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Scrub, Timothy..An essay upon something: or something of an essay. Being a full andcompleat answer to all that has been, or can be published by the infamous, ...London,

1731. 29pp. Social Sciences

Full Citation | eTable of Contents

Title Page OR of 29

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[

]

lick

that

is his

Country

lofes

the

Adval

t age which he might be

of

to his Country.

Modefl:y

is

certainly an amiable Virtue

but we

are fo accufrom d toMifnomers as

tbe

Lawyers

term

them

that we are very

a.pt

to

deck

Vice with

the Name

of Virtue

andim-

pore al l our felv s as well as others: I have

often hea.rd a timid Bafhfulnef6 caII d by

the Name of Modefty; and have knownMcn

of

bright Parts

do

the Injury to the Publick

of fecretin g themfe ves, belng

confcious that

they

mip ht not make that igu.re in theiye

s

of tbe World

whicb might be

expected

from

them.

Tbis

c iminal

I

my [elf lVas

long

of

this la

of [en

and had not the Interefr of my Count ry a

waken cl me to a modefl:

AiTllrance

thofe

happy Talents with which Nature bas blefs d

me

\\ oul j have been loft in ObEt/ion.

Hunger

has

inJeed often admonih d

me

to {hake

if

this falfe

MQdefty,

whic

leads

us il1to an unj llflinahIe

Indolence:

But even

Hunger

hr over me

wl1idJ

my dear UIlf tlJ has, and wh alone has been

pre-


2/31

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Source Citation: Scrub, Timothy.An essay upon something: or something of an essay.

Being a full and compleat answer to all that has been, or can be published by the infamous,

knitty, lousy, shabby, scabby, paultry, insignificant, venemous, billingsgate, pickpocket

son-of-a-whore Caleb DAnvers Esq; By Timothy Scrub, of Rag-Fair, Esq;London, 1731.

Eighteenth Century Collections Online. Gale Group.

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Gale Document Number: CW3306830606

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Copyrightand Terms of UseO SON

L


3/31

U PO

SOM THING

OR

O

N

y

TIMOTHY

SCRUB

of Rag Fair

Efq


4/31

AN

U P O N

SOM THIN

O F N

Being a full and compleat Anfwer to all

that

has bem,

or call be

publiJl ed

by

that

-

famous; Knitty Loufy Shabby Scabby

Paultry Inilgnificant Venemous Billingf-

gate Pickpocket Son of a Whore

Ch LEB

D N Y E R S Efq;

By T I M O T H Y SCRUB of Rag Fair Efq;

And here it cannot

be

improper to ot[er tJe, thP.t any Author.

who his U?ritings has no Manner

of

Regard to

Truth

Imd breaks through the eftablifhed Rules of

Decency

ana

Good Manners

will do

J,mJeIf much more Harm, than

the Perfon

he

writos againjl.

A

ReRder

mrtjl

be extream-

dull, who

is

not able to dlj1ingttrfh

Truth

from

Pal1ion

Ilna

Rearon from Refentmc:nt.

. Letter

to

the King of

Sparfa.

L 0 N IJ 0

Printed for S. W ST near St. PauJ f.

173L


5/31

~

U PO

THING

T

is a

very

gfeat :M isfortune

to a Man of Merit to be

~

ried in Obfcurity: For Want

of being known he not on-

ly

leads an uncomfortable

Life himfelf but

his

Coun

try

is deprived of thore alents

which

might be vaftly advantageous the Pub

lick


6/31

]

lick that is, his Country lofes the

Advan.

tage which he

might

be

of

to his Country.

Modefty is certainly

an

amiable

Virtue;

but we are fa accuR:om d toMifnorners, as the

Lawyers

term them that

we are very

apt

to

deck Vice with

the Name of

Virtue, and

im-

pofe on our [elves, as well as others; have

often heard a

timid

Baihfulnefli call d by

the Name ofModefty;

and

have known

Men

of bright Parts

do

the

Injury

to the

Publick

of

fecreting themfelves,

being

confcious

that

they

might not make that Figure in the Eyes

of

the World, which

might

be expected from

them. . hisis criminal

I

my

felf was long

of

this Clafs of Men;

and

had not the Intereft

of

my Country a

waken d

me to a rnodeR: AfTurance, thofe

happy Talents with l,vhich Nature has blefs d

me} would have been ft in Oblivion.

