rank

2. Around the brows = position

3. The eyes and nose area = rank

4. The temples = first and second marriage

5. The area under the nose = signature

6. The cheek area = work

7. The chin = magical power

8. The jaw = birth status

IN HUMAN TRAFFICKING2 In the U.S., about 100,000 children are forced into prostitution each year. These young people, mainly girls, are victims of child sex trafficking: they are modern-day slaves. While pimps (ポン引き) use a number of techniques to keep these children under their control, tattooing is a popular tool as it is a permanent sign of ownership. Since 2006, a growing number of human trafficking cases have been identified where a pimp forced his victims to get a tattoo, such as his nickname or initials. Sometimes, these girls are minors, and the pimp will pretend to be a parent or guardian giving permission for the tattoo. These tattoos are mental and physical scars that young girls need to have removed when and if they can escape their pimp. Change.org has petitioned the National Tattoo Association to help stop the practice. The Association has agreed to develop a training to help prevent pimps and traffickers from using tattooing to abuse and exploit children.

2 http://www.change.org/petitions/stop-pimps-tattoo-branding-of-sex-trafficking-victims http://www.kpbs.org/photos/galleries/2011/nov/01/child-sex-trafficking-increasing-san-diego/ http://www.inflexwetrust.com/2012/03/25/madrid-sex-trafficking-arrests-reveal-pimps-tattooed-bar-codes-on-prostitutes/


7

A Christian tattoo artist3 now works with the police to turn gang and human trafficking tattoos into artistic tattoos. “He covers up their vile markings with beautiful artwork, flowers of pink and purple, bright hearts, shooting stars, whatever the girls' want. They love to choose the art, the colors, the images, but most of all, they love to have the vile markings made invisible.“4 Considering all the meanings linked to tattoos, I believe it is hard to have a specific point of view on them. We should rather be open and try to understand the reason(s) behind each tattoo, and then decided what we think about it. Ethnocentrism - When you see a tattoo, you see it with Japanese eyes, with a specific cultural background, a filter that other countries might not have. That is how you see the World as well: through a Japanese lens. - When someone judges people from other cultures, without taking this filter/lens into account, it’s called ethnocentrism: the person is being ethnocentric. - To avoid ethnocentrism, ask yourself how the Other sees the world (what’s his/her filter), and try to understand his/her point of view.

3 http://abcnews.go.com/US/slideshow/chris-baker-tattoo-artist-18630428 4 http://www.ink180ministry.com/the-ink-180-story.html

TATTOOS


8

Class content: - Discrimination: introduction with the universal language of music; common basis for discrimination: 1. philosophy of superior and inferior races, racial discrimination in history with Hitler and Rwanda; 2. skin color; 3. main ethnic group vs. minorities: Japan & minorities, US & minorities with Freedom Writers Diary. - Discrimination & ethnocentrism.

War/No More Trouble - Bob Marley revisited by Playing for Change “As a human race we come together for birth, we come together for death. What bring us together in between is up to us. Stop and listen to the universal language of music and bring that positive energy with you everywhere you go.” Mark Johnson (co-founder of the Playing for Change documentaries) For 4 years, a small film crew traveled the world with recording equipment and cameras in search of musicians. They worked with over 100 of them on 5 continents: they connected the world through music. Many of the musicians have never met in person, but the songs demonstrate a profound human connection and willingness to unite. Through music we can understand our differences and create a better world. [adapted from the CD jacket of Playing for Change, Songs Around the World] http://www.playingforchange.com/ Lyrics Until the philosophy which holds one ________________ Superior and another ________________ Is finally and permanently Discredited and abandoned Everywhere is ________________, say war Congo sees war Children are dying Until there are no longer ________________ class Second class citizens of any ____________ Until the ________________ of man's skin Is of no more significance than the color of his ________________ Everywhere is war, War,everywhere is war Killing the brother, war

Destroying the country, war For nothing, war For nothing, war They don’t take care of another brother We don't need no more war Some winning, some losing Some dying, some crying Some singing We don't need no more trouble(repeat) What we need is love to guide and protect us on If you help me down from above Help from where we get from You got to stop the war We don't need no more trouble(x2)

Discrimination Where does it come from? It partly comes from “the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior”. History is full of atrocious examples of discrimination: - Hitler: Aryans (tall, blond, blue eyes) vs. Jews and minorities (gypsies, homosexuals, …) - Rwandan Genocide (1994): the majority Hutu killed an estimate of 800,000 people from the minority Tutsi. Superior? Inferior? Why? ☞ Main ethnic group vs. minorities: “first class, second class citizens” ☞ Skin color: “until the color of man’s skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes”


9

Japan & Minorities It might be hard for Japanese to understand the extent of the tensions that may exist between a main ethnic group and minorities, as well as between minority groups. In 2017, only 1.58% of the population in Japan was not Japanese5. US & Minorities Freedom Writers: true story about high school students in Long Beach, California, a couple of years after the LA riots in 1992. The tension between students of different minority groups is unbelievable. Lessons from the Line Game - See beyond physical differences. - Get to know people before you judge them (even better: don’t judge them at all!). - Find a common interest or characteristic to connect and communicate positively. Discrimination & Ethnocentrism Discrimination comes also in part from ethnocentrism. We tend to see people that are different from us as the Scary Others. Why? Because of cultural filters which make us believe that how we see things is NORMAL, so that if someone sees things differently, it’s NOT normal, if not scary. To avoid ethnocentrism & discrimination Ask yourself: - How does the Other see the world? - Is the Other really that different? - Don’t I have something in common with the Other? - Shouldn’t I try to get to know the Other before passing judgment?

5 http://www.stat.go.jp/english/data/jinsui/tsuki/index.htm: 2017 = 2,000,000 non-Japanese for a total population of 126,678,000


10

Class content: - From ethnocentrism to egocentrism: personal meanings of tattoos; etymology. - Duck activity: “all different, all just right” Kaneko Misuzu. - General definition of collectivism.

One World - Jehro http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgA0KoO_v80 All nations like all wars, they will come down All frontiers and all races, got to come as one Can you feel the winds awaken? And our people’s conscience shaken? Step by step, the change is coming on All powers and all leaders, they will come down All churches and all faiths, got to come as one Each and every single person Deep inside his given nature Has a drop of all Creation, now CHORUS One world One humanity One world One humanity All conflicts and all fears, they’ll be put down All systems of greed, they’ll be put down

The next up for civilization Will come in good with set foundations And found a place in life’s Creation, now CHORUS If you want to make it good for the people Life, life, life is just so beautiful Life, life, life precious and beautiful Nothing else should divide us But the days, the nights, the seasons and the seas One world Can we pull the fire strong? Can we find a place in life’s creation? What are we waiting for? Searching for the core? Find a place in life’s creation If we want to make it good for the people.

Egocentrism

You see tattoos in your own way because your experience as an individual makes you a

unique person. This experience is another filter that overrides the cultural one, or adds another layer

to how you see the world. In other words, different experiences bring about different perspectives,

views on life. For example, if I ask you to think about what pose/position is most representative (代表

的な) of yoga, what would you say?

