Text: Hebrews 13:4

• “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the immoral and adulterous.”

The Bible Says

• Prov. 11 16 A gracious woman gains honor, but violent men gain [only] riches.

• Prov. 18 12 Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but before honor comes humility.

• Prov. Pr 31:2525 Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come.

The Bible Says…

• Romans 12:9-10 (HCSB) 9 Love must be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. 10 Show family affection to one another with brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor.

The Word “Honor”

…more commonly means precious in the New Testament. It's the word used in 1 Corinthians 3:12 where Paul speaks of "gold, silver, and precious stone." It's used in 1 Peter 1:19 in reference to the "precious blood" of Jesus. It's used in 2 Peter 1:4 to refer to the "precious and very great promises" of God.

So, when Hebrews 13:4 says,

• "Let marriage be held in honor among all," we should hear the ring of preciousness. The Bible is telling us this morning: Let marriage always be thought of as precious. Let it be treasured like gold and silver and rare jewels. Let it be revered and respected like the noblest of jewels….

John Piper says, “When you think of marriage, let yourself be gripped by emotions of tremendous respect and sanctity. In relation to marriage cultivate the feeling that this not to be touched quickly or handled casually or treated commonly. In God's eyes marriage is precious and therefore he says, "Let marriage be held in honor among all."

Dr. Gary Smalley says,

“Honor: The Fuel that Runs a Healthy Marriage”

Marriage Honoring: A Biblical Construct

• The most foundational thing to see from the Bible about marriage is that it is God’s doing. And the most ultimate thing to see from the Bible about marriage is that it is for God’s glory.

• Gen. 2

Marriage: God’s Doing

• Marriage Was God’s Design • God Gave Away the First Bride• God Spoke the Design of Marriage into

Existence• God Performs the One-Flesh Union

…the most foundational

thing we can say about marriage is that it is God’s doing. It was his doing:

• because it was His design in creation; • because He personally gave away the first bride in

marriage; • because he spoke the design of marriage into

existence: leave parents, cleave to your wife, become one flesh;

• and because this one-flesh union is established by God himself in each marriage.

Marriage: God’s Display

• The most ultimate thing to see in the Bible about marriage is that it exists for God’s glory [display].

• The way to see this most clearly is to connect Genesis 2:24 with its use in Ephesians 5:31-32.

Connecting The Two

• Genesis 2:24, God says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

• Paul quotes Genesis 2:24 in verse 31, “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’”

The Al-important Interpretation

• in verse 32: “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”

• In other words, marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant commitment to his church. Christ thought of himself as the bridegroom coming for his bride, the true people of God (Matthew 9:15; 25:1; John 3:29).

Marriage Exists for God’s Glory

• That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to the church. And therefore the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married.

• Christ Will Never Leave or Dishonor His Wife!

Staying Married, Therefore,

• is not about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant. “Till death do us part,” or, “As long as we both shall live” is sacred covenant promise—the same kind Jesus made with his bride when he died for her. Therefore, what makes divorce so horrific in God’s eyes is not merely that it involves covenant breaking to the spouse, but that it involves misrepresenting Christ and his covenant.

Honoring One Another

The principles that birth honor in a marriage.

The C.O.U.P.L.E Principle (wife)

• Closeness• Openness• Understanding• Peacemaking• Loyalty• Esteem

Closeness

“She wants to be close’• Deuteronomy 24:5 (HCSB)

5 “When a man takes a bride, he must not go out with the army or be liable for any duty. He is free [to stay] at home for one year, so that he can bring joy to the wife he has married.

Closeness (cont.)• Song of Songs 3:2 (NLT)

2 So I said to myself, “I will get up and roam the city, searching in all its streets and squares. I will search for the one I love.” So I searched everywhere but did not find him.

• 1 Corinthians 11:11 (NLT) 11 But among the Lord’s people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of women.

Closeness (cont.)

• Genesis 29:34 (HCSB) 34 She conceived again, gave birth to a son, and said, “At last, my husband will become attached to me because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore he was named Levi.

A Wife Feels Close When…

1. You hold her hand2. You hug her3. You are affectionate with sexual intentions4. You are with her alone (focus on each other)5. You go out of your way to do something6. You make her priority7. You are aware of her as a person with a mind

and opinions.

Openness

• 1 Samuel 25:17 (BBE) 17 So now, give thought to what you are going to do; for evil is in store for our master and all his house: for he is such a good-for-nothing person that it is not possible to say anything to him.

A wife feels you are open when

1. You share your feelings2. You say lets talk3. Your face shows that you want to talk4. You pray with her5. You give here full attention6. You discuss financial concerns

Understanding

• “Don’t try to “Fix” her just listen.• Ephesians 5:25 (HCSB)

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her,

She’ll feel you’re are trying

1. Listen and can repeat back what she said2. Don’t try to fix the problem, unless she

specifically asks for a solution.3. You never dismiss her feelings4. You try to identify with her feelings5. You apologize and admit you are wrong

Peacemaking

• “She wants you to say, “I’m Sorry.”

She’ll feel at peace with you when

1. You let her vent and don’t get angry and close her off.

2. You admit you were wrong and apologize3. You forgive her any wrong she confesses4. You never nurse bitterness5. You reassure her of you love

Loyalty

She needs to know you’re are committed• Proverbs 5:15 (AMP)

15 Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well.

• Proverbs 5:15 (BBE) 15 Let water from your store and not that of others be your drink, and running water from your fountain.

She is assured of your loyalty when…

1. You speak highly of her in front of others2. You are involved in things important to her3. You don’t correct her in front of the children4. You don’t look lustfully at other women5. You her and your marriage priority6. You keep commitments7. You speak positively of her and the children

Esteem

• She wants you to honor and cherish her • Song of Songs 8:6 (BBE)

6 Put me as a sign on your heart, as a sign on your arm; love is strong as death, and wrath bitter as the underworld: its coals are coals of fire; violent are its flames.

The Result of Honoring Her…

• Proverbs 31:25 (BBE) 25 Strength and self-respect are her clothing; she is facing the future with a smile.

Honoring One Another (part 2)

The C.H.A.I.R.S Principles(for husbands)

C.H.A.I.R.S

• Conquest• Hierarchy• Authority• Insight• Relationship• Sexuality

Conquest

• “Appreciate his desire to work and achieve.”• Genesis 30:30 (BBE)

30 For before I came you had little, and it has been greatly increased; and the Lord has given you a blessing in everything I have done; but when am I to do something for my family?

He Feel you Appreciate His Desire to Work and Achieve When

1. You tell him verbally or writing that you value his work efforts

2. You express faith in him related to his chosen filed

3. You listen to his work stories4. You allow him to dream 5. You don’t dishonor or subtly criticize his work6. You see your self as his helpmate

Hierarchy

“Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.”