Raising Successful Raising Successful Children in an Children in an

Uncertain WorldUncertain World

Joe Ackerson, Ph.D.Joe Ackerson, Ph.D.Pediatric NeuropsychologistPediatric Neuropsychologist

(205) 324-8499(205) 324-8499

jackerson@ackersonandassociatejackerson@ackersonandassociates.coms.com

Formula for SuccessFormula for Success

• Know your childKnow your child• Instill purpose and prideInstill purpose and pride• Develop successful habitsDevelop successful habits• Establishing prioritiesEstablishing priorities• Discipline according to “Value Discipline according to “Value

Centered Parenting.”Centered Parenting.”

Understanding Context Understanding Context of Behavior of Behavior

• Environmental Environmental influences on influences on development is development is crucialcrucial

• Understanding Understanding the child means the child means understanding understanding the context the context

• Family, school, Family, school, friends, culture, friends, culture, & faith all bring & faith all bring something to the something to the table.table.

Early Brain DevelopmentEarly Brain Development

• Behavioral development reflects Behavioral development reflects interaction between neurology (brain) interaction between neurology (brain) and context (environment)and context (environment)

• Brain development is dependent upon Brain development is dependent upon genetics (nature) and experience genetics (nature) and experience (nurture)(nurture)

• The young brain has a great deal of The young brain has a great deal of plasticity and can recover and retrain plasticity and can recover and retrain over time, but is also highly vulnerable over time, but is also highly vulnerable during the early years.during the early years.

Brain developmentBrain development

• Growth of the Growth of the brain occurs from brain occurs from the inside out and the inside out and the bottom upthe bottom up

• You are born with You are born with 100 billion brain 100 billion brain cellscells

• There are 15,000 There are 15,000 synaptic synaptic connections for connections for each celleach cell

Neuron- the basic unit of Neuron- the basic unit of thoughtthought

Early Experiences are Early Experiences are CrucialCrucial

• By age 3, 80% of By age 3, 80% of synaptic synaptic connections are connections are already madealready made

• By the second By the second decade of life decade of life growth levels off growth levels off and pruning beginsand pruning begins

• Experiences Experiences influence the wiring influence the wiring of an child’s brainof an child’s brain

Nature vs. NurtureNature vs. Nurture

• During the first 10 years of life the During the first 10 years of life the brain is twice as active as that of an brain is twice as active as that of an adult’sadult’s

• 60% of nutrition is used by the brain 60% of nutrition is used by the brain during the first year of life. This during the first year of life. This decreases to 30% by age 3decreases to 30% by age 3

• Genetic and environmental factors have Genetic and environmental factors have a dynamic, qualitative interplay that can a dynamic, qualitative interplay that can not be reduced to a simple equationnot be reduced to a simple equation

9

Human Brain at Birth

6 Years Old

14 Years Old

PRUNINGPRUNING• Three critical phases of rapid brain growth Three critical phases of rapid brain growth

are quickly followed by a process in which are quickly followed by a process in which the brain the brain prunes and organizesprunes and organizes its neural its neural pathwayspathways

• LEARNING LEARNING is a process of creating and is a process of creating and strengthening frequently used synapses strengthening frequently used synapses (brain discards unused synapses)(brain discards unused synapses)

• Brain keeps only the most efficient and Brain keeps only the most efficient and “strong” synapses“strong” synapses

• Children/teens need to understand that Children/teens need to understand that they influence which synapses flourish and they influence which synapses flourish and which are pruned away when they choose which are pruned away when they choose how to spend their timehow to spend their time

TRAIN YOUR BRAINTRAIN YOUR BRAIN• ““USE IT OR LOSE IT”–USE IT OR LOSE IT”– Reading, Reading,

sports, music, video games, art, sports, music, video games, art, math, hanging out—whatever a math, hanging out—whatever a child/teen is doing—these are the child/teen is doing—these are the neural synapses that will be retainedneural synapses that will be retained

• How children/teens spend their time How children/teens spend their time is is CRUCIAL CRUCIAL to brain development to brain development since their activities guide the since their activities guide the structure of the brainstructure of the brain