In March 2018, I attended the 2018 Ashtanga Yoga Confluence in San Diego, California. I was

asked this question. My first image of a representative yoga pose was “tree”, but many other people

said “lotus”. I wondered why we had such different ideas, and realized that before starting yoga, I had

been meditating for 8 years so that the lotus position is a meditation position for me. Yoga people have

experience in yoga, and their perspective on the lotus position is thus the yoga perspective: different

experiences bring about different perspectives, as you’ve experienced with the Lego duck. We all have

our own idea of a duck: nobody is right or wrong, it’s just the way we see it.

The duck experiment also shows us how unique we all are. Differences are wonderful because

that’s what makes Life such an exciting experience: you get to meet people who think differently than

yourself, broadening your horizon. This is true in the business world too. Rocío Lorenzo conducted a

study in 171 companies in 3 countries to see if there is a link between innovation (the money


11

companies make from new products and/or services) and diversity (gender, nationality, career,

industry, age, education)6. There is, no doubt about it! Having different people working in a company

allows the company to create more products and services: is this why Japan’s innovative power has

been decreasing?

In conclusion, keep in mind that what you see is not the only way to see, understand and

appreciate life: “All different, all just right”.

Kaneko Misuzu (1903-1930): Me, a Songbird, and a Bell Spread my arms though I may I'll never fly up in the sky. Songbirds fly but they can't run Fast on the ground like I do. Shake myself though I may No pretty sound comes out Bells jingle but they don't know Lots of songs like I do Bell, songbird, and me All different, all just right.

If you think that what you see is the only way to see, understand and appreciate life AND you judge someone’s lifestyle according to your ego-filter, you are being egocentric. “Ethnocentrism” and “egocentrism” both have a specific centre shown in “-centric”. In the case of “ethnocentric”, the centre is “ethno”, the nation or country. For “egocentric”, the centre is the ego, that is yourself. In conclusion You see the World through two main filters: your culture and who you are. That’s why it’s so important to understand your culture and yourself to positively communicate with other people.

6 Are diverse companies really more innovative? Rocío Lorenzo, TED@BCG Milan, October 2017. https://www.ted.com/talks/rocio_lorenzo_want_a_more_innovative_company_hire_more_women Article: Lorenzo, Rocío et al. (April 26, 2017). The Mix That Matters. Innovation Through Diversity, The Boston Consulting Group. https://www.bcg.com/publications/2017/people-organization-leadership-talent-innovation-through-diversity-mix-that-matters.aspx. Both accessed March 19, 2018.

私が両手をひろげても

お空はちっとも飛べないが

飛べる小鳥は私のように

地べたを速く走れない

私がからだをゆすっても

きれいな音は出ないけど

あの鳴る鈴は私のように

たくさんな唄は知らないよ

鈴と小鳥とそれから私

みんなちがってみんないい


12

Class content: Collectivist societies: definition, focus, origins of collectivism in Japan, positive & negative aspects of collectivism, collectivism leading to bullying (lunch mate syndrome).

Collectivism In general • People from birth onwards are integrated into strong, cohesive in-groups: extended families, clubs, classes, … • The in-groups have priority over each individual in it.

⇒ The individual has to put the interests of the group before his/her own. • Focus = group Collectivism in Japan • Definition from the Nagano Nishi High School website: http://hisa-net.com/values3.htm • Students compared Japan and Korea and they started by explaining what collectivism is in Japan. It involves a focus on the concepts of: - wa (和), “harmony”. We act like everyone around us to have good relationships.

- amae (甘え), “emotional dependence”. We depend on people around us and follow them.

- enryo (遠慮), “reserve”, “modesty” or “restraint”. We don’t share our opinions. • Some of my students didn’t agree with the high school students. - “Wa”, 和 = harmony and “doui” 同意 = agreement

Proverb from Shiro who served Koshi in China: 君子和して同ぜず “Smart people harmonize but do not agree” (if they think it’s not correct). ☞ It’s possible to find harmony even if we don’t agree. - Not “amae”, 甘え = emotional dependence because it has a negative connotation and it’s peculiar to children. - “Mohou”, 模倣 = imitation: do the same thing as others to feel relieved. Joke: “A Sinking Liner”7 The captain urges the passengers to dive into the sea. He says to: • the American man , “you will be a hero if you do it.” • the British man, “you will be a gentleman.” • the German guy, “this is an order to jump.” • the Italian man, “you will be loved by many women later.” • the French man, “don’t jump!” • the Japanese man, “everyone is jumping!” Origin of collectivism in Japan: Students’ perspective - School system with uniforms: you belong to a big group, you are one of the members. - School events: to compete, you need to cooperate, to have the same goal, to work hard for the class. Lunch mate syndrome

• From a student: “Collectivism leads to bullying: victims are singled out by groups of students for being different or strange, and are repeatedly subjected to emotional and physical abuse”. • Research8 has shown eating alone is considered the most miserable situation for students and young workers at an office since it shows the lack of their social skills and/or their appeal for others. In the worst cases, some people may stop going to school or the office just because they cannot find a lunch mate.

7 http://www.japantimes.co.jp/text/fl20060618x2.html 8 Yoshida, Hiroko and Toyohiro Taguchi (2007). “Lunch Time Student Politics at University”, Kawasaki Journal of Medical Welfare, vol. 13, no. 1, pp. 21-29

http://www.japantimes.co.jp/text/fl20060618x2.html


13

Results: a. Eating alone or with someone? 89.6% have lunch with other students 10.4% eat lunch alone b. Why do they eat lunch with other students? 88.6% enjoy talking with them 20% feel a vague anxiety at eating alone 5.7% (27 people) are afraid of becoming outcasts if they eat alone 3.4% (16 people) have no other choices c. How do they behave at lunchtime? 93.9% don’t leave the table until all have finished eating 51.5% start to eat only when everybody is ready 33.5% (159 people) try to please others by chatting 21.5% (102 people) try to behave the same as other members 18.7% (89 people) have somebody else decide at which table they sit for lunch 4% (19 people) eat the same food as the others Ao, ランチメイトシンドローム

態度で示してた期待すら

気づいたら空気の様に流されてた

独りで飯食べた

案の定時間はゆっくり流れ

それでも僕はずっと座っていただけ

重い腰椅子に張り付いていた

あの広い部屋の居心地は最低で

いつしか僕は太陽すら怖がっていた

ひっそり進む安楽死を

受け入れてしまいそうに眠い頭

こんな恐ろしい世界ここが中心で

机の中に隠してた自分の声がした

「みんな僕を愛して」

「ただ僕を愛して」

夕暮れ小さな終焉の時間

生温い風にさえも無視されてる

たまに嘲笑われる

価値観変動が繰り返され

また一人イケニエが選ばれたら

狭い世界また一つになれるようだ

だけどほんとに悪いのは僕なんですか？

そんなに触れ合っていないと怖いんですか？

どうやって生きていくのかは

自分の頭で考えたいだけ

こんな表情の無い世界ここが底辺で

鞄の中に隠してた自分の声がした

「みんな僕をほっといて」

「ただ僕をほっといて」

この狭い部屋の居心地は最高で

いつしか僕はベッドの海泳いでいた

この涙がなんのため

流れてるのかすらも解らずに

こんな一人の世界僕が住人で

たった一つの呼吸できる場所なんです

どうやって生きていくのかを

教えてくれるのは自分だけ

だから

こんな素晴らしい世界ここも中心で

自分の価値なんてものは自分が知ってるもんで

そんなの聞かなくていいよ

確かめなくていいよ

例え愛想笑いが出来なくたって

僕らはちゃんと繋がって

またどっかで生きていく

じゃ、お疲れっした


14

Class content: - Blood type discussion to emphasize the importance of critical thinking. - Individualism: definition, examples of individualism & collectivism, strong & weak points, finding balance. - Perspectives: Japan compared to the rest of the world (collectivist) and to other Asian countries (individualist); no absolute truth: The Beauty of Grey & The Sunflower.

