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TABLE OF CONTENTS

PageTable of Contents. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2-3Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4Why A Church Wedding?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5Initial Decisions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5Types of Weddings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5The Place of the Wedding. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6Setting the Date. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6Inviting Other Clergy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6Writing or Selecting Your Own Ceremony. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7Basic Ingredients of a Wedding Ceremony. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

Music. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8Words of Welcome from the Couple. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9Opening Words of the Minister. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9Prayers from the Minister or Members of The Wedding Party. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9Scripture Passages. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9Poetry. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9The Giving In Marriage. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Congregational Responses. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Exchange of Vows. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Exchange of Rings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Lighting of the Unity Candle. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Declaration of Marriage by the Minister. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11

Orders for Wedding Ceremonies. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11Ceremony Number 1. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11Ceremony Number 2. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13Ceremony Number 3. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15Ceremony Number 4. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17Ceremony Number 5. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

Flowers, Candles, and Aisle Runner. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21Photographers. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21Dressing at the Church.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22Wedding Ushers.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22Assistants. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22Guest Lists and Invitations.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22Newspaper Announcements.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23Wedding Rehearsal. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23Wedding Receptions at the Church. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23Policies of the Church. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

Use of Bird Seed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24Smoking/Use of Alcohol in the Church.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24Picture Taking During Ceremony. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

The Wedding Day. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

A Check List. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25As Soon as Possible. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25Two to Four Months Before the Wedding. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25One Month Before the Wedding. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26Two Weeks Before the Wedding. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26Final Week Before the Wedding. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27Last Minute Reminders for the Wedding.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27Wedding Cost.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28Who Pay for What?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28Community Congregational Church Fees and Gratuities. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29

Updated on February 24, 2015

INTRODUCTION

The members of Community Congregational Church rejoice with you as you anticipate yourwedding day. Those of the church staff who will be working with you as you plan this memorableevent wish to help you in as many ways possible to make it a beautiful and memorable experience.

“Planning Your Wedding" has been prepared to assist you in the details of your planning. It is our feeling that a wedding is a deeply personal event shared between two people and should becarefully planned to reflect their feelings. The suggestions which you will find in these pages havebeen garnered from the experiences of many professionals who have worked with couples as theyapproached this most important event in their lives.

Please read this booklet and follow the points on the "checklist" before setting a date to visitwith the minister.

For your information, we have included the names and home phone numbers of the staffmembers you will be working with:

SENIOR MINISTERRev. Dr. Richard D. Freeman. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (619) 422-9263

WEDDING COORDINATORSylvia Campbell.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (Cell Phone) (619) 990-1491

CHURCH ADMINISTRATIVE SECRETARYBarbara Apple. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (619) 422-9263

CHURCH ORGANIST/ACCOMPANISTLionel Jasmin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (619) 829-5031

CHURCH CUSTODIANPelito Capistrano. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (619) 422-9263

WHY A CHURCH WEDDING?You have come to Community Congregational Church because it is your desire to have a

wedding solemnized by a Christian minister in a church. This, in itself, is a significant decision. You might have gone to a civil officer. Your decision to be married by a Christian minister in achurch means that you want God's blessing upon your union. Your decision also means that you willwant a Christian wedding ceremony.

The Christian wedding ceremony begins with the reminder that we are engaging in an act ofworship at which time we make certain important commitments, not only to each other but to God.Though the marriage ceremony is unlike the service of worship on a Sunday morning, there are manyelements of similarity. The central acts of commitment contain the elements of offertory andthanksgiving, and the prayers of praise, petition, intercession and dedication bring a completenessto the service which is characteristic of all services of Christian worship.

Therefore, when two people have made a Christian commitment and desire that their newhome shall be a Christian home, it is only natural that they would want their wedding to take placein the church and their marriage be blessed by God!!

In addition, the minister is concerned about you and the quality of your marriage. Becausehe is interested in you individually and as a couple, he would like to talk with you about the meaningof marriage and about your future. When you have set a date for your wedding, make anappointment with the minister. He will discuss with you the meaning of Christian marriage, plansfor your wedding, and your life together. The church recommends one or more conferences beforemarriage.

After the wedding ceremony, the minister's interest in your marriage will continue. Ifdifficulties arise, you should feel free to contact him immediately for help. Should you move toanother community, do not hesitate to find a new church and establish a good relationship with a newminister there.

INITIAL DECISIONSThe question is "What kind of wedding do you want?" The church's answer is to place your

wedding firmly in Christ's church, among His people, under His Word, surrounded by those visualand oral symbols of His which remind you of His presence.

This is your wedding and you will want it to reflect your love for each other and for the Lord. Once you are in this spiritual environment, all your other decisions can be made in harmony with

your own personal tastes.Although a traditional church wedding is in good taste, it might not be what you want. Many

traditions are meaningful and beautiful, but only if they have meaning and beauty for you. A verysimple garden ceremony with wild flowers, guitar music, and family and close friends in attendancemay be closer to your tastes. Examine your tastes and feelings before you decide.

Your financial status will influence the style of the wedding you choose. If you prefer theformal wedding, and the bride's parents can afford it, your choice is probably simple, but no sensitivecouple would expect her family to finance a wedding that would be a financial burden to them. Thisis the time for honest evaluation with each other and with your parents. Many couples are financingtheir own weddings today, and old guidelines of "who pays what" are not adhered to at all in somecases. It used to be taboo for the groom's parents to pay for any part of the wedding (except possibly

the rehearsal dinner), but this old rule is broken comfortably by many couples. Occasionally, amother or father desires an extravagant wedding in order to repay social obligations or because "thisis the way it's done in our circle." If this is not what you want, make your opinion known -- but begentle. Keep an open mind. Compromise if necessary.

TYPES OF WEDDINGSFollowing is a brief description of some different types of weddings. Many celebrations today

are a harmonious blend of different styles.Formal: The bride wears the long, white bridal gown, veil, and probably a train; the groom wearsthe cutaway coat and striped trousers (or similar clothing depending on the time of day); the bridalparty and guests wear suitable formal attire. The guest list might be long. The reception is usuallyheld in a hotel, private club, large home, church, etc.Informal: The bride wears a bridal gown, long dress, or suit; the groom wears a tuxedo or darkbusiness suit; the bridal party and guests dress in harmony with the bridal pair and compatibly withthe time of day. The guest list could be long or limited, the reception large or small. This isprobably the most popular form of wedding because of its flexibility, tradition, and cost.Simple or Contemporary: The bride may wear a long dress, short dress, peasant dress, pant suit,etc; the groom dresses to complement the bride's attire -- in business suit, sport suit, slacks andruffled shirt or peasant shirt; the bridal party and guests dress accordingly. The guest list is usuallysmall; invitations are informal. The reception could be a simple buffet, a picnic, or punch andwedding cake.

THE PLACE OF THE WEDDINGThe Sanctuary: A beautiful sanctuary is available for weddings. It will accommodate a weddingof not more than 350 guests. The church is furnished with a public address system and a digitalelectronic organ.

Jewel Chapel: Ideal for a small wedding or a more informal ceremony accommodating not morethan 80 guests. Jewel Chapel is an intimate, modern chapel with lighted stained glass wall panels.

