• 1Baby Steps • www.gwinnettextension.com

Sound and noiseBy: Ines Beltran, FACS Agent, Gwinnett Cooperative Extension Service

According to the Hearing Loss Association of America, about 2-3 of every 1,000 children are hard of hearing or deaf and 30 schoolchildren per 1,000 have a hearing loss. Young people are at risk for hearing loss because of repeated exposure to loud sounds from MP3s, iPod players and any personal listening device inserted in the ear. Parents define for their young children what sound is and what noise is. It is impor-tant to distinguish between sound, which is one extremely important way children learn about their world, and noise, which be-comes a threat to health and well-being.

What can parents do?• Look for reactions that indicate the noise is too

loud or overwhelming - Many infants and young children hold their ears, wince, or step back when

exposed to noise. • Model – If you blast your stereo, TV, or video games,

so will your children. If you keep sound levels mod-erate, your children are more likely to keep levels

moderate also. • Listen when children talk about loud noise – Reflect back

to your children what they are saying so they can clarify their own feelings about noise and how it affects them.

• Discuss noise and the damage it does –Help your children learn that exposure to loud noise over a long period of time

causes permanent damage. • Take advantage of (peace and) quiet – Family dinner is a great

time to enjoy each other and share stories of the day without the distraction of TV or phones. • Enjoy quiet family time – Walk in the woods listening for animals scurrying or birds chirping. Listen

inside your house to the noise of the clocks, the heating system going on and off. • Set limits on the amount of time or volume of sound – Your children may insist they study better

or do whatever better using an ear bud or having the TV on, but do their grades, sleep habits, etc. really back that up?

• Make the atmosphere less stressful – Are there competing TV shows spilling over from one room of the house to the next? Just getting rid of one source of sound can avoid “noise confusion.”

• Monitor noise levels – Is the noise from the iPod, TV, computer, or musical instrument too loud? A good rule of thumb: if you need to shout from three feet away to be heard, it is way too loud.

Hearing loss due to noise is cumulative and permanent. Each exposure causes a little damage, and the louder a noise is, the less time it takes for damage to occur.

In this issue:

Sound and noise 1

The roles of “nurture” 2and “structure” love

Infant sleep 3

How to set limits - 4toddlers

a newsletter for the parents of babies Fall 2014

• 3Baby Steps • www.gwinnettextension.com2 •2 • gwinnettcounty • Cooperative Extension • www.gwinnettextension.com

The roles of “nurture” and “structure” loveThere are not any hard and fast rules about when you should be nurturing or when you should use structure love. As a parent, you may make one decision in one situation with one child and make a different choice at another time. It is the overall balance that is important and that influences your children’s development. Let us see the differences between “nurture” and “structure” love, and how these two different kinds of love affects the lives of our children.

• “Nurturing” love helps your children to: feel good about them-selves, feel lovable and worthy, feel listened and feel that they are understood, become trusting because they know that their needs will be met, learn that they can tackle difficult situations and face challenges because they do not have to face them alone, and are able to give back to other people through the emotional support they are given from you. This builds their ability to empathize with others. Being valued just for whom they are helps to build your children’s self-esteem.

When you give too much nurture, you may be overly protective, and intrusive. Under these conditions, children do not learn skills to care for themselves and they do not learn to consider other people’s needs. Conversely, when you are not nurturing enough, you are too emotionally distant and not adequately involved in your children’s lives. As a result, children do not feel loved or sup-ported and they may not learn to trust other people.Through “nurture” love the foundations for future healthy re-lationships are formed. In the nurturing role, you enjoy and ac-cept your children as they are and do not expect any change in behavior.

• “Structure” love helps your children to: feel a sense of safety that rules will be in place when they can’t control their own impulses, learn to tolerate a reasonable amount of frustra-tion and disappointment when they don’t always get their own way, discover that the world does not revolve totally around them, learn responsible behavior and learn from their mistakes, gain experience making decisions, become more self-sufficient and independent, and internalize your rules and values.

