skateboarding is for everyone › wp-content › ... · i never went back. i haven't lived...

qualifyfortheOlympics,hitupsomeslalomorlayonyourbackanddo60mphdownamountain.Rideacheappopwithheattransferredgraphicsorbuildyourownboardsandscreenyourowngraphics...Buildaramp,cleanaditchorwaxtheshitoutofsomethingandtellalltheoldmentofuckoff...Hell,youcanevenbuyyourshitfromZumiezifyouwantbecause.Skateboardingisours.

Thomas stansburY

SKATEBOARDING IS FOR EVERYONE:

THE FAT KIDS THE BLACK KIDS THE WASHED-OUT WHITE KIDS THE RIPPERS THE FAGS THE KOOKS THE JOCKS OLD DUDES WITH HERNIAS AND BUM KNEES PARKINSONS DISEASED TIME-TRAVELERS THE LEAD-POISONED CITY KID WHO KEEPS FORGETTING HIS NAME THE BIKERS THE STUDENTS BURN-OUTS TURNED-OUTS THE CAN'T-SEEM-TO-FIGURE-IT-OUTS THE ART SCHOOL KIDS NO SCHOOL KIDS OLD SCHOOL KIDS LITTLE GIRLS BIG GIRLS THE RIGHT-WINGERS AND LEFT-WINGERS JERRY-SPRINGERS AND MIDDLE-FINGERS THE HAS-BEENS AND THE NEVER-BEENS SKATEBOARDING IS FOR EVERYONE WHO LOVES TO SEE OR FEEL THE MAGIC OF FLYING THREE INCHES OFF THE GROUND...

COME SKATE WITH US FICKLESKATEBOARDS.COM

Hazy Shade of Stupid

IthasbeenfourmonthssinceweallgatheredinAustinforStupidFest.Iamstillonahighfromitand,well,Ikindofhavetobe.Sincethen,Ihavehadtwosessions.That'sit.ItstartedtogetcoldhereNovember1standitsnowedNovember9th.OnNovember19th,Isnappedsomeribsinacaraccidentandithaseitherbeenbelowfreezingorsnowingsince.Ithasbeenatestofmywill.INEEDTOSKATE.Atthesametime,ithasletmeconcentrateonNeverWasfortheupcomingyear.Welaunchedthewebsite,neverwaskateboarding.cominlateNovemberandhavehadasteadystreamofarticles,photosandinterviews.Editingisalreadyunderwayfortheyet-to-be-titledthirdvideo.StupidFestplanningisinfullswing.WehaveaddedabonusdayattheEZ-7ditchinHoustonthisyear.Itisgoingtobeagreattime.Speedingintotheendofthefirstquarteroftheyearisgettingmereadytogetoutandfilmsometricks.ThismaybemylastvideoforallIknow.Wearen'tgettinganyyounger.Mybagoftrickshasaholeinthebottom.Iammakingitmymissiontogetsomenewandhopefullynotembarrassingstufftoshow.IjustwantedtotakethetimeagaintothankeveryoneinvolvedwiththeFacebookgroup,thewebsiteandplanningforStupidFest.YouaretherealMVPs.YouhavetakenthisexiledtoKansasdudeandmadehimfeellikefamily.ItmeansmorethanIcouldeversay.So,hereweare,thefourthNeverWas'zine.Buckleup.Readup.IwillseeyouallinOctober,hopefullysomeofyousooner.

Skateboarding is ours I'vebeen100%cleanandsoberforalmost14yearsnow,butIstillgethigheverytimeIsteponaskateboard.It'srelativeimportanceinMYgrandschemeofthings,probablymakeslittleornosensetomostpeople,buthonestly,Iknowsomethingthattheydon't.Adrinkafteraroughday,apilltodealwithmyfeelings,therapysessions,religiouspractices...Nothanks,I'lljusthaulassandputmytrucksonsomeconcrete.Notheretodownanyonewhoimbibesorpracticesorfindssolaceinanyofthesethings,justtheopposite.Youdoyou,Ihavemyskateboard.IthinkthethingIlovemostaboutskateboardingisthatIgettodecidewhatitis,whereithappensandwhoisincluded.SomedaysI'mallabouthangingatthespotwiththehomies.SometimesI'mpushingmyselftolandthattrick,theonethat'srightattheveryedgeofmyabilities.Andthenagain,Imightjustwanttorolldownthesidewalkorthestreetbymyself,andafatollieor360shuvcouldn'tbefurtherfrommymind.It'swhatever...Iwantittobe.It'snotforyou.It'smine.JustgotbackfromlettingtheHuskiesdragmedownthesidewalkforawhile...Thefunnythingisthough,theweirdkindofdichotomy,isthatskateboardingisn'treallymine,it'syours.AsI'vegottenolder,itseemsthatIhavetostaveoffthisalmostinnatetendencyI'vedevelopedtojudgeothersforhoworwhatorwheretheyskate.IwanttothinkthatI'vegottenitallfiguredout,justbecauseitisprettymuchtheonlythingI'vedonewithanyreallyconsistency,for75%ofmylife.Skateboardingis...Whatever.Youwantittobe.It'syoursandyoursalone.SoflippidydodasomeshitIwon'teverknowthenamefor,