Outdoors: Today, many couples prefer a garden wedding on church property, in a back yard, or ina favorite spot in God's wonderful kingdom. Our church staff will work with you if this is thelocation in which you wish your wedding to take place.

SETTING THE DATEWhen shall the marriage take place? The bride and groom ought to be in control of selecting

the date, but because there is no such thing as a private wedding, it is necessary to consult others.You will certainly want to consider the feelings of your families and would probably not

select a date that commemorates an unhappy occasion. You would also want to delay the weddingfor a reasonable time following a family tragedy.

As soon as you are ready to decide on a date for your wedding, make an appointment withthe minister of the church.

At your first meeting with the minister he will see that the date is entered on the church

calendar. He will also answer any questions you have and will make appointments with you forpremarital counseling. At the same time, you should hand him the wedding information forms inthe back of this booklet.

Check with your employers to be sure that you will be allowed the necessary time off beforeand after the wedding.

It is becoming more and more necessary to arrange early for the reception facilities. Ourchurch hall and some reception halls are reserved as far as nine to twelve months in advance.

INVITING OTHER CLERGYSometimes there is a relative or close friend of the bride or groom who is a minister of some

other Christian church, not necessarily the United Church of Christ. When one of the persons to bemarried is Roman Catholic, you may wish for a priest of that faith to be part of the ceremony. Weare glad to welcome clergy of other Christian communions to assist our minister in the service. Theproper etiquette in such an instance is for our minister, as the host pastor, to invite the other ministerto assist him. If you wish to have another minister assist, you should make these plans at your firstmeeting with our minister.

WRITING OR SELECTING YOUR OWN CEREMONYSo you want something a little different in your wedding ceremony? Welcome to the group!

During the past few years more and more engaged couples have been searching for the same thing. The typical church wedding of today is likely to include such innovations as vows that were writtenby the bride and groom, prayers by members of the wedding party, a welcome to wedding guestsfrom the bride, hymn singing and congregational responses by the wedding guests.

What's behind this trend toward variety and uniqueness in wedding ceremonies? Forgenerations couples seemed to be content with the orderly formality of the old Protestant service. Its Elizabethan phrases -- "to have and to hold" and "Thereto I pledge thee my troth" -- may haveseemed a little strange to modern ears. But few couples took the time to question their meaning orto update them for the twentieth century. Why the trend away from this traditional ceremony in thelast few years?

If you'll think about why you want a different ceremony for your own wedding, maybe youcan understand why this trend has developed.

First of all, like many couples getting married today, you're probably turned off by the formaland ritualistic approach. The informal and personal flavor means more to you. You want yourwedding to be a reflection of the unique personalities of you and your fiance'. This means suchpersonal touches as your own vows, in your own words, spoken to each other in your own uniqueway. Or, it may mean one of your favorite popular songs or hymns woven into your wedding at justthe right moment.

The personal can be pushed so far, of course, that it degenerates into a tasteless invasion of privacy. But if those little personal touches are handled with restraint, they can make your ceremonyspecial to you as well as to your guests.

Another reason why many couples today are writing their own ceremonies is to put theirwedding in tune with the times. They prefer a wedding with an up-to-date, contemporary sound.

It's O.K. to strive for a ceremony that's upbeat and contemporary. But your purpose should

be to describe the biblical ideals about marriage in modern, understandable language -- not tocompromise or change the basic Christian teachings on what marriage and the family are all about.Remember, too, that many of your guests will probably be more familiar with the words and phrasesfrom a traditional marriage ceremony. Don't use concepts and terminology so modern and far-outthat these people will go away without realizing they've attended a Christian wedding.

Finally, there are those couples who want their ceremony to draw their guests into moreactive participation in the wedding. These couples are likely to arrange wedding services thatinclude hymn singing, congregational responses, or the repetition of the Lord's Prayer by everyonein attendance. In recent years some couples have even scheduled their wedding as part of a regularworship service of their church. This makes the wedding a time of celebration and participation bythe entire company of faith.

No matter what your reasons for writing your own ceremony, you're sure to find it a helpfulexercise. One immediate benefit is that it forces you and your fiance' to think together about someof the values and goals you will work toward in your marriage. While you're writing your vows andpulling all the other elements of your ceremony together, you'll be thinking long and hard about thenature of Christian marriage and the long-range commitment you are making to each other. Thesemutual undertandings make an excellent foundation on which to build a lasting marriage.

So welcome to the growing company of engaged couples who have taken the time to arrangeand create their own wedding ceremonies. Planning this special event together should give both ofyou a good send-off on the life-long adventure of becoming one as husband and wife.

BASIC INGREDIENTS OF A CHRISTIAN WEDDING CEREMONYBefore you can plan a ceremony of your own, you need to know what ingredients are usually

included in a Christian wedding ceremony. Here's a quick review of the features you will find inmost church weddings. You might not use all of these, of course, in your own wedding. But keepan open mind on all the possibilities as you begin your planning. Some of these features will beeliminated naturally as you begin to firm up your detailed ceremony plans.

MUSICAppropriate music is one of the key ingredients of a memorable wedding. Background music

during the parts of the ceremony when people are speaking is strictly a no-no, since this only detractsfrom the beauty and solemnity of the occasion. But music of the following four distinct types atspecial times during the wedding lends its own unique beauty to the ceremony.

The Diaconate of the church requests that the church organist play at all weddings held in thesanctuary or chapel. This makes the rehearsal much more simple and guards against confusion inthe ceremony itself. In addition, the size and complexity of the organ makes it difficult for someoneunfamiliar with it to quickly adjust to the instrument.

As soon as the date for your wedding has been entered in the church calendar, you shouldconsult with the church organist about music. She will either play for the service or arrange foranother organist to play. She will also be glad to advise you about appropriate music. The musicchosen should be suitable for worship as well as for a marriage. Music that is excessivelysentimental detracts from the beauty of the wedding, for example. This does not mean, however,that you should feel bound to use traditional music. There is a wide range of music used for

weddings today, including some very beautiful contemporary works as well as older ones.

WORDS OF WELCOME FROM THE COUPLESome couples are throwing formality to the winds these days by including a personal word

of welcome to the wedding guests at the beginning of the ceremony. The rationale behind thiscontemporary feature is that the bride and groom invited these people; so they should also welcomethese guests personally and thank them for attending this special event in their lives. This welcomesometimes takes the form of a more formal word of thanks from the bride and groom in their printedwedding bulletin.

OPENING WORDS OF THE MINISTERThe introductory statement of the minister usually consists of a short summary of the

meaning of marriage as revealed in the Bible. Some words are generally included about thesignificance of the ceremony that is about to take place. In cases where the bride and groom are wellknown to members of the church where the wedding is being held, the minister may include somepersonal words about the couple and their religious history.

PRAYERS OF THE MINISTER ORMEMBERS OF THE WEDDING PARTY

Taking each other as husband and wife is one of the most important events in a couple's life. A happening of this magnitude demands an attitude of prayer. Every Christian wedding ceremonyshould include at least one or two prayers for God's guidance and direction in the life of thenewlyweds. Prayers of thanksgiving for this happy occasion are also in order.