Hunger

has in


7/31

[

,re

valent enough to

make

me draw

y

Pen.

-

lance

before this have qppear d

in

Print;

but

it

was on the Side

of

a Party and anIy

as a SpeGimen which thinks itfel power

fuHy fupported by

ruth n d ~ e d

I wrote

then againft

my Inclination;

but I was

in

Hopes, t h ~ t thore for whom I have a Ten.,

deney, would have thought it worth

their

while to have bought

me

off,

and have em-

play d

me

onthe other Side ofthe

Queftion;

as I gave

them

a

true Detail

of

my

extraor

dinary

Qualifications.

This was aCting

like a Politician indeed;

for I look upon

it

one

of

:the fureft Marks

of a Statefman, the being quite different

from what he appears,

and

the

having

ruth

Abhorrencc.

-

But I fear I was too refin d for the

Heads

of that Party I wifh to

rerve;

fince I ha

ve

rcmark d, that

a fhort-fighted

Man

b r i n g ~

the ObjeCt he would examine to a very near

Diflance.

The Piece I now write, is to rouze thore

Gentlemen, for whore Intereft I

am

zealous,

to

-


8/31

[ 4 ]

to take notice

of

what I am capable

if

theY

take me up

and: put me

in the u f t o ~ y

of

a

:i\fefTenger

I may

in fpite of themfelves be

of

Service to them for

both

their and

my

NecdIities are

fo great it

is poffible we

might

beget a very feafonable Plot which

would

be

of great Ufe to the Publick at the

prefrnt

Writing. For

I have

little

C1lzfeience and

they

a great

deal

of j l o n ~ } qUilndo Pecunia

gig

nit Iaper

Confcientiam

that

is

whe :

:Mony gets aftride

upon Confcience ris very feldom but the

Iffue is

of

great dvantage to the Common

wealth.

i Oculus v

mi

us

mew If

I and v

J

Friend laid our Heads and Purfes together

faciamus puteum fatis we may do well enough:

And really I don t think there s

any

Inequa-

lity

for Caput llfZ Zmm againft Cmmenam l l -

cuam; and

Caput ftvffatllm

againft Crumenam

fluifatam

is but juft

on

both Sides.

That

I have an

Abounding Head

there

Ef

rays

will

evince

that my

Friend or he

whom I am a

Friend

to has an Aboundinr;;:

Pu;Ie

~ r y

Englifhman

will

bear Witnefs;

for


9/31

[ 5 ]

for

But my Reader has nothing to

do

with what was

going to fay; he pays only

for

what

I r y ~

beg Leave

to

detain my candid Reader

ut a very little longer in this my n t r o ~

duction; and it is to convince him that the

Love

o

my

Coumry

is

the only Reafon which

induces me to appear a fecond Time

in

Print.

was

directed by a Gentleman who

knows my Value to apply myfelfto a cer

tain Perfon in A

~ -- - n-Strer:t.

unhappily

mifl:ook the Door.

fent up

my

laft Per-

formance to the Mafter of the Hcmfe with

the Page doubled down where

:give an

Account

of

my felf: The Gentleman fent

1-Vord, He envy d my happy Talents, wlJic J

[vouid

certainly raife me,

I

addrefs d

my

l to

his

Next-doo, Neighbour.

was

loth to lofe

my

Labour and went

as ad vis d; but The Porter told me

His Mafter had already expericnc d that

Men of my Character only made Things

w ~ r f e

But

heark ye [aid

he

in

Ear can

Joufight?

humm d

on

the Q .leftion, having

never ask d

it

of

my

felf; and after a while

.

begg


10/31


11/31

]

obftinately ihuts his Eyes> to ling to the

deaf?

or

advire a Coward not to fuffer re

peated Baftinadoes?

And

yet

we

fee our

Authors of the firft

C1 afs

endeavouring

at

thefe Impoffibilities. The Flying

Pojf

the

Free Briton the

London

Journal are all guil

ty of

there Follies when they attempt the

making an

obftinate, ftupid, ungrateful Peo

ple fenfible of, and thankful for the Blef

:G ngs

they enjoy under

a

vigilant and wife

Adminiftration.

