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PoerioPress
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LinteracollezionedelletavoledellaPoerioPress,createtra
lafinedel2008elametadel2010.
Idisegnisonotu=operadegliar?s?dellaPoerioPress,ivi
compresoquelloispiratoallimmortaleAltan.
La riproduzione delle tavole e rigorosamente incoraggiata,
previoaccordoconlaPoerioPress.
Pievepelago,estate2010
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Thisisthefullcollec?onofthePoerioPresscartoonscreated
betweentheendof2008andmid2010.
Theartworkisen?relydonebyPoerioPressar?sts,included
oneconsis?nginadeliberateplagiariza?onoftheimmortalAltan.
Thereproduc?onofthesecartoonsisabsolutelyencouraged,
withtheagreementofPoerioPress.
Pievepelago,summer2010
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Epiphany
(6January2008)
Priest Johns saga is likely bepure fantasy, but the Father
Georg gossip may verywell
bebeaccurate.Atanyrate,it
isa fact that our two heroes
portrayedinthepicturenever
chasedaskirt,livealone,and
love garish and expensive
c lo th es . J us t t hi nk h ow
beauDful it would be be if
they both decided to come
outofthecloset,thusending
persecuDons against defacto
c o u p l e s ! A h , w h a t a
wonderfulepiphanyitwould
be.
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Italiansand
Racism
(20April
2009)T w o d a n c e r s
d i s c u s s t h e
perennial naDonal
i s su e : a r e w e
racists,too?
The one on the
leL deplores that
Italy is not takingp a r t i n a U N
C o n fe r e n c e o n
r a c i s m . H i s
c o m p a n i o n
replies: I should
t h in k s o, w it h
everybody busy
b o o i n g b l a c k
p l a y e r s i n
stadiums.
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PoerioPresson
Divorces
(6May2009)
Unfortunately,the
Supremo's
vicissitudeskeep
distracDngPoerio
Pressfromperformingits
missionof
ponderousand
equanimous
observer.
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PoerioPressborrows
fromGrosz
(31May2010)
A new form of saDre, or
r a th e r s a ty r e i n t h i s
p arD cu l ar c as e, b orrow s
from the immortal Grosz
and,tocelebratethespiritof
his Dme ,offers capDons in
g o t h i c r e n d e r e d Germanesqueesperanto.
The excuse, of course, is
provided by press reports
a cc or di ng t o w hi ch o ur
ea de r h as b ee n u si ng
m il it ar y p la ne s t o f er r y
platoonsofhisyoungfemale
guests to and from his 130
hectareSardinianXanadu.
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Altrochefes?cciolein
Sardegna
(2June2009)
AnelevaDngconversaDon
recordedbyPoerioPress.
The priest onthe leL remarks
thatBerlusconihasthehabitof
wearing high heels incognito.
Andthemonsignorreplies:My
God,thissurebeatsthestories
aboutwildparDesinSardinia.
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Intercep?ngthe
WorkingClass
(2June2009)
In his inimitable style, Fausto
BerDno`, former leader of the
radicalchicleLandformerdarling
of cultural circles and TV show,
recentlylamentedthattheleLis
n ot c ap ab le o f i nt er ce pD ng
workers any more. Poerio Press
suggests that he would profit
f ro m p ra cD ci ng o ut o f t he
M e d i t e r r a n e a n i s l a n d o f
ampedusa, where workers in
s ea rc h o f w or k a re b ei ng
interceptedby the boatloadsand
m er ci le ss y d ep or te d t o t henorthernshoresoffriendlyibya.
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LU?lizzatore
(18giugno2009)
Berlusconi's favouriteMP
a n d p e rs o na l l a wy e rclarified that if, and onlyif, he happened to makeuse of a hooker claimingtohavespentthenightinhis personal apartmentsc ou rt es y o f a c lo seassociate, this would notc o n s D t u t e a n ywrongdoing on his part,sincehewouldhavebeenamere"enduDlizer".
A slightly suspicious wifeasks a gentleman faintlyr e s e m b l i n gBurlesqueonis lawyer:Whatsthatredmarkon
yourneck?
Nothing, he answers IwasjustuDlizing.
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LesItaliens
24June2009)
Thosewhocannotbutfollowthesadstateofaffairsinthesepartsoftheworld willrecallthat thesocalled "odo Alfano" is a lawshieldingthefourhighestelected
officials in the country fromprosecuDon while in office. Onemightaddthatthecurrentprimeminister, who was not averse tot h i s p a r D c u l a r p i e c e o f
legislaDon, also tendsto beree le ct ed t o h is p os iD on w it hremarkableregularity.
In this parDcular instance, the
t wo Italian VIPs on the leLl a m e n t t h e c o n D n u i n gindiscreDons about their primem i ni s te r s s e n Dm e nt a l l i fe ,vowingtoputthingstorestsoonwithadequatelegislaDon.
T he other two react in ana m i ab l e a n d u n d er s ta n d in gfashion..
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Conversa?on
(2July2009)
In a quasimodernist se`ng, this
watercolour from one of Poerio
Presss celebrated arDsts displays a
dispirited couple carrying out a
pointless conversaDon. He recalls
fondly how safe and Dmely trains
were under fascism. In a sort of
languid agreement, she is quick topointout that this very fact proves
how preposterous it is to imagine
wearesinkingbackintoFascism.
Thereferenceistothelamentable
performanceoftherailwaysystem
intheyearofthelord2009.
ArtworkandtextcourtesyofPoerioPress.ReproducDonencouraged.
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TheWayOut
oftheCrisis
(24July2009)
The same experts
who led us into it
now say that the
financial/economic
crisishasreachedits
b o om , a nd t ha t
thereis no way but
up from now on.
e s p i t e t h i s ,m em be rs o f t hi s
p u b l i sh i n g h ou s e
remainskepDcaland
p la n to t ry a nd
a c c o m p l i s h t h e
climb by relying on
tradiDonal means
p i ck s, b o lt s a n d
ropes.
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FreedomofthePress
(27September2009)
Ifthe press payslile orno aenDon
toanaDonalprotestrallyindefenseof
the freedom of the press, there is
certainlynocausetoworry.Eitherthe
issueisgrosslyoverrated,orit'sfartoo
latetodoanythingaboutit.
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ProblemidelPaese
(28Se]embre2009)
M a s s i m o ' A le m a , s e l f appointed godfather of the
partythatsDllbelievestobethe
main opposiDon force in the
country, reiterated today his
s tr on g b el ie f t ha t a g re at
reformistmovementshouldnot
just devote itself to opposing
B e r l u s c o n i , b u t r a t h e r
endeavour to sort out the
c o u nt r y ' s p r o bl e m s . O n e
malicious Poerio Press reader
suggests that this is just one
moremegalomaniacployonhis
parttodrawaenDontooneof
the countrys great problems:
himself.
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Talibans1
(17October2009)
According to the ondon Times, Italian
troops in Afghanistan bought safety by
bribing the Talibans. Over here, word at
court is that Rupert Murdoch, owner of
that paper and fierce compeDtor of
Berlusconi'sovertheitalianTVmarket,is
simply aempDng to embarass his rival.
M ea nw hi le , B er lu sc on i i s t ry in g t o
undermine his own main domesDc rival,by predicDng that the stateowned and
governmentcontrolled public radio and
TV is so bad (meaning: inquisitve and
criDcal)thatItalianswillstoppaying their
subscripDons (read: less viewers; less
adverDsingmoneyforthepublicnetwork;
moreadverDsingmoneyforitscompeDtor
Berlusconiownedthreeandonlyprivatenetworks).
The first reader saysthatit appears that
the Italians paid off the Talibans. Her
companions replies: Hard to imagine
from people who do not even pay their
stateTVsubscripDons. 16
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Talibans2
(17October2009)
PoerioPressoffersavarianton
the Taliban bribes theme. It is
b a s ed o n B u r le s qu e o ni ' s
Freudianslip,aptlyunderlined
byoneofourreaders,whenhe
l a me n t e d i n p u bl i c h i s
e n o r m o u s p e r s o n a ld is bu rs em en ts t o p ay o ff
consultants and judges. Even
when it com es to b ribes,
prioritesare prioriDes. Foreign
readers taking interest in the
nuancesoftheItalianlanguage
w il l no Dc e t he " mi ca ", a
p r i ce l es s a n d u b iq u it o us
adverb which funcDons as an
oddnegaDvereinforcement.