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packedsomeclothesandleftandtoldhimthatwasthelasttimehe'deverhitme.Hetoldmeyou'rethrowingitallaway,thatIhadtalentandIwasmakingthewrongdecision.Ineverwentback.Ihaven'tlivedwithmydadsince.IjustrecentlyfoundoutmydadwasdiagnosedwithfullblownAlzheimer’sanddementia.IalwayswantedtotalktohimaboutthatdaybutIneverdid.Now,Ican't.I'mnotevensureifhereallyremembersmewhenwetalk.Ineverhadafather-sonrelationshipwithhimbuthe'smydadandIlovehimandnowthatI'molderIrealizewhatatotalassholeIwastoohim.Ihadjustasmuchtodowithourshittyrelationshipashedid.Itrytodoeverythingformysonthatmydaddidn'tdoforme.Inthatway,itmademeabetterdad.Iwastedsomanyyearsasanadultbeingadrugaddictandatotalfailure,whenIcouldhavebeengettingtoknowmydad.Pleasehugyourparents,yourkids,aunts,uncles,cousins,andletthemknowyoulovethem.Becauseonedayyouwon'tbeabletoandwishyoudid.

Sean Hackett rips.Hislifeshouldbeamovie.Ithasalittlebitofeverythingandsomeofitisrighthere.ImetSeanatastoplightinAustin.HewaslookingforStupidFest.Hefoundus.Wegotstupid.

An old rats tail HaikuToooldforthattoyNevertoolatetogrowoldMaybetomorrow

Cheffreydahmer666

Band of Stupid NoteverypersonI’veplayedinabandwithskates,andnothaseveryskaterI’veeverknownplayedmusic,butasfarbackasIcanremember,thetwothingshavegonehandinhand.There’sjustsomethingaboutcreatingslightlyorganizednoisetatseemstoresonatewiththesamepeoplethatliketomakedumbwoodenrollysticksdefythelawsofphysics.IstartedskateboardingwhenIwas12andgotmyfirstinstrument,aWestoneDynastyBass,whenIwas15.ThemusicIlearnedwasrudimentarypunkstuff,andwasofteninformedbythesongsthatIheardonskatevideos.(fIREHOSE,anyone?).AlthoughI’vehaddormantperiodsinbothmyskateboardingandmusicallivessincethen,whatwith30+yearsbeingalotof

timeforebb&flow,I’vealwaysgravitatedbacktoboth.

Sure,mystyleshavechangedinbothasIgotolderandmore“nuanced”,butbothneverfailtobringasmiletomyface,connectmewithgoodpeople,andgivemeachancetointeractwithothersthatImightneverhavemetinanyothercircumstances.Isthisreallyaboutskateboarding?Probablynot,butIknowenoughotherskaterswiththesamestorythatIthinkit’sapropos.So,afteryoureadthis,headtotheNeverWaspageandleaveacommentabouthowmusicandskateboardinghavebeenintertwinedinyourlife.It’llbefun!

Jason Rennisarockerandarollerandthebeardedladyofmanyasideshow.Inhissparetime,hecollectsregretsinanoldshoebox.Hisbeardhashealingpowers.Cacao.

Ididn'tevenknowaboutit,Ididn'tthinktheywoulduseanyofthephotos.Idon'tknowwhytheychoseme,butformydad,Iwasstokedtheydid.Helooksatmeandsaid,thatwasprettyamazingwhatyoudidatyourdemo.Isaid,“YEAH”?Hesaid,“Yeah.Now,whatthehelldoyouwant”?That'smydad.Ifinallyimpressedhim,IshowedhimIwascommitted,thatIdidhaveatalentforasportevenifhedidn'tapprove.ThatIwasgoodatsomethingeventhoughIwasfailingateverythingelseIdid.IputeverythingIhadintoit,andIgotsomuchoutofitandIthinkheknewthat.Whenmygirlfriendgotpregnantinhighschool,Idroppedoutofhighschoolandshegotmetoquitskating.MyeighteenthbirthdaymydadandIgotintoaprettybrutalfistfight.ItoldhimshewaspregnantandIwasdroppingouttoworkfulltime.Hewentnuts,wethrewdown,hewhoopedmyass,andI

