SOC200SOC200Marriage and FamilyMarriage and Family

WORKSHOP 3WORKSHOP 3

““The Family Life Cycle”The Family Life Cycle”Instructor: Glenn JohnsonInstructor: Glenn Johnson

Devotions & PrayerDevotions & Prayer99 Two are better than one, because they have a good  Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: return for their work: 1010 If one falls down, his friend  If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has

no one to help him up! no one to help him up! 1111 Also, if two lie down  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? warm alone? 1212 Though one may be overpowered,  Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIVEcclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV

What is God’s intention for each person within a family?

TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference Does Marriage Make?Does Marriage Make?

Marriage brings challenges to IDENTITY and Marriage brings challenges to IDENTITY and COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION

IMPORTANT CHANGES THAT BEING MARRIED IMPORTANT CHANGES THAT BEING MARRIED WILL MAKEWILL MAKESelf ImageSelf Image

Partner RelationshipPartner RelationshipRelationships to OthersRelationships to Others

Legal ChangesLegal Changes

TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference Does Marriage Make?Does Marriage Make?

TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference Does Marriage Make?Does Marriage Make?

CHANGES TO SELF IMAGECHANGES TO SELF IMAGE

Married people take on NEW PATTERNS of Married people take on NEW PATTERNS of thinking about themselvesthinking about themselves

SPOUSE becomes an SPOUSE becomes an extended self or extended self or

extended conscienceextended conscience

Changes the way people spend TIME and Changes the way people spend TIME and MONEYMONEY

TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference Does Marriage Make?Does Marriage Make?

CHANGES IN THE RELATIONSHIPCHANGES IN THE RELATIONSHIP

DISENCHANTMENT in early yearsDISENCHANTMENT in early years

TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference Does Marriage Make?Does Marriage Make?

CHANGES IN THE OTHER RELATIONSHIPSCHANGES IN THE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

You do indeed MARRY THE FAMILY…You do indeed MARRY THE FAMILY…

TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference Does Marriage Make?Does Marriage Make?

CHANGES IN THE OTHER RELATIONSHIPSCHANGES IN THE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

PROXIMITY TO SPOUSE’S FAMILY OF ORIGINPROXIMITY TO SPOUSE’S FAMILY OF ORIGINNEGOTIATIONS are neededNEGOTIATIONS are needed

TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference TO MARRY OR COHABIT: What Difference Does Marriage Make?Does Marriage Make?

LEGAL CHANGESLEGAL CHANGES

Specific Laws: Property and DebtSpecific Laws: Property and Debt

DISADVANTAGES OF LIVING TOGETHER DISADVANTAGES OF LIVING TOGETHER WITHOUT MARRIAGE:WITHOUT MARRIAGE:

-No jointly held insurance, tax advantages or -No jointly held insurance, tax advantages or other benefits; living expenses may be higherother benefits; living expenses may be higher

PARENTING ISSUESPARENTING ISSUES

GOAL OF PARENTINGGOAL OF PARENTING

What is the Goal?What is the Goal?

For children to mature into healthy, For children to mature into healthy, independent, productive, self-independent, productive, self-

disciplined, competent members of disciplined, competent members of society society

PARENTING ISSUESPARENTING ISSUES

DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUESDEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES

For children to mature into healthy, For children to mature into healthy, independent, productive, self-independent, productive, self-

disciplined, competent members of disciplined, competent members of society society

6 Stages of Parenting Ellen

Galinsky

1. Parental Image Stage2. Nurturing Stage3. Authority Stage

4. Interpretive Stage5. Interdependent Stage

6. Final Stage

PARENTING ISSUESPARENTING ISSUES

BOUNDARY TRANSITIONS FOR NEW BOUNDARY TRANSITIONS FOR NEW PARENTSPARENTS

Family and FriendsFamily and FriendsThe MarriageThe Marriage

Work and FamilyWork and FamilyRolesRoles

New Areas of ConflictNew Areas of Conflict

PARENTING ISSUESPARENTING ISSUES

PARENT/ADOLESCENT RELATIONSHIPPARENT/ADOLESCENT RELATIONSHIP

ADOLESCENCE: a ADOLESCENCE: a construct of the 20construct of the 20thth

centurycentury

ERIC ERICKSON: a ERIC ERICKSON: a time of crisis when time of crisis when young people must young people must develop a sense of develop a sense of personal identity personal identity

while avoiding role while avoiding role confusionconfusion

PARENTING ISSUESPARENTING ISSUES

CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECTCHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT

Causes are not well understoodCauses are not well understood

PARENTING ISSUESPARENTING ISSUES

TIPS FOR MORE EFFECTIVE PARENTINGTIPS FOR MORE EFFECTIVE PARENTING

ConsistencyConsistencyConsequencesConsequences

Children Need ChoicesChildren Need ChoicesChildren Need To Know What’s Expected of ThemChildren Need To Know What’s Expected of Them

Discipline Must Fit The CrimeDiscipline Must Fit The CrimeDo Not ThreatenDo Not Threaten