We

are generally malevolent

in

~

Na

ture Self-Love and Envy often fhuts our

Eyes, and clofes our Ears, to

the real

Virtues

of our Fellow-SubjeCt; but guickens the

Sight, and makes us attentive to the Vices

laid

to their Charge, however fiCtitious;

efilecially, if the Subjects

of

our Envy

: as

by his confpicuollS Talents made himfelf

our

S

. /

upeno .

This

is

the evident

Reafon

why that Bole

feu, the Cmftfman is generally read, and the

Papers above mentioned almofi

as

general

ly neglected; tho its plain the Productions

ofthefc Authors thew a Genius vamy fupe

figr to that

of

N T

D

Awzms.

h r ~


12/31

[ 8 ]

There may,

indeed

be another Reafon

~

ledged

..\Thich

is,

that

the

Genius

of

the

En-

glifb is fa

bent

to Politicks,

that they

can

not abide

anyThing

which bears the Mark of

mth

and as Squire aleb is

an

inexhauftible

Source

of Lies it

will

not be thought

f t r a n g e ~

that

the

u ~ u b r t i o n s

ofthat

fenfelefs

Pimp

that defpicable Tool that fcandalous 1n-

cendiary

that

emrious

Detractor that

Son

of

a ,Vhore,

that

Vilain that RaiCal, Beg_

gar Scoundrel, Billingfgate, Sodomitical

Perjlir d,

Empty Heretical Pett

y-fogging,

Dabbler

in

Politicks,

that

Tray

tor, Jacobite,

Enemy to hisCountry,

Hireling Stentoropho-

nick Tube to the

Devil

fhould

allure

while

theWorks ofPatriots,Men ofHonour andCon

fcience, who write from a

publick Zeal who

lay themfelves out for the

publick

Good

and expect no

Reward

but

that

which at

tends i r ~ u c are fo little taken notice of,

that they hardly pay the Prers

and

Paper

What in the

Name of

ti ifer and all his

Fiends the

infpiring Genii of

the

Craft man

would

the People be at? What the raftfmaij

aims at is viiible: He would write his

Patrons

into the Adminiftration; and

then

hopes:


13/31

[ 9 ]

hopes his dirty

Work

will

be

rewarded with

a

Pofl

He

would

make

the People

the

Rounds

of a

Ladder

for his

Patrons

a:ld

h i m ~

felf to mount

by;

and then make them n ~

frble of the

imaginary

Evils

he has found

out

or them.. He makes

a noble

Perran

noted

for his

confummate

Wifdam

and

Ex-

perience,

a Perfon who is the Prodigy of

the Age,

and will make

the

moft

:hining

Figure in

Biftary;

he makes

him, I

[ay, a

Bcar and make

us

the Dogs to bait him.

Vas

there

ever

fuch

Impudence

on

one

Side,

and

fuch Stupidity

on

the other But I hope

to fee the Scoundrel made an Ev que de Cam

pagnl. ,

{pt i I dOni1ei Z

uei1f:diflion

ar::ec

les

pieds

But rot

him,

H:-lllging is too

good for fuch

a

Catamite,

[uell

a

Coxcomb,

fuch a muaal

Scribler,

fuch a T--- d - -

Can

this fellow, this :Mufhroom, prove

any

of the

Evils

which take Birth in his Pa-

pers,

from

their

Con[quences?

No;

the Dog knows he cannot:

But

I

will

prove

the :onfcqucnces

of

thofe

Vices,

which

is

fcurrilous, defamatory Pen

lays

~ t

the Door of a great

Man and)

as we are

C Strangers


14/31

-

[ JO ]

Strangers to

fuch

Confequences

prove as

clear

as

poilibly any Thing can be proved

that he is an impudent brazen-faced hollow

hearted noify empty Jackanapes a Prig

and a Lying Jack-a-Dandy; and I now give

him theLye. aleb An Vti J Vhen you fay we

are not a rich People you

lye;

not a

p w r ~

ful People you lye egregiouDy; not reve

red for

our Councils at Home and dreaded

abroad the Terror of our Arms you lye

monftrouDy; not a flourifhing Nation you

lye

impudently; that our Trade

is

not

exte-

nuated mea

Extended

you lye horridly;

that we are

a

divided Nation you lye fil

thily; that you ever told a

Word of

Truth

you lie in your Throat; and as I have

crammed the

Lye

there

l l

make you fival

low

it;

I ll thruft it into your Stomach;

ram it into your Bowels where it fhall

work till you make more wry Faces than

you would with

a

Fit

of

the Cholick or the

Singing

TOur

Penitential P[alm under a

Beam

defl:incd for fuch Rogues as you

are.