17
gli americani
sospettano che
berluscon abbia
pagato i talibani.
figuriamoci. non
sono micagiudici.
poerio press 2009
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GaySocks
(22October2009)
One of Burlesqueoni'sTV channels airedon prime Dme a sneaky video of JudgeMesiano, revealing to all lawabidingciDzens that he wears turquoise socks.Some of the most acute commentatorslinkedthisnewsitemtothefactthatthes a m e j u d g e h a d c o n d e m n e dBurlesqueoni's firm to a fine of 750millioneurosforbribingtacDcsinwinningapublishinghousetakeoverdispute.Thetwo disDnguished MPs appearing in thisPoerio Press produced cartoon hold adignifieddiscussionovertheincident.Thefi rs t o ne re ma rks t hat t he co rr up t,pedophile,communistandcriminaljudgewears turquoise socks. His colleague,presumably from the same party, warnsthat one should not jump to unfairconclusions: wearing turquoise socksdoesnotautomaDcallyqualifyoneasgay.Thejoke,ifthereisone,isthatqualifyinga magistrate as corrupt, pedophile,
communistandcriminaldoesnotrequireanyburdenofproof.
Quelpedofilocorroocomunistadelgiudice
Misianoportacalzinicolorturchese.
Nonedeochedebbaesseregay.Andiamoci
pianoconleillazioni.
INPARAMENTOPoerioPressSeptember2009
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Rulings
(4November2009)
Yesterday'sEuropeanCourtofHuman
Right's ruling against crucifixes in
I t al i an c l as sr o om s c a us e d a n
immediateuproaronbothsidesofthe
Tiber. Two of Poerio Press's favourite
characters, probably idenDfiable as
MPsoftherulinggodfearingandlawnotsoabiding coaliDon,commenton
the preposterous pronouncement.
" Ho w fo ol is h " ,s ay s o ne o f t he
honourable member of parliament ;"
don't they know that students are
crowding inclassrooms just to admire
the crucifix?"(Recently, the current
M in ister of Edu caDon rul ed that
classrooms in elementary schoolsshouldhavenolessthan37students.
Yes:noless). aCorteEuropeaobieaaicrocifissinelleaule
italiane.
IgnoranD.Propriooracheglialunnisiaffollano
sempredipiuperammirarli.
INPARAMENTO
PoerioPressr2009
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Revela?ons
(8November2010)
A celebrated TV night show host andconfidant of powerful poliDcians, Mr.
Bruno Vespa, churns out at least a
bookayear.ThisDmeheleakedoutso
m a ny " r ev e la D on s " a h e a d o f
publicaDonthatinterestriskedwaning.
But the man had a phenomenal trick
uphissleeve,asusual.Thisonehasto
d o w it h t he e no rm ou s i nt er es t
as soc iaDon w ith tran se xu als h as
receivedof late inthis sad country of
ours.
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LostinDis?nc?on
(16November2009)
"Uolter"standsfor"WalterVeltroni,
theformermayorofRome,former
leaderofthecenterleLcoaliDonthat
wasfamouslydefeatedbyBerlusconi
atthelastnaDonalelecDon,former
secretaryoftheItalianemocraDc
Party,andformerpoliDcalhasbeen
sinceannouncinghewantsmoreofit.
Themoresuaveofthetwonewspaper
readers,bynowfrequentactorsonthe
PoerioPressstage,reportsthenews
that"Uolter"decidedtoforgetabout
engaginginthirdworldissuesandto
resumehispoliDcalfightinItaly.The
secondnewspaperreader,perfidious
asever,confessesnonchalantlyhisinabilitytograspthedifference
betweenthetwo.
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CrucialWeapons
(17December2009)
The generic enDty known as
"the press", as disDnguished
from the uniquely disDncDve
Poerio Press, reported that a
crucifixwasinthepossessionof
Mr. Berlusconi's aacker at the
moment of his onslaught. The
newsreachedallcornersofthe
globe, including the secluded
fo rt o f t he Fre nc h Fo re ig n
e gi o n w h ic h o c ca s io n a ll y
reports to Poerio Press. The
comment on the part of the
v er y w el l i nf or me d r ec ru it
responding to this news was
t ha t i n v iew o f th is t he
European Union was very welladvised, in a recent (and hotly
disputed) ruling of its Human
Rights Tribunal, towarn about
theuseofcrucifixesinpublic.
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EverybodyWinsin
Copenhagen
(20December2009)
Everybody won, reflects thedriver on a sunny Sundaymorning. The Chinese, forexample, managed not toh a ve t h e ir e m i s s i o nsmonitored against emissionstandards.His companiona gr ee s: " A nd t he o th er smanaged not to have ANYemissionstandards".
25
MAGISTRAECOMPROMESSOACOPENHAGEN
Hannovintotu`:Icinesihannosalvatolonoresconfiggendo
lideadegliamericanidicontrolliinternazionalisuilimiDdelle
emissionidigasserra.
Etu`glialtrisonoriusciDasconfiggerelideadiporredeilimiD
alleemissionidigasserra.configgerelideadiporredeilimiDaigas
serra.
Poerio
Press2009
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LarondadiNatale
(23December2009)
A tough one for the nonindigenous PoerioPress readership. The three Kings of Orient
havethelikesofthethreemainleadersofthe
ega Party: Calderoli, Bossi, and Maroni. The
egazealotsareallforGodandcountry(hence
the Italian flag with the cross in the middle),
but they also have this problem with non
indigenous people, parDcularly Africans and
gypsies. To protect their women from these
threateningbarbarians,"aega"managedto
authorize volunteer vigilante patrols. Only six
of themhave been formed so far, apparently,
but one of them is certainly this one in
Bethlehem,rightlyconcernedaboutthe many
suspicious foreigners congregated in town
anddeterminedtoteachthemagoodlesson.
Presentscanwait.
See:hp://
poeriopressatchristmas.blogspot.com/
Andbytheway:MerryChristmas!!!! 26
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FortyYearsandCoun?ng
(27December2009)
I due sposini si domandano
p e r c h e m a i , d o p o
quarantannidimatrimonio,rimediano solo la pagina del
giornaleconIcartonianimaD.
Macomemaiepossibileche
accada contemporaneamente
atu`edue?
al movimento delle labbra,
purtroppo, non si capisce
qualedeiduesilamenD.
FortyyearsandcounDng,andIonlygetthefunnies.
PoerioPress2009
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BarelyintotheNew
Year,PoerioPress
RespecullySuggests
(1January2010)
Infact,theSonofGod'sideato
incarnatehimselfintoaregular
humanbeingmighthavebeen
c on ce iv ed a s a d id ac Dc
admonishment to the romane m p e r o r s ' p r e p o s te r o u s
p r e t e n s e o f e l e v a D n g
themselves to godlike status.
G iv en t ha t o ne o f G od 's
recognizedqualiDesistoknow
the future, it is legiDmate to
i m a g i n e h e m a y h a v e
expressed some skepDcism at
t h e s u c c e s s o f t h einiDaDve.Nevertheless, we
plodon.HappyNewYear!!!!
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PierluigiaePierferdinando
(16January2010)
ALer the holiday goodism, PP reverts toits usual, nasty, parochial self. In ap re car io us b al an ce o n t he l an ce o fMinerva,theRomangoddessofwisdom,Pierlugi Bersani, newly elected head ofthe ever shakier emocraDc Party andperfidiously portrayed as a disciplinedlile daughter, asks her putaDve father/svengali Massimo 'Alema, ever theeminencegrise,whysheisnotallowedtoplay with Nicky (Nicky Vendola, thepopular governor of the Puglia region
seeking reelecDon). The former risingstar of the defunct communist Partyreplies: "It's not about the earing hewears.Thefactisthathe'sacommunist.Besides,ifweinvitehimtoplaywithyou,Pierferdinando, who is an excel lentp ro sp ec t, w il l s to p c om in g t o t hehouse." (Pierferdinando Casini, formerr is in g s tar o f t he d ef un ct C hr is Da ndemocrat party, is building a poliDcalp o we r ho u se b y p u `n g t o ge t he r
redoubtable veterans of his old poliDcalformaDon and selling his services to thetwomaincoaliDons).Foronce,thepunisItalian: "party" means both party in thepoliDcal sense and a marriage prospect.Pierferdinando is neither, although hiswifeis,since her daddyowns one ofthetwomainRomenewspapers.
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O]omilionidibaione]e
(16January2010)
Stop Poerio Press: we wish to make
ame nd s to Pie rl ui gi Persani , the
embaledleaderofItaly'semocraDc
Partywhohasmanyproblems,notall
ofwhichofhisownmakingandwhois
also the frequent object of our idle
saDre. So: we just learnt that on the
occasion of a visit of the CalabriaSaudita town of Rosarno, where ugly
confontaDons took place betweenthe
local populace and enslaved African
orange pickers, Bersani announced
that the country's 4 million migrants
areprobably not sufficient: Italy;s
economy probably needs four million
m o re . T h is p o li Dc a ll y s u ic i da l
s tate me nt req ui re s a g es tu re ofsympathy: regardless, Bersani's eight
million figure sounds beer than
Mussolini's sinister eight mill ion
bayonets.
