ssstttaaarrrssskkkyyy &&& hhhuuutttccchhh ...€¦ · ssstttaaarrrssskkkyyy...

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Personal Shopper Starsky Gives Hutch… Hutch Gives Starsky…

Shopper #1

An Oxfam goat to aid an African family by providing milk, breeding baby goats, and eventually become meat for the family. This

helps break the poverty cycle by bringing food and an income to the family in the village. This should meet Hutch's requirements of

denigrating euphoric sentimentalism. The family and village will be euphoric, but Hutch

will never know.

Chocolate body paint. It's self-explanatory, right?

I mean, if you need me to draw pictures, you're in the wrong fandom.

Shopper

#2 I used to live in Idaho, and while there,

studied black and grizzly bear genetics. Therefore, this is a cause after my own heart.

So, I would offer Starsky my unique map of Glacier National Park in Montana that shows the population density of both species of bear

throughout the entire region. Hutch would LOVE it!!! Oh, and that should keep Hutch

quiet for a long time...he will be studying it too hard to talk.

A trip to Duluth, of course. Okay, so Hutch is a

little selfish, but actually, he plans to bring Starsky for the best pizza in the entire country--

Sammy's Pizza. Those Minnesotans really know how to make a pizza, and Starsky will be in heaven when he bites into one of those square

pieces of delight! Hutch could put a Sammy's gift certificate in a Caboose sized box so Starsky

would never expect it!

2


Shopper #2 Part 2

A Bee String Extractor (Frankly, he's a little jealous at how intimate those bees get with Hutch)

A Snakebite Kit for their next trip to Pine Lake (Yeah, he knows those really aren't appropriate to use, but if it will ease Starsky's mind...)

Shopper #3

Hutch gets a deluxe hydroponic farm kit complete with a dozen containers, tubing,

valves, water pump, filter, a bottle of nutrients, HydroClay pebbles, and various

starter plants. Since this is a gift from Starsky, all of the containers are red and the tubing is white, but after the plants grow they’ll cover

most of it anyway.

Starsky gets a weekend trip up the coast as a guest engineer on a freight train courtesy of a

favor from one of Hutch’s fraternity brothers, whose family owns the train line. He will ride in

the engine car up the coast on Saturday, learning all about how real trains work, then on the return trip Sunday, he will be allowed to

actually ‘drive’ the train (on flat ground and lower speeds, of course). He even gets his own engineers cap to keep as a souvenir.

3


Shopper #3 Part 2

A beautiful, hand-carved cherry wood guitar stand with a matching music stand. It's not something he could normally afford, but for

once, Huggy really did have a cousin who knew a guy who knew a guy....

Tired of hanging around on Sunday mornings while Starsky meticulously cleans and polishes the Torino, Hutch purchased a year's worth of

professional detailing services from a new business in town that is calling itself a 'Car Spa'. It's not something he could normally afford, but

for once, Huggy really did have a cousin who knew a guy who knew a guy....

Shopper #4

MP3 Player fully loaded with: The Way You Look Tonight by Tony Bennett Can You Feel The Love Tonight by Elton John

At Last by Etta James Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye

I Want To Know What Love Is by Foreigner Everything I Do (I Do It For You) by Bryan

Adams My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion

Hopelessly Devoted by Olivia Newton John Can't Smile Without You by Barry Manilow I Just Called To Say I Love You by Stevie

Wonder I Got You Babe by Sonny & Cher

Thank You b Dido Wild Thing by The Troggs

She's Got A Way by Billy Joel Three Times A Lady by The Commodores Love To Love You by Baby Donna Summer Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith

Total Eclipse Of The Heart by Bonnie Tyler How Deep Is Your Love by The Bee Gees

I'll Follow The Sun by The Beatles Happy Together by The Turtles

MP3 Player fully loaded with: Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton

Love Me Tender by Elvis Presley It's Only Love by The Beatles

I'll Be There by Jackson 5

I Got You Babe by Sonny & Cher Faithfully by Journey

I Want You To Want Me by Cheap Trick

Maybe I'm Amazed by Paul McCartney I Will Always Love You by Dolly Parton

Your Song by Elton John Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper

This Boy by The Beatles First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack

Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers

4


Shopper #4 Part 2

They both gave me discretion to purchase suit ties for the other. For the purpose of updating their wardrobes and... Other Things That

They Wouldn't Get Into with me. But Starsky was wiggling his eyebrows and leering, and Hutch was about the color of the Torino, so

I'm pretty sure I know what their plans are.

