Ruth’s Journey

An interfaith tea and dialogue on women and immigration reform

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April, 26 2013

Duke Memorial United Methodist Church

504 W. Chapel Hill Street, Durham NC

Ruth’s Journey: A Model of Friendship, A Call for Immigration Reform

Ruth’s story cuts across many faith traditions, and serves as a powerful

model for us today. Ruth’s journey marks one of friendship, struggle,

welcome, and inclusion. Motivated by her loyalty and friendship to her

mother-in-law, Ruth became a sojourner, an immigrant in Naomi’s

homeland. She toiled as a migrant worker to provide for the two of them.

Ruth and Naomi teach us to foster strong families and communities by

nurturing friendships and welcoming the sojourner and migrant worker.

Across North Carolina and beyond, women of many faiths have fostered

friendships that transcend their differences in ethnicity, language,

religion, age and background. By telling their unique stories that in

many ways mirror the strong friendship and loyalty between Ruth and

Naomi, these women remind us all of the moral imperative for

immigration reform that prioritizes family unity, improves the lives of

refugees, and creates a roadmap to citizenship.

But Ruth said, “Do not press me to leave you or to turn back from

following you! Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge;

your people shall be my people, and your God my God…”

Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the LORD, who has not left

you this day without next-of-kin; and may his name be renowned in

Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old

age; for your daughter-in-law who loves you, who is more to you than

seven sons, has borne him.” Then Naomi took the child and laid him in

her bosom, and became his nurse. The women of the neighborhood gave

him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him

Obed; he became the father of Jesse, the father of David.

Ruth 1:16, 4:14-17 (New Revised Standard Version)

This program is held in honor of Gulalay Bahawdory, affectionately called Gully, who left this world all too soon on October 8, 2012.

We pray that her life may be celebrated and teach us to care for one another.

Gulalay, the Flower By Bettie Lou El Omari, longtime North Carolinian and friend

Let me tell you about a woman named ‘Flower’, whether by her parents or herself I do not know. I only knew her by the name Gulalay which means flower in Dari, her native language from Afghanistan. and her nickname: Gully. The red poppy is symbolic of Afghanistan; she gave me several small gifts with the poppy on them and had several things with red poppies on them in her home; they will forever remind me of her.

We met shortly after I had read and watched the movie “The Kite Runner” by an Afghani American author. Gully was a modern secular Muslim woman about my age, had been university educated in Bulgaria. We lived fairly close and enjoyed similar interests. We drank gallons of green tea, cup by cup, at her house or mine, while nibbling almonds. She had told me several times I was her best friend, her only friend, which warmed my heart but also broke it. She worked at a retail store for years and had acquaintances, but said she never felt close to any of them.

We spent so many delightful hours chatting, dying hair, her teaching me to cook ‘dal’/lentils the Oriental way, picking berries off the tree in her yard, grocery shopping, working on her English pronunciation, and studying for her U.S. citizenship exam. Gully passed her exam with flying colors, and was so proud to be sworn in as a U.S. citizen. Little did I know the underlying current of tension she was feeling, but she never even hinted about to me. I have learned a never-to-be-forgotten lesson about how big the concept of ‘saving face’ is in Muslim culture. If she couldn’t tell me, the only friend she had here, her fears, who could she tell? No one, except her husband.

As I later learned, Gully had come to the U.S. in the 1990s seeking political asylum, was denied, and was going to be deported, but she left beforehand. She left her fingerprints on record, however. She went to Germany where she had family for several years. At some point she changed her name to hide the identity which had marked her to be deported before. I have not asked her husband her ‘real’ name because to me she will always be sweet Gulalay, Gully-Jan (Jan added to show respect).

She had been a citizen at least two years when she learned she was being investigated as having the same fingerprints as the woman who was here in the 90s and fled deportation. Her husband hired an international lawyer, but said the fear of being sent back to Afghanistan was always on her mind. As I understand, the attorney felt optimistic that everything would be dismissed but was duty bound to state that there was a chance she could be deported and she could not rule it out completely. If it was 1%, Gully chose to focus on that 1% possibility. Was she a pessimist? Not that I could see. Or was the life she had experienced in Afghanistan so awful that she could never face it again? Possibly so, because several months after the investigation began, she drove to a local lake after work and drowned herself. She left sweet notes of despair to her husband, the police and to the attorney, saying she was sorry but just too depressed to go on living.