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Pagamen?
(20January20010)
"Il tempo e' galantuomo"; Dme is a
gentleman, says an old Italian proverb. It
seemstohaveworkedwellforMr.Be`no
Craxi, who fled the country before being
served a tenyear prison sentence for
corrupDonandillicitfinancinganddiedin
Tunisiain2000.Exactlytenyearslater,the
President of the Republic sent and
divulged a leer to the family, which
maintains that he should not only be
judged for his (penal) convicDons and
suggeststhatCraxiwasthescapegoatfora
whole poliDcal class, equally guilty of
briberyandcorrupDon,andactually"paid
for everybody". ALer being informed of
thisdevelopment,theroosterontheright,
who seems to remember somethingabout those events, objects: "Funny. I
thoughthewastheonebeingpaid".From
thePoerioPress"escoqParlantes"series,
courtesyofeRutapoeries.
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PierluigiaeTonino
(29January2010)Thingsarege`ngevermorearcaneforthePoerioPressnon
indigenousreadership.However,themostaenDvesubscribers
acrosstheoceanwillrecallthebeginningofthisparDcularsaga,
withthefather'Alemadissuading hisaffecDonate andwell
be ha ve d da ughte r, P i erl uigi a, from pl ayi ng w i th t he
transgressive Nichi, and announcing instead her future
marriagewiththegallantandwellbredPierferdinando.Outof
metaphor,'Alemaistherumouredplaymakerbehindthenew
secretary of the democraDc party, Pierluigi Bersani, who
imposedonhispartythebrilliantstrategyofselecDngaloser
forthe upcomingPugliagovernorshipelecDonsin lieuof the
highl y popul ar i nc um be nt , N ic hi Ve dola , w ho has fi ve
characterisDcs:heisacatholic,adeclaredgay,anunashamed
communist ,an excellent administrator anddoesnot givea
hootabout partydiscipline.The firstthingis OK,and in fact
highlypraised;thesecondoneisbad,buthardlyobjecDonable
within aparty that aspiresto capturethe gayvote; thelast
t hre e , t ota l a nat hem a .S ubs e que nt l y, N i chi c al l ed t he
emocrats' bluffand demandsthatthe candidate bepicked
according to the party's most cherished imitaDon of the
American poliDcal process: primary elecDons. And he wins
them handsomely. Of course, Pierferdinando's neocatholic
party refus es a n a ll ia nc e w it h s uc h a n obje cDonable
character.In comes Tonino di Pietro, the most fearsome
compeDtoroftheemocraDcpartybecauseofhisreputaDon
forhisfierceopposiDontoBurlesqueoni(mostdemocratsfindsuchan opposiDon objecDonable, mainly because theythink
theyshouldhaveamonopolyinthisarea).Uptonow,hewas
beingheldatsafedistance.Butnow,theconfusionissuchaLer
the Nichi tsunami that Bersani rushed to signing a formal
alliance pact with the aforesaid Tonino i Pietro.Our gentle
metaphor calls, therefore, for Pierluigia (see capDon) gently
complainingwithherfatherabouthisopposiDontoNichi,who
hasjustbeenelectedheadofhisclass;and'Alematryingto
pacifyhispaDentdaughterPierluigiabyannouncingherfuture
heartfriend:Tonino.
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MafiaandSoccer
(30January2010)
Oneofourtwosomber
impersonatorscomment
on a recent news item:
Italy's AssociaDon of
I n d u s t r i a l i s t s
announced that from
n o w o n , a l l
entrepreneurs who payextorDon money to the
mafia will be expelled.
T h e o t h e r o n e
comments: and for the
e n t r ep r e n eu r s w h o
p oc ke t the e xtorDon
m o ne y, a t l e a s t a
warning.
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Bamboccioni
(3February2010)
Ona recent visit, a dearest friendand longDmesupporterofPoerioPress,RobertoT.,eruptedina
goodhearted laugh at the narraDon of a new
vigneebeinghatchedattheDme.Thisprovided
thesDmulusforitsrendiDonincartoonform.Non
indigenousreadersarenodoubtfamiliarwiththe
uniquely Italian sonstayat home phenomenon.
These youths, whose age can extend to 45 or
beyond and who, in our opinion, act in a
perfectly logical fashion in viewof mama's food,
other logisDcal advantages and the astronomicalcostsofrentalhousinghavebeenbapDzedwith
theendearing,althoughvaguelyderogatory,term
of "bamboccioni". The bamboccione depicted in
the cartoon is the mythical Alberto Sordi, who
acquired immortal fame w ith his film " Un
A mericano a Roma" .A lbertobamboccione,
devouring a bowl ofpasta late atnight upon his
return from one of his usual and meaningless
nightly prowls, announces to his mother that a
minister, Brunea ("minimistro" being short for"miniministro given Brunea's diminuDve size),
hasproposedamonthlysDpendof500eurosfor
all bamboccionis leaving their nest. The mother,
pracDcalasalways,informshimthattheresources
for the sDpend are to come from the naDonal
pensionfundthusensuringthattherewillbeno
morespaghe`freeloadingforhim. 34
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Ilpapastraniero
17April2010
Gianfranco Fini, former chief of
I taly's p os asc is t p arty and
currently majority leader of the
ChamberofepuDes,hasshown
surprisingly liberal views of late,
t o ge th e r w it h a g ro wi n gl y
m a n i f e s t d i s t a s t e f o r
Burlesqueoni and his current
bestfrendBossolini,supremoof
thetriumphantNortherneague
xenophobic party. A few
desperate supporters of the
centerleLlookatFiniastheonly
salvaDon for what's leL of the
leL in the guise of the "foreign
p op e" th at coul d b ri ng n ew
authority and leadership. Butthe wise boyinthe photograph
objects: No way. They'll never
considerhim:Finiistoomuchof
aleList.
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HealthCare
(21April2010)
CapirecosasiasuccessoveramenteconilpassaggionegliStaDUniDdelP..111148(ThePaDentProtecDonandAffordableCareAct)e'impresaDtanica.Parepero',danotegiornalisDche,chel'allargamentodell'accessoall'assicurazionesanitarianonscaera'primadel2014.Perscaramanzia,edinpienacoerenzaconilsuoinguaribilesce`cismo,PoerioPressmeeinboccaaquesteinnocenDemeravigliosegiovanicreatureparolediscanzonatohumour
nero.
U n d e r st a n d i n g w h a t a c t u a l l yhappened with the passage in theUnited States of P.. 111148 (ThePaDentProtecDonandAffordableCareAct) is probably a Dtanic task. Pressr e po r ts , h o we v er, i n di c at e t h atbroaderaccesstohealthinsurancewillnotactuallytakeplacebefore2014.Ina gesture of countersupersDDon, andcoherently w ith its inexhausDble
skepDcism, Poerio press put in them ou th s o f t he se t wo i nn oc en t,wonderful young creatures words ofunrestrainedblackhumour.
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Emergency
(21April2010)
Il.ahem.governoafganoha
decisodichiuderelospedaledi
Emergencycheoffrecure
gratuiteallevi`medella
guerra.
Noncedapreoccuparsi.Tu`I
pazienDsonostaDavvisaDche
possonosooscrivereuna
polizzadiassicurazionemedica
privata.
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ErTrota
(28April2010)
ThislastpoetartopusofPoerioPressishardlycommunicabletothevastworld.ItisItisthetaleofRenzoBossi,egregioussonofthefamousUmbertoBossiwhosepoliDcalfootstepshedecidedtofollow.ThestorygoesthatdaddyUmberto,aLersomeonereferredtohissonasthe"delfino"("dolphin"inenglish=designatedheirtoapoliDcaldynasty),modestlycommentedthatatthemostyoungRenzocouldbereferredtoas"unatrota"(=atrout).Renzo'staleisimaginedasaselfpresentaDonpennedinRomedialect,tospitethecorruptandthievingnaDonalcapital,symbolofcorrupDonandparasiDsmandsynecdocheofthehorridSouthasawhole.Renzodoesnotmincewords:herevealsthat
theonlytwothingshedislikesaregaysanddrugs(heactallysaidthat),andthatnothavingaclueonwhattodowithhislifehechosetofollowhisfather'sfootstepsintheega,thexenophobic/secessionist"movementfortheindependenceofPadania".Weare,infact,confidentthatboththeegaandRenzowilldelightusfordecadestocome.WethanktwoaffecDonatereaders,ElisabeaS.edEugenioM.,fortheirsuperlaDveediDngoftheRomantextandtheiraccompanyingcommentinrhyme,whichweaddedasaproperappendixtothisPoerioPressissue:
Anvedim! Puro licispadani
s'empareno aparlcomei ro man i!
