self-acceptance: the compassionate alternative to self-esteem bennett-self... · overview •...

Self-acceptance:Thecompassionatealternativetoself-esteem

DrRichardBennettClinicalPsychologist

www.thinkpsychology.co@thinkpsychol

Overview

• Self-acceptanceandself-esteem– Definingconcepts– RelationshiptoACTandRFTtheory– Usefulstrategiesforpromotingadialoguebasedaroundself-acceptance

Withoutwhom…

• StevenHayes,KirkStrosahl,KellyWilson,YvonneBarnes-Holmes,DermotBarnes-Holmes,LouiseMcHugh,Mairead Foody,RussHarris,AlbertEllis,WindyDryden,NiklasTorneke,Rikke Kjelgaard,PeterTrower,JasonJones

• TheentireACBScommunity

Definingtheself• ‘Theself’lacksoperationaldefinition• RFToffersadevelopmentalaccountoftheselfvialearning‘deictic’or‘perspective’relations– IvYou– HerevThere– NowvThen

• Overtime,aconsistentanddistinctsenseof‘I-ness’isdevelopedinrelationtootherperspectives

McHughL,Barnes-HolmesY,Barnes-HolmesD(2004)Perspective-takingasrelational responding:adevelopmentalprofile.PsycholRec,54:115-144.

Definingtheself• ‘I-here-now’coherenceiscrucialaswemature,but…• …”Gooddevelopmentgetsyouintobadtrouble”(YvonneBarnes-Holmes)

• Developmentsupportsfusion– excessiveco-ordinationbetween‘I-ness’andcontent– tendencytoco-ordinatejudgements alongasingledimension

– highregulationofbehavioural functionsasaconsequence

DeSoto,C.B(1961).ThePredilection forSingleOrderings.JournalofAbnormalandSocialPsychology,62,16-23McHughL,StewartI(2012).TheSelfandPerspectiveTaking:ContributionsandApplicationsFromModernBehavioralScience.Dublin:NewHarbingerPublications

Definingself-esteem

• Theconceptofself-esteemhastwocomponents:– Self

• Thesummationofyour(verbal)history• Allbehaviours/emotions/sensations/thoughts/fantasies/physiology/characteristics/traits/talents/skills/dreams

– The‘self’isextremelycomplex– The‘self’isconstantlychanging

Definingself-esteem

• Theconceptofself-esteemhastwocomponents:– Esteem

• Fromtheverb‘estimate’• Synonyms:judge/rate/evaluate

– Consider• Whyarepeopleesteemed?• Howdotheybecomeesteemed?

Definingself-esteem• Alearned,globaljudgmentabouttheself…whichshapeshow

thepersonthinks,feelsandbehavesonaday-to-daybasis• Theoverallopinionwehaveofourselves,howwejudgeor

evaluateourselves,thevalueweattachtoourselvesaspeople• Itisagenericcognitiverepresentationoftheself(aschema),

basedonperceptionandexperiencethatis:– Learned– Self-maintaining– Resistanttochange– Aninfluenceoninformationprocessingandbehaviouralresponses

Fennell,M.(1999).OvercomingLowSelfEsteem.Edinburgh: Constable&Robinson.

CONCEPTUALISED SELF

Thelanguageoflowself-esteem

• “Ican’tcope.I’mworthless”• “Ifailed.Ialwaysfail.I’mafailure”• “Sheleftme.IknowI’munloveable”

Hierachical deicticrelations

I-ness ContentConten

t I-ness

✓ ✗Foody, M, Barnes-Holmes, Y & Barnes-Holmes, D. (2013). An Empirical Investigation of Hierachicalversus Distinction Relations in a Self-based ACT exercise. International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy, 13, 3, 373-388

Ishighself-esteemtheremedy?

• Lowself-esteeminvolvesconsistentlygivingones’complexandchanging‘self’asingle,global,negativerating.

• Highself-esteeminvolvesconsistentlygivingones’complexandchanging‘self’asingle,global,positiverating.

• Isthattheanswer?• TakeapieceofA4paper…

Theratinggame

Self (bad) (good)

(good)

(bad)Action / Effect / Characteristic

Wessler, RA & Wessler, RL (1980). The Principles and Practice of Rational-Emotive Therapy, Jossey-Bass

Apredilectionforsingleorderings

(bad)

(good) (good)

(bad)

Action / Effect / Characteristic

Wessler, RA & Wessler, RL (1980). The Principles and Practice of Rational-Emotive Therapy, Jossey-Bass

Self

Overcomingtheratinggame

• Rateachair

Overcomingtheratinggame

• Youcanrateitscharacteristics

• Youcannotrateitsessence

• Arehumansmorecomplexthanchairs?

Whyisself-esteemproblematic?

• Self-esteeminvolvestworatingswhenonewillsuffice– “DoingbetteratmyworkisabetterthingandthereforeIamabetterperson”

– Thesecondpartisnotnecessaryandrepresentsalogicalerror• Thewhole-parterror

– Itinvolvesconceptualisingtheselfonthebasisofcontent• Thepizzametaphor


• Humansareofequalworthirrespectiveofwhattheyhaveachievedordone,orwhatishappeningaroundthem– IsmyworthasapersonenhancedifIperformwellatsomething?

– IsmyworthasapersondiminishedifIperformbadlyatsomething?

– Wouldyouraiseachildtobelievethis?• E.g.childdoesagoodactandyousay“GoodBoy!”orbehavesbadlyandyousay“Badboy!!!”

