relationship resilience hope and healing to flourish in love and dating
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Relationship Resilience Hope and Healing to Flourish in Love and Dating. Dr. Catherine Hart Weber Caitlin Weber. www.flourishinlifeandrelationships.com. Challenges For Millennials - Generation Y (most stressed generation) Damages of Social Media. Look Up Video. - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
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Relationship ResilienceHope and Healing to
Flourish in Love and Dating
Dr. Catherine Hart WeberCaitlin Weber
www.flourishinlifeandrelationships.com
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Challenges For Millennials - Generation Y (most stressed generation)
Damages of Social Media
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Look Up VideoHow does the digital world damage emotional and relational maturity?
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Flourish In Life and RelationshipsImportant Conversations for Maturity
Love God to Love Yourself to Love Others
1Relationship with God
2Relationship
with Self
3Relationship
with Others
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Relationship With GodWho is God? SQ (GQ)1
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Who is God? - In what ways do I enjoy the love and
life changing presence of God?- Find your own happiness in your
relationship with God- Is God in control of your life?
- How does knowing God and receiving His love for me inform me about my true self?
- You find your true identity in Christ
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Character Virtues MatterBe a person of good, mature character
- How does enjoying God and being filled with the Spirit - mature and change me? - Values- Character- Authenticity- Honesty- Trust
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Choose a life partner with similar values
1. Have the same values, morals• Similarities in goals, how to raise children• More important than age, ethnic, social class2. Choose your best friend3. Pick someone who doesn’t have the same
issues as you – to balance each other out4. Be committed to growing and changing
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Relationship With YourselfPersonal Competence
Who Am I? EQ2
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Who am I? How am I thriving?
* Capabilities– Grow in Strengths. Skills. Gifts. Personality– Preferences. Style. Interpersonal impact
* Motivations– What drives my life? Purpose. Values. Calling
* Emotional Health– Self awareness. Defenses. Family history. Authenticity
* Physical body– What energizes, nourishes me? What drains, depletes
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Competencies That Are Predictors of Success (in life and relationships):
PERSONAL Competence:______personal Intelligence (EQ)INTRA
RELATIONAL Competence:______personal Intelligence (RQ)
Dr. Gary Oliver
INTER
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What Is Emotional & Relational Intelligence (ERQ™)?
“The ability to be aware of, recognize and understand our own feelings and those of others and to constructively manage those
emotions in ourselves and in our relationships.”
Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D.
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The ERQ™ Model
Self-Awareness
RelationalAwareness
Self-Management
Relationship Management
• Emotional Self-Awareness
• Accurate Self-Assessment
• Self-Confidence
• Empathy• Listening• Values Differences
• Emotional Self-Control• Takes Personal
Responsibility• Healthy Anger
Management• Responds rather than
Reacts
• Effective Communication• Healthy Conflict
Management• Influence• Collaboration &
Cooperation
Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal)
Recognition(Awareness)
Regulation
(Management)
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Self Awareness. Intra- personal
• Emotional self awareness• Accurate self assessment• Self confidence • Assertiveness
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Falling In Lovephilosophy: when it comes to love you need not fall but rather surrender.surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another.you must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another, and most importantly, you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another. (love God, love yourself – then you can love others
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Power of VulnerabilityDr. Brene Brown
• Science behind being your ‘true self’ – being vulnerable, being transparent
• Vulnerability generates love and intimacy which increases oxytocin and endorphins.
• Reduces harmful stress hormones like cortisol and adrenalin.
• When we let our true self be seen, our inner ‘light’ radiate, we heal from the inside out. Its more powerful than any medicine.
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Self Awareness What are my triggers? Honest Fearless
InventoriesIf you aren’t figuring out your own issues and working on
them - you will never grow, heal and be happy – Emotional intelligence (EQ) Emotional Health– Strengths/Spiritual Gifts. – Personality (style)– Know your true self - authenticity – Unhealthy coping mechanisms / Addiction– Family of origin / genogram/ attachment styles– Use of digital technology
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Emotional Resilience • Realistic, attainable expectations and goals• Good judgment and problem solving• Persistent and determined• Responsible and thoughtful – vs. impulsive• Flexibility and openness • Effective communicators with good people skills• Learn from past experience – don’t repeat mistakes• Empathetic – care how others feel• Feel good about themselves as a person• Confident and secure in who they are• Sense they are in control of their life• Optimistic rather than pessimistic
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Relationship With OthersRelational Competence
Who are you? How can I relate to you? ERQ, RIQ
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‘Other people are the best antidotes to the downs of life and the single most reliable up.’ Martin Seligman
“Learn how to ‘talk to one another’ – co-exist…Don’t be unsocial. Engage and look into someones eyes.Just one real connection is all it will take to show you the
difference that being there can make.”
BE THERE. BE PRESENT
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Happiness is Love. Full stop. Dr. George Vaillant
• By far the greatest predictor of happiness in
the literature is intimate relationships. Sonja Lyubomirsky
• Scientific studies show that our longevity, medical and mental health, happiness and wisdom are impacted most by our supportive relationships. Daniel Siegel
• Aim for: HEALTHY PEOPLE SKILLS – EQ Secure Base. Healthy Attachments
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Relationship with others
Who are you? How can I effectively relate to you?
Grow in your ability to:• Connect and communicate in a healthy ways • Resolve conflict and repair relationships• Maintain appropriate boundaries• Flexibility and openness• Empathy
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Pepperdine UniversityBoone Center For The FamilyPromoting healthy relationships and strong families
Relationship IQCreating opportunity for ‘conversations’
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The ERQ™ Model
Self-Awareness
RelationalAwareness
Self-Management
Relationship Management
• Emotional Self-Awareness
• Accurate Self-Assessment
• Self-Confidence
• Empathy• Listening• Values Differences
• Emotional Self-Control• Takes Personal
Responsibility• Healthy Anger
Management• Responds rather than
Reacts
• Effective Communication• Healthy Conflict
Management• Influence• Collaboration &
Cooperation
Self (INTRApersonal) Other (INTERpersonal)
Recognition(Awareness)
Regulation
(Management)
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Relational AwarenessOther Inter-personal
• Empathy– your ability to notice and correctly interpret the needs and
wants of other people • Listening (basic communication skills)• Values Differences• Flexibility and opennessChallenges:• Low empathy• Self focused – narcissism
– “we share our best bits but leave out the emotion”• Recognize your own ‘stuff’ – ‘triggers’
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Self ManagementSelf Awareness. Intra-personal
• Emotional self control (self regulation)–Responding vs. reacting
• Taking Personal Responsibility• Healthy Anger Management• Responds rather than reacts
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• Fear, uncertainty, not feeling safe - often causes the flight / fight responses
• Under pressure most people tend to react (limbic system) rather than respond (prefrontal cortex)
• People with a higher ERQ are more likely to be able to “respond” rather than “react” or “over-react” in ways that only worsen the problem
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Relationship ManagementInter-personal
• Effective communication skills• Healthy conflict management /resolution• Influence• Collaboration and cooperation• Boundaries• Understand Transference• Learn Love Languages
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Attachment Styles
• Secure• Anxious• Fearful• Avoidant• Fearful/Avoidant