THE FARM

BOOK I

By

© Namaz Surad

Who once used to Farm

Persimmon New Sago Multi-Purpose Grain

BOOK I

A saga – A Farm

The Main Personalities

1. The New Representative - Ozlon the Obese

2. The New Farmer - Sage the Holy

3. The Previous Farmer - TQ-Am-ill

4. The Realm of Hangers - Fay-Rid the Man; Ewe the Nose

5. The Realm of Compost and Dung - Tsar-Day the Tan

6. The Realm of Jumble and Rumble - Sucker the Sap

7. The Realm of Communal Conjectures - Pallid the Grey; Maize the Roo

8. The Realm of Wizard and Magicians - Dr. Sammy Davis the Third

9. The Realm of Decree and Diktat - My-Shell the Crab

10. The Realm of Minion Resource - Zee the Glam; Hedge the Gee, Has-Not

Been

11. The Realm of Wangle an Finagle - Wing the Tai –Chi

12. The Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker - Fay-Rid the Dough

13. The Realm of Concoction and Conception - Ahab the Clad

14. The Realm of Exotic Exchange - The Man from Abroad

15. The Realm of Attribute Exertion - The Man from Abroad

16. The Realm of the Scanner - Not-High Tooth

17. The Realm of the Mole - Jam-Ail

18. The Realm of the Cipher - Micro-Change

19. The Realm of Farming - Namaz-Lu-Ramak

PART I

The Farm

PART I

The Farm

The Farm was quite substantial in size and was in two localities separated by other

farms. In fact, the Farm had acquired substantial holdings in a farm whose residents were

substantially different and whose location was tremendously far and require many days and

months of traveling. The Farm had also decided to collaborate with other farms through the

provision of its propriety farming know-how including plants and vegetables. The Farm was

“owned” by the Locality (a bunch of old f*r*s) as well as other apparently gullible localities and

sub-localities.

Apparently the previous Farmer who was appointed by the Locality (a bunch of old

twiddlers) was reported to have overstepped his limit and was removed, but in reality, the New

Representative (also a bigger twiddler) felt threatened by the Farmer. The New Representative

was deemed to be extremely qualified because he was the Farming Co-Operative Chief

Regulator and had never once in his life actually farmed any fields nor developed any new

plants or vegetables.

Anyway, a New Farmer was duly appointed by the Locality and with the express

agreement of the New Representative. Apparently this New Farmer was deemed to be very

successful and very skilled although the farm that he was working at had other similar Farmers

who were really skilled in farming and had actually done the actual farming - planting, seeding,

weeding and fertilizing including harvesting and selling whilst this particular Farmer had given

the impression that He was the One who had thought real hard and had farmed what he really

had thought while all along what he actually did was to shout to all others what he thought he

was doing and at the farm he was merely acting as a farmer.

So, the New Representative (happily twiddling along) had decided to get this New

Farmer on board and had overlooked existing Senior Assistant Farmers who were more

qualified than this New Farmer.

The first thing that this New Farmer had done was to bring to the Farm his Assistant

Farmers who were deemed to be experts and full of farming experience, into various areas, but

more so in certain areas that would impact upon the Farm's Expenses such as procurement of

fertilizers, implements and machinery; development of plants, vegetables and produce;

marketing and sales of plants, vegetables and produce; managing farm-hands as well as the

farm's modern system. What had happened was that the Farm's existing Senior and Junior

Assistant Farmers who had been with the Farm since the Farm's inception was actually

sidelined because they were deemed to be incapable of assimilating the new methodologies of

farming by the New Farmer as well as the New Representative.

However, after months of farming at The Farm, many of the New Assistant Farmers had

left. Some was caught because of improprieties such as using the Farm’s Credit Facilities for

personal business and had to leave. Others for allowing friends and partners to supply fertilizers

and implements without undergoing the proper procedures and was asked to leave or action

would be taken upon them. Still others left after realizing that they were not cut out to become

farmers. Many more left because of misrepresenting themselves as farmers whilst they are

actually farmhands and had realized that others also realized that they were actually farmhands

and were not adept at being farmers.

The New Farmer had made representations to the New Representative of the Locality

that he could not manage the Farm not because the New Assistant and Junior Farmers could

not meet the grade, but, because the existing Senior Assistant Farmers did not give him and his

expert New Assistant and Junior Farmers the cooperation required and had also not given the

New Assistant and Junior Farmers the help that they require to assimilate into The Farm. In

other words the existing Senior Assistant Farmers were not capable of managing not only the

existing Junior Farmers but also the New Junior Farmers, and, the existing Senior Assistant

Farmers were also deemed as non-team player since they did not manage to give the

impression that the New Assistant Farmers were farmers of high caliber and full of wisdom. As

such, the New Assistant Farmers farming performance were affected. They had no choice but to

resort to those “improprieties” just to execute their farming management and skills. They cannot

be blamed! It was not their fault. It was the fault of those 4 Senior Assistant Farmers. They still

have the grass root support of the farmhands and Junior Assistant Farmers and had therefore

meddled with the New Farmer’s superior ways of farming and managing. The New Farmer had

therefore made a bold promise and proposal. The New Farmer committed to the New

Representative and the Locality (manned by a bunch of old timers whose best decision was to

agree with the New Representative) that he can deliver superior plants, vegetables and produce

without the services of the Senior Assistant Farmers.

And so it came that the 4 Senior Assistant Farmers were asked to leave at the behest of

the New Farmer but portrayed as though they could not be part of the Team of Highly-Skilled

and Technological Farmers and had therefore left on their own accord.

After the 4 Senior Assistant Farmers left, the Farm’s conditions still did not improve. But,

the New Farmer had the knack of being able to convince the Locality (a bunch of ripe bananas)

and the New Representative (even a bigger banana) that the Farm’s performance had improved

whilst in actual fact it did not.

Ironically, before their departure, the Senior Assistant Farmers had actually developed

multiple new and variants of plants, fruits and vegetables such as the new sago which was

cheap and nutritious, new persimmon which was nutritious and full of vitamins, new multi-

purpose grains that would be wholesome and healthy including other vegetables and produces.

The Senior Assistant Farmers who had developed, planted, produced and were about to sell

these new plants were ungraciously removed (as narrated above) but to all the farmhands and

junior farmers, there were portrayed as not being able to make the cut and had thus chosen to

leave.

Still, The Farm had not improved even after the Senior Assistant Farmers had left. Who

was impeding the New Farmer? Who was not part of the Team? What did the New Farmer do?

The New Farmer had actually convinced the Locality (a bunch of ripened tomatoes) that

now the New Representative (even a bigger ripened tomato) was impeding him in a major way,

big time! He had given the impression that he could not be blamed for all the shortcomings but

instead the Locality must apportion the blame to the New Representative. Why? Well, as the

New Representative had given the assurance and impression that he knew all about farming

(which the New Farmer also insisted that he also know all about farming) then the blame should

be shouldered by the New Representative. The New Farmer insisted that with another

Representative, he would be able to do better. The Locality (a bunch of squashed grapes) by its

own virtue had consented to the New Farmer’s demand and as in the case of the 4 Senior

Assistant Farmers; the New Representative (now a really squashed big grape!) was also

removed.

The Other Representative also claimed that he knew all about farming and much more

besides whilst in actual fact he was very close to the Locality’s better half and had utilized the

better half to recommend him as the Best Representative cum Farmer around.

So, the Best Representative cum Farmer took on the job of supervising the New Farmer

and The Farm. And what did he do? Of course similar to the previous New Representative, the

Representative cum Farmer literally gave some choice jobs to his friends too.

Has anything changed? Not much though.

Meanwhile, the New Farmer was bestowed with all sorts of Honors and Awards thus

reinforcing the impression that he is the best farmer in the locality. And, to strengthen all this,

the New Farmer had made homage to the Holy Farm and giving the impression that besides

being a well-skilled farmer, he is also a most holy farmer, one without failures, constraints and

shortcomings. If there were failures at the Farm, it’s not because of him; it was because the

other junior farmers particularly the remnants who could not execute his brilliant farming

methods and ideas. If there issues, it’s not because of him and the new junior and new assistant

farmers, it was due to those farmers that he had inherited. In other words, to quote his favorite

phrase, it was a matter of legacy, legacy issues etc.

Real holy man does not broadcast that they are holy; rather, it would be the people

surrounding him who would say that whether one is holy or otherwise. Anyway, the New Farmer

was known previously at the previous farm and other farms before that as one who favors the

fruits of nightlife and enjoyment. In fact, he was once caught by his better half for having

relations, and had apparently repented and promised his better half that he would turn over a

new leaf hence the portrayal of being a holy farmer. He did indeed turn a new leaf over!

As the saying goes, “A dog even if it does not consume s*h*t, will nevertheless smell it”.

And this was what happened to the New Farmer. But this is another story altogether.

PART II

The Ballad of The Reformation

PART II

The Ballad of the Reformation

After the previous Farmer was sacked by the Locality (a bunch of brown nosers) and the

New Representative (who had the biggest brown nose), somehow the farming community was

affected by a blight. Some called it The Blight of the Lard and all farms were affected, big and

small; near and far.

The New Representative who had brought along the New Farmer was in a quandary.

What to do … what to do … what to do?

The New Representative had ordered the New Farmer to develop farming strategies to

counter the Blight of the Lard otherwise both of them might not last long in the Farm. Instead of

allowing the New Farmer to institute the farm’s machinery to implement its strategic planning

process, true to form (as the New Representative had professed that he knew all about farming

to all and sundry), he had instead employed Farm and Farming Experts to execute what the

New Representative had called Farm Reformation.

And so the Farm and Farming Expert went all around the farm and talked to all. Actually

they did not talk to anyone at all. The Farm and Farming Expert had gotten hold of a previously

developed document outlining the possible farm and farming transformations by the dismissed 4

Senior Assistant Farmers (portrayed as not making the cut). Thanks to them the work of the

Farm and Farm Expert was cut short.

As usual, the Farm and Farming Experts were blessed with the gift of the gab.

Combined with the power of the digital, the Farm Reformation Document was completed. It was

an amazing document, full of spreadsheet and data. The graphics were beautiful with the latest

technicolor and full of glitz.

Thus the New Representative laid claim to the Farm Reformation Document and had

waylaid the New Farmer who had lost the initial war as he could not muster the might to employ

the Farm and Farming Experts that had cost the farm close to 5 million sacks of rice and a few

sacks of tapioca.

And so that was how the famed Farm Reformation Document was developed.

Unfortunately, the 4 Senior Assistant Directors could not lay claim since they were not paid and

hence there was no evidence that they had developed the initial idea of the Transformation. The

Farm Reformation was ceremoniously paraded to the Locality (a bunch of fermented rice and

tapioca). The Locality had lapped what was paraded and presented to them and was full of glee

and had praised the New Representative to no end … what genius, what priceless art … what

brown nosers we are! Even the New Farmer had also praised and was full of awe of the Farm

Reformation Document.

In fact, the New Farmer had laid-out a Road Tour to parade and to present the Farm

Reformation Document which by now already inlaid with gold and gilt including sapphires and

diamonds and therefore becoming more priceless by the day (not because of the content but

because of the cover and inlays). All the farm’s employees were awestricken by the cover and

the gold and the diamonds. By the end of the road tour, a survey had been carried-out to gauge

the reaction of the farm’s employees. The survey unsurprisingly said all were amazed at the

beauty of the document but were not terribly sure about the contents. Some had said the

document were akin to a fairy tale, some were very sure that it was a novel, whilst some others

did not care since the document was so beautiful. Anyway, the New Farmer reported to the New

Representative that all employees were awed and amazed by the document! Again, the New

Representative patted himself on the back for a job well done.

But … the Farm Reformation Document did not tell how the transformation could be

carried out!

The New Representative and New Farmer were at a quandary.

How to execute … how to execute … how to execute?

Ha! Why don’t we “execute” the 4 Senior Assistant Farmers instead as it was them who

had put the seed of thoughts inside the document?

And so it was, the 4 Senior Assistant Farmers were “executed”. The Farm

Transformation Document anyhow would require transformation as the execution strategy was

not complete. The New Representative could not by now request the Locality (a bunch of local’s

yokels) for additional sacks of rice and tapioca to extend the services of the Farm and Farming

Experts as by now the kitty must be preserved as it was running low very fast.

Thus, the New Farmer by a stroke of genius and holy awareness suggested, rather,

shove down the throat of the New Representative that setting up a Reformation Field would be

able to formulate the necessary initiatives and programs to be able to realize the virtues of the

Transformation Document. It was suggested that a Wizard and Magician known in the region as

Doctor Philosopher Sammy Davis the Third who was famous for making a mountain out of a

molehill, a river out of a stream, an ocean out of a pond, a mansion out of a room, and a book

out of a sentence.

And so the Wizard and Magician who is also a doctor and philosopher, was at the farm.

And the first thing he did was to call all the farm employees and to give his now famous address

… whilst he can transform a sentence into a book, at that occasion, perhaps let down by his

Djins and Cherubs, his intended verbosity became a squeak. Henceforth, he was known as the

Pipsqueak Wizard and Magician.

Apparently the Pipsqueak Wizard and Magician had many acquaintances at the farm.

He was very skilled at the art of Flog an ancient game of wizardry and magic which requires one

to maneuver a miniscule enchanted grizzly orb into an equally enchanted and miniscule

aperture with various enchanted and magical staff. Many days and months were spent by the

Pipsqueak Wizard and Magician playing the ancient game of Flog and since he wanted to have

a sense of superiority, had on many occasions invited some of the farm’s junior assistant

farmers to partake in the flog too. Well, as expected, the Pipsqueak Wizard and Magician

triumphed over all and he savored that feeling of superiority endlessly.

And so, this feeling of Flog superiority was carried-over to the farm too by the Pipsqueak

Wizard and Magician! He had forgotten that the world of farms and farming is totally different

than the world of wizardry and Flog!!! Inadvertently, he had alienated those acquaintances that

he had nurtured and triumphed from the game of Flog. Thus, to circumvent this unexpected

situation, he had convinced the New Farmer to agree to give him the mandate and authority to

employ junior wizards and junior magicians and missed the point that he should employ junior

and associate farmers instead.

Lo and behold! Even with his magic and wizardry he could not transform the

Reformation since his junior wizards and junior magicians had been putting spells and chants

rather than to till the farm. No wonder he could not transform the Reformation.

And so the Wizard and Magician and his entourage was banished and was never again

heard in the Locality.

Did the Reformation Document able to be transformed? That would be deliberated later.

PART III

The Ballad of The Hangers

Part III

The Ballad of the Hangers

The transformation of the Reformation was the key to the Farm. The New

Representative (who had done no farming at all), the New Farmer (who had asked others to

farm), the Farm and Farming Experts (who gave the impression that they had farmed) and the

Pipsqueak Wizard and Magician (who thought he could use magic and wizardry to farm) all had

staked their reputations and life on the Reformation Document. By this time, the Reformation

Document was further embellished. More colors were added from technicolor to multicolor.

More inlays were added from one lay to many lays. More diamonds were added from diamonds

to triamonds and sometimes quadmonds. Even the covers were not spared. All the colors, lays

and monds were also applied to the cover. By the end the cover could not be distinguished from

the very popular periodical Yoby-Alp which was known to be glitzy and full of blings.

Did the Reformation Document able to be transformed?

Indeed it was transformed! And many are now more concerned about how the colors,

lays and monds than what lay between the covers. So, some had suggested that the contents to

be also colored, layed and monded too. So, the New Farmer, who by this time was saddled with

the Reformation Document since the New Representative had conveniently disowned the

Document and had transferred the ownership to the New Farmer, had formed an outfit called

the Hangers to further transform the Reformation Document. The Hangers had in a magical

stroke transformed the Reformation Document by hanging it upside down and transformed it

into Document Reformation. Thus that was how the supposedly Reformation Document being

transformed into Document Reformation and no effort and resource was spared to ensure that

the Document was being reformed.

By this time, the Junior Assistant Farmers, Assistant Farmers, Associate Farmers and

Farmhands were much too busy farming and had left the transformation activities to the New

Senior Assistant Farmers. They had to make certain that the farm continued being farmed and

the plants, vegetables and produce sold to generate income to support all the farm employees.

In any case the Hangers were not interested in all these farmers since they are hangers and

hangers do not mix with farmers.

Hangers by nature hang all the time. It is by default therefore that what they do would

hang. Their processors hanged in all instances and thus they could not come out with the

Reformation Document and thus transformed it into Document Reformation instead. Their

workstations hanged all the time since they had hanged elsewhere instead. Their psyches

hanged all the time too as they purposely hanged them as the essence of being cool that is let

the farmers utilize theirs instead. Their demeanors were the epitome of coolness. They always

look cool. All the farmers and farmhands had their garb of consistent affirmation whilst they had

their cool and nonchalant outfit. One can really spot a Hanger by the demeanor and outfit which

were nothing like what the farmers and farmhand had. If one were not careful, one might in fact

be mistaken that the Hanger could be either the New Farmer or the New Representative (except

that the New Representative was truly inflated and most probably could not be a Hanger as he

would not be able to hang as elegantly as the Hangers!).

The Hangers were adept at hanging anywhere, everywhere and all the time. They could

hang hours on hand with extreme elegance and with nonchalance. In fact they had transformed

hanging into an art. They could hang effortlessly and with the grace of an acrobat. In fact they

had over the period transformed themselves into Acrobatic Hangers. And, just like Adobe

Acrobat© they could transform themselves as anybody something akin to shape-shifters. One

day they may be Hangers. On another day they may be Wizards. Still another day they may

Magicians. They might even be able to imitate Expert Farmers. But what they could not

transform to were basic farmers because being basic farmers is difficult.

Basic farmers must do basic farming first and foremost and only after many years of

being basic farmers can they become farmers of caliber and skilled with all the experiences and

tribulations behind them. Even with all these, the skilled farmers may still require other

implements such as rapiers and mallets besides shovels and spades to execute their farming

know-how to the fullest and knowing how to manipulate and utilize these implements require

additional effort and time.

But the Hangers have neither the inclination nor patience of being basic farmers. They

viewed that being basic farmers were beneath them. People who were members of the

exclusive club of professional Shape Shifters or Oxbridge cannot be basic farmers. Intellectually

they are of a different level. Talking about farms and farming is not complex enough for their

well-tune mind and intellect. They much rather converse and indulge in simulations,

postulations, hypotheses, conjectures, conceptions, sensitivities of farms and farming rather

than the real act of making a farm do farming. Thus the Hangers leeched on to the New Farmer

and the New Representative as though they were of the same mould and species. Perhaps they

were because the New Farmer thought he was a Shape Shifter and the New Representative

thought he was from Oxbridge (he may sound like he was from Oxbridge but his mould exposed

him that he was from Penangbridge).

