recap- dallas divas and daughters- season 1, episode 7

Dallas Divas and Daughters, Season 1, Episode 7 RecapBy Merritt PattersonPark Cities People 2009

I've got good news and bad newsabout Dallas Divas and Daughters.The good news is- there's only oneepisode left. The bad news is- 1think 1just realized that- murderplots aside- Pamela looks like DarlieRoutier. 1 mean if Darlie hadn'tended up on death row where shewas torced to let her roots grow oufand use cheap moisturizer, she'd bePamela's twin today.

But Episode 7 begins in Laura'sbedroom where we discover thather single mother, Brenda, either A)hasn't consulted a decorator or, B)has a gothic decorator. The wallsare navy from floor to ceiling withan occasional floating white shelf.

Here's the deal: 1 think they weregoing for preppy yacht and endedup with emo dungeon.

Anyway, Brenda tells Laura she'sbeen working hard on the charityevent she's heading up and Lauramentions, "I was going to invite

ad." Who told you to inviteanyone, Laura?

Brenda tries to mask her sadnesswith best interest of the child andsays, "Sure and, um, he can bringLeslie if he wants to." My heartached for Brenda and suddenly Irealized- she must have selectedthe navy paint a few years agounder the influence of divorceinduced depression.

Brenda later tells viewers, "I alwaysfelt like Laura's dad and 1 would betogether forever. When someonesays they love you and then youfind out that obviously they don't,that's really hard."

Oh Brenda, 1 love you. Americaloves you. Every jilted woman inthe world loves you right now. Butsomehow 1 don't think that wouldturn your ex on like it does someguys because next thing we know,Stuart the ex is ringing the doorbelland my gay-dar is beeping at raoidpace.

At dinner, Laura asks her dad howLeslie is. 1 thought it had to be aman named Leslie but Stuart repliesin a super feminine tone, "She'sawwwesuuume." And 1 thoughthmmm, there's only one moreepisode after this one, and we'reclearly a long way from the partwhere everyone decides Stuartmust be gay. What a shame. For amillisecond 1 pondered a secondseason.

So Laura invited Stuart (and Leslie)to Brenda's charity event and thenexplains in a private interview thatthey're both her parents and it's nota big deal if they come to the sameparty.

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Laura, you're a big girl. And frankly,I'm starting to wonder if you'remanipulative or just stupid. Youneed to learn the differencebetween your divorced parentsshowing up at your school play andyou inviting your dad and hisgirlfriend to mom's big night.Next we find ourselves in Patty andJacky's apartment. It's obviousthat's where we are because theproducers keep throwing thosewords on the screen each week:Patty and Jacky's Apartment.But this time we see Jacky's decor.She's lounging on an extra widechaise sort of thing with a darkplaid blanket draped awkwardlyacross as if to cover gross stains.

So that's when I decided that if IHAD to choose between navydungeon walls or Jacky's place, I'dtake the emo room.

Patty tells Jacky she has to get ajob. When Jacky protests Pattysays, "I had to get a job at your

age and I'm fine, I'm pretty normaldon't you think?"

Patty, no, you're not fine. Need Iremind you that last week youposed naked for a picture onnational television and then gave itto your daughter? I don't knowPatty, I just feel like you l1eed tobolster this with a more compellingargument like, "Anna Nicole Smithworked and she turned out fine."

Here's how the rest went down.Jacky: None of my friends work.Patty: If you want a car, you needto get a job.Jacky: They didn't have to work fortheir cars so why do I?

Patty: Because you weren't bornwith a silver spoon in your mouth.

Then Patty tells America, "If yougive a 16 year old a car, you don'thave a brain. Why don't you justgrab your money and throw it inthe waste basket?" Patty, 3 things:

1. Your daughter is 18. You'velied about your own age forso long that you're lyingabout hers now too.

2. This whole car thing must bea sudden revelation becauselast week you led her on,allowing her to think youmight be giving her one forgraduation instead of a nudeportrait of yourself.

3. Isn't this show about Dallashigh society/rich ladies orwhatever? So, do you havethe money to buy her a caror not? I don't care one wayor the other but you're goingback and forth here betweentrying to make us thinkyou're a really wealthy

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apartment dweller oneminute and a super practical,hard working mom the next.Consistency. Please.

Cut to Cindy and Brenda, bothsingle, having lunch and discussingthe_prosoect of Brenda's exshowing up at her charity eventwith his girlfriend. Cindy saysBrenda can't arrive without a dateand persuades Brenda to try adating service. So they visit a nearlyshirtless blonde named Shelly atElite Personal Search where theyeach answer a series of questionsnecessary for their soul mates to belocked and loaded by Friday.

Shelly's first question: What bringsyou ladies in today? Shelly, this is a30 minute show, what's your nextquestion? And button your shirt.