Early Emotional Early Emotional ExperiencesExperiences

• Children thrive when Children thrive when they receive warm, they receive warm, responsive careresponsive care

• Early care has a Early care has a decisive, long lasting decisive, long lasting impact on how impact on how people develop, their people develop, their ability to learn, and ability to learn, and their capacity to their capacity to regulate their own regulate their own emotionsemotions

Purpose & PridePurpose & Pride

• The way that parents and caregivers relate to The way that parents and caregivers relate to children and the way they mediate their children and the way they mediate their contact with the environment directly affects contact with the environment directly affects the formation of neural pathways and the formation of neural pathways and consequently behaviorconsequently behavior

• Risky parent-child interactions may develop if Risky parent-child interactions may develop if the parent does not understand normal child the parent does not understand normal child developmentdevelopment

• Know your child, play to their strengths, Know your child, play to their strengths, address their weaknessesaddress their weaknesses

• Prepare rather than protectPrepare rather than protect

Purpose & PridePurpose & Pride

• Prepare by teaching effective strategies for Prepare by teaching effective strategies for being successful in their worldbeing successful in their world

• Their world is family, school, friends, Their world is family, school, friends, community, culture, faithcommunity, culture, faith

• Many cultural influences are vying for Many cultural influences are vying for control of your child’s mind, be sure you control of your child’s mind, be sure you matter the mostmatter the most

• Teach your values everyday in everywayTeach your values everyday in everyway• Give them opportunities to succeed AND Give them opportunities to succeed AND

failfail

Successful HabitsSuccessful Habits

• A habit is an overlearned behaviorA habit is an overlearned behavior• Overlearned means you have done it so Overlearned means you have done it so

many times (note LOTS of repetition), it many times (note LOTS of repetition), it becomes an “automatic” behaviorbecomes an “automatic” behavior

• What is behavior?What is behavior?– A means by which to interact with our world in A means by which to interact with our world in

order to achieve a desired goal.order to achieve a desired goal.

• Behaviors that are rewarded increase, Behaviors that are rewarded increase, those that are not, do not (unless those that are not, do not (unless biologically driven).biologically driven).

• Punishment can be a reward. Punishment can be a reward.

What is Behavioral What is Behavioral Management?Management?

• A structured way of teaching and A structured way of teaching and influencing behaviorinfluencing behavior

• Effective Behavioral Programs:Effective Behavioral Programs:– Understand the behaviorUnderstand the behavior– Predict the behaviorPredict the behavior– Affect the behavior by controlling Affect the behavior by controlling

contingenciescontingencies

• Discipline does not equal punishment, Discipline does not equal punishment, but does involve teaching and learning but does involve teaching and learning (disciple)(disciple)

DISCIPLINEDISCIPLINE

• From the Latin word "disciplinare," "to teach."

• Not the same as punishment.• Discipline, properly practiced, uses a

variety of methods, including models, rewards, and punishments that teach and reinforce desired behavior.

• Through discipline, children learn self-control, self-direction, competence, and a sense of belonging.

Why do children Why do children misbehave?misbehave?

• Lack of effective discipline• Socially or emotionally deprived (of attention)• Lacking sleep, food, or healthcare• Family resources are inadequate

– Divorce, separation, conflict– Alcohol or drug use– Parental depression

• Biologic factors such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and other impulse control disorders.

• Unidentified and untreated learning problems• Research indicates harsh disciplinary measures

may actually increase poor behavior.

Effective DisciplineEffective Discipline

• Requires 3 key elements– Healthy Environment characterized by

positive, supportive parent-child relationships

– Systematic teaching and strengthening of desired behaviors

– Reduction or elimination of undesired behaviors

Value Centered Value Centered ParentingParenting

• Appropriate expectations for each child, based on age and stage of development.

• Set reasonable limits in a consistent manner while allowing some choice among acceptable alternatives.

• Reduces harm by teaching what is safe and what isn’t.

• Teaches social and moral standards. • RESPECT for self and others.

