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TRANSCRIPT
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PERSONAL EFFICIENCY WITH EMPHASIS
ON WORK VALUES BASED ON
BACKGROUND AND CULTURE.
A SEMINAR WORKSHOP DESIGNED FOR
THE AVENUE PLAZA HOTEL,
MAGSAYSAY AVENUE, NAGA CITY
Zenia Lim Panahon, MA; T. V. Dy, MA; E.C. Guevara, MA
January 2011
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Course Outline
Description
Objectives
Methodology
Schedule Participants
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JOURNEY of SELF
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Introduction
Questionnaire
How Well Do I Know
Myself?
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Stage 1 Understanding an Ideal
Stage 2 Self-Awareness
Stage 3 Self-Realization
Stage 4 Decision to Change
Stage 5 Actualizing the Change
Stages of Development
- the process of development takes place in 5
stages
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Scaling question: On a scale from 1 to 10, with10 being the desired person that you can be,how would you rate how you are doing now
1_________________________10Stage 1 Understanding an Ideal
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Spiderman clipSpiderman clip
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Stage 2 Self-Awareness
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Stage 3Self-Realization
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A Physical Boundary is a delineation of the limits of a
property, for example.
Cloud and Townsend articulate that:
Boundary is something that defines us, that is what is
me and what is not me (Cloud, 1992, p.29).
Rich Buhlers definitionBoundary is something used to protect oneself, like a
barrier(Buhler, 1991; Taken from Dr. Regina Regencias handouts from Strenthening InterpersonalBoundary of Single Women small group)
What is Boundary
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Minuchin says that,boundaries are the key to all human relationship, for they arethe emotional barriers that preserve and protect the rights of theindividual (Taken from Dr. Regina Regencias handouts from Strenthening Interpersonal Boundary of Single Women small group).
Whitfield in his book on Boundaries and Relationshipsindicates that,
A boundary or limit is how far we can go with comfort in arelationship. It delineates where I and my physical and
psychological space end and where you and yours begin (Whitfield,1993, p.1).
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Exercise:
What is within your boundary?
e.g. needs,choices
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sexuality, needs, time alone, intuitions,
individual differences, love, interests,relationships, responsibilities,
confidences, secrets, participation, roles,
rules, messenger function (triangulation),
personal experiences, relationship with
true self, God, spiritual path, spirituality,religion, spiritual preferences, spiritual
practices
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Physical closeness, Touching, Sexual
behavior, privacy - mail, diary, doors,nudity, bathroom, telephone, private spaces,
etc., eye contact, clothes, shelter, property,
money, physical differences, gifts, food,
pollution e.g. smoke, noise, time and
energy, beliefs, thoughts/ideas, decisions,
feelings, choices, unfinished business,
projections, energy
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Categories / types of Boundaries
Examples of Boundaries (Cloud, 1992 ( 2004)
Physical
Emotional Distance
Mental
Words
Time
Geography
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What is Within My (Personal)Boundaries (Cloud, 1992 ( 2004)
Feelings, Attitudes and beliefs,Behavior, Choices, Values, Limits,
Thoughts, Talents, Desire, Love
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What Is Mine Is Not YoursWhat Is Yours Is Not Mine
What Is Mine
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H
E
A
L
T
H
Y
B
O
U
N
D
A
R
I
E
S
WHAT IS MINE WHATISNOTMINE
OTHER Person
Other peoples awareness of
their inner lifeyTheir beliefs, thoughts,
feelings, decisions, choicesand experiences
Their wants and needs
Their unconscious material.
Their behavior.
Their responsibility to and fortheir life
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What do we mean by having healthy
boundaries?
PRESENCE
RECEPTIVE APPROPRIATENESS
Basedon inner life
FLEXIBILITY HEALTHY PROTECTIVE
BOUNDARIES
MAINTENANCE CLARITY
FIRMNESS
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Presence I am aware that I have boundaries
Appropriateness Since I am aware of my inner life,I can decide whether there is a need for me to setappropriate boundaries based on the experience orsituation I am into.
