sholay in it

8/4/2019 Sholay in IT

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Sholay in IT

Gabbar sends Kaalia and two others to Ramgad to collect the loot-maar software he had ordered.

They reach Ramgad and started shouting: Abe O thakur! Kahan hai woh loot-maar software?

Last date to kab ka nikal gaya .

Thakur [with anger]: Chillao mat! jaakar Gabbar se kah do ki Thakur Software walon ne paagalkutton ke liye software banana bund kar diya hai.

Kaalia: Bahoot garmi dikha rahe ho thakur? Koi naye programmers hire kiye hain kya?

Thakur: Nazar uttha ke dekh, Kaalia, tere sar par powerbuilder chal raha hai.

Kaalia looks up and sees Viru (Dharmendra) working on a PC on one Water tank and Jay(Amitabh) on another, using a laptop.

Kaalia Starts Laughing and says: Ha ha thakur ne freshers ko liya hai, Ye log Programmingkarenge? In ko to DOS commands bhi nahin aate.

Veeru shouts: Chup-chaap chala ja kutte. Hum log consultants hain,Kuch bhi kar sakte hain.

Jay hits his keyboard,then says: jaao kaalia, Gabbar se kahna ki uska server down ho gaya .

AT GABBARS DEN

Gabbar: Kitne bugs the?

Kaalia: Do sarkaar.

Gabbar: Wo do! Aur tum teen. Phir bhi fix nahi kar sake? Kya soch key aaye ho? Gabbarbahoot khush hoga? Naya assignment dega aur increment bhi? Iski saza milegi barobarmilegi.

[Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa]. Kitne sessions hain is machine mein?

Sambaa: Chhey sarkaar.

Gabbar: Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naainsaafi hai. [logout - logout - logout].

Haan ab theek hai ab tera kya hoga

Kaalia?

Kaalia: Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha.Gabbar: To ab documentation kar!


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Difference between Appraisal and Resignation!

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss what is the meaning of appraisal?

Boss: Do you know the meaning of resignation?

Trainee: Yes I do

Boss: So let me make you understand what a appraisal. As by comparing it with resignation

Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation

**********

In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

**********In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

**********

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didnt meet the expectation, you donthave leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of thecompany how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors tosuccess.

**********

There is 90 per cent chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90 per cent chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

**********

Trainee: Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign

**********


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Relationship between Office & Bollywood

Films

Pentium IV and Pentium III: Bade Miyan Chhote Miyan.For an Employee who signs a Bond: Bandhan.

For an Employee who works sincerely: Dil Se.

For an Employee who is ready to leave his Job: Doli Saja Ke Rakhna.

A Project having two Project Leader: Ek Phool Do Mali.

An Employee without Accommodation: Pardesi Babu.

Super User Password: Gupt.

An Employee who is in Company for more than Three Years: Amar Prem.

Bill Gates: Hum Se Badhkar Kaun.

An Employee on Probation: Paying Guest.

Ctrl + Alt + Del: Aakhri Raasta.

An Employee who frequently changes the Company: Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi.Backup: Jagte Raho.

Dos & Windows: Do Raaste.

Internet: Door Gagan Ki Chhav Mein.

Operator v/s Computer: Main Khiladi Tu Anadi.

Windows 2000: Bade Dilwala.

Server: Godfather.

Interview: Muquabla.

A System infected by Virus: Pyar To Hona Hi Tha.

Anti-Virus Kit : Soldier.


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System without RAM: Kora Kagaz.

A System which frequently requires Bootable Disk: Sharabi.

Attitude should be positive!Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son: I will choose my own bride!

Father: But the girl is Bill Gatess daughter.

Son: Well, in that caseok

Next Day Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: I have a husband for your daughter.

Bill Gates: But my daughter is too young to marry!

Father: But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.

Bill Gates: Ah, in that caseok

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.

President: But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!

Father: But this young man is Bill Gatess son-in-law.

President: Ah, in that caseok

This is how business is done!!

