Skills that Build, Enhance or Maintain Self-Respect

Part 1

Week Seven

Topics

• The “Big Five” Trait Factors and Subjective Well Being

• Mindfulness (Consciousness)

• Self-Evaluation Skills

• Giving and Receiving Constructive Feedback

Re-Visiting the Definition ofSelf-Respect

• Self-Respect– The conviction that our life and well-

being are worth acting to support, protect, and nurture

– Assurance of my value– Confidence in our right to be

successful and happy• Joy and fulfillment are my natural birthright

– The feeling of being worthy and deserving

The “Big Five” Trait Factors and Subjective Well Being• OCEAN

– Openness to experience– Conscientiousness– Extraversion– Agreeability– Neuroticism

The “Big Five” Trait Factors• Openness

– Inventive & curious vs. cautious & conservative

– Appreciation for art, emotion, adventure, unusual ideas, curiosity, and variety of experience.

• Conscientiousness– Efficient & organized vs. easy-going & careless

– A tendency to show self-discipline, act dutifully, and aim for achievement; planned rather than spontaneous behavior.

• Extroversion – Outgoing & energetic vs. shy & withdrawn

– Energy, positive emotions, urgency, and the tendency to seek stimulation in the company of others.

• Agreeableness – Friendly & compassionate vs. competitive & outspoken

– A tendency to be compassionate and cooperative rather than suspicious and antagonistic towards others.

• Neuroticism – Sensitive & nervous vs. secure & confident

– A tendency to experience unpleasant emotions easily, such as anger, anxiety, depression, or vulnerability.

Professor Harris’“Big Nine” Growth SkillsSkills I advocate for lifelong personal growth• Seek humility• Muster courage• Anticipate setbacks and imperfections• Foster hope• Operate with tenacity & persistence• Practice self-forgiveness• Build and maintain a support system• Ask for help• If none of these work, then let it go and find

peace about it

Mindfulness

Jon Kabat-Zinn– Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face

Stress, Pain, and Illness

• Above all, Mindfulness involves the regular, disciplined practice of moment-to-moment awareness or mindfulness, the complete "owning" of each moment of your experience, good, bad, or ugly.

• One way to look at meditation is as a kind of intrapsychic technology that's been developed over thousands of years by traditions that know a lot about the mind/body connection

• Kabat-Zinn states: the normal state of mind is severely suboptimal. It's more asleep than awake. The mind is someplace else, and the body is here. In that state, you can't function at your best. The mind that has not been developed or trained is very scattered. That's the normal state of affairs, but it leaves us out of touch with a great deal in life, including our bodies.

• Mindfulness techniques include– Listening to your own breathing– Observing your own mind

Self-Evaluation Skills

• Elements for Helpful Self-Evaluation– Conduct self-evaluation with purpose &

mindfulness– Evaluate without judgment– Practice the skills to develop more

accurate appraisals in the future– Validate with reflection and feedback

loops– Evaluation is only helpful when it

results in action or behaviors• Using the “Siskel & Ebert” model

Giving and Receiving Constructive Feedback

• Elements for Helpful Feedback– Seek humility– Muster courage– Consider the source– Utilize tools that limit vulnerability

• Assertion skills• Suspend judgment• Practice self-forgiveness

– Ask the right questions• “We deserve the answers we get, based upon the

questions we ask”• Risk level should reflect existing level of intimacy and

trust– Be willing to shelve or discard feedback that is

unconstructive or not a fit

Exercise: Johari Window

• How open are you to feedback from others?“Humility is…

accepting the possibility

that someone else knows something about you

that you don’t know about yourself”

• Johari Window measures two scales– The practice of soliciting (seeking)

feedback– Willingness to self-disclose