Now the Hangers have the Farm and the Resources contained within at their disposal to

do their bidding. So they had unequivocally instructed the minion farmers to do their bidding and

to be at their disposal in whatever circumstances. In fact they had behaved as though they were

the New Farmer and one Hanger was so skillful at shape shifting that sometimes the minion

farmers oftentimes mistook him as the New Representative and had inadvertently did his

bidding without much further thought as they were too fearful and much troubled at the sight of

the New Representative as his wobbling was very much intimidating. The more he wobbled the

more anguish he would convey. Nobody could stand it as the anguish is akin to a tooth-ache …

numbing sensation all the time and excruciating pain throughout. What choice did the minion

farmers had than just to abide what was demanded?

Whenever and wherever the New Farmer went, the Hangers would be there. They would

be at the foreground with what they thought was grace and poise and with their glitzy outfit they

became the backdrop of any occasion that the New Farmer had thought of.

On one occasion, the New Farmer wanted to execute a Farm Appraisal and in this

particular case a mill. So the minion farmers were there and demonstrated how to scrub abd

scour the mill’s implements and utensils which was particularly grubby and mucky exercise. The

New Farmer with his gravelly voice had intoned that the work being demonstrated were not

good enough and had disparaged and censured the minion farmers. At the previous farm where

the New Farmer was before, he claimed that the mill was like a mirror that he could see his face

every day. He was disappointed that he could not see his face at this mill. The Hangers with

glee were recording the remonstrations and reprimands and flashes were everywhere as

numerous cameras were snapping away at these minion farmers who were stunned and frozen

with disgrace and humiliation at this public censure. The Junior Wizards and Magicians were

still around and had joined in this merriment. They were twirling their wands and were conjuring

minor lightning to supplement the cameras flash units. Merrily after such appraisals, there would

be numerous and duplicate report, assessments and narrations from The many Hangers, Junior

Wizards and Magicians to the same minion farmers all demanding immediate actions,

countermeasures, simulations, postulations, hypotheses, conjectures, conceptions, sensitivities

and follow-up summits so that the Hangers and their band of Wizards and Magicians would be

able to outdo each other in pointing out the shortcomings, limitations, deficiencies and failures of

the minion farmers. Thereafter they would present their version of the same thing but because

of their Oxbridge lineage, the New Farmer had accepted the Hangers’ version instead. These

would continue on and on and on and on until one day ….

PART IV

The Farmers Action Response Team

FART

Part IV

Farmers Action Response Team - FART

As is usual with a farm of this size, by the sheer number of employees and farmers as

well as the sheer size of the farm, the Farmers Action Response Team or FART would

congregate on a weekly basis to review the Farm’s operations and to strategize on how to

improve the Farm’s performance.

Now, only Farmers who have met the specific hierarchical standings and requirements

would qualify to be members of FART. In actual fact, the Members of FART could only be

appointed by the New Representative and the members of FART should actually be

representing the Farm’s main activities such as the Realm Minion Resource, the Realm of

Compost and Dung, the Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker, the Realm of Decree and

Diktat, the Realm of Wizard and Magician, the Realm of Wangle and Finagle, the Realm of

Communal Conjectures, the Realm of Concoction and Conception, the Realm of Jumble and

Rummage, The Realm of Hangers and of course the Realm of Farming.

The FART was managed by the troupe of Buffoons. The Head of the Buffoons would

circulate to all the Realms of the impending FART and would inscribe in his pompous words and

script the agenda which inexorably be dictated by the New Farmer. More often than not the

agenda would for all intent and purpose to deliberate issues that the New Representative had

enquired from the New Farmer. Inevitably the FART would meet at the appointed hour. And the

day before the appointed hour the Head of the Buffoon would twiddle his instructions in his

Blackberry© and shoot them off to all the Heads of the Realms. The Chief Buffoon would take

the liberty to spice-up the instructions with his own interpretations of the agenda and would

request at the last minute his own requirements which in most instances the Heads of the

Realms could not respond to and some of them chose to ignore completely. However, the Head

of Farming would not ignore such late instructions because by training, he would endeavor to

complete all tasks within the stipulated framework.

Because of this, the Chief Buffoon, sometimes for his own amusement would at the

possible last moment notify the Head of Farming that FART would require various permutations

and details of farming. Now, at the meeting the Head of Farming was ready with his reports and

information but until the end nobody in FART actually required the reports or information. Of

course, the Head Buffoon pretended that the New Farmer was indisposed to deliberate such

items. This continued on and on. The Head of Farming also continued to amuse the Head

Buffoon by complying since all of the requests were really at the Head of Farming fingertips.

At the FART’s meeting all sorts of items were discussed and deliberated. The most

popular item being what would the New Representative bring to the BORED (Bunch of Retired

Employees’ Dialogues) Meeting with the Locality. This BORED Meeting would be scheduled by

the Head Buffoon too. Being a Buffoon, he could not resist scamming the heads of the Realms

in particular the Head of the Minion Resource. And so, at every FART Meeting the Head

Buffoon and the Head of Minion Resource would trade words and idioms and ramblings. The

Head Buffon thought that he was a member of FART which in actual fact he was not. He was

there only because as a Buffoon he was to act as a glorified court jester mainly to jot down all

the yarns, gags, fictions, legends and gossips at the FART Meeting. The Head Buffoon did not

actually do this instead, to glorify his position (as he was not a full member of FART)

Apparently the Head Buffoon and the New Representative used to be employed by the

Farming Co-Operative Regulatory Federation. Hence, oftentimes at the FART Meeting, the

Head Buffoon sometimes acted as though he was the New Representative. In actual fact the

Head Buffoon was one of the species of Hangers who had become very much adept at being a

shape-shifter. So, whenever the opportunity arose, the Head Buffoon would pose as the New

Representative. But because he did this so often, none of the Heads of Realms would put any

notice any more.

The FART Meeting was usually very lively as nothing strategic or futuristic was

deliberated. Food and drinks was bountiful and as the FART Meeting usually was very long,

lunch was always provided. As the FART Meeting progresses all the Heads of the Realms were

munching away the food and slurping up the drinks except the Head of Farming because by

nature he insist himself to follow whatever was being discussed (gossiped) and deliberated

(chattered).

And so they talked about the length of the farmhands’ vests. They talked about the color

of the farmhands’ vests. They talked about how some the farmhands who had paraded the

vests were quite gorgeous and stunning and maybe they should also parade for the FART the

proposed Heads of Realms’ coat. They talked about how the New Farmer’s plan to visit the

Farm. The Head of the Hanger was in his element is proposing the program and what the farm

minions should do to pay homage to the New Farmer since the Farm, according to the Hanger

Head, had improved with the advent of the New Farmer’s address when he first came to the

Farm. The Minion Resource Head retorted that the minions were in awe at the New Farmer’s

verbose speech and intellectual understanding of the Farm and his superlative plans for future

improvements.

The Head of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker talked and proposed about her proposed

media program and how the New Farmer should be portrayed. Majority of the Realm Heads

were in agreement that the New Farmer should be in all the media whether in print or broadcast

as he was the savior of the Farm. Without him, the Farm would not survive let alone prosper. At

this juncture, the Buffoon Head would interject that the New Representative should also be

given similar if not more exposure than the New Farmer. Thinking and viewing ahead of the

BORED Meeting, the New Farmer decided that the exposure for the New Representative should

be more than him and at this the Buffoon Head flashed a smile.

The Head Wizard and Magician meanwhile were casting spells and charms before he

utters his words (remember that he was the Pipsqueak Wizard and Magician). As he was about

to utter his words, a mouse ran all over the floor and he could not control himself and squeaked,

and squeaked and squeaked and pipped and pipped and pipped until the FART Meeting

adjourned.

Since the Head Wizard and Magician had squeaked and pipped, the Head of Composts

and Dung took opportunity of the bewilderment to put in his two cents worth, the Farm’s

program of how to consolidate all the composts and dungs so that they could become more

aromatic and pungent and would give the Farm the necessary aroma that the Head Compost

and Dung had believed was missing. The New Farmer decreed that indeed this was noble

proposition and had instructed the Head of Concoction and Conception to do a trial at one of the

smaller fields and requested the Head of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker to prepare a media blitz

on this program. The Head of Communal Conjectures and Wangle and Finagle were asked to

provide the strategic direction and budgetary plan for this proposal whilst the Head of Decree

and Diktat was asked if she could explore the possibility of patenting this program. The Jumble

and Rummage Heads were not particularly interested in the proceedings as his proceeds from

the jumble and rummage was more than adequate since the Farm’s produce were selling by

itself.

In all of these none of the Heads had taken the initiative to solicit the opinion of the

Farming Head as to whether the aroma is very pertinent to the farming in general, or, whether

the current composts and dungs were performing as what they had committed. And in reality, to

implore whether some of the composts needed to be changed and most of the dungs needed to

be revamped and constituted, or alternative dungs should be pursued even.

And so the FART Meetings continued as though the world was revolving around them

and the rest of the world was waiting for them. The Buffoon Head continued to buffoon, the

Minion resource Head continued to minion, the Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker Head continued to

tittle-tattle and nose around, the Compost and Dung Head continued to compost and spread

dung, the Communal Conjecture Head continued to conjecture communally, the Wizard and

Magician Head continued to cast spells but ended up pipsqueaking, the Concoction and

Conception Head continued to concoct and concept, the Jumble and Rummage Head instead

continued to jumble, the Wangle and Finagle Head continued to wangle and finagle, the Hanger

Head continued to hang but not himself, the Decree and Diktat continued to decree; all

according to the refrain of the New Farmer. And the only Head that actually did anything of

value was the Farming Head because he continued to farm as what Farm was supposed to do.

PART V

The BORED

(Bunch of Retired Employees Dialogues)

Meeting

Part V

The BORED (Bunch of Retired Employees Dialogues) Meeting

The FART headed by the New Farmer consisted of the following realms, the Realm of

Minion Resource, the Realm of Compost and Dung, the Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker,

the Realm of Decree and Diktat, the Realm of Wizard and Magician, the Realm of Wangle and

Finagle, the Realm of Communal Conjectures, the Realm of Concoction and Conception, the

Realm of Jumble and Rummage, The Realm of Hangers and of course the Realm of Farming.

The FART Meetings in essence were held not because the New Farmer wanted to

convey and bestow his wisdom, acumen, prudence, astuteness and know-how to various

realms by means of the Heads (presumably brain too!), but rather as a means to foster, cultivate

and nurture the New Farmer’s apparent acuity in the world of farming and the ancillary pursuits

of farming. Thus the FART was in effect a self-serving receptacle for the New Farmer one that

he might steer according to his whims and fancies. Certainly, the New Farmer with the Hanger

Head in particular would contrive the outcome of the FART whilst seemingly debating,

deliberating, pondering the matter for resolution. A case in point was the debate of the Farm’s

aroma and how consolidating the compost and dungs would be able to achieve that certain

aroma that the New Farmer had been pursuing. The FART Meeting was alive and shimmering

with intellect in the now legendary “The Farm with the Aromatic Compost and Dung” manuscript.

The BORED Meeting was scheduled by the Buffoon Head and a fortnight prior to the

BORED Meeting, the Realm of the Buffoon was indeed very hectic, frantic and frenzied in

preparation for the BORED Meeting who were essentially representatives of the Locality (a

bunch of retired folks who had nothing better to do or nothing else to do). But why were the

buffoons very hectic and frenetic? The documents were not done nor were they originating from

them? So why were they so frenzied? Their actual job in essence was just being a glorified

clerk, no not true at all, glorified office helper, yes!!!!! Compiling and stapling and inserting all the

readily prepared documents in duplicates of 14! Still, why were they so frantic and chaotic?

Certainly stapling and inserting 14 sets of documents into a file would not be mind-blowing nor

would it be physically taxing!

Anyway the buffoons and its Head were wild and chaotic and spent endless hours within

the fortnight before the BORED Meeting preparing. What was the bunch of buffoons preparing?

In fact the buffoons inadvertently would exceed their monthly overtime every time the BORED

Meeting was scheduled to be held. Within the months after the New Farmer was appointed and

the New Representative was installed, the BORED Meeting was scheduled to be held every

month! Other meetings such as those related to the decree and diktat, wizard and magician as

well jumble and rumble were also scheduled to be held on a monthly basis. Still, those

documents related to these were drafted, reviewed and finalized by themselves and 14 sets

were copied and stapled and punched and would be ready for insertion into the massive files for

the BORED Members. Apparently the BORED Members, whilst giving the impression that they

were bored, had actually insisted on exhaustive and comprehensive and wordy documents

hence giving the notion that they were a bunch of thorough group of professionals. Still, this did

not explain why the buffoons were extremely hectic so much so that the Head Buffoon was still

a bachelor (not very certain though whether he was of the “other” kind)!

Oftentimes, the Members of the BORED would also insist that the Documents be

prepared days ahead and sent to their abodes prior to the BORED Meeting. Still this would be

done by the couriers or the farm-boys and as the practice, the documents would be prepared by

the Realms in duplicates of 14, sized A4, punched and stapled. Again this could not explain why

the buffoons were extremely agitated and frenzied during this period.

The Documents were requested in duplicates of 14. Initially, the Realms did not even

question why the required duplicates were in 14. The Members of the BORED were 7 in all. The

New Farmer and Head Buffoon were 2. So the total was 9. Where would the 5 duplicates go to?

This mystery was resolved when one day the “Old Newspaper” Van came along and stopped

near the buffoons’ office and lo and behold, tons of the duplicates were loaded onto the van.

The whereabouts of the deposits of the proceeds of the sales of the duplicates were not known.

When asked, the buffoons retorted that there were no actual sales; they were merely cleaning

out the unwanted wastes. But, in the first place why request 14 duplicates? The New Farmer,

after being informed, did not want any investigations done, but instead applauded the buffoons

for practicing 5S (Sneak, Skulk, Stalk, Shadow and Spew). Thus the 14 duplicates had become

standard practice.

Now, the mysterious behaviors of the buffoons come every BORED Meeting was

continuing. Since none of the Heads of the Realms attended any of the BORED Meetings,

nobody would know the goings-on inside the BORED Meeting excepting of course the New

Farmer and the Buffoon Head. The New Farmer, upon being newly appointed to the Farm had

within months (before the “execution” of the Senior Assistant Farmers) requested to the New

Representative that he wanted to visit the Sacred Farm to get blessings and be purified and

thus would be able to assert and declare devout status. The New Representative did not really

care about such things as he himself felt that being an Oxbridge (whilst actually being a

Penangbridge) was far superior than being a Holy Farmer. Thus the New Representative

consented to his request but as the next BORED Meeting was around the corner, he insisted

the New Farmer that “somebody” from the Farm must find a proxy. The New Farmer readily

agreed and had appointed the Head of Farming.

The Head of Farming, during the interim period when the Farm was without a Farmer,

had been appointed as the caretaker. Apparently, the Head of Farming and the New

Representative came from the same alma mater. During those days, the Head of Farming had

always been ahead of the New Representative in all aspects, studies, sports and extra-

curricular activities; such that the New Representative was full of envy. The New

Representative’s family was very much well to do but in this alma mater, it ability that counted.

So, for the five years in the alma mater, the New Representative was full of resentment and had

begrudged the Head of Farming always.

Thus when, he became the New Representative of the Farm and had “surpassed” the

Head of Farming, he was full of glee and had gloated when he announced that he had

appointed the Head of Farming as the interim Farmer Caretaker. In the ensuing months when

the BORED Members of which the New Representative was the Principal BORE, were looking

as it were for a New Farmer, he never once proposed to the BORED Members that the Head of

Farming was probably the best candidate around.

The Head of Farming (or the Senior Assistant Farmer) had been in the Farm since its

inception and had in fact cleared the farm for farming. Most of the farming processes and

procedures including the multitudes of technological adoptions and adaptations were planned

and implemented by him with a team of dedicated farmers. Before being made the Head of

Farming, he had been the Head of Communal Conjectures and the Head of Concoction and

Conception as well as being junior farmer for many years.

Anyway, as the New Farmer was in the Sacred Farm endeavoring to become a Holy

Farmer, the poor Head of Farming were in the BORED Meeting representing the New Farmer.

The mystery of the buffoons’ agitations and frantic behaviors were immediately known at the

start of the meeting.

Ostensibly, the Buffoon Head whilst reading the Minutes was persistently interrupted by

the Members of the BORED. Seemingly, the minutes were not accurate, most ‘factual’ (if you

could call it so) items were missing, grammars and spellings were abundantly errors, etc. etc.

Thus, the Head of Buffoons were chided and all sorts of innuendoes pertaining to his marital

status were thrown but never once were he reprimanded. And, the BORED Meeting continued

and the Head of Farming was reprimanded for having attended the meeting and for having the

impudence to pretend as though he was the New Farmer. Now, the New Representative had

mentioned that the New Farmer was doing his sacred journey, so had suggested that the Head

of Farming to represent him. The BORED Members however, felt that the Head of Wangle and

Finagle should be in instead. When explained that the Head of Wangle and Finagle was on

emergency leave (which he did all the time and seemingly was always on some emergency

errands all the time), the Members of the BORED had relented and the meeting proceed

smoothly. But, the mystery continued to unravel. Whilst the Head of Buffoon was there, he was

merely content to muse in his reveries since he had his Junior Buffoon there too to take down

the proceedings and account, not by writing notes but through the recording of the proceedings.

As it turned out, the Junior Buffoon were not very well versed in the language of the Farm and is

usually the case, verbatim recordings would be very difficult to transcribe days and weeks after

the event.

So, the frantic and hectic behaviors of the buffoons in particular the Buffoon Head still

continued because the BORED Member actually would like something to do in the meeting and

had enjoyed and rejoiced in rebuking the Head Buffoon jovially and had not requested any

improvement in the jot and note taking of the meeting’s minutes or hours as the case usually

was.

PART VI

Members of The BORED

(Bunch of Retired Employees Dialogues)

Part VI

Members of the BORED (Bunch of Retired Employees Dialogues)

Now, Members of the BORED were practically senior citizens and some were extremely

senior citizens and most of them were from the Locality’s Ancillary Regions and Provinces and

had mainly dealt in Formulating Rules and Regulations related to chattels, capital, edicts and

decrees. So they were not too familiar with the language and workings of the Farm.

Nevertheless, by applying ‘business acumen’ and ‘common sense’ they had managed to slog

along and gave the impression that they were the ‘experts’ at farming.

What had transpired normally would be for the Farm’s Senior Assistant Farmer to

enlighten the Members of the BORED on the Farm’s Activities and Initiatives and the

Consequences and Results arising from them, numerically and financially. The New

Representative, Ozlon the Obese, would then, fondle his whiskers, and as though deep in

thought would take some time to digest, then consolidate and finally comprehend what were

being presented. He would then summarize and proffer a proclamation as though they were

‘pearls of wisdom’ short of being a decree. He would then proceed to request the other

Members of the BORED for their esteemed opinions. All too often, the Members of the BORED

would give their assent to the proffered proclamation.

None had had the sense to solicit the views of the Senior Assistant Farmer who had

actually prepared and presented to them the briefs. Of course none of the Members of the

BORED including the New Representative actually would seek the opinion of the New Farmer

since they knew that the New Farmer was also one of them that was one of the ‘expert

feigners’. Hence, more often than not, what was intended was not what had being transpired.