I write this story to commemorate a woman who did not deserve such anguish, either in he repression of women in her own country, or the fear that her new life in this great ‘land of opportunity’ was being snatched from her, sending her back to what she perceived of as ‘hell’. As Solomon wrote in the book of Ecclesiastes, “To everything there is a season: a time to be born and a time to die.” Gulalay is gone now and what’s done can’t be undone. It is my hope that by telling her story, those who work for refugees and other disadvantaged women who long to come to America and contribute nothing but good, will never doubt their opportunity. The flowers of the field are here today and gone tomorrow, but the fragrant memory of this Flower’s life lingers on.

Event Program

Welcoming Address Rev. Anne Hodges-Copple, Bishop Suffragan-Elect, Episcopal Diocese of North Carolina

Opening Remarks Renee Chou, WRAL News Reporter/Anchor

The Importance of Friendship and Family Casey Smith and Aline Nyirashimwe

Neighbors and Mutual Discovery Flicka Bateman and Christine

Love of God and Community, Across Cultures Kristine Barnes and Edith Salazar Veliz

Starting a Business, Feeding the Community Vimala Rajendran

Questions and Answers

Concluding Remarks Brenda Wills, President, Church Women United

in North Carolina

Rev. Anne Hodges-Copple, Bishop Suffragan-Elect, Episcopal Diocese of North Carolina

The Rev. Anne Hodges-Copple was elected Jan. 25 as bishop suffragan of the Episcopal Diocese of North Carolina. Rev. Hodges-Copple has been Rector at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church in Durham, NC since 2005. Before attaining this position she was Episcopal Chaplain to Duke University, Assistant to the Rector, St. Luke’s Episcopal Church, and Director of Battered Women’s Shelters Community Organizer. She received her Bachelor of Arts from Duke University in 1979 and Master of Divinity from the Pacific School of Religion in 1984. She was born in Texas and has lived in North Carolina for most of her adult life. She was baptized, confirmed, and married at the Church of the Incarnation in Dallas. She was not inclined to become ordained until her senior year at Duke University when she was studying Public Policy with a vocational affinity for low-income housing.

She deferred acceptance to University of Texas Law School and moved to Boston, MA to work for Massachusetts Fair Share as a community organizer. While in Boston, Rev. Hodges-Copple started reading theology and ethics on her own, including Bonheoffer, Nouwen and Robert McAfee Brown. Coupled with a discovery of the Old Testament prophets, this theological grounding led her to seek a Masters in Ethics from the Pacific School of Religion. It was not until the summer of 1982, while working as a health fair organizer in Martin County, KY, that the Spirit of the Lord led Rev. Hodges-Copple to Raleigh to go see Bishop Estill, who had come to North Carolina from St. Michael’s and All Angels in Dallas. Meeting Bishop Estill, along with Lex Matthews, opened up new doors and new vistas. Among her greatest joys as a priest for the last twenty-four years has been the chance to mentor young adults in vocational discernment – lay and ordained. At least twelve undergrad and grad students who participated in the Episcopal Student Fellowship during her Duke tenure are now ordained priests serving all over the United States. She has loved organizing mission trips that range from Princeton, North Carolina to Bay St Louis, Mississippi, to Heart Butte, Montana, and to Belize, Honduras and Palestine/Israel. St. Luke’s has ongoing relationships with churches in Tanzania, South Sudan and Belize. These journeys often lead to new vocational directions for participants. While her husband John, their three children and she have been happily rooted in North Carolina for a long time, life in the church has given her a sacred web of friendships that reach across the world and continue to enrich all of their lives.

Renee Chou, Reporter / Anchor WRAL-TV Moderator

Since 2004, Renee Chou has served as an anchor and reporter for WRAL-TV. Prior to working with WRAL, Renee worked as an anchor and reporter for KCRG-TV in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and as a general assignment reporter for KOMU-TV in Columbia, Mo. Renee’s work earned a Regional Emmy for News Special in 2013, and garnered four Emmy nominations in the past three years. Her reports have also earned awards from the Radio Television Digital News Association of the Carolinas, Iowa Associated Press Broadcasters Association, and Missouri Broadcasters Association. She was also named a Cedar Rapids Women of Achievement honoree in 2002. Renee’s news philosophy is “to tell fair, accurate and compelling stories that matter.” She received a Bachelor of Journalism degree from the University of Missouri. She enjoys tennis, playing the piano, singing and dancing. Renee also serves as a current board member, past president, and founding member of the North Carolina chapter of the Asian American Journalists Association. She also sits on the board for Wake County Community Foundation and for International Focus, the Raleigh-based non-profit group that hosts the annual International Festival. She lives with her husband Mike, and says her favorite things about North Carolina are the friendly people and the mild winter (when you compare it to the bitter cold and snow of the Midwest!) Her favorite books include "Angela's Ashes" by Frank McCourt; "The Liars Club" by Mary Karr; "Growing Up" by Russell Baker; "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls; "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom; "The Opposite of Fate" by Amy Tan; "Longitudes and Attitudes" by Thomas Friedman; "Memoirs of a Geisha" by Arthur Golden; "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini; and "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck.

