The Jersey DEVILer: If any of you readers know how to fix broken hinges... my door is always open.

Sharon and Charles, a retired couple

from Manhattan, now living in Miami

Beach, are getting ready to go

out to dinner. Sharon says,

"Charles, darling, do you want

me to wear this Chanel suit or

the Gucci?"

Charles says, "I don't care."

A few minutes later Sharon

says, "Charles, should I wear my Cartier

watch or my Rolex?"

Charles says, "Your choice."

A few more minutes pass and Sharon

says, "Charles, love, shall I wear my

five-carat pearl diamond ring or my

six-carat round diamond ring with the

baguettes?"

Charles says, "Sharon, I really don't care

what you wear, but if you don't get

moving, we're going to miss the Early

Bird Special."

Remember: when a pretty girl says "No,"

she really means "Yes" -- but just not with

you!

The U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing

still produces $2 bills, according to MSN

Money. They were first introduced in 1862,

but production of $2 bills was suspended in

1966 due to their lack of popularity. Production started again in 1976 as

part of the U.S. Bicentennial celebration.

Apple has a lot of money! So much in fact that they have more

operating cash than the US Treasury

An applicant comes into the bank for a job interview... The bank

hiring officer asks, “Do you have any felony convictions?”

The applicant replies, “Sorry. I didn’t realize that was still a

requirement.” ......true story

One of my blonde insurance secretaries faxed over the police report

from an auto accident to me. A few weeks later, she called asking for

information from that report. “Didn’t you keep the original

copy?” I asked.

“No,” she said. “I faxed it to you.” Trish B., Clementon, NJ

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“South Jersey’s #1 Funny Paper”

Remembering My Dear Mother: Whenever I voiced

disapproval of a photo of myself, my mother always had a

ready reply: “Want a better picture? Get a better face.” reader Lin W., Chinatown, Philadelphia

My girlfriend Jackie went to a dermatologist because of an unsightly

scaly rash. Well, the doctor happened to be very attractive.

After a full examination, the doctor cocked his head and asked, “Jackie,

did you get your hair done?”

Flattered, she replied, “Why yes. Thank you for noticing,”

“I thought so,” the doctor replied. “Because your scalp looks

red and irritated.”

Alive some 37 millions years ago the Colossus Penguin

roamed the land of Antartica. The penguins reached heights

of 6'8" and weighed in at 250 lbs.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when

they lit a fire in the craft, it sank. Proving once again

that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too. Sonny S., of Elm, NJ

What Is A Cosmic Year? A cosmic year is the amount of time it

takes for the sun to orbit once around the center of the Milky Way

Galaxy. One cosmic year is equal to 225-250 million years.