season’s beatings

8/14/2019 Season’s Beatings

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SEASON’S BEATINGS

The Holidays can be sooooo stressful…

MY BOX LET ME DOWNAt the Holiday Party, FabianFabianFabianFabian selected a box from under the tree. While the inquisition elf

questioned him, Fabian found that his box was empty…unless the gift was meant to be tree-green tissue paper. Even good old Charley Brown gets a lump of coal. But it turns out that The

Fabe had picked up a mere prop box that was part of the church’s seasonal décor! Making

another selection, Fabian got a gift from Santa after all. At the end of the evening, there was anunclaimed gift on the table. Hmmm. Sherlock Downey, Jr. might suggest that someone else had

selected yet another prop during the course of the festivities, thus creating an extra true gift! It’s

elementary.

Mystery Box Creepy Elf eying Fabian’s box



BLITZING BLITZEN Speaking of the church holiday décor, earlier in the month your favorite blog had reported on the

wood sculpture carved by some twisted Geppetto. Posing with the Perv Santa has now become a

ritual—like kissing the Blarney Stone or mounting Rudolph.

Apparently Mario hoped to put Blitzen out of his misery with a loaded finger gun.

Like when you hold your girlfriend’s hair whileshe toilet-pukes, Ron held Blitzen’s head until theordeal was over.

Willie prepared to give Santa a taste of his own medicineas James had Blitzen eating out of his hand.



PASS THE HAT Sherlockian talent was also displayed by EliseEliseEliseElise who was able to deduce from the form-fitting gift-

wrap that a hat was available among the presents. Recall that Elise is such a Mad Hatter that shemakes her own Mad Hatter hats for Mad Hatter Club Nights, and she marched as Madam Hatter

in the Mad Mardi Gras parade. So she was able to sniff out that Stetson and crowned herself

with panache. Alas, it was stolen by DavidDavidDavidDavid who looked very dashing and rhinestone cowboyish

(considering that he is the Oom-Pah-Pah Pride of Milwaukee); but he got his comeuppance whenMarilynnMarilynnMarilynnMarilynn made the second steal and the Stetson was then out of play.

Elise Cowpoke David and Creepelfa

At least three other Western Stars had owned the Stetson in the past since it originally surfaced atthe 2005 Holiday Party. A classic is always in style. Other gifts of the evening popular with

thieves included binoculars, chocolates and porn.

Marilynn knows why Elise is smiling. SurlySanta will take care of her before the nightends.

The tables turned during an M.C. usurptionas the capable Steve put Creepelfa into thehot seat.



MILK ME Here’s to more scandalous shenanigans and a bright new year at HMRC! When in doubt, keepdancing.

season’s beatings

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