Sophie  ‘THEN’                                                                            Sophie  ‘NOW’  

 

Ridding the silence

By Sophia Rose Blum

One night, while my Mom was lying with me in bed, I picked up my stuffed frog. But, I

wasn’t playing with the frog. My hands were fixated on her neck.

“What are you doing to the frog, Sophie?” My Mom asked me.

“I am trying to fix her voice box,” I replied.

“Her what?”

“The words are stuck in her voice box, Mom. She needs surgery to help her get the words

out.”

The social anxiety disorder that I had, Selective Mutism (SM), caused me to be

frightened in any social situation. I would become so scared that I would completely shut down

and was unable to speak. When I was about five, my anxiety became so severe that I didn’t even

speak to some of my family members. Many people thought I was being stubborn when they

would ask me a question and I wouldn’t reply. I would isolate myself in public while other kids

played and talked. People didn’t understand that I wasn’t trying to be rude by not joining the

group. In actuality, my fear was beyond my control.

At school in particular, I did everything I could to remain unnoticed. Every day I wore

the same kind of outfit: A cotton dress with my hair pulled back by a matching headband. I was

afraid that if I wore something new and interesting, my classmates would notice the change, and

school would become even more intolerable.

It turns out that surgery wasn’t the answer for my anxiety like I thought with my frog.

Instead, it took two years of intense treatment and medication. Although I suffered in silence for

years, I don’t see the disorder I had as something negative. Instead, I choose to embrace the

problem that I used to have. In an attempt to help educate those who don’t understand, I speak at

conferences around the country in front of treatment professionals, teachers, and parents. I wrote

a book entitled Unspoken Words that is directed towards children with SM. I wrote it to educate

others, but mainly to help those kids who suffer from SM feel understood. Many professionals

may try to help a child with Selective Mutism, but only someone who had it can fully understand

how it feels to be mute.

One of the worst aspects of having an anxiety disorder that causes you to be afraid to talk

is not being able to explain yourself. Every day, I felt so misunderstood and judged. Because I

couldn’t speak for myself, everyone would just assume the worst in me. Now that I can speak, I

make sure that my voice is free of judgment. I know that everyone has battles within themselves

that they might not let others see. Everyone deserves the right to have a chance to show who they

are before being placed into a category based only on what’s on their surface. By sharing my

story and learning from my own experience, I hope that I can help those who are just like I was,

frozen with fear.