Many of the Members of the BORED had commandeered some of the succinct and inspiring

proposals and ideas presented by the Senior Assistant and Junior Farmers and funnily when

presented by them to the New Representative had suddenly sprouted new life into them.

The modus operandi of the papers (14 copies in all and in color), were that the papers

must be submitted 2 weeks in advance of the BORED Meeting. The rationale was that the

Members of the BORED and in particular the New Representative would like to review and

analyze the papers so that the actual BORED Meeting would be spent deliberating and debating

the proposals. Well did this happen? Not by a long chance. The Members of the BORED never

did read the papers. Their motivation was to scan the papers and decide which to be

commandeered so that the paper seemed to originate from them. At the actual BORED

Meeting, after being briefed, the New Representative or one of the BORED Members would

read the papers line-by-line and word-by-word. Thereafter, the New Representative would

scratch his whiskers and after seemingly a long time would proffer his proclamation or

proclamations.

One particular BORED Member, Jabba the Jaded, was assigned to the task of

appraising and reviewing the Farm’s Accounts and he took the job almost to the point of

nonsensical. He chaired the meeting and brought it to order at 5:00 p.m., adjourned the meeting

twice and continued until 4:00 a.m. and then continued the meeting at 8:00 a.m. As it turned out

he was the only one meeting himself since he read the reports line by line and made the

comments and took notes by himself since by this time the Buffon Head had slept with his eyes

wide open. The rest of the BORED Members, well, they were bored beyond belief and almost to

death. All this would not be too bad since the Members were excellent feigners – looking

interested but looking at nothing instead! But, Jabba the Jaded was indeed very jaded as his

voice was so faint that most would have fainted if not being expert feigners. This would go on

and on and on and on … Why were the adjournments? Well, Jabba the Jaded was known to

have a liking for the “Lighted Sticks” and in fact most Members of the Bored including the New

Farmer were connoisseurs of the “Lighted Sticks”. So silently they were relieved for the breaks

and enjoyed the time to become aficionados of and adherents of the “Lighted Stick”.

Another Member of the BORED, Zed the Zorro, thought himself as the mighty and expert

implement master just because he had a few swords and had ridden a few horses.

Inadvertently, at the BORED Meeting he would bore everybody with his exploits of being an

implement master and a horseman (not a farm’s implement master nor a farm man!) and how

he could improve the Farm’s by being a wheedle and a wangle. What the Farm requires were

real and tested engineers. Nevertheless, the Members of the BORED could not differentiate

really between an engineer, a wheedle and a wangle. So Zed to Zorro could happily wheedled

and wangled not only in the BORED Meeting but he managed to wheedle and wangle himself

into the Farm’s Farming Meetings. He was into his element, wheedling and wangling himself

into areas whilst unknown to him would simply referred to his horse and implements and coaxed

the Farmers to go all-out with his decrees. Thus, some of the Farm’s initiatives were held back

because Zed the Zorro thought that they were not to his reference.

Zen the Shearer was another Member of the BORED who was previously employed as

the Farm’s external reviewer. He however had many stand-offs with the previous Farmer (who

had been sacked perhaps due to his information). Zen the Shearer was an expert exhumer of

secrets which was rather improper as he had at one time being the Chief Adviser of an outfit

called The Thought Builder. At that point in time the clients of the Thought Builder were mainly

from the Locality and mainly dealt with developing oblique and implicit rules and regulations and

edicts. Thus, he was appointed at the Farm’s BORED since the New Representative knew him

from the days of the thought Builder and also because he was formerly employed as the

external reviewer and thus had all sorts of documents and information. Zen the Shearer enjoyed

himself immensely by belittling the Senior Assistant Farmers and Assistant Farmers by

highlighting how his Sago was sagging, how his Persimmon was pulpy and all sorts of nitty-

gritty items that would not make a difference to the Farm’s operations. Thus at the BORED

Meeting he continued to harps about how the Farm was not up-to-the-mark and continues to

nitpick and disparage the Farmers whilst not offering any solutions to the supposed problems

that the Farm had. And, true to form, as he was formerly an adviser, when pressed, what better

proposal than to suggest that the Farm employ an Adviser to advice on things that require

advice. Henceforth, the Farm was populated with all sorts of advisers.

There were actually many more Members of the BORED but suffice to record here that with

Members of the ilk of Ozlon the Obese, Jabba the Jaded, Zed the Zorro and Zen the Shearer,

other members were not that different in genre or culture. So, the Farm was in the spiral of

decline ever since.

PART VII

Operation of the SHIT

(Suppliers Hiring Intent Team)

Part VII

The Operation of the SHIT - Suppliers Hiring Intent Team

The Farm being huge and residing in many localities certainly require a lot of odds and

ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives to make it run properly.

Thus, due to the sheer quantity of materials and resource, a team was set up by the New

Farmer headed by the Head of the Realm of Communal Conjectures whose job was to obtain

and procure or rather get hold of the best materials and resources available from the vicinity and

environs of the Farm.

The vicinity and environs of the Farm were full of suppliers, vendors, providers, agents,

contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and

natives because when the Farm were set-up since time immemorial, the Locality had made it

obligatory that the Farm develop and cultivate these institutions of suppliers, vendor, providers,

agents, contractors and purveyors and the odd Ah Long One here and there.

Most of these suppliers, vendors, etc. were opportunists as they did not actually develop

the odds and ends, scraps, etc. but instead had become prosperous by becoming

intermediaries and had slapped-on huge margins for every odds and ends, scraps, etc. as each

every one of the suppliers, vendors, etc. had monopolistic trades and able to dictate the

commercial arrangements, which was rather odd as the Farm should have the final say.

However, those suppliers, vendors, etc. who had actually followed the decree and diktat

of the Locality to the letter, were under huge pressures as they had to invest, develop, validate,

verify and manufacture the odds and ends, scraps, etc. according to the Farm’s outlines and

blueprints. They were even under huge pressures because the SHIT more often than not had

decreed that suppliers, vendors, etc. that chose to develop technologies and skills, were

allocated smaller shares of the odds and ends, scraps etc. whilst meeting lower costs.

Indeed, the inner workings of the SHIT was a mystery to all except to the New Farmer as

he was the Chairman of SHIT, and the Head of the Realm of Communal Conjectures, as he was

the Vice Chairman of SHIT. You could say that these two were running SHIT as though they

were the owners of SHIT.

SHIT was formed by the New Farmer and somehow agreed upon by the Head of

Communal Conjectures Realm with the aim of trying to be more transparent and accountable for

the decisions made. Thus, the Members of SHIT were also Heads of Compost and Dung,

Concoction and Conception, Wizard and Magician and of course Farming. If the SHIT Chairman

could have his way, he would not appoint the Head of the Realm of Farming but he had no

choice. But, the Heads of Compost and Dung, Concoction and Conception and Wizard and

Magician including the SHIT Vice Chairman were the mouthpieces of the SHIT Chairman cum

New Farmer. And so it was that all decisions were made even with objections from the Realm of

Farming since the majority ruled and the majority was always right! Moreover, the SHIT Meeting

was always called to order when the Head of the Realm of Farming was not available or was

away, so the SHIT Meeting always flowed smoothly.

Henceforth, many suppliers, vendors, etc. were allotted and appointed to deliver odds

and ends, scraps etc. to the Farm who were not really suppliers, vendors, etc. but rather

opportunists and intermediaries. More puzzling was that these suppliers, vendors, etc. were

even given Tier 1 Status and had other suppliers, vendors, etc. under their ‘control’ and

“direction’.

The SHIT Vice Chairman did not actually prepare nor review the SHIT Paper for the

debate at the SHIT Meeting as well as for the SHIT Chairman’s approval. He had an Assistant

SHIT who did all the administrative and management for the SHIT Meeting. This Assistant used

to be employed by the Farm and was in the PUB (Procurement Unit & Buying). The Head of the

PUB had left because he had “formed” a vendor, called Outgross, and had sole supplier status

to the Farm and he therefore had no choice but to leave to manage the vendor so that he can

‘dictate’ the ‘margins’. Similarly, the Head of the PUB was relying on the PUB Assistant when

both of them were at the Farm. Thus, when the PUB Head left, the PUB Assistant also left. So,

both of them had enjoyed this “arrangement” with the Farm, ever since with great returns!

The Head of the Realm of Communal Conjectures was also from the Farm previously.

When the Farm was diversifying, it had formed a subsidiary Farm called Pee-Hedge-Anne and

the Head of the Realm of Communal Conjectures was assigned as the Principal. He had almost

total control of the subsidiary. The subsidiary was in an enviable position because it had sole

supplier rights and could not lose money because the margin was guaranteed by the Farm. And

so, Pee-Hedge-Anne was managed by him as though he owned the subsidiary and had his own

suppliers, vendors, etc. supplying to Pee-Hedge-Anne and margins were guaranteed too by the

Farm. When the New Farmer came on board of the Farm, he had recalled the Principal of Pee-

Hedge-Anne to Head the Realm of Communal Conjectures, and he, in turn had recalled the

Assistant of Outgross to become the Assistant of SHIT.

Henceforth, both Pee-Hedge-Anne and Outgross had almost unlimited access and

opportunities in the Farm. Many new Plants and Produce developed by the Farm that required

special compost, fertilizers, soil, etc. were supplied by Pee-Hedge-Anne and Outgross.

However, they (Pee-Hedge-Anne and Outgross) did not actually produce these compost,

fertilizers, soil, etc. but instead had out-sourced to others, the 2nd Tiers instead. But, both Pee-

Hedge-Anne and Outgross had insisted and was agreed by the Farm, that the development and

validations of these compost, fertilizers and soils, etc. would be invested by the Farm and in fact

paid in advance. Thus, both Pee-Hedge-Anne and Outgross had no risks at all but all the

margins to gain for!

Par-Mint-Tax and A-Poly-Ma meanwhile was also in the same advantageous positions

as Pee-Hedge-Anne and Outgross since the New Farmer somehow or rather was “connected”

to these two. When the new Multi-Purpose-Grain, MPG, was developed, Pee-Hedge-Anne,

Outgross, Par-Mint-Tax and A-Poly-Ma were the preferred suppliers even though none of them

knew anything about the MPG and how to carry-out the required program. Even more mystifying

was that Outgross, Par-Mint-Tax and A-Poly-Ma did not have enough resources and were in

fact under the administration of the Locality’s Bureau of Commerce and were actually just

surviving because of the Farm’s assistance, financially and materially. So, the Farm was

disbursing funds to Outgross, Par-Mint-Tax and A-Poly-Ma. The Farm had also dispatched its

skilled Farmers to the 2nd Tier Vendors to ensure that the supply of compost, fertilizers and soil

etc. could be achieved on time and at the right cost. So in essence Outgross, Par-Mint-Tax and

A-Poly-Ma were paid for doing nothing.

So how could Outgross, Par-Mint-Tax and A-Poly-Ma get away with these? It was

precisely because of the Assistant SHIT, the SHIT Vice Chairman and the SHIT Chairman

transparency and the SHIT Committee’s decisions that allowed suppliers, vendor, providers,

agents, contractors and purveyors and the odd Ah Long One to prosper!

PART VIII

Realm of Compost and Dung

Part VIII

Realm of Compost and Dung

Every year, the Farm would around the last quarter, start to initiate the FCUK (Farm’s

Commentaries Unanimously Kindred). Almost everybody in the Farm would be involved in this,

from the lowest rung of farmhands to the most senior farmers, except for those in the Realms of

Decree and Diktat, Wizard and Magician, Hangers and off course the Buffoon (which was not a

Realm but acted as though theirs was a Realm of the Highest Order!). Why this was so would

be unraveled as we go along.

The FCUK should initially start from the Compost and Dung Realm’s perspective as the

Farm’s products eventually would turn into compost if not stored properly or into dung after

being ingested. The Realm of Compost and Dung therefore should be the starting point for the

FCUK as they would dictate eventually how much of the grains, vegetables, crops and produce

would be farmed and produced in the coming year. The Realm of Compost and Dung would

assess and reassess the marketplace and determine which grains, vegetables, crops and

produce would fare in the coming year and how they would be placed in the marketplace. The

Realm of Compost and Dung should also propose to the Farm what kind of grains, vegetables,

crops and produce should be improved, developed or removed in accordance to the fancies of

the marketplace.

Thus all Realms were waiting for the Compost and Dung to come up with the

prospective volume and types of grains, vegetables, crops and produce including the variations

required to fulfill the wholesalers’, merchants’ and traders’ orders and requirements. Most of the

hard information and statistics would actually come from the Realm of Jumble and Rumble as

the jurisdiction and diktat of the wholesalers, merchants and traders were actually under the

Realm of Jumble and Rumble. Hence most of the work were done by the Jumblers and

Rumblers and finessed by the Composters and Dungers.

Now, if in the subsequent year, the Market which were serviced by the wholesalers,

merchants and traders were doing well, then the Realm of Compost and Dung would bask in the

glory and would immediately claimed that the FCUK was framed and postulated by them was

the key to the success and accomplishments of the Farm. And, all the Composters and Dungers

would be viewed as having achieved the most commendable work and would be bestowed with

all sorts of honors. However, if in the subsequent year, the Market were not doing well, the

Composters and Dungers would immediately shift the fault to others and more often than not

would censure the Realm of Farming instead as the volume and types of grains, vegetables,

crops and produce including the variations required to fulfill the wholesalers’, merchants’ and

traders’ orders and requirements were not met as the Farmers were not doing their job right.

Nothing was focused upon the inaccuracies or fallacies of the volumes and produce being

proposed by the Composters and Dungers including the Jumblers and Rumblers in the first

place. And still, these Composters and Dungers if not the Jumblers and Rumblers would

continue to be bestowed with all sorts of honors for having being able to frame-out the

beautifully crafted FCUK Document.

So, most of the Realm were wondering why the Realm of Compost and Dung could get

away with ‘murder’ and ‘mayhem’ which any normal Farm could not tolerate. The Head of the

Realm and Compost apparently came from the Farm that the New Representative came from

too. In fact they practice the same parlance and vernacular typical from the region of the Land-

of-the-Tan and the peoples of this land apparently came from the same off-springs. They may

not be brothers and sisters, but they were of the same clan. Whenever they were together, they

would suddenly switch from one vernacular to the other such that the Farmers would have

difficulty to understand what were required.

Now, what happened was that the people that made-up the Composters and Dungerswere slowly but very surely were being peopled by the people from the Land-of-the-Tan. In factmost of the people from the Land-of-the-Tan from the previous Farm that the New Farmer andthe Head of the Realm of the Composters and Dung came from had actually migrated to theFarm. The view was that the existing people were not good enough, so they have to besupplemented by these people instead. But, as it always turned out, these people only survivedbecause they were affiliated to the New Farmer, the Head of the Compost and Dung and thatthey were the people of the Land-of-the-Tan BUT work they could not do.

They could compile reports, they could conjure reports, they could regurgitate reports,but they certainly could not create actual concepts and thoughts, never! So who actually did allthose reports? As apparent from the previous narratives, it was none other than the remnants ofthe people of the Land-of-the-not-so-Tans.

Now, more often than not, the Composters and the Dungers with the cooperation of theJumblers and Rumblers would mutate and metamorphose the reports so that it would seem thatthey were the originators of the reports including the analyses. The Composers and theDungers especially the Head of the Realm would proudly present the Reports as the bases forthe FCUK. The Realms of Decree and Diktat, Wizard and Magician, Hangers and off course theBuffoons would clap and shout and hoot to show their signs of approvals and acceptances. TheNew Farmer (Sage the Holy) and the New Representative (Ozlon the Obese) also followed suitand gave their blessings and consents. Even the Members of the BORED would also give theirassents. Hence, the start of the FCUK was full of boisterousness and animated over the tophistrionics.

Then the actual documentations and preparations of the FCUK papers wouldcommence. And who would be the ‘casualty’? Obviously the Realms of Concoction andConception and Farming and to a degree the Realm of Communal Conjectures were the ‘real’workhorses. Hence, the final FCUK Papers were the resultant analyses and commentariesbased upon the “Reports” hatched by the Composters and Dungers, would be integrated by theRealm of Wizard and Magicians as the definitive FCUK for ALL to refer to and prepare their ownestablishment’s positions and state of affairs for the coming year.

The presentations of the FCUK were done with a lot of fanfare and flourish. The Head ofthe Realm of Wizard and Magicians was the Showmaster. The Head of the Realm of theCompost and Dung was in his element basking in the gloriousness of the FCUK Documents andPapers (whilst were not actually originated by him, nevertheless were portrayed as though theywere!) and was ably assisted by the Head of the Realm of Jumblers and Rumblers. The Headsof the Realms of Decree and Diktat, Wizard and Magician, Hangers and off course the Buffoonwere merely there as the supporters and every now and then would shout and hoot their assentand consent. However, the detailed operational and working of the FCUK would be presented

by the Heads of the Realms of Concoction and Conception and Farming, and they wouldactually be probed, interrogated and queried by all and sundry. But, the Heads of Concoctionand Conception and Farming knew what they were doing and could withstand all the onslaughtsand proddings and would triumph. But, were these not paradoxical? The Reports were the baseof the FCUK, the details were based from the Reports, and yet the very same peoples werequerying the documents of the concoctions and conceptions and farming? It actually looked asthough the New Farmer and the New Representative including the Members of the BOREDwere conspiring to discredit the Heads of the Realms of Concoction and Conception andFarming as though they were not worthy enough! But, in the end, the FCUK would be endorsedas the defining documents of Sage the Holy and Ozlon the Obese.

Even though, the FCUK would become the defining documents for the New Farmer andthe New Representative, come at the end of the year, when the results were different and thetargets defined as the SPIT (Strategic Planning Indicators Table) were not met, all fingers werepointing to who? The Farmers and the Realm of Farming of course! Hence, Sage the Holy andOzlon the Obese were f*c*k*ed and immediately begin to disown the FCUK and the Compostersand the Dungers and the Jumblers and the Rumblers and the Wizards and the Magicians wouldshift the blame to the Farmers, the Concoctioners and the Conceptioners and had resolved thatthe SPIT was not achieved not because the initial Reports that the FCUK were bases werefaulty, but instead because the Concoctioners and the Conceptioners and especially theFarmers were not adept at translating the FCUK Strategies and Intents into a workableoperational programme!

So, whilst the SPIT were not met, the Composters and the Dungers were adjudged tohave exceeded expectations and were given superlative status and were ascertained to haveachieved OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE and all the new people were given dividends andbonuses not known before! In fact all the supporters (Jumblers and Rumblers, Wizards andMagicians, Decrees and Diktats, Hangers and off course the Buffoons) would also be deemedto have achieved superlative performances all except the farmers who actually were doingactual farming!