Tis very common for the rafifmanto lay

to

w

Charge

nf

a

gi erzt im

a

moft

noble Per-

b;7

the enriching himfelf and

.Family as

.a

heinoui


15/31

i

]

heinous Crime; and not lefs frequently does

he

tax

him

with

Folly: How evident a

Con-

tradiction is this?

Had

he

tax d him with

being

a eggflr and a

Fool

the

Puppy

had

been confifient. ut it

is

an incorrigible

illiterate Blockhead.

There is Jlardly a Crime

which

any vi-

cious Minifier

has been

iloted

for in Hif-

tory, but he rakes it up, and lays the Loa

at the Door of this good

and

great

Man

and

he made

to

anfwer as the Principle,

for

the Mifcarriages, Blunders, and Overfights

of other People, though

il l

another King-

dam: Nay, I have heard this truly noble

Patriot

accufed

as the Author of Wood s

Pro

jects, both of that of

the

a l f ~ e n c e in

Ire-

land

(though

I

believe this

great

Ivlan was

never in that Kingdom,) and of that in

ngland

for refining or fmelting Iron. And

yet I have

heard hIs

Enemies acknowledge

he

never yet

rcfin d

Upon

any Thing; and

that

he

woulcf

as

foon

meddle with

Poifon

as

Fire.

this g n ~ a t Man anfwer d the Picture

which the i nfamous Caleb draws for

him

the

Confequences

would

[Don

juftify the Charge

C 2 . fat


16/31

[

]

for if he bv bribed Parliaments

:l1:ruck

at

-

our L i b e r t i e ~ ;:ue not the Funds fettled

-by

ACt of Parliament? Has he not a fl:anding

Army;>

and cm

it

l1 Jt 1112.kc

thole Funds

pcrpetu:.il,

and

f l l ~ u r c Parliaments unne

c d r ~ r T > And

has

any Thing like

this

been

att ;mpted? Has a de:l;otick

rower

been

ever

fqilinted

at?

~ Y

Jocs

not

the AfTertion

of

t h ~ t

R-::ptile,

Cde: prO\:(

th:lt grc:lt

7\ a

1125

not;li 1g

more at Heart tLau

cur Li

belti;:::> ; [Cl if a Parliament is the Barrier

b ; : t ~ \ e c n

the

Prerogative ()f the Crown,

and

the

Liberty

of

the

People, how

much

are

\ C

oblig d to him who 11aJces it his

BuD-

n::[s to pick

out l \ l e l ~

of Probity

to dif-

c:::uge fo great a Truft and guides

the

C h n i ~ of the Freeholders at the Expence

of

his Puree,

knowing

how

eafily the

com

mon People may be impofed on by fpecious

Harangues, imaginary

Dangers,

and ficti

t us Zeal.

A heavy Charge of this

Male-Content

is,

The

Spaiiiai ds

taking

our

Ships.

Had a noble

Colonel raviihed a l\Iaid

of

Honour,

would be as

jufl:

to

condemn

the Mother of

the

Maids

for the Rape: But

is the

1Varm

iNho

brings this Charge a

proper

Judge

to

d e t e r ~


17/31

[ 13

determine w11at is moft

proper?

Or can he

tell what Meafures are deiign d to aifert

the Honour of the nglifb Name, and

vin_

dicate our Dominion of the Sea? Why, No

and

that

is onc of t Rcafons for the O

verflowing of his

Gall

This feditious.

Fel

low, were he to

lay

down a Scheme of

Government,

and

not

a

vc

a

Hand

in

the

Management, would mutiny againfl: his

own l\1eafures.

If

we are forbearing, in

Hopes

of

con[erving the Peace

of

urope

we betray the Honour of the Nation,

and

ruin

our Merchants,

for

Impunity

encou

rages t ~ f frequent Depredations And

ihould wc exert ourfeJves, and demand Sa

tishtGion Sword-in-Hand,

we

l)lunge the

Nation into Calamities We are too poor

to

fupport

a

,Var;

and,

like

an

old

Maftiff

~ r h i h has loft his Teeth, we may lay hold,

but ihall not annoy: The harge of Peace

has rencler d

us

unable to fupport the -

pence

of

a

War

Now, who knows how to

pleafe this

laufy

Ragamuffian

?

