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Erowid Experience ID: 89145 The End Of All Existence by Yikes

I had previously known had ceased to exist. I was face to face with what looked like an entitycomposed of hundreds of my faces. They were all leering at me in the sort of way that mademe feel like they were happy in the knowledge I had nally gone insane. I immediately wincedin my mind and tried to tell myself everything was going to be all right but at the same time Iwas terried and had no idea why I was seeing what I saw. As if my subconscious was answering

my fears, a voice said from behind me This is a bad trip (my name). You are going to have todeal with it. I tried screaming how but as the monster made up of all my faces moved closer,my body seemed to crumble into multiple interlocking puzzle pieces which made it impossible torun or defend myself. Eventually these puzzle pieces became so distorted and strung out, I couldno longer identify them as my body. I could vaguely remember something called salvia but Imade no connection from the drug to where I was. All my hope of ever returning to reality wasbeginning to fade.

I soon became aware of other entities besides the one made up of my faces. Instead of beingsomething I could see they were more of a group of intelligent but malicious and cruel beings thathad come to speak to me. We communicated through thoughts because I could not see them butat this point in the salvia dimension I had no eyes to perceive them with. I would think a mix of words and emotions about those words and the salvia creatures would respond in the same way.The initial message I got from them was that my entire life had just been my imagination. It wassimilar to the point when you wake up from a dream and realize that all the events that happenedto you in it did not exist even though at the time you thought it to be reality. What I was goingthrough and where I was exceeded my expectations a million times over about what I thoughdying would be like. What was happening was so un-earth-like yet so real. I found the messagethe salvia creatures were telling me to be very convincing. I was now sure that I had always beenin this dimension for eternity and that I always would be here. There was no reality except forthis one that I now found myself in.

Suddenly from the back of my mind there was a burst of thought. Salvia! I exclaimed in mymind to the creatures. Since they could see my every thought I did not form many words in mymind. My rational mind was trying to use this drug called salvia as a bridge to reality from whereI was. The emotion I was feeling was sudden hope in the face of sheer terror. The only thingI can compare it to is when death row inmates are about to be executed. They often feel thedelusion that they are going to be saved, that at the last moment they will halt the procedure.The saliva creatures instead of being angry that I was going to escape, simply communicated tome the general vibe that thats what everyone tells themselves when they nally wake up. Theyseemed amused that I was lling out the stereotype of someone who has just woken up in anapparently insane dimension of reality that they had really been in all along.

I dont know how I got to the next part of the trip from here. When I try to remember it, I can

limit down to three guesses as to why I arrived there. Either the salvia creatures were punishingme for trying to convince myself it was not real, they were trying to help me by showing me justhow real the reality of the salvia was, or the third option was that once they had completed theirobligatory role of explaining reality to the newcomer, they lost interest and left me to myself.Anyways I lost all awareness of existence. Everything I had ever known in my entire life vanished.All my memories, experiences, insights, emotions, all vanished. All my knowledge of what the

Exp Year: 2010 Added to Database: Dec 23, 2012Gender of reportee: maleGenerated by exp pdf.pl v.1.35 using perl & pdfL ATEXon Wed Oct 9 07:39:54 2013 GMT.

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universe was, that time was, vanished. I ceased to understand that existence in itself existed.I cannot determine how long I spent in this phase because there was no concept of time. For aneternity everything about me did not exist except for the fact that I was directly experiencing thisphenomena. I was a direct witness to this yet had no idea that I was the witness, nor that thenothing I was witnessing was separate from the witness. All was one and one was all.

Eventually I was basically born again. In the middle of eternity suddenly there was a spark of awareness. Up until this point I had lost my body so I felt no physical sensations but I becameaware of one thing. I was extremely uncomfortable and to the point where that was all I knew. Ihad no thoughts except for this primordial discomfort.

Soon after I became uncomfortable I became aware of two surfaces. Once again my entire identitywas composed of these two surfaces. As I began to manifest more and more though, my discomfortand dismal hopelessness increased. The two surfaces appeared out of nowhere, it was like out of thevacuum of space; the emptiness was torn in half and folded to support these two surfaces. Lookingback on the trip this was the rst point when I became aware of matter. As my direct experienceof reality turned to three-dimensional from nothing it was extremely unpleasant. Before these two

surfaces my perception was just part of the nothingness but when the two surfaces became theonly thing I knew my perception attached itself to the two surfaces. The reason this was all souncomfortable was that I felt like my perception was being crushed by the two surfaces. The entireweight of existence, the entire weight of this universe that my senses told me was real, was crushingdown these two surfaces together.

It got worse and a point arose out of the two surfaces. Instead of two planes of existence therewas a pyramid puncturing the plane alongside it. It did not go through it just was resting on theplane with innite weight. As the progression of space occurred it seemed that time was beginningto slide back into existence from nothingness. Once again my perception or mind was trappedbetween these two planes but the pyramid or spike made it even more unbearable as the weightof reality constricted to a single point at the top of the triangle. This was the rst cosmic goalI had after being reduced to nothing. I became aware that I was suffering and that existence didnot have to play out like this. My entire existence seemed to be for the sole purpose of escapingthis entrapment or at least making it less uncomfortable. As time became more and more realyears passed as the pyramid slowly grew. I had neither identity nor hopes during those years, onlya subconscious desire to unstick myself from this weight of reality.

Eventually the plane of existence behind the pyramid became a cube. I realized that the three-sidedpyramid that had been the bane of my existence was one side of a four-sided three-dimensionalcube. At this point there was no plane of existence only the cube comprising the entire universe.After spending so many years feeling the weight of the upper cube of existence I began to identifywith the lower plane as being me or my mind. It was this that caused the lower plane to crumpleup and become a globe or blob that was stuck to the edge of this cube. The cube was the universethat was slowly and painfully creeping back into the awareness of my mind, which was the lowerplane that became the blob. I had regressed so innitely that the only way the universe couldmake itself aware to me was through direct contact. Time seemed to speed up and I felt like Ispent only a couple of months with my mind attached to the cube.


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insignicant we all are in the entire history of our universe so whenever I start thinking about itwhen anxious it makes whatever caused my anxiety to seem less bad.

The rst time I tried LSD I was fortunate enough to be with two very helpful and nice girlswho were experienced with it, I feel that the salvia denitely helped me have a nice rst acidtrip though. The hour that the effects slowly built up over felt like an eternity compared to the

twenty disorienting seconds it takes to reach a salvia peak. Reading the book the PsychedelicExperience by Timothy Leary was pivotal as well but the saliva made it so my expectations werefar from overwhelmed.

For anyone who reads this and is making the decision to never do saliva, dont think your experiencewill automatically be similar to mine. I plan to have a breakthrough on saliva before I die whichwill most likely require me to do it several more times. If I have any advice for someone who isgoing to do saliva for the rst time or do enough to have a level V or I trip; my advice wouldbe to ponder rst how insignicant you are in the grand scheme of things, also try to be satisedwith life at that point. I know that is a pretty difficult thing to ask but when you feel like youhave lived a good life then it probably wont feel as horrifying when it all disappears.

Good Luck


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