legsyoudon'tclipthetopofthecar.MygotowashippietwistoveracarbutonceImisjudgedandclippedthecarhalfwaythroughthespin,anditwasreallyugly.Nothinglikedestroyingyourselfinfrontofacrowdofpeoplethataretheretowatchyoushowoff.Ihitthatrampsofast,andflewsohighandsofarthatitwastheperfectflow.Grab,pull,extendthelegs,andputitbackonyourfeetandstickthatbitch.ItdefinitelywasthebiggestoneIeverdid,andthelastandonlytimeIattempteditoveracar.Peoplewentnuts,myfriendswentnuts,anditisdefinitelyoneofmyfondestmemories.I'mlookingformydadamongstallthecommotion,andhe'sgettinginhiscarleaving,andIcan'tbelieveitbecausehesatthereandwatchedmedoit.Whatthefuck!?AcoupleofdayslaterIwentuptohisofficetogetmoneyorsomething,nowwhenIwalkedoutoftheelevator,everyoneknewwhoIwasbecausemydadwastheonlyguywhohadasonwithplatinumwhitehair,plaidbugleboysandaleatherjacket.Whenwalkinhisofficethereisalaminatednewspaperpagewithahugephotoofmedroppingin,kindofanin-motionshot.Itwassupercool.I'mstandingthere,lookingatthispicture,andIdon'tknowwhattomakeofit.Hesays,youlikethat?

The Act of Skating ThisistheexactkindofpictureofmyselfthatIlikebecauseit'shardtobesurewhat'sgoingonorwhoIam.IfyoulookcloseryoumightnoticedetailslikethatI'minawarehouseorthatIamriding215'sbutyouwillnotknowwhoIamorwhat(forsure)thatI'mdoing.BackthenIskatedalonealotandthatmademefeellikeanoutsiderthoughIhelpedbuildtherampinthepictureandIhelpedpayforthespacewhereitwaslocated.Iwasn'tseparatedfromthescene.IwasverywellawareofitanddidwhatIcouldtoshapeandsteerittomyliking.Asoftoday,afabulouslycoldandshittywinterday,it'sbeenalmost7monthssinceIlastskated,orlastdidanythingeasily.Anything,ofcourse,beingthingslikewalking,openingacan,cuttingfruit,orevenzipping(orunzipping)pants.Thisdistance,whichwon'tlikelyendsoonorwithoutafight,hasgivenmeasenseofseparationthatisnotfarofffromfreedom.Ihavebecomedisconnectedbecauseit'snoteveneasytowatchskateboardingatthispoint.IthinkIwillgetbackonaboardinduetimebutifandwhenthathappensIjustwon'tbethesame.Iwillapproachtheentireactofskatingdifferently.WeallsaythisbutIfinallydon'tthinkI'llcareonebitaboutwhatmaneuverImightormightnotbedoing.Iusedtolosesleepwithsuchfretting.Ican'tseemyselfcaringaboutmyboardthatmuch.ThatisnottosayIamgoingtostartridingsomemass-producedgoldmedalfetchingbig,blandboardbutfranklyIusedtotreatmycuesalmostliketheywerepets.No,it'sawoodenthing,it'sgoingtogetdirtyandwornoutandleftinthecarandeventuallydestroyed.Imightevenforgetoneattheparkafterasession!Iwon'treadormissreadinganyskateboardingmagazines.Thesepublicationshavegreat

photosoftenbutI'veseenenoughandIwillseefromnowon,ifIlookatall,realpeopleskatinginfrontofmeinsteadofmesittingonthetoiletlookingatphotosofkidsjumpingoffroofs.PeoplearelivingtheirlivesallaroundthisworldandIwillbetakingthatforgranted.Liveitupworld,asyouwill,andIwilldothesame.Wedon'tneedourpicturestaken.

Iwon'tberudebutIwon'tholdmytongueorbebotheredbywhatothersmightthinkofme.Thereisnogoldmedal,starofvalor,oranyother"legacy"thatIamseekingorprotecting.Iwon'tbeafraidtovibeyououtofmysessionifyouareoneofthosefolkswho'velostmyrespectbutchancesarethatI'lljustadjustmyscheduleorlocationinthesesituations.Unless,ofcourse,peoplemakethatimpossibleinwhichcaseI'dliketosuggestthatcertainpeople,andthey'llknowwhotheyare,oughttoconsiderleavingontheirownvolitionwhilethatremainspossible.IsaythisbecauseinmyabsenceI'veseenplentyofevidenceofpeopletreatingourparkswithcontemptanddisrespect.That,unfortunately,isveryoffensivetome.So,lookoutdumbasses,becauseifImakeitbackI'llbefitasafiddleandeagertoenjoy.Don'tbummeout.

photographus.Terrytookthemtotheskatecityrampwhichwasonlyriddenbyusandafewothers.Thisis1986,therampwas24feetwide,6feethighwith8foottransitionsandextensionswithpoolcoping.Wealsohada4footlaunchwith7foottransitionsthatwasreallylonganditwouldputyouupandoveralmostanything.We'redoingthelaunchrampthingoveracar!Mydadshowsup.Igooverandaskhimwhat'supandhesaysIjustcametoseewhatyoudo.NowI'msuperstoned,pumped,andIwasinthezonehavingagooddemo,soIdecidedIwasgoingtoblowhismindandItoldhim,“Heydadcheckthisout”.IdecideI'mgoingtoChristAiroverthiscar.