Moral: Even If you have nothing, you can get anything... But your attitude should be +ve

E-beg

There are three beggars begging on Wall Street. The first beggar wrote Beggar on his brokencup. He received $10.00 after one day. The next day, the second beggar wrote Beggar.com onhis cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPOon NASDAQ. The following day, the third beggar wrote e-Beg on his cup. Microsoft, IBM,


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and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered himfree hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracletechnology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix; a b2b industry portal offeringsupply chain integration in the beggar community.

Walking Economy!

This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, I m a walking economy. The friendreplies How so? My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both ofthese together are putting me into a deep depression!

Tree full of monkeys!

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys all on different limbs, at different levels,some climbing up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. Themonkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes

Never Reverse Satyam (Truth)

Raju was treated like GOD, when he had SATYAM (Truth). When he Reversed it as MAYTAS,he got being treated like a DOG. Moral : Never Reverse Satyam (Truth).

Turkey and Bull!

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,sighed the turkey, but I havent got theenergy. Well, why dont you nibble on some of my droppings? replied the bull. Theyrepacked with nutrients.

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength toreach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached thesecond branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soonhe was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:Bullshit might get you to the top, but it wont keep you there.

Crow and Rabbit!

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?

The crow answered: Sure, why not.


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So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up

21 Points 4 LIFE..!1 . Give people more than they expect & do it cheerfully. .

2 . Marry a man/woman u love 2 talk 2. As u get older, their conversational skills will be asimportant as any other. .

3 . Dont believe all u hear, spend all u have or sleep all u want. .

4 . When u say, I love u, mean it. .

5 . When u say, Im sorry, look the person in the eye. .

6 . Be engaged at least six months before u get married. .

7 . Believe in love at first! sight. .

8 .Never laugh at anyones dreams. People who dont have dreams donthave much. .

9 . Love deeply & passionately. U might get hurt but its the only way

2 live life completely. .10 . In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. .

11. Dont judge people by their relatives. .

12 . Talk slowly but think quickly. .

13 . When someone asks u a question u dont want 2 answer, smile& ask,Why do u want 2 know?

14 . Remember that great love & great achievements involve greatrisk. .

15 . Say bless u when u hear someone sneeze. .

16 . When u lose, dont lose the lesson. .


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17 . Remember the three Rs: Respect for self; Respect for others;& Responsibility for all ur actions. .

18 . Dont let a little dispute injure a great friendship. .

19 . When u realize uve made a mistake, take immediate steps 2correct it. .

20 . Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in urvoice. .

21 . Spend some time alone. .!

Dont copy if you cant paste!

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said:The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasnt my

wife! The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: And that

woman was my mother!

Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to

crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, The greatest years of

my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!

The wife went; ah! with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds

trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted

out and I cant remember who she was!By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital

bed nursing burns from boiling water

Moral of the story: Dont copy if you cant paste!


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Newton said, I am Pascal.

Once Einstein and Newton were playing hide and seek. Einstein was the seeker. Newton did nothide instead he stood on a square of exactly 1 square meter. Einstein then found him. Newton

said, no, you did not find me. I, newton, am standing over 1 square meter area. so newton upon1 sq m = N/Sq.m = Pascal. I am Pascal!!! he heee heee

3 Idiots at a Doctors Clinic

One morning at a doctors clinic, a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him OK, what happened to your back?

The patient replies You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my

apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom.On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed outthe balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a manrunning out and he was dressing himself.

I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, thats how I strained my back

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said My previouspatient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?

He replied, You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at mynew job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, gettingdressed at the same time, and you wont believe it but I was hit by a fridge.

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do. The doctor isshocked. Again asks, What the hell happened to youuuuuu..?

Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor.!!!

Requirements should be explicit, elaborate

and clearly communicated.A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?


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The husband laughs and says: An Italian girl!!! The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: So, honey, how was the trip?

Very good, thank you. And, what happened to my present?

Which present? She asked.

The one I asked foran Italian girl!!

Oh, that she said Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for 9 months to see if it is agirl)

Moral of the Story: Requirements should be explicit, elaborate and clearly communicated.

Why Planning is Important!One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test whichwas scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt.They then went up to the Dean and said that they had

gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to pushthe car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they wouldbe ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a SpecialCondition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed asthey had prepared well in the last 3 days.