Win

you

be

content with Peace? No. Will

you be

plea-

[l d with a War? No. A Truce? No. And

I

think tis plain

by

his \Vritings,

that

he

is not at all fatisfy d with the prefent hap

py

hermaphroditical State we now enjoy;

that


18/31

that

juR

Medium

of

neither Peace enough

to

become

luxurious, nor War enough

to

drein

us

Were

I a paffionate Man, this vile

Pro-

cedure would tempt me. beyond Patience;

and. wou d I follow the Example of the

fcun y

\Vri

ters on

alcb s

Side, and

retort

their Billingfgate DialeCt, how juflly might

I expecr to be excus d by the Publick; but

Decency and Mildnefs are always the Com-.

panions of

Truth

and Juftice. The Mode

ration with

which

I

treat this contemptible

Animal, is

greater

Proof

of

the

Integrity

of my Caufe, than

the

injurious beggarly

Language,

with

which

he embellifhes his

nonfenfical

Productions, can be of the

Up-

rightnefs

of

that he efpouIes. What he

wants

in

Yrttth

he fupplies

with

Scurrility

and

if he can t

argue,

he

ihews

he

can

caU

Names.

Rut

Reproof is loft on

him;

and I

mifpend Time in epdeavouring y any Re-

prefelltatiol1 to

correa

the Manners of fuch

a knitty loufy Tatterdemalion. I fhall

therefore proceed, and

hew

a

few

more

of

this

oxcomb s

Blunders.

Yot


19/31

[

J

You hall find

in

almoft one and the fame

:Sreath, he talks

of

the Poverty of the Na

tion, and our bribing all the neighbouring

States. :Now Caleb prick up your

fs s

Ears, and learn Argumentaticm. f we are

poor, how can we bribe our Neighbours?

f

we

can bribe our Neighbours,

how

can

we be poor ? You

fee

how eafily you are

confuted. This

is

your Way of forming Syl

logifms:

Who

tells Lyes

is

a Swundrel

ut newy told a Lye in Life

Ergo, am a

Scoundrel

Go to the Schools again, you Puppy: You

a

Politician

You mine

A

Wou d I recriminate upon your fquab

Patron, which I [corn to do, though

he is

a

:f ovenly

dirty, ftinking, cowardly, beg

garly Tun-of-Guts, you would be too bury

in

inventing Lyes for his Juftification to

be abufi ve and I don t know but

it

would

be the anIy Method to make you write

fomewhat more like a Gentleman, and

tre t

you. Betters with a

little

Decency; ~

I

beg


20/31

[ 6

J

I eg Pardon

for fiepping afiele to fpeak

about fuch a

C

fe

who

never

bites beyond. the Skin

and

oFlly caufcs

an

Itching when

he

fancies he has

made

his

Antagonift [mart.

As

I

abominate

the

Raking

into

Dirt

I

will leave the filthy Defcriptions of this

Pfeudo-Statefinan ; and as I promifed

ihew

the

neceffary Confequences flowing from

the Adminiihation

of

a felf-interefled lvIi

nifter;

and

as

all

the

orId

will

acknow

ledge we neither feel nor apprehend fuch

Confequences I fhall flaili Conviction in

his

Face

and every

Man

of Sente

will

pifs

upon

him if

ever he dares to prefurne to

write

again.

I

ihall

to

this

End chufe

ap

proved Hiflory; or eIre as he has the -

pudence

of

the Devil he may

pretend

to

deny my

Inferences fhould

I

make em.

I ihall

only

add

one

Thing

more to

ihew

that I am calm nd r.ot to be moved by

his l\lalice and

Calumnr;

and that is

he fuould hereafter fupported by a tripplc

Front of Bra[s take again

his

Pen in Hand

and continue his abuflve Way of Railing

he {hall be anfwered with regard to

own Cbarauc:- with

oo

eafm

and

I

hope


21/31

[

17

]

hope he

will

though I know him vilain.,

ouf1y unjufl:)

allow

I

have in

this Pam-

phlet

treated

him in

another Sort of Man.,

ner, than

he treats his Adverfaries.