Traditionally, the officiating minister has led the prayers in a wedding ceremony. Butmembers of the wedding party are sharing in this responsibility in many contemporary weddings. Before you as the bride or groom decide to lead a prayer at your own wedding, make sure you havenerves of steel. Sometimes the very people who scoff at the idea of being nervous at their weddingturn into basket cases before the brief service is over!

What about other members of the wedding party? Father of the groom? Mother of the bride? Best man? Maid of honor? Perhaps a prayer led by one of them could add that unforgettable touchto this special day.

SCRIPTURE PASSAGESOne or two passages of Scripture on the meaning of marriage should be included in every

wedding. These are usually read by the minister, but they could also be read by any member of thewedding party.

POETRYLove poems or special readings on marriage can also be woven into a Christian marriage

ceremony, if their lyrics are appropriate and tasteful. The poems of Elizabeth Barrett Browning andRobert Browning seem to be especially suitable for this purpose. Some couples include a brief poemin their vows to each other. The officiating minister could also recite a poem of the couple'schoosing. Or, an appropriate reading or poem could be repeated by the best man or maid of honor.

THE GIVING IN MARRIAGEThe part of the ceremony where the father gives the bride away is a hold-over from ancient

days when the bride was considered her father's property. Today this gesture of "giving away"symbolizes the formal consent and acknowledgment of the marriage by the families involved. In amodern church wedding the minister is likely to ask, "Who presents this woman to be married tothis man?" rather than "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

Many couples today are asking both sets of parents to be involved in this part of theceremony. All four parents may stand with the bride and room at the altar to make brief statementsof love and encouragement, symbolizing their best wishes for this union.

CONGREGATIONAL RESPONSESParticipation in the wedding by the guests is a high priority with many couples. They want

their guests to enter into the celebration of this happy hour rather than just sit and watch as passivespectators.

One good way to get your guests involved is to include a congregational response in yourceremony. These usually take the form of a litany of praise, with the minister making certainstatements about the goodness of God and the congregation responding in unison with their ownwords of praise. If you include a feature like this in your wedding, you'll need to provide a printedworship bulletin with all these responsive elements printed in full.

EXCHANGE OF VOWSThe heart of the Christian wedding ceremony is the exchange of vows between bride and

groom. More and more couples today are writing their own vows and saying them [to] each otherrather than repeating prescribed "formula vows" under the direction of the officiating minister.

If you write your own vows, be sure they include a pledge of your faithfulness and devotionto each other for the rest of your lives. This biblical ideal for marriage should be underscored inevery Christian wedding ceremony. And keep your vows brief -- no more than four or five sentencesin length. This is not the place for long, rambling essays on the nature of Christian marriage. Vowsshould also have an intimate and personal character. Remember, you are making promises to eachother -- not to the congregation or to the rest of the wedding party.

EXCHANGE OF RINGSThe purpose of the exchange of rings is to seal or symbolize the pledges of devotion which

you and your mate have made to each other. So this part of the ceremony always comes logicallyright after the exchange of vows.

Just before the exchange of rings, the minister usually makes some statement about thesymbolism of the rings. This statement could be made just as easily by both of you as you slip therings on each other's fingers. The trend in the double ring ceremony nowadays seems to be towarda simple and direct ring exchange. The bride and groom may say to each other, "I give you this ringas a symbol of my devotion. Wear it to show others that you are touched by my love."

LIGHTING OF THE UNITY CANDLEIn recent years more and more Christian couples have been including a custom called "The

Lighting Of The Unity Candle" in their wedding ceremonies. This always occurs near the end of theservice. The bride and groom each take a lighted candle and light a larger candle to symbolize theunion of their lives in marriage.

If you include this element in your ceremony, you might decide to make some statement ashusband and wife about the marriage union which has just been formed. Or, the minister might readsome appropriate Scripture, such as Genesis 2:23-24, about "two becoming one," as you and yourmate light the unity candle.

DECLARATION OF MARRIAGE BY THE MINISTERThis is a formal statement by the minister that the bride and groom are now united as husband

and wife. This declaration is often combined with a charge to the couple to work together to builda Christian home. Other brief comments from the minister about the holiness and permanence ofmarriage are also appropriate.

These, then, are the basic ingredients that you will find in most contemporary churchweddings. Now take a close look at the following pages to see how other couples have applied theircreativity to these elements to make then unique and expressive of their Christian values.

ORDERS FOR WEDDING CEREMONIESOn the following pages are orders for wedding ceremonies commonly used. Please look

them over and select one order that you both like the best or select elements of several orders and“cut and paste” them into a complete ceremony or use these orders as a guide to write your ownceremony.

WEDDING CEREMONY #1Friends, we are gathered here at this hour to witness and to celebrate the coming together of

two separate lives. We have come to join this man, __________________, and thiswoman,_____________________, in marriage, to be with them and rejoice with them in the makingof this important commitment. The essence of this commitment is the taking of another person inhis or her entirety, as lover, companion, and friend. It is, therefore, a decision which is not to beentered into lightly, but rather undertaken with great consideration and respect for both the otherperson and oneself.

Love is one of the highest experiences that we human beings can have, and it can add depthof meaning to our lives. The sensual part of love is one of life's greatest joys, and when this iscombined with real friendship, both are infinitely enhanced. The day-to-day companionship -- thepleasure in doing things together, or in doing separate things but in delighting to exchangeexperiences -- is a continuous and central part of what a man and a woman who love each other canshare.

Marriage symbolizes the intimate sharing of two lives, yet this sharing must not diminish butenhance the individuality of each partner. A marriage that lasts is one which is continuallydeveloping and in which each person isindividually developing, while growing in understanding of the other. Deep knowledge of anotheris not something that can be achieved in a short time, and real understanding of the other's feelingscan develop fully only with years of intimacy. This wonderful knowledge of another person grows

out of really caring for the other so much that one wants to understand as completely as possiblewhat the other is feeling at all times. Thus, it is possible to share not only joys and successes but alsothe burden of sorrows and failures. To be known in this way is a priceless thing, because suchunderstanding and acceptance make it easier to live with our problems and failings and worries. But,again, while marriage is the intimate sharing of two lives, it can yet enhance the differences andindividuality of each partner. We must give ourselves in love, but we must not give ourselves away. A good and balanced relationship is one in which neither person is overpowered or absorbed by theother. Thus, it is out of the tension between separateness and union that love, whose incrediblestrength is equal only to its incredible fragility, is born and reborn.

We are here today, then, to celebrate the love which _____________________ and_____________________have for each other, and to give social recognition to their decision toaccept each other totally and permanently. Into this state of marriage these two persons come nowto be united.QUESTION TO THE FATHER (FAMILY MEMBER):

Who gives _________________ to be married to ________________?ANSWER: Her mother and I. or Her family and I.

SOLO: (This is a good place for a solo or special music)WEDDING VOWS: (Pastor) As a further indication of your readiness to enter into thisrelationship, will you join right hands and repeat your wedding vows to each other.

GROOM TO BRIDE: ________________, I take you as my wife. I pledge to sharemy life openly with you, to speak the truth to you in love; I promise to honor and tenderlycare for you, to cherish and encourage your own fulfillment as an individual, through all thechanges in our lives.BRIDE TO GROOM: _________________, I take you as my husband. I pledge toshare my life openly with you, to speak the truth to you in love; I promise to honor andtenderly care for you, to cherish and encourage your own fulfillment as an individual throughall the changes in our lives.