They both gave me discretion to purchase suit ties for the other. For the purpose of updating their wardrobes and... Other Things That They

Wouldn't Get Into with me. But Starsky was wiggling his eyebrows and leering; and Hutch was about the color of the Torino, so I'm pretty

sure I know what their plans are.

Shopper #5

Orchid Bonanza. Starsky takes Hutch to an orchid show: hundreds of orchids and plant discussions in a huge convention hall and

buys him whichever one strikes his fancy. He also fills out a form to win a trip to Hawaii to see orchids in bloom--and they win!

Race Car Driving. Hutch gives Starsky a training session with Mario Andretti: two hours on the racetrack driving around in a real Indy 500

winning car.

Shopper #5 Part 2

Merry Cats-mas. Because they are retiring from the force, Starsky goes to the humane society to get Hutch a cat, black and sleek.

She turns out to be pregnant. Her name is Merry and the kittens are born under the

Christmas tree: Santa, Tinsel, Holly and the runt, Elf.

Merry Cats-mas. Miowy Mistletoe. Because they are retiring the force, Hutch goes to the humane society (on a different day) to get Starsky a cat.

Mistletoe's a big fluffy pale brown and cream Maine Coon, loveable and strong.

5


Shopper #5 Part 3

Starsky rented a cabin at Lake Arrowhead. Unfortunately--or not, he and Hutch arrived just as a blizzard blew in. They never made it

to the lodge for a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, but they had a wonderful holiday in front of the fire with popcorn, the sausage

they both had packed in and a bowl full of jelly.

Don we now our Gay apparel: Hutch brought Starsky black silk boxers, and then modeled them for him. They slide off very easily with a

single tug.

Shopper

#5 Part 4

Reining in the Christmas season--with the

promise of extra pay for working on a holiday, Starsky tucks some special things in the

Torino for the night shift. He parks just at midnight and hands Hutch a gold cock ring, black leather wrist cuffs with jingle bells on

the D rings and a golden collar--and promises to wear them the next night. Hutch is happy.

Topping the tree--Hutch finds extremely creative

uses for a gold star, the leftover tinsel and a really long piece of red ribbon. Starsky gets all

tied up in Hutch's crafty endeavors.

Shopper

#5 Part 5

Hutch does love his cowboy hats, so Starsky

buys him an authentic ten gallon Stetson hat, and adds in leather chaps and a vest. Because Starsky loves cowboys.

Are you just Happy to See Me?--Starsky's been

hankering to go to the Renaissance faire for years. Hutch buys him an authentic black velvet doublet, hose and a short golden cape. The

outfit isn't complete without a long, sharp sword, and a leather codpiece. Hutch can't wait to see

Starsky try the ensemble on.

6


Shopper #5 Part 6

Growth: In 1977, Starsky takes Hutch to the park where the tree that Hutch gave him was planted and gives him a kiss and a promise to

love and stay with him forever. He buys a bench to put under the tree in Hutch's name.

Nurturing: In 1977, Hutch brings the ant farm that Starsky gave him to the park and releases the ants around Starsky's tree, and kisses

Starsky, promising to love and stay with him forever. He buys a second tree in Starsky's name to help shade the bench.

Shopper #6

Starsky has decided to give Hutch a cashmere

sweater in a deep slate blue to set off Hutch's eyes. He has a personal reason for doing this. He loves touching Hutch and the idea of

running his hands over soft and silky cashmere makes him giddy with delight. So they both win: Hutch looks gorgeous and

Starsky gets to enjoy it with his eyes and his hands. He knows Hutch likes nice things also.