Sage the Holy, the New Farmer and Ozlon the Obese, the New Representative, hadconvinced the Members of the BORED that the SPIT were not met not because the FCUK wereshockingly below par and defective but fundamentally due to the legacy inheritance (system offarming and the farmers) and hence could not be attributed to them. The Members of theBORED who were basically appointed by the New Representative would certainly agree andsanction the raison d'être and rationale of Sage the Holy and Ozlon the Obese. Thus, the finaloutcomes were that the Heads of the Realms of Farming and market Concoction andConception left after being requested by the Members of the BORED at the instigation of Sagethe Holy and endorsed by the Ozlon the Obese.

PART IX

Realm of Jumble and Rumble

Part IX

The Realm of Jumble and Rumble

The previous Head of the Realm of Jumble and Rumble had resigned and left after the

appointment of the New Farmer, Sage the Holy, simply because Sage the Holy could not really

appreciate the value and significance of good market assessment and reassessment which

actually would be able to determine which grains, vegetables, crops and produce would be able

to fare well if positioned appropriately in the marketplace. Sage the Holy thought that he knew

how to place the grains, vegetables, crops and produce in the marketplace better than the

previous Head of the Realm of Jumble and Rumble. Sage the Holy could not actually make

sense of the multitude of the jumble at the marketplace and the rumbles arising from the

wholesalers, merchants and traders that dealt with the multitudes of grains, vegetables, crops

and produce and inevitably had erred. And with this kind of situation, Sage the New Holy

Farmer, whilst being new and inexperienced, would not admit that he had erred but instead had

inferred that the previous Head of the Realm of Jumble and Rumble had not advised him

suitably, accurately and appropriately and hence had made judgments and decisions based

upon erroneous advise. Thus, the previous Head of the Realm of Jumble and Rumble could not

and would not accept to be made a scapegoat and had opted to leave. Henceforth, the New

Farmer had taken the portfolio of the Head of the Realm of Jumble and Rumble. And as he was

not proficient in the manners and language of the Jumble and Rumble, the wholesalers,

merchants and traders were becoming discontented, cynical and more pessimistic by the day.

Thus the data that the New Farmer and the Head of Jumble and Rumble required to

formulate the FCUK were not becoming reliable as the wholesalers, merchants and traders did

not have enough belief and confidence in the New Farmer, Sage the Holy, and had therefore

submit data that were not fully reflective of the marketplace but rather as response to what Sage

the Holy and The Head of Jumble and Rumble wanted to see and hear. Hence, the base

Reports and the resultant FCUK Documents that finally transformed the SHIT were rather

skewed and distorted to attain what Sage the Holy wanted to achieve and the Head of the

Jumble and Rumble wanted to develop.

The Realm of Jumble and Rumble was without a Head for quite a while since the

previous Head had opted to leave as he did not want to become the scapegoat for the New

Farmer. The New Farmer had searched and had found yet another of his ally that he thought

could fulfill the post of the Head of the Realm. The New Farmer had managed to convince the

New Representative of the proficiency, expertise and talent of his ally. The New Representative

had in turn managed to convince the Members of the BORED to approve the appointment of the

New Head of Jumble and Rumble.

The New Head of the Jumble and Rumble had been previously at the Farm of Hone-Dart

and at the Farm owned by the Tribe of Yellow-Slant-Eyes, he did not actually execute any

jumbling, and, any rumbles did not pass by him. He was merely being the talking head of the

local shareholders; the main function was merely to convey to the Tribe of Yellow-Slant-Eyes

the wishes of the local shareholders which were immediately ignored as mostly they were

twaddles and gobbledygooks. So the New Head was used to be called Sucker the Sap. Prior to

being at the Hone-Dart, he was at the Farm of Drivel-High-Con, and had done nothing similar to

ensure Jumbles were carried-out and Rumbles were managed. Prior to that he was at the Farm

of Sew-Sew-Key and just a normal minion there but Sucker-the-Sap had portrayed that he was

a Key Minion with huge responsibilities that were not elaborated.

It was therefore quite an achievement to be able to be appointed as the Head of Jumble

and Rumble whilst having managed not to do anything similar to a jumble nor a rumble before.

But an ally of the Sage the Holy he was without doubt, and he had mirrored Sage the Holy as

far as jumbling and rumblings were concerned which was exactly nothing!

Similar to the Realm of the Compost and Dung, the Realm of the Jumble and Rumble

were mainly manned by the people of the Land-of-the-Tan and they had also been positioned in

the choicest positions of responsibilities and with that perks and remunerations better than the

minions that had been working there since the beginning. Since the Realm of the Compost and

Dung were also manned by the people from the Land-of-the-Tan, the Realm of Jumble and

Rumble had also become the closest of collaborators to the exclusion of others, and more often

than not, had missed and ignored better-quality facts and statistics. Thus the collaborative effort

of Composters and Dungers, Jumblers and Rumblers, Wizards and Magicians culminating with

the FCUK and SPIT had inadvertently missed the point and would eventually not being able to

meet the required criteria and benchmarks.

The Realm of Jumble and Rumble had at their disposal, thousands of able-bodied

wholesalers, merchants and traders, but chose to ignore them. The Jumblers and Rumblers felt

that they were superior to the wholesalers, merchants and traders and thus would not believe

any data, facts and information that originated from different from what the Jumblers and

Rumblers believed were true. The wholesalers, merchants and traders had reacted accordingly

by submitting data, facts and information whilst not totally false were doctored to suit the

Jumblers ad Rumblers perceptions of the truth.

The New Head of Jumble and Rumble, Sucker the Sap, began by recruiting new

Jumblers and Rumblers from the New Farmer’s previous farm, the For-Each-Rod-Two, and

immediately alienating the wholesalers, merchants and traders. The new bunch of Jumblers and

Rumblers as was the culture at For-Each-Rod-Two, would portray that they know everything

under the sun, but when came to the real thing would either depend on the current people or as

always the case, employ a whole troupe of whiz and boffin that at the end would only regurgitate

what was fed to them in a different manner and almost without fail would insult the intelligence

by stating the obvious. Nevertheless, Sucker the Sap and his ensemble would always be

praised for having the foresight and prudence to employ these expert whiz and boffin in the first

place, whilst the remnants of the minions who had actually did the actual work to feed the troupe

of experts, were mostly ignored and sometimes were even ridiculed.

And so the changing of the guard and the minions at the Realm of Jumble and Rumble

happened as was announce to the networks and the public with great fanfare surpassing the

appointment of Ozlon the Obese as the New Representative even! The previous Farms, the

Farms of Hone-Dart, Drivel-High-Con and Sew-Sew-Key were actually surprised since they

were actually every time that he decided to leave their Farms.

And, what did the New Head of the Jumble and Rumble contribute? Well, the aggregate

of wholesalers, merchants and traders were declining, the grains, vegetables, crops and

produce had putrefied and turned to compost, and funds were dwindling since they were spent

to glorify the Realm of the Jumble and Rumble instead of improving the wholesalers’,

merchants’ and traders’ systems, processes and facilities.

And who would be assigned with the failure to meet the SPIT? Well, the Farmers of

course! The farmers could not farm; the farmers could not produce the grains, vegetables, crops

and produce according to time; the farmers could not meet the required attributes; the farmers

could not reduce the expenses and hence the grains, vegetables, crops and produce could not

be competitive; the farmers could not respond to the changing demands of the wholesalers,

merchants and traders; the farmers could not deliver at the required period; etc. etc. and never

once were the Jumblers and Rumblers were responsible for the differences in the conjectured

FCUK (which initially were produced by the Realms of Compost and Dung and the Jumble and

Rumble in the first place) and the actual realities!

PART X

Realm of Communal Conjectures

Part X

The Realm of Communal Conjectures

The current Head of the Realm of Communal Conjectures, Pallid the Grey, was

previously from an ancillary farm, which was a major supplier and vendor to The Farm, called

the Pee-Hedge-Anne. Pee-Hedge-Anne had enjoyed relatively stable growth and profits over

the years since The Farm had established Pee-Hedge-Anne as a 1st Tier and thus enjoyed

almost guaranteed margins and hence profits. Pee-Hedge-Anne need not worry as much as

other vendors and suppliers since it had The Farm as a major client and preferable

arrangements.

Pallid the Grey was brought in by the Sage the Holy since apparently they had known

each other were the best of colleagues. Whilst Pallid the Grey had managed Pee-Hedge-Anne

for quite a while, the actual operations and management were actually administered by a one

Lock-Mane. Pallid the Grey in essence had minimal knack in managing suppliers, vendors,

providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff,

implements, objects and natives as he had only The Farm as a client. In fact The Farm was

managing the suppliers, vendors etc. that dealt with Pee-Hedge-Anne.

Thus, the Realm of Communal Conjectures was in for a shock as Pallid the Grey had

little compassion and empathy towards junior conjectures and even less sympathy and

tolerance to his previous competitors, the suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and

purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and natives.

Pallid the Grey, true to form would not actually be doing any of the difficult work and had

therefore brought in his Assistant who, for all intent and purpose, was the de facto Communal

Conjecture decision maker. Now, these decisions would certainly be meeting Sage the Holy’s

directions and requirements which the Assistant was very well versed of. The Assistant, Maize

the Root, had many years before was part of The Farm and was actually doing almost similar

work, in fact, whilst the Realm has been changed into The Realm of Communal Conjecture, it

was practically the same realm. One could say that he was returning to his roots and he was

immediately at ease but others were not at ease. Prior to this, Maize the Root, had been at the

supplier called Outgross, but he did not fit in that well. However, he was treated well by

Outgross since one of the Senior Partners was his former boss at The Farm, Rah the Hymn.

So the Realm of Communal Conjectures was practically run by Maize the Root and he

was ably assisted by Shah the Khan, who had drafted all the conjecture papers for the

communal appointments of the suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and

purveyors. No wonder that the two most preferred apparent 1st suppliers who would always

manage to win most of the bids were Pee-Hedge-Anne and Outgross. Many of the people in the

Realm of Communal Conjectures were of the same ilk as Maize the Root and Shah the Khan

and over the years had benefited from some kind of relationships with most of the suppliers,

vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors. Some of these relationships were very

open and most were very hushed. The funny thing was that The Farm had instituted a “Whistle

Blower Policy” as well as requiring all to declare their assets, and yet these kinds of

relationships were openly practiced by the people of the Realm of Communal Conjectures.

Perhaps, the people of Communal Conjectures had too much dominance and authority over the

decisions of appointing suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors such

that the users of these services had very little influence and were powerless against the might of

the Sage the Holy, Pallid the Grey, Maize the Root and the most powerful of all, Shah the Khan

who was actually the mouthpiece of Sage the Holy. All of these powerful individuals were very

affluent, prosperous and way beyond comfortable and were privileged to be able to splurge and

consume way beyond their means. And yet, they seemed impervious and invincible! Well, they

should be since they were under the sanctuary of Sage the Holy. A holy man could no wrong!

Under the patronage of the Realm of Communal Conjectures, the suppliers, vendors,

providers, agents, contractors and purveyors had formed a guild called the Farm’s Family of

Font Fortune (FFFF) and also true to form the Ruler of the Guild was from the Land-of-the-Tan,

one called One the Only. He was also apparently close to Sage the Holy, without a doubt was

benefitting from the relationship as well as being the Ruler of the Guild.

The FFFF Guild by constitution would be liable and accountable to the Realm of

Communal Conjectures. As such much of the initiatives and activities of the FFFF were

revolving around what the Realm of Communal Conjectures would dictate. The FFFF and The

Farm would have a monthly jamboree and get-together and the FFFF would be updated by the

Realm of Communal Conjectures on the Farm’s progress and upcoming initiatives. However,

the actual briefing was not done by any of the Communal Conjectures but actually by the Realm

of Farming and sometimes by the Realm of Concoction and Conception. Any difficult issues

would be brushed aside by the Communal Conjectures or would be left to the Realms of

Farming and Concoction and Conception to unravel and resolve. Meanwhile, the Realms of

Wizards and Magicians and the Hangers would be at the periphery ready to pounce on any slip-

ups or blunders by the Realm of Farming and Concoction and Conception, sometimes even by

the FFFF Guild. The climate of the monthly FFFF Guild and The Farm jamboree was not very

cordial and many were not very happy on the way that the Hangers and the Wizards and

Magicians were interrupting the proceedings. They, the Hangers and the Wizards and

Magicians, were not constructing but rather destructing the proceedings. Hence, the monthly

jamboree did not actually achieve anything but only to serve as the conduit for the building of

sense of selves for the FFFF Guild Ruler and the Hangers and Wizards and Magicians.

The Realm of Communal Conjectures in conjunction with the FFFF Guild would on an

annual basis deliberate and decide who amongst the community of suppliers, vendors,

providers, agents, contractors and purveyors would be bestowed with The Farm’s tributes,

honors and awards culminating with the highest accolade, the FFFFUCK (Farm’s Family Font of

Fortune Ultimate Credit and acKnowledgement). It was not surprising therefore that the

recipients of the various awards were none other than Pee-Hedge-Anne, Outgross, Par-Mint-

Tax and A-Poly-Ma and Pee-hedge-Anne was even doubly honored with winning the FFFFUCK

Award! Other suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors anyway enjoyed

the lavish spread and entertainment even if they believed that most of the recipients who were

honored were not very honorable. Even Sage the Holy enjoyed the entertainment whilst trying to

look holy throughout the night. Ozlon the Obese as usual would enjoy the food and would end

up even more obese the next day.

And so, the Realm of the Communal Conjecture continued as though nothing was the

matter. As though what they had decided were beyond reproach. As though what they had

implemented were beyond reprove. As though what they had suppressed were beyond rebuke.

As though what they had gained were their god-given right and beyond blame. As though the

Communal Conjectures were blessed and were extending their gifts towards those they chose

and damn to others.

PART XI

Realm of Wizard and Magician

Part XI

The Realm of Wizard and Magician

And, the Farm’s expenditures continued to grow! The Realm of Wizard and Magician

was commanded and decreed by Sage the Holy to execute schemes and measures to ensure

that expenses and spends were controlled and that costs-saving schemes and measures would

be implemented and executed. The Realm of Wizards and Magicians by this time was headed

by a Dr. Sammy Davis the Third, or Pipsqueak Wizard and Magician. The Pipsqueak Sammy

Davis the Third continued to utilize his belief in his superiority of the art of Flog, an ancient game

of wizardry and magic, as his foundation in his daily supervision and command. Now, the Realm

of Wizard and Magician was newly created and was in fact specifically set up to execute specific

initiatives related to improving The Farm’s value-chain of operations, from concoction,

conception, farming etc. including jumble and rumble at the final end addressing the consumers’

needs and requirements.

Since the Realm of Wizard and Magician was newly formed, it was in need of recruits

that would be able to execute the much needed costs-savings initiatives. The Realm of Wizard

and Magician was also tasked to develop the Reformation Document that would form as a basis

to transform The Farm. Apparently, the New Representative, Ozlon the Obsese had presented

to the Members of the BORED that The Farm was in need of changes. The World was affected

by the Blight of the Lard and The Farm was apparently badly affected. In fact farms all over the

localities and regions and actually all over the world were severely affected. Hence a

transformation scheme would be required. The New Farmer, Sage the Holy, was tasked to

develop the transformation schemes. And as usual the task was delegated to Pipsqueak

Sammy Davis the Third to develop instead.

Pipsqueak Sammy Davis the Third had requested the approval of the Sage the Holy for

the appropriation of able bodied personnel from all over The Farm. And so, the Realms in effect

were very pleased and ecstatic at this, since they would have the opportunity to jettison and

discard the entire Deadwood in their Realms. Obviously the Realms would not declare nor

reveal the true nature of these Deadwoods. Instead the Realms were actually embellishing and

publicizing that these Deadwoods were “The Best of the Best” and “One-of-a-Kind”. Thus,

Pipsqueak Sammy Davis the Third was so delighted and pleased that he did not actually verify

the quality of these deadwoods. And, so he was saddled with these Deadwoods that were adept

at drifting along and moving with the currents.

These Deadwoods were so blissful. By being seconded to the Realm of Wizard and

magician, they were granted with supplementary wages and benefits which otherwise would not

be accorded to them had they stayed at their present areas. So these Deadwoods were not

overly concerned at how they execute their errands, since their expertise was to squeal the

magic name, Sage the Holy and sometimes Ozlon the Obese for the other Realms to execute

their initiatives and activities. These initiatives and activities were supposedly planned by the

Deadwoods but in reality these were actually planned by the Realms themselves.

On a monthly basis, Pipsqueak Sammy Davis the Third, would hold a convention

attended by Sage the Holy and sometimes, Ozlon the Obese to present the status and progress

of the Costs-Savings Measures, CSM with great fanfare and amplification. All the Deadwoods

were there, and they actually have gotten along very well with the Hangers who were also there.

The Head Buffoon was also there because Ozlon the Obese was there. It was Ozlon the Obese

who had brought the Head Buffon into the Farm. For the Job as head Buffoon, he was paid very

handsomely and was the third highest paid personnel after Ozlon the Obese and Sage the Holy,

which was quite funny of course, since the Head Buffoon job was merely to record all the

minutes of the Meetings and as Head Buffoon, he only took minutes for the BORED Meeting. All

the Heads of the Realms knew about this certainly, but could not do much about it since the

head Buffoon was close to Ozlon the Obese. Perhaps, the Head Buffoon had in his possession

secrets and covert information belonging to Ozlon the Obese, the New Representative, and

therefore could wield his influence over him.

Now at this monthly CSM Meeting, the Pipsqueak Davis the Third did not actually brief

anything. He had instead delegated this to the Head of the Deadwoods. This particular

Deadwood apparently was a relative of Sage the Holy and had the gift of the gab. In fact his

pronunciation of the language was exactly like the Sage the Holy complete with holy verses and

sayings. Perhaps that was why he was chosen. The Head of the Deadwood was in his element.

His briefings were in a mode as though he was the originator of the wrok. His comportment was

as though he was the man who had executed all the labor. In fact, he had conveniently and in a

deadpan manner, appropriated all the work done by the Realms, particularly from the Realms of

Farming and Concoction and Conception and made them his own. The farmers, concoctioners

and conceptioners were relegated to mere minions as though they exist only to do his bidding.

What was amusing was that the details of the briefings were left to the minions from the Realms

of Farming and Concoction and Conception. These were the Realms that had substantiated

their work and had demonstrated the activities and initiatives and authenticate their outcomes.

The others were merely presenting their thoughts and plan with nothing concrete to corroborate

their activities. So, the Head of the Deadwoods, was flying high and had received accolades on

a monthly basis through these briefings whilst the minions were left agape with not even a

mention nor thanks. Even Pipsqueak Sammy Davis the Third was also patted at the back by

Sage the Holy and sometimes by Ozlon the Obese. The hard work done by the Heads of the

Realms of Farming and Concoction and Conception was not even registered! They were merely

minions in the eyes of Sage the Holy and even through the bigger eyes of Ozlon the Obese.