S i pro pio e r pe lo vo i tr ov n el l' ovo
un eroreoar igaseitescovo:
siprop io voi parltrasteverino
d evi d a di c hi amav en o er d er fin o.
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KosovosentryintheEU
(29April2010)
Whilethefinancialworldhappilybets
onthedemiseoftheEuro,andwith
theEuropeanUniongivingonemore
exampleofdisarrayandindeciveness,
theItalianforeignministerisstrongly
engagedintheirresisDblemarchwhich
willleadtoKosovo'sentryintheEU.
Whichevent,nodoubt,willsignala
rebirthofthetroubledEuropean
edifice.
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BurlesqueoniSavesLouisiana
fromBlackWave
(30April2010)
Asmanyofourreaderssadlyknow,the
Burlesqueoni navy has disDnguished
itselfinwagingvictoriouswarsagainst
African migrants' fleets of inflatable
boats threatening to land on our
shores. Concerned about the black
wave nearing theouisianacoast,our
leaderhaspromptlyofferedObamato
d ra L f or h i m t h e n e c e s s a r y
empoweringlegislaDon.
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Ilpapastraniero
17April2010
ma se fini abbandonaberlusconi, potrebbediventare proprio lui
il papa straniero
del pd!!!!!
e figuratise il pdimbarca
uno di
sinistra
come fini.
il a a a i
poerio press 2010
Gianfranco Fini, former chief of
I ta l y' s p os a sc is t p a rt y a nd
currently majority leader of the
Chamber of epuDes, has shown
surprisingly liberal views of late,
togetherwithagrowingly manifest
distaste for Burlesqueoni and his
c u rr en t b e st f re nd B o ss ol i ni ,s u pr e mo o f t h e t r iu m ph a nt
Northern eague xenophobic party.
A few desperate supporters of the
centerleL look at Fini as the only
salvaDonforwhat'sleLoftheleLin
theguiseofthe"foreignpope"that
c ou ld b ri ng n ew authori ty and
leadership.Butthewiseboyinthe
photographobjects:Noway.They'll
neverconsiderhim:Finiistoomuch
ofaleList.
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BurlesqueoniSaves
LouisianaformBlackWave
(30April2010)
As many of our readers sadly
know,theBurlesqueoninavyhas
disDnguished itself in waging
victorious wars against African
migrants' fleets of inflatable
boatsthreateningtolandonour
shores. Concerned about the
blackwavenearingtheouisiana
coast, our leader has promptly
offered Obama to draL for him
t h e n e ce s sa r y e m p ow e ri n g
legislaDon.
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PoerioPressCounterfeits
Altan(ButfortheBenefit
ofMankind)
(6May2010)
PoerioPresssharestheviewthatFrancescoTullioAltanisthebestgraphichumoristthissideoftheAlps,andpossiblynorthofthemaswell.Sowetookthelibertyofborrowinghis style to create a cartoon about Mr.Scajola, the former minister for economicdevelopment who was forced to resigna Le r m ag is tra te s f ou nd o ut t hat ad e ve l op e r a l re a dy i n cr i mi n at e d a n ddetained for serious bribing scandals hadpitchedintherespectablesumof900,000Euros to help him buy his dream Romeapartment in front of the Colosseo. TheministerdeniedthisaccusaDon(supportedbyseveralwitnesses),butintheendhehadtoresign.Hisfinallinewillberememberedforever: "A minister cannot retain hisposiDon aLer finding out that somebodybought his house for him."The dialoguebetween the two forged characters in the
counterfeit Altan cartoon below goes asfollows:"TheHon.Ministerwasdeeplyhurtby the fact that somebody bought hishouseforhim"."Goodforhimhecanbe".T he l in e s ug ge st s t ha t m an y A lt ancharacters, usual ly depicDng notsowealthycommonworkers,wouldlovetobethe vicDms of such kind of treacherousbehavour.PoerioPress,2010 44
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OnSpanishHeroism
(13May2010)
W e a r e i n S p a i n ,
unmistakeably. The guitarist
complains about the prime
minister, who just reduced
t he s al ar ie s o f a ll t he
country's public employees
by 5 per cent, including hisfather's, who works as a
school janitor. The flamenco
dancer tries to console him:
but surely, at the very least
theywillhonouryourfather
w i t h t h e s p e c i a l
InternaDonalMonetaryFund
Heromedal.
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TheValueofSe=ngan
Example
(14May2010)
1 4 M ay 2 01 0: To d ay ' s
b an ne r h ea dl in e o n " a
R e pu b b li c a " r e po r t s a
Burlesqueoni quote: "Those
who enriched themselves
[illegally] must resign". Thereaderontherightobserves
t h a t t h i s w ou l d b e a
wonderful opportunity to
leadbyexample.
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TheUrgencyofthe
Situa?on
(16May2010)
The two Poerio Press poliDco
w h iz k i ds d e ba t e r e ce n t
developments in Italy. The girl
n o t e s t h a t [ d u e t o t h e
mulDplicaDon of scandals] the
spoliaDon of public coffers maysoon come to an end, and that
the astute leader of the small
center party currently at the
opposiDon(?), Casini, asked to
join Berlusconi in a "technical
government". The boy observes
that Casini rightly seized the
senseofurgencyofthesituaDon.
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OntheGlobalChild
AllowanceCrunch
(26May2010)
Itisobviousbynowthatthe"financial
crisis" has led to a joyous globalfest
whose main amusement is cu`ng
salaries. But we never suspected that
innocent and unsuspecDng children
couldbecomethedirectvicDmsofthisn ew fo rm o f e nt er ta in me nt , b y
suffering setbacks to their "paghea"
p ro sp ec ts ( "p ag he a " b ei ng a n
e n de a ri ng I ta l ia n d efi n iD on f or
"allowance").Thegirlasksherbrother:
"id you ask dad about raising our
paghea?"Andhereplies:"Thatsmart
aleck.Wanttoknowwhathereplied?
He fears a negaDvereacDonfrom the
markets".
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OntheIrra?onalLack
ofExuberanceofthe
Poor
(26May2010)
The recently approved Italian
"manovra" hits precarious
w o r k e r s , w o u l d b e
pensioners,andgenerallylow
i n c o m e p u b l i c s e c t o r
employees as a sacrifice to
the Gods of the Markets, in
thehopeofearningtheir(the
Gods') benevolence. An
i m ag i na r y A n ge l a M er ke l
remarks: "The Italians are
raking money only from the
poor!" and her Groszesquian
Aidedecamp replies: "Thatwill teach them to insist on
being poor. Theyshould have
invested in Italian treasury
notesinstead."
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PoerioPresson
Educa?onReform
(29May2010)abolito
l'isegnamento
del dirittonegli istitutiper geometri.
rimane pero'quello delROVESCIO E
DELLASMORZATA.
poerio press 2010
T he i nd ef aD gab le M in is te r of
EducaDoneliminatedlawfromthe
c ur ri cu lu m o f p ub li c t ra in in g
insDtutes for chartered surveyors.
Thisisnotsurprising,giventhefact
t h at s u r ve yo r s a r e e q ua l ly
indefaDgable in illegal housing
construcDon and that the same
Minister's government has been
raking in plenty of money by
regularizing postfacto this very
popular kind of real estate. Our
very wellinformed tennis players
discussthenews(theword"law"is
a lso refe rre d to i n Ita li an a s
" di r i o ", w hi ch a l so m ea n s
forehand"). The one to the rightobserves that at least they will
ke ep teach in g "rove sc io" and
"servizio"(backhandandserve).
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PoerioPressonEconomic
Growth
(29May2010)
WhiletheGodsoftheMarketmay
beappeased bythe savage cuts
to public spendingbeing enacted
by theBurlesqueoni government,
m any l am en t t ha t t he sa me
government is comtemplaDng no
measures whatsoever to support
economic growth. The reader to
the right, in an aempt to be
sarcasDc, remarks that this will
teach [the opposiDon and the
press} not to get rid of the
M i n i s t e r f o r E c o n o m i c
evelopment .For more info onthecase,see6May,"PoerioPress
Counterfeits Altan (But for the
BenefitofMankind)".
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Ge=ngRichwiththe
OlympicGames
(31May2010)
Mercifully, Italy saved a
bunch ofbillionsby losing
h er bid fo r the 2016
E u r o p e a n s o c c e rchampionships. And if we
lose our Olympic bid to
boot, we may get to be
nearlyrich.
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WhatifITakemy
LifeandLosemyJob
(2June2010)
53
Thismayverywellbethemost
cynicalandpreposterousPoerio
Press to date. However, the
actual occurrence provides
ample jusDficaDon for it. The
owners of the Foxconn factory
in Shenzen, China, got worried
aboutworkers taking their ownlives on the factory premises.