Hutch has decided to give Starsky a gift

certificate to Merle's for a year's worth of oil changes for the Torino. Hutch know how much Starsky likes that ostentatious heap of metal and

plastic and rubber, but since he loves Starsky (and he doesn't want the Torino breaking down in the middle of a chase), he's decided to help

Starsky keep it in good shape. He is a practical gift giver. But he did buy Starsky a Whitman's

Sampler to hide the gift certificate in. :)

Shopper #7

A cow! Seriously, a charity gift where Starsky pays for a cow to be given to a poor third-

world family along with training and support for them to manage it, and it's in Hutch's name so that Hutch gets a card and

information pack telling him all about it, plus Starsky will buy him a little toy cow that

poops chocolate.

An assemble-it-yourself model of one of Theo Jansen's Strandbeests, with a video showing

them on the beaches of Holland. Hutch found it on Ebay after seeing the fullsized beests on Youtube here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSKyHmjyrkA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSKyHmjyrkA

7


Shopper #8

After years of suffering from Hutch’s weird ideas of healthy eating, Starsky has finally cracked. He bought all the items he would

need to make a beautiful handcrafted, stained-glass bean sprouter. The look on Hutch’s face when he opened the package

was even better than the year Starsky gave him an ant farm.

The Torino is no more; the striped tomato is ketchup and Starsky is inconsolable. Hutch hits on the perfect gift. He checks that Starsky’s

passport is up to date, books the plane and the hotel, and with the help of Officer Pozzi’s cousin who works there, he arranges for Starsky to

drive a Ferrari Testarossa on the mythical rooftop track at the factory in Turin. “That’s

right, Starsk, I’m taking you to Torino!”

Shopper #8

Part 2

Starsky gave Hutch a bag of artificial snow to

remind him of Minnesota in winter. When he dug deep in the flakes he found a yellow shamballa bracelet with the explanation

attached to it. He was touched to see that after all these years his friend had learned more about spiritual healing than he had. He

almost felt guilty that his gift to Starsky seemed so frivolous.

Hutch has finally learned to use E-Bay. He found

a piece of nostalgia so strong he couldn't resist giving it to Starsky. A 'snowstorm' with a miniature Torino parked outside the 9th Precinct

waiting for its driver to come running down the stairs.

8


Shopper #9

The boys are current age… So Starsky has decided his big ole Hutch Bear needs a big fluffy robe for lounging around

after showers and activities and well, you know. Being Starsky, he knows exactly what Hutch would love, and so I go right to the

Sacramento Classic Ford Store and pick up the XXL Red Fleece robe complete with '74

Ford Torino Stripe. After all, Starsky is going to be the one looking at it.

The boys are current age… Hutch is more traditional when it comes to Starsky. They've been together for 40 years

now, and he has decided on the best watch their pension money can buy, complete with "Partners" engraved on the back. (Me and Thee

is a little overdone to my taste...but I could be wrong) No, changed my mind... finally cracks

open his father's inheritance fund to buy that watch, and does get "Me and Thee" engraved, since I'm the one doing it.

And since they've been so far undercover, they

end up sleeping right through Christmas and don't open the presents until the next day. And continue to live somewhat happily ever after.

And Starsky gets new glasses, because PMG's old man ones drive me batty.

Shopper

#10 Dinner with S, H, and H's grandparents at the

farm.

Dinner with S, H, and S's dad at the Italian

restaurant his grandmother lived above.

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Shopper #11

An old beautiful mandolin he´d found in an antique shop.

Two tickets to a Fats Domino Concert in San Diego and his promise to accompany him without complaining.

Shopper #11 Part 2

A chocolate Advent Calendar and behind one door Hutch finds a special surprise. (and it´s not chocolate)

A Dalmatian puppy.

Shopper #12

I think that the only way for Starsky to shut Hutch’s mouth is with a ball gag, but I think I

would buy a bonsai tree as his gift to Hutch.

I changed Hutch’s gift to Starsky 3 times but I think I have it now. Hutch’s gift to Starsky is an

assortment of things to pamper his baby. Sponges, soap, car wax, interior cleaner and

maybe a set of fuzzy red dice with new car scent.

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Shopper #13

Gift certificate at the local greenhouse/ nursery and his very own tree next to Starsky’s.

Book of gift certificates for Starsky's favorite car wash, and an addition to his train set.