Not all the Deadwoods were really Deadwoods. A couple of them were from the Realm

of Communal Conjectures. Apparently they could not get along with Pallid the Grey as well as

Maize the Roo. The methodologies employed by Pallid the Grey and Maize the Roo were not

what they had been trained to adopt and execute. Thus, Pallid the Grey and maize the Roo had

taken the opportunity to jettison them. So, these two jettisoned personnel were in a team of

Deadwoods. They were in a somewhat fortunate position as they, like all the Deadwoods,

enjoyed additional remuneration and benefits and had actually escaped the clutches of Pallid

the Grey and Maize the Roo and thus spared the dubious benefit of being in the SHIT.

The Hangers and the Head of the Buffoon were actually invited by the Pipsqueak to

assist his band of Wizards and Magicians or Deadwoods to do some magic. The CSM really did

require magical potions and spells. Only those who were skilled in their realms would be able to

conjure these potions and spells. However, the Head of the Deadwoods or Wizards and

Magicians, had learnt to hex earlier in his life. Rumors had it that he learnt the hex from Sage

the Holy who in turn had learnt it when he went to the Holy Farm. As they were very much

related, perhaps there were truths to the rumors. So the Head of the Deadwoods outshone

everybody, even sometimes Sage the Holy. But, Sage the Holy did not even realize that!

At these CSM Monthly meetings, the Hangers main contribution were to haggle with the

representatives of the Realms of Farming and Concoction and Conception and to portray as

though they were more attuned to the intricacies of farming, concoction and conception. The

Head Buffoon meanwhile was appending and continuing what the Hangers had started and

eventually portrayed himself as “The Master of All Farming and Concoction and Conception”.

When came to the development of the Reformation Document which Sage the Holy had

delegated to Pipsqueak Sammy Davis the Third, the Head of the Deadwoods and the Head

Buffon conveniently disappeared and revealed that they were too much involved and engrossed

in the CSM to be able to be engaged in the initiative. Even the Hangers were somehow busy

hanging somewhere else!

Thus, Pipsqueak Sammy Davis the Third had no choice but to employ the Farm and

Farming Experts instead for close to 5 million sacks of rice and a few sacks of tapioca as

approved by the new Representative, Ozlon the Obese who had finally waylaid the Farm

Reformation Document as though he had developed them himself.

The Farm and Farming Expert went all around the farm and talked to all and was lucky

to have gotten hold of a previously developed document outlining the possible farm and farming

transformations by the 4 Senior Assistant Farmers and combined with the power of the digital,

the Farm Reformation Document was completed.

So that was how the Farm Reformation Document that was supposed to be developed

by Sage the Holy, who, had instead delegated it to Pipsqueak Sammy Davis the Third, purveyor

of the ancient art of Flog, who had instead, employed Farm and Farming Experts at the behest

of Ozlon the Obese, when in actual fact, the Farm Reformation Document was actually a rework

of the Document developed by the 4 Senior Assistant Farmers who were ‘executed! And

eventually, the Farm Reformation Document belonged to Ozlon the Obese who had

conveniently presented to the Members of the BORED, the members of which had no clue

whatsoever and had approved the contents of the farm Reformation Document which did not

illustrate how the Reformation was going to be realized and achieved!

PART XII

Realm of Decree and Diktat

Part XII

The Realm of Decree and Diktat

Since the very beginnings of The Farm, the Realm of Decree and Diktat had been

administered by the feminine side. The current Head of the Realm of Decree and Diktat was no

difference except that the lass was a good friend of the New Farmer. And as usual, all the

friends of the New Farmer would have better remuneration and benefits than those who had

been at The Farm all these while, and in particular the farmers.

As was the case, the Head of the Realm of Decree and Diktat, My-Shell the Crab,

immediately began to expand the Realm. The Realm had for years been functioning effectively

and efficiently with less than a tenth of what My-Shell the Crab had inflated the realm. She had

so many officials that the Realm could actually be turned into a sizeable firm able to manage all

sorts of issues and would be able to develop and release various declaration and statement.

When The Farm was faced with issues related to decrees and diktats it was natural to

expect the Realm to actually manage the issues by themselves. Furthermore, the size of the

Realm was now more than triple it was before. They have officials for all sorts of circumstances.

All the new officials were hand-picked by My-Shell the Crab and Sage the Holy. These new

officials would have better status and stipend than those who were there since the inception of

The Farm. Certainly it was natural to expect these new officials including My-Shell the Crab to

be able to respond and react to these concerns as second nature.

It was however far from expectation. In fact, similar to the Realms of Compost and Dung

as well as the Jumble and Rumble, it was becoming fashionable to hire experts. My-Shell the

Crab was very fashionable indeed and true to form, she had brought in experts in decrees and

diktats. Some of them were from lands far away and it had cost The Farm huge amount of

currencies. Now, these so-called experts as usual would liaise with the officers, and in this case,

the erstwhile officers. The new officers meanwhile were playing the role of supervisors and were

supervising both the erstwhile officers and the experts. At the end of the day, it was the

documents and analyses of the erstwhile officers that had been repackaged by the experts that

came through. If the new officers had really had that skill to review and reassess the

documents, The Farm would not have had to disburse huge amount of currencies to the

experts! Anyway, the new officers would be the ones who would present the repackaged

documents to My-Shell the Crab and thereafter to Sage the Holy who would not present to the

Members of the BORED. Thus the real toilers had become toilets instead! And the pseudo-

toilers had stolen the thunders from underneath the toilers. This was to be expected as My-Shell

the Crab was of the same ilk as the Heads of Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble and

Wizard and Magician who were the protégés of Sage the Holy.

The Realm of Decree and Diktat were fond of assigning the guilt to the previous Farm’s

Management. She would not hesitate to censure the remnants of the previous Farm’s

Management even though she had no clear substantiation nor verification. Al she had was the

concurrence of Sage the Holy as well as Ozlon the Obese. In fact the phrase, “Legacy Issues”,

which was strewn all over The Farm, was her creation! Indeed, if anything was amiss, the

favorite phrase would be, “Well, it was a legacy issue”, and everybody was happy that the issue

was answered by just this phrase.

The New Farmer, Sage the Holy was a very frequent user of this phrase thanks to my-

Shell the Crab. The New Representative surprisingly also was a frequent user of this phrase

which was surprising as someone who claimed to be from Oxbridge, would be expected to have

better phraseology than this. And so, everybody would from then on conveniently utilize this

magic phrase for all sorts of situations and circumstances and would get away with anything.

Imagine, how would the erstwhile people who were and had been the backbone of the

creation of The Farm would feel? They, who were the remnants and who had continuously

toiled without consideration of anything but for the Farm’s well-being!

Anyway, there were not that many issues and for a Farm of this size, there were bound

to have some level of issues related mainly to the customers and clients of The Farm. Thus,

most of these issues would normally be resolved by the Realm. Nevertheless, My-Shell the

Crab and her crabs, had conveniently continue to engage experts whilst her crabs would

supervise and she would administer, and the erstwhile remnants would continue to work their

butts off!

My-Shell the Crab was also part of the FART (Fast Action Response Team) and would

most of the time be in the meeting chaired by the New Farmer, Sage the Holy and minuted by

the Head Buffoon. The Head Buffoon, Nee-Psalm the Din and My-Shell the Crab were

apparently very close. Most were wondering why they were so close, since Nee-Psalm the Din

was not wedded whilst My-Shell the Crab was. Perhaps it was because they had something in

common. Nee-Psalm the Din inadvertently in the FART would behave as though he was the

New Farmer and would make an awfully and extremely din and racket and would direct his

scathing remarks and comments towards his favorite nemesis, the Temporary Head of Minion

Resource. All through this charade, My-Shell the Crab would also pitch in and was in support of

Nee-Psalm the Din. This charade was orchestrated by Ozlon the Obese, the New

Representative, apparently to ruffle the feathers of the New Farmer to ascertain whether he

would be able to manage the FART well enough or otherwise.

On one occasion, Nee-Psalm the Din was making a hell of a din and was directing this

towards the Senior Assistant Farmer, the Head of Farming. Nee-Psalm the Din did not check his

source of information and was immediately torn to shreds by the Head of Farming. In the ruckus

and pandemonium, My-Shell the Crab would also pitch in support of Nee-Psalm the Din, and

was also gutted by the head of Farming since he had all the data and information. Now, the

New Farmer was not happy as the two favorite minions of Ozlon the Obese had been reduced

to tatters and this reflect badly on him in front of Ozlon the Obese, the New Representative.

Thus the three of them had conspired to ‘remove’ the Senior Assistant Farmer, the Head

of Farming from that point onwards. And who had been the intermediary? None other than the

Temporary Head of Minion Resource, Hedge the Gee the favorite nemesis of the Head Buffon.

PART XIII

Realm of Minion Resource

Part XIII

The Realm of Minion Resource

The Realm of Minion Resource had recently undergone very turbulent times and all

because the New Farmer had decided to employ his childhood friend Zee the Glam, as the

Head of Minion Resource! Zee the Glam was formerly employed by the farm Eastern Numeral

where he was the Head of Minion Resource. He was in that position simply because Eastern

Numeral required a local to be part of the organization as the locality’s decreed that at least

30% of the workforce must be local. Thus, 1 Head of Minion Resource plus many farmhands

was equivalent to 30% of the workforce. Zee the Glam was very happy to be there and was

prospering. Indeed, one could mistake him as The Farmer by virtue of his disposition and

appeal. Somehow or rather he was carried away and had inadvertently behaved as though he

was The Farmer and had in many instances given favors to his kindred and comrades

bypassing Eastern Numeral’s canons and tenets, so much so that The Farmer had no choice

but to request Zee the Glam to disappear or various suits would be taken against him.

At this juncture, he had already left his spouse and was very much on the way to

courting a famous starlet and celebrity. Certainly he would be in a quandary since to maintain

his lifestyle and that of the celebrity including to manage his previous mate would be somewhat

constrained if he had no obvious means of revenue. Hence, the offer of Sage the Holy was very

timely indeed! Not only would he be moving to a higher profile farm, he was offered very

substantial remuneration and benefits. At that point in time, he was the third highest paid

individual at The Farm besides Ozlon the Obese and Sage the Holy until somehow Nee-Psalm

the Din got wind of it and complained to Ozlon the Obese was immediately upgraded and

promoted to twice his current remuneration and various benefits to the third highest paid

individual whilst still taking and jotting some minutes!

When he reported to The Farm, all were abuzz about his impending nuptials to the

celebrity. His appointment to The Farm was widely reported in the glitzy media. In fact,

mysteriously hundreds of copies of the magazine were all over the place at The Farm! Thus

everybody knew who Zee the Glam was and who his intended partner was. So for months

everybody was talking about Zee the Glam and his future partner. For months nobody cared too

much about whether Minion Resource was managed properly or not. For months Zee the Glam

was smiling broadly and was oblivious to the crisis facing Minion Resource. At the FART also,

discussions somehow or rather would focus on Zee the Glam and his celebrity intended partner.

This was to be expected as the New Farmer, Sage the Holy was known have a liking for starlets

and celebrities too! Ozlon the Obese was not too far behind! So, for months Zee the Glam was

teased about his celebrity friend et al.

The previous Head of Minion Resource was somewhat of a minor celebrity herself. Due

to that and using her wily charms on the Previous Farmer, she had managed to expand and

enlarge the Realm of Minion Resource whereby it had the most managerial-type class of

personnel of all in The Farm. This tradition was continued by Zee the Glam and the Realm of

Minion Resource had grown to an almost disproportionate size in comparison to the size of The

Farm. If one were to throw a stone at the Realm of Minion Resource one would surely hit a

managerial-class type person for sure!

Thus, the Realm of Minion Resource had more people talking and chatting and

conversing and squabbling and bickering and wrangling and arguing and giving the impression

that they were pondering and contemplating and cogitating and ruminating and deliberating and

thinking rather than doing actual work! In the end the work as usual would be done by the

Realms themselves except for the Realms of Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble,

Communal Conjectures and Wizard and Magician which by practice would employ experts and

they would supervise whatever the experts were supposed to do. The Realms of Decree and

Diktat and the Hangers including the Troupe of Buffoons forever would have nothing to do but

almost demand the best the Minion Resource would propose to the New Farmer and which

would be endorsed at the FART and subsequently approved at the BORED Meeting and finally

signed-off by the New Representative.

As usual, annually The Farm would be evaluating all the people in The Farm from the

lowly minion and farmhand right up to the Head of the Realm. These exercises would be

managed by the Minion Resource and they would always come up with differing criteria that

would favor their ilk – the Realms of Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble, Communal

Conjectures and Wizard and Magician including the Realms of Decree and Diktat and the

Hangers as well as the Troupe of Buffoons. Other Realms would have their SPIT – Strategic

Planning Indicator Table – in a very crystal clear manner and plain for all to perceive, whilst

these specific Realms (the Realms of Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble, Communal

Conjectures and Wizard and Magician including the Realms of Decree and Diktat and the

Hangers as well as the Troupe of Buffoons) would actually do not have any SPIT instead they

had their own version of SPIT – Strategic Planning Invisible Table – which only they would be

able to comprehend and accomplish. As the Realm of Minion Resource was also a subscriber to

this type of SPIT, the other SPIT had actually become secondary to their SPIT.

Therefore it was not a surprise that the people from these Realms (the Realms of

Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble, Communal Conjectures and Wizard and Magician

including the Realms of Decree and Diktat and the Hangers as well as the Troupe of Buffoons)

almost always would be rated very highly. In fact in the History of The Farm, never before had

one Realm been rated so highly as the Troupe of the Buffoons who had all the people inside it

(except those remnants) being evaluated as Outstanding! It was really a mockery of but who’s

to argue since the New Representative, Ozlon the Obese, by whatever rationale and motive,

had actually approved the ratings. Even the new Farmer was aghast since his minions were not

even rated that highly. Perhaps, the Buffoons had written exemplary prose out of all the minutes

that they had written and if one were to read them, one would be wild with ecstasy! But it was

far from the truth since the minutes were full of gaffes and bloopers!

Now, the Head of the Minion Resource were oblivious to all these since he was looking

forward to his impending nuptials with the starlet and celebrity. So, the PMS – Popular

Makeshift Syndrome – went as though it was perfect and had taken all the necessary conditions

into place. The PMS had undergone various transformations and had been adopted in its

present from when Sage the Holy and Zee the Glam had proposed to Ozlon the Obese on the

superiority of the system. Obviously, Nee-Psalm the Din had a hand it since his Troupe of

Buffoons (and him off course) had benefitted greatly from the PMS. And so The Farm had two

versions of SPIT and PMS without the New Farmer or the New Representative realizing it! Even

with the wisdom of the Members of the BORED, these SPIT and PMS was adopted and

approved for implementation without anyone realizing the fallacy of the proposal. This could

only happen of course with the connivance of the Head Buffoon and the Head of the realm of

Minion Resource.

The day of the nuptials was becoming closer and closer. Zee the Glam had used his

position as the Head of Minion Resource to mobilize his people to administer his nuptial

preparations and arrangements. The people of Minion Resource were very happy indeed as

they would not be working at The Farm but instead would be mingling with all sorts of starlets

and would-be celebrities. The ceremony was a grand affair indeed and Who’s Who of the

locality were invited. Major and minor celebrities were there. Zee the Glam was very glamorous

on that night almost outshining his partner! The Members of the BORED were very happy too as

they seldom had the opportunity to mingle with these kinds of people whose basic idea of life

was to glamorous and more glamorous at all cost!

So a few months after the nuptials, Zee the Glam was caught utilizing The Farm’s Credit

Credentials for purchasing his or her personal objects and had failed to reimburse The Farm.

Anyway, Zee the Glam was let-off with a reminder. But, a few months later, he had again

utilized The Farm’s Credit Credentials to procure furniture and fittings to the tune of almost ten

times his remuneration and similarly had failed to reimburse The Farm. He had no choice but to

leave The Farm due to this oversight. When he left, it was announced that Zee the Glam had

other offers and interests and was leaving to pursue these.

Thus, on the interim a Temporary Head was appointed, Hedge the Gee. Almost without

exception, he was also a good acquaintance of Sage the Holy. When Sage had not become

Holy yet, he had Hedge the Gee and another super person, Ewe the Nose as his personal

advisors. When Sage was not holy, he was caught by his spouse for alleged transgression with

some hot lass and lasses and all hell were about to break loose were it not for the intervention

of Hedge the Gee and Ewe the Nose. Sage the Unholy had Hedge the Gee and Ewe the Nose

as his witnesses to convince his spouse that he would turn over a new leaf and had sworn to

become holy. From that point onwards, almost always Hedge the Gee and Ewe the Nose would

plan some kind of sacred-oriented initiatives to make Sage become even Holier, if not actually

pious. Recently, Sage the Holy was stormed by his spouse at The Farm together with the off

springs. There was quite a ruckus and the week after, the personal assistants of Sage the Holy,

had left! Why? Because their significant others could not tolerate their spouses to be the keeper

of unholy secrets and transgressions.

Anyway, the term of the Temporary Head of the Realm Minion Resource had not been

long. He was replaced by a feminine Head recommended by the Ozlon the Obese as a wedge

to Sage the Holy who had by now thought he had The Farm as his own and would hire all sorts

of characters not necessarily required by The Farm. The New Head of Minion resource, Has-

Not Been, had been without any companion for quite a while. Sometimes she would act out her

frustrations on the minions outside her realm.

True to form, if you are either a friend of Sage the Holy or Ozlon the Obese, you would

eventually thought you are beyond reproach and would inadvertently betrayed your true nature.

The lure of perceived power would be difficult to ignore especially if one had the confidence of

Sage the Holy and Ozlon the Obese. With them as tour mentor you would ultimately succumb to

the temptation. This was what had happened to Has-Not Been. She could not resist that

temptation was caught in the midst of enjoying the fascination of the dominance. Anyway,

Hedge the Gee was still there to continue the tradition. And he was ably supported by Ewe the

Nose. These two had performed almost like the infamous Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

who were the sweet villains. Hedge the Gee and Ewe the Nose were the Holy villains hiding

behind sacred rites to do the unholy biddings of Sage the Holy who was becoming unholy by the

minute!

PART XIV

Realm of Wangle and Finagle

Part XIV

The Realm of Wangle and Finagle

The Realm of Wangle and Finagle was there magic could be applied if so desired. With

a little magic and a little reengineering, the Realm of Wangle and Finagle could make certain

things disappear, make somebody a hero or a villain, make The Farm very productive or

otherwise, allow The Farm to pay dividends and bonuses or not, in fact all sorts of things could

be done with the right sort of Wangle and Finagle person.

Ozlon the Obese who was once the Chief Regulator for the Locality had somehow

wrangled himself to replace the Old Representative. When he became the New Representative,

he replaced the Previous Farmer with a New Farmer, Sage the Holy. To complete the set of

hierarchy, he also brought in the Head of the Buffoon, Head of the Scanner, Head of the Mole,

Head of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker and Head of Wangle and Finagle, thereby repressing at a

stroke the existing people who had been manning and executing the functions albeit on an

interim basis. Thus, by this the people had no opportunity at all to grow within The Farm. The

New Representative was a suspicious person by nature and would not in any circumstance

believe any of the existing people.

