By: Kelly Cahalin

See the Smile.

As I finished reading To Hell with Good Intentions by Ivan Illich, I did not even know what to think. I was offended and felt like Illich had ripped my eyes open in trying to prove his point. He was so head strong and so firm in his beliefs, that he did not leave even a millimeter for someone else to have an alternate viewpoint.

He imposed his views in a way that, basically, entirely turned me off to his whole argument. He does not like Americans. He feels as if white, privileged college students serve in a foreign country out of nothing more than selfish intensions; selfish intensions that they were brought up, as Americans, believing were “good intentions”, “helpful intentions”, and intentions of a “do-gooder”. Illich does not even consider the fact that maybe the students volunteering to serve find it in their heart of hearts to try to make the world a better place. He does not even consider the fact that every student going to serve in a foreign country is maybe something more than just an over-privileged, college-educated, narcissistic white kid.

Furthermore, Illich pushes his viewpoint on why American college students have to travel abroad to be “do gooders” when they could just do so in their own states, cities, and towns. He is so vehemently against this, in fact, that he, once again, refuses to look deeper into the issue. He sees things only from his point of view. He, again, refuses to consider the fact that, for many people wishing to volunteer, traveling somewhere foreign opens up new doors, allows you to have new experiences, and in the end, truly broadens your horizons.

So why then, does Illich give service such a bad rap? Why does he, with his entire soul and being, truly hate young American students traveling to foreign lands to do service work that they see as beneficial?

The only answer I can find lies in the complexity of service. Service, and I agree with Illich here, is not simple. It is a multifaceted concept involving multiple players, multiple places, and multiple motivations. It is, truly, a combination of power, privilege, and relationships. But, this does not have to be an entirely negative combination.

More along the lines with my beliefs, and in agreement with the concept that service and charity do not have to derive from radically negative motivations, is the article The Irony of Service: Charity, Project, and Social Change in Service-Learning by Keith Morton. In his article, Morton looks at service-learning in a more positive light. He views service in a way that does not entirely harp on young college students and their reasons for serving others. Rather, Morton believes in the good of all people, both those serving and those being served. Morton even went a step further by questioning college students on why exactly they chose to participate in service-learning experiences. And from what he gathered, most students did not volunteer in order to feel good about themselves or even to gain experience in their chosen career fields, but rather most

students chose to volunteer in order to help someone.

And for me, that is what hits home.

I did not choose to go to Panama and to Ghana because I felt privileged and it was my way of helping those who weren’t as “lucky” as me. And I did not go to Panama and to Ghana because I had “power” and could bestow some of that power to those who were “powerless”. Rather, I chose to go on these trips to help someone. I wanted to do something more for someone I have never even met. I wanted to reach out a hand and form relationships with people from another culture, another country, and another way of life.

Despite what Illich thinks, I do not see myself as more important, or more powerful, or more righteous than any person I met in Panama and Ghana. Rather, I see myself as having been handed a different set of cards. I have been given a different life than the people I met in Panama and Ghana, just as they have been given a different life than me. This does not make one way of life better than the other, nor does it make one way of living more correct. It is just the fact of the matter that trying to help others should not be such a shameful matter.

For me, what it comes down to, is that I choose to go on Global Brigades trips to help. I do not do it out of a sense of power, or righteousness, or because I think I should share my so-called “privilege”. Rather, I choose to serve to see the smiles on the kids’ faces when I pick them up in the air and spin them around. I want to help because I have seen and I have studied what happens when people drink unclean water, do not get proper vaccinations, and live their lives without ever seeing a doctor. I am studying nursing because the mere definition of the word is “a person who is trained to care”. I want to care for those around me and those out of my reach. I am dedicating my life to caring for others, and by providing medical attention to people who otherwise would not receive any, I feel as if I am doing my utmost to help, in any way, both big and small, that I can.

As Illich made me believe, I do not mean to impose myself on people who do not want help from an ‘over-privileged, college-educated, narcissistic white kid’. I do not mean to deepen the wounds of injustice. And I do not think of myself as a do-gooder who is merely trying to bulk up my personal résumé. I really, really, from the bottom of my heart, only wish to help. I wish to use the cards I have been dealt to broaden my horizons, to open my eyes, and to attempt to do what I can to help those who could maybe use a bit of it.

I formed relationships during my time in Panama and in Ghana unlike any other relationships I have back home. To this day, it amazes me that I was able to, somehow, communicate with a little boy in Ghana named Abudu. I did not speak Fante and he did not speak English, yet for four days we were, basically, inseparable. He opened my heart in ways that nobody else ever has, and he made my entire trip worth every single second and every single penny. Every single day he would be waiting in the schoolyard when our bus pulled up, and every single evening he would be waving from the schoolyard as our bus pulled away. He would sit outside whatever station I was working in and wait for me to get the chance, or quick second, to play a game with him. On the day we left, I felt my heart rip to shreds as he started crying when I told him, in broken Fante, that we would not be coming back anymore, that it was our last day, and we were going home.

And that’s when it hit me hard. Abudu’s situation was permanent, and I was flying home, back to America, to live the so-called “American dream”, the next day. Our lives were different, our homes were different, and our futures were different, yet in four days we formed a friendship that has changed my life forever. He left an indelible mark on my heart. He opened my eyes to the goodness and sincerity of a child, to the hope and laughter that a child fills you with, and to the feeling of your heart exploding in pure joy.

And that is the reason I choose to volunteer.

Despite what Illich thinks, I do not volunteer because I feel empowered, and privileged, and justified. And I do not volunteer because I am white, and educated, and “privileged”. Rather, I serve to see the smile on Abudu’s face when he sees our bus pull into the schoolyard. I serve to attempt to lessen the illnesses acquired because of a lack of clean water, simple vaccinations, and basic medical care. I serve to feel my heart explode with happiness when I look into the eyes of a child who has changed my life more than he will ever know. And I serve because that feeling, of joy and happiness and love, really makes the complexity of service not so complex after all. It breaks it down and shows the truth: that volunteering is as simple as helping, and more importantly, is as fundamental as love.

And this is the reason I volunteer. To see this smile.