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“God grant me the serenity to accept

the things I can not change, the

courage to change the things I can,and the wisdom to know the

difference . .” 

Before marr iage – the perfect

man/woman  — after marr iage – faults

& habits are revealed. I f only he/she

would conf irm to ideal! 

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“Marr iage discord ar ises when one

partner tries to change the other.”

Basic to happiness  — to feelrespected, liked, & accepted as we

are.”

We must learn to accept differences,

tolerate idiosyncrasies & respect

individuality.” Acceptance is apriceless gif t to give each other.

Most people tolerate-not accept.

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This is not Acceptance

Criticize  — beli ttl ing remarks.

Doleful look  — nagging.

Grimace or a wither ing look.Disapproving glance.

Silence or a sigh.

“Difference does not mean wrong.” 

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What is Acceptance?

a.Viewing your mate as a person of

worth.

b. L iking your mate as he/she is.

c. Respect his/her r ight to be

dissimilar from U.

d. Allow him/her to to have own

feel ings about matters 

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e. Accept his/her atti tudes no matter

how different.

Acceptance Does Not Mean

1.U pretend your mate is perfect.

2. No faults exist.

Acceptance Means1. Accept yourself & let others be

themselves.

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Acceptance Means

1.Recognizing imperfections.

2.Recognizing areas need changing.

3. Accepting the total person.

Factors Affecting Acceptance

How accepting U R, depends on

temperament.

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Calm, easy going  — inner secur ity,

high tolerance.

Some unaccepting, r igid, strong

notions of r ight & wrong.

“U must come up to their stds-- sadly

many religious O’s.

Acceptance is a state of mind! Feelgood  — l i ttle bothers U! tired over

worked  — 

less acceptance.

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Acceptance in Family is Difficult

U cannot cross off Grandpa because

he is senile.

Acceptance of spouse is more

difficult  — i f one or the other is not

char itable by nature.We cannot feel accepting towards our

mates all the time.

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Some Behaviors may Always be

Unacceptable:

Drinking, smoking, gambling,

swearing, laziness, dishonesty, or

vulgarity.

Real people wil l have real feel ings of

acceptance & unacceptance towardstheir spouse dur ing the course of

their marr ied li fe.

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Acceptance Does not Always Mean

“Liking”

View the situation without hosti l i ty! 

Learn to l ive with it  — in marr iage

there are many differences with

which we must learn to live  — 

Promptness, church attendance,manner of speech,personal

preference of any kind.

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Prayer & practice can raise our

tolerance levels to accept basic

differences in O’s.

Nagging

a. Ki l ls love  — women feel l i ttle joy in

home chores when criticized.

b.Nagging arouses defenses-verbalcounterattack, or uncooperative.

c. Depresses and on the defensive.

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The Reason (noble-sounding)

“ She/he needs to change!”— areas

need working on.

Some feel it is honorable to help

him/her overcome week areas  — 

achieve a acceptable personali ty.

I t is for his/her own good.

BUT-i t violates a basic Chr istian

principle  — change ourselves! 

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“Criticism  — puts others down to cover

our feel ings of infer ior ity. By

beli ttl ing the worth of others wereinforce our own shaky self -esteem.

How to Point Out Mistakes If youMust

We should correct each other if ouractions, words, dress, or body odor

offends others do it in a sensitive

way, kindly.

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Wait ti l l the incident has passed.

(emotions cooled, and U gain

perspective & wisdom)

Ask only if he/she can do something 

about it.

Guard your manner & tone of voice- 

speak as an equal.Surest way to weaken affection is to

point faul ts always.

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Nothing destroys love more quickly

than a running account of faults.

How to Change Him/Her (if U really

want to)

Dr Murray Bowen said, “The family

is a system. Change in one part of the

system is always followed bycompensatory change in the other

parts.” 

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“Marr iage calls for us to pull out of

the feeling level & onto the

discipl ined level of maturethinking.” 

a.We can change no one by directaction.

b.We can change only ourselves.c. When we change ourselves, others

tend to change in response to us.

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Express Acceptance

Demonstrate it in actions & words.

At first U may find it diff icul t to

express acceptance in words. Express

especially when one is hurting.

F irst act on principle, & because it

f i l ls a Human need.

Must U Accept Everything? 

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Infidelity  — even in times of changing

morals. Scripture permits, but doesn’t

command divorce.

I ncest  — homosexuality  — lesbianism  — 

desertion  — nonsupport  — mentalincapacity  — physical abuse.

“No one can possibly meet every one ofour needs or dreams  — settle for a

union where reality exists.”