Now,IcoulddothembutInevertriedonethatbig.Nottheoverthehood,straightoverthetopofthecar.IgoasfarbackasIcanintheparkinglotandblastoff.Atthispoint,IhavenodoubtthatIcouldmakeit,butIhadtomakeitbecausehe'swatching.EveryoneknowsI'mgoingbigbecauseofwhereIstartedandhowfastIwasgoing.ToChristAiroveracar,yourfeethavetobeatleastabout7ftupsowhenyouextendyour

apparentlyallOwens's,causedlocallawenforcementtocloseofftheentranceandordercitizenstoremainindoors.Nooneknowswhodidthisorwhy,buttherewerebafflingcluesleftonthecorpses.Oneachone'schestwasapeculiarlocket,insidewhichwasapictureofawomanwhosomebelievetobethelikenessofHighPriestessMamieWinthorpe,who,astheolderfolksofthistownmayremember,causedthewidespreadbloodsicknessof1862.Onelastcluehaspolicemystified.Anote,writtenbyCurtisWinthorpe,apparentlyinaveryshakyhand.Hereisanexcerptfromit:"IdosolemnlyswearuponthegraveofmygreatgrandmotherMamieWinthorpe,tovigilantlyrelocatetheremainsofthemissingtoalessunholysiteastheirfinalplaceofrest.MayGodgrantthattheyliestill."

Jacob Berrymanlivesnearasunnybeachandyethewritestalesofdarknessandthehumancondition.Hegrindsstuff,loudly,forfunandhastheabilitytotalktobirdsinseverallanguages.Hiscoffinridesarethethingoflegend.

Real Life WhenIwasakid,mydadbeatthecrapoutofallofusandhewasaveryangryman.HehatedthatIwasaskateboarderandnotajockplayingfootball.HehatedthewayIdressed,acted,hehatedmyfriendsandthemusicIlistenedto.HeknewIrodeforashopandIwasgettingflowedbuthejustwasn'tinterested.InElPaso,therewereveryfewskaters.Memyfivefriendsweredoingdemosandalotofpeopleshowed,andwewouldberecognizedwhereverwewent.Soeasytogetlaidbackthen.Thelocalpapercalledtheshopandsaidtheywantedto

IfeellikeIneededtocrashbefore.IneededtoletitgoforwhileandIcouldn'tdoitsonowitsgottendoneforme.It'soutofmyhands.WeallknowtherisksandIdon'tknowhowmyinjuriescomparetoothersbutIamprettysurethatIcameasclosetoChristopherReevingmyselfasispossiblewithoutactuallydoingit.I'vehadtostepback,andmaybeitsnotyourturntodosoyet,butitsnotthatbadoncethedustsettles.I'venoticednewthings.Birdsforexample,they'refuckingamazing,andnowIhavetimetositandwatchthem.Iamnotallhunkydoryaboutbeingsidelinedbuttheonlywaytogetoutofitistoacceptthatitscomingforallofusatsomepointandtostartpushinginasmanydifferentdirectionsaspossible.Angeraboutbeinghurtisanaturalresponsethoughnowit'salmostlikeI'vebeensetadrift.Hopefullythisfreedomtowonderwillleadtointerestingprogress.Asforthesceneandskateboardingingeneral?Well,likeeveryoneelse,IgaveitmytwocentsandI'mcontenttolettherestofyouhaveyourwaywithitaslongas...wellnothing.Dowhatyouwanttoit.

Dan Overfieldbrokehisfreakin'neckwhenThe

Undertakerdroppedhim16'throughtheSpanishAnnounceTableatHellinaCell.Heisanall-aroundmensch.Weareluckytohavesomeonewhonotonlyunderstandsthehistoryofskateboardingbutalsoallthatthecultureentails.

The Joe Holderman Interview RennandIhadachancetopeppertheSleeperAgent,JoeHolderman,withafewquestions.Asyoumayrecall,JoecametoStupidFestandtoretheroofoffofthejoint.Wehadtogetintohismindalittlemore.Joeisamanofgreattaste.Heunderstandsgreatdesignandgreatbeverages.Ibethehasa

rugthatreallytiestheroomtogether.Sohereitis,theJoeHoldermanInterview.JR:What’syourfavoritetrickonyourbasementminihalf?JH:ProbablythatfakietosmithstallthingthatIdo.I’mnotgoodwithtricknames,butMakarskigotagoodpictureofmedoingitontheBamboorampduringSF.AndnowthatIthinkofit,youcouldusethatpicofmeifyouwant.Justcaptionit,“Fakie-do-hickeybyJoeH,photobyJoeM”.