But

I

mufl beg Pardon of my Reader for

a Moment, that I may, z

Pa.ffant,

take

notice of a Lunatick, Tatterdemalion Gaol

Bird, who is not of Confequenle enough

to be

the

Particular SubjeCt of my Pen.

This

Fellow

had the confummate

p u ~

dence to endeavour

at

introducing the

Tur .

kifb Polic.v among us

Protejlants

; for he hacl

read, that when in mky Perfon had fur

fer

l fame

netorious

InjltlJ in which the

Prime

ViJiet was a Confederate, or Principal or for

which he had not caufed Juflice be done,

the

Party injur d had Liberty to

~ f p e l

to

the

Grand Seignior himfelj: The Ceremony is

this: He who is aggriev d puts Fire on his

Head, enters the Seraglio, runs haftil T

anl no Boiy dare flop him,) till he comes

to the Prefence

of

the Sulta11, to whom

he

has the Liberty to flate his I 1jmJ .

Now

this

Monkey,

being

hot

headed,. and

carrying the Fire of Rancour in his Heart,

took

it into

his Fool s Noddle

,

that by a head-

D lefs


22/31

[

]

Iefs Tale of imaginary Wrongs fuffer'd from

a moft noble

Perfon

who

is

as

hul trl re

and gocd

as this Rafcal

is

enviottS

and

illy

I

fay,

he,

like a Puppy, fancy'd he could

fet

an Eng-

lifh Court in a Flame; and in

his

raving

it imagining our King

a

great u r k ~

and a great

Man

to be a Prime Vifier,

writes a Petition

to

his Majefty, and de-

fires the

Bow-String might be rent to

_ ~ -

and he might have

his

Head And this,

upon my Reputation, upon

my

Veracity,

upon my Word and Honour, and on my

Credit,

as

an impartial Author, is the Pur-

port of this Concomb's Petition.

. 'What meant he,

you'll

fay, by fuch an

idle Procedure? Why, the Fellow's mad I

told you and he's a

Milhometan,

and was

born

in

Turk ,

let

him deny

it

as

much

25 he pleafes: And

as

there it's nothing

furprizing to fee the man Abject rife at

once

to the highe Dignities, fa he had

given himfe1f this great Man's Poit; and I

fancy the following Story fell in his '\Vay'

and occanon'd his Vinons of Grandeur.

t

happcn'd it s not a

H a l f ~ P e l 1 1 1 Y

1\tatter how) that in Cvnjlrllirinople there

w ~

\


23/31

[ ]

a w s o

great a Scarcity of F1eih,

that

who was

at Market

at

the

ufual

Time

for making

their

Day's Provifion, were

obliged to

take

up

with

Duke

umphrey s

Table. Now, a Cook belonging to a

Chamber

of

Janizaries came one Morn

ing

too

late

to

get

any

Meat;

the Con

fequence of which he was

well

fatisfy'd

would be a liberal Baftinado; for that

Chamber of Janizaries would

that Day

faf t . The Reflection on the Punifhment

he was fure of, as

if

he had

it in

his Poc-,

ket

put him into a violent Paffion: He

told his Misfortune to the People

in

the

Streets exclaimed againfl:

the

GQvern

ment;

and,

with

all the Generolity ima-

ginable, was making :at v y Step, a

Prefent of fame Magiftrate or principal

Officer to the Devil.

The

Grand Seignior palling

in

Difguife,

and feeing this poor Fellow in fuch a

taking

ask'd

him

the

Reafon

of

his

Pallion.

I

fuall get no Remedy

nor you n

great SatisfaCtion, faid the Fellow,

in

fa-

2

lifying


24/31

[20 ]

c: t i s f ~ y i l g :rour Curiality; for the Grand

Seianior

alone

is able to redrefs the

l

'\\'rong by which I

am

fme to fuffer;

t h ~ T ~ o u g i 1 t s o which is the Caufe ofmy

prefent Trouble. Howe','er, on the repeat-

eel Iaflances of the Sultan, the ellow

told him his ;vIisf(xtune ; and added, that

t 1e Prime Viller, and

other

Officers, were

too intent

on

their ovm Intereils, and tl1e

c,

er:ric11ing

t h e m f e h e ~

to

loole

into

anJ

reaify t11cfe Difoders which t y thought

G bebw their

Dignity

to infpeB:; but,

were I Prime ]\{inifier, I would take

Care that t is great City ihould be fa

well

fupply'd with Fldh that it ihould

be found at

all

Hours

of

the

Da Y.

a Nmv, prar cDntinued he, what Good

has the

Telling my

Misfurtune done

yeu?