CASEY and ALINE

On paper, Casey Smith and Aline Nyirashimwe are an unlikely pair of friends. Casey Smith is 18 years old and finishing high school in Chapel Hill, a quiet college town with tree-lined streets and some of the most highly educated people in the United States. Aline is just 5 years older, but grew up in the chaos of the Democratic Republic of Congo before fleeing to Kenya with her husband and two young daughters. Aline arrived in North Carolina in early December of 2012. She had Congolese friends and family in the area,

but also sought out the opportunity to practice English. CWS-Raleigh Durham helped her connect with Casey Smith, who started a tutoring group for refugee children, worked to create a day camp for refugee children in the Chapel Hill area, and has helped with employment skills classes. In this time, Casey has developed a passion for refugees and a desire to study international relations as she begins her university coursework next fall. The chance to work alongside refugees in North Carolina has given Casey a sense of purpose as she pursues her own career path. When Casey and Aline first met, they did what most of our conversation partners do: they began working on grammar charts and building necessary vocabulary. But slowly, their relationship began to change as a real friendship developed. Casey and her mother Lori took Aline and her daughters Yvonne and Joyce to the library, taught them the local bus system, and helped them integrate into the community. As Casey and Lori shared information with Aline and her family, they realized that they too had a lot to learn. Even as a refugee in Kenya, Aline had refused to give up on herself. She had used her education to work for a refugee consulting group that assists abused and traumatized women from Congo, Burundi, and Rwanda. Even though Aline was a refugee and had experienced many horrors herself, she worked as a counselor for other refugee women from her region. Aline’s story helped Casey understand that refugees are not simply victims, but they are brave and strong people who are fighting for a better world, just the way that she hopes to do. Now that Aline and her family are here in North Carolina, they continue to push forward into the future. Aline’s husband Soni is working at a local hotel and the girls are in school. In just a few days, Aline will start her first job here in the United States. The family now dreams of a chance to better their education and to make a home for themselves. Casey and Aline are working on reaching these big dreams together. “Working with Aline and her family reminds me how important it is to value family unity in the immigration process. People moving to the United States rely most on their families for support and familiarity throughout the challenges of assimilation. I have truly enjoyed getting to know Aline and helping her family transition to life in the United States.”

FLICKA and CHRISTINE Christine and I first met in late December 2000 when her family rented a house across the street from my husband and me. They came to the United States after having lived in a refugee camp for over 15 years. Christine, 14 years old upon arrival, was born and raised in the camp, while I had lived in Chapel Hill for over 30 years. There were three adolescents in the family, and I took them under my wing. I helped with tutoring, finding them part-time jobs, teaching them to drive, and pushing them to believe that college was a goal they could pursue. Christine worked for us as our dog walker and helped me around the house. Our relationship was one of mutual discovery. While she learned much about American culture and the English language, I learned much about the Karen, their background, their culture and the political situation in their country. Most importantly, I learned about the courage and resilience of Christine’s family as well that of all other refugees who had fled the brutal dictatorship in Burma. By the time Christine was a high school senior, she had distinguished herself by taking two AP courses while working part-time at a local veterinarian office. By this time, her family had purchased a townhouse and moved to the other side of town. We were no longer neighbors. Sometimes a friendship frays if there is not physical proximity. Luckily, this was not the case with us. The distance between us became even greater when she went to Greensboro to attend college. However, we stayed in touch by talking on the phone several times during the week and seeing each other on weekends when she was back in town. In 2009, Christine graduated with a degree in Chemistry and got a job in a research lab at UNC’s School of Medicine. At that time I was working at UNC Hospitals, and her building was adjacent to the hospital complex. That meant we could sometimes meet for lunch as well as see each other after work hours. Gradually our relationship became one of more equal footing. I was no longer the teacher, and in several ways Christine became my mentor and teacher. She started teaching a Karen language course at CHICLE and I was her student. She tutored me in Karen on weekends. We traveled to Thailand together to visit refugee camps, and she became my guide, interpreter, and cultural broker. Last summer I started the Refugee Support Center and Christine has been my support and cultural advisor in working with various refugees who walk in for help. Because both of us are so busy now, we have structured a Friday dinner together once a month although we stay in touch electronically and by phone frequently. Our friendship is one of different cultures, different ages and different professions. However, what we have in common is much greater than these differences and will continue to sustain our relationship for years to come.