But Brenda had already started thelong sad answer, "Well, I've beendivorced for 6 years and fell in lovea few years ago with a man 10years younger." Brenda, I'm getting

tired of the whining already, really.Stop and tell us what happenedwith the last guy. Did it haveanything to do with Laura? Oh wait,here's Laura yappin' it up now, "Iwould just rather her not date forawhile and get a new perspectiveon men so when she does startdating again, she can piCKawinner."

Laura, shut up. You suck the liferight out of me.

Nearly Shirtless Shelly continues,"What's your top 3 non-negotiables?" Brenda does this littleforlorn sing-song-y thing, "I lovedoing social things, I love thebeach. I want somebody fun."

Brenda for the love of God, say youwant a heterosexual! That's all youneed to say. Then smile, you'redragging us all down.

It's Cindy's turn to answer,"Absolute intelligence. Humor. Don'twant bald. Don't want overweight. I

cannot do fat men." Shelly didn'tbat an eye and puts together amixer for the ladies to meet someeligible bachelors.

Next up: Jacky is job hunting so sheheads right over to Rich Hippiewhere the owner, Mindi, tells her'Shewou-rctberesJJonst5i"e-Yol Igreeting customers and folding.Then Mindi asks one question,"What would your friends tell meabout how punctual you are?"

Jacky says, "I mean they'd be, like,'Jacky is fashionably late' but I'mworking on it."

Mindi should have shown her to thedoor but instead she chose toforever link her retail shop with adevastating reality program andsays, "Well, 1 like your style. I likeyour attitude. 1 like your smile. Andso I'm going to give it a shot. Willyou come to work for Rich Hippie?"

Jacky accepts. Of course she did,the fast food place had already told

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Dallas Divasand Daughters, Season 1, Episode7 RecapBy Merritt PattersonPark Cities People2009

her no and she can't walk toDenton for the fall semester atUNT.

Then we even got to see her usinga toilet scrubber.

me tell you this: Patty- completewith her apartment address andnude angel painting- has a betterchance of being embraced by Dallassociety than your Collin County,raspy voiced, parasolsportin',wannabe classlessa**.

Finally, we join Brendaat her bigNext, we're flies on the wall at the charity event. I must say, sheCrescent Hotel for the Brenda/Cindy looked totally stunning. But no onemixer. Cindy'sfirst impression of really noticed, becauseher ex didn'tthe scene went like this, "When I show and her friends were in thewal~dlnand~okagand~~ffie oornertra~~I~-'~P~atty~.~K~e-n-y-a~~~~T~h-e-n~P~a=tty~t~e1~ls-v~~-w-e-r-~~'~'I-d~o-n~t~~~~~-men, my first responsewas to turn starts it with, "I would say Patricia want to get into a pissing contestaround and leave." I concur, Cindy. is very special." Pamelatakes with her." Well, OK, really neither ofBy the way, how are you even gossip to an all-time new low, you fit in.supposed to decide on one of these "Special?Short bus special?"guys without any portfolio data?Rip. Off.

Brenda got stuck talking to a guynamed Luigi and later describes himas "the creepiest guy in the room."She even made a fairly elegantgagging gesture for viewers in anattempt to further demonstrate herpoint.

Thank goodnesswe don't missJacky's first day on the job. Insummary, Jacky says, "Seriously Ithought she was kidding when sheasked me to take out the trash."

But taking a huge swipe athandicappedchildren wasn'tenough. Pamelatells us, "I thinkthe gruesome twosome are verytacky and I don't think that they fitinto society in Dallasand that'sanother reason why Brendaand Idecided not to invite them to ourbirthday party. They just don't fitin."

Pamela,I cannot defend Patty'sdecision to wear the chiffon headwrap with a giant rhinestone broachabove her right ear tonight but let

Elsewhere at the charity event,Jacky tells the girls she got a job. Itwas kind of cute, she seemedalmost proud. Cut to Pamela,

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Later that week, Laura must havebeen bored in her lair because shedecided to take a road trip fromPlano to Rich Hippie to taunt Jacky.She tells Jacky, "I have to go to aparty tonight and I have no timeand I need an outfit."


"Jacky is a legend in her ownrnlnd." Cackle. Evil laugh. SuddenlyPamela looks more like Dr.Doofenshmirtz than Darlie Routier.

Seeing her mom without a date atthe charity event made Lauradecide it is finally time to let Brendadate. However, "I don't want themin my house."

Laura, if you're in a hurry, might Isuggest Stonebriar Mall? It is waycloser your house.

Previews of next week's finaleprovide a glimpse of Pamela aiminga double f-bird at someone.Pamela, as a general rule, if thenetwork has to blur your gestures,you're not high society.

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recap- dallas divas and daughters- season 1, episode 7

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