Romantic attachment and responses to relationship conflict:

Connections and complexities

Judith A. Feeney

Attachment across the lifespan

Key tenets:

Attachment bonds provide comfort and security

Romantic love can be conceptualised as an attachment process

Relational experiences in the formative years produce relatively long-lasting differences in relationship styles

Attachment across the lifespan

Individual differences in attachment avoidance and anxiety

reflect affect regulation strategies

are strongest in stressful conditions

- of the individual

- of the environment

- of the attachment relationship (e.g., conflict)

Background

Four types of studies of

attachment and conflict

1. PhD studies:Samples of individuals;longitudinal sample of newly-weds

2. Collaborations with Pat Noller: Longitudinal studies of marriage and family; multi-method; multiple reporters

Background

Four types of studies (cont)

3. Relational transitions:

parenthood; hurtful events;

separation; early adoption

4. Recent work with student cohorts:

sampling; vignette method; studying relational power; etc.

Overview of talk: 7 themes Attachment dimensions as correlates of

responses to couple conflict

Extension: Dyadic data

Attachment, parenthood and conflict Attachment and relational outcomes:

responses to conflict as mediators

Measurement: 2 factors; 5 factors?

Insiders’ insights

Integration and conclusions

1. Attachment dimensions as correlates of responses to couple conflict

Sample study:

conflict interactions in dating couples, using Raush’s improvisation scenes

data collected from:

- ‘insiders’ (expectations, perceptions)

- ‘outsiders’ (affect; behaviour)

Issue-based vs relationship-based conflict

FindingsInsider data: widespread effects of attachment on expectations and perceptions

Outsider data: attachment effects for partner-distancing (relationship conflict) only

affect (e.g., avoidance hostility)

verbal behavior (e.g., anxiety coercion)

nonverbal involvement (e.g., avoidance, anxiety low touch)

Findings emerging across studies

Attachment anxiety Attachment avoidance

Frequency of conflict Higher frequency (diaries)

Involvement in couple interactions

Less involvement (diaries; observation)

Less involvement (diaries)

Conflict strategies Less mutual negotiation (questionnaires)More destructive process (questionnaires)More domination and coercion (across all methods)

Less mutual negotiation (questionnaires)Less partner recognition (diaries)Less reasoning (observation)Less disclosure (diaries, questionnaires)

Nonverbal accuracy Less accuracy for positive messages

Less accuracy for negative messages

Conflict-related outcomes

Less communication satisfaction (diaries)More ongoing hurt and distress (questionnaires)

Less communication satisfaction (diaries)

2. Extension: Dyadic data

Recognised from outset by Hazan and Shaver (1987)

Re-analysis of data from Young Couples Study

Alerted by qualitative data:

His comments

Her comments

Quantitative findings

Most consistent finding: Hs’ anxiety by Ws’ anxiety:

Figure: conflict avoidance

But pattern varied in form (e.g., coercion highest for anxious wives with non-anxious husbands)

APIM studies

1. Study of spousal reactivity, assessed via:

Spousal behaviour (interaction records)

Ratings of satisfaction (daily; and QMI)

Predicting negative spouse behaviour:

Avoidance (actor); Anxiety (actor; partner)

Predicting satisfaction: Anxiety (actor; partner)

Predicting ‘reactivity’ (two methods):

higher for insecure husbands and wives

(controlling for negativity of behaviour)

APIM studies

2. Study of disclosure (with Bradford)

Multi-method study of long-term dating couples

Sample DV: emotional tone of daily conversations (diary reports)

Disclosure

Predictors of emotional tone:

actors’ anxiety partners’ anxiety gender by partners’ anxiety by partners’ avoidance:

- female partners high on both scales - male partners low on both scales

3. Attachment, parenthood and conflict

(i) Study of new parenthood

Overview:

Transition and comparison couples;three main assessment points;questionnaires and interviews

At 3 months post-birth, daily diary records tapping involvement in household and baby-care tasks

Chronology of events

a) Conflict over childcare

Hs attachment anxiety (T1)

Dissatisfaction with baby care (daily diaries)

H wants W to do less

W wants H to do more

Increases (at T3) in:Hs stress and attachment anxietyWs depression, stress, anxiety, and relationship dissatisfaction

b) Postnatal depression

Ws attachment anxiety (T1);

Ws attachment anxiety x Hs compulsive care

Ws depression (T2) (transition group only)

Increases (T3) in:

Ws attachment avoidance, stress

Hs attachment anxiety, general anxiety, and relationship dissatisfaction

(ii) Attachment and parenting adolescents

Cross-generational links:mothers, fathers, adolescents rated

- own attachment

- parents’ conflict behaviour with offspring problem-solving attack avoidance

Adolescents also rated their own loneliness.

Generational stake hypothesis: parents view parental actions more positively than offspring

Attachment and generational differences

Dependent variable: Discrepant perception of conflict behaviour

Predictive measure of attachment anxiety

Paternal problem-solving Paternal anxiety

Maternal problem-solving Maternal anxiety

Maternal avoidance Maternal anxietyOffspring anxiety

Maternal attack Maternal anxietyOffspring anxiety

Attachment and parenting adolescents

Other findings from this study:

parental insecurity

more parental attack, less problem-solving

offspring insecurity and loneliness

(Findings robust across reporter of conflict behaviour.)