Shopper #14

Starsky wants to inspire and soothe his blond’s spirit and heart this year, so his gifts are: (1) a gorgeous Japanese kite, complete

with streamers, and a ticket to the big Bay City International Kite Festival and (2) a first

edition copy of Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea." The kite will help Hutch soar to touch the skies. Hemingway's book will

connect him to the blue calm of the ocean, and memories of his grandfather.

Hutch wants Starsky to feel more than loved...to feel like the most precious and cherished man in the entire world. He gives Starsky a coupon book

worth 25 hugs on demand, a bottle of sweet grass oil (which Hutch will use to anoint his lover

throughout the holiday season), and a beautiful antique quilt for his bed--and for snuggle time.

Shopper #14

Part 2

Starsky gives Hutch a beautiful gold earring -- a star on a short dangling chain, with a note

that says "Hurry and get that piercing done! Growl!"

Hutch gives Starsky a written note, promising to finally bow to his partner's pressure and get his

ear pierced.

I, Hutch, promise...

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Shopper #14 Part 3

Starsky gives Hutch the sheet music, arranged for guitar, to Bach's "The Sheep May Safely Graze"

Hutch gives Starsky a private concert, playing this beautiful song.

Shopper #15

Two lift tickets for New Years to Squaw Valley Village because he knows how much Hutch loves to ski and loves the outdoors.

Two tickets for New Years to Disney World because he knows how much Starsky loves to ride unusual rides and is a big kid.

Shopper #15 Part

2

A men's identity bracelet with both their birthstones.

A pinky ring w/both their birthstones.

Shopper

#15 Part 3

Fur covered handcuffs, a butt plug, and a

cocky ring.

A book about birds, a sweater, and a donation to

the food bank in Starsky's name.

12


Shopper #16

Two tickets to the Monterey Jazz Festival for the following September (the festival is always in September) with deluxe

accommodations already booked, and a selection of jazz guitar sheet music for him to enjoy right now.

A 1966 edition of Jules Verne's classic, 20.000 Leagues Under the Sea. The 1966 translated edition included the cuts originally made to the

work in translation from French to English. The expedition--the adventure--sets sail from Brooklyn. I think Hutch would like that

connection for Starsky.

Shopper

#17 A mood ring.

Observant Starsky: Green turning brown, you're getting annoyed.

Annoyed Hutch: And you need a ring to tell

you that?

Two tickets to the women's roller derby:

Starsky's never been (though he's heard about it in a song) and Hutch would never go.

Shopper

#18 Two tickets to see John Denver in concert and

a light yellow turtleneck.

Two tickets to the Grand Funk concert and a

package of tube socks.

13


Shopper #19

A gift certificate to as good engine performance place to 'blueprint' the Torino's engine - they take it out, take it apart, check each part, and

rebuild it with the goal of adjustment and modification (if needed) for maximum efficiency and performance.

Shopper #20

Starsky gives Hutch an envelope. Hutch opens it carefully and finds an orange

Monopoly Get out of Jail free card. Hutch reminds Starsky that they're the ones that put the bad guys in jail and Starsky just smiles

and tells him to turn it over. On the other side is a note saying that this card entitles Hutch

to skip any one movie of his choice that Starsky tries to drag him to.

So there's this movie that Starsky really wants to see and he's been driving Hutch crazy about it.

And Hutch knows he's going to get dragged to it. They're sitting in the Torino on Christmas Eve, since of course they got stuck working, and

Hutch gives Starsky an envelope. Starsky shakes it a bit, looks at Hutch and asks him if it's

another tree. Hutch just smiles and tells him to open it. Starsky tears open the envelope and it's a handmade IOU saying that Hutch will treat

Starsky to the movie and dinner just as soon as they get a free evening.

Shopper #21

Since Starsky thinks Hutch should be a better dancer he could give him a gift certificate for dancing lessons. (I love how Hutch dances, so

cute!)

I think Hutch should give Starsky a calendar. One with trees on it. We all know Starsky would love that!

14


Shopper #22

A sketchbook and he paid for Hutch's art classes at the local art gallery

A set of filters for his photo-camera; he paid for Starsky's photography classes at the local art gallery.