C o n s eq u e n tl y, t h e y n o w
demandthatnewrecruitssigna
wrien clause pledging not to
commit suicide. The worker on
theleLcomplainsabouthaving
tosigntheIshallnotkillmyself
pledge ifhewantstogetajob
there. But his friend comes upwith a bril liant idea. "on't
worry", he says. "When you
decide toend itall,we'll make
sure it looks like a workplace
accident".
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Salu?dallItalia
(6June2010)
"Cartolina"is"postcard"inItalian,and
"saluto" means "greeDng". The term
assumes a special meaning when the
"saluto" becomes a "saluto fascista.
T hi s p arDc ul ar c artoli na i s b ei ng
wrienbyaconcernedItalianfatherto
his son, who took the inexplicable
decisiontoemigratetoHolland,ofall
places. The father informs him about
the eader's last sDrring speech,
announcingtoallItaliansthattheywill
allbefreeandrichassoonastheyget
rid of their bolschevik magistrates.
ALerthis comforDng news, thefather
makesnomysteryofhisworriesabout
t h e s o n ' s c o n d i D o n s i n t h eNetherlands. oeshe have enough to
eat?otheyhavetelevisionthere?
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Varia?onsonthe
Manovra(I)
(9June2010)
" M an o vr a" l i te r al l y m e an s
"manouver", i .e. changing a
vehicle's direcDon while at the
wheel. But in Italy's world of
exquisite poliDcal euphemisms,
"manovra"isusedtodescribea
horrendousraidtofillinagiantholeinpubliccoffers.Ofcourse,
whenhetalksaboutthecurrent
manovra, Burlesqueoni swears
that it does not touch at all
Italians' pockets.This isindeed
the case, if we talk about high
i nc o me s . S o, t h e s e co n d
newspaper reader offers the
suggesDon that while he hasboth hands at the wheel, it
mightnotbeabadideatodoa
lile search into HIS pockets.
Justincase.
55
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Varia?onsonthe
Manovra(II)
(9June2010)
( I " M a n o vr a " l i t e r al l y
means "manouver", i.e.
c h an g i ng a v e hi c le ' s
d ir ec Do n w hi le a t t he
wheel.ButinItaly'sworld
of exqu isi te po liD cal
euphemisms,"manovra"is
u s e d t o d e s c r i b e a
horrendousraidtofillina
giantholeinpubliccoffers.
This one is bas ed onfreezingpublicsalariesfor
fe w y ea rs . O f c ou rs e,
Burlesqueoni swears that
thecurrentmanovra does
nottakeANYmoneyfrom
I t al i an s ' p o ck et s . T h e
comment: "Sure it does
not touch our pockets. It
takesourmoneybeforeitgetsthere".
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ChinasNewPolicy
onDelocaliza?on
(11June2010)
In China's Pearl River elta
workers'salariesarebeingmorethandoubled:fromthemonthlyequivalent of 100 dollars plusto 300 dollars a month. Thisbizarre(andsuicidal,asitwere)
generosity is obviously boundtoputtheChineseeconomyonits knees. The concernedWesternindustrialistontheleL
asks his Chinese counterpartfacing himwhat theyare goingtodo.Theanswerisquick:we'llmoveourfactoriestoItaly.
Nodoubt,theChineseindustrialistisawareofthefactthatsomeindustrialdistrictsinItalyarefullofclandesDne
ChinesefactoriesoperaDngwithimportedslavelabour.
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TheMiracleoftheDivine
Intercep?on
(11June2010)
Poerio Press is having a terribleDmekeepingtrackofBurlesqueoni.J us t a Le r h is p ers on al S en at eadopted a law severely curtailingthescope,duraDonandpublicityofintercepDons legally enforced byinquiring magistrates, the ElevatedOneturnedupatajointconference
with the Prime Minister of Spain.ALer congratulaDng him for beinginaStateofGracebyvirtueofhise nc ou nt er w it h t he P op e a nddeclaringhisenvyforSpain'spublicdebt,whichhappenstobehalfthatofItaly's,heturnedaroundandleL.W hy ? P oe r io P r es s , t a ki n gadvantageofthefactthatthenewl aw i s n ot y e t i nt o e ffe ct ,intercepted a brilliant explanaDon.The second priest from the leLm ur mu rs i n r es po ns e t o t hequesDon whispered from his right:" I g ue ss h e wa s af ra id t ha tZapatero, exploiDng his temporaryS ta te o f G ra ce , m an ag ed t ointercept theaddiDonal idiocieshewasabouttosay".
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Delocalizing Parliament (19 June 2010)
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DelocalizingParliament(19June2010)Fiat is offering to reconvert itsail ing factory in P omiglianod'Arco, Italy, by transferringthereanautomobileproducDonlinecurrently locatedin Poland.But asAdamSmith wouldhavewarned us, this has nothing tod o w it h b en ev ol en ce . T herewardFiatexpectsoutofthisis
the enforcement of stringentnew rules in the workplace, arevoluDon in workerbusinessrelaDons,andafinalblowtotheu ni on m ov em en t, w it h t hemilitantFIOMthe only one leLtryingtodiscussthedeal.Takeito r eav e i t, t he a ut om ake rwarns. NegoDaDng by Fiat, onewouldadd.PoerioPress,viathisoriginal new pastel vigneeabandoning, this Dme, Altan's
charactersbutnothissituaDonalhumour,imaginestheexpansionof the Fiat strategy to othersituaDons. We are inside theidyllic renovated PomiglianoproducDon line, with workersconnected to the new liquidnourishment intake/diureDcevacuaDon system. The workertothe leLsays: "Is it true theya re a b ou t t o d e lo c al i zeParliamentinPoland?".Yes,sayshiscolleague."It'sadecisionbyBrunea[theMinisterforPublicAdministraDon and InnovaDon].Andhewillchangehismindonlyif parlamentarians adopt thePomiglianoregime:notoiletandlunchbreaks".
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DoingAwayWith
Goalkeepers
(18June2010)
Americanreaderswillhavetoacceptthatthe world soccer championships aresimplyknownas"TheWorldCup".It'saninnocent retaliaDon against the slightlyfl i p p a n t u s a g e o f " W o r l d
Series".CompeDDonisfierceattheworldcup and the pressure intense, and nomoresothanforItaliansoccerfans,who,
aLer all, are cheering for the currentworld champions.The Italian team is notmuchtowritehomeabout,butwehaveasecretweapon.Yes,youguessed:it'stheEverpresent, Burlesqueoni. The first fancomplainsthattheteamcan'twakeuptothenoDonthatyouhavetoscoreinorderto win games. But his colleague replies:not to worry. I know for sure that thepresident of the soccer federaDon asked
Berlusconi to ask Qaddafi to ask ourfuture opponents, as an excepDonalm e a s u r e , t o p l a y w i t h o u t agoalkeeper.The salvific reference toQaddafi refersto the fact thatwheneverheisinserioustrouble,oureaderfliestoTripoli to seek support from his muchadmiredbuddy. 60
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IlTri`codelGenerale(24June2010)
PoerioPressmanagedtointerceptsomeoftheinnerthoughtsfloaDngaroundduringthewearandtearinterviewwhichjustled
tothebooDngofthetoughbooted,interviewhappycommander.NoDcehow,inthethirdintercepDon,theeversoshrewd
commandermanagedtointerceptthethoughtsoftheenemyoops,ofthecommanderinchief.ThesecondthoughtintercepDon
isahandyintroducDontoasoontocomevigneeanarDst'sreconstrucDonofwhatREAYprecipitatedthetoughbooted
general'sbooDng.
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TheGucciGeneral
(24June2010)
One of the interesDng oddiDes of GeneralMcChrystal's personality ishis contempt ford e ca d en t m o re s, w h ic h h e f or c ef u ll yc on de ns es at l ea st j ud gi ng f or m h isinterview to Rolling Stone in the Gucciimagery. On the assumpDon that peopleten d to exo rc ise their own hi dd eno b se ss io n s b y e xp re ss i ng h a tr ed f orthem(closetgays on gays,forexample),PPsubmits that the dismissed general lovednothingmorethansecretlywearinghisown
covetedGuccishoes.WhyonearthheendedupwiththemonatthefatefulWhiteHousefaithfully reconstructed by oneof PP's bestarDsts,weshallneverknow.Washemockingt he w im pi sh l i fe st yl es o f Wa sh i ng to ncivilians?Orexpressingsomekindoftragicalcomingout(seeabove)?Orsimply,hewasinsuchastateofconfusionthatherushedoutof his hotel forge`ng to change into histrademark fighDng boots?At any rate, PPwelcomes the publicity received by Gucci,and through it, to Italy's flagging luxurygoodsexports.ALerall,moreItalianexportsmeanhigherGP,higherGPmeanshighernaDonalbudgetrevenue,andhighernaDonalbudget revenue means more money tosupportourowntroops'vitalcontribuDontothe fight for freedom and democracy inAfghanistan.(on't fail to scroll down andtakeapeepatthe GuccimodelthegeneralelectedforhisWhiteHouseinterview).