Blood Types Article adapted from Myth about Japan blood types under attack, The Canadian Press, Mari Yamaguchi, May 6th, 20059 To many Japanese, the key to their personality lies not in their stars but in their blood type. Now one of Japan's favorite pop beliefs is running into accusations of abuse and discrimination, with critics saying it is being used to assign jobs, match couples, even decide which classes schoolchildren should go to. The critics point out that proteins in the blood decide blood type. Proteins do many things: they protect the body from viruses; they make new cells in the body; they help the different parts of the body communicate; they make muscles; but they cannot decide people’s personality. "It's mere superstition," says Tatsuya Sato, associate professor of psychology at Ritsumeikan University. "Linking blood type and personality is not only unscientific, it's wrong." Newspaper polls show only 20 per cent of Japanese say they're convinced that blood type influences personality. But the theory, imported from its Nazi supporters and adopted by Tokyo's militarist government in the 1930s, is wildly popular nonetheless. It is also widespread in South Korea. The theory has been around for decades, but its dark past is little known. The discovery of blood types in 1901 was one of the greatest advances in medical history, but the breakthrough was then perverted by the Nazis to claim the superiority of Germans - mostly types A and O - over Jews, Asians and others with a larger proportion of type B blood. The theory reached Japan in 1927, and the militarist government of the time asked for a study aimed at making better soldiers. The popularity of the idea faded in the 1930s because it was proven to be unscientific. But it became popular again in the 1970s with a book by Masahiko Nomi, an advocate and broadcaster with no medical background. Sakumi Itabashi, a liberal arts professor and author of The Myth of Fortunetelling, doesn't believe in it. He blames the trend on a national passion for efficiency and order: "People want to find a rule in everything, including personality, because that makes things more predictable and they feel more secure." Other articles about blood type and discrimination in Japan: “Japan and blood types: Does it determine personality?” by Ruth Evans, Tokyo, BBC News, 5 November 2012. http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-20170787 “Blood types — do they shape a personality or mere stereotypes? by Natsuko Fukue, The Japan Times, December 31, 2008. http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2008/12/31/national/blood-types-do-they-shape-a-personality-or-mere-stereotypes/#.VRfMPVys2-I

9http://web.archive.org/web/20091228182320/http://aol.mediresource.com/channel_health_news_details.asp?news_id=6661&news_channel_id=11&channel_id=11


15

“Blood becomes a source of discrimination in Japan”, AFP Tokyo, Taipei Times, April 6, 2006 http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/world/archives/2006/04/08/2003301600 Individualism & Collectivism - Individualist societies are societies in which the ties between individuals are loose: everybody is expected to look after him/herself and his/her immediate family. - Independence, initiative and self-responsibility are very important. - In individualistic societies, the focus is on the person. - Balance between collectivism and individualism to benefit from both is my best solution. With collectivism, you’re more likely to be open: you listen to others’ opinions and feelings. It helps to live in harmony and cooperate. With individualism, you’re more independent and can have your own ideas. You’re not afraid to be yourself and can be honest about your opinions and feelings. It helps you be more creative and be yourself in front of others. Perspectives Collectivism and Japan The Dutch cultural psychologist Geert Hofstede10 classified cultural differences under 5 categories, one being individualism (versus collectivism). The most individualistic countries in the world are all English-speaking ones except for the Netherlands: USA: 91 - Australia: 90 - UK: 89 - Canada: 80 - Netherlands: 80 - New Zealand: 79. Here we should use what we’ve learned so far and question the meaning of “individualistic”. For a French, it means “selfish”, but from the perspective of an American student, there seems to be another meaning:

“To be somewhat independent and a creative thinker is seen as being a sign of a hard worker and is thought to strengthen a group/team by increasing the diversity of ideas that are considered. It’s not that people don’t care about the group as a whole, but rather the group is strengthened by having strong individual thoughts and opinions, which may be used and combined into the best idea or course of action possible.”

According to this student, being individualistic is something positive for the group (unlike what I thought) and it shows how hard working you are, unlike what many Japanese may think. This situation shows that our cultural filters are at work all the time, especially in the meaning of concepts. According to Geert Hofstede, Japan scored 46 for individualism11, 0 being the most collectivist and 100 the most individualist. Compared to Western countries, Japan is very collectivist, but in Asia, Japan is actually the most individualistic country: Indonesia: 14 - Korea: 18 - China: 20 - Hong Kong: 25. Depending on the perspective, Japan can be seen as a collective society if we compare it to the rest of the world. But it can also be seen as more of an individualist society if we’re looking at it from Asia! Let’s keep in mind that there’s no absolute truth, no black and white.

10 Culture's Consequences, 1980. 11 http://geert-hofstede.com/japan.html


16

The Beauty of Gray, Live http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMvyD9e1A30 If I told you he was your brother We could reminisce Then you would go about your day If I said you ought to give him some of your water You'd shake your canteen and walk away The perception that divides you from him Is a lie For some reason you never asked why This is not a black and white world You can't afford to believe in your side This is not a black and white world To be alive I say that the colors must swirl And I believe That maybe today We will all get to appreciate The Beauty of Grey If I told you she was your mother

We could analyze the situation and be gone If I said you ought to give her Some of your water Your eyes would light up like the dawn The perception that divides you from her Is a lie For some reason we never asked why This is not a black and white world You can't afford to believe in your side This is not a black and white world To be alive I say the colors must swirl And I believe That maybe today We will all get to appreciate The beauty of gray Look into your eyes No daylight New day now

The Sunflower, Richard Paul Evans, p. 212 “It’s always fascinating to watch the Americans meet the Amaracayre – they are so amused with the tribe’s peculiarities that they fail to see that the Amaracayre are equally amused by theirs. One teenage girl though it odd that the chief had a bone through his nose and didn’t notice that he was just as fascinated by the metal posts in her nose, tongue and ears.” Paul Cook’s Diary


17

Class content: - Perspectives: The Danger of a Single Story, Chimamanda Adichie (TED Talk): knowing different perspectives teaches us about empathy. - Sam Richards, A Radical Experiment in Empathy, TEDx UPenn.