Protective one important function of boundary is toknow that we have the right to protect our well-being
from abuses and mistreatment.
Clarity- I am clear about the boundary with myselfand with others with whom I am setting the boundaryor limit.
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Firmness I have the right to be firm in my boundary or limit. How
firm do I want my limit to be in order to get what I want and need? I
am in control of how firm I want my boundaries to be.
Maintenance In getting what I want or need, is there a need for me
to maintain or hold firm on a specific boundary for a period of time? Or
should I just let go and relax the boundary to get what I need or want?
Flexibility How flexible do I want my boundary to be in order to get
what I want or need?
Receptive I am prepared to consider or accept the reality that I havethe choice whether I can loosen the boundary a bit and let another
person, place, thing, behavior, or experience in my life.
Adapted from: Whitfiled, Charles. Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and enjoying the self (1993,
p.115-116).
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What do we mean by having
Unhealthy BoundariesSet by other people -
Hurtful and harmful
Controlling and manipulate
Building a wall
Invasive or dominatingEnmeshed
Rigid (walls)
Forming a triangle with another person
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ROLE PLAYINGROLE PLAYING
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Stage 4 Decision to Change
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LETS GET
EMOTIONAL!Stage 3: Self-Realization
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is the complexpsychophysiological experience of an
individual's state of mind as interacting withbiochemical(internal) and environmental (external) influences.
fundamentally involves "physiological arousal, expressivebehaviors, and conscious experience
is associated with mood, temperament,personality anddisposition, and motivation.
The English word 'emotion' is derived from the French wordmouvoir. This is based on the Latin emovere, where e- (variantofex-) means 'out' and movere means 'move'.[2] The related term"motivation" is also derived from the word movere(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotions, 2011).
What is anE
motion?
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Worthington (Worthington, 2001) defines emotions as not feelings. Feelings are
the ways we label emotions in a part of the brain called the working memory.
Emotions are embodied experienceswhere each part of the body tells the brain
precisely what emotions we are experiencing.
Daniel Goleman, in his book on Emotional Intelligence has defined emotions as
such:
refers to a feeling and its distinctive thoughts, psychological and biological states,
and a range of propensities to act. There are hundreds of emotions, along with their
blends, variations, mutations and nuances (Goleman, 1995).
What is anE
motion?
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They have them because emotions are crucial to survival,
communication, and problem solving.
They offer messages that one is in danger, that ones
boundaries are being invaded, that one is feeling close to
someone safe and familiar, or that this person is absent.
Emotions are most noticeable as changes in a readiness foraction, they respond to changing circumstances by
changing the person.
Why do people have emotions and
what should they do with them?(Greenberg, 2002, p.11-13)
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In fear, people shrink back. In anger, they puff up, in
sadness, they close down, and in interest they open up.
Emotions, by rapidly communicating a persons current
state, needs, goals, and inclinations to others, also
regulate other peoples behavior.
Emotions, by contrast, are visible in ones face and
voice, and thereby they regulate self and other.
Emotions also set up relational themes that become
central organizers of relationships. Sadness is about loss,
anger is about frustration or unfairness, fear is about
threat, and jealousy is about perceived displacement or
betrayal.
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There are several primaryemotions that every humanbeing experiences in its
lifetime. These are:
Primary Emotions (Goleman,
1995) and its Shades
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Anger fury, outrage, resentment, wrath, exasperation,
indignation, vexation, acrimony, animosity, annoyance,
irritability, and perhaps at the extreme, pathological hatred and
violence.
Sadness grief, sorrow, cheerlessness, gloom, melancholy, self-
pity, loneliness, dejection, despair, and, when, pathological,
severe depression.
Fear anxiety, apprehension, nervousness, concern,
consternation, misgiving, wariness, qualm, edginess, dread,
fright, terror, as a psychopathology, phobia and panic.