Or

what Likelihood is there ofmy

eiCapi:lg PUJliihment

?

~

Grand

Seignior

returning to the

Seraglio,

c o n f i d e ~ d 011 what the Cook

{C

had faid ; and fending for him, made

m

Prime Viiler; and it's recorded that

c the City was

wdl [en/J

under his Ad-

;

minjftration ; and that he proved

an

Ex-

cellent Minifter, Kow


25/31

[ 2 I ]

Now this

fool,

having,

I fuppofe,

nay,

~ t fignifies fuppofing,) read this

to-

ry, and I lJ

take

my Oath he has read it,

tho I never

faw

the

forry Dog in my

Life,)

I

fay, he,

upon the

Reading

the Story

I have

juft

given

you, the Numfcull,

the

Zany,

the

Bedlamite, the Pierro of

the Political

Stage, the Harlequin,

and Scaramouch,

thought

Noire:

Impudence, and

the

Title

of ,Squire, which we allow, in the Mob-Ac

ceptation;

he has

a

Right

to,)

would

raife

him from a Gaol,

as Truth did

the

Cook,

a Court: But, he is a dirty, fenfelefs,

Coxcombical, fartical,

turdical, phiftical,

and

fcphiil:ical, afthmatical Son of

a

,

I ;will

no longer

tire my Reader s

Patience,

y

a

farther Refutation

of

the Booby s 1Vri

tings, which

I

would fcorn

to

wipe my

wi t h; and fa I will

methodically

proceed, as I at firft intended, to fhew,

that the raftfman

is a

poor, worthlcfs,

cankered, fe If-interefted,

vilifying Incendia-

ry, y laying

the Confequences down

from

Hifiory) of fuch, and fo

vile a Minifter,

~ s

he

would infinuate,

like

a

Kennel-Raker,

as he

is,) that

our moft noble

Patriot

actu

ally

reprefents.

I t


26/31

It

is a filly idle

lYfethod,

taken by

[oJI1e

of

oill Authors

and

I

myfelf

have

fome-

times fanen

into it, of

begging Pardon

of

their Readers

for

a Digreffion.

I

think

it a Meanners below the CharaCter of a

diftinguifhed

Writer;

and therefore moft

heartily

beg

my

own

Pardon for

having

lead

my

[elf by Force of

Cuftom

into [0

foul an Error;

that

is I

Timothy

Si.mb of

Ragg-Fair Efq;. having inadvertently affront-

ed Timothy

Scmu

of the

aforefaid Place, a

very noted Political Vlriter do make this

publick

Acknowledgment

and

heartily

beg

his

Pardon.

For

tbe

future fhall therefore to keep up

to

the

Dignity of a

Son

of A/oil} fiep

afide

from my Subject as I fhall fee Occafion

without giving

any Rearon for my fo doing:

or troubling my

Head,

whether my

Reader

is

ple2.s J or dif;.f leas d.

Jnft as I was going

to

infbnce what I

have bf fore

promis d

one

brought

me a

paultry, faHy Farcel of Rhimes called by

t he u ~ h l r a Poem.

is

intitled, Sir Robert

Brafi

;


27/31

[

3

]

Brafs; and the

RafCal that wrote

it

has pro.

pban d

the Name of Butler,

by

faying After

the

Manner of Hudibras.

This

virulent Piece

is

a

Galimatias,

an

Oglio,

a

Hotch Potch of

L

yes and

Nonfenfe fupported with an

imitable Vein

of

Dulnefs; and

is

a Proof

of

the

Weaknefs

of that Party

which

muft

have

Recourfe

to

fuch

poor

Stuff

to keep

up the Spirits of the Faction. You fhall

fee how eafily

I

will

refute and

confute

this envenomed Wretch this

malignant

poor A Worm who muft

certainly

exneB: a canfiderable

Reward

for his

In

wecrives

You, Sir

who

write like any

Mars

A; e OU a Poet? ~ you mine A -;

A

Poet. Foul ne'

er

wrote Jucb

Ditty

And

when

tbey

IJe,

their Lycs are ' witty.