Perspectives Personal example My ex sister-in-law is Mexican-American, from a middle class family. She used to teach in inner city junior high schools in Los Angeles and through her, I developed my perspective on Mexicans: they are catholic, conservative, middle class or poor; when they’re uneducated, they are trouble. In February 2012, I went to Mexico for the first time. There I met university students and professors, that is a lot of educated people. I also met children who belong to Mexican minorities, and I was astonished that in Mexico, there are minorities - I used to think that Mexicans as a whole is the minority in the US. I also discovered that it’s cold in Mexico - my image of Mexico was beach, beach, beach and really hot! Last but not least, I met “returnees”: Mexican children who were born in the US (and thus were American) but had voluntarily returned to Mexico because of the bad economy. In my mind, you only came back to Mexico if US Immigration kicked you out of the country. Thanks to this trip, I saw Mexico from another perspective. My filters changed and I have the other story of Mexico. Chimamanda Adichie, The Danger of a Single Story, TED Talk Questions: 1. How did her single story about western books change? 2. How did her single story about Fide (the house boy) change? 3. How did the single story about "Africans" affect her American roommate’s image of her before she met her? C. Adichie clearly explains how important it is to look for/seek the other story because we often assume things that are not true: that you can write children books about children in England only; that poor people cannot do anything else besides being poor; that “Africans” only listen to tribal music and don’t speak English, … By trying to understand others’ perspectives, we can see past our filters and start to experience empathy. What’s empathy? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Sam Richards, A Radical Experiment in Empathy, TEDx UPenn Note about the talk: Sam Richards is a sociologist at Penn State University. He explains sociology as being the “study of the way in which human beings are shaped by things that they don’t see”. How can we see these invisible forces? S. Richards advocates empathy as a way to “take yourself out of your shoes”, and “put yourself into the shoes of another person” to be able to understand him/her.


18

He takes his American audience on an experiment to help them put themselves into the shoes of Iraqi people and understand their thinking. S. Richards wants them to understand how it feels to not be American in a country exploited by America for oil: he makes his audience imagine that they are exploited by China for their coal. We see the World through two main filters: our culture and who we are. To see past our filters, we should try to understand others’ perspectives because it will help us develop empathy. How can we try to understand someone else’s perspective? Put yourself in his/her shoes. When you repeat the experience several times the world reveals itself as complex, not just seen from your cultural and personal filter. I indeed don’t think that life is complicated, I think it’s complex. As Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote: “While nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer, nothing is more difficult than to understand him.”


19

Mid-Term Student-Led Discussions Your task

1. Review the different concepts/themes that we have studied so far.

2. Choose one concept/theme that you would like to discuss more deeply with your classmates.

3. To prepare for your discussion: a) Research your chosen concept/theme more: you want to bring some new and/or more detailed information to the discussion. Remember to add your sources: where did you find the information (website, book, TV, …)? Who is giving you the information? The goal is to talk more deeply about your topic. Below (“Food for Thought”), you will find additional information that you might want to use or consider. b) Write down the discussion questions (with your own answers) that you will ask to your classmates on week 8. Make sure to clearly explain why you’re asking this question.

Week 2 Ethnocentrism, through the different cultural meanings of tattoos. Week 3 Discrimination: its origin (superior and inferior races, skin color, main ethnic group vs. minorities) and how to overcome it (Line Game). Week 4 Egocentrism, with personal meanings of tattoos and the Lego Duck activity. Week 5 Collectivist societies: definition, focus, origins of collectivism in Japan, positive & negative aspects of collectivism, collectivism leading to bullying (lunch mate syndrome). Week 6 Individualism: definition, examples of individualism & collectivism, strong & weak points, finding balance. Perspectives: Japan compared to the rest of the world (collectivist) and to other Asian countries (individualist); no absolute truth. Week 7 Perspectives: knowing different perspectives teach us about empathy.


20

Food for Thought

“One topic that was discussed and felt very close to me is the subject of tattoos, and how people view them without trying to understand the reason some people have tattoos. I remember talking with the Japanese students about their opinion of tattoos and they were firmly against them. After discussing the topic for some time, they would tell me that the reason they were against them is the Japanese perception of tattoos being related to crime (yakuza). Though I admit that this is probably a valid perception to have, I was surprised that the Japanese students did not know why Japanese people would get tattooed in the ancient times. Tattoos in Japan were originally a way of protecting your body by putting a protective spell on yourself. This may not mean anything, but I just found it surprising that Japanese students did not take the time to question aspects of their society that are considered controversial.”

“I feel like stereotypes and prejudice are very important topics in today’s world. It seems that old stereotypes, based on culture and country of origin, are slowly being overpowered by new stereotypes based on social groups or lifestyle choices, and I think it’s important to talk about these new stereotypes. For examples, there is the stereotype that vegetarians are mostly ‘tree-hugging hippies’ who hate anyone who eats meat; that being Mormon automatically means you’re a polygamist; that gay men are always overly feminine and weak, and that gay women are super manly. It would be interesting to see what kind of stereotypes Japanese people have towards gay people or people from other religions.”

Why Are Some Cultures More Individualistic Than Others?12 by T. M. Luhrmann New York Times, December 3, 2014

Photo credit: Bratislav Milenkovic

Americans and Europeans stand out from the rest of the world for our sense of ourselves as individuals. We like to think of ourselves as unique, autonomous, self- motivated, self-made. As the anthropologist Clifford Geertz13 observed, this is a peculiar idea. People in the rest of the world are more likely to understand themselves as interwoven with other people — as interdependent, not independent. In such social worlds, your goal is to fit in and adjust yourself to others, not to stand out. People imagine themselves as part of a larger whole — threads in a web, not lone horsemen on the frontier. In America, we say that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. In Japan, people say that the nail that stands up gets hammered down. These are broad brush strokes, but the research demonstrating the differences is remarkably robust and it shows that they have far-reaching consequences. The social psychologist Richard E. Nisbett14 and his colleagues found that these different orientations toward independence and interdependence affected cognitive processing. For example, Americans are more likely to ignore the context, and Asians to attend to it. Show an image of a large fish swimming among other fish and seaweed fronds, and the Americans will remember the single central fish first. That’s what sticks in their minds.

12 http://goo.gl/g4lZ65 13 For more information about the late Clifford Gertz, check: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/01/obituaries/01geertz.html 14 Nisbett, R. E. The Geography of Thought: Why We Think the Way We Do (2004). New York: The Free Press.