KRISTINE and EDITH KRISTINE My name is Kristine Barnes, and I moved from Wisconsin to North Carolina in 1978. I met Edith in 2003 when my husband told me about a Spanish language class offered at Luz del Pueblo (long before it was Luz del Pueblo), a United Methodist church in Cary, NC. Edith and I became friends then. She invited another woman and me to come with her to Perú to see her town, Peralvillo. At first it was more of a whim, but it evolved into an actual plan. We decided to do a Vacation Bible School at Edith’s family church. We ended up having about 200 kids from the Lima Circuit for five action-packed, day-long VBS sessions. The women of the church, Edith’s

family and a friend Efrain were a huge help! Since 2004 I have taken mission groups to Perú in 2007, 2009, and 2011. Raising money and helping to support several churches is an ongoing passion for me. This August we will make trip #6. From 2003 Edith and I have worked together on all sorts of projects, large and small. The most important of which was helping her gain support to grow the ministry at Luz del Pueblo to the out-reaching beacon in the Hispano/Latino community that it is today. Church membership increased, more and more people volunteered to become a part of the ministry. This month the congregation and friends of Luz del Pueblo will celebrate their 13th anniversary. ¡Gracias a Dios!

EDITH My name is Edith Salazar Veliz, and I am originally from Peru. I have lived in North Carolina since 2000. I married my husband, who is from Mexico 8 years ago. We have one six year-old son, Emanuel. I am a pastor at a United Methodist Church in Cary, Luz del Pueblo/ Light of the People. When we began the Hispanic ministry at White Plains UMC 13 years ago, I met Kristine Barnes. She was interested in supporting the ministry and learning Spanish. She got more involved in the ministry, and helped us lias between English and Spanish speaking churches. She saw the needs of our community, so she began

teaching ESL classes and assisted families in registering their children for school. Through this involvement she began to know and really love the culture and values of the immigrants that speak Spanish in our area. Our friendship was strengthened because we share common interests. Both of us love God and enjoy serving people in the community. In the year 2003 we traveled to Peru as missionaries, and visited local churches and communities around my place of birth. While there she met and embraced my family as well.

VIMALA RAJENDRAN

Vimala Rajendran is the Executive Chef at Vilama’s Curryblossom Café. She has been a longtime activist for causes including grassroots media, international peace and the fight against domestic violence. Through it all, she has fed the movement. Her food has shown up everywhere, from protests across the region to weddings and private parties to the Weaver Street Market lawn and Johnny’s in Carrboro. Vimala grew up in Bombay where she learned to cook from family, street vendors & friends. In 1994, as a single mother of three, Vimala started cooking donation-based community dinners in her Chapel Hill home. Sixteen years later in June 2010, thanks to the support of her beloved community, Vimala’s Curryblossom Cafe was born!

At the restaurant, Vimala enjoys recreating her family’s favorite recipes, as well as new ones that she introduces to her mother who openly welcomes her cooking experiments. She would like to thank the Chapel Hill community for rallying behind her to make her vision of creative, wholesome food a market-worthy reality!

In getting to know Vimala, one begins to understand her desire to serve the community. She grew up in a Christian household in India and is still a devout believer. She first came to Canada, then to the U.S., about 30 years ago as a newlywed. She speaks about resilience and struggle during this time, a stark contrast to her vivid and loving stories about food and community today. Yet this juxtaposition defines many aspects of her life. After enduring years of family violence and emotional abuse perpetuated by her ex-husband, she says she finally found the courage to leave the abusive household and never look back, with three small children in tow. This experience ignited her passion for activism and care for community which is further fueled her family. Vimala has one brother, Wilson and two sisters, Wilma and Margaret. She also has three children Manju, Anjali and Rajeev who have been a driving force behind her growth.

Today’s Ruth’s Journey

Refreshments for today’s event Respite Café, 115 N Duke StVimala's Curryblossom Café

Suite 16,

Special Thanks CWS DurhaDuke Memorial

s Journey event is sponsored

NC Council of

Refreshments for today’s event provided by, 115 N Duke St., Durham, NC

Vimala's Curryblossom Café, 431 W. Franklin St. Suite 16, Chapel Hill, NC

Special Thanks to Senator Kay HaganDurham, WRAL-TV Durham, and

Duke Memorial United Methodist Church

ponsored by:

Council of Churches

provided by Durham, NC and

431 W. Franklin St.

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United Methodist Church.