s.divinorum effects beautiful

7/27/2019 S.divinorum effects beautiful

1/4

Erowid Experience Vaults Report Id: 86484

Goodbye Reality, Goodbye Universe

by Hubert Cumberdale

Dose: T+ 0:00 smoked Salvia divinorum extract

Body weight: 155.00 lbs

So Ive been meaning to write this down for some time but havent had the time nor clear mindto do it. I had an experience on Salvia that was, is, and remains incomparable to anything I haveever experienced in my life and its still affecting me in a very big (and negative) way.

I was pretty new to smoking cannabis, I had done it a couple times in high school but its onlybeen in the past couple months that I smoked it regularly (and by regularly I mean aprox. threetimes a week). At first it was a sort of time-stretched feeling that I liked and then it became moreintrospective, more self-examining experience and I usually didnt like what I saw. Anyways, fastforward a couple more weeks and I decided I wanted to try acid for the first time, took 2 hitsand had a great trip, visuals werent too crazy, but it was a mindfuck for sure, words started tolose their meanings and musical phrases seemed just as valid a form of communication as a verbalphrase.

Anyways. . . . my buddy tells me hes got salvia, Id heard of it and at this point I was reallyinterested in trying any drug I could get my hands on. Essentially my mindset was this: hey, Ivedone LSD, I can do any drug. They only drug I knew that would be stronger then acid wasDMT. I knew all drugs created different reactions in different people, but I honestly didnt expectmuch from Salvia because: 1) it was legal, 2) everyone I knew who took it told me they thoughtit was like weed. Harmless enough, right? As I get to my friends place, he tells me that he had

a crazy dreamlike trip where he was hang-gliding over Kansas or something the night before, andit scared him so he didnt want to repeat. Hang-gliding? Shit, Ill hang-glide.

So he gives me the pipe, fills it with Salvia, lights it for me and as I inhale, he tells me to breatheit in deep and hold. I do as Im told and hold the smoke in for at least 15-20 seconds. ZeppelinsNo Quarter in the background, Im ready to have a cool trip.

Now let me interrupt for a second. I didnt know what extract it was, it really didnt matter in mymind. I guess what most people smoke is about 5x, 10x, 20x. According to my friend, who got itfrom another friend, this was 90x. (I know theres some debate about extract levels and potency,but this is all I know about the salvia I personally smoked). Needless to say, I had no clue I wasin store for a level 5 trip into another fucking dimension.

Then, out of nowhere, the second I exhaled, I felt like someone had punched me in the face. Theair left my lungs, and I was in the most vulnerable state in my entire life. For some reason, thedark texture of the salvia reminded me of poison, and suddenly I felt like I had just smoked leador something. Almost immediately, extremely venomous looking kaleidoscope patterns filled mostof my vision. They were fractal shaped patterns that covered most of vision. The only thing I

Exp Year: 2010 Added to Database: Nov 26, 2011

Gender of reportee: male

Generated by exp pdf.pl v.1.35 using perl & pdfLATEX

on Tue Oct 8 12:26:45 2013 GMT.

http://erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=86484

c2013 by erowid.org
http://erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=86484http://www.erowid.org/http://www.erowid.org/http://erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=86484


2/4

Erowid Experience ID: 86484 Goodbye Reality, Goodbye Universe by Hubert Cumberdale

could make out was my fucking phone on the table. I struggled to breathe, I could hardly speakbut all I could muster was get that out of here as I pointed to the phone, its led screen shiningthrough the fractal shapes. I think at that point I didnt even know what a phone was, but forsome reason it needed to go. My friend took it and put in the back room. When he returned, Iwas a soulless shell.

I felt the most intense feeling of d[U+FFFD] vu as all sense of self died. I had been here before!Now why the fuck would I ever return? The idea of taking this drug recreationally seemed asna[U+FFFD], foolish, and immature as anything you could ever imagine. It was like hell, honestly,in the sense that you could have never imagined something so horrifying and evil that it really isineffable, its purely impossible to explain - but youre there, and youre definitely experiencing it.There is nothing in this dimension to relate it to. Quite literally, there are no words to explainwhat I felt other then complete and utter despair and fear. Reality just broke apart and I was leftin this fractal void. I couldnt speak, I couldnt feel any part of my body, ideas broke down to thepoint where I couldnt think for myself, the images I was seeing were more intense then I couldeven register, so much so that the entire experience was sort of like sensory overload overdriven tothe max. I guess my eyes were open and I was just sitting there with a stupid look on my face,but I was in a completely different dimension.