Ethnocentrism, student’s testimony

Discrimination, student’s testimony

Collectivism & Individualism, research


21

Japanese viewers will begin their recall with the background. They’ll also remember more about the seaweed and other objects in the scene. Another social psychologist, Hazel Rose Markus15, asked people arriving at San Francisco International Airport to fill out a survey and offered them a handful of pens to use, for example four orange and one green; those of European descent more often chose the one pen that stood out, while the Asians chose the one more like the others. Dr. Markus and her colleagues found that these differences could affect health16. Negative affect — feeling bad about yourself — has big, persistent consequences for your body if you are a Westerner. Those effects are less powerful if you are Japanese, possibly because the Japanese are more likely to attribute the feelings to their larger situation and not to blame themselves. There’s some truth to the modernization hypothesis — that as social worlds become wealthier, they also become more individualistic — but it does not explain the persistent interdependent style of Japan, South Korea and Hong Kong. In May [2014], the journal Science published a study17, led by a young University of Virginia psychologist, Thomas Talhelm, that ascribed these different orientations to the social worlds created by wheat farming and rice farming. Rice is a finicky crop. Because rice paddies need standing water, they require complex irrigation systems that have to be built and drained each year. One farmer’s water use affects his neighbor’s yield. A community of rice farmers needs to work together in tightly integrated ways. Not wheat farmers. Wheat needs only rainfall, not irrigation. To plant and harvest it takes half as much work as rice does, and substantially less coordination and cooperation. And historically, Europeans have been wheat farmers and Asians have grown rice. The authors of the study in Science argue that over thousands of years, rice- and wheat-growing societies developed distinctive cultures: “You do not need to farm rice yourself to inherit rice culture.” Their test case was China, where the Yangtze River divides northern wheat growers from southern rice growers. The researchers gave Han Chinese from these different regions a series of tasks. They asked, for example, which two of these three belonged together: a bus, a train and train tracks? More analytical, context-insensitive thinkers (the wheat growers) paired the bus and train, because they belong to the same abstract category. More holistic, context-sensitive thinkers (the rice growers) paired the train and train tracks, because they work together. Asked to draw their social networks, wheat-region subjects drew themselves larger than they drew their friends; subjects from rice-growing regions drew their friends larger than themselves. Asked to describe how they’d behave if a friend caused them to lose money in a business, subjects from the rice region punished their friends less than subjects from the wheat region did. Those in the wheat provinces held more patents; those in the rice provinces had a lower rate of divorce. I write this from Silicon Valley, where there is little rice. The local wisdom is that all you need is a garage, a good idea and energy, and you can found a company that will change the world. The bold visions presented by entrepreneurs are breathtaking in their optimism, but they hold little space for elders, for longstanding institutions, and for the deep roots of community and interconnection. Nor is there much rice within the Tea Party. Senator Ted Cruz, Republican of Texas, declared […] that all a man needed was a horse, a gun and the open land, and he could conquer the world18. Wheat doesn’t grow everywhere. Start-ups won’t solve all our problems. A lone cowboy isn’t much good in the aftermath of a Hurricane Katrina. As we enter a season in which the values of do-it-yourself individualism are likely to dominate our Congress, it is worth remembering that this way of

15 Heejung Kim, Hazel Rose Markus (1999). “Deviance or Uniqueness, Harmony or Conformity? A Cultural Analysis” in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 77, No. 4, pp. 785-800. http://goo.gl/g641ZZ 16 Coe, C. L., Love, G. D., Karasawa, M., Kawakami, N., Kitayama, S., Markus, H. R., Ryff, C. D. (2011). “Detailed record population differences in proinflammatory biology: Japanese have healthier profiles than Americans” in Brain, Behavior, and Immunity, 25(3), pp. 494-502. http://www.midus.wisc.edu/findings/pdfs/862.pdf 17 T. Talhelm et al. (2014). “Large-Scale Psychological Differences Within China Explained by Rice Versus Wheat Agriculture” in Science 9 May 2014, vol. 344, No. 6184, pp. 603-608. For more details: http://www.sciencemag.org/content/344/6184/603 18 “At Texas GOP’s Celebration, next campaign already underway” by Wayne Slater, The Dallas Morning News, November 5, 2014. http://goo.gl/zBQOkw


22

thinking might just be the product of the way our forefathers grew their food and not a fundamental truth about the way that all humans flourish.

“Hobbies are important for us because they improve our social skills, they make us feel accomplished, and they help us become more aware of the world and more interested in what’s happening. Hobbies help us interact with the world and improve our self-esteem through honing our skills. I find it very sad that many people I meet in Japan have very little or no hobbies. They consider shopping, eating, or reading magazines a serious hobby. I met girls whose only hobby is to shop: with no favorite designer or particular interest in fashion… They just like to buy things. Or another girl who told me her hobby was eating. She had no interest in neither cooking nor favorite types of food, but she considered eating a hobby. I find this sad because these are things people do in their everyday life, and in the case of eating they do it to survive. I do not consider these to be hobbies because, as I wrote earlier, a hobby should mean you wish to improve yourself in a particular field. A hobby should be more about your interests and your passions… It helps you grow as a person. To me, it seems that if you don’t have a hobby you have no interest in the world, and that’s not healthy or good for our society. I would suggest searching inside yourself to find out what truly makes you happy. I would suggest following your bliss.”

Perspectives, student’s testimony

Your Discussion Notes


23

Class content: - 6 keys to successful communication – understanding (1) and respecting (2) differences – common ground (3) – smiling (4) – speaking (5) – listening (6). - Common ground; understanding and respecting differences; Weird or Just Different? Derek Sivers (TED Talk). - Smiling: Universal expression of emotions: Paul Ekman’s work & the Facial Action Coding System; physiological changes related to smiles; making others smile; The Hidden Power of Smiling, Ron Gutman (TED Talk).

“In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher” HH Dalai Lama

KEYS TO SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION - Be aware of the role of filters to better understand and respect differences - Common ground - Smiling - Speaking - Listening Common ground When you talk to people from different cultures, the common ground might be very small, so never believe that the person will understand you. Explain yourself clearly. But even with people from the same culture, it’s always important to make sure you are properly understood. For instance, different lifestyles give words or ideas different meaning. For me, “I get up early” means 4:30 am. For my parents, it means 7:00 am. Understanding & respecting differences - Remember that we are all different. - What you think, how you feel is not what everybody thinks and how everybody feels. - Remember your filters and don’t be egocentric: respect what Others think and how they feel. Derek Sivers: Weird or Just Different? TED Talk Through this TED Talk, I hoped to show that what we think is “weird” is really just a different way of looking at a situation, here the way you number houses in the US and Japan. This is a great reminder to respect our differences and realize that when we say “weird”, we actually mean: “I’m okay/right, you are not!” So let’s forget that word, and use “different” instead because we all are different. The Power of Smiling Smile is another key to successful communication. According to R. Gutman19, smiling is powerful: it makes you live longer, have better relationships, look better and more competent, ... But does every culture mean the same thing by “smile”? The way we express emotions is indeed universal, as Daniel Goleman says: “it’s part of the unity of humankind”20. In Destructive Emotions, Paul Ekman talks with the Dalai Lama about the universality of emotions. He explains that he studied a group in New Guinea who lived as people of the Stone Age back in the 1960’s. He actually didn’t have to study them much to realize that he easily recognized their emotions, though he couldn’t speak their language: the ways they expressed their emotions were similar to those he had studied in the US. What makes expressing emotions universal? P. Ekman’s 6-year study revealed that each emotion is mapped in terms of the movements of facial muscles: we don’t choose how we express an emotion, it’s coded in our genes and has been named Facial Coding System.