Before the new Farmer was appointed, The Farm was on the interim managed by 2

Senior Assistant Farmers, one to look after the Farming Operation and one to look after the

Plant, Crops and Produce Development. When the New Representative was appointed, even

though he had appointed the two Interim Farmers, he in actual fact was there seemingly

managing the Farm on daily basis. In actual fact, what he did was to listen to a lot of briefings

and then pretend to ponder and then seeming proceed to proffer his views, which had no

decision at all! Most of the decisions were actually presented by the two Interim Farmers.

One day he called the two Interim Farmers apparently for a meeting, but actually, to sit

in as though they were part of a panel of interviewers, to assess the potential Head of Wangle

and Finagle. Immediately, the New Representative began to wax lyrical about the potential

Head of Wangle and Finagle at his previous place which was where they had worked together.

Was this not simultaneous collusion and coercion? But what can the Interim farmers do? Ozlon

the Obese had also brought in a Junior Member of the BORED into The Farm apparently to

assist him but more often than not to do his bidding! Mind you, The Farm by this time was

operating more like a feudal system rather than a professionally run farm! Whilst Ozlon the

Obese would not decide (or would not put his signature on any pertinent documents more

accurately!), all matters must be brought to his attention. This was more for his benefit than for

The Farm as he would be able to orchestrate matters to his liking. Anyway, the Head of The

Wangle and Finagle, Wing the Tai-Chi, was duly appointed.

By the way, Wing the Tai-Chi had been discharged from his previous place (where

Ozlon the Obese was the Chief) was give very hefty gratuities. In fact he was very well-off and

did not require this employment. The offer was too good to be true and Wing the Tai-Chi off

course agreed without any second thoughts. Wing the Tai-Chi like Ozlon the Obese, had never

in their life did any farming of involved in any farming. What expertise they had were related to

policing and regulating and normalizing and conforming and legalizing trades and commerce

which may or may not be related to farming, but, certainly related to making wealth out of other

peoples’ riches. The business of policing that they had was a monopolistic business decreed by

the locality and thus they had never known real competition.

With this background, Wing the Tai-Chi came and became the Head of Wangle and

Finagle and immediately made enemies of the people in the Realm of Wangle and Finagle. As

he came from a background of policing and regulating including the culture of employing

experts, Wing the Tai-Chi (perhaps Ozlon the Obese) had not actually been doing and wangling

and finagling. And Wing the Ta-Chi obviously with his exalted position began to decree

commands and instructions without understanding the intricacies of The Farm. More so, he had

given these commands and instructions without any leadership, guidance and advice. Thus, the

wangling and finagling could not meet the New Representative and the members of the BORED

requirements.

And when the New Farmer came in, the Head of Wangle and Finagle also became his

nemesis. Wing the Tai-Chi was fond of pointing discrepancies and mistakes in the wangling and

finagling of The Farm and would point his fat fingers to those people he thought was the culprit.

However, when confronted actual facts and figures, Wing the Tai-Chi could not validate his

claims. And, these continued and continued until even Ozlon the Obese had become

embarrassed as he was the one who had brought him in, including Jabba the Jaded who had

provided glowing recommendations, and had assured that Wing the Tai-Chi was the best

candidate ever.

Wing the Tai-Chi was not even perturbed or concerned by the situation. He had good

remunerations and benefits. His previous windfall was still abundant. For all intent and purpose,

his current position was in fact an added bonus which similar to that of Ozlon the Obese’s

position as the New Representative! Hence, the Realm of Wangle and Finagle continued as

though nothing was amiss. Any issues highlighted and emphasized by the BORED in particular

by Zen the Shearer, who once was the External Examiner of The Farm, would be brushed or

deflected to other Heads of The Farm whilst Wing the Tai-Chi continued to point his fatty fingers

to others except himself.

The External Examiner appointed by the BORED and endorsed by the New

Representative, would on an annual basis inspect the wangles and finagles of The Farm and

would thereafter report to the BORED and almost always would find faults. Under professional

situation, the Head of Wangle and Finagle would meet with the External Examiner and would

resolve issues with the aim of conciliation. Because Zen the Shearer was once employed by the

External Examiner, Cost-Wet-Abode, they had been conveniently employed without any

scrutiny. Ironically, issues that were once resolved when Zen the Shearer was the External

Examiner, now had become even bigger issues, presumably because Zen the Shearer had

taken affront towards The Farm all of a sudden, but perhaps personally to take retribution on

people of The Farm predominantly on those that had crossed his path before. Chin the Tai-Chi

in all these had expertly been able to skirt, dodge and evade these upsurge and eruptions by

reproaching others or more conveniently his subordinates.

Thus, the subordinates of Wing the Tai-Chi were viewed as lethargic and languid and

ineffectual and incompetent et al. It was no surprise that the turnover rate at the Realm of

Wangle and Finagle was the highest in The Farm. Many chose to leave rather than labor under

Wing the Tai-Chi. Some were lucky to have been able to be transferred to other areas in The

Farm. The second highest turnover was at the Realm of Minion Resource, but this was

fundamentally because the Heads of the Realm was always leaving once they realized that they

were not cut out to be in The Farm or get caught fiddling with the procedures of The Farm.

Sooner or later, Wing the Tai-Chi would have run out of people to point and subordinates

to impeach, and that day actually came relatively soon. The Members of the BORED had finally

realized that Wing the Tai-Chi had actually continued to dodge and skirt all these while, and had

recommended to the embarrassment of Ozlon the Obese and Jabba the Hut that when the

contract of Wing the Tai-Chi was up for renewal, it should not be continued. Anyway, this did not

really matter to Wing the Tai-Chi as the term that he had had at The Farm was actually a big

bonus already!

With the departure of Wing the Tai-Chi, did Sage the Holy propose the existing people of

The Farm to be considered for the post? Nay, he did not! And thus, it was left open for Ozlon

the Obese and Members of the BORED to again employ someone who had been

recommended by one of the Members of the BORED and an acquaintance of Ozlon the Obese!

And the cycle continued!

PART XV

Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker

Part XV

The Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker

The Farm as with all other farms would need to market its plants, crops and produce to

gain revenue and hopefully profits too. As was usual, all farms would publicize and broadcast all

its plants, crops and produce in the locality primarily and sometimes in other localities near and

far. The wholesalers, merchants and traders not only within the locality but also those beyond

the locality were also involved in publicizing and broadcasting The Farm’s plants, crops and

produce to the market. In fact, most of the cash were actually provided by The Farm since the

wholesalers, merchants and traders were actually required to standardize their premises, crests

and motifs to be similar to that of The Farm.

The Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker was assigned to administer these activities

and more besides. The Heads of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker over the years had changed

frequently. Indeed these changes were too frequent that the Realm had become an incubator

for people to move on elsewhere. Why these frequent changes? It was easy to understand! The

Realms of Composts and Dung and Jumble and Rumble believed that they had jurisdiction over

the Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker. The Hangers believed they had even greater

command whilst The Head of the Buffon also believed that he has the highest authority of all!

Now, the New Farmer also thought that the Realm was to do his bidding in everything and for all

sundry as well as for his personal needs too! The New Representative was also lording over the

Realm as though the Head was working 24-7 for him and him alone! No wonder the Heads of

the Realm changed every so often as this was the case of too many Chiefs and very few Red

Indians!

And so when the New Representative came, he had decreed that the current Head was

not to his expectations (that is to agree to his will) and needed to be changed. The current Head

was actually put there because nobody else wanted the position and being an engineer, he had

taken it upon himself to deliver his best albeit within the norms of The Farm and the Locality.

Apparently, the New Representative thought this was not good enough and had identified his

own candidate, Fay-Rid the Dough, who was in actuality was already over the hill. But, her

strength was that she would be ever ready to gratify and oblige the needs of Ozlon the Obese at

whatever cost usually to the detriment of the minions who were working for her, including that of

the previous head who by now had been demoted as her assistant. As in all cases like this, the

real and actual work would actually be carried-out by the assistant even the planning and

thinking parts as well as the execution part. The Head was merely feigning as though she was

the impetus and driver for all the initiatives.

Initially at the FART, the updates and notifications were being done by the Assistants

and the Heads were merely feigning and nodding whilst some were actually snoring. And when

the Senior Assistant Farmers complained, only then was the updates and notifications were

being done by the Heads themselves. Thus at the FART, she was really farting all the way and

when challenged had farted loudly, since she did not actually know what she was talking as she

had never discussed the updates and notifications with her assistant. Her assistant sometimes

had purposely inserted nonsensical items in between the updates and notifications which in all

cases would escape her attention as she would never take the trouble to verify the reports. As a

matter of fact, whilst she had farted the loudest of all, most of the Heads would also fart during

the FART and it had become a norm that Heads would always fart during the FART!

The Head of the Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker had enjoyed her post at The

Farm. She had been fortunate actually to have been given the opportunity of a second life.

When she was at her previous farm, she was already on the way to retirement when the offer by

Ozlon the Obese, apparently a good acquaintance, was given to her. She immediately jumped

at the offer. Apparently, she was also a very good acquaintance of the spouse of Sage the Holy,

The New Farmer. So, all had worked well in her favor.

She immediately began by acquiescing and conceding and consenting and complying to

all those desires and wishes of the Composters and Dungers, Jumblers and Rumblers,

Buffoons and Hangers, and most of all Sage the Holy and Ozlon the Obese. The people were

extremely happy with her as she would always do their biddings and not necessary those that

would benefit The Farm! And the Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker had become the

biggest spender of all at The Farm. The annual expenses of the Realm would surpass the

budget for the development of a new plant of crop or grain or produce! However, the commerce

and trade of The Farm did not actually improve as it was supposed to be with the intense and

overblown expenses by Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker.

As it turned-out the expenses actually spent for publicizing and broadcasting The Farm’s

plants, crops, grains and produce only constituted very minor portion of the whole expenses.

The rest were spent in publicizing and broadcasting the activities of Ozlon the Obese, Sage the

Holy and others deemed necessary by the Realms of Compost and Dung and Jumble and

Rumble, including of course the Hangers and Buffoons.

Because Ozlon the Obese were from the Locality’s offshoot that dealt with the regulatory

and pecuniary divisions, he was fond of inviting those regulators as well as those investors to

reveal and exhibit the status of The Farm under his administration, and those that were still not

meeting the expectations of the regulators and investors would be conveniently attributed to the

Previous Farm’s Management in particular the Previous Farmer, TQ-Am-ill. Those that had

brought positive values would be assigned to the New Administrators in particular, the New

Representative, Ozlon the Obese. Some mention would be given to Sage the Holy too since the

New Administrator had brought him in. And at these gatherings the Hangers would be ever so

busy fleeting here and there between the regulators and investors demonstrating as though they

were the ones who had made things happened! And the Buffoons were far behind. Expenses

were not spared and all these were planned and proposed by Fay-Rid the Dough. Every so

often, at the FART, Fay-Rid the Dough would present these plans and these were almost

immediately approved for implementation by Sage the Holy as more often than not, he would

also reap the benefit in whatever form.

Sage the Holy was very fond of divine and sacred related activities. He would put on his

most pious, virtuous and devout face and would front the activities so that his journey towards

making himself the Most Holy would be fulfilled if not in spirit but at least in manifestation. He

was ably assisted by Ewe the Nose and Hedge the Gee his two trusted and pious assistants

from his previous farm. So the charade of being sublime and hallowed was perpetuated and

continued by Sage the Holy and Ewe the Nose as well as Hedge the Gee. Any farmers who

failed to participate would be harasses and pestered by the Hangers and the Buffoons so much

so that they would attend these events even though they had no conviction and belief in the

charade. No expenses were spared too in these events. And Fay-Rid the Dough would be

happily planning and promoting these events whilst she did not turn up for any of these events

as she had the “Go out of Jail” excuse, “It’s that time of the month” even though she had already

been afflicted by menopause by this time!

Due to these two requirements, Ozlon the Obese with the regulators and investors and

Sage the Holy with the divine and sacred activities, Fay-Rid the Dough would take opportunity

to bring forth her agenda with both Ozlon and Sage agreeing to her proposals for immediate

implementation. She would employ pseudo-experts that would prepare complex programs and

initiatives related to publicizing and broadcasting that would eventually be endorsed for

implementation to her preferred implementer, Mac-Yes and Associates. So whatever the event,

whatever the focus, whatever the occasion, Mac-Yes would almost assured to be there reaping

the multi-million ringgit accounts. And yes, the Hangers and Buffoons would also be associating

with the Mac-Yes’ and could sometimes be confused as the Associates!

The Realm of Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker with the expert assistance of Mac-yes would

develop mini-episodes of The Farm building its Brand or mini-stories of The Farm’s journey in

developing the produce or mini-pamphlets of The Farm in action for the public and more for

Mac-Yes and associates! Also at the behest of Ozlon, choice tittle-tattles would be developed by

Mac-Yes and posted on the net and web including Nosy Parker or telltales about the previous

administration and it’s supposedly mismanagement. And because of these tittle-tattles and Nosy

Parker, many good people left the Realm and some of the vacancies were plugged by the

Hangers and the Buffoons who were happy to be there since they could become the alter-

associates for Mac-Yes and would be able to mingle with the media and glamorous types.

PART XVI

Realm of Concoction and Conception

Part XVI

The Realm of Concoction and Conception

The life-line of any farm would depend upon the plants, crops, grains and various

produce that the farm produce and continue to produce. As in any other commerce, there would

be multitudes and hordes of farms within the locality or outside of the locality, near and far. The

farms usually would trade and retail their various produce through networks of wholesalers,

merchants and traders and very rarely direct to the consumers or buyers. What differentiate one

farm from the other would be the way the produce were flogged to the consumers or buyers but

even more important would be how the various produce were perceived and distinguished by

the consumers and buyers. As in all cases, consumers and buyers were a fickle lot and they

deemed that they were always right.

Thus, it was left to the Realm of Concoction and Conception to contemplate, deliberate,

ponder, muse, mull over, reflect and think what types, variants, alterations, adaptations,

revisions, mutations and changes of plants, crops, grains and various permutations of produce

to be produced. The Farm had over the years invested heavily in ensuring that the plants, crops,

grains and various permutations of produce would have finesse and elegance as well as

meeting the farming intents and notions.

Thus, The Farm had sent the Conceptioners to various parts of the world to learn about

finesse and elegance. The Farm had also invested millions in machines that would be able to

visualize and form the intended finesse and elegance of the plants, crops, grains and various

permutations of produce. In fact The Farm had the most sophisticated and up-to-date machine

within the Locality. Many dignitaries not only within the Locality but from outside the Locality had

been invited to The Farm by the New Representative, who was also an agent of the Locality, to

unveil to all and sundry that the Locality’s capability, if not capacity, of conceptualizing future

plants, crops, grains and produce was comparable and equivalent to Other Farms. The New

Representative was in his element during these events and always forgot to give due accolade

to the Previous Farmer, TQ-Am-ill who with the Senior Assistant Farmer, Namaz-Lu-Ramak,

had envisioned and executed the transformation of the Conception!

TQ-Am-ill with the Senior Assistant Farmer had also concurrently transformed the

Concoction too since Conception would require Concoction to make ideas into reality. Similarly,

many dignitaries not only within the Locality but from outside the Locality had been invited to

The Farm by the New Representative, who was also an agent of the Locality, to unveil to all and

sundry that the Locality’s capability, if not capacity, of concocting future plants, crops, grains

and produce was comparable and equivalent to Other Farms. He also failed to give due

accolade to TQ-Am-ill and Namaz-Lu-Ramak for developing and progressing the Concoction to

competent and proficient levels almost as good as Other Farms.

In fact, the new crop and variants, the New Persimmon, Sago and Multi-Purpose-Grain

was developed during the tenure of the Previous Farmer and only come to fruition during the

tenure of the New Representative and New Farmer since the gestation period was long. Each

new crop and variant would require various permutations of conceptions before the concoction

could begin, and at each stage of the concoction, various validations and corroborations would

be required to determine the efficacy, merit and appeal of ach new crop or variant. Thus the

New Farmer and the New Representative were basking in the glory of the new crops even

though it was them that had developed them.

The Realm of Concoction and Conception during the tenure of the New Farmer was

helmed by Ahab the Clad since Namaz-Lu-Ramak was demoted to become the Senior

Assistant Farmer with limited access to funds and projects. Now, both Ozlon the Obese and

Sage the Holy were somewhat skeptical and hesitant about Ahab the Clad’s aptitude and

predisposition on developing new crops and subsequent variants. Thus, Sage the Holy had

assigned the Head of Compost and Dung to be the visionary of new crops development

purportedly since he was nearer to the wholesalers, merchants and traders and would have the

best vision and image of what should be developed. But in actuality, the Head of Compost and

Dung, Tsar-Day the Tan had never developed any plant or crop or grain personally! But, since

he was of the same ilk as Sage the Holy and was from the same farm, he was thrust into this

position. So, if Ahab the Clad had any visions or images of his own, they would not pass muster

unless they had been eyed by Tsar-Day the Tan, and so the Realm of Compost and Dung had

became the tail that wag the Realm of Concoction and Conception, the dog!

The Farm was lucky at this juncture because the New Persimmon, Sago and Multi-

Purpose Grain was well on their way to be concocted and Tsar-Day the Tan was merely jostling

along with the tide and sometimes ventured above the tide to portray as though he had all along

was the key developer. Ahab the Clad had no other recourse but to concoct the New

Persimmon, Sago and Multi-Purpose-Grain to reality. But, concocting three new crops would

actually be too much for one man and thus the New Persimmon was assigned to Tow-Nee

Chance and the New Sago to Namaz-Lu-Ramak whilst the New Multi-Purpose-Grain was

assigned to Ahab the Clad. Thus these new crops came to be delivered to the wholesalers,

merchants and traders as planned. And today these three new crops (Persimmon, Sago and

Multi-Purpose Grain) were amongst the top 5 crops in the locality!

As the Realm of Concoction and Conception was where the initial description of the new

or variant of the crops, grains and produce would be developed based upon what the Realms of

Compost and Dung and Jumble and Rumble had developed based from the feedback of

wholesalers, merchants and traders which may or may not be right since almost all of them

were really opportunists and had no compulsion to change their minds at the slightest prodding

or nudge. Thus, the Realms of Compost and Dung and Jumble and Rumble should be proficient

in analyzing the views and beliefs of the wholesalers, merchants and traders so that the Realm

of Concoction and Conception could then convert and transform those views and beliefs into

tangible invention and creation that eventually the buyers would procure and consume. And,

since the Realm of Concoction and Conception would be almost always be the first point of

contact with the numerous suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of

odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives, they are one of

the most important place of commercial and technological dealings, that would eventually

determine and conclude which of the suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and

purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives

would be successful! The Realm of Communal Conjectures however would be determining

which suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends,

scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives to be shortlisted and henceforth

would be in contact with the Realm of Concoction and Conception. Because of the nature of this

scheme and set-up, the Core and Creation Unit headed by Haze-Rain, whilst most would deem

to be somewhat trivial and inconsequential in matters of engineering and techniques,

nevertheless was very significant from the standpoint of the suppliers, vendors, providers,

agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements,

objects and even natives as the Unit would have the choice job of recommending which of these

suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps,

snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives they prefer.