RINGS: (Pastor) If there are rings to seal these vows, let them be presented now. Letthem represent the unbroken circle of your love for each other.

GROOM TO BRIDE: This ring I give you - in token and pledge - of my love andloyalty - promised you this day and always.BRIDE TO GROOM: This ring I give you - in token and pledge - of my love andloyalty - promised you this day and always.

WEDDING PRAYER: Out of this tangled world, O God, come these two lives, bound nowin a pledge of love and care for each other. Bless them as they come before us to affirm the choicethey have made. Grant them a seriousness of purpose, that they may be delivered from empty wordsand casual commitments. Watch over them, and may they depend on you in their days ahead, as theygrow in their love for each other. May the support of these people about this couple be a continuinginfluence on their relationship. We ask it in Christ's name. Amen.CANDLE LIGHTING CEREMONY: As it is written in the book of Genesis and the book ofMatthew in the Bible, "In the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said, 'For thisreason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one. To symbolize the oneness of the relationship you have both consented to enter, I will give each of

you a lighted candle, with which you will light the large candle on the Altar. After this weddingceremony is concluded, you may take the large candle home as an ever-present reminder of theoneness you both have entered into on this day.COMMUNION: (Shared with couple only)PRONOUNCEMENT: (Couple join right hands.)Since__________________ and ________________ have vowed to be loyal and loving toward eachother, formalizing in our presence the existence of the bond between them, we bear witness to theceremony they have performed -- the ceremony that has made them husband and wife.PRAYER OF BENEDICTION Dear God, may these two people, now married, keep thiscovenant which they have made. May they be a blessing and a comfort to each other, sharers of eachother's joys, counselors in each other's sorrows, helpers to each other in all the vicissitudes of life. May they encourage each other in whatever they set out to achieve. May they, trusting each other,trust life and not be afraid. Yet may they not only accept and give affection between themselves, butalso together have affection and consideration for others.

We who are present and those who are absent, thinking of these two people, hope that theinspiration of this hour will not be forgotten. May they continue to love one another forever. In thename of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.WEDDING KISS: To Groom.. You may now kiss your bride...INTRODUCTION OF COUPLE: It is now my pleasure to introduce to you Mr. and Mrs.____________________ or ______ and _______ __________

WEDDING CEREMONY #2The Marriage Service of _________________ and ___________________ on ______________.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. (Congregation seated)WELCOME: On this occasion _______________and _______________ come before family,friends, and the church to affirm the choice that they have made of each other as life's mates and theirintention to establish a home for the raising of a family and the fulfillment of life together.

As the years go by,_____________and _______________, you will realize that this marriageyou have chosen for yourselves was not given to you by anyone else. It has been, and mustcontinue to be, a process that builds throughout your lives. You must work at marriage day by day -meeting the disappointments, as well as the joys, that your lives together will bring. We havegathered this afternoon with you, to help you give added strength to this marriage. But, in doing this,we realize that this outward act of the marriage service is but a symbol of that which is inward andreal; a union of two people - which God blesses in the church, and the state makes legal. Marriageis a union by your own free choice - with the full knowledge of what that choice means - when twopeople give themselves to each other - in love for the rest of their lives.

The quality of love that is necessary for marriage has been described for us by St. Paul in thethirteenth chapter of I Corinthians:

“If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisygong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteriesand all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love,I am nothing. 3 If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may

boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not enviousor boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable orresentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things,believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends. But as forprophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, itwill come to an end. 9 For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10 but whenthe complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like achild, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end tochildish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. NowI know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 And nowfaith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.”

QUESTION OF THE FATHER OR A FAMILY MEMBER:Who gives this woman to be married to this man?Answer: I/We do.QUESTION OF THE COUPLE:And are you_________________and__________________,now ready in the presence of your familyand friends to declare your intention to make this venture of faith and love in marriage?Answer: We are.__________________, are you willing to receive _________________as your wife, havingconfidence that your abiding faith and love in each other will last forever?Answer: I am.__________________, are you willing to receive ____________________as your husband, havingconfidence that your abiding faith and love in each other will last forever?Answer: I am.Ask Couple to come up on the ChancelLET US PRAY: Heavenly Father, who has endowed us with creative ability in love, we presentto you ______________ and _______________ for your blessing upon their marriage. May youendow their union with true devotion, spiritual commitment, and personal integrity.

Eternal God, give _______________ and ______________ the grace to keep the bond ofunion between them. When selfishness shows itself, grant generosity; when mistrust is a temptation,give moral strength; where misunderstanding intrudes, give patience and gentleness. When sufferingbecomes their lot, give them a strong faith and abiding hope. In Christ's name. Amen.Pastor says... Marriage requires much generosity ... unselfishness ... flexibility ... and forbearancefrom both husband and wife. The reality and happiness of your marriage depends upon the innerexperience of your heart and the integrity of your commitment.RINGS: As a seal of your promise, you have chosen rings of precious metal, symbolizing theunity, wholeness and endlessness of your life together.To Groom: Will you, __________________, place this ring upon the wedding finger of yourbride and say your promise to her.

"I, ________________, take you, _______________, to be the wife of all my days, to be themother of our children, to be the companion of our home. We shall keep together what share ofsorrow our lives may lay upon us. And we shall hold together our store of goodness and of love.

"Take this ring, freely given, as a token of my love and a symbol of my intention to live with

you in love and respect. As this ring has no end, neither shall my love for you."To Bride: Will you __________________, place this ring upon the wedding finger of yourgroom and say your promise to him.

"I, _______________, take you, ________________, to be the husband of all my days, tobe the father of our children, to be the companion of our home. We shall keep together what shareof sorrow our lives may lay upon us. And we shall hold together our store of goodness and of love.

"Take this ring, freely given, as a token of my love and as a symbol of my intention to livewith you in love and respect. As this ring has no end, neither shall my love for you."THE LIGHTING OF THE WEDDING CANDLE:

And now, symbolic of the fact that your two lives have become one, I will ask you to lightthe wedding candle on the altar.PRONOUNCEMENT OF COUPLE: (join right hands.)

Since _________________and ________________, have consented together to be marriedand have witnessed the same before God and this community of relatives and friends and havecommitted your their love and faith to each other and have sealed your promises with rings, Iannounce that God has made you husband and wife, in the name of the Father and of the Son andof the Holy Spirit. What God has joined together, let no one put asunder. Amen.BLESSING: The Lord God, who created our first parents and established their union in marriage,establish, sustain and bless you, that you may find delight in each other and grow in holy love untilyour life's end. Amen.BENEDICTION: Let us pray: Father of love, shower your grace upon___________________and ________________ who have come before you and pledged themselvesto live together in holy marriage. Give them wisdom and devotion in the ordering of their commonlife, that each may be to the other a strength in need ... a counselor in perplexity ... a comfort insorrow ... and a companion in joy. Give them such fulfillment of their mutual affection that theymay reach out in love and concern for others. Grant that all married persons who have witnessedthese vows may find their lives strengthened and their loyalties confirmed. In the name of theFather, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen.KISS: (To Groom) Arise and kiss the bride.INTRODUCTION OF COUPLE: I introduce to you for the first time: Mr. and Mrs.______________________! Or___________and___________.