19 Ron Gutman, The Hidden Power of Smiling. http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/ron_gutman_the_hidden_power_of_smiling.html 20 The Dalai Lama & Daniel Goleman (2003). Destructive Emotions, and how we can overcome them!


24

What’s the lesson? Whether you’re in Japan/the US or abroad, smile! People will understand you: a smile gets a lot more done than a long explanation. Smile and smile. It seems that we are all able to distinguish a simulated smile from a genuine one, and P. Ekman explains that they key is the eyes: a genuine smile engages the muscles around the eyes and makes our whole face look happy. Smile as therapy. It has also been proven that we can smile to make us happy. When we intentionally smile, we begin to have changes in our body that accompany the emotion: we start to feel happy.


25

Class content: - Speaking: speaking to make other people smile; experiments with negative and positive words; the stereotype embodiment theory: the power of words; changing speaking habits.

Praising Others We can also make other people smile with praise and saying “thank you”. If you tell people how great they are, and thank them for all they do for you and others, these positive words will make them happy and smile. Be specific when you praise. It’s better to say: “Last night’s dinner was really good” than “You’re a good cook”. Be genuine as well. Saying things you don’t mean will never sound like a compliment. If there’s really nothing positive to say to a person (really, not even the shirt or bag, ...), then it’s better to say nothing. It isn’t easy to praise: most of us feel shy or embarrassed, but it’s for lack of training I believe. Think about the big smile that will appear on the person’s face after hearing your praise or your thank-you, it might give you courage. For me, making people happy is worth getting over shyness and embarrassment. Besides, the people you praise and say “thank you” to are more likely to praise and thank you: it’s a win-win situation. The Power of Positive Words 21 As Margaret Mead (American cultural anthropologist), kindness is not just a utopian aspiration:

“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.”

I truly believe that by carefully choosing our words, we can make a difference because words are indeed powerful, as the famous saying beautifully says it: “The pen is mightier than the sword”. Research has been conducted on the power of words. One of the studies is called the Stereotype Embodiment Theory. It was conducted by Becca Levy and her colleagues at Yale University in 199622. They used a method based on the study of the effects of stereotypes about race and gender: you flash provocative words too quickly for people to be aware they read them, but the brain has subconsciously seen them. For her study, Dr. Levy first tested the memories of 90 healthy older people. Then she flashed positive words about aging like “guidance,” “wise,” “alert,” “sage” and “learned” and tested them again. Their memories were better and they even walked faster. Next, she flashed negative words like “dementia,” “decline,” “senile,” “confused” and “decrepit.” This time, her subjects’ memories were worse, and their walking paces slowed. This experiment clearly proves the power of words and as the Buddha said:

“Words have the power to destroy or heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.”

Choosing words23 Considering the power of words, choosing them carefully seems a reasonable decision because words don’t choose us, we choose them! Very often, it seems that we just sleepwalk through the maze of possibilities, that we don’t make conscious choices in the words we use. To change this bad habit, let’s start with greetings: they are a great opportunity to be more creative, to have fun and to make ourselves and other people feel good. In his book, H. Urban shares a great example: S: How are you? H: Well, I was good. But now that you’re here I’m even better.

21 Hal Urban (2004). Positive Words, Powerful Results. Fireside, NY. 22 Levy, B. (1996). “Improving memory in old age by implicit self-stereotyping”. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 1092-1107. http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/05/health/05age.html?pagewanted=all 23 Hal Urban (2004). Ibidem.


26

If you need to change negative speaking habits, H. Urban makes the following recommendations: 1. If you have more than one negative habit, choose up to 3 that you would most like to stop. - Write the habit(s) on the index card. - Carry the card with you for a whole week. - Each time, you are able to avoid saying the negative habit, put a “+” next to it; each time you say it, put a “-“ next to it. - It should help you be more aware of your habit, and hopefully help you get rid of it. 2. If it’s a word you’d like to stop using, find a positive of funny replacement for it. For example, my best friend has a hard time with “s***”. He could replace it with “splendid” or “superb”. These words are positive and not offensive: they might help him feel better about the situation, and at least they won’t make me feel bad! In conclusion, remember that language is the only thing that humans have and it is powerful. As Stuart Chase said:

“Words are what hold society together; without them we should not be human beings.”


27

Class content: - “How do you want to be remembered?” video: power of kindness (Jen ratio & positive human interactions). - Speaking: negative influence of media or people; possible solutions; overcoming shyness; being a good finder.

KINDNESS Amy Krouse Rosenthal’s video: “How do you want to be remembered?”24 According to A. Krouse Rosenthal, if people remember you as having been kind, you have lived a good life. The great thing about kindness is that you don’t have to be a hero, just kind, and by doing simple things for others (example: help an older lady fold a large blanket at a thrift store), you are kind. Society depends on kindness, and A. Krouse Rosenthal compares it to economics, using the book Born to be Good. The Science of a Meaningful Life, by Dacher Keltner (2009): the concept of Jen (introduced by Confucius) is a mixture of: kindness + humanity + respect. Nowadays, we can create a chart that shows the amount of positive and negative human interactions, the Jen ratio. A high Jen ratio (a lot of positive human interactions) is necessary for: a meaningful life, goodwill in schools and communities, a thriving society. Luckily, according to D. Keltner, kindness is natural: we’re born with it. We just need to be aware of people around us - turn your smartphone off! “We are [after all] man-kind”. SPEAKING Think positive We can choose positive words and have a powerful effect on people’s happiness. But you might not be able to find anything good or positive to say. It might be because you are exposed to several sources of negative input. H. Urban mentions TV and radio, reading material (paper or online), and negative people as negative inputs with a negative influence on our positive thinking. I believe that we can get away from negative influence, if we want to. For instance, I don’t read the regular newspaper or watch the news anymore: it’s too depressing! Instead I’ve subscribed to the Daily Good to have some good news every day. As A. Krouse Rosenthal shared in the video: I need more Mozart, and less CNN! Starting the day with something good, something uplifting is indeed a recommendation H. Urban makes25 and I agree with him. He reads people he calls human potential specialists: Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, Rollo May, Ceo Buscaglia. I personally love Carl Rogers: he’s the father of humanistic psychology and has written about education in Freedom to Learn, an amazing book for future teachers. My own way of finding happiness and balance everyday is meditation. It’s something I can’t really talk about, as I believe it’s a very personal experience. My meditation guru explained me a couple of things that I should do and then she left me alone to experience it for myself. Basic steps to meditate: - First, find a comfortable sitting position: only requirement, don’t lean your head against anything. - Start breathing deeply: think about each breathe in, and each breathe out. - Then you can close your eyes or look at something in front of you. - Keep on breathing, and pay attention to your breathing. - If you start thinking about something (class, homework, part-time job, boyfriend, girlfriend, ...), try to focus more on your breathing: in and out. Don’t be shy

24 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_OZUaQondo 25 Hal Urban (2004). Positive Words, Powerful Results. Fireside, NY.


