signature quotes

8/9/2019 Signature Quotes

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http://www.webtapestries.com/brad/sigquotes.html

IntroThis is my collection of signature quotes as of November 16, 1999. They change as often as I change my mind; I find new ones all the time, especially from the mailing list "A Word A Day" (I recommend it for that).For those who don't know the term, a signature quote is a quote that can fit on

one or two lines, so you can add it to the end of an email.

I will start with my own quotes; I had been doing this for years before it occurred to me that I have things to say that are as good as any of these signature quotes, and I have a right, nay, a duty to say them. I've divided the rest into categories, arbitrarily. Here's the list, so you can miss a whole bunch of good ones by not browsing them all:

My own sayingsProverbs from all overZen, Taoist and philosophical quotesFunny quotes

Zippy the PinheadSupreme Irony

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My Own SayingsIf it was easy, everybody would be doing it.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Humans are the only creatures that appreciate irony...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you wish to convince people of something, it is more useful to be entertaining than to be right.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Greatness is difficult to appreciate from close up. The great mountain on the horizon is only the ground when you are standing on it.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Surely thou jivest...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------A major source of conflict in the world is the common misconception that words can be true or false.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Actually, there is such a thing as a free lunch; it's just that few of us are ri

ch enough to get to see it.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------There are a lot of judgemental people in the world, and I think all those peopleare worthless dirtballs.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciateshow difficult it is.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------To affirm that every person has inherent worth and dignity is an understatementas great as saying that Bill Gates has some money.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------There is much that cannot be understood by the poor soul that thinks words are the same as thoughts.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------If you never fail, you're not trying hard enough.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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**> Never let a computer see you hurry.


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The superior person uses his mind like a mirror: it accepts all, it reflects all. It recieves, but it does not keep.Chuang Tzu--------------------------------------------------------------------------------We cannot be more sensitive to pleasure without being more sensitive to pain.Alan Watts--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Web site you seekcannot be located.But endless others exist.

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The Tao that is seenis not the true Tao, untilyou bring fresh toner.

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Stay the patient course.Of little worth is your ire;the network is down.

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Why not seize the pleasure at once? How often is happiness destroyed by preparation, foolish preparation!Jane Austen--------------------------------------------------------------------------------If you can get nothing better out of the world, get a good dinner out of it, atleast.Herman Melville (in Moby Dick)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------If you must argue, remember that it is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.William Gibbs McAdoo--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of som

eone else's.Billy Wilder--------------------------------------------------------------------------------In the world, there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong, nothing can surpass it.Lao Tzu--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one toblame.Erica Jong--------------------------------------------------------------------------------All our words are but crumbs that fall down from the feast of the mind.Kahlil Gibran--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.Heraclitus--------------------------------------------------------------------------------The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but inhaving new eyes.Marcel Proust--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------I don't mind going nowhere, as long as it's an interesting path.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.Friedrich Nietzsche--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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Blessed is he who expects nothing; for he shall not be disappointed.Jonathan Swift--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.Chuang-Tzu--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Silence is one of the most effective forms of communication.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------The nice thing about having nothing is that you don't have to worry about losingit.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man said to the Universe, "Sir, I exist!"."However," replied the Universe,"Thefact has not aroused in mea sense of obligation". Steven Crane

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------I'll tell you the meaning of life, but first you have to promise not to laugh..."Frank & Earnest"

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This above all: to your own self be true,And it must follow, as the night the day,Thou canst not then be false to any man.Shakespeare--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Funny QuotesReports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.Mark Twain--------------------------------------------------------------------------------In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.

Edward P. Tryon--------------------------------------------------------------------------------The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.Salvador Dali--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Warning: dates on calendar are closer than they appear.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.Mahatma Ghandi--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Resistentialism: (N) the perceived tendency of inanimate objects to be obstinate. E.g. the toaster that won't pop up, the spring clip that keeps jumping out onthe floor.from "The Spizzerinctum Archive"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------It's better to give than to receive. Especially advice.Mark Twain--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Contrary to popular opinion, the plural of 'anecdote' is not 'fact'.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------This space intentionally left blank.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------We can seldom get our children to do what we tell them, but they almost never fail to imitate us.


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Colin Powell--------------------------------------------------------------------------------There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.Arthur C. Clarke--------------------------------------------------------------------------------If I were punished for every pun I shed, there would not be left a puny shed ofmy punnish head.

Samuel Johnson--------------------------------------------------------------------------------The box said "Requires Windows 95, NT, or better", so I installed Linux.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as Gods. Cats have never forgottenthis.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but it doesn't getyou anywhere.Dorothy Galyean--------------------------------------------------------------------------------I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin--------------------------------------------------------------------------------The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleepunder bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.Anatole France--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Welcome to Hell. Here's your copy of Windows.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheatedthan not to trust.Samuel Johnson--------------------------------------------------------------------------------A town that cannot support a lawyer can always support two.

Lyndon Johnson--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Nine in the second place means: The yellow bird approaches the malt shop. Misfortune.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------I think it would be a good idea.Mahatma Ghandi, when asked by a reporter for his opinion of western civilization--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challengeroughly comparable to herding cats.Washington Post Magazine,6/9/85--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Nails are better wood fasteners than screws, if both are applied using a hammer.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.Oscar Wilde--------------------------------------------------------------------------------I was delighted to be able to answer promptly. "I don't know", I said.Mark Twain--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Carpe Datum

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------3rd law of thermodynamics: things go worse under pressure.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


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Things should be made as simple as possible, and not simpler.Albert Einstein--------------------------------------------------------------------------------When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.Clarence Darrow--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always dothat, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.Mark Twain--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Live as you will wish to have lived when you are dying.Christian F. Gellert--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Be the change you want to see in the world.Mahatma Ghandi--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Contrary to popular belief, Barnum's great discovery was not how easy it was todeceive the public, but rather, how much the public enjoyed being deceived.

Daniel J. Boorstin--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Since when do you have to agree with people to defend them from injustice?Lillian Hellman--------------------------------------------------------------------------------The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.Abraham Lincoln--------------------------------------------------------------------------------If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend six sharpening my axe.Abraham Lincoln--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Failure is not an option. It is a privilege reserved only for those who try.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Indifference is evil's bodyguard. Without it, evil would have to do a much better job of hiding.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Isn't sanity just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean, all you get is that one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, well, the sky's the limit!"The Tick (comic book)"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away.-Arthur Helps (1813-1875)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.Mark Twain--------------------------------------------------------------------------------He who allows oppression, shares the crime.-Erasmus Darwin, grandfather of Charles Darwin--------------------------------------------------------------------------------It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confident knowledge that they will help us.Epicurus--------------------------------------------------------------------------------The woods would be very silent if only the birds with the sweetest songs were heard.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zippy the Pinhead

... Are we having fun yet? ...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow a LONG BL


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ACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Bleakness... Desolation... Plastic Forks...--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON.. the waitress's UNIFORM sheds TARTAR SAUCE l

ike an 8' by 10' GLOSSY..--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?--------------------------------------------------------------------------------I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Supreme IronyAn unhurried sense of time is, in itself, a form of wealth.(Seen in a self-service gas pump display)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------... because computers are happiest when we avoid describing them in anthropomorphic terms.(from the preface of an O'Rielly book)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Men", said the Devil, "Are kind to their brothers.""They don't want to mend their own ways, but each other's." Piet Hein

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Eschew obfuscation.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Heisenberg may have slept here.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Do not be fanatical in your dedication to reason.Anne Rice, "Pandora"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, and professionals built the Titanic.

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