Positive Reinforcement• Positive reinforcement focuses on desired behavior

rather than on undesired behavior. • Clearly identify appropriate behaviors and give frequent

feedback, rewarding good behavior quickly so that the child associates the "prize" with the wanted behavior.

• Rewards can be praise, a special activity, additional privileges, or material items.

• Many desirable behavioral patterns emerge as a part of the child's normal development. The role of parents is to notice these behaviors and provide positive attention to them.

• Some desirable behaviors are not part of a child's normal development and need to be modeled and taught by their parents.

• Parents need to identify those skills and behaviors they want their children to develop, then teach and strengthen those behaviors.

• Children who learn through positive reinforcement tend to internalize the newly learned behaviors.

Extinction

• Extinction is a type of discipline that seeks to prevent accidental positive reinforcement for negative behavior.

• Roughly equivalent to ignoring.• "Time-out" is one example of extinction training. • Involves removing attention and praise or placing the

child in a chair or some other place for a specified time with no adult interaction. The environment should be neutral, boring, and safe.

• Time-out works well for children from 18 months up to five or six years of age and is particularly useful for temper tantrums, yelling, whining, and other irritating behaviors.

• Time out should last for a specified time, usually one minute per year of life (to a maximum of five minutes).

• Consider putting yourself in Time Out (REALLY!)

PunishmentPunishment• Response Cost

– Withholding privileges or taking away desired items or activities. More appropriate for older children and adolescents. Easy to misuse and can backfire if the child is left with “nothing to lose.” Should never apply to essentials (meals, sleep, etc.).

• Verbal Punishment– Express disapproval by corrective feedback, scolding or yelling.

Overuse of scolding and yelling may cause anxiety and low self-esteem.

• Physical Punishment– Physical contact to cause pain. Ranges from light slapping of a hand

to severe beatings. – Over 90 percent of all families report having used spanking at some

time as a means of discipline. Despite this wide acceptance, research shows spanking is less effective than other negative consequences such as time-out or removal of privileges.

– May immediately stop a behavior, but effectiveness decreases with repeated use.

– Children who receive physical punishment as their primary discipline become angry adults.

– The use of spanking in older children is associated with higher rates of substance abuse and crime and has been linked to depression and poor educational performance.

Match the Method to the Match the Method to the ChildChild

• Infancy• Provide structure through daily routines.• Respond quickly to needs. • With mobility (crawling, walking) need to impose

just enough limitations and structure in order to create a safe environment in which the child can play and explore.

• Create a safe environment by removing or creating barriers to potential hazards.

• If a child does attempt to play with or approach something dangerous give a firm "No" and then remove the child from the area or by distract them child with an alternative activity.

Match the Method to the Match the Method to the ChildChild

• Toddlerhood• Similar to infants provide safe, structured,

nurturing environment. • Say "No“ and redirect behavior. • Toddlers start to develop their sense of

independence and begin to test the limits.• This is NECESSARY and DESIRED.• Be consistent in order to teach cause and

effect. • Time out may be introduced.

Match the Method to the Match the Method to the ChildChild

• Preschool• High need for rules• Develop simple, effective rules that

you can reinforce consistently• Very important that children

understand what is expected of them and how consequences are tied to behaviors.

Match the Method to the Match the Method to the ChildChild

•School Age• Increased sense of responsibility and self-

control. • Timeouts and consequences continue to be

effective. • Begin providing rationale for the rules and

teach the notion of a “social contract.”• Teach them to move past individual self-

centeredness toward a community of man.• Boundaries provide order and a sense of

security for children.• Learn to distinguish between feelings and Learn to distinguish between feelings and

behaviors.behaviors.