..

The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks. See Below for the question Paper.

Q.1. Your Name.. (2 MARKS)Q.2. Which tire burst? (98 MARKS)

a) Front Left b) Front Right

c) Back Left d) Back Right


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Know the problem first and then solve it!

A bus driver started his bus and drove off along the route. At one stop, a big hulk of a guy goton: Six-feet-eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver

and said, Big John doesnt pay! and sat down at the back.The driver was five-feet-three, thin, and basically meek. Naturally, he didnt argue with BigJohn, but he wasnt happy about it. The next day the same thing happened: And the next day, andthe next.

The driver started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally hecould stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong and hulky; whats more, he felt reallygood about himself. So on the next day, when Big John got on the bus and said, Big John

doesnt pay! the driver stood up, glared back at him and screamed, And why not?With a startled face, Big John replied, Big John has bus pass.

Management Lesson:Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working your ass offto solve one.

Poetic Resignation Reply of Manager to

Employee

Reply: What I want to say? (Manager)

The decision is good or decision is bad

Only God knows still I am glad

Keep moving in life that is what I can say

If you feel right go in the same way

May god give you the work, the challenge you wantAnyway there is always a second chance

Chances are there, grab them snatch them

That is what I can say


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Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more.

That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)

From my experience I can tell you

Being in software development is like taking hell out of you

You are frustrated since you have no quality work

And you were frustrated because you had quantity work

Its always like that previous job was better than the current one

And expects the new job will be much better than this one

But what you get is a frustration level up to sun

Then you will again send the resignation like this one

This is all what I want to say

Have you completed all the formalities?

Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)

Once done you can take all your cash

But dont refer others as they will follow youre a*s.

At last I appreciate your contribution to the company

Even though there was not any.

You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI

Dont feel shy

As I also got it some time back from my old manger say

Hi.

That is all what I want to say.

Thanks & Regards


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Manager

Poetic Resignation of Employee to Manager

The name is good, the brand is bigBut the work I do is that of a pig

The work or the brand; what is my way?

I dont know if I should stay.

To work, they have set their own way

Nobody will care to hear what I say

My will be NULL, they wont change their way


The project is in a critical stage

But to do good work, this is the age

This dilemma is killing me day by day


The money is good, the place is great

But the development is at a very small rate

Should I go for the work, or wait for pay

I dont know if I should stay!

The managers dont know what they talk

The team doesnt know where they walk

Thats a bad situation, what say?


I can go to any other place


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But what if I get the same disgrace

I cant keep switching day by day


The -ves are more, the +ves are less

Then why have this unnecessary mess

No more will I walk their way,

Its all done, I wont stay.

Thanks & Regards

Employee

How to ask your Boss for a RAISE

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of theneed$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to yourcompany ..

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon ..Your$ $incerely,

$teven

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You musthave NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet ..

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if South Africamay go into aNOther recession.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean ..

Yours truly,

Manager


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NOrman

What does Indian Hell provide?

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a differenthell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, What do

they do here? He told, First they put you in an electric chair for

an

hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day.

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He

checks

out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.

He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German

hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long

line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, What do they do

here?

He told, First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then

they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil

comes in and beats you for the rest of the day. But that is exactly

the same as all the other hellswhy are there so many people waiting

to get in?

Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair

does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the


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devil is a Software Engineer, so he comes in, signs the register and

then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!! !

See the Guts of Indian Trainees!On a ship, the Project managers of three different companies belonging to 3 different nationswere traveling with their Trainee guys.

They started an argument on whose Trainee engineer had more guts. The American PM calledfor one of his men and told him to jump off and take a round swimming around the moving ship.

The Trainee did as he was commanded. The American PM boasted of by saying, See the guts!

Now the German PM called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds

around the moving ship.The Trainee did as he was told. When he came back from the water the German PM said, Seethe guts!

Now the Indian PM called out for his most courageous man and asked him to take five similarrounds.

The Trainee promptly replied, Why the hell should I ???

The PM proudly said, See the guts!

Give me one wife and not 9 wives!

It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had beencalled. The VP was looking much tensed.