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Enjoyment happiness, joy, relief, contentment, bliss, delight, amusement,
pride, sensual pleasure, thrill, rapture, gratification, euphoria, whimsy,
ecstacy, and at the far edge, mania.
Love acceptance, friendliness, trust, kindness, affinity, devotion, adoration,
infatuation, agape
Surprise shock, astonishment, amazement, wonder
Disgust contempt, disdain, scorn, abhorrence, aversion, distaste, revulsion
Shame guilt, embarrassment, chagrin, remorse, humiliation, regret,
mortification and contrition.
Out of these primary emotions and its many shades, human beings
experience the universality of the following facial expressions of fear,
anger, sadness and enjoyment (Goleman, 1995).
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Fear
Anger
Sadness
Enjoyment
Universality of Facial
Expressions
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Daniel Goleman (1998, p.56) says that:
o emotional awareness is the recognition of how our
emotions affect our performance, and the ability to useour values to guide decision making
o People with this competence know which emotions
they are feeling and why; realize the links between
their feeling and what they think, do, and say;
recognize how their feelings affect their performance;
and have a guiding awareness of their values and
goals.
First step in regulating emotions is therefore awareness of
them (Greenberg, 2002, p.32)
What is Emotional
Awareness?
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People need to be guided to become aware of their emotions
so they can allow and accept them, be informed by them,
and then work with t hem to solve problems (Greenberg, 2002, p.32).
Ultimately people need to evaluate whether the emotion
they are experiencing is adaptive and can be sued as a guideor whether it is maladaptive and should not be followed(Greenberg, 2002, p.32).
Disowning of emotion and difficulty in tolerating painful
but necessary emotions led to disease (Perls, Hefferline, & Goodman, 1951 as cited inEmotion-focused therapy, Greenberg, L. (2002, p.9)
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Emotion is a signal to oneself
Emotion organizes one for action
Emotions monitor the state of ones relationships
Emotion evaluate whether things are going ones
way
Emotions signal to others
How to Use Emotion
Intelligently(Greenberg, 2002, p.11)
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Befriending your
feelings
Exercise
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Stage 4 Decision to Change
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What is Self-E
steem?It is a reflection of a persons overall evaluationof him/her own worth. It includes beliefs (for
example, I am competent), and emotions suchas pride, shame,worth (I feel loved, worthy).
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Markers forPositive
View ofS
elfversus
Negative View ofSelfTaken from Amelia Roldan, Becoming A Winner, 2003, p.21
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Markers for Positive View
of Self
Markers for Negative
View of Self
1. Realistic view of oneself
2. Being true to oneself and
accepting oneself in terms of a
wholesome self-esteem
3. Positive affirmations
4. Warm and happy countenance
5. Being at peace with oneself
1.Physical symptoms
a.Tense and anxious
b.Gloomy and unhappy
countenance
c. Eye contact issue
d.Withdrawn
e.Monopolizing a
conversation, being a
compulsive talker
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Markers for Positive
View
of Self
Markers for Negative View of Self
1.Physical symptoms
a. Monopolizing a conversation, being
a compulsive talker
b. Compulsive smoking or drinking,resorting to scapegoats
c. Impatience and irritability
d. Depression
e. Always complainingf. Refusal to admit mistakes
g. Indulgence in gossips and hearsays
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Markers for Positive
View
of Self
Markers for Negative View of Self
1.Physical symptoms
a. All knowing attitude, pretending to
know a lot of things
b. Tendency to inhibit or dominate others
c. Jealousy and envy
d. Suspiciousness or paranoid behavior
e. Remorse or guilt, feeling ashamed
f. Tendency to compare oneself with
others
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Markers for Positive
View
of Self
Markers for Negative View of Self
1.Physical symptoms
a. Idol worship idolizing sport heroes,
movie stars
b. Dislike of oneself
c. Disowning body parts
d. Resorting to various forms of defense
mechanisms like rationalization
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The 5 As for Healthy
Development ofS
elf-E
steembyAmelia Roldan (pp,26-29)
ACCEPTANCE is the experience of being unconditionally
loved, being accepted for what we are,without conditions, being at home withothers. The absence of these results to self
rejection or a deep sense of alienation orisolation. Because of this experience, many
people become passive.
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The 5 As for Healthy
Development ofS
elf-E
steembyAmelia Roldan (pp,26-29)
APPRECIATION the experience of being valued, given importance
or having someone delight in oneself; a feeling abeing special to another person. The absence of theseresult to shame and low self worth or self-esteem.The extreme polarities maybe inferiority or
superiority complex. When one is not appreciated, heis inclined to lose his self-confidence. He may coverup and prove his worth and power by showingsuperiority or excellence over others.
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The 5 As for Healthy
Development ofS
elf-E
steembyAmelia Roldan (pp,26-29)
APPROVAL the experience of being recognized or
acknowledge for ones success or achievements.The absence of these results to self-doubtperfectionism and fear of failure. Among the
manifestations are: being a workaholic, being aperfectionist and absenteeism. Extremepolarities are: insecurity or boastfulness.
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The 5 As for Healthy
Development ofS
elf-E
steembyAmelia Roldan (pp,26-29)
AFFIRMATION the experience of being valued for onesindividuality or uniqueness and giftedness.The absence of these results to extremeconformism, poor self-valuing, difficulty or
inhibition in expressing opinion and indiscriminating. Extreme polarities areinvalidation or bragging.
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The 5 As for Healthy
Development ofS
elf-E
steembyAmelia Roldan (pp,26-29)AFFECTION the experience of being touched caringly,
stroked lovingly, and embraced tenderlybecause one is worthy of being loved andcherished. The absence of this may result inretarded physical and mental development,difficulty in relating with people, fear ofintimacy and insecurity. Extreme polaritiesare emotional neediness or emotional
distance.
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Behavioral Manifestations ofMaladjustments By Amelia Roldan (pp.28-29)
i. A person who is deprived of acceptance and approval in his/her
formative years is inclined to be:
y Attention seeker, demanding, unable to give love,
possessive and a user who takes advantage of other
people, easily hurt, nurtures hatred when offended,
vindictive, an escapist, escaping painful realities through
drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.
ii.If pampered with too much attention and care, he is also inclined
to be:
y
Demanding of attention, selfish, inconsiderate and conceited
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Behavioral Manifestations ofMaladjustments By Amelia Roldan (pp.28-29)
i.If deprived of recognition and appreciation, the person
may exhibit:yDislike and hatred of himself as well as others,
loss of self-esteem and self-respect, a sense of
inadequacy, feeling of rejection, an inability to
listen and to understand others, a persecution
complex (feeling of being a victim all the time),
reactive-ness to corrections and criticisms
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Behavioral Manifestations ofMaladjustments By Amelia Roldan (pp.28-29)
i.Obsessed with social approval, the deprived adult may
resort to undesirable anti-social behavior like:
yMonopolizing a conversation, bragging too much,
proving power and dominion by inhibiting others or by
aggressive behavior, covering up for inadequacies like
being too much of a people pleaser, appearing to beknow it all, competing for power, prestige or attention,
defensive or evasive response to correction, always
trying to be pleasing at the expense of himself
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Behavioral Manifestations ofMaladjustments By Amelia Roldan (pp.28-29)
i.Deprivation of the need for autonomy likewise may
condition abnormal behavior likeyObsession for power and dominion, defiance and
contempt against people in authority, as well as
rules and regulations, rebelliousness anddisobedience, rigidity, compulsive obsession
(being too perfectionist, too clean, too orderly,
etc.)
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Developing Healthy
Self-Esteem
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Redefining Myself(Mckay, M. & Fanning, P., 1987, pp.58-61)
Identify and list as many words or phrases as you can in describing yourself in the
following areas:
Physical appearance
(for example: description of height, weight, body posture, quality of skin)
Personality
How do other people see you as a person
Mental functioning
(capacity for learning, wisdom/knowledge acquired, ability to solveproblems, reasoning capability)
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Unloading ExerciseBy Amelia Roldan (p.39)
a. In the first column, draw a trash can and place into
the following:
i. All your negative thoughts, negative self-talklike: ang malas ko, wala na akong tamang
ginawa.
a. In the second column, draw a basket and decorate
it, and place thereat alli.The positive thoughts you want to replace your
negative thoughts and self-talk: hindi ako
malas mayroon akong alam, kaya ko yan.
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Column 1 Column 2
Trash negative thoughts, self-talk Basket of positive thoughts
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CelebratingMy Assets(Mckay, M. & Fanning, P.,1987, pp.73-74).
Actively recalling and
focusing onaccomplishments
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Actively recalling and focusing on accomplishments
Acknowledge your strengths. Go back to your lists thatcorrespond to all your strengths. Reflect on them. Then
try to read them slowly. Internalize them. Then rewrite
them in complete sentences as if you are writing a
letter of recommendation for someone you really
admire and cherished. Then read it again slowly and
passionately (now out loud, if you can). You can also
do this at home. Read your list two times a day for one
month. You can do it upon waking up and before going
to bed.
M k li t f d il
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Write a one-sentence positive self-
statement that can be repeated toyourself throughout the day, e.g. I
am worthy, I am competent, I am
likable
Make a list of daily
affirmations
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Countering Negative Self-Talk
What do we mean by negative self-
talk?
I
t is how you talk to yourself negativelywhich is done habitually andunconsciously.
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9 Distorted Thinking Styles that Harm Self-Esteem
1. Overgeneralization from one isolated event you make a
general, universal rule.If you failed once, youll always fail.2. Global labeling you automatically use derogatory labels to
describe yourself, rather than accurately describing your
qualities.
3. Filtering you selectively pay attention to the negative anddisregard the positive.
4. Polarized thinking you lump things into absolute, black-and-
white categories, with no middle ground. You have to be
perfect youre worthless.5. Self-blame- you consistently blame yourself for things that
may not really be your fault.
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9 Distorted Thinking Styles that Harm Self-Esteem
6. Personalization you assume that everything has something to do with you, and
you negatively compare yourself to everyone else.
7. Mind reading you assume that others dont like you, are angry with you, dont
care about you, and so on, without real evidence that your assumptions are correct.
8. Control fallacies you either feel that you have total responsibility for everybody
and everything, or feel that you have no control, that you are a helpless victim.
10. Emotional reasoning you assume that things are the way you feel about them.
Takenfrom: Mckay, Matthew & Fanning, Patrict. (1987). Self-Esteem.New Harbinger Publications: USA
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Refuting irrational beliefs or negative talk involves COMMITMENT.
It is your choice now to make a commitment to yourself if you
want to make necessary changes in the way you think.
y The 3-Column technique
o Since cognitive distortions are bad habits (Mckay & Fanning, 1987, p.76), you
need to unlearn how youre thinking style is played out and relearn new steps to
replace old habits to new and positive ones.
o Directions in the first column, write down what your negative critic is saying to
you about the situation. Even if nothing immediately comes to mind, keep
reliving the situation until you get a word or two.
o Examine your self-talk for the distortions (listed above) that damages your self-
esteem.
EXERCISE:
WHAT TO DO ABOUT THEM?
((Mckay & Fanning, 1987, p.88-90)
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Self-statement Distortion Rebuttal
Example:
They will reject me. they will
how nervous I am. They think I
am weird. I am always like that.
Mind reading
Overgeneralization
I have no way of knowing what
they will think. That is up to
them.
Not so! Sometimes I am quitearticulate.
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The Treasure Within Me by Amelia Roldan (p.47)oWhat two things I do very well
oMy two greatest achievements in life
oWhat in myself am I proudest of
oMy happiest moment
oPositive words that my friends use to describeme
oA personal goal that I have already achieved
o
Three blessings I am most thankful to GodoThree of my positive qualities
oDifficulties, challenges and problems that I was
able to solve and overcome
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