4. Attachment and relational outcomes: responses to conflict as mediators

Growing evidence of mediators between insecurity and dissatisfaction:

Negative affectivity Attributional style Problems with conflict resolution Deficits in emotional expressivity Maladaptive patterns of coping Lack of nurturance Lack of respect for partner Negative perceptions of partner’s support

(Some effects may be specific to attachment dimension.)

Hurtful events: Mediated effects on couple bond

Perceived lack of

remorse

Perceived lack of

remorse

Destructive behaviour (-ve)

Destructive behaviour (-ve)

AvoidanceAvoidance

Ongoing problemsOngoing problems

Studies with student cohorts

Mediated effects of attachment anxiety include:

responsibility causal

attributions attributions

perceived lack of relational power

less problem-solving more verbal attack

Double mediation

Karantzas et al. (BJP):

Based on theory and research: working models shape relational beliefs, attitudes and perceptions;in turn, these shape dyadic processes.

5. Measuring attachment

ASQ, links between 2 and 5 factors:

Anxiety Avoidance

Preoccupation Discomfort

Need for approval Relationships

Confidence (-ve) as secondary

(Karantzas et al, 2010: nested factor model)

Attachment and clinical issues: Fossati et al.

BPD, measure of aggressiveness:

✔ related to Preoccupation

✗ not related to Need for approval

Impulsive aggression:

✔ related to Preoccupation

✗ not related to Need for approval

✔ related to Relationships as secondary

✗ not related to Discomfort

6. Insiders’ insights

Psychological constructs should be reflected in popular culture and thought.

Qualitative data from lay persons are often powerful and eloquent.

Insiders’ insights

My partner is extremely affectionate, which suits me down to the ground. I’ve always, always craved affection all my life, mainly through parental – bad parental – relationships. So, I don’t know, but I put it down to that. And she’s the only person I’ve ever gone out with that’s actually given me the affection I’ve wanted.

Insiders’ insights

If he doesn’t want to be close to me as much as I do, I’m such an idiot because I push the issue. I can’t understand it; I tell him I can’t understand it, and he reacts completely the opposite and moves away more.

Insiders’ insights

I’ve never let anybody get really close to me. I think it’s just like a self-defense mechanism that I have, to not get hurt. I always keep - there’s always a thin distance that I don’t let people come near me or touch me; not a physical touch, but I think, spiritual. To me this is important, my own space. To have someone invade that space that is special to me, I feel violated. I get angry, I get irritated, I get very irritated.

If they don’t want to be with you … you wonder what you’ve done wrong. Or you wonder why; if they don’t love you any more, or if they don’t find you attractive any more, or if they’re bored with you, or if it’s the end of the road. That’s the hardest thing; if S doesn’t want to be with me emotionally or doesn’t want to be with me, there’s nothing to look forward to [sniffles]. There’s nothing at all, nothing I can do. It makes me feel quite miserable, quite alone and quite neglected; ugly, fat, boring, uninteresting; like a nothing.

Insiders’ insights

I’ve never felt that I’ve given them what I could have, had I not been adopted. I’ve passed on the insecurity; I’ve passed on the fear of abandonment. My children are insecure, my eldest extremely so. Fear of rejection. She has actually said to me, “Mum, I just wanted you to love me more.”

7. Attachment-related effects: Summary

Effects are widespread: the individual (distress) the couple bond (quality) offspring (e.g., insecurity)

Effects are complex: own, partner, interactive direct and mediated bidirectional ‘paradoxical’

Anxiety and conflict

Features

Prefer extreme closeness, affection

Sensitive to anger, hurt, rejection

+ Triggers

Anxious or avoidant partner

Conflicts that threaten intimacy

Conflict behaviours (hyperactivating)

Coercion, domination

Low mutuality and satisfaction

Post-conflict distress

Effects of anxiety on couple bond

CoercionCoercion Low mutuality

Low mutuality

Post-conflict distress

Post-conflict distress

AnxietyAnxiety

DissatisfactionDissatisfaction

Effects of anxiety on offspring

Offspring lonelinessOffspring loneliness

Attacking Attacking

Parental anxiety

Parental anxiety

Offspring anxiety

Offspring anxiety

Low problem-solving

Low problem-solving

Avoidance and conflict

Features

Preference for distance, control

Others perceived as clingy and

lacking remorse

+ Triggers

Anxious partner

Stressors (various)

Conflicts that threaten independence

Conflict behaviours (deactivating)

Emotional control; low levels of reasoning, involvement, mutuality

Effects of avoidance on couple bond

(- or +)

Emotional control

Emotional control

Perceived lack of

remorse

Perceived lack of

remorse

Low mutuality

Low mutuality

AvoidanceAvoidance

DissatisfactionDissatisfaction

Effects of avoidance on offspring

Offspring lonelinessOffspring loneliness

Low problem-solving

Low problem-solving

Parental avoidanceParental

avoidance

Offspring avoidanceOffspring avoidance

Questions?