Principles of Behavioral Principles of Behavioral ManagementManagement

• IImmediacy of consequencesmmediacy of consequences• SSpecificity of consequencespecificity of consequences• CConsistency of consequencesonsistency of consequences• LLimit the rulesimit the rules• EEstablish incentives before punishmentsstablish incentives before punishments• AAnticipate and plan for misbehaviornticipate and plan for misbehavior• RReciprocity of family interactions (the eciprocity of family interactions (the

Golden Rule)Golden Rule)

Effective Effective Interventions Interventions

• PPay attentionay attention• IIncrease compliancencrease compliance• CCommand don’t pleadommand don’t plead• TTrain up what you want to seerain up what you want to see• UUnited frontnited front• RRespond to the positivesespond to the positives• EEstablish and implement consequencesstablish and implement consequences

DISCIPLINEDISCIPLINE

• DiscipleDisciple• Teaching, not limited to punishment, Teaching, not limited to punishment,

or even just consequencesor even just consequences• The means by which we pass our The means by which we pass our

values onto our childrenvalues onto our children• All parenting comes down to All parenting comes down to

teaching our children how to be teaching our children how to be effective in achieving their goalseffective in achieving their goals

Study Habits Study Habits

• Create good habits earlyCreate good habits early• Structure, routine, structure, Structure, routine, structure,

routine…routine…• Space mattersSpace matters

– Avoid noisy busy placesAvoid noisy busy places• Eliminate distractionsEliminate distractions

– Electronics of all sortsElectronics of all sorts– Reduce chatterReduce chatter

Develop transitions orbridges between key points.

Study Habits Study Habits

• Support, don’t hoverSupport, don’t hover• Start earlyStart early• Frequent reviewFrequent review• Avoid crammingAvoid cramming• ““Practice tests”Practice tests”• Help them learn to re-focus anxiety into Help them learn to re-focus anxiety into

energy by providing more energy by providing more encouragement than crticismencouragement than crticism

Develop transitions orbridges between key points.

Establish Priorities Establish Priorities

• Healthy Lifestyle- yes, it mattersHealthy Lifestyle- yes, it matters– NutritionNutrition– ExerciseExercise– SleepSleep

Develop transitions orbridges between key points.

Healthy Lifestyle- yes, it Healthy Lifestyle- yes, it mattersmatters

– NutritionNutrition•Balanced dietBalanced diet•Where and how you eat Where and how you eat •Eat “close to the earth” and avoid additivesEat “close to the earth” and avoid additives

– ExerciseExercise•Sunshine, fresh airSunshine, fresh air•Daily routineDaily routine•Competitive vs Recreational SportsCompetitive vs Recreational Sports

– SleepSleep•Promote good sleep hygienePromote good sleep hygiene

Consequences of Consequences of Insufficient SleepInsufficient Sleep

• Sleepiness (including micro-sleeps)Sleepiness (including micro-sleeps)• Tiredness (decreased motivation)Tiredness (decreased motivation)• Irritability and low-frustration toleranceIrritability and low-frustration tolerance• Difficulties with self-control of Difficulties with self-control of

attention,attention,emotion, and behavioremotion, and behavior

• Direct effects on learning and memory Direct effects on learning and memory consolidationconsolidation

Time ManagementTime Management

• The vanishing resourceThe vanishing resource• Make smart decisions guided by your Make smart decisions guided by your

VALUESVALUES• DO NOT OVERSCHEDULEDO NOT OVERSCHEDULE• Brains need “downtime” and unstructured Brains need “downtime” and unstructured

playplay• Put EVERYTHING on your calendar and Put EVERYTHING on your calendar and

teach your child to do the sameteach your child to do the same• Weekly calendar review for the entire Weekly calendar review for the entire

familyfamily

JournalJournal

• Try 1-2 weeks of writing a daily log of Try 1-2 weeks of writing a daily log of how you (and your family) spent your how you (and your family) spent your time time

• BE HONESTBE HONEST• Then ask yourself if 10 years from now Then ask yourself if 10 years from now

it really mattered who won American it really mattered who won American Idol (or pick your favorite sports Idol (or pick your favorite sports team), what Dr. House’s final diagnosis team), what Dr. House’s final diagnosis was, or how CSI solved the case.was, or how CSI solved the case.