JR:What’sitlikebeingthebetter-lookingdoppelgängerofPapaRenn?JH:ThemainproblemwithitisthatIreallyhatecarryinganumbrella,youknow,becauseit’srainingpussyallofthetime.Ihadjustcommentedtheotherdaythatmenwhocarry

"Weheardyouwas--"thefirstonebegan,beforehewascutoffbytheboomingvoiceofthemosthatedmaninGarlandville."Istandherebeforeyoumenrightnowtoconfess,IAMtheonewhodugupyourboss'schildren!ITWASME!!!AllmylifeI'vehadtotakeknowin'abouttheirdamnsecrets.Itain'tright!Theyweren'teverOwens'stobeginwith.Thosemurderin'horsethievin'sonsabitchesKIDNAPPEDTHEMKIDS!Andtheybeendoin'itforthepastfiftyfouryears!Generationaftergenerationofmissingbabies,GONE!!Andwhy?!!"Hetrembled,"I'lltellye,"Oneofthedrifterswasstruckdowninhistracks.Hefelllifelesstotheground,facedowninthesamepuddlehehadspatinto.Therewasablindingflashfromthesky,andthesmellofozoneburnedintheair."THEYWEREN'THUMAN!!!"Theothertwomenstoodmotionless,eyesbulgingoutoftheirsocketsindisbeliefatthesightoftheirpartnerlyingdeadinthestreet."Forallthelies,andallthemurders,IHOLDPORTIFOYOWENSANDALLHISKINACCURS"Forallthelies,andallthemurders,IHOLDPORTIFOYOWENSANDALLHISKINACCURSED!!"Thetwodriftersburstintoflames.FROMTHEGARLANDVILLEGAZETTEJanuary12,1962:ItwasabizarresceneattheShadyOaksCemeteryyesterdaymorning.Apparentvandalismwascommitted,whenthediscoveryoftheremainsofthirteenexhumedbodies,

Deardiary,Wokeupearlyagaintoday.Smokedacigar.Finishedoffthefinalbottleofwhiskey.Headstillswimmingfromlastnight,andthroatstillsore.Ablisteropenedonmylefthand,sothisishardtowrite.There'snoreasontokeephidingwhatI'vebeenupto.Thewifeandkidswillwonderwhathappenedthough.IhopetheytakethemoneyI'veleftthemandjustgobacktohermomma's.Theyain'tgonnawannabearoundtomorrow.I'msogladit'sfinallyabouttobeover.Hahaha!ThoseOwens'ssuredohaveasurprisewaitingforthem!ThebitterbloodbetweentheOwens'sandWinthorpe'swasasoldasthesoilonwhichthetownofGarlandvillewasbuilt,some175yearsprior.Typicaltaleofascandalouscoupling,ahiddenpregnancy,andasadmiscarriagewhichnoonewantedtotalkabout.Addtothattheunfortunatesceneinthetownchurchonthedayofthefuneral,andyouhaveonemiserableandhellbentdescendentreadytoputapermanentendtothefeud.PortifoyOwensdispatchedasmallposseofmenfromoutoftowntokeeptabsontheWinthorperanchforwellnearaweekandahalfnow.Theyneverhadanythingtoreporttotheoldpatriarch,andsomuchthebetterforCurt."Why'shewalkin'likethat?"askedoneofthemen."Don'tknowdon'tcare.""Youreckonhe'scarryin'?""That'dbeasafebet.""But,WHYishestaggerin'?"TherainpeltedthepavementasthethreedriftersstoodfacetofacewithCurtisWinthorpe.