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BertolasoStepsin
(25June20010)
TheWorldCupistrulyagreatevent:for example, puny Slovakia canhappilybootoutthereigningworldchampions.Thepictureportraystwoperplexed Italian footballers aLerthe World Cup dbcle. The firstone says: "And now what?"But hiscompanionisquicktoconsolehim:"Not to worry. Now that we areclearly an emergency in a greatevent, the Football FederaDon willbe absorbed byBertolaso who will
take care of everything". AenDveobserversofthingsItalianareawarethatincohortwiththeeverpresentBurlesqueoni, the Civil ProtecDonA ge nc y a nd h is b os s, G ui doBertolaso,havemanagedto extendtheir pillaging ofpublic coffers byexpanding the agency's tradiDonalp o s t e m er g e nc y m a n da t e t oa ny th in g d ub be d a s " a m aj orevent" (papal visits to small Italiantowns are also included in this
category).How cananyone disputethatthe disgracednaDonal footballteam is now an ideal target forBertolaso?
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LaFannulloneria
(26June2010)
We are in an enormous,spectral, empty ministry, int h e v er y h e a rt o f t h eFannulloneria directorate("fannullone" (loafer) is the
t e rm M r. B r un e a , t h eM i n i s t e r f o r P u b l i cA d m i n i s t r a D o n a n dInnovaDon, chose to refer top u b l ic e m p lo y e es ) . T h ef a nn u l lo n is ' v e nd e a i sgloriously displayed on the
Fannulloneria directorate'svesDbular wall: a giant blowup of the Minister himselfcaught napping at an officialf un cD on . U nd er i t, t woministryaendantsholdtheirfavourite newspaper anddiscuss the recent fiasco ofthe naDonal calcio squad atthe World Cup. The first one
says: "ippi (the manager)said he will take all theblame". And the other: "Everthemegalomaniac".
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TheG20
(29June2010)
PoerioPress'sdelighul
wunderkinden ponder
on the recently (and
mercifully concluded)
G 2 0. T he l i le g ir l
n ote s that th e G 20
boys ignored peace,
e m p l o y m e n t, a n d
environmental issues.
T he b oy, e ve r t he
darker ofthe lot, sadly
remarksthattheywere
f ar t oo b u s y N OT
dealingwithbanksandfinance.
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ThePrevalenceofthe
South
(3July2010)
Giulio TremonD, the Minister of
Financeknowntoplaytonguein
cheek with the secessionist and
SouthhaDng ega Nord, rebuked
localgovernment protests about
budget cuts by saying that the
S o ut h er n r eg io n s h av e o n ly
m an ag ed t o s pe nd a D ny
percentageoftheEuropeanfunds
a ss ig ne d t o t he m. R eg io na l
g overnmen ts s ou th of Rome
retortedby blaming inefficiencies
at the central government level.
Giulio's younger sister reports
this.ButGiulioisquickasever:Of
course. Even the government isfullof southerners.Thiscartoonis
notpoliDcallycorrect.
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DefenseBudgets
(7July2010)
M as si mo 'A le ma , t he fo rm er i ta li an
communistpartywunderkind,formerheirof
the s ame, former c hi eLai n of s everal
incarnaDons of the postcommunist party,
former prime minister, former richelieu of
the present emocraDc Party and currently
f uture nobodykn ows, h as l on g b ee n a
favourite target of Poerio Press. Perhaps
because, in PP's view, he tends to be too
clever by half.In his metamorphosis fromtenured leader of the comfortable leL to
iconoclasDc signbearer of postmodern
poliDcal thinking, 'Alema has surpassed
himself.Yesterday,withthecountrytryingto
a bs or b a s av ag e s la sh in g o f s al ar ie s,
pensions, jobs, educaDon and research
budgets and social spending, 'Alema came
outsayingthat"thecountryisnotspending
enoughondefense".ThetwostreetciDzensin
t h e v i gn e e b e lo w c om me n t t h is
extraordinarydeclaraDon:"'Alemaisawise
person also because he studied for free
when the state was spending enough on
educaDon,too". 67
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IPoteriFor?
(12July2010)
Another formidable and inquisiDvecouple of young poliDcal analysts fromPoerio Press wonder about a recurrentItalian obsession,the "poteri forD" (inaway,the"powersthatbe")whichschemein the shadows to frustrate the gallanteffortsofthegovernmentoftheday.Thew or se t hi ng s g et , t he l ou de r t hea cc u sa Do ns b ec om e a ga i ns t t he semysterious "poteri forD". The analyst totheleLrecallsanicedinnerpartygivenon an elegant roman terrace with the
parDcipaDonof the richest man in Italy,ownerof fournaDonalTV channels andprime minister, his daughter, owner ofthe main publishing house and bestselling magazine in the country, theSecretary of State of the VaDcan, theGovernor of the Bank of Italy andpresidentoftheFinancialStabilityBoard,the president of the country's maind i s c ou n t b a n k a n d i n s u ra n c ec o ng l o me r at e , a f o rm e r C h ri s D anemocratbossnowheadingapartyvery
close to the Church, and theanchor ofthemain poliDcal talk show of the firstchannel of the State TV network.Theanalysttotherightobservesthatsinceitappears they talked about everythingunder the sun, they may have alsowonderedwhothesemysterious"poteriforD"mightbe.
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Preven?ngBuilding
Viola?ons
(20July2010)
The prevenDon of crime has always been akeen concern of the current government.Wary of condoning building violaDons, theBurlesqueoniparliamentisabouttolaunchan ic e l i le n ew p ro ce du re c al le d S CI A(Segnalazione cerDficata di inizio a`vita' literally,cerDfiedsignallingofbuildingstart).Tha nks to it , th e nee d to de al wit hunauthorized building will disappear, since
SCIAwillsimplyeliminatetherequirementtoobtain a building authorisaDon in the firstplace.Elementary,Watson
.The vignee below, sublimely penned byanotherPoerioPressarDstandcapDonedasalways in the official language of organisedc r i m e, i s n e a rl y i n c om p re h e ns i b le .Metaphorically stepping on topof an arDcledenouncing the SCIA gimmick, the tworoguesquebuilders arecongratulaDngeachother."Nowwecanfinallydowhatwewant,says the one to the leL". And his zealous
companion: "Ialways said that you have tosignalfirstbeforedoing a manouver. Hurrahfor TremonD!"TremonD is the ineffableBurlesqueoni minister of finance w hoconceived the segnalazione gimmick andstuckitinafoldofhis"Manovra"abouttobepassed by Parl iament ("Manovra" is aeuphemismformassivefiscaltsunami).
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CaligulaCaesar
(30July2010)
TheRomanemperorCaligula,notagreatfanof representaDve insDtuDons, iswell
known for having made his horse a
Senator. Approximately one thousand
years later, we may have a reverse
situaDon. Burlesqueoni, affecDonally
referredtobyhishenchmenas"Cesare",
and garbed accordingly in this Poerio
Press rendering, consults with his main
consigliori , t he c el eb ra te d l aw ye r
Ghedinus. "Ghedinus" he asks, "Can a
fourlegged animal be condemned for
collusion with the mafia ?" "Of course
not", Ghedinus promptly answers."Fine
t h e n" , c o nc l u de s C a li g u la Ca e s ar
Burlesqueoni: "I shall make Senator
ell'Utri a horse. ell'Utri is one of B.'s
closestconfidants,twicecondemned for
mafiaandwaiDngforthefinalverdicton
thesecharges.
ThePoerioPressarDstaddedtwodetails
worthyofnoDce.ThescrollinGhedinus's
handsreads"Meaex,Sedex";andB.'s
chaussures are forged in the fashion of
the riding boots that earned Caligulahis
name.70
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DeficitANDdebt
(16September2010)
The reader on the leL
expresses her puzzlementa t h ow t he p er si st en tg lo ba l c ri si s i s b ei nga e n d e d t o b y i t sappointed medics somepushing for rigour (and
relatedstagnaDon),othersfor deficit spending (andrelated debt growth). The
second reader commentsthat our finance ministerGiulio TremonD, anxiousnot toerr, has decided todo both. (Italian publicdebt is skyrockeDng whilesocial spending is being
slashed savagely right andleL).
