Problems With Marriage After an Affair - Should You Seek Marriage Counseling or Divorce?

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If your spouse has had an affair, clearly there are problems with your marriage. It may or may not have come to you as a surprise, but the emotional effects of discovering an affair are some of the most devastating that anyone can encounter. You may be thinking at this moment, “Should I seek marriage counseling or a divorce?”

More often than not, the discovery of infidelity is a surprise. And one of the more common reactions early on is for you to simply throw in the towel, pack up, and leave your spouse for good.

More often than not, the discovery of infidelity is a surprise. And one of the more common reactions early on is for you to simply throw in the towel, pack up, and leave your spouse for good.

Your marriage over the years most likely has had its ups and downs. But the thought of your marriage coming to an end often can be as much of a blow as learning about the affair in the first place; kind of like a one-two punch.

More often than not, the discovery of infidelity is a surprise. And one of the more common reactions early on is for you to simply throw in the towel, pack up, and leave your spouse for good.

Your marriage over the years most likely has had its ups and downs. But the thought of your marriage coming to an end often can be as much of a blow as learning about the affair in the first place; kind of like a one-two punch.

First off, if you are trying to decide in which direction you should go next, you need to know a couple of things. No marriage counselor can tell you whether you should get divorced or not. That is a decision that has to be made between you and your spouse. It is common for the spouse who was betrayed to want to move forward with divorce early on due to their pride being wounded. Perhaps this is even how you feel.

But divorce isn’t always the answer and is not something that should be entertained lightly. It may seem logical now, when your marriage has just been rocked by the affair, but you may come to regret not trying to work things out with your spouse later in life.

But divorce isn’t always the answer and is not something that should be entertained lightly. It may seem logical now, when your marriage has just been rocked by the affair, but you may come to regret not trying to work things out with your spouse later in life.

Should you decide to try and work on the problems with your marriage, you also will want to understand that just getting your marriage back to the point is was at before the incident will not do you much good either. That is where the current crisis developed in the first place.

But divorce isn’t always the answer and is not something that should be entertained lightly. It may seem logical now, when your marriage has just been rocked by the affair, but you may come to regret not trying to work things out with your spouse later in life.

Should you decide to try and work on the problems with your marriage, you also will want to understand that just getting your marriage back to the point is was at before the incident will not do you much good either. That is where the current crisis developed in the first place.

Whichever direction you decide to go, it is one of the most important you may ever make. Your decision comes down basically to answering three questions:

1. Is Your Spouse Willing to Work on Your Relationship?

If your cheating spouse is not willing to work with you to save your marriage, then your decision may end up being made for you. You will need to consider whether or not he or she has 100% ended the affair. Is your spouse remorseful and repentant for what they have done? Has he or she indicated to you that they indeed want to save the marriage?

2. Is Your Spouse Willing to Go to Counseling?

A lot of people are reluctant to go to a marriage counselor. They may fear being judged, feel humiliated by the idea, or just aren’t ready to put these details out there in the open, even with an objective counselor. This does not mean there is no hope for your marriage.

2. Is Your Spouse Willing to Go to Counseling?

A lot of people are reluctant to go to a marriage counselor. They may fear being judged, feel humiliated by the idea, or just aren’t ready to put these details out there in the open, even with an objective counselor. This does not mean there is no hope for your marriage.

You have to gauge whether or not your spouse will entertain some alternative to counseling, such as sitting down and going through relationship-building exercises, or working with you on some other suggested practices, including making a date/appointment to sit with you and talk openly.

3. Are YOU Willing to Go Through the Effort to Save Your Marriage?

You may be feeling vulnerable and wounded as a result of the actions of your cheating spouse, but that does not mean that they are in control of the outcome. They do not have all the power in your relationship. You are indeed a strong person and capable of making your own decision.

3. Are YOU Willing to Go Through the Effort to Save Your Marriage?

You may be feeling vulnerable and wounded as a result of the actions of your cheating spouse, but that does not mean that they are in control of the outcome. They do not have all the power in your relationship. You are indeed a strong person and capable of making your own decision.

Indeed, you have a tough road ahead of you. Dealing with negative thoughts and images regarding your spouse’s infidelity, openly discussing the details with him or her, and perhaps finding out more information than you already know. Are you indeed willing to go through that in an effort to ultimately save your marriage? That is a question that only you can answer.

Taylor Ranidae is passionate about love and relationships and writes articles focusing on helping people save their relationships and marriages. Her articles are a must read for anyone who is looking to either salvage or further enhance their relationship.

Dealing with problems with marriage after an affair is never easy and it is best to seek expert advice. To rebuild the trust, and save your marriage from divorce I strongly recommend for you to download this 7 Part Survive an Affair course from Dr. Frank ‐Gunzburg. Click here now for instant access.