The ubiquitous presence of the Head of Compost and Dung, Tsar-Day the Tan during

the selection of which suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds

and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives, to be proposed for

decision by the New Farmer, including the approval-paper-writer, from the Realm of Communal

Conjectures, was not seen as out of the ordinary. They were part of the SHIT, formed by the

New Farmer, Sage the Holy, to portray and illustrate the transparency of the decision making in

SHIT. Even Ahab the Clad, Head of Concoction and Conception could not put in his views even

sideways! Namaz-Lu-Ramak, Head of the Farm could not even be present since the SHIT more

often than not would be scheduled when he was not available. Thus, the favorites and

seemingly very capable Echelon #1 of Suppliers and Vendors the ever propitious Par-Mint-Tax,

Outgross, Pee-Hedge-Ann and A-Poly-Ma seemed to be able to invest and perform the major

elements and ingredients to create and realize the New Persimmon, Sago and Multi-Purpose

Grain! They, the ever propitious Par-Mint-Tax, Outgross, Pee-Hedge-Ann and A-Poly-Ma

seemed to have free-flowing resource and funds! What had transpired were that, The Farm

would actually be assisting and managing these ever propitious Par-Mint-Tax, Outgross, Pee-

Hedge-Ann and A-Poly-Ma by procuring their basic substances and sometimes providing

natives too! So at the end of the day, these ever propitious Par-Mint-Tax, Outgross, Pee-Hedge-

Ann and A-Poly-Ma did not actually invest anything but merely posing as capable Echelon # 1

Suppliers and Vendors. And, as usual, after a certain time, these ever propitious Par-Mint-Tax,

Outgross, Pee-Hedge-Ann and A-Poly-Ma would submit price increases and somehow or rather

would be approved by SHIT chaired by Sage the Holy and attended by Tsar-Day the Tan and

approval-paper-writer including Pallid the Grey and Ahab the Clad to complete the quorum!

The Realm of Concoction and Conception in effect had been utilized by SHIT and the

Head of SHIT, Sage the Holy as a vehicle to determine and appoint the ever propitious Par-

Mint-Tax, Outgross, Pee-Hedge-Ann and A-Poly-Ma including some others too!

PART XVII

Realms subjugated by the New Farmer: The

Realms of Attribute Exertion and Exotic

Exertion

Part XVII

The Realms subjugated by the New Farmer: The Realms of Attribute Exertion and Exotic

Exchange

There were other realms at The Farm that were seemingly minor but in actuality were

consuming major resources and funds besides the Realms of Compost and Dung, Jumble and

Rumble, Communal Conjectures, Wizard and Magician, Decree and Diktat, Minion Resource,

Wangle and Finagle, Tittle-Tattle and Nosy Parker, Concoction and Conception, and Farming.

These seemingly minor realms were the Realm of the Scanner, the Realm of the Mole, the

Realm of the Cipher and the Realm of the Hangers.

There were other Realms that were under the jurisdiction of the New Farmer because

Sage the Holy thought that he was better than most of the people at The Farm including the

current head and had the Realms report to him and thereby subjugating the realms to minor

role. These were the Realm of Exotic Exchange and the Realm Attribute Assertion.

It was incredulous that the New Representative, Ozlon the Obese had agreed and had

endorsed this scheme. It was beyond the understanding of the people of The Farm but not to

the New Farmer and his minions, particularly the Hangers. The Realm of Exotic Exchange and

the Realm of Attribute Exertion whilst seemingly reporting to Sage the Holy was actually

reporting to the Hangers and what mess it turned out to be! The Hangers by nature was adept

at dangling and draping and all too often lynching the unfortunate and poor soul who crossed

the path of Sage the Holy or Ozlon the Obese. Thus, some members of the Exotic Exchange

and Attribute Exertion had left not because of the work and pressure but because they can’t

stand the Hangers in particular Ray-Add the Man who would whisper menacing and perilous

words into the ears of Sage the Holy who in turn would immediately took ruthless and callous

actions without any inquiries at all! In the absence of Sage the Holy, which was very often, Ray-

Add the Man would behave as though he was the New Farmer. It would not be too bad if he

knew what he was doing but most of what he was deemed to be doing was actually culled from

the so-called farming experts that was hired more often than not at his instigation. It was

becoming incredulous that Sage the Holy would almost always believed and agreed Ray-Add

the Man’s suggestions and innuendoes. So, some people at The Farm thought Ray-Add the

Man looked and behaved just like Rasputin minus the facial growth!

Ray-Add the Man and the Hangers were really putting the screws on the people at

Exotic Exchange and Attribute Exertion so much so that the Heads left and a vacuum was

created since Ray-Add the Man and his minions could not actually do the chores and errands

that were effortlessly done by the Heads before. As the months slipped by the running of the

Realms of Attribute Exertion and Exotic Exchange became more and more dreadful and even

more appalling! Ozlon the Obese had bellowed to Sage the Holy that something must be done

otherwise the Members of the BORED and the main shareholders, the Locality would be

pleased and would only be too happy to rid Sage the Holy.

And Sage the Holy and Ray-Add the Man including Has-Not Been, Nee-Psalm the Din,

My-Shell the Crab, Tsar-Day the Tan, Sucker the Sap and surprisingly Ewe-Nose were

conferring the best means and methodologies to be undertaken to resolve the issues facing

Exotic Exchange and Attribute Exertion. Putting Ray-Add the Man in either position would be

out of the question as it would inevitably expose his as a fraud and a fake and very poor

imitation of an executive. No … no …!!! Recalling the Heads that had left would also be out of

the question since they would not return and be face-to-face with Ray-Add the Man who would

be beneath their wherewithal. So, they continued to scratch their heads and sometimes balls too

to find that elusive resolution that would make both Ozlon the Obese and the members of the

BORED happy.

The Realm of Attribute Exertion was responsible to assure that the existing and future

plants, crops, grains and other produce from The Farm would meet the Rules and Regulations

and more importantly Standards of the Locality or other Localities. Otherwise The Farm’s plants,

crops, grains and other produce would not be acceptable by the wholesalers, merchants and

traders and eventually the final buyers! The Realm of Attribute Exertion was also responsible to

ensure that suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends,

scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives would meet the Standards and

Rules and Regulations set forth by The Farm. In essence, the Realm of Attribute Exertion could

determine which of the potential collaborators i.e. wholesalers, merchants, traders, suppliers,

vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff,

implements, objects and even natives, would have the propitious destiny of cooperation with

The Farm. Even the Realms of Concoction and Conception and Communal Conjectures did not

have the veto on deciding who would be approved! The SHIT also could only nod their assents

when the Realm of Attribute Exertion had acquiesced! Consequently the Realm of Attribute

Exertion was where numerous mischief and misdeeds occurred. Sage the Holy and Ray-Add

the Man were there abetting the mischief and misdeeds! It was understandable that the Realm

of Attribute Exertion was where one would sit to have the final say in matters relating to the

appointments of wholesalers, merchants, traders, suppliers, vendors, providers, agents,

contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and

even natives as these would be commercially-oriented and a lot of opportunities to be

harnessed!

The Realm of Exotic Exchange was responsible to ensure assure that the existing and

future plants, crops, grains and other produce from The Farm would be able to be retailed

outside of the Locality since the Realm of Jumble and Rumble had been entrusted with retailing

within the Locality. The Farm’s plant, crops, grains and other produce could be viewed as

competitive not only in terms of their concepts and purpose but also in terms of costs. But due

to exorbitant levies and tariffs imposed by the Locality the prices of the plants, crops, grains and

other produce of The Farm was barely competitive compared to other similar plants, crops and

grains brought in from Other Farms from Other Localities. In fact the services, parts,

components and systems provided by suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and

purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives were

also levied and excised exorbitantly too so that The Farm’s plants, crops, and grains could not

compete when they were retailed and traded abroad. More so when these plants, crops and

grains more would also be imposed with The Other Localities’ own tariffs and levies! Whilst it

was difficult to develop and farm these plants, crops and grains; it was more difficult to retail

them in the Locality and extremely difficult to trade them abroad. For reasons only well known to

Ozlon the Obese and Sage the Holy, retailing abroad had become a priority. Ozlon the Obese

was obsessed that The Farm retail at least a third of its produce yearly, never mind the cost.

The Head of the Exotic Exchange had left because he knew that retailing a third of The Farms’

produce would put immense pressure on The Farm and had disagreed with the strategy put

forth by Ozlon the Obese and espoused by Sage the Holy. This was further strengthened by the

Reformation Document that put belief that The Farm’s Affluence Trail – FAT – would be abroad.

So, they forgot about the local retail and trade and obsessed with producing plants, crops and

grains that most people abroad would not be familiar and would hesitate to convert and switch

to.

Now, Ozlon the Obese and Members of the BORED had very low opinion of the

locality’s people as most of them were educated abroad and had taken the nuances and the

mores of these lands. Some of them even thought that they were not from the locality but

somehow had been there because they were a cut above the people of the locality. One of the

perks of being in the high echelon of The Farm was that they would be supplied with various

plants, crops and grains and some other related produce regularly so that they would be familiar

and could appreciate The Farms’ output. Always, they would criticize and whine and grumble

and nitpick that The Farm’s produce was somehow mediocre and poorer when compared to

those that came from abroad. Certainly there would be a difference! Those that came from

abroad were way much more expensive and somehow seemed better just because people say

so. The members of the BORED and Ozlon the Obese whlist being given that perks. Did not

actually partake them and comments made were not from their experience but from words of

mouths mostly from the competitors.

Sage the Holy and his favorite minion, Ray-Add the Man, stumbled upon this information

that Ozlon the Obese and Members of the BORED were very partial of anything that came from

abroad, anything at all! So, they hatched a scheme that these two Realms would best be

helmed by people that came from abroad. In fact Sage the Holy had proposed his candidate

and friend as the Head of Attribute Exertion and for the Head of Exotic Exchange, an

acquaintance of Ozlon the Obese. The remunerations and perks of these émigré was

formulated and developed within a short time-frame and proposed to the BORED Members who

had approved the scheme without much deliberation. They believed that what Ozlon the Obese

preferred would be what they would prefer too! Thus these two people from abroad came and

reported to The Farm and the people at The Farm were waiting with bated breaths and

expecting real changes for improvements in the Realms of Exotic Exchange and Attributes

Exertion.

The new Head of Attribute Exertion came and was immediately arrested by the Locality’s

Military, as apparently, he was a wanted man when he deserted the service and went abroad.

Whilst he thought that he would get away with the desertion after so many years, the Military

thought otherwise. Immediately there was a vacancy at the Realm of Attribute Exertion! Sage

the Holy should be mortified by this time as many people that he had brought in would

inadvertently had some issues and concerns and not what was painted to The Farm by him. It

was no different in the case of the Head of Attribute Exertion! The Farm was lucky that he did

not manage to report in and hence did not manage to do any damage to The Farm.

Before the Head of Exotic Exchange came in, the replacement for the Head of Attribute

Exertion was found. As it turned out, he came from the abroad and was very near the locality of

the Head of Exotic Exchange. As both of them came from abroad and very near each other, the

remunerations and perks of these émigrés were formulated and developed to be roughly similar

and were about five times more that what would be earned by the locals. As was usual, they

came and immediately present plans that would only be realized after a year at best. Thus, they

had the best times of their lives in these twelve months since all the work would be done by the

existing minions and whatever issues or shortcomings could be easily attributed to the previous

Heads who had left and who could not refute anything. Misery to the people who had continued

and hoping for better changes as the New Heads would only depend on them as they could not

make any difference as they would not know how. The culture was different, the locality was not

the same, and the expectations were much higher than they thought, the climate was not too

kind but the people were kind. So what choice would they have other than to bring in additional

people of the same ilk as them as otherwise they would not be able to deliver what they

planned. This was proposed to Sage the Holy and he had no choice but to agree, like the

Locality’s Proverb, “If one had to burrow in deep s*h*t with the fingers, might as well use the

whole arm!” And The Farm paid more money than was really necessary as inevitably the work

would be done by the locals and these people from abroad were merely window dressing!

So the Realm of Exotic Exchange continued to lose more money whilst trading more

plants, crops and grains to these exotic locations as a price to build The Farm’s reputation and

to imprint its myth in these locations whilst the locals were really subsidizing these consumers

abroad! It was certainly ironic because when the local people were suggesting the same, they

were deemed not to have The Farm’s vision and mission at heart, But when the people from

abroad was suggesting the same albeit on a larger scale whilst losing even more, they were

deemed to have the foresight and prescience of the future and right then investing for success!

And the Realm of Attribute exertion was really a copy of what the Realm of Exotic

Exchange was doing. The attributes were not getting any better significantly since the

wholesalers, merchants, traders, suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and

purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives could

not really comprehend what these people from abroad really desired as they were talking a

different language that what they had been brought up with. So, it was really a struggle for the

local people who cared about the plants, crops and grains and various others to meet the

attributes that at the retail end must be achieved. Did these people from abroad really cared?

So far no corroboration yet!

And with these two Reams, the expenses of The Farm ballooned by fifty percentage

points and the revenue had declined by seventy five percentage points. That was the value

brought by the people from abroad. All the effort and worth of The Farm carefully developed

over twenty five years had within a short span of time had dwindled thanks to Ozlon the Obese,

Sage the Holy and those people from abroad and the Hangers.

PART XVIII

The Minor Realms: Realm of the Scanner

and Realm of the Mole

Part XVIII

The Minor Realms: Realm of the Scanner and Realm of the Mole

These minor realms whilst seemingly inconsequential from the perspective of operation

of The Farm were actually very relevant and significant and not too be trivialized especially

when it came to matters related to the BORED, FART, SHIT, SPIT and FAT. These BORED,

FART, SHIT, SPIT and FAT are matters closely allied and allied and associated to Ozlon the

Obese and Sage the Holy.

Hence, the Heads of the Realm of the Scanner and the Realm of the Mole were there in

The Farm mainly to be the eyes and ears of the New Representative, Ozlon the Obese whilst

the Heads of the Realms of the Cipher and The Hangers were there to execute and implement

the wishes of Sage the Holy.

Ozlon the Obese by nature and by training and by profession was suspicious and

distrustful by nature. When he was the Farming Cooperative Chief Regulator, he had his Chief

Scanner and Chief Mole with him ready to scan and sniff out violators and infringers of the

canons and tenet of the localities. Thus when he was made the New Representative of The

Farm, he brought along the Scanner and the Mole as he was indeed suspicious of The Farm’s

people. So the Scanner and the Mole were installed as The Farm’s Head of the Realm of

Scanner and Realm of the Mole. As the saying goes, “It takes a crook to catch a crook”!

Perhaps, the New Representative was also by nature a thug and an outlaw and hence his

outlook that other people were similar as him! And it goes without saying that these Heads were

similar as him too!

The Heads of the Realms of the Scanner and the Mole actually had been discharged

from the Farming Cooperative Regulatory Institution and had been paid-off handsomely, similar

to the Head of the Wangle and Finagle, Wing the Tai-Chi! Therefore having a second life at The

Farm was a bonus and as they had been working for Ozlon the Obese before, they would

certainly continue to feel obliged to him and would in all circumstances be devoted to him and

would shield and defend him staunchly.

So the first order of business for the Head of the Scanner at The Farm was to burrow

and delve deep into The Farm with the express purpose and intent of revealing and divulging

improprieties supposedly happening rampantly at The Farm. So the Realms of Farming,

Communal Conjectures, Wangle and Finagle, Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble, Decree

and Diktat, Minion Resource, Concoction and Conception including the Exotic Exchange and

Attribute Exertion were indeed becoming hectic, frenzied, excited, confused, chaotic, harried,

agitated, stressed, hassled and beleaguered by the flurry of assaults, battering and mauling the

army of the Scanners. Predictably and unsurprisingly, the supposedly rampant improprieties

were just a ruse by Ozlon the Obese. He was misled, deceived and hoodwinked by Sage the

Holy with the impression that the Previous Farmer and his Team were breaching the trust given

by the Locality. No major improprieties were actually found and as in normal circumstances,

there were bound to be some minor errors and slip-ups. However, these molehills of minor

errors and slip-ups were being made into mountains of improprieties. The Head of the Scanner,

Not-High Tooth, was a master mountain creator and these molehills were no challenge at all.

And in no time all the Heads of these Realms, the Realms of Farming, Communal Conjectures,

Wangle and Finagle, Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble, Decree and Diktat, Minion

Resource, Concoction and Conception including the Exotic Exchange and Attribute Exertion

were replaced mainly with the cohorts of Sage the Holy and some allies of Ozlon the Obese.

These cohorts and allies now had The Farm in the palms of their hands or rather the palms of

Sage the Holy. All those improprieties supposedly done by the Team of The Previous Farmer

and which could not be substantiated, were now really being done by Sage the Holy openly

through the institutionalized process and procedures within FART and SHIT and even

documented into SPIT and FAT and surprisingly endorsed by the BORED Members chaired by

Ozlon the Obese.

Concurrently, the first order of business for the Head of the Mole at The Farm was to

assist the Head of the Scanner to actually burrow and delve deep into The Farm with the

express purpose and intent of proving that the revealing and divulging of the rampant

improprieties happening rampantly at The Farm were really true, the truth and absolute truth!

The Head of the Mole, Jam-Ail, was trained by PDRM (Patrol Deadly Regal Monitor) a well-

known outfit that could actually “beat the confession out of a polar bear that it was actually a

mouse”! This was widely reported and documented throughout the Lands and Localities and

until today no other Regal Monitors could lay claim to this feat. In fact PDRM had gone one step

better by beating the confession out of a mouse that it was a polar bear but sadly the mouse

was executed after the confession because it had attacked the PDRM!

Whilst Jam-Ail could beat the confession out of a rat, he could not beat anything out of

the people and Heads of the Realms of Farming, Communal Conjectures, Wangle and Finagle,

Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble, Decree and Diktat, Minion Resource, Concoction and

Conception including the Exotic Exchange and Attribute Exertion since there was nothing to

confess. So, Jam-Ail developed a document that required all the people and Heads of the

Realms of Farming, Communal Conjectures, Wangle and Finagle, Compost and Dung, Jumble

and Rumble, Decree and Diktat, Minion Resource, Concoction and Conception including the

Exotic Exchange and Attribute Exertion to declare their effects. Through this declaration he had

managed to wangle out mountains of alleged corroborations that would substantiate the

Scanners testimonies and proofs!