The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told Maybe they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Thenthe VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 peoplehad put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do

not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turnedto the manager and told Hey take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take themfrom other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete itman.

To this the sweet manager replied Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show youresults. Dont give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything. Everyone looked at him


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blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought Whatan Awesome Reply man!

One must not engage in duties other than his

ownThere was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog. One night when

the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer

man was fast asleep too but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog

decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and

wanted to teach him a lesson.The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesnt bark,

the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change

his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.

Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and

started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for

no reason.

Moral of the story One must not engage in duties other than his own

Now take a new look at the same story

The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management

institute.

He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out ofthe box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the

donkey to bray in the night.. He walked outside a little and did some

fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the


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ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey

only wanted to alert him about it. Looking

at the donkeys extra initiative and going beyond the call of the

duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his

favorite pet.

The dogs life didnt change much, except that now the donkey was more

motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal

the dog managed ME (Met Expectations) .

Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and

he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.

The donkey was rated as star performer. The donkey had to live up

to his already high performance standards.

Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now

is looking for a NEW JOB

Information first and then Commitment!

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street.

A tall lady opens the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a bigblack plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner in thenext 10 mins, I will EAT all this dung!

Exclaimed the eager salesman.

Do you need chili sauce or ketchup with that asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, Why, madam??


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Theres no electricity in the house said the lady.

Moral of the story:

Gather all requirements and resources before working on any project and committing to the

client!!!

KOOL DEFINITIONS..

SCHOOLA place where PAPA pays & Son PLAYS.

FATHERA banker provided by NATURE.

LIFE INSURANCEA contract that keeps you POOR all your LIFE so that you can DIE Rich.

EXPERIENCEThe name men give to their MISTAKES.BOSSSomeone who is EARLY when you are LATE and LATE when you are EARLY.

NURSEA person who WAKES you up to give you SLEEPING PILLS.

COMPROMISEThe art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got thebiggest piece.

ATOM BOMBAn invention to END all INVENTIONS.

MARRIAGEan agreement in which a man loses his BACHELOR degree and a woman gainsher MASTERS.

ETCA sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

DICTIONARYA place where SUCCESS comes before WORK.

SMILEA Curve that can set a lot of things STRAIGHT.

8 SECRETS OF SUCESS YOU CAN FIND IN YOUR ROOM . .

1.

Roof saysAim high2. Fan saysBe kool3. Clock saysEvery minute is precious4. Mirror saysReflect before you act5. Window saysSee the world6. Calendar saysBe up to date7. Door saysDont miss any opportunity8. Bed saysSab bakwaas hai chadar odho aur so jao . .


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SUNDAY STORIES. . :-P

If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, why are whales FAT?

Why the place in a stadium where people sit is, called a STAND?Why that is everyone wants to go to HEAVEN but nobody wants to DIE?

In our country, we have freedom of speech, then why do we have telephone bills?

Shall I say that there is racial discrimination, even in chess the white piece is moved first?

Why do you still call it building when its already built?

Why doesnt GLUE stick to its bottle?

If money doesnt grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Ifits true that we are here to help others, what are others here for?

If you arent supposed to drink and drive why do bars have parking lots?

WE ALL ARE LIVING IN A SERIOUSLY FUNNY WORLD

Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover

You get it into ur head that chirping birds r the Devils pets.

Trying to gain control of the situation, u continues to tell ur room to Stay still. Looking at you in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint. The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, Step right up and give it whirls! Youd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight. U set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet. U replaces the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal

position. ur catch phrase is, Never again. U could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your

bed.

ur new response to Good morning, is Be quiet! .

HERE IS WHAT MANAGERS DEAL

WITH..NO WORRIES WE ALL BMSITES

R ONE OF THEM.


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The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for severalweeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored,so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.

The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming

from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job,but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day.

The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end ofthe day the job was done.

The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager todivide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with bigpotatoes. At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of thepotatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty.

The farmer asked the manager: How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days,and now you cannot do this simple job?

The manager answered: Listen, all my life Im cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now youask me to make decisions.

PJ OF THE DAY ..