I can remember a couple parts of this extremely confusing and disorienting experience, but likeI said earlier, its hard to put it in words. My friend asked me something like you tripping?But it just kept skipping, like you-you- tri-trip-trip-trip-trip-tripi-trippi, suddenly the words losttheir meanings and it became really sloppy sounding, the visuals skipped with it, and it was likeeverything in the room started to pull apart and I started to see layers within everything. It waskind of like the cover of Pink Floyds Ummagumma, but everything was losing its detail andgaining new detail. The visuals were kind of like if you could imagine flying through an image ormaybe traveling through two mirrors facing each other and just having the pattern of what youreseeing fall into itself and then reform and repeat. Now, this sounds cool and all, but at this point

I had no clue I was under any kind of drug, I didnt know who I was or where I was, I just hadthis feeling, an extremely overwhelming feeling, that I had caused this disaster. I somehow didsomething extremely bad that caused the universe to collapse on itself. Now, this was an extremelypersonal experience and I felt no connection to any other life forms at all, I was a prisoner in myown mind, I built reality in my own mind, and now I accidentally did something that just broughteverything crashing down. It was a devastating solipsist experience.

I remember the feeling that within the fractal quickly evolving matrix was a choir of cartoon-esqueobjects created in the kaleidoscope pattern that were singing to me about the trip, ushering me in,I remember seeing twisted pictures of my friends face, but nothing was disjunct, or cut up like afilm; it was all a fluid evolution from one thing to another, but it was so complex and overwhelming

that my mind could not comprehend what I was seeing. Everything was alien, nothing was realor even tangible, I could see it clearly, and yet it somehow was so intense, so bizarre, that iteluded my minds ability to process it all. Oh and all the while, I was listening to Zeppelins TheOcean, the constant beat and Robert Plants Ah-hah playing in the background, but I didnteven remember it until weeks later under weed listening to the same record.

I felt gravitys pull, but it was pulling me sideways. I felt an extremely strong tug downward, and




on Tue Oct 8 12:26:45 2013 GMT.

2


c2013 by erowid.org


3/4


this intensified as the trip became more and more intense. Suddenly, I felt like I couldnt graspwhat I was seeing anymore. Not that I could before, but before I felt like I was a slave to thehallucinations, I couldnt think for myself, I couldnt reassure myself that I was on a drug, mymind was spent completely. I felt like a vegetable, who couldnt even grasp what he was seeing.Now, my mind was trying to grasp it, but it couldnt, I felt my mind desperately trying to grab

at ideas but it couldnt quite reach. This inability to grasp the I trip, coupled with unbearablepins and needles and an extreme downward pull, started to create some sensation of self (or abody) but I felt like it was stretched out over the entire field of my vision: I had become the 2dimensional image of this warped and constantly moving alternate dimension. Suddenly it beganto fall apart and I felt like I was freefalling through this picture. . . while I was the picture.

As my field of vision was warped and reassembling and being pulled apart, I felt my own bodyfalling apart. Now, while this was all happening, I suppose I got up, started stumbling across theroom, knocked a bunch of shit over and then fell back and almost broke my friends table. Needlessto say, all the glass pieces were knocked on the floor and I was stumbling around like some kindof village drunk in some old irish novel. Suddenly, as I was fighting for my life, trying to climbout of the layers of reality that were falling around me, I saw my friends girlfriends face trying tohold me. Apparently, they were trying to subdue me for some time, but being that I was racingfor my life in another dimension, falling to my death through millions of layers of reality; it was alittle hard to get through to me. But the second I saw her face, I suddenly realized that I was ahuman, that I had taken a drug, even that I was a sentient being. All of that went out the windowwith just a little bit of some good old Salvia, my only instinct was to attempt to climb out of thisracing, descending, swirling, fractal picture.