Use Time WiselyUse Time Wisely• Unplug in order to connectUnplug in order to connect• Let your kids “catch you” snuggling, sharing Let your kids “catch you” snuggling, sharing

your dreams and fears, doing the crossword, your dreams and fears, doing the crossword, prayingpraying

• Schedule family reading time Schedule family reading time • Have a family budget and occasionally review Have a family budget and occasionally review

it with the kids (math, planning, priorities)it with the kids (math, planning, priorities)• Shop together (decision-making and math)Shop together (decision-making and math)• Cook together (reading and following Cook together (reading and following

directions, measurements, physics, chemistry)directions, measurements, physics, chemistry)• EAT TOGETHER (at a table, in your kitchen, EAT TOGETHER (at a table, in your kitchen,

with no electronics)with no electronics)

MORAL DEVELOPMENTMORAL DEVELOPMENT

• To appreciate consequences of one’s To appreciate consequences of one’s behavior, you have to have the ability to behavior, you have to have the ability to think through potential outcomes and think through potential outcomes and understand the impact of consequencesunderstand the impact of consequences

• Due to an immature prefrontal cortex, Due to an immature prefrontal cortex, youth are not skilled at doing thisyouth are not skilled at doing this

• Children do not take information, Children do not take information, organize it, and understand it in the organize it, and understand it in the same way that adults do—they have to same way that adults do—they have to learn how to do thislearn how to do this

MORAL DEVELOPMENTMORAL DEVELOPMENT

• With experience and maturity, youth are With experience and maturity, youth are increasingly able to temper their increasingly able to temper their instinctive ‘gut’ reaction with more instinctive ‘gut’ reaction with more rational, reasoned responses.rational, reasoned responses.

• They begin being able to “apply the They begin being able to “apply the brakes” to emotional responses. brakes” to emotional responses.

• During this time they need adult mentors During this time they need adult mentors and role-models who demonstrate how to and role-models who demonstrate how to make good decisions and how to control make good decisions and how to control emotionsemotions

You are #1 TeacherYou are #1 Teacher

• It is YOUR responsibility to teach It is YOUR responsibility to teach YOUR child, with the support of YOUR child, with the support of school, community, friends, etc.school, community, friends, etc.

• Actions speak louder than wordsActions speak louder than words• You are constantly teaching your You are constantly teaching your

child, even (or especially) when you child, even (or especially) when you are not thinking about itare not thinking about it

Parenting ImplicationsParenting Implications• Have clear expectations for behavior, and

work to implement appropriate and consistent consequences (KISS)

• Teach and MODEL emotional management & strategies for dealing with stressful situations

• Reinforce appropriate behavior

• Allow opportunities for assertive communication, which allows expression of one’s feelings, needs, and desires

ParentingParenting • If you want your child to know it, teach it.

• Teach life and social skills• Communication• Goal setting • Problem-solving • Stress management• Decision-making (including refusal skills)

• Teach your faith and values• Everyday crises, big and small are teaching moments• Talk WITH your child, everyday.

• “Learning from experience” may not take place until underlying brain structures are in place.

• Function as their #1 teacher: teach them what they need to know, don’t assume they get it, do assume they are always watching.

• Encourage healthy lifestyle, especially sleep and a manageable schedule.

• Look at risk taking and limit testing as necessary and normal; help your child/student find safe ways to experiment and explore.

SummarySummary

Just P.A.R.E.N.T.Just P.A.R.E.N.T.• PPromote activities that capitalize on the romote activities that capitalize on the

strengths of the developing brain and strengths of the developing brain and encourages personal responsibility.encourages personal responsibility.

• AAssist with appropriate challenges and support.ssist with appropriate challenges and support.• RReinforce desired behaviors and moral einforce desired behaviors and moral

development. development. • EEncourage lifestyle that promotes good brain ncourage lifestyle that promotes good brain

and personal development while avoiding too and personal development while avoiding too much risk.much risk.

• NNever lie to your child and do not underestimate ever lie to your child and do not underestimate the effects of the effects of your impact as a role model. your impact as a role model.

• TTolerate and allow the natural mistakes that are olerate and allow the natural mistakes that are required for learning. required for learning.

Raising confident, Raising confident, competent children is hard competent children is hard

work, but worth it.work, but worth it.