• Floods (or water in general)?

• Being cold?

• Boring commutes?

• Market fluctuations?

• Grass?

Are you tired of any of the following….

If you answered yes to any of those questions…..

Why not move to Iraq?

Iraq has recently been voted as one the top 987,000 places in which to raise a family. *

* Statement from the Iraqi Ministry of Tourism has not been validated by any accredited agency in the universe.

Everybody’s doing it

This could be you!

It’s Warm Here

If you think 128.3 degrees is great, Just wait until July and August. It will be even more awesome!

Signs are easy to follow

This makes people feel comfortable, because they know exactly what to do. You just don’t duck. You cover too.

Iraq has very liberal pet policies

You can bring your donkey anywhere.

You can herd your sheep anywhere

Where’s the F@#*ing grass?

No leash, no vaccines, nooooo problem

Americans can’t let their sheep,

donkeys, and dogs run wild in their city

streets.Gosh. We’re lucky we live in Baghdad!

Yes. Fresh, Disinfected, Non Potable Water IS available

Fine Dining Everywhere

Bring your hand sanitizer and some Imodium AD

Our sidewalk cafes may remind you of Paris…..

Mais non monsieur, this is a different kind of paradise.

There’s just nothing like eating a meal in fresh air

Just like mom used to make.

You don’t have to buy stickers to make it look like your

vehicle is riddled with bullet holes.

Spend that money somewhere else!

Think how much a sticker to make your truck look like this

would cost!

You’re saving money just sitting there.

You can find tires anywhere

Concrete too.

The best ones are stacked on the roof, so make sure you ask to see those first.

There.

There

And there!

If you like smoking, but don’t like getting hit by shrapnel,

you’re in luck

Smoking permitted. Mortars are not.

The fairgrounds are only 40 years old

Seriously, this Ferris Wheel is completely safe. Don’t be a pussy.

No pesky “Adopt The Highway” programs…

That’s what fences are for

Nature’s way of collecting garbage.

You won’t have to worry about streetlights keeping you up at

nightNot going to bother you.

Who needs trained electricians?

Seriously, what harm could come out of haphazardly positioned electrical wires?

Road signs and lanes are just suggestions

Aaaw…F@#* it!

Tired of sitting? Just get out of your car wherever and whenever you feel like it.

Well, maybe not here.

Carpooling is encouraged…

…air conditioning is not (remember, it’s not even 130 degrees yet).

If you don’t like your car, chances are an IED will take care of that problem for you

After

Much better

Before

Yard Sales every weekend!

Buy two rounds, get a third one free.

Our soccer fields are in pristine condition

Nothing slows down an errant soccer ball like a pile of crap.

Can anyone say World Cup 2014?

Book your trip to our world class health spa now

No diving please

Some packages include golf too

Be one of the first to play on our championship course

Our healthcare system is second to none

Heart attack? Ulcers? Asthma? Cancer? No worries, we have a backboard.

Where else can you find a vending machine full of

explosives?

Picnics are more fun here

Try to find a table like this at Yellow Stone.

So is sleeping under the stars

Again, try to find a campground like this at Yosemite.

Gated Communities like none you have seen before

The concrete walls say “exclusive”.

Hurry while lots are still available!

Classy

There are plenty of listings that have recently been reduced in

price

Seller very motivated.

Furnished houses are available

Rooftop access available to most penthouse residents

The snipers won’t even disturb your nap schedule on most days.

Botanical gardens? Nope. This could be your new backyard

Actual live vine. Just needs 27 gallons of water a day to survive in the summer.

We take neighborhood watch very seriously

Huge towers equipped with .50 caliber machine guns tell would-be criminals to move on to the next neighborhood.

You can’t beat the views *

* Standing near windows may result in bodily harm or death.