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Sexual Suicide

__________

Norlita Brown

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Sexual Suicide

Copyright © 2011 by Brown Essence, Inc.

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writing from the publisher.

Author Aaron Bebo contributed work to Conversation 4. His

work was printed with expressed permission from Story Ta Tale

Publishing.

Sonya Wynn, Alicia Jones, Laura Hodges, Cynthia Hodges,

Rachel Anderson and Shunda Staples-Ray contributed work to

the conversations. Their work was printed with their permission.

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4

Time had decided…

not to be my friend. I knew Q was clocking my

every moment, waiting on the opportunity to pounce, with

his “aha!” Q had filed for divorce several months ago and

had I not contested it, we would be happily single right

now. That would have been a whole lot better than these

feelings of guilt racing through my veins. I don’t know

why I contested it either.

If I were to guess, I would say it had everything to do

with the fact that Q didn’t just leave it at we had

irreconcilable differences. No! He wanted to cry on the

Judge’s shoulders talking about how wrong I had done him.

To make matters worse, he brought up the fact that I had

fallen in love with Ahmad. I would have tried to argue my

point but instead I decided to play hardball. Chrisette

Michelle’s Blame it on me couldn’t counsel me then. I

couldn’t help but laugh as I recollected the events of that

day.

“Your honor,” I said with tears brimming on my eye

lids. I tugged at my brown vest, then brought my hands to

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my face and wiped away the tears with all the drama I

could muster, “I am so in love with Q.” I looked over at

him and watched as his jaw dropped. “I don’t know why

he wants to leave me,” I said and took hold of the Kleenex

that was being offered by the bailiff, I wiped my nose and

continued. “I feel like I am the only one who has put any

effort into saving this marriage and now he’s decided to

just throw me out like yesterday’s trash.” I sat back down

in my seat as if the weight of it all was just too much for

me to bear.

“We have built so much together and if only for that

reason we should give one another a fair chance to work

beyond our differences.”

Judge Michaels looked at me as if she wanted to cry

with me, as if my pain was hers and countless other

women’s. She looked at Q, “Mr. Robertson, I tend to agree

with Alyssa,” she said. I took note of how she referred to

me informally even though this was the first time we had

ever encountered one another.

She picked up a pen and began writing, “I am going to

recommend that you guys seek counseling,” she said, “I am

assigning you Dr. Carol Donovan,” she continued before

tearing a sheet from her pad and handing it to the bailiff,

who in turn handed it to Q. “You’re more than welcome to

seek your own counselor as well, but this one is not an

option.”

She stared us both in the eyes as if we were being

parented for some wrong we had done, “I want to see you

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both back here in 6 months, but I want you to give it an

honest try. Okay,” she said as she looked directly at Q.

I left with a smirk on my face knowing that all of it

was just a game. I no longer wanted Q as I could tell that

he sure in hell didn’t want me either.

None of that mattered right now as I drove home from

Ahmad’s worried that Q would know exactly where I was

and what I had done. I wondered what Tee would do in

this same situation and then I smiled, today, I was going to

try to fill Tee’s shoes.

I flew up the back stairs like I had wings; my clothes

hit the floor before my feet had a chance to gain steady

ground. I jumped in the bed with Q and for the second time

that day my head was in a man’s lap. I looked up at Q’s

startled expression, but as I continued to place my warm

tongue along everything that was his, I watched him relax

and give in to the pleasure.

I tried to force Q to sex me the way that Ahmad just

had. I wanted the aggression the passion, but Q just

reverted back to our same ordinary sex. I closed my eyes

and envisioned the love I had just made with Ahmad, the

way his soft lips touched my body, the hardness of his

chest, the memories set me on fire and caused my body to

explode.

I opened my eyes and looked at Q’s boastful

expression. ‘Humph,’ I thought, ‘if only you knew, that

orgasm didn’t have anything to do with you.’ I held my

tongue and my peace and went to shower with the

revelation that my sex life was about to look up.