Costs were not spared as Ozlon the Obese and Sage the Holy had declared that they

would not leave any stone unturned, in fact if need be these stones would be broken and

crushed into dust! All manners of experts, moles, agents and officers were employed and The

Farm was full of these people. Some of them were from the locality and some were from

abroad. Most of them thought they could disguise themselves well but as everyone knows, if

one had not farmed, then one would not blend into the farm. SO these people stuck like a sore

thumb in The Farm. Everyone knows who they were. The Heads of the Scanner and the Mole

were busy managing these people and busy coordinating them into a tightly run unit. But since

their identities were known, the people of The Farm could conveniently ignore and dodge them

if they wanted to. However, true to their form, the people of the farm whilst becoming hectic,

frenzied, excited, confused, chaotic, harried, agitated, stressed, hassled and beleaguered by the

flurry of assaults, battering and mauling of the Scanners and Moles, had in fact cooperated to

the fullest since they had nothing to conceal.

Inevitably, the Heads of the Scanners and the Mole were in a quandary since they were

accessories and accomplices even collaborators towards all the improprieties that were

happening in the FART and SHIT and documented into SPIT and FAT and endorsed by the

BORED Members chaired by Ozlon the Obese. This was not a situation that was nice to be in!

PART XIX

The Minor Realm: Realm of the Cipher

Part XIX

The Minor Realm: Realm of the Cipher

All the information that The Farm produced on a real-time basis through all the

operations by way of the Realms of Farming, Communal Conjectures, Wangle and Finagle,

Compost and Dung, Jumble and Rumble, Decree and Diktat, Minion Resource, Concoction and

Conception, including the Exotic Exchange and Attribute Exertion in the form of symbols,

cryptograms and codes were supposedly to be managed by the Realm of the Cipher. The

suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps,

snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives as well as the wholesalers, merchants and

traders within or outside the locality through the related realms would produce immense amount

of symbols, cryptograms and codes that had to be managed, sorted, analyzed and condensed

into convenient and expedient packets for the realms to utilize and produce all the documents

related to BORED, FART, SHIT, SPIT and FAT as well many others.

The Realm of the Cipher was by nature very rapid and swift in transformation and

revolution not only of the devices and contraptions used but also that of the lingos and dialects.

Thus, it had become a challenge for the realm to convince The Farmer and The Representative

particularly the Previous Farmer as he believed that the horde of the ciphers were out to skin

anybody who used their services, devises and contraption as well as the lingo and dialects that

many would not really understand! Thus, convincing the Previous Farmer on the need to invest

in new devices and contraption including the necessary lingos and dialects was very strenuous

and grueling. And, not many had the energy and endurance to go through the intricate and

convoluted assessments! Thus in most instances, the investment of the Realm of the Cipher

would be somewhat truncated and would only be sufficient for The Farm’s intended initiatives

and not very much more.

In The Farm, there were two main cipher systems being adopted and implemented at

least within the fraternity of farming i.e. PAS (Plant Amalgamated System) and UMNO (Unified

Matter & Numeral Organizing). For many years, both PAS and UMNO had been utilized by The

Farm and thus far had been able to meet most of the needs of the development, farming and

retail. As in any systems, obviously there would be further opportunities for improvements.

Certainly PAS and UMNO were desirous of improvements in tandem with the growth of The

Farm. Now, when the New Farmer came into The Farm, the Previous Head of the Cipher who

was affiliated with the Previous Farmer, had no recourse but to leave and staying on would

create immense pressure on himself. The New Farmer, true to his form, had introduced his

friend and colleague, Micro-Change, as the Head of the Realm of Cipher. And did he last long?

Sure enough, true to prediction, he did not last long. As usual, the friends of Sage the Holy,

would always find ways and means to scheme and connive for their benefit and this was no

difference for Micro-Change. Anyway he was snared and could not wiggle himself out of the

situation. So he had no choice but to leave and Sage the Holy at one of the FART had

announced that Micro-Change was leaving to pursue further opportunities elsewhere! Never

once the truth was informed by Sage the Holy. These culprits actually were painted as though

they had bequeathed and bestowed The Farm with their expertise and had thus reached the

zenith and had no other choice but to look for further challenges elsewhere.

Anyway, when Micro-Change was at The Farm, he immediately proposed that PAS and

UMNO be changed to MCA (Minuscule Change Amendment) and PPP (Plant Program &

Progression). The MCA and PPP was previously the system developed by his previous

employer, Miniscule-Supple (MS) and had managed to penetrate the locality and doing brisk

business supplying not only the MCA and PPP but more so the process of adoption and

adaptation which had cost more than the initial cost of the MCA and PPP.

With the support of Sage the Holy and his colleagues the Fay-Rid the Man, Tsar-Day the

Tan, Sucker the Sap, My-Shell the Crab, Zee the Glam, Hedge the Gee, Wing the Tai –Chi,

Not-High Tooth and Jam-Ail, the MCA and PPP was approved to be adopted and to be

integrated with the PAS and UMNO. One can imagine the challenge and the amount of work to

integrate all these into a seamless and coordinated entity that would be able to cipher and

decipher all the various permutations of symbols, cryptograms and codes that had to be

managed, sorted, analyzed and condensed into convenient and expedient packets for the

realms to utilize and produce all the documents related to BORED, FART, SHIT, SPIT and FAT

as well many others! It was sheer madness. But since decision had been made and

commitments had been announced, the minions at the Cipher worked 24-7 and since they could

not realized the Vision and Mission of the Cipher, additional resource had to be employed and

who ease would be appointed? Of course the MS (Minuscule Supple)! SO MS made tons of

currency at the expense of The Farm. Rumor had it Micro-Change was also a prime beneficiary

of this arrangement and less than a year later it was found to be true!

When Micro-Change left, the programme was only part-way through, and The Farm, and

suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps,

snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives as well as the wholesalers, merchants and

traders were struggling to make sense of the whole thing. At the end, after all had been said and

done, the only logical solution was to let only PAS and UMNO to prosper with the right blend of

tweaks and tunings. So, The Farm spent a fortune for something that could have been done by

The Farm themselves without resorting to those people at MS (Minuscule Supple) and certainly

not Micro-Change!

Still Sage the Holy somehow or rather survived this fiasco and until today, there was no

real replacement for the Head of the Cipher since The farm had realized that it could plod along

nicely without any expensive Head of the Cipher but an interim one instead. Sage the holy still

could not believe that the remnants of the previous regime were well-skilled and knew what they

were doing.

PART XX

The Realm of Farming

Part XX

The Realm of Farming

Farming refers to the production of food and goods through farming and forestry.Farming was the key development that led to the rise of civilization with the husbandry ofdomesticated animals and plants i.e. crops creating food surpluses that enabled thedevelopment of more densely populated and stratified societies. Agriculture encompasses awide variety of specialties and techniques, including ways to expand the lands suitable for plantfarming by digging water-channels and other forms of irrigation. Farming of crops on arable landand the pastoral herding of livestock on rangeland remain at the foundation of agriculture. In thepast century there has been increasing concern to identify and quantify various forms ofagriculture. In the developed world the range usually extends between sustainable agriculturee.g. permaculture or organic agriculture and intensive farming e.g. industrial agriculture.

About one third of the world's workers were employed in farming. However, the relativesignificance of farming has dropped steadily since the beginning of industrialization, andrecently the services sector overtook farming as the economic sector employing the mostpeople worldwide. Despite the fact that farming employs over one-third of the world's population,agricultural production accounts for less than five percent of the gross world product i.e. anaggregate of all gross domestic products.

It was with this background that the Premier of the Locality decided to form The Farm.And despite protestations from all walks of life who believed that farming was not what theLocality should be dwelling in, The Farm was managed to be formed even with the challengesthrown at them. Many people believed that plants, crops and grains and other produce could notbe farmed and retailed at the price that the people within the Locality and outside the Localitywould be willing to pay. Apparently, many still believed that plants, crops, grains and otherproduce imported would be superior in features, attributes and characteristics than those farmedlocally.

What a challenge! Changing the mind sets of people who have been indoctrinated andconditioned for a long time would indeed be tough especially if they chose to close their eyesand mouths and ears. Persistence had certainly paid dividends to The Farm. For over twentyyears, the people of the Farm from the lowly farmhands to the white-collar farmers had toiled,slogged, labored and sweated blood and tears to be where they are today famous and well-known throughout the locality and beyond for producing sought-after plants, crops and grainsespecially the new persimmon, the new sago and the new multi-purpose grains.

The Farm had indeed moved a long way forward for the last twenty over years and haddeveloped along the way numerous suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors andpurveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives aswell as the wholesalers, merchants and traders that dealt with The Farm’ plants, crops, grainsand other produce. Many people had grown with The Farm and had experience the ups duringperiods of unmitigated success and downs during periods of sheer collapse but all wouldpersevere and continue to forge on and make The Farm an institution that the Locality wasproud to own.

The Farm was somewhat unfortunate, in particular during the launch of the oldpersimmon since most of the suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors

of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives were new to theconcept of development and validation. The launch of the old persimmon was affected not toomuch but enough to warrant the wrath of the consumers. Another launch somewhat close to thisperiod was the precursor of the new sago, the sawi, and, similarly, suppliers, vendors,providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps, snippets, stuff,implements, objects and even natives had not matured and had not begun to reflect upon thelessons learnt from the launch of the old persimmon, had impacted upon the buyers’ psyche.During these somewhat turbulent times, the Previous Farmer, TQ-Am-ill, was the ChiefAdministrator. He had been blamed for all the fiasco by the BORED whilst in actual fact some ofthe suppliers, vendors, providers, agents, contractors and purveyors of odds and ends, scraps,snippets, stuff, implements, objects and even natives were actually affiliated to some of theMembers of the BORED!.

At this juncture, TQ-AM-ill were very close to the Premier of the Locality. There was oneforay into industrial agriculture overseas, which was somewhat different than what The Farmwas familiar with, instigated by the Premier. And being a good administrator, TQ-AM-ill did whathe believed was the right thing, one to please the Premier, second to diversify the portfolio ofThe Farm for future sustainability, third to gain insights into industrial agriculture, and fourthly tointegrate farming and agriculture into a workable future strategic growth. The industrial farmingthat was looked at, EM-WEE-SEPTEMBA (EWS), whilst having the best plants and crops, hadnot managed to breakeven and required injections of assets and funds to turnaround and belucrative. Obviously this would not require time and as always investments must be nurtured forthem to bear fruits.

But the BORED Members were mostly bean-counters and had never farmed and couldnot understand the logic of the venture because they had been used to getting dividend withinmonths by purveying coins! Thus, the Members of the BORED had decided to remove thePrevious Old Farmer. But in order to do that, somebody must do it. The current BOREDMembers were not that keen to do it so had decided to appoint a New Representative of theBORED so that this could be implemented. And with that, Ozlon the Obese was appointed asthe New Representative and had the unenvious task of removing the Previous Farmer. Thisepisode would later hound him as he too was also removed later on!

Now, EWS as with any industrial agriculture would have debts, and in this particular

case quite substantial. But, EWS had in possession really sought-after crops and grains that it

had patented and the patents were quite valuable. Unfortunately, Ozlon the Obese, who was

once the Farming Co-operative Chief Regulator but who had never farmed, could not reconcile

the debts and the revenue of the EWS since he was unwilling to invest. So, with a keen eye and

a bloated gut, he had proposed that EWS be disposed for the princely sum of one coin, and the

Members of the BORED had praised his ingenuity for having found the solution so that The

Farm would get away from investing in EWS. Thus, Ozlon the Obese and the troupe of BORED

Members made the announcement of disposing EWS for one coin and TQ-Am-ill was

lambasted for having made the blunder to invest in EWS! Sage the Holy, the New Farmer

appointed by Ozlon the Obese, had also voiced out loudly that Ozlon had made the decision

with vivid imagination and ability. Today, the new owners of EWS had sold the patents for

millions of coins whilst also having the ability to continue to reap the benefits of industrial

agriculture! And The Farm totally lost the opportunity to diversify all thanks to Ozlon the Obese

and the BORED Members who had the wisdom to have decided to sell EWS for one coin. The

Farm could by now be farming some of the most sought after plants, crops and grains, but, alas,

this was not to be.

The junior farmers and farmhands were informed by Sage the Holy that EWS was not

really what The Farm need. However, The Farm had kept another venture which was somewhat

similar to EWS in another locality beyond the seas too. This was the Horde-Them, HT, which

had only one crop! This venture was kept simply because it was deemed important for The

Farm as apparently HT would have state-of-the-art farming technology and the like. But

everyone knows that the farming technology could only be applied to HT’s one crop only and

would need massive adaptation and modifications for other farms to utilize. Now why would The

Farm continue to keep HT whilst all along the one crop that HT produced could not keep HT

afloat and The Farm had to continue to assist HT not only in terms of minions and resource but

also hard coins! Why? Well, Ozlon the Obese was a very good friend of the Head of HT, MK,

Michael Kackson and somehow he was able to convince Ozlon and the BORED Members that

HT would be just the ingredient to assist The Farm to be successful beyond the seas. If this was

true it would not be so bad, but, what was true was that HT continued to burn The Farm’s coins

as though it was limitless! Sage the Holy in fact had allocated coins that were supposed to be

used to improve The Farm for HT and what had HT showed for that? Zilch, and what was

certain was that the coins went down the drain.

The Farm was for many years had been operated very lean and had managed to deliver

the returns that were expected from it. The Previous Farmer and his Team in fact had managed

to make more than a billion coins as well as to sow the seeds of the next generation of

persimmon, sago and multi-purpose grain. And when the New Representative and New Farmer

came in, The Farm lost a lot of coins mainly because to subsidize all the people over the seas

since they were not familiar with the plants, crops and grains produced by The Farm and the

Realm of Exotic Exchange had proposed and Ozlon the Obese and Sage the Holy had

approved the massive endowments all in the hope that one day the people over the seas would

be familiar enough with The Farm’s plants, crops and grains and thus would be able to gain the

benefits later! Was these benefits realized? Certainly not! And conveniently, the Heads of the

Attribute Exertion and Exotic Exchange blamed The Farm and the farmers that the plants, crops

and grains were not to the level expected by the people over the seas. Can the Heads of these

realms be believed? Well, these people from abroad had been at the locality employed by one

of the smaller farms and had not managed to fit in and had not managed to deliver what they

promised and had been asked to leave! When they left, conveniently The Farm had taken them

on board and had not checked their background. So what can The Farm expect?

Since The Farm under the watch of The New Representative and The New Farmer had

continued to lose coins and share of the retail, they must find somebody to blame because they

certainly could not blame themselves! Who and what could be convenient to apportion the

blame to? Easy enough, blame the remnant farmers and farmhands and declared that the

losses was mainly due to legacy issues and that these remnant farmers and farmhands were

not team players and could not picture the vision of Ozlon the Obese and could not carry-out the

mission of Sage the Holy! Thus a comprehensive picture was made with the paid assistance of

Farm and Farming Experts and the perception that the problems of The Farm even after Ozlon

the Obese and Sage the Holy had been the administrators and supervised by the BORED after

more than three years, were actually due to those remnant farmers and farmhands became

almost real. Many people almost believed since these were very often mentioned. Beacue of

these perceptions, four Senior Assistant Farmers and countless junior farmers, farmers and

farmhands had left. Some were asked to leave. Some were pressured to leave. Some left

because they could not stand the hypocrisy of both Ozlon the Obese and Sage the Holy. Those

that remain, the remnants, persevered and continued to farm at great personal discomfort and

risks, and had successfully farmed the new persimmon, the new sago and the new multi-

purpose grain without much aid from the new farmers and farmhands who always thought that it

would be beneath them to get their hands dirty by actually doing real farming!

With farmers like Ewe the Nose who thought that he was the ultimate if one was looking

for a farmer, how could The Farm move forward? The disposition of Ewe the Nose was exactly

like the ewe, full of hair, rotund and giving the impression of holiness. But, deep down, he was

not really holy since a holy man would always find the best in anybody whilst he was the

opposite. He would always found fault in anybody and everybody. Initiative instigated by the

Realm of Wizard and Magician would miraculously somehow landed in his lap as though he was

the one that had executed it and would hold on for as long as he had could and for as long as

the initiative would show progress and for as long as he had to do nothing! At the first sign of

delays or problems he would immediately abandon the initiative and passed it to some poor soul

who would later on be blamed by none other than him! Ewe the Nose was also putting his nose

in someone else’s business whilst his own business was never really being dealt with and had

never ever been completed, not even once. And as usual, he would relinquish those that he

would find to be of burden and entrust it to others. With this methodology, he would survive and

would seem to be delivering value to The Farm. Others such as Ray-Add the Man had learnt

Ewe the Nose’s technique and had adopted it and had made it into an art, the Art of Hanging

and has also prospered whilst actually doing nothing but giving the impression that he was ever

so busy strategizing this and that for The Farm but in reality all of that were sheer theatre and

drama. Whilst another, Tsar-Day the Tan, was adopting similar techniques as Ewe the Nose

and Ray-Add the Man since all of them came from the same smallish farm before and at that

farm they were really window dressers for other people that actually did the job of farming. Thus

Tsar-Day the Tan, were merely acting as though he was the expert retailer analyzer and the rest

was sheer performance. Still others, such as Zee the Glam, Hedge the Gee and Has-not Been,

had adapted the techniques to another level where others would execute whilst they

themselves, would prosper. These techniques of pseudo-farming were also being tuned to the

finest degree by the BORED and especially Ozlon the Obese and Sage the Holy.

There were many pseudo-farmers at The Farm. Many of these were brought in by Sage

the Holy mainly from the farm where he had been before. These pseudo-farmers were well

trained in the art of pseudo-farming as at the farm, the real farming were done by people from

the land of the slant eyes whilst they were at the forefront making-belief that they were the real

farmers. They had been so used being pseudo-farmers that they could be any other. Sage the

Holy was the most hard-core pseudo-farmer and was so adept at it that for most people it

looked as though he was a real farmer. He had learnt the right farming behavior and the highest

farming language so much so that even real farmers could not realize the difference. Ozlon the

Obese wanted to migrate from being an invigilator to pseudo-farmer but his disposition could not

make him one. Even so, he tried hard to be a pseudo-farmer and more often than not had

blundered and had looked like a farmhand instead! Sage was very happy indeed at these

blunders Ozlon the Obese since this would make him to be like a real farmer and would also

strengthen his position. Really at the core, Sage the Holy had designs to actually become a

Representative! In fact, this seed was sowed by Sage the Holy into the mind of the Head of the

Locality. And all the blunders by Ozlon the Obese had fortified his petition.

Anyway, stories and fables could not be continuously be yarned, because sooner or later

the real truth would surface and indeed it had. Both Ozlon the Obese and Sage the Holy had

ran out of fictions and parables about the remnants of farmers and farmhands. They, the

remnants of the farmers and farmhands were the ones who had had really created the new

persimmon, new sago and new multi-purpose grain and everybody knew about that. The sories

and fables could not carry any more credibility for both Ozlon the Obese or Sage the Holy. So,

one of them had to go. Somehow or rather, Ozlon the Obese was the one to go instead of Sage

the Holy! The Farm continued to be headed by a pseudo-farmer who had nothing else in mind

but to ensure his own benefits were taken care of. And the FART and SHIT continued to

become his vessels of prosperity. And his minions had also prospered.

End of Book I