Shopper

#23 A pink ball gag with a diamante 'S' on the

strap at each side of the mouth to keep Hutch quiet, and a silver male chastity belt that Starsky keeps the key for.

An enameled Torino charm on a silver serpentine

(S) chain, so that Starsky never has to be parted from his car again.

Shopper #23 Part 2

Starsky names a star 'The Blonde Blintz' in honor of Hutch.

Hutch buys Starsky a Doughnut maker and promises that he will personally make Starsky a batch every week.

Shopper #24

A new guitar with Indian ornaments on it.

A Carrera race course to play with.

15


Shopper #24 Part 2

A new guitar case with Indian ornaments on it.

Two cars for his Carrera race course. One is a model car of a red Torino exactly looking like Starsky's and also with the same license number

on it and one is a model of a Ford Galaxy exactly looking like Hutch's car.

Shopper

#25

Despite what Hutch may think or say, Starsky

loves him more than his car and his first purpose is to ease Hutch life. So, to ease the

endless worries of his beloved partner regarding Starsk's wellbeing he will promise to Hutch to share only healthy meals with him

and cut the junk food (will he be able to resist at least a year of healthy food?).

This year Hutch will give Starsky a real gift, a

sparkling new pair of Starsky's favourite running shoes. Only they are Red with white stripes to

match Starsky's beloved Torino. Starsky probably will love it even if Hutch will have to hope they won't last more than few months and he will just

have to look at his beloved partner from the ankles up. At least that's not hard to do.

Shopper #26

A Hacky Sack - To help with Hutch's co-ordination! He'll be so occupied perfecting this little sport that it will help with Starsky's wish

of something "that will shut that big yap of his for once". As Starsky loves Hutch so

much, it will also appeal to Hutch wanting to exercise and do activities that are good for his body. Hutch can play alone, or he can

convince Starsky that it would be good for him too and they can play together.

Chia Pet - Even Starsky couldn't kill it! It'll appeal to a guy who has owned a pet rock! It's a kind of double present as the first Chia pet sold back

then was a Ram - Starsky's Zodiac sign. However, Starsky will remind Hutch that he still

needs to get Starsky a birthday present, too.

16


Shopper #27

Because he loves Hutch so much, Starsky gives Hutch a gift voucher for a weekend for two in a cabin near Lake Forest, all inclusive.

Because he loves Starsky so much, Hutch gives Starsky a gift voucher for a weekend for two in a luxury hotel in Las Vegas, all inclusive.

Shopper #28

Once he found out that Hutch has been planning this huge trip, Starsky needed a supplementary xmas present for Hutch -- so

he bought tickets to the opera at La Scala, figuring that they'd be (virtually) in the

neighborhood. He knows Hutch will love it, and Starsky will give it a go -- his agent told him that Verdi's Falstaff is a comedy, so that

should be okay; and Nabucco is about the exile of the Jews by Nebuchadnezzar, so that

may be interesting. http://www.teatroallascala.org/en/season/opera-ballet/2012-2013/opera-ballet.html

Hutch went all out this year, and is giving Starsky a photography safari to Venice, Italy, for Carnevale in February. Details:

http://www.photosafaris.com/photography-trips-2013/venice-carnival-photo-tour/

Lots of fabulous photo ops, big-time party atmosphere, costumes, and Italian food! What's not to love!

Shopper #29

Although it probably won't fit, Hutch doesn't expect Starsky to wear this New Guinea penis cover long, anyway. (Hutch was a little confused

when he first saw it, but quickly realized there are 3 covers in the picture)

Click to see Starsky's present: http://shop.bowers.org/SelectSKU.aspx?skuid=1008931

http://www.teatroallascala.org/en/season/opera-ballet/2012-2013/opera-ballet.html

http://www.teatroallascala.org/en/season/opera-ballet/2012-2013/opera-ballet.html



http://shop.bowers.org/SelectSKU.aspx?skuid=1008931

http://shop.bowers.org/SelectSKU.aspx?skuid=1008931

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Shopper #30 Part 1

Starsky gets tired of hearing Hutch whine about the price of gas. He's also really tired of Hutch's overly-used old cars. So we think

Starsky should buy Hutch the car he deserves...with a special paint job!