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Sarkozy,Berlusconi,Hitler
(16September2010)
berlusconi haentusiasticamente difeso
sarkozy e la sua politica diespulsione dei rom.
tutto qui da uno chevuole far rinascerehitler molto piu'cattivo di prima?
poerio press 2010
One of Burlesqueoni's worst jokes
recentlytouredtheworld:Hitleris
found living incognito in aDn
america, and his fans beg him to
return. Yes, he finally says, but at
o n e c on d iD on : m u ch m o re
toughnessthisDme.Inviewofthis,
thePoerioPressmaninthestreet
o n t he r ig ht m an ife st s h is
d i s a pp o i nt m e n t a b o u t t h e
enthusiasDcsupportourleaderjust
expressedforSarkozyandhismeek
policyofsimplyexpellingRoms.
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CosiparloUolter
(18September2010)
The other dat Walter (Uolter for PP
r e a d e r s ) V e l t r o n i p e n n e d acumbersome manifesto which, alas,willsplittheopposiDon'smainpartyintwo warring facDons, but in the longrunwillinevitablycarryhisownfacDontovictorywithhimselfasthevictory'sselfsacrificing and reluctant leader.ThewundergirlontheleLquotesoneof the manifesto's key passages: "We
neednewlabourmarketrulescapableof eliminaDng the barrier betweenprotected and unprotected workers".The wunderkind on the right remarksthat this is exactly what the ruthlessFiatboss,Marchionnesaysdayinandday out. (on Fiat,see the 19June PP,"delocalizing Parliament").Minor
notaDon: the physical resemblancebetween Uolter and Marchionne isalsoremarkable.
73
As Long as Its Not in The
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AsLongasIt sNotinThe
Family
(25September2010)
fini dice che seviene fuori cheil cognato e'
un poco dibuono sidimette.
gran sospiro disollievo di
berlusconi, che di
mangano, dell'utrie scajola non e'
nemmeno lontanoparente.
poerio press 2010
Readers who are lucky enough not to
reside in this republic increasinglyresemblinganexoDcfruitplantaDonmay
ignore that the issue that kept the
countryhostageoverthelasttwomonths
is the accusaDon from Burlesqueoni's
printedmedia roweilers that B.'s most
insidious poliDcal foe, Gianfranco Fini,
mayhavelethiscompanion'sbrotherrent
(or even purchase) a Dny apartment in
MontecarlosoldbythepartythatFiniledattheDme.Onthevergeofbeingburied
by this unheardof scandal (unheard of
becausethescandalsweareusedtoare
incommensurably more serious), Fini
pledgedhewillresignifitisprovedthat
h is " br ot he r in l aw " l ie d t o h im i n
p ro te sD ng h e d oe s n ot o wn t he
place.Burlesqueoni can now breath a
huge sigh of relief. If dirty deals withbrothersinlaw are the new standard of
ethical conduct, he has nothing to fear:
the scoundrels he has been associaDng
with are not even remotely part of his
family.
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SomeofMyBestFriends
areNiggers
(25September2010)
do we
reallyhate
niggers?
nah, onlysocialist
ones.
poerio press 2010
PoliDcal incorrectness is one of
t h e d e l i c i ou s o p D o n s o f
underground publishing houses.
Here,aconversaDonamongtwo
tea party acDvists reveals that
their distaste about Obama has
nothingtodowithrace,butonly
with the fact that he heads an
odiouscollecDvistconspiracy.
75
Li t Wh T lki
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ListenWhosTalking
(25September2010)
oh bella. eroconvinto che
l'impresa l'avessecompletata lui
stesso da tempo.
berlusconidice che nonsi fida piu' di
fini perche'ha
sputtanatol'italia
poerio press 2010
senti chi parla
Inagayandwellappointedbrothel,a
p ro sp ero us s ex wo rke r a nd h er
disDnguished client indulge in small
talk as they make their way to the
appointed chambers that will host
the ir b li ss fu l e mb race . S he s ays:
"Berlusconi says that he cannot trust
Fini any more because he ruined the
c o u n t r y ' s r e p u ta D o n " ( t h e
untranslatable Italian equivalent is
m o re r e mi n is c en t o f b o rd e ll o
language). The wellinformed client
quips: "Strange. I thought B. himselfhadalreadycompletedthistaskalong
Dmeago".
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Fiducia
(30September2010)
ALe r obtain in g a "voto difi d u c i a " i n P a r li a m e nt ,
Burlesqueoni will have to rely
onthevotesofhisrunawayex
ally, Gianfranco Fini. For all
pracDcal purposes, from now
on B. will be on a drip
administereddailyby his ally/
f oe . But F in i, p erfid ious ly,
reassures his new paDent:"don't worry, cavaliere, this is
justanaddiDonalsidetherapy.
Today'slunchwillbetheusual:
toads and gall" ("ingoiare un
rospo" is Italospeak for being
f or ce d t o a cc ep t a v er y
unpleasantturnofevents).
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TheImminentNewRing
RoadinRome
(6October2010)
e adesso civoglionoanche farpagare i
viaggi sulraccordo.
e noi ce necostruimo unartro, e su
quello vecchioce famo la
formula uno, cefamo.
6 ottobre 2010: gli industrialiromani domandano a gran voceun secondo grande raccordoanulare.
poerio press 2010
The passenger expresses his worry
aboutthethreatofturningtheasphalt
freewaycirclingtheEternalCityintoa
toll road. Meanwhile, the Roman
industrialists (forgive the oxymoron)
are clamouring for a new, bigger,
wider one. But not to worry. Thec ar ef re e d ri ve r r es po nd s t o h is
companion:we'llbuildanewone,and
we'll use the old one for grand prix
r a c e s . ( O n e o f t h e p r e s e n t
administraDon's follies is, indeed, to
haveagrandprixraceinRome).Photo
courtesy of the immortal flick "Il
Sorpasso",byEoreScola.
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Ro]enEggs
(10October2010)
lo sapevo cheprima o poiavrebberolanciato leuova contro
la cgil.
facciamo ilsolitotitolone diprima- "vileattaccosquadrista"?
sieteimpazziti?due righedopo losport,
caratteriminuscoli
.
titolo:
ingenua
ragazzata
goliardica.
poerio press 2010
novembre 2010: uova marce anche contro la cgil
Recently, a handful of youths hurled
roeneggs and redpaintagainsttheentrance of CIS, in protest againstthat union's accommodaDng standabout Fiat's uncompromising posiDononworkers'rights(seePoerioPress,19June2010).ThereacDonofthemainpress ha s been one of universa lcondemnaDonof theserepulsiveacts
of violence verging on terrorism andsmacking of fascist violence.PoerioPresstriestoimaginewhatkindofDtlewould be used if the same vileaggression were to be perpetratedagainsttheleLleaningCGI."Heinousfascist aack, l ike the last Dme?"proposes a naive young stringer. "Youmust be out of your mind", his more
experienced colleagues answer. "Twolines,smallestfont.Title:BoysWillBeBoys".Photo c ou rtesy of "Al l thePresident'sMen".
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BombsandTerrorism
(12October2010)
ma babbino,non eravamonoi che
dovevamoarginare ilterrorismo?
sai che lanato ci ha
dato il
permesso dimettere le
bombe sugliaerei?
poerio press 2010
A quick, albeit fairly strange,
responseby the government to
t he d ea th o f f ou r I ta li an
servicemen in Afghanistan has
been to ask Nato permission to
storebombsinthe(four)militaryp l a ne s s ta D on e d i n t h at
wretchedland.Theresponsehas
beenimmediateandaffirmaDve.
adproudlyannouncesthenews
to his son bent on surveying
possible Al Queda aacks from
the sea, who responds with a
c er ta in a mo un t o f c an di d
scepDcism."Bombsonplanes?hesaysbutad,weren'twethe
ones who were supposed to
containterroristacts?"
80
P i P Af h i t
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PoerioPressonAfghanistan
(17October2010)with you inafganistanuntill the
victory
final.
hasta lavictoria,
siempre!
poerio press 2010
It did not take an awful lot of
persuading to convince the ItalianMinister of efense (the taliban
lookingchapontheleL)toremuster
total c ommi tmen t to the Afg han
mission, slightly shaken aLer four of
his countrymen were blown up in an
ambush. Poerio Press imagines a
gall an t Petraeu s, moved b y s uc h
devoDon, launching himself into theo n ly l a Dn o so un di ng p h ra se h e
remembers, confident it will sit well
w it h h is o bl ig in g u nd er li ng . T he
p hra se, o f co urse , is b y E rne sto
Guevara, and his last one before
l ea vi ng f or a n i ll fa te d m il it ar y
expediDon in a distant and hosDle
land.