WEDDING CEREMONY #3The marriage service of _________________and_____________________. In the name of theFather and of the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.PRAYER OF INVOCATION: Let us pray: O God, who alone unites persons in holy bonds ofmatrimony, without whose Spirit there is no abiding unity or oneness, be present with________________ and ________________ and all who have come this afternoon to witness theircommitment to each other in the Spirit of the love of Christ. Amen.SYMBOLIC APPROVAL: Who gives this woman to marry this man?Bride's Father or Family Member: Her mother and I or Her family and I MEDITATION CONCERNING MARRIAGE: A wedding is the celebration of the highest we know

in love, the pledging of two lives to common goals. On this occasion _______________ and_______________ come before family, friends, and church to affirm the choice that they have madeof each other as a life's mate and their intention to establish a home for the raising of a family andthe fulfillment of life together.

As the years go by, you will realize that this marriage, you yourselves have chosen, was notgiven to you by anyone else. It has been, and must continue to be, a process that builds throughoutyour lives. You must work at it day by day, meeting the disappointments, as well as the joys, thatyour lives together will bring. We have gathered with you this afternoon to help you give added lifeto this marriage that you have chosen for yourselves. But, in doing this, we realize that this outwardact is but a symbol of that which is inward and real: a union of two people, which a church may blessand the state may make legal, but which neither church nor state can create. It is such a union, byyour own free choice -- and with full knowledge of what that choice means -- that you two havecome to live.READINGS FROM OLD TESTAMENT: Genesis l:26-28, 3la

God said, "Let us make man in our own image, in the likeness of ourselves, and let them bemasters of the fish of the sea, the birds of heaven, the cattle, all the wild beasts and all reptiles thatcrawl upon the earth." God created man in the image of himself, in the image of God He createdhim, male and female He created them. God blessed them, saying to them, "Be fruitful, multiply,fill the earth and conquer it. Be masters of the fish, the birds of heaven and all living animals on theearth." God saw all He had made, and indeed it was very good.READING FROM NEW TESTAMENT: Mark 10:6-9

From the beginning of creation God made them male and female. This is why a man mustleave father and mother, and the two become one body. They are no longer two, therefore, but onebody. So then, what God has united, man must not divide.EXCHANGE OF WEDDING VOWS: (Have couple face each other.)Groom: I, __________________, take you, __________________, to be my wedded wife;I promise to be your loving and faithful husband, in prosperity and in need, in joy and in sorrow, insickness and in health, and to respect your privileges as an individual, as long as we both shall live.Bride: I, ________________take you, ______________, to be my wedded husband. Ipromise to be your loving and faithful wife, in prosperity and in need, in joy and in sorrow, insickness and in health, and to respect your privileges as an individual, as long as we both shall live.SERVICE OF RINGS: Lord, bless these rings which we bless in your Name. Grant that those whowear them may always have a deep faith in each other. May they do your will and always livetogether in peace, good will, and love. We ask through Christ our Lord. Amen.Groom: I give you,___________________, this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness.Bride: I give you, ________________, this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness.LIGHTING OF UNITY CANDLE: My dear friends, let us ask God for his continued blessing upon________________ and ___________________.

Holy Father, creator of the universe, maker of man and woman in your own likeness, sourceof blessing for married life, we humbly pray to you for this man and woman who today are unitedin this sacrament of marriage.

May your fullest blessing come upon them so that they may together rejoice in your gift ofmarried love and enrich your Church with their children.

Lord, may they both praise you when they are happy and turn to you in their sorrows. Maythey be glad that you help them in their work and know that you are with them in their need. Maythey pray to you in the community of the church, and be your witnesses in the world. May they reachold age in the company of their friends, and come at last to the kingdom of heaven. We ask thisthrough Christ our Lord.THE LORD'S PRAYER

BENEDICTION: Eternal God: Without your grace no promise is sure. Strengthen____________________ and ___________________ with the gift of your Spirit so they may fulfillthe vows they have taken. Keep them faithful to each other and to you. Fill them with such loveand joy that they may build a home where no one is a stranger. And guide them by your word toserve you all the days of their lives: through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom be honor and gloryforever and ever. Amen.TO GROOM: You may now kiss your bride.INTRODUCTION OF COUPLE: It is now my please to present to you Mr. and Mrs._____________________! Or __________ and__________ ________________

WEDDING CEREMONY #4The marriage service of ________________ and __________________on _________________.Call to Worship: In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. (Congregation seated)

Tonight [today] we have come to witness the marriage vows of__________________and________________ and to ask God's blessing upon their life together.Prayer of Invocation: Let us pray: O God, who alone unites persons in the holy bonds ofcovenant, without whose Spirit there is no abiding unity, be present in the inner being of these whodesire to be married and among those who have come to witness their commitment to each other inthe Spirit of the Love of Christ. Amen.The Symbolic Approval: Who will, on behalf of the families and friends of_______________and _______________, give blessing upon this marriage?Response: We will (Mother and Father).The Marriage Meditation.Declaration of Intention: Marriage has great possibility of success and failure as well as joy andpain. The possibility of sorrow and happiness is greater in married life than in single life. The personwho has not made the wager of devotion cannot be hurt by another as can the person who puts hisfaith in another, nor can he know joy as the one who shares all with a trusted, loving companion.

Are you ready in the presence of this community to declare your intention to this undertakingof faith and love?(To Groom)___________, are you willing to receive _________________as your wife, having fullconfidence that your abiding faith in each other will last a lifetime?Answer: I am.(To Bride)_____________, are you willing to receive ________________as your husband, havingfull confidence that your abiding faith in each other will last a lifetime?Answer: I am.

(Invite the Couple to the altar.)Prayer: [Let us pray] Heavenly Father, who ordained marriage for your children, and gaveus love, we present these two who wish to be married. May their union be blessed with true devotion,spiritual commitment and love. God, give these two the ability to keep the covenant made betweenthem. When selfishness shows itself, grant generosity; when mistrust is a temptation, give moralstrength; where there is a misunderstanding, give patience and gentleness. When suffering becomestheir lot, give them a strong faith and abiding hope. Amen.The Exchange of Wedding Vows and Rings:

Marriage requires much generosity, unselfishness, flexibility, patience and love from bothhusband and wife. Under it lies responsibility of home and community, but when supported by allthe commitments of love, these responsibilities do not weigh heavily. The realness and happinessof your marriage depend upon the inner experience of your heart and the strength of yourcommitment.