– Whatwouldbetheimpactuponthemifyoudid?


• Itdeniesourcomplexity– Youcansampletheselfbutglobalratingsarenothelpful

– Suchratingstendtoexertcontroloverbehaviouralfunctionsandlimitourrepertoire

• Esteemratingsareconditional– Conditionalhighself-esteemisfleeting

• ‘Improving’self-esteemoftenreducesmotivationtochange– Itcanexternalisecontrolandresponsibility

Workingtoraiseself-esteempromotestheswappingofoneconceptualisedselfforanother

ThisisnotconsistentwithACT

Hayes,S.,Strosahl, K,Wilson, K.(1999)AcceptanceandCommitmentTherapy.NewYork:GuilfordPress

It’sthecontextthatcounts

Marshall et al (2015) Self-compassion protects against the negative effects of low self-esteem: A longitudinal study in a large adolescent sample. Journal of Personality and Individual Differences, 74, 116-121

Keytherapeutictargets

• Weakeningfusionwithself-criticismandself-conceptualisations

• Strengtheningdeicticframingrepertoiresinvolvedincultivatingself-perspective-takingandself-as-context

• Constructingandenactingavalueofself-compassionthroughself-acceptance

Yadavaia etal(2014)UsingACTtoincrease self-compassion:arandomizedcontrolledtrial. JournalofContextualBehavioralScience,3,248-257

Unconditionalself-acceptance

• Analternativetotheconceptofself-esteem• InitiallypromotedbyAlbertEllisasakeyfeatureofRationalEmotiveBehaviourTherapy(REBT)

• Aresurgentideainthirdwavecognitivebehaviouraltherapies

Ellis, A.(2005)TheMythofSelf-esteem.NewYork:PrometheusBooks


• Promotingunconditionalself-acceptance– Humanbeingsaretoocomplextogiveasinglerating– Inouressence,weare

• Un-rateable,althoughitmaybeworkableforustorateaspectsofourselvesinordertotakecreditforpositivequalitiesoraddresslessdesirableones.

• Influx– everchanging• Fallible– incurabletendencytomakemistakes• Unique– just likeeveryoneelse!• Equaltoothersintermsofasharedhumanitybutunequalinspecificways

“Youloveapersonbecauseheorshehaslovabletraits,butyouaccepteverybodyjustbecausethey’realiveandhuman”

AlbertEllis


• Promotingunconditionalself-acceptance– Allaroundtheworldpeoplehaveasharedsenseof‘human-ness’- weareallcomposedofgood/bad/indifferentqualities

– Weallhavethesameintrinsicworth– Wearenotdefinedbyourbehaviours

• Doingabadthingdoesnotmakeoneabadperson• Doingagoodthingdoesnotmakeoneagoodperson

Dryden,W.(1999)HowtoAcceptYourself.London: SheldonPress

Unconditionalself-acceptance• Unconditionalself-acceptanceencouragesapersonto

noticeaspectsoftheirexperiencebutdiscouragessomeonefromassigningaglobalnegativeself-rating…– …whereasself-esteemencouragesthepersontoratetheir

whole‘self’• Unconditionalself-acceptanceencouragesapersontotake

abroadperspectiveonaspectsoftheirself…– …whereasself-esteeminfluencespeopletoseetheselfina

limitedcontext• Unconditionalself-acceptancepromotesflexible

perspectivetakingandavoidsover-generalconceptualisation– …whereasself-esteemleadspeopletowardrigidityandfusion

withaconceptualisedself

NB…alogicalextension

Self

Other

Life

Acceptance

Let’sgetreal…

• Unconditionalselfacceptancecanbelearnt(butnotpracticedperfectlyorallofthetime)

• Internalizingitisdifficultandinvolveshardwork

• So,wheretostart?

“Havethelifeyouwantbybeingpresenttothelifeyouhave”

MarkNepo

AcompassionatestanceviaRFT

Therapist Client

Content Content

McHugh, L & Stewart, I. (2012) The Self and Perspective Taking. Oakland: New Harbinger


• Promoteself-otherco-ordinationthroughperspectivetaking(“IfIwereyou…”)– Validatethepresenceofthecontent– Validatetheemotionalimpactofthecontent– Validatethebehaviouralcontrolexertedbythecontent

• Source:YvonneBarnes-Holmes(2015)


• Promoteself-contentdistinction– Observethecontent– Discriminatebetweenselfandcontent– Presentopportunitytochoose

• E.g.tomakechoicesthatarenotaboutyoubeinggovernedbyyourcontent

Verbalstrategiesforpromotingselfacceptance

• Discouragingglobalconceptualisations– Noticingthedifferencebetweencontextandcontent• Theskyandtheweather(RussHarris)• Thechessboardmetaphor(Hayes,Strosahl,Wilson)• Thepizzametaphor(JasonJones)• Ratingachair(PeterTrower)• Thefruitbowlmetaphor(RuthandRichardWessler)• “BigI,Littlei”technique(ArnoldLazarus)

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Videodemonstration– “Iamselfish”

• Watchtheclip,whichincorporates:– Theskyandtheweathermetaphor– Amindfulnessprocessbasedonhierarchicaldeicticrelations

• Noticeandreflectupon:– Theverbalcontentofthesession– Therelationalprocessbetweentherapistandclient

Self-acceptance:Thecompassionatealternativetoself-esteem

DrRichardBennettClinicalPsychologist

www.thinkpsychology.co@thinkpsychol

self-acceptance: the compassionate alternative to self-esteem bennett-self... · overview •...

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