81
SameTea,SameChair
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(18October2010)OnlyolderpeopleindigenoustothePoerioPresshostcountrywillgetthisonerightaway.ButyoungerItaliansallknowEnglish,anyway,andmayalsolikethis
story.More thanfourscore years ago, a popularpoli?car?stnot very sympathe?c to thele drew a cartoon thatreally hitthe town. It portrayedEnrico
Berlinguer,the adoredleaderof theItalianCommunistParty,si=nginhisfavouritearmchairandsippingteaundera portraitof KarlMarx.Thecartoonwas
meanttochas?seBerlinguerfornota]endingamassivemetalworkers'rallythreateningahugena?onalstrike,thuscelebra?ngthe"bourgeoisiza?on"ofthe
biggestcommunistpartyoutsidetheSovietUnion.InPoerioPress'sview,33yearslaterhistoryrepeatsitself.On16OctoberofthisyearPierluigiBersani,the
headofthecenterlepartywhichincorporatestheremainsofwhatoncewastheItaliancommunistparty,alsorefusedtoa]endamassivemetalworkers'rally
threateningana?onalstrike.Thereasonisthesameas33yearsago:hispartyisnego?a?ngacoali?onwithmoderatepoli?calforceswhodonotlikerallies,militantandaggressiveunions,andredflags.TheonlymajorchangeisthatKarlMarx'sportraithasdisappeared,andthatBersani'sfaceiscompletelyblank.One
ofPoerioPress'srichre?nueofinhousear?stsdecidedtocapturethesceneandofferittoourreaders,sidebysidewiththeoriginal1977cartoon.
82
1977 2010
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BungaBunga
(2November2010)
ALer the Wall Street Journal, e
Monde, the Guardian, the ondonT ime s a ll ca me o ut wi th t heBurlesqueoni & Mubarak niecestory, Poerio Press is forced toabandon its tradiDonal olympicrestraintanddealwiththecase.ThereaderontheleLmanifestsasenseofnauseaaboutallthoseB.scandalstories.Theoneontheright,always
more cynical, suggests that it is allpartofagrandplan:whatB.reallywants is to be forced to leave hisp re se nt p os iD on , g et e le ct edPresident of the Republic by afriendly parliament and move tothe secluded Quirinale palace inwhose ample cellars his loyal all
p ur po se d oe r, B er to la so , c anappoint a wonderful fun space,
p o s s ib l y w i t h e x t ra t e r ri t o r ia lprivileges.
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GoingtotheQuirinale
(8November2010)
I t i s n o wo nde r, gi ve n
r e c e n t s c a n d a l o u srevelaDons, that many of
P o e r i o P r e s s ' s
wunderkinder are quite
worriedabouttheprospect
of Burlesqueoni "going to
the Quirinale", i.e. ge`ng
elected president of the
Republic. However, thelilechapontherighthasa
plan. He says: " et's do it
this way. He GOES to the
Quirinalejustthisonceto
r es ig n. A nd t ha t' s i t" .
(Graphics: Poerio Press.
S o L w a r e : S k e t c hb o o k
( i m a g e s ) ; C o m i c i f e
(cartoons)).
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WinningTac?cs
(15November2010)
ho trovato lamaniera perfregare la
destra.
noiindichiamo uncandidato dipartito, e
poi
quell'altrovince allagrande.
primarie pd a milanopoeriopress 2010
E xa ct ly a s i t h ap pe ne d
previously in Puglia and in
F l o r e n c e , t h e I t a l i a n
emocraDc Party's official
candidate in Milan lostlocal
primaries to an unendorsed
opponent. Apparently, theparty's undisciplined rank
and file tend to vote for
somebody other than the
one the party tells them to
vote for. But never mind,
reasons the P secretary. "I
finally found a way to beat
theright;wepickaguy,andthentheotheronewinsbya
landslide".
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Poli?calStabilityand
SteadfastMinisters
ALerthePompeicollapse,the
minister in charge, far from
considering resignaDon and
ke en o n a vo id in g s im il ar
occurrences in the future,o rd er ed u rg en t w or ks o f
c on so li da Do n fo r h is o wn
ministerialchair.
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SellingAssetsinHardTimes
(18November2010)
O ne reade r remarks that
Burlesqueoni is not the only
one with problems. The Fiat
boss,forexample,lost33%of
its share of the d omesDc
marketinthislastyearalone.Hercompanionobserves:yes,
butatleasttheFiatbosscan
sell Alfa Romeo and Ferrari.
And what can the other one
selltheMinistroBondi?(See
previousPP)
87
The Italian Tea Party
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TheItalianTeaParty
(20November2010)
Americanswhowanttoknowmoreabout
their future should take a beer look atthiscountry.Here,theTeaPartyhasbeeni n p owe r fo r ye ar s. I t i s ca ll edMovimento per lIndipendenza della
Padania. It's the only party in clearascendancy; its supporters are racistrednecksandblueneckswhodespisetheirownWashington(Rome),hatetheforeignworkerstheyimporttoworkforthemlikeslaves,thinkthatstatetaxaDonisrobbery
and love colorful shirts and banners,hunDng, guns, God and family. Its bossforlifeisanunbelievablecharactercalledUmbertoBossi(seeballoonsbelow),andhe cant wait for new elecDons. TheconversaDon between our Poerio Pressnewspaperreaders:BigDtle:Bossi warnsthat Italy will not stomach a transiDongovernment.Theproblemofthishonestandcatholiccountryisthatithangsfrom
the lips of a character who patronizeswhores,neverworkedin hislife,believesinthePoGodandinhisfreeDmegetshissonselectedtoregionalparliaments.
88
bossi ammonisceche l'italia nontollerera' ungoverno tecnico.
il problemadell'italia
cattolica chelavora e' che pendedalle labbra di uno
che va a puttane,non ha mai lavorato
in vita sua, credenel dio po e neltempo libero faeleggere i figli
consiglieriregionali.
poerio press 2010
my prob em s
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AWhiteHousePredicament
my problem is
that i have
absolutely no
convictions.
i think.
the white house, november 2010
poerio press 2010
WilltheObamaweallsDlllovefindthe
innerstrengthtostanduptothebad
guys?
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TheNewNightmare
Monsters
(21November2010)
i nuovi orchi
vedrai che quei brutti mercatinon li sognerai piu'. e adessocerca di riaddormentarti, da
bravo.
Giventhefactthat"themarkets"have
becomethemastersofindividualsand
enDrecountriesalike,itislikelythat
theywillbecomethenightmare
monstersofanewgeneraDonof
percepDveandsensiDvechildren.
Here'soneofthem,tryingtogetback
tosleepwiththehelpofarather
perplexedfather.Graphictools:
SketchbooksoLware.Balloons:Comic
ifesoLware.Atthedrawingboard:
PoerioPress.
90
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(24November2010)
According to her contemporaries,
Mariastella Gelmini never stood outfor her scholarly achievements.However, her early and unshakeabledevoDontoBurlesqueoniwasenoughto gain her, in the end, a ministerialposiDon. Her predecessor, the oilmagnate spouse eDzia Mora`,managed to eliminate the "public"fromtheleerheadoftheMinistryofP u b li c E d uc a Do n . M a r ia s te l l alaunched herself in the mission offinishing the job, by eliminaDngeducaDon.Poerio Press suspects thisfuror may have drawn its inspiraDonf ro m M ar ia st el la 's d iffi cu ltrelaDonshipwithhereducators.Here,Mariastellaisdepictedatagetwelve,informingherfathershereceivedonem o r e f a i l i n g m a r k . B u td ad dy, im me rs ed i n t he t as k o freading his "Corriere della Sera"u ps id e d ow n, o ffe rs a p ro ph eD cc o n s o l a D o n . " o n ' t w o r r y,
Mariastella: one day you will be aM in is te r a nd y ou 'l l g et y ou rr e v en g e " .A n o t h er P o e r io P r e s sarDfact.SoLware:none.Tools:anA4sheet,afeltDppen.
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(24November2010)
A c co rd i ng t o h er c o nt em p or ar i es ,
Mariastella Gelmini never stood out forherscholarlyachievements.However,here arly and u ns hake ab le d evoD on toBurlesqueoni wasenough to gain her, inthe end, a ministerial posiDon. Herpredecessor, the oilmagnate spouseeDziaMora`,managedtoeliminatethe"public" from the leerhead of theMinistry of Public EducaDon. Mariastella
l au nc he d h ers el f i n the mis si on of
fi ni sh in g t he j ob , b y e li mi na Dn geducaDon.PoerioPresssuspectsthisfurormay have drawn its inspiraDon fromMariastella's difficult relaDonship withher educators.Here , Mariastella isdepicted at age twelve, informing herfather she received one more failing
mark.Butdaddy,immersedinthetaskofreading his "Corriere della Sera" upside
down, offers a propheDc consolaDon."on't worry, Mariastella: one day youwill be a Minister and you'll get yourrevenge".Another Poerio Press arDfact.Tools: an A4 sheet, a felt Dp pen.