Starsky has a bad habit of forgetting to pick up his mail from his street side mailbox. There are days when the guys are so busy Starsky's

mailbox looks as though he's moved away and forgotten to forward his mail. So Hutch will give him, for Christmas, a new mailbox he'll never

forget to check.

Shopper

#30 Part 2

Hutch has been wanting to remodel his

Venice Place bathroom for years and wants to install an old-fashioned claw foot tub to

match the rest of the antiques-flea market shabby chic decor. We think Starsky would be happy to give him this tub that they could

both enjoy.

Hutch wants to go camping more often but

Starsky misses his creature comforts, so we suggest Hutch get Starsky the perfect camping

trailer, something even he will want to go camping in.

Shopper

#30 Part 3

Hutch has been saying that he and Starsk

should go to Maryland to get married, since that was one of the states that passed the

equal marriage act on a voting referendum. Starsky is actually considering the idea. We think this is the limousine Starsky should rent

and present as a gift to Hutch for them to travel around in while in Maryland.

Hutch is really tired of Starsky whining about the

high price of gas. If he didn't have such a gas guzzling car, Hutch reasons, Starsky wouldn't

have so much to complain about. We think this car might be the solutions to Starsky's high gas prices problem and we know Hutch would just

love to give it to him.

18


Shopper #30 Part 4

Hutch reminisces one night about the two weeks they spent driving a semi across country while waiting for their assignment

with Joe Durniak. Hutch remembers those two weeks as something fun, with long hours on the road and longer nights alone in the

truck together. Starsky thought it was fun, too, since he loved playing with the radio, and

the added advantage of getting to be with Hutch 24 hours a day was a special bonus. We think this truck -- with a custom high built

double wide sleeping compartment -- would be something Starsky would love to give

Hutch...especially since it has such a great paint job.

Hutch is tired of Starsky complaining about being cold when they go camping. Starsky insists he gets so cold, his cock acts like a turtle and

disappears, and disappearing cocks are no fun on a camping trip. We think these underwear, which are even in the right colors, will solve this

problem and would be a perfect gift for Hutch to give Starsky.

Shopper

#30 Part 5

Starsky is convinced that, with Hutch's luck,

he's bound to win the 500 million dollar Powerball, so he buys Hutch a ticket (knowing

Hutch won't buy it himself).

Starsky knows once Hutch wins that money, this

is the first gift Hutch will buy for Starsky in gratitude. We think Hutch would get it for him,

too, if only to get him to put his antique Torino in the garage once and for all.

19


Shopper #30 Part 6

Captain Dobey left this note on our desk. "I'm so tired of Hutch's dry, 'Just the facts, ma'am' report writing alternating with Starsky's comic

book style reports. I think someone needs to give them this gift so that maybe the both of them can write a coherent professional report

that won't drive me crazy. And I know the cover design will have Starsky turning the

pages eagerly.”

Hutch really is tired of the Torino. We think he should hire a designer to design a new car for Starsky, and that it should look just like this.

Shopper 31

Apologies to the shopper

whose gift ideas were swallowed

by a spam filter!

The Complete Buddy Holly (not "the" album, because, you know, only seven in the country now *g* but a six-LP box set with scrapbook

and liner notes).

A pocket watch similar to his own, engraved "To DS, Always, me and thee. KH"

20


Shopper 32

The gift you’ve selected for Starsky to give to Hutch: For Hutch: A personal shopper! Hutch

can avoid every department store and shopping mall Santa every year with this

handy young person, such as Molly or Kiko, or one of their responsible friends. Give him or her a list and a credit card and off they'll go to

find just what Hutch wants to give without Hutch having to stand for one second in a

long cashier's line!

For Starsky, an entire Christmas tree dressed in red and white, and every ornament is some

version of the beloved Torino. From etched glass to round balls, the Torino is the prominent image

on every one, and if you closely at one special one, you'll see it's a photograph of the two of them together in the car.

ssstttaaarrrssskkkyyy &&& hhhuuutttccchhh ...€¦ · ssstttaaarrrssskkkyyy...

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