Santa :- I love u Santas gf :- I love u 2 Santa :- I love u 3..4..5..6..7..8..9 Santas gf :- Ilove u infinity.. Santa :- I luv u rajnikant

Mind wash

Q1. RAM SITA HAI TO RAM KAUN HAI ??

Ans. TAILOR (darzi)

Q2. SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAIAns. Sita MEMORY hai (RAM: Random Access Memory)

Q3. Prasad asks Kumble to bring a pepsi Kumble brings a bottle of pepsi

but goes directly to Tendulkar? Why?? Why??Ans:- Tendulkar is an opener

Q5. Woh kya hai jo Dil main hain, Mann main hai par Dhadkan main nahi?Ans:- aarey Aamir Khan !!!!!!!


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Q6. What will! u call a person who is leaving India ??

Socho

Ans:- Hindustan Lever (Leaver).

Q7. Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha?

Ans:- adidas

Q8. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well. Luv falls

into the well. Why ?

Ans:- Because Luv is blind!!!

Now Kush also jumps inside. Why? OK lots of head scratching done.Ans:- Luv ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!!!

last one

Q9. Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. nahi pata..??Ans:-DCold chain ki saas

Funny things which happen when they r not

supposed to...!!

LAW OF QUEUE: If u change queues, the one u have left will start 2 move faster dan the one ur in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When u dial a wrong number, u never get an engaged one.LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After ur hands become coated wit grease, ur nose willbegin 2 itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, wil roll 2 the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If u tell the boss u were late for work because u had a flat tire, the nextmorning u will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone u know increases when u r withsomeone u dont want 2 be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When u try 2 prove 2 someone dat a machine wont work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional 2 the reach.


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THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as u sit down for a cup of hot coffee, ur boss will ask u 2 dosomething wic will last until the coffee is cold.

Top 10 Silly Questions asked1.) At the movies:

When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. ..

Stupid Question: - Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer: - Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

******2.) In the bus:

A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet

Stupid Question: - Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer: - No, not at all, Im on local anesthesia.. why dont you try again.

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3.) At a funeral:

One of the teary-eyed people asks

Stupid Question: - Why, why him, of all people.

Answer: - Why? Would it rather have been you?

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4.) At a restaurant:

When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question: - Is the Butter Paneer Masala good??

Answer: - No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.


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5.) At a family get-together:

When some distant aunt meets you after years

Stupid Question: - Munna, Chickoo, youve become so big.

Answer: - Well you havent particularly shrunk yourself.

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6.)When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask

Stupid Question: - Is the guy youre marrying good?

Answer: -No, hes a miserable wife-beating, insensitive loutits just the money.

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7.) When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call

Stupid Question: - Sorry. Were you sleeping?

Answer: - No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or

Not. You thought I was sleeping. You dumb witted moron.

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8.) When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair

Stupid Question: - Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer: - No, itsautumn and Im shedding...

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9.)At the dentist when hes sticking pointed objects in your mouth

Stupid Question: - Tell me if it hurts?

Answer: - No it wont. It will just bleed.

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10.) You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks

Stupid Question: - Oh, so you smoke.

Answer: - Gosh, its a miracle ..it was a piece of chalk and now its in flames!!!

Always let your boss have the first say!

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find anantique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, Ill give each of you just one wish.

Me first! Me first! says the admin clerk. I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,without a care in the world.

Puff! Shes gone.

Me next! Me next! says the sales rep. I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with mypersonal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.

Puff! Hes gone.

OK, youre up, the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, I want those two back in theoffice after lunch.

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Recruiting the right person on the right job!

Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right chair? If yes, trythis simple experiment. Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with anopen window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave themalone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation

If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks

PUT THEM IN THE ACCOUNTS DEPT.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks

-PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.


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If they are arranging the bricks in some other order

PUT THEM IN PLANNING.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other

PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.

If they are sleeping

- PUT THEM IN SECURITY.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces

PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.

If they are sitting idle

PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.

If they have thrown the bricks out of the window

PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.

If they have already left for the day

PUT THEM IN MARKETING.

AND last but not least.

If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved

-PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT

sholay in it

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