LJing alom

uiV

mver do,

And

IDr your Ve;fe, twill male oue -

Tott

think

we ll

take mmleaning Jingle

For Poems? No Jot poor Tom Dingle;

No

you

loufy, [lar'Ving 1Vight;

On

Lines like

JOurs 'T.V9 com to

Fol'


28/31

[

For wor fe

than

any

Jakef

they

JUnk

So

for the future ve Jour Ink

l\ow I have dOlle with this CoxcoJ7lb

and given him a full I may fay a kiZ k-

doWi2

Anfwer;

I hall caft a Weaver s

Knot

on the Thread of

my

Difcourfe where

it

be-

broke

off

and

proceed_

One EeElas

in

the

Time

of Sultan lvL;z-

homet

ELm

who fupported

by

the Grand-

~ l o t h e r

of the Grand Seignor rofe to the

higheft

Dignities;

and.

by

the Metbods

common}

y

purfued

by

wicked

.i\Iinifrers

among which was coining Afj efS with

more Tin than Silver and forcing them

oll. the People

for

good l...Ioney poiTeifed

himfelf

of

immenfe Riches.

But

his

Thirft

of more growing with his increafing

1realth, and

his

Ambition

ftill rifing with

his Power he oppreifed his FellowSubjeCts

till

they

began to

think

of

doing them-

feI ves Jufiice: BeRm percei ving the Re

..

fentment of

the People grow high thought

a

Change of Government

the

only

Way

to

[ccure himfclf


29/31

[

]

cordingly projected

to

dethrone h o m ~ t

Ban and fet up his Brother.

In

Purfuance

of this Defign which the Queen

Grand-

Mother readily came into he affembled

his Partifans and fill d the Streets of

Con-

flaminople;

but the Vigilance and

Loyalty

o f

Melek Ahmet

defeated

all his

Views; pre-

ferv d the Prince and this Traytor

m et

with the

Fate

he merited. was made the

Scorn

and

Derifion of the People whom he

had fcorn d and derided

and

died

by

a

Cord.

As the Eng ijh are as fenfible of

Injury

as the Turks and much lefs accufi:omed to

defpotick Power; and as we fee no Mutinr

no

Relentments

from

the

People to

the

moll:

NQble Per{on

who is

the Envy

of weak

and

difcarded .Wotld-bt

Minifiers we may

very.

well conclude we labour under no Oppref-

flon ; and all the Evils mentioned

in

the

Rafcally

Craftfman

are

purely

imaginary;

for no other Conclufion can be made, ex-

cept that we are a degenerate, pufilla -

mous People and funk

under

Oppreffion;

which I believe the mo impudent

of

the

Cr4tfman s

lying,

fcandalous infamous.

E weak


30/31

[ 26 J

weak, and divided

Faction will not dare to

mutter.

I hope

my

Reader will obferve, that

have throughout this Effay ever had art

Eye to

Deceitc ,

and kept ftriCtly

within the

Bounds

of

Good

anners

which

Example

would be of Ufe to

our

Ad

v d f r i ~ s

could

they follow

it.

But

that can t

be eXpected,

where Railing mnft make up

for

Want

of

1vlatter,

and ill Language muft fupply the .

Place

of

Argumer.t;

and that this

is

the

Cafe

of

that defpjcable Party, and their

louf}r ragged

Hirelings,

I think

is fufficient-

y

proved by their

own

vll1anous, nonfen

fical, virulent,

imi?ious, a t h ~ i : i c a l

trayte-

rous Libels: And

d

nand

em,

for a Pack

If

obflinate, harr;1:headed, in-

-

corrigible,

opinionated lvfongrells, I

fhall

fur the

f lure think em

below my Notice,

and

do

here declare,

that in Cafe they

have

any

of

them) the

Impudence

to

make

a-

ny Reply

to the

prerent Pamphlet,

1 ihall

fcorn

to

anfwer their Ribaldry, and will

corr:mit their ,, ork

to

the

only

Place

viII

defer-le (ihould it come to

my

Hands)

.

WIthout


31/31

[ 7

without reading it Reader dieu LeG

you fuould not happen to perceive I

am

come to a Conclufion

my

E{fay and

vainly expect more I think proper

to

let

you know I have now made an End Wit

nefS the Word

N

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