As a symbol of your commitment you have chosen rings.(To Groom) _________________, will you place this ring upon the finger of your bride and say yourpromise to her?Groom:_________________, I take you to be my wife from this time onward, to join with you andto share all that is to come, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond,and in all circumstances of our life together to be loyal to you with my whole life and with all mybeing so that together we may serve God and others as long as we both shall live.(To Bride) __________________, will you place this ring upon the finger of your groom and sayyour promise to him?Bride:_________________, I take you to be my husband from this time onward, to join with youand to share all that is to come, to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and torespond, and in all circumstances of our life together to be loyal to you with my whole life and withall my being so that together we may serve God and others as long as we both shall live.Lighting of the Wedding Candle: Symbolic of the fact that your lives have become one.Charge to the Couple: If marriage is to be maintained at a high level for both of you, thiscommitment must be practiced daily. Two people are not married in the ceremony; you only beginto be married. What is begun must continue with increasing meaning. The trials which married lifeencounters are great; only a strong commitment and spiritual motivations can maintain it. Merephysical attractiveness is not enough. Only the love of God will suffice.Blessing of the Couple: The Lord God who created our first parents and sanctified their unionin marriage, sanctify and bless you, that you may please Him both in body and soul, and live togetherin Holy Love until life's end. Amen.The Lord's Prayer (in unison).The Declaration of Marriage:(Join right hands.) ___________________and __________________, since you have consentedtogether to be married and have witnessed the same before God and this community of relatives andfriends and have committed love and faith to each other and have sealed the promises with rings, Iannounce that God has made you husband and wife, in the name of the Father, and the Son, and heHoly Spirit.Benediction: May the Father, Son and Holy Spirit direct and keep you in truth and love all the

days of your life. Amen.Kiss [To Groom] You may kiss your bride.Introduction of Couple: It is now my pleasure to introduce to you_______________________________.

WEDDING CEREMONY #5The marriage service of ________________ and ______________on ________________.CALL TO WORSHIP: In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. (Congregationseated)

Today we have come to witness the marriage vows of ___________________ and___________________and to ask God's blessing on their life together.PRAYER OF INVOCATION: Let us pray: O God, who alone unites persons in Holy bonds ofcovenant, without whose spirit there is no abiding unity, be present in the inner being of these whohave come to witness their commitment to each other -- in the Spirit of the Love of Christ. Amen.MEDITATION CONCERNING MARRIAGE:A wedding is the celebration of the highest we know in love, the pledging of two lives to commongoals. __________________and _________________, as you think about making your vows to eachother, realize that your destinies will be woven together in such a pattern that sorrow for one will besorrow for the other and joy for one will be joy for the other. Today you commit yourselves to eachother to give support and love in all times. The words "I love you," first spoken shyly in monthsgone by, are now spoken in full commitment of yourselves to each other. This love you share isGod's gift. We love because He first loved us. This is expressed in the New Testament in the FirstLetter of John:

"Friends, let us practice loving each other, for love comes from God and those who are lovingand kind show that they are the children of God, and that they are getting to know Him better.

But if a person isn't loving and kind, it shows that he doesn't know God, for God is love."God showed how much He loved us by sending His only son into this world to bring us

eternal life through his death. In this act we see what real love is. It's not our love for God, but Hislove for us when He sent His son to satisfy God's anger against our sins.

"Friends, since God loved us as much as that, we surely ought to love each other, too." (I John 4:7-11)___________________and ________________have found a way to publicly express their

love for each other with words of this poem:Love is a look, a smile, brief as an instant, long as eternity, a spark engendered by a reaching

out, a touch of hands, an intuition that knows how to heal a hurt, and how to build a world. Forlove's sake only, cherishing each other, lovers move freely within a circle, that define their being,shapes what they become, and thus they are fulfilled each in the other.

When love speaks in feeling, love responds in instant recognition, in embrace and letting go,always in the certainty of renewal. Shared sorrows, disappointments only serve to strengthen love.

Let this be a pledge of love's safekeeping, that in sleep, lovers dream each other's self, andwhen they wake in the morning, some new insight, some lovely memory of the other, warms anddraws and holds them close together.

So love begins in longing. Love is transformed into belonging. THE CHARGE TO THE CONGREGATION: True marriage can never be private or secret becausein its course it has a public character. Not only on their wedding day, but in its entire course it hasaspects which are public. The community has a stake in this union and deserves the joy ofparticipation. The families involved come to give their blessing to this union. Today, what happensat the altar is the sanction of the Christian community. The most important part happens not at thealtar but when two people realize that fullness of life for them according to God's plan involves acomplete unity of lives.PRAYER: Let us pray: Our Father, bless these two as they come before family, friends, andchurch to affirm the choice that they have made of each other as life's partner and their intention toestablish a home where your love may be celebrated in the family. Grant them a seriousness ofpurpose that they may be delivered from empty words and casual commitments. For the fulfillmentof their vows, may they experience daily the love which only you can give. May your word nurturethem that their lives will be fulfilled by doing your will. As we share with them in the celebrationof their love, may we all grow toward the perfection that is experienced in your love. Through thelove of Jesus Christ we pray. Amen.SYMBOLIC APPROVAL: Who will, in behalf of the family and friends of _______________and__________________ give their approval for this woman to be the wife of this man?Father/Parents: "I will/We will."(Ask Couple to Come Up To The Altar.)DECLARATION OF INTENTION: Marriage has a great possibility of success and failure as wellas pain and joy. The person who has not made the wager of devotion cannot be hurt by another ascan the person who puts his faith in another, nor can he share in the joy and laughter as the one whoshares all with a trusted, loving companion.___________________and ___________________, if it is your intention to share with each otheryour laughter and your tears and all that the years will bring, by your promises bind yourselves nowto each other as husband and wife.EXCHANGE OF WEDDING VOWS:Groom:__________________, I take you to be my wife from this time onward, to join with you andshare all that is to come to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond, andin all circumstances of our life together to be loyal to you with my whole life and with all my beingthrough the best and the worst of what is to come as long as we live.Bride:_________________, I take you to be my husband from this time onward, to give and toreceive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond and in all circumstances of our life togetherto be loyal to you with my whole life and with all my being through the best and the worst of whatis to come as long as we live.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, who ordained marriage for your children, and gave us love, wepresent these two who wish to be married. May their union be blessed with true devotion, spiritualcommitment and love. God, give these two the ability to keep the covenant made between them. When selfishness shows itself, grant generosity; when mistrust is a temptation, give moral strength;when there is misunderstanding, give patience and gentleness. When suffering becomes their lot,give them a strong faith and abiding hope. Amen.

Exchange of Rings: Marriage requires much generosity, unselfishness, flexibility, patience, andlove. Under it lies responsibility of home and community, but when supported by all thecommitments of love, this responsibility does not weigh heavily. The realness and happiness of yourmarriage depends upon the inner experience of your heart and the strength of your commitment. Asa symbol of commitment you have chosen rings.(To Groom) ___________________, take this ring and place it on the wedding finger of_________________ and repeat: “With this ring, I thee wed. In the name of the Father, andof the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."(To Bride) __________________, take this ring and place it on the wedding finger of___________________ and repeat: "With this ring, I thee wed. In the name of the Father, and ofthe Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."Charge to the Couple: If marriage is to be maintained at a high level for both of you, thiscommitment must be practiced daily. Two people are not married in the ceremony exclusively; youonly have begun to be married. What is begun must continue with increased meaning. Throughoutyour marriage, may you have enough tears to be sensitive, enough hurt to be human, enough prideto feel pain, and enough selfishness to need love.The Blessing: The Lord God, who created our first parents and established them in marriage,establish and sustain you that you may find delight in each other and grow in holy love until yourlife's end. May you dwell in God's presence forever; may true and constant love preserve you.The Declaration of Marriage: _________________and ______________, since you have promisedyour love to each other, and before God and these witnesses have exchanged these solemn vows andthese symbols of undying love, as a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I now pronounce you manand wife. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."The Benediction: May the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit direct and keep you in truth and love all thedays of your life. Amen.(To Groom) You may now kiss your bride.