umbrellasaremetro,sothosetwothingscombinedaremakingmemoreambiguousthanMorrissey.JR:So,tellmeaboutbourbon.Ihearitisaboringdrink.JH:Notatall.I’velivedinKentuckynowfor14years.IgotintoBourbonabout3-4yearsago.Atfirst,Ididn’tunderstanditbecauseitcanbesohot,alcohol-wise,butonceIlearnedthepropersippingtechnique,Ifoundthere’sawholelottoenjoy.Plus,thereareawholebunchofparallelstoskateboarding–itwasconceivedanddevelopedinAmerica,ithasbeenlegal,illegal,andinlatertimesembracedbythemasses.Thebestonesaremadeinsmallbatchesandlocally(tome)!Italsocandoyouharmandgetyouintroubleifyoudon’trespectit.BC:SomanypeoplecameuptousatStupidFestandasked"Whothehellisthatguy?Heisnothingbutstyle!"So,thereitis.Whothehellareyou?Howlonghaveyoubeenskating?Howareyournocompliessodamncrisp?JH:Areyousuretheyweretalkingaboutme?😊That’sabigquestion,soI’lltrynottorambleon.IstartedskatingwhenIwas13.ItwasthesummerbeforethefirstBatmanmoviecameout,soofcoursemyfirstboardwasaSMAJimThiebaud“Joker”,andyesImeanJoker,notVillain.Dayum!Ithadredstain;blueGullwingSuperProIII’s,Teamriderwheels,andGermanbearings.TheSwissweretooexpensive.Theskatersinmyareaweremostlyolderthanme,whichprobablymeansIgotintoitalittlelate,buthey,that’swhathappenswhenyougrowupincornfieldIndiana.ItseemstomethatthefirstskatevideoIeversawwasH-Street“ShackleMeNot”.Atthetime,Icouldn’tollieyetsono-compliesweresomethingIcouldlearnplusitwasaverytrendytrick.Soanyway,IguessthosetricksarereallypartofmycorebecauseIlearnedthosefirst,alongwithshove-itsandotherflatlandtricks–Indianawasripewithflatland,justaskRenn!Imostlyskatedinoneoftwosmall

towns–myfavoriteofwhichiswheremyGrandmalived,LaFontaineIndiana.ItwastherethatImetacouplekids,twins,namedDustinandEvanSnyder–andtheyskated…andtheyweregood!Soreallythe3ofusweretheonlyskatersinthattownforyearsandifI’manygoodoreverwasorNeverwas,itwasbecauseofthattimeinmylife,tryingtokeepupwiththem.

Webuiltamini-rampinmyGrandma’sbackyard,butthenheruncoololdladyneighborcomplainedaboutthenoiseandIhadtocutitupandburnit.TheonlytimeswewenttoaskateparkwasinFtWayne,ataplacecalledSweeney.Theirmomwasprettycoolandwouldtakeusupthereeverycoupleofweeks.ItwastheoneandonlyplaceIeverenteredacontest,andIstillhavemy2ndplacetrophy.Weskatedhardyear-rounduntilotherthingsstartedtotakeupmytime–cars,girls,pool(justlikeHensley),andthenwenttocollege.ButIalwayshadaboardandalwaysconsideredmyselfaskater,evenifthatwasn’twhatIwasdoingeveryday.Itwasanidentitything,atleastbackthen.Itwasaconsciousdecision–itmeantgiving

EversincethenI'vebeenthemosthatedmanintown.DamnshamenooneeverbotheredtoaskmewhyIhadtodoit.""Herehecomesnow,"saidthefirstdrifter.Hespatalargebrownwadofchawintoapuddlenearhisfeet.Itsplashedthere,andfloatedoff."ThatoleCurtfinallyseesreason."saidthesecond."Naw,heain'tgonnacomeclean.Ithinkthedamnfoolthinkshe'sgotusallchasinghislie.""Sowesticktotheplanthen?"saidthefirst."Westicktotheplan."Mythroathurts,andit'shardtobreathe.Ionlyneedtodigthreemorethough,andthejobwillbedone.Suchapityit'scometothis,thatIamhavingtodowhatwasjusttwoyearsagodamnablyunthinkable.Butasoflate,hasbecomeanecessity.Ipullthelastoneoutoftheground,situatethingsjustso,andgatherupmytools.I'mtired.Needtoheadhometobed.ThewifewillwonderwhereI'vebeen.Twodaysbefore,whileCurtisWinthorpewaspreparingforhisfinalactofvengeanceagainsttheOwensclan,BartOwensranoverPawshanks,themuttCurttookwithhimeverywherehewent.Hehadbeendrinking,andknewthemongrelwasedgingtooclosetotheroad,butheranhimdownjustthesame.ThatfuckingCurtandhisdamnhighideas.Barthadbeenwaitingfortherightoccasiontoputthathighhorsesonofabitchinhisplace,andnowhemighthave.Thatis,untilthediscoveryatthecemetery.January10,1962

undoing.Thosebastardsshouldneverhavecometothistown.Theirendisimminent.Todaytherewillbebloodshed.Andtomorrow?Justanotherheadline.Buttoday,ah...todayIthinkI'llgototownandsayhellotomyfriendsforthelasttime.""IsupposeitallstartedthedayIfoundthepoormangledcarcassofmyoldhuntingdogbythehighway.Thentherewerethebrickstheybrokeoutmywindowswith.Andthenotes.Seemsasthoughsomeonefinallycaughtwindofwhathappenedoutthereinthepinesthenightbefore."Aroundhere,weALWAYSrepayevilforevil.Thisisyouronlywarning."

