session 4...2019/12/07 · we will look at stevie in session 4. he always thinks he will faint when...

In this session, we focus on:

• Facing your fears

• Stepping out your Comfort Zone

• Problem Solving

Dr Jim White

Session 4 Controlling your actions

© Dr Jim White 1996-2020 Page 1

Part 1: INFORMATION

We keep weakening the vicious circle and strengthening the positive circle by tackling stress

actions. You might start to see some early signs of change. We know stress affects our actions.

And we know that the way we act makes stress worse. So, changing the way we act can help us

control stress. Let’s divide Actions into two: Avoidance and Behaviour

Avoidance

Often not a black and white thing – we might talk to some people and not others; drive on certain

roads, at certain times but avoid others; be able to go to a particular place sometimes but not at

other times, etc. Think back to Session 2 – avoidance is based on ‘Flight’ – the instinct to run from

where we are due to our sense of threat.

Also, we should bear in mind escape – the close cousin of avoidance. This is where we go into a

situation but always have one eye on the exit. A common form of this is when we go to the cinema

but sit at the end of the back row ‘just in case’. Although this seems like common sense, in Session

4, we will see why this helps keep stress alive when we look at ‘Stepping out your Comfort Zone’.

Here are some of the more common signs of avoidance. Rate the ones you feel become a problem

when you get stressed between 0 and 10 where 0 = ‘not at all’ and 10 = ‘could not be worse’:

Making decisions Driving

Taking responsibility Social life

Reading about illness Being in busy places

Being in enclosed places Being alone

Expressing opinions Using public transport

Going to busy shops Dealing with bills, etc.

Just about everyone in the world avoids doing something to try to avoid stress. It may be the most

common way to cope with stress. And there is an obvious reason for this – it is a superb way to

quickly reduce stress. The trouble is, it just makes stress worse in the long run.


Behaviour

This is about how we act when we get stressed. When our behaviour changes:

We may become more self-conscious

It can affect others as they see our stressed actions

We see it as a sign that we are not coping

And, just like avoidance, this lowers our self-esteem and self-confidence and keeps our stress alive.

Rate the ones you feel become a problem when you get stressed between 0 and 10 where 0 = ‘not

at all’ and 10 = ‘could not be worse’:

Anger Taking longer to do things

Make more mistakes Always feeling rushed

Take more risks Do too many things at the one time

Disorganised Clean/check too much

Cry Withdraw

Drink, smoke, use more drugs Can’t sit at peace


Part 2: SKILLS

You will also see how to combine these with the skills you have learned in the other sessions.

Face your fears

Stepping out your comfort zone

Problem solving


Making your way out of stress (1)

Remember last week when we looked at something coming up that would cause you stress? The

usual response to that is ‘I’ll just not think about it’. Although most of us would think this was the

right thing to do, it isn’t. You should do the exact opposite, i.e. think about it – prepare, then face

up then review.

It is much the same with actions. A lot of people say, ‘I’ll do that (or go there) once I feel more

confident’. This sounds right. But, again, it is wrong. We’ve got to turn this on its head – until you

try to do it, your confidence will never get a chance to grow.

Everyone knows what to do if you fall off a horse – you get straight back on. Because if you leave

it to the next day, your chances of success have dropped. Same with stress – the sooner you face

your fears, the quicker your self-confidence and self-esteem will get a chance to grow.

There is a famous book all about this. It has the best title of all:

Feel the fear and do it anyway

These may be among the most important seven words you will hear at this class. So, try to memorise

them. Spend some time thinking of places or things you avoid. Start to think of ways you could face

your fears.

Expect facing your fears to be hard but, because we learned about relaxation, radars, living in the

present and breaking stress up last week, we can make this easier to do. We can make it easier still

by adding in what we learned in Session 2 – reducing caffeine, exercise and belly breathing.

The next page has a five-step Face your fears practice form. You will see that it involves preparing,

facing up and reviewing from Breaking stress up (Session 3). So, decide what you want to face up to

– we’d suggest you pick something straight-forward to let you get some practice in before you tackle

the big things in life you avoid.