FLOWERS, CANDLES, AND AISLE RUNNERFlowers For the wedding service in the Sanctuary the bride furnishes:• All bridal flowers for attendants.• All flowers used to decorate the Sanctuary.Candles Arrangements are to be made with the church to provide candles for the candelabra.Aisle Runner White aisle runners and pew markers, if used, may be obtained at most of the floristshops and will be arranged as part of the floral decorations. The aisle runner must be 50 feet long. (Please instruct the florist NOT to roll the runner down the aisle before the ceremony.)NOTE: If you wish to leave flowers in the church to be used at the worship service thefollowing Sunday, please tell the church secretary well in advance so the Flower Committee of thechurch need not order flowers for that particular Sunday.

PHOTOGRAPHERSYou will enjoy pictures of your wedding for many years. By using good taste and instructing

the photographers properly, you can have a lovely record of your wedding without having theceremony disrupted or made undignified. Flash pictures should not be taken during the ceremony.

In general, the photographers should be inconspicuous. They should not command more attentionthan the bride or the wedding itself. Pictures may be taken as the bride enters, and as the weddingparty leaves. Pictures taken without flash can be taken at any time, provided the photographerremains behind the last seated guest. Additional pictures may be taken at the altar either before orafter the ceremony and, of course, pictures may be taken any time during the reception.

Photographers (both amateur and professional) who have not taken pictures at our churchbefore should speak to the minister before the ceremony so that their presence can add to thereverence and beauty of the wedding.

DRESSING AT THE CHURCHIf the bridal party wishes to dress at the church, there are rooms available for this purpose.

Plans should be made with the custodian for the use of the rooms (at no charge) and for receivinggowns or flowers that are to be delivered to the church.

WEDDING USHERSOne usher should be appointed as head usher. The orderly progress of the wedding depends

a great deal on him. He will be provided a check list of duties. All the ushers should arrive at thechurch about 30 minutes before the ceremony. They will check the physical arrangements to see thateverything is ready and be prepared to seat the first guests as they arrive. Ushers should know thelocation of the reception and be able to direct guests as they leave the sanctuary. If any of theflowers used in the ceremony are also to be used for the reception, the ushers will be responsible formoving them as soon as possible after the ceremony.

ASSISTANTSIn addition to the professional help at your reception you will be in need of the help of friends

and relatives to pour coffee and tea, cut and serve the wedding cake, serve punch and register giftsreceived at the wedding. Usually a friend or a cousin of the bride invites everyone to sign the guestbook. The bride may want a personal attendant to assist the maid or matron of honor in runningerrands -- a keeper of the "panic bag" with needle, thread, pins, aspirin and smelling salts. Someonewell acquainted with the family could assist the florist to see that Grandma gets the correct corsageand Uncle his boutonniere. Often these helpers receive a corsage and/or a small gift from the bride. But do remember the "Thank You" note.

GUEST LISTS AND INVITATIONSMake out your guest list as early as possible. Give the groom and both sets of parents

deadlines for their lists. Ask them to be sure the names are spelled accurately and addresses arecorrect. Remember that any person 16 or older receives a separate invitation. Count carefully andorder a few extra to allow for mistakes. Invitations can be ordered from print shops, stationers, ordepartment stores. Colored paper, colored ink and less traditional wording are being offered. Invitations can be done by engraving, thermograph, or offset. Some couples are designing their owninvitations. A very distinctive one might be hand lettered by the bride or groom. Many books willexplain how to address the traditional invitation; we will not go into that here. But the old rigidrules, except for rules of good taste, do not have the authority they once enjoyed.

NEWSPAPER ANNOUNCEMENTSNewspapers, upon request, will send you forms to fill out for announcements. Remember

to notify out-of-town papers if one of you has strong ties elsewhere. When writing your notice, bespecific, spell accurately, and observe deadlines. A candid picture of the bride and groom ispreferable now to the formal studio photograph of the bride alone.

WEDDING REHEARSALYou will have set a date early in your plans for the wedding rehearsal, usually the day before

the wedding. If there is to be a rehearsal dinner, plan the rehearsal to come before the dinner. If youwish to invite the minister, soloist, or organist and their spouses to your rehearsal dinner, pleaseextend the invitation at an early date.

All participants, including ushers and parents, should be present for the rehearsal. Rehearsalsare always directed by the minister.

Rehearsals usually take forty-five minutes to complete if all members of the party are presentat the designated time. It is important that all members be on time, for several rehearsals may bescheduled in the sanctuary on a given evening.

You are asked to bring the wedding license and certificate to the office prior to the rehearsal.

WEDDING RECEPTIONS AT THE CHURCHChurch members and non-members can, if they like, have the wedding reception at the

church. Receptions are held in Bradley Hall. Bradley Hall will accommodate up to 250 people andis air conditioned. The bride is responsible for:• Wedding cake• Punch and/or coffee; cream and sugar for coffee• Nuts and mints• Napkins• Candles (if desired)• Greenery to decorate the base of the cake stand• Table bouquets (if desired))• Guest book and pen• Ice ring (if desired)The bride also selects persons to assist with the following. These persons should go to the receptionroom immediately after the ceremony.• Cutting and serving the wedding cake• Serving punch• Serving coffee• Presiding at the guest register• Presiding at the gift tableThe church furnishes:• Tablecloths (white oil cloth)• Punch bowl• Candlesticks• Gift table

It is necessary to make an appointment as early as possible to meet with the Chairperson of theBuildings and Grounds Committee of the Board of Trustees, so he/she may answer your questions,show you the church facilities, and help you with the final arrangements or your reception.

POLICIES OF COMMUNITY CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH

USE OF BIRD SEEDRice and bird seed is not permitted. This is requested for a practical reason. It is difficult

to remove from the carpets. It also creates a safety hazard when dropped on highly waxed floors.Please discourage friends from this practice, and do not bring bird seed into the church.

SMOKING AND DRINKING IS NOT PERMITTED ON THE CHURCH PREMISESThe participants and guests are asked to refrain from smoking inside the church building. Liquoris not allowed on church premises.

PICTURE TAKING DURING CEREMONYNo FLASH pictures are to be taken by wedding guests during the ceremony. Professionalphotographers will be permitted to take pictures during the ceremony only if FLASH is not used.

THE WEDDING DAYArrival Time: If the bride and her party are to dress at the church, they should arrive at least onehour before the time of the service. The men in the wedding party should plan to arrive not morethan one hour before the time of the service.Schedule: Under the direction of the wedding coordinator and minister, the following schedule isusually followed:• Ushers arrive 30 minutes before the service.• Parents and those to be specially seated remain in the Fellowship Hall or Narthex.• Ushers or acolytes light candles 30 minutes before the service, at the direction of the minister.• Ushers seat guests as they arrive.• Close relatives seated five minutes before the hour.• Groom's parents seated.• Bride's mother seated. (No guest should be seated after mother has been seated. Those arriving

late should be seated in back of sanctuary.)• If aisle runner is used, two ushers will unroll it after parents are seated.• Special music is played or sung at this time.• Wedding march begins.Reception: If the reception is held in the church, the receiving line is usually near the place of thereception (in the Bradley Hall or place of your choice).