upalotofthings,particularlysocially(notthatIwantedthosethings),butstillinawayitwaslikeasacrificethatweallmade–nobodywasencouragingustoskate–quitethecontrary–soIthinkthoseofuswhoskatedinthaterahaveaspecialbond,kindoflikeguyswhowenttowarorsomething,exceptweweren’theroes.Sothat’smyskatingbackground.Icouldgoonaboutit,butifyouskatedinthatera,well,youknowalready.BC:Doyouhaveaholygrailcarthatyouneedinyourgarage?JH:Yes.ItseemsthatIhavetoomanyinterests,right?I’masuckerforthingsthataretrulyAmericanandremindmeoftimeswhenthingsthatweremadeinAmericawerethebestintheworld.Ofcourse,a1980’sskateboardwouldfallintothatcategory,right?ButhonestlyI’mnotaboardcollector–noracarcollector(mywifemightdisagreewiththatstatement),atleastatthispoint.ButtherewasthiscompanyinAuburn,Indiana,ownedbyELCord–theyproducedAuburns,Cords,andDuesenbergs,whichmostpeopleassumeareGerman.Theywereconsideredtobethebestcarsintheworld–Hollywoodstarswouldhavethemcustommade.Anditjustgetsmeprettytearyeyedtothinkaboutthatmyhomestatemadethebestcarsintheworld(IguessIshouldmentionherethatIwenttoanautomotiveengineeringschoolandhavealwaysworkedforanautomakerduringandaftercollege).Allofthattosay,ifIcouldhaveanycarinmygarage,itwouldbea1936AuburnBoat-tailSpeedster.Ibetnobodyreadingthisevencaresaboutthat,exceptformaybeErikConn.😊BC:WhatcharacterfromtheBigLebowskiUniversebestexemplifieswhatitmeanstobeJoeHolderman?Icanonlyaspiretobeanyofthosecharacters.HopefullyI’monatrajectorythatputsmeinapositiontobetheDudebythetimeIretire,justreplacethewhiteRussianswithsomebourbon…andnofuckingStella.Butprobablyatthispointin

mylife,I’mjustDonnie–Ineedtoshutthefuckup!BC:Iwanttopitchapilottoyou.YouandRayNiemotkadriveacrosstheUSinaclassiccargettingintobarfightsandreviewingsmalltownnewspapers.Thetitleis,ofcourse"IBetYouDon'tEven".WoulditbemoreofaMartinandLewisroadmovie,TheOddCoupleorThelmaandLouisewithoutsomuchsuicide?

JH:First,IjustwannasaythatI’vealwaysbeenagainstThelmaandLouisebecauseoftheharshtreatmentofvehiclesportrayedinthatmovie.AndRaywouldn’tevenbeseducedbyayoungBradPitt.I’mnotsure,butIthinkwe’dbestexemplifythecharactersfromanoldmoviewithJamesTaylorandDennisWilson(yes,bothbettermusiciansthanactors)called“TwoLaneBlacktop”wheretwoguysdragraceacrossAmericaina1955Chevy.I’mnotevensurewhatthatmoviewasabout.I

walkinghistoryofskatingfromvarioustimeera’s.Likeeveryoneweareoutskatingbecauseweloveit.Igetaskedsomegoodquestionsfromtimetotimelike:Howhighcanyouollie?Ican’t.DidyoueverknowTonyhawkbecauseyouarebothold?No,Inevermethim.Canyoukickflipthatboat?Giveitatryifyouwant.Whatthehelldidyoudo?Dothatagain,letmetrythat.Whyisitnotworking?Placeyourhandonthegroundanddothiswhenyougoupthebank.Oh,manthatisrad.Thanks.

Eric Sandersisonlyparthuman.Therestofhimis

loreandplayandthepartsoftheworldthatsparkle.HeiskindofabigdealaroundherebecausetruthknowstruthandthereisnotapartofEricthatiscapableofanythingbut.HeisthetotemoftheCoffinKVLTandtohimwesayHAIL!

The Writers Workshop Inanefforttohighlightmorethanjustskateboarding,wearegoingtorunotherformsofmediaaswell.HereisanothergreathorrorsubmissionbyJacobBerrymanaccompaniedbysomeofhisoriginalart.Music,writing,art,thesearejustthetipofthecreativeicebergofwhichskateboardingisanaturalextension.