28

We often wait too long to tell people how much we appreciate them. The question is why are we waiting? It might be embarrassing to say nice things to other people, but I’d rather blush a little than wait until it’s too late. “A single kind word is of greater value to the living than a whole bunch of kind words at a memorial service.” I like this motto: “Talk to your friends and family members as if it’s the last time you ever will”. International student’s testimony (verbatim), 2014 “I have always thought that expressing my emotions like that [telling people how we feel about them] would be very difficult for me. I have never been very expressive with my feelings and so I thought that I would try to tell people how I really feel about them it would just seem strange and out of place. After the lecture, however I realized that although I assume that my friends and family know how I feel about them, it would be better to tell them. If I go through life taking people for granted and not saying how much they mean to me, I might end up regretting it. That is why I and [student’s name] decided to play a game of ‘What I like about you’ a few days after class. It was basically just telling our best friends what we like about them and how much they mean to us. It got very emotional in the end but it was a wonderful idea and now I will hopefully be more open about sharing my feelings and telling people how much they mean to me.” Be a good finder Look for the good in other people and in every situation and comment on it. I believe we all feel good saying something positive to people, and likewise feel good when hearing something positive about ourselves. This is called a win-win situation because everybody wins. Besides it’s possible to look for the good and comment on it everyday because on different days, we appreciate different qualities about our friends and family members. Last but not least, looking for the good makes it easier to find positive words: it’s a virtuous circle.


29

Class content: - Review of week 10 & 11 and introduction of kotodame (言霊). - Speaking & laughter: therapeutic and social benefits of laughter; Patch Adams’ story. - Keys to being a good communicator: find out more about the person you’re talking to; give encouragement; inspire others.

SPEAKING Week 10 & 11 Review Words are powerful: they can make you happy or sad. We choose our words, they don’t choose us. Staying away from negativity and looking for positive things help finding positive words. No need to by shy when it comes to saying good things. Student’s contribution (2012): 言霊 (koto = word; dame = spirit) to express, in Japanese, how positive words bring about positive things. Dictionary definition: the spirit which is present in words! Laughter The therapeutic benefits of laughter: It activates and strengthens the immune system. It reduces at least four hormones associated with stress. It’s a workout for the diaphragm and increases the body’s ability to use oxygen. It relaxes muscles. It can significantly reduce pain for long periods. It lowers blood pressure and can prevent hypertension. A doctor, Patch Adams26, understood this and refused to train his humanity out of himself to make it into something better! Modern medicine tends to make me angry: “train humanity out of you and make it into something better”. I honestly don’t know what is better than humanity! I completely agree with Patch Adams’ position: treat the patient as well as the disease because when you treat the patient, you win no matter what the outcome is. When you treat the disease, you may win or lose: “Laughter truly is the best medicine”. I strongly believe that what we are studying together can be applied to your future job, especially if it involves working with/for people. For that purpose, I have three pieces of advice: never forget your humanity; talk to people as persons; make them laugh! As Victor Borge said:

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” Be a good communicator 1. To be a good communicator, find out more about the person you’re talking to: encourage him/her to talk about himself/herself, and express interest in who he/she is. Your goal is to make people feel good. - Anecdote: Princess Marie Louise, Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone. Princess Marie Louise, Queen Victoria’s granddaughter, met several famous and powerful people in England during the 1800s. Two of them were Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone, who both served as prime minister. After being taken to dinner one evening by Gladstone and the following evening by Disraeli, she was asked what impressions these two distinguished statesmen had made one her. She said, “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.” - We’re too often waiting for the other person to ask us those same questions. Be the change, start the exchange!

26 Movie trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZqGA1ldvYE


30

2. To be a good communicator, give encouragement and inspire others. I have selected two stories from The Right Words at the Right Time, Volume 227 to explain these two skills. Giving encouragement: “Everyone is Shy” by Julie Knapp, Editor, pp. 82-84. At the age of 9, Julie had just moved to a new town, and on her first day of school, she was really scared to go to her new school. She told her mother while she was getting ready for school. Her mother told her: “Everyone is shy”. Julie didn’t believe her because her mother wasn’t shy. But she told Julie that she was, and that she only hid her shyness. She also told Julie that the best way to hide her shyness on her first day at school was to look for another girl who is standing alone. When she finds one, she should walk up to her and be friendly, asking questions. This is exactly what Julie did and it helped her fight her shyness and enjoy her new school. She still uses this technique when she goes to parties and cocktails nowadays, and it works beautifully. Inspiring others: “Bitter or Better” by Judith Grace, Church Secretary, pp. 141-143 Judith lost her baby boy when he was only 6 days old. She was very angry and sad until an old friend called her and said: “Whenever something hurts us in life, we have a choice to make: We can become bitter or better. It’s really up to us.” In these words, Judith found a way to heal by focusing on what needed to be done to feel better, rather than focusing on her loss, sadness and anger. From then on, each time something terrible happened to Judith, she chose the type of person she wanted to be, and each time she chose to be better rather than bitter. For her, these words were a gift that she also gives to others now.

27 Marlo Thomas and new friends, 2006


31

Class content: Listening: facts; why we don’t listen to people; how to listen to people; what to listen to.

LISTENING Facts about listening - Estimates vary, but according to listening researchers28, most people spend 70% of their waking day engaged in some form of communication. - Of that time, most people write (9%), read (16%), speak (30%), and listen (45%)29. This means if you are awake for 16 hours, you are communicating in some way during 11 of those hours, and you spend between 6 and 7 hours listening. We listen more than we do any other human activity, except breathe. - Yet listening is the skill that is taught last30:

- Is that why we are so bad at listening? Even at the purely informational level, researchers claim that 75% of oral communication is ignored, misunderstood, or quickly forgotten31. Why we don’t hear people 1. We try to be interesting32 Some people believe that to communicate, they should talk constantly, they should show off what they know or how intelligent they are. It’s quite the opposite: “The best way to establish rapport with people […] is to be truly interested in them” that is listen to them talk. 2. We are sure of what the person is going to say33 We are so sure in advance of what the person is about to say that we don’t listen. We have already decided what he/she is saying. 3. We twist what the person says34 We twist the message to make it say what we want the person to say, and then we only hear that. We make it appear that he/she is not only saying the thing we want to hear, but that he/she is the person we want him/her to be. It is very frustrating to be received for what you are not, to be heard as saying something which you have not said. How to hear/listen to people

1. Be interested35 Work to develop an attitude of curiosity. What do other people feel, think? How do they see the world? It will help us see beyond our own filters. What are their hopes, dreams, fears? In the movie Patch Adams, Patch’s roommate needs help but they give him a tranquilizer: they don’t listen to him. Patch needs his psychiatrist to listen to him, but he’s taking care of other things at the

28 Osborn M. & Osborn S (1994). Public Speaking, 3rd edition. Boston: Houghton Mifflin. 29 Burton J. & Burton L. (1997). Interpersonal skills for travel and tourism, Essex: Addison Wesley Longman Ltd. 30 Nixon J.C. & West J.F. (1989). “Listening: The new competency”. The Balance Sheet, 70, p. 21-22. 31 Bolton, R. (1986). People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to the others. And resolve conflicts. Prentice-Hall, Inc. 32 Jack Canfield (2005). The Success Principles, NY: HarperCollins Publishers, p. 327. 33 Carl Rogers (1980). A Way of Being, NY: Mariner Books, p. 13. 34 C. Rogers, ibidem. 35 J. Canfield, ibidem.