I was drenched in sweat, to the point where my clothes were dripping, my heart was racing at athousand beats per minute, and I could hardly speak as my friends placed me in a chair, askingme what I saw. I told them to give me a minute to regain my composure. Much of the room wasknocked over, but I was surprised the whole room wasnt completely destroyed because I felt like

I must have been clawing away at reality, desperately trying to escape from my personal hell. Theonly way I can honestly describe how I felt falling was down and to the right, the 3 dimensionalworld fell apart and I could only perceive things in a 2 dimensional light.

Jesus Christ, my entire perception of reality was annihilated under the drug. The term ego deathdoesnt even begin to describe what I felt, but there was nothing to be gained from where I was.It was pure insanity to the nth degree. I had gone in expecting some kind of spiritual experienceor something meaningful that I could come away with, but there was none of that in salvialand;this was pure, unfiltered madness to a degree I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

Alright, this is where I started having problems. Right when I came back from salvialand, myfriends let me lie down and watch a movie with them, I was shaking so hard - I just wanted to lay

down and relax. They encouraged me to smoke a bowl. I felt like I was mid-way through an acidtrip, and the weed just made is stronger. As we watched the film, I felt like the people on screenwere really strange looking and as we ate some food, I felt myself falling back into the salvia, notin the sense that I saw visuals, but my mind was falling back into that strange place and I couldsee in my minds eye, exactly what I hours earlier.




on Tue Oct 8 12:26:45 2013 GMT.

3


c2013 by erowid.org


4/4


The next couple times I smoked weed were similar: intense flashbacks to salvia, to the point whereit truly disturbed me. Then one day, another friend smoked me out with some hash he smokesdaily. Suddenly, I had acid-like thoughts and I had to backtrack just to realize I was in the roomwith him. Time to go, I thought, and went back to my car, but it was too strong to drive, I couldbarely talk thanks to the cotton-mouth. I tried calling a friend, but could barely communicate.

Since then, Ive been getting stronger and stronger reactions to weed. When I first started smokingafter salvia (first couple weeks), I would feel the salvia-sensation: extreme pins and needles and Iwould feel like Im being pulled downward. I could play with my depth perception, but sometimesif I stared at something too long, I got the sensation that there was no depth perception, that Iwas looking at a 2 dimensional image that covered my entire field of vision and then I could seelittle parts of that image moving and falling apart (like a much less intense version of what wentdown in salvialand). Peoples faces also seem to be hovering over their face. When Im stonedaround my friend who was my salvia trip-sitter, if I look him directly in the face, the rest of theroom (or my perception of everything in my peripheral) creates this kind of tunnel effect that leadsstraight to his face another thing I think I remember feeling under Salvia, but Im not quite sureI remember it. Pictures start to dance just like a low-level acid trip. . . calling it strange is a more

then a colossal understatement, weed has been taking me to a weird twisted version of the normalworld, something it never did before. When Im sober, floaters and white specs really dominatemy vision; it gets kind of distracting when I look up at the sky.

The reason Im putting this out there is because the day before yesterday was the worst, I feltanxiety and fear unlike anything Ive ever felt. I started to question my own reality; the way objectslook on weed began to look extremely disturbing, people started look disturbingly alien (as if itwas the first time I had ever laid eyes on a human before), I felt as if I was realizing somethinghumans arent supposed to realize. I was beginning to see things working behind the scenes, andit was frightening as hell. Its kind of like that splinter in your mind that reality isnt what youvealways thought it to be, and now that you know the truth, it will haunt you forever. I have trouble

even relating to my memories, my past, my identity, who I thought I was and who I wanted tobe. For the first time in my life, I feel afraid. Of what, I have no idea. But its this feeling, itsdeep within me. I think I might have to stop all drugs for good if I ever want to feel normalagain. Its depersonalization and derealization to degree that really frightens me, Ive never felt soalien, I never knew anyone could feel so alien and alone. I never felt much emotion throughoutmy life, never was afraid of much, never cried over anything, never was very emotionally attachedto anybody or anything. But now Im scared of something I cant even put into words, and Ivebroken down a couple times trying to explain it to people. Difficult experience is right.

My biggest fear now is that when Im not feeling this intense and overwhelming panic, I cant evenrelate to it in the slightest bit, and all thats on my mind is, I feel fine, hey, Im ready to do some

more drugs.




on Tue Oct 8 12:26:45 2013 GMT.

4


c2013 by erowid.org

s.divinorum effects beautiful

Documents