The Last Curse "Iawakenfromnonsensicaldreams,rubbingmyeyesasIlookformyglasses.Ifindthem,andmakemywaytotheshopwhichismysecondhomethesedays.Inside,thefamilysleeps.Outsideitisraining.Thecitynearbyisnotyetopenforbusiness,soImakemyplans.First,Iwritewhatwillbemylastdiaryentry.Then,Iunfurltheweaponwhichwillbemyfinal

Ihavebeencalled“oldschooldude”often.Iamjustaskateboardenjoyerwhoisolderthanmostaroundme.IfanythingI’dbea3rdwaveskateboarderifyouconsiderthemid1960’sthefirstwave,early1970’ssecondwave,whenIstartedin1977ishwouldbethirdwaveskater.Asfarasthepre,old,new,future,postgradschoolwellIhavethistosay.Ihaveskatedabitatgradeschools,JuniorHighandHighSchools,afewcollegesbefore.Myhighschoolhadlovelybanksbythebikerackandahappyhiddenditchbowl.

Thatisanothertalerightthere.Whenyouseethatoldskaterinsteadoffreakingontheirsetupandsurfstyleofskating.Talktothem.Alotofusare

betRaydoesn’teven,either.Butiftherewasacooloneandadreamyone,that’dbeusforsure.BC:WhostokedyououtthemostatStupidFest?Whatcanwedotogetyoutocomeagain?JH:Wow,that’satoughquestion,andbelievemeI’mwaypastsizingeveryoneupatthelocalspot.Ofcoursetherearealwaysrippers,andtheyalwaysrip.That’swhatthey’resupposedtodo.IfIcouldchangethewordstoketoencourage,whichiswhatstokesmenowatmyage,itwouldprobablybeguysImetforthefirsttime(andneverknewofbeforehand)likeErikandHowardandKiporJoeyCones.Thoseguysarefuntoskatewithandprobablyyou’rereallyonlyseeingaglimpseofwhatthey’veeverdone–youcankindatell,Ithink,ifyouknowwhatImean.Andthattypeofexperiencewouldbringmebackagain,too.BC:HaveyoueverwokeupinacoldsweatinthemiddleofthenightwithanincredibleurgetoslapJamesHetfieldformakinganyalbumafter...andJusticeForAll?JH:NobutIshouldhave.TheywentsoftwiththeBlackAlbum.Changemymind!Iguessthey’restillbetterthanmost,butquitedisappointing.IguessI’vewentsoft,too–gonebacktotheNewWave/Alternativeeramorethananything.Mybasementmini-rampgo-totapesareTheSmiths,withalittleREMandFirehosethrowninforgoodmeasure.BC:Whatareyouridingthesedays?Areyouaquiverguyoraone-size-fits-allrider?JH:Notaquiverguy.Imean,Ihaveafewsetupsbutthey’rejustwhateverImostrecentlyrode.StayingwithmyAmericanmade,localmade,craftsmancredo,smallbatchwhateveryouwanttocallit,afellowKentuckian–SteveCoystartedpressing

boardsunderthetutelageofLewRoss(atleastIthinkhedid)sothat’swhatI’vebeenridingpost-SF.ThenameofhiscompanyisSC-DC,IbelievetheDCpartishisdad,whichisprettycool.I’dliketogetStevetocomeouttoSFnexttime–maybethat’smyanswertoyourearlierquestion–ifyoucangetStevetocome,I’llcome!😊

Old and Still Rolling Youseeusatthepark.Youknowtheskaterwhoisstretchingaswepadupfromheadtotoe.Ourboardslooklikethesizeofanaircraftcarrier.Someofuswilljustcarveallovertheplace.Othersmayfindthatonesketchyspotinthebowltogetamicroedgeron.Somehavebeenonaboardsince1964,othersmayhavestartedabitlaterinthe1970’s.Thisisaboutbeingapartofthisgroup.“Hey,Ericlet’sgoskate?”“Givemeabout45tohourandI’llseeyouthere.”Attimesitdoestakethatlongtolimberup/stretchthesoremuscles.AfterthestretchandacheitistimeformybuddyAspercreme,tobeslappedontoreallynotbendingwellarea’sliketherightshoulderforexample.Then,itisgatherupthepads.Nowthebigdecisiontimeapproaches:WhatboardwillIplayontoday?WhereamIskating?DamnIknowthatonehasthewheelsIwanttouse,yetthisoneneedsriding.Argggh.Thisispartofgettingabitolderandstillhavethatpassiontoskate.Thedaysofgrababoardandflyoutthedoorhellbentandhammerdownarewaybehindme.Iknowthesaladdaysofpushingalldayandskating22spotsarenothappeningnow.AgoodhourorsoofskatingandIamnearspentandreadytorest.Duringthe6ditches,3parks,in3daysthatwasStupidfestIhadtoskateabitandrest.Skateabitanddrinkagallonofwater.Stretchanewkinkandskatealittle.TryaWhirlin'GiggleratPossumJawfollowedbysitdownandtalkwithLewwhileMaggieispromotingherditchshirts.Sidenotewhenthesearereadyforsalegetonetheyrule

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