When you provide too much structure, you may be rigid and use harsh discipline; children do not learn to think for themselves, and they may become passive or they might rebel. When you give too little structure, your expectations and rules may be unclear and inconsistent. Children may feel confused; they do not feel that they will be protected; and they do not learn to be respon-sible because they are not held accountable for their behaviors.

Through “structure” love, you give direction, impose rules, use discipline, set limits, establish and follow through with conse-quences, hold your children accountable for their behavior, and teach values. It is in the structure role that you expect change in behavior and increased growth, maturity, and ability.In order for children to thrive and develop in a healthy way, they need you to carry out both of these roles. • If you only provide the nurture piece your children can be-

come spoiled, unappreciative, self-centered, and not learn how to do things for themselves. Your children may mistake your kindness for weakness and not view you as a source of support.

• If you only provide the structure piece your children may feel resentful, unloved, abandoned, and may be less likely to coop-erate willingly with the rules or to internalize them. Fearing punishment, children may try to fly under the radar and hide their mistakes and vulnerabilities from you. You will miss op-portunities to influence your children’s behaviors and choices.

There will be situations in which it will help you to take a step back and consciously decide which role will best help your child grow and learn – the nurture role or the structure role. In gen-eral, mixtures of both involvement and control will help your children acquire the internal resources they will need to succeed.

Infant sleepBabies’ need for sleep varies depending on their age. While newborns do sleep much of the time, their sleep is in very short segments. As a baby grows, the total amount of sleep gradually decreases, but the length of nighttime sleep increases.

Generally, newborns sleep about eight to nine hours in the day-time and about eight hours at night. Most babies do not begin sleeping through the night (six to eight hours) without wak-ing until about 3 months of age, or until they weigh 12 to 13 pounds. About two-thirds of babies are able to sleep through the night on a regular basis by the age of 6 months.

Babies also have different sleep cycles than adults. Babies spend much less time in rapid eye movement (REM) sleep (which is dreamtime sleep) and the cycles are shorter. The following are the usual nighttime and daytime sleep requirements for new-borns through age 2 years old:

Age Total Sleep Hours Total Hours of Nighttime Sleep

Total Hours of Daytime Sleep

Newborn 16 hours 8 to 9 8

1 month 15.5 hours 8 to 9 7

3 months 15 hours 9 to 10 4 to 5

6 months 14 hours 10 4

9 months 14 hours 11 3

1 year 14 hours 11 3

1.5 years 13.5 hours 11 2.5

2 years 13 hours 11 2

What are the signs of infant sleep problems?

Once a baby begins regularly sleeping through the night, parents are often dismayed when he/she begins to awaken in the night again. This typically happens at about 6 months of age. This is often a normal part of development called separation anxiety, when a baby does not understand that separations are tem-porary. Babies may also begin to have difficulty going to sleep because of separation anxiety, over-stimulation, or over-tiredness.

Common responses of babies experiencing these night awaken-ings or difficulty going to sleep may include the following:

• awakening and crying one or more times in the night after previously sleeping through the night

• crying when you leave the room • refusal to go to sleep without a parent nearby • clinging to the parent at separation

Because sleep problems may also occur with illness, consult your baby’s physician if your baby begins having difficulty going to sleep or staying asleep, especially if this is a new pattern.

Helping your baby fall asleep:

Babies may not be able to establish their own sleeping and waking patterns. Surprisingly, not all babies know how to put themselves to sleep, or are able to go back to sleep if they are awakened in the night. When it is time for bed, many parents want to rock or breastfeed a baby to help him/her fall asleep. Establishing a routine such as this at bedtime is a good idea. However, be sure that your baby does not fall asleep in your arms. This may become a pattern and your baby may begin to expect to be in your arms in order to fall asleep. When your baby briefly awakens during a sleep cycle, he/she may not be able to go back to sleep on his/her own.

Babies who feel secure are better able to handle separations, especially at night. Cuddling and comforting your baby during the day can help him/her feel more secure. Other ways to help your baby learn to sleep include the following:

• Allow time for naps each day as needed for the age of the baby.