Communication Skill Learned Used Taught Listening 1st 1st 4th Speaking 2nd 2nd 3rd Reading 3rd 3rd 2nd Writing 4th 4th 1st


32

same time: he doesn’t listen to Patch. In the psychiatric hospital, the staff doesn’t listen to patients because they most likely don’t care. When Patch listens to his roommate, even if the reason he’s scared is crazy, he finds a way to help him. That’s also how Patch finds his vocation! Sometimes, taking time to listen to something that you don’t care about or a bit crazy, can lead to great discoveries. As far as I’m concerned, I find it to be an interesting challenge to stay engaged in a conversation I don’t find important or interesting. I stay engaged by asking questions to understand why the conversation/topic is important or interesting for the other(s). It’s a way to turn boring conversations into interesting one, and also a way to be empathic. Besides, like Patch, you might discover things about yourself too. Staying engaged, international student’s testimony (verbatim), 2014

“ […] I meet a lot of new Japanese people and very often I find that my conversation with them turn very awkward, very easily. I just don’t know what to talk about because I feel like their hobbies and interests are so different from my own. Next time, when they say they like One Direction or shopping, I should just continue asking questions instead of letting the conversation die. I personally don’t really like One Direction but I can ask Japanese girls why they like it, if they can sing some of their songs, if they know/understand the lyrics, who their favorite is, etc. Instead of letting the conversation end because I don’t have the same interests, I should continue asking questions and try to find common ground.”

2. Accept the person for who he/she is How can you accept someone for who he/she is? Listen, be silent:

“It is as though he listened and such listening as his enfolds us in a silence in which at least we begin to hear what we are meant to be.” Lao-tse

When someone really listens to us, we can be who we are. 3. Suspend judgment We might not agree with someone’s opinion or way of thinking, but as long as it doesn’t hurt us or someone else, we all have the right to an opinion. That is: if you tell me that Jews are responsible for all our problems (what the Nazi said during WWII), I might slap you. If you tell me that meditation is not useful, I will listen to you and try to understand why you think this way. I start judging when people’s opinions threaten others’ dignity and/or life. What you should “listen” to 1. The words: positive vs. negative? Both? 2. The personal meaning of words Example: I met someone who seemed to understand me because we shared some similar experiences. We talked about spirituality, sharing and caring. When we got to spend more time together, I realized that he understood these words in a way very different from mine. 3. Voice tones Example: C. Rogers was on the phone, with a friend. When he hung up, the tone of his friend’s voice struck him as having had a note of distress, discouragement, even despair. He wrote to him to tell him his impression and also share some of his feelings about him and his situation. He was right, his friend was having a hard time and he told Rogers how happy he was that someone had heard him. “So often, […] the words convey one message and the tone of voice a sharply different one.”36 4. Body language Some signs are very cultural, others are universal as we saw with the expression of happiness, anger, fear, disgust, … Besides, I believe we have very often a gut feeling when we talk to someone. With some training through real listening, we can understand that feeling better and better and rely more on it.

36 C. Rogers, ibidem, p. 10.


33

Class content: Listening: skills; benefits of true listening; why we can’t listen to people; how we can listen: Five Ways to Listen Better, Julian Treasure (TED Talk).

LISTENING To truly listen to people: be interested (part 2) Ask questions to show that you are interested37: 1. We meet again in 3 years, you’re happy. What has happened to you during these 3 years to make you happy? Learning about people’s hopes and dreams is a great way to show you’re interested! 2. What strengths/good points will you have to use to make your dreams come true? Show they can do it! 3. What skills and resources will you need to develop to make your dreams come true? Encourage them to fight! Asking questions 2 & 3 should motivate the person you’re talking with to achieve his/her goal by discussing how they’re going to do it. It’s a process of clarification for and from the person: no need to offer solutions. By just listening to the person, you’re helping him/her understand his/her goals better. Doing this, you accept the person for who he/she is. These are the keys to hear people! Benefits of true listening 1. The person we really listen to feels great. C. Rogers compares the person who has been heard to a prisoner in a dungeon who has been tapping out, day after day, a Morse code message: “Does anybody hear me? Is anybody there?” and finally hears the answer “yes”. When the person is heard, he/she is grateful and feels released from loneliness38. 2. It becomes easier to communicate because the person wants to share more about his/her world. 3. We are really in touch with the person and this is how we learn to better understand people, personalities, and interpersonal relationships. With true listening, we become better communicators. Why we cannot listen to people39 – Influence of the environment on our listening abilities 1. Noisy world According to the European Union, noise reduces the quality of life and health of 20% of the population of Europe, that is 80 million people suffer from noise level that scientists and health experts consider unacceptable40. A common solution is the use of headphones. But there’s a problem known as “schizophonia”: you hear something different from what you see. You’re not in touch with the world around you. Another problem is Noise Induced Hearing Disorder (NIHD): 16% of teenagers suffer from it in the US because of headphones41.

37 J. Canfield, (2005). The Success Principles, NY: HarperCollins Publishers. 38 C. Rogers, ibidem, p. 8. 39 http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_shh_sound_health_in_8_steps.html 40 http://ec.europa.eu/environment/noise/greenpap.htm#situ 41 J. Shargorodsky et al. (2010). “Change in Prevalence of Hearing Loss in US Adolescents”, JAMA 304 (7), pp. 772-778. http://jama.jamanetwork.com/article.aspx?articleid=186427


34

2. Modern communication

Texting has become an extremely popular way to communication, yet it doesn’t involve much listening. We’re less and less used to talk and listen face to face. On this topic, I highly recommend the TED Talk by Sherry Turkle called Connected, but alone? 3. Influence of media They tend to scream at us. It gets harder to pay attention to the quiet. How we can listen42 1. Silence: 3 minutes per day. To learn to appreciate it again. Meditation can give us that silence. 2. Mixer In a noisy environment, try to focus on the one thing you can/want to hear. When you try controlling the noise pollution, it becomes less difficult to deal with it. 3. Savoring Enjoy everyday sounds, the ones you don’t like (ex: ping pong on platforms) and the ones you like (ex: wind). 4. RASA Receive: pay attention to what people say. Appreciate: show you’re listening without interrupting. Summarize: “so” = important word in communication. Ask: ask questions afterwards. Conclusion “Listen consciously in order to live fully”. When we listen consciously, we are: - Connected in space and time to the world around us. - Connected in understanding to each other. - Connected to our spirituality.

42 http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better.html

studentlearningpotentials.weebly.com/uploads/6/0/7/3/60735231/...- ethnocentrism through the...

Documents