1) What is the fear to face?

2) What do I think will happen when I face my fear? (what threats is your radar spotting?)

3) Work out a plan: Preparing

4) Facing up do it

5) Reviewing



When we feel threat, we often stay in our comfort zone. We hope this will stop bad things from

happening. Sounds like common sense but it can be a reason for stress keeping going. This is

because we don’t truly face our fears. We need to step out our comfort zones and take a risk.

We will look at Stevie in Session 4. He always thinks he will faint when he has a panic attack. He

never has but has still not lost this fear. And that is because each time he has the thought, he does

something – he sits down. He thinks the only reason he doesn’t faint is because he sits down. In

other words, he stays in his comfort zone. He needs to stand there and see what happens – either

he will faint, or he won’t. If he does stand there and doesn’t faint (highly likely) then he will have

truly faced his fears. At that point he will be able to control the panic. So, ask yourself:

• What do you do to play safe?

• Do you think this helps or hinders?

• Play the detective and then predict what would happen if you did not play safe

The cartoon sums it up so well. The yellow bird will only truly

face its fear by ditching the parachute – two things can

happen: it will plummet to the ground or it will fly. What is

more likely to happen? At that point, it will have truly faced its

fear and the fear will go.

Use the practice form on the next page. It is the same as Breaking stress up:

Prepare: to step out your comfort zone

Face up: do it

Review: what happened when you left your comfort zone


Stepping out your comfort zone

How do you try to stay in your comfort zone? Predict what would happen if you stepped out your comfort zone

Work out a plan: Preparing

Facing up do it

Reviewing



Problem Solving is a great way to tackle any problem in your life. You break problems into six bite-

sized bits. It will help give you a greater sense of control. You will be less able to be overwhelmed.

It will boost your self-confidence and self-esteem. The six steps are:

Bad examples This house gets me down. I’m so unhappy

These are not clear-cut – what is it about the house? Is the mortgage too high, is it the neighbours?

is it too small? Is it too far from where you work? What are you specifically unhappy about?

Good examples The dampness in the back room is getting worse. My son has no time for me now.

Much more clear-cut. You have clearly defined the problem.

If the answer is ‘nothing much’, then it isn’t worth trying to solve it. But if the answer is that your

life will be improved, keep going.

In Step 3, you try to come up with as many solutions as you can. This is a way to stretch your mind,

so it does not matter too much how good or bad these solutions are. The more you can think of,

the better the chances are of finding a good one. So, write down all your options. Once you have

your options, you go through them one at a time and write down the pros and cons of each. Then

decide to keep or reject that option. You can keep as many or as few as you want as it may take

more than one option to lead to success.

Step 1 Clearly state the problem

Step 2 What if I solve the problem?

Step 3 Brainstorm and choose the best option


Work out how you are going to tackle the problem (Preparing).

(Facing up)

Did it work? If it didn’t, why not?

What did you learn? Can you improve the plan next time?

What is the next problem you can tackle?

At the start, it can be helpful to focus on a small problem to get in the practice. Once you get good

at it, tackle the bigger problems that, if solved, will make your life a lot better. Then think about

using Problem Solving to tackle some of the biggest questions in our lives:

How is your life going?

Are you living the life you want?

Are you living up to your ideals?

Are you making a go of it?

In Session 6, we’ll look at ‘Setting the compass’ where we look at how our values can guide us

through life. Problem Solving works well with this. Once you get good at doing Problem Solving,

you should be able to do it in your head. At this stage, it is a lot easier to write down the six

stages. Use the Problem Solving practice form.

Step 4 Work out a plan

Step 5 Do it

Step 6 Review


practice form

Step 1: Clearly state the problem

Step 2: What will happen if I solve this problem?

Step 3: Brainstorm and choose the best option(s)


Step 4: Work out a plan (prepare)

Step 5: Do it (facing up)

Step 6: Review

session 4...2019/12/07 · we will look at stevie in session 4. he always thinks he will faint when...

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