The usual order for the receiving line is as follows:1. Bride's mother.2. Groom's father (need not receive)3. Groom's mother4. Bride's father (need not receive)

5. Bride6. Groom7. Maid or matron of honor8. BridesmaidsWhen the guests have greeted the bride and groom, the couple should cut the cake and then

retire to the Sanctuary for any pictures they wish to have taken.

A CHECK LIST

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE1. Decide what type of wedding you want and its approximate size.2. Set the date and time of the wedding.3. Meet with the minister to confirm wedding date.4. Reserve the room or the hall for the reception.5. Select attendants.6. Request guest lists from parents; set a deadline.7. Begin a file card system of wedding guests.8. Contact the caterer.9. Engage the photographer.10. Start shopping for and hire a florist.11. Plan for music for church.12. Contact the church organist and arrange for music.13. After the guest lists are complete, shop for invitations. Get guest book, gift book, note paper for

"thank you" notes, and napkins from the stationer.14. Shop for or start making dresses.15. Start making all of the checklists.16. Select china, crystal, silver, etc. Register at popular stores.II.

TWO TO FOUR MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING1. Start addressing invitations and announcements.2. Reserve tuxedos.3. Remind mothers to shop for their dresses.4. Buy wedding shoes and start breaking them in.5. Start apartment or house hunting. Shop for furniture.6. Reserve hotel rooms or make arrangements for out-of-town guests.7. The bride should start shopping for her trousseau.8. Arrange for drivers or limousines for wedding attendants and out-of-town guests.9. Shop for wedding rings and have them engraved.10. Make plans for a honeymoon trip if you are going on one. Some couples defer this for a couple

of months until the excitement of the wedding has passed.11. Order service bulletins from the church, if desired.

ONE MONTH BEFORE THE WEDDING1. Mail invitations (no later than three weeks before wedding).2. Start writing "thank you" notes as soon as gifts arrive. Record gifts on file cards and indicate that

a "thank you" note has been sent.3. Start recording invitation responses on file cards.4. Keep accurate count of those planning to attend.5. Contact newspapers for announcement forms. Observe deadlines.6. Order beverages for the reception.7. Plan food for out-of-town guests.8. Have a luncheon or party for your attendants if you desire.9. The bride will probably want to decide on a hairdo for the wedding. Decide on something that

is not only attractive, but comfortable. This is not the time for an extreme new hairstyle.10. If bridesmaids are making their dresses, encourage them to finish soon. You may have to be

firm.11. If bridesmaids' dresses have arrived at the store, arrange for fittings. All hemlines should be the

same distance from the floor.12. The bride's dress should be finished by the dressmaker or delivered to the bridal shop six to four

weeks before the wedding. You may want to have photographs taken at the final fitting. Makearrangements with the photographer.

13. Remember physical checkups for the bride and groom and blood tests, if required.14. Get the marriage license.15. Select gifts for your attendants and those who are assisting.16. Arrange for someone to "sit" with your gifts while the family is at the wedding. You may want

to take out special insurance.17. Arrange for the vocalists or other musicians to rehearse at the church.II.

TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE WEDDING1. Send notes to the participants with information for rehearsal dinner if you are having one. Note

any special instructions for ushers or bridesmaids.2. Remind them of the time and place of the rehearsal.3. Set specific times for them to be at the church for the wedding. (Remember to allow time for

taking pictures before the ceremony.)4. Meet with the minister for final details before the rehearsal.5. Review the checklist for the rehearsal.6. Confirm all reservations and details -- with the church, photographer, reception hall, florist,

musicians, bakery, drivers, etc.7. Give the caterer the final number of guests expected. It is wise to allow for a few extras who

neglect to respond.8. The florist order should be double-checked. Be sure that the corsages for mothers,

grandmothers, etc. Are the correct colors.9. Have the service bulletin printed, if desired.10. Check all honeymoon arrangements.11. Keep up those "thank you" notes!

12. Contact the church office as to the time of flower deliveries and the bridal party arrival time atthe church so that he will be at the church to open the doors. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!

FINAL WEEK BEFORE THE WEDDING1. Assemble all of your clothing for the wedding day.2. Start packing your "going away" clothes.3. Pack a "panic bag" for your personal attendant: cleansing tissues, needle and thread to match the

bridesmaids' dresses, extra combs, extra hose, smelling salts, aspirin and antacid.4. Get the food ready for out-of-town guests. Have snacks ready for anyone who might drop in.5. Make a time schedule and checklist for the wedding day.6. Have cars washed and cleaned if you are not using limousines.7. Attend the rehearsal. Arrive on time!!8. Arrange to have someone check all last-minute details at the church: flowers, candles, service

folders, etc.9. Give the check for the minister to the best man.10.Have checks ready for the church cleaning service, organist, soloist, and Community

Congregational Church (if you are not a member).11.Arrange to have someone check all last-minute details at the reception: food, cake, candles,

punch, flowers, helpers, guest book, etc.

LAST MINUTE REMINDERS FOR THE WEDDINGDon't forget to remind those responsible for the following:• ___________________rings;• ___________________marriage license;• ___________________gratuities for minister, organist, soloist, custodian;• ___________________wedding candles;• ___________________service folders (if desired);• ___________________guest book and pens;• ___________________"panic bag";• ___________________empty shopping bags for use in taking away miscellaneous items after

the wedding.

WEDDING COST

WHO PAYS FOR WHAT?In most weddings the division of costs is as follows:

THE BRIDE• Engraving of invitations and announcements• Mailing of invitations, cards and announcements• Transportation to the church for the bride and her attendants• Organist• Soloist• Reception• Trousseau for the bride• Groom's ring (for double ring ceremony)• Wedding photographs• Bride's gift to her bridesmaids and maid of honor• Bridesmaids' flowers• Church decorations

THE GROOM• Marriage license• Wedding ring• Gift to the bride• Bouquet carried by the bride• Transportation to the church for himself and best man• Corsages for the mothers of the bride and groom• Boutonnieres for the best man and ushers• Personal gifts for the best man and ushers• Gratuity for minister• Wedding trip expenses

COMMUNITY CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH FEESYou may use this sheet and the one following to determine the cost of your wedding. Please makeyour check(s) payable to: "Community Congregational Church" and mark them with the word"wedding." Checks given to the minister, organist, soloist, or custodian should be made out in theirnames.USE OF THE SANCTUARYMembers: No chargeNon-members: $500.00

USE OF THE CHAPELMembers: No chargeNon-members: $350.00

CUSTODIAN FEE (for Saturday and Sunday Weddings only)Pelito Capistrano $150.00

ORGANISTLionel Jasmin $200.00

WEDDING COORDINATORSylvia Campbell $150.00

SOLOISTSoloist Name________________ $100.00

MINISTERIt is customary for the bridegroom to assume responsibility for the minister's gratuity. The suggestedgratuity is: $200.00

MARRIAGE COUNSELING TEST:The Senior Minister is licensed to administer a “marriage counseling test. It is not required of thecouple to take this test, but is highly recommended. Cost (per couple) for the test is: $ 35.00

ALL FEES FOR YOUR WEDDING ARE TO BE PAIDON OR BEFORE THE WEDDING REHEARSAL!

planning your wedding - chulavistachurch · the rehearsal dinner), but this old rule is broken...

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