Remain CalmRemain CalmDo Not Expect a Young Child Who Is Hungry/Tired to Do Not Expect a Young Child Who Is Hungry/Tired to

Remember Rules or Obey Them Remember Rules or Obey Them Curfews: Older Children Can Be Involved In Determining Curfews: Older Children Can Be Involved In Determining

When to Be HomeWhen to Be HomeKnow Childrens Friends and Their ParentsKnow Childrens Friends and Their Parents

NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY DEVELOPMENTDEVELOPMENT

-William Nichols: 4 Stages in Marital Life -William Nichols: 4 Stages in Marital Life Cycle & The Changes Needing to Take Cycle & The Changes Needing to Take

Place in Each Stage Across the MarriagePlace in Each Stage Across the Marriage

Identified These As CORE TASKS Grouped Identified These As CORE TASKS Grouped in 5 Areasin 5 Areas

1.1. CommitmentCommitment2.2. CaringCaring

3.3. CommunicationCommunication4.4. Conflict/CompromiseConflict/Compromise

5.5. ContractContract

NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY DEVELOPMENTDEVELOPMENT

STAGE 1: THE BEGINNING-Mating and STAGE 1: THE BEGINNING-Mating and MarriageMarriage

CORE TASKSCORE TASKS

-Development of affectionate and sexually -Development of affectionate and sexually satisfactory relationshipsatisfactory relationship

-Determining if there is a sufficient -Determining if there is a sufficient amount of caring to proceed to amount of caring to proceed to

marriagemarriage

NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY DEVELOPMENTDEVELOPMENT

STAGE 2: EARLY YEARS-Expanding the STAGE 2: EARLY YEARS-Expanding the BaseBase

CORE TASKSCORE TASKS

-Deepening Loyalty To One Another-Deepening Loyalty To One Another

NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY DEVELOPMENTDEVELOPMENT

STAGE 3: MIDDLE YEARS: Affirmation & STAGE 3: MIDDLE YEARS: Affirmation & PreparationPreparation

CORE TASKSCORE TASKS

-Maintaining solid couple boundary and -Maintaining solid couple boundary and bondbond

-Communication and conflict resolution-Communication and conflict resolution

NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY NICHOL’S STAGES OF FAMILY DEVELOPMENTDEVELOPMENT

STAGE 4: LATER YEARS-Consolidation STAGE 4: LATER YEARS-Consolidation and Celebrationand Celebration

CORE TASKSCORE TASKS

-Support in search for meaning and -Support in search for meaning and remaining productive member of remaining productive member of

societysocietyWELL-BEINGWELL-BEING

-2030: 65 and older=20% of population-2030: 65 and older=20% of population

-50% of those 65-69 say it’s best years-50% of those 65-69 say it’s best years

MID-LIFE: CRISIS OR TRANSITION?MID-LIFE: CRISIS OR TRANSITION?

MONUMENT IN MODERN AMERICAN MONUMENT IN MODERN AMERICAN SOCIETYSOCIETY

MID-LIFE: CRISIS OR TRANSITION?MID-LIFE: CRISIS OR TRANSITION?

SIGNS OF A MID-LIFE TRANSITIONSIGNS OF A MID-LIFE TRANSITIONQuestioning meaning of lifeQuestioning meaning of life

General discontent with one’s lifestyle that has General discontent with one’s lifestyle that has previously provided happinesspreviously provided happiness

Confusion about who one is and where one’s life is Confusion about who one is and where one’s life is goinggoing

Questioning decisions that were made in the pastQuestioning decisions that were made in the pastGreatly increased or decreased ambition or driveGreatly increased or decreased ambition or drive

Boredom or discontent with people or activities that Boredom or discontent with people or activities that have been previously enjoyedhave been previously enjoyed

Day dreaming, irritability or unexpected anger that is Day dreaming, irritability or unexpected anger that is different that earlier lifedifferent that earlier life

Feeling adventurous with the desire to do something Feeling adventurous with the desire to do something completely differentcompletely different

Giving in to alcohol, food or drug compulsionsGiving in to alcohol, food or drug compulsionsGreatly increased or decreased sexual desire with Greatly increased or decreased sexual desire with

sexual affairs especially with someone much youngersexual affairs especially with someone much younger

MID-LIFE: CRISIS OR TRANSITION?MID-LIFE: CRISIS OR TRANSITION?

MENOPAUSEMENOPAUSEBoth men and women go through Both men and women go through

hormonal changes that affect them hormonal changes that affect them physically and emotionally, signalling physically and emotionally, signalling the end of one’s reproductive years.the end of one’s reproductive years.

BOWEN THEORYBOWEN THEORY

Dr. Murray BowenDr. Murray Bowen(Refer to attachment in email)(Refer to attachment in email)

Came to discover the family Came to discover the family as and EMOTIONAL UNITas and EMOTIONAL UNIT

1.      Triangles2.      Nuclear (or Core) Family Emotional Process3.      Family Projection Process4.      Multigenerational Transmission Process5.      Differentiation6.   Sibling Position7.      Emotional Cutoff8.      Emotional Process in Society