SIETAR-Valencia How to avoid and manage (intercultural) miscommunication? Non-Violent Communication model of Marshall Rosenberg

Jackie van der Kroft www.jackievanderkroft.nl

Presentation

• Welcome • Introduction • Marshall Rosenberg • Model “Non-Violent Communication” • “Violent” communication • Connection intercultural field • Wrap up

Introduction: Who am I?

Marshall Rosenberg

•  Did grow up in Detroit – race riots •  Clinical psychologist •  Searching for a language to connect while dealing

with differences •  Developed model “Non-Violent-Communication” •  1984: started up NVC (non-profit & international) •  Model used in conflict prevention & resolution,

dealing with differences………..

Jackal & Giraf

Model Non-Violent Communication •  Based on language and communication skills •  Goal: clear and honest communication •  Way of life Therefore needed: •  Respect, understanding, empathy, listening, compassion •  Awareness of own judgements, observations, feelings •  Compassion for yourself & others (otherwise growth is

not possible) •  Taking responsibility of your own feelings, thoughts •  No decision based on: fear, ,fault, sense of duty •  No to defend, withdraw, attack

•  …

Model: 4 elements

1.Observe 2.Feelings 3.Needs 4.Request

Model: 4 elements

1) Observe Observable behaviour: clearly expressing what we see - Avoiding criticism, accusation (evokes resistance) Pitfall: mixing with judgments (analysing, interpretation…)

Model: 4 elements

2) Feelings Recognising and communicating: communicate what these observations do with you (be vulnerable) Important: the other person is never the cause of your own feelings (= based on your own need) – often it is the stimulus Pitfall: naming of quasi feelings (f.e. thoughts)

Model: 4 elements

3) Needs Expressing needs which are connected to your feelings Judgements are based upon your own unmet and not identified needs Pitfall: mixing with a strategy

Model: 4 elements 4) Request Expressing what we would like of the other person -use positive terms: what would you like that the other person does in stead of not does -remember: you always have a choice Important: check how the other person did receive your request (needed: to receive request with compassion) Pitfall: request sounds as a demand, mandatory (can cause feelings of quilt, shame)

Violent Communication

Obstacles -to advice, breaking off, to question, to correct, take it personally, feeling responsible for feelings of the other person, to start telling your own story…

Violent Communication

= not staying connected with the other person, yourself, your needs by for example: 1)Moralistic judgments: the other person behaves not in accordance with your own values (= based on your own needs 2)To compare: with lives of others (= way of judging) 3)Denying own responsibility: we are responsible for our own feelings, thoughts, actions 4)Expressing our needs as a demand: difference between a request and a demand

Short exercise – Violent Communication You have a couple of minutes to: exchange shortly with your neighbour what kind of “violent communication” you use sometimes yourself and what has been the effect of it?

Connection Intercultural Field •  We are all connected with each other, even more

nowadays via social media – this can lead to more miscommunication and misunderstanding

•  Differences occur during interaction with each other – may create unsafe environment

•  To be vulnerable = more difficult in unsafe settings

In short: method to support staying connected when dealing with differences

Wrap up

Thank you for your attention and wishing you inspiring intercultural encounters! info@jackievanderkroft.nl www.jackievanderkroft.nl