• Avoid stimulation and activity close to bedtime. • Establish a bedtime routine, such as bath, reading books, and

rocking. • Play soft music while your baby is getting sleepy. • Introduce a transitional object such as a blanket or soft toy

that your baby can take to bed. • Tuck your baby into bed when he/she is drowsy, but before

going to sleep. • Comfort and reassure your baby when he/she is afraid. • For night awakenings, comfort and reassure your baby by

patting and soothing, but avoid taking your baby out of bed. • If your baby cries, wait a few minutes, then return and reas-

sure with patting and soothing. Then, say goodnight and leave (repeat as needed).

• Be consistent with the routine and your responses.

Gwinnett Cooperative Extension750 South Perry Street, Suite 400

Lawrenceville, GA 30046www.gwinnettextension.com

Baby Steps is a quarterly publication sent to you by Gwinnett Cooperative Extension Service.

If you would like to receive notification of newly published newsletters by email, please send your email address to extensionservice@gwinnettcounty.com or contact Ines Beltran at 678.377.4010.

Ines BeltranFACS Agent, Gwinnett County

The University of Georgia and Ft. Valley State College, the U.S. Department of Agriculture, and counties of the state cooperating. The Cooperative Extension Service offers educational programs, assistance, and materials to all people without regard to race, color, national origin, sex, or disability. An equal opportunity/affirmative action organization committed to a diverse workforce.

How to set limits - toddlers

By: Ines Beltran, FACS Agent, Gwinnett Cooperative Extension Service

Your toddler between the ages of two and three has good physical skills but needs a parent to set limits for safety. Here are some steps you can take to set your children in the right direc-tion while maintaining your humor and sanity.• Provide safe areas because toddlers must explore. Build a

fort from chairs and blankets. Pretend to have a picnic in the middle of winter. One mother who was stuck inside with two toddlers for long periods brought in bags of sand, which she poured into trays, dressed her kids in bathing suits, and turned her kitchen into a “mini” beach. There may be some things that you cannot move, but for those that you can, it is wiser to move them and save your energy for other more fun activities than saying “no.”

• Allow your child to do as many self-care items for himself as possible. Toddlers have a desire to be independent. Let him brush his own teeth while you are doing yours. You can go in for a final brush-up if necessary. Let her put on her own clothes. It may take longer, but if you plan for it, it can actu-ally keep your child happily occupied while you are getting some of your own tasks completed. Consider buying Velcro shoes and other toddler-friendly items.

• Leave extra time in your schedule to accommodate toddler-time since toddlers dawdle. Assume that ten minutes of your life will disappear somewhere between looking at the clock in the kitchen as you walk out the door and looking at the clock in your car when you turn on the ignition. Some people have their children sleep in the clothes they are go-ing to wear the next day to avoid extra steps.

• Don’t serve messy foods or teach your child to help clean up, if you know that toddlers make a mess when they eat.

Do not serve rice if the mess bothers you and lack the time to sweep. Have an extra T-shirt to always put on the child for eating – or have the kid just eat in diapers. You can also teach your child to help you clean up – they can use a dust buster or hold the dustpan.

• Offer your child very limited selections toddlers have trouble making choices. “Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?” If he cannot decide, you make the choice. “It’s a red shirt kind of day.” In some stages, when anxiousness and stress are especially high, it is best to announce what is going to happen rather than offer a choice.

• Create rituals to start or end the day, ending playtime, and for leaving places. Some toddlers love sameness even to the point of being rigid. Make sure you enjoy the rituals and they are not so long that you feel trapped by them.

• Plan ahead for change. Some toddlers have difficulty with transitions, in addition to rituals. You can give warnings “after 5 more tosses of the ball, we need to clean up the toys. OK, that’s one.” For some children, parents find that using timers help: “The rule is when the timer goes off…” Often tod-dlers accept outside things such as timers to be the rule and will not fight them as much as they would argue with you.

• Use distraction to direct them to a more acceptable activity. Toddlers have short attention spans. A favorite is to look outside at the passing clouds; there is always something that can be of interest.

• Motivate your toddler with games. Toddlers have a sense of humor, then “Let’s see who